Never Split The Difference

Negotiating As If Your Life

Depended On It

by: Chris Voss

The Mindset Warrior Summary Guide

Table of Contents

Introduction.............................................................................................................6

Section 1 – Voss's History and Discovering An Effective Negotiation...8

Section 2 – Empathy As The Foundation......................................................10

Empathy Principle 1 – Mirroring....................................................................12

Empathy Principle 2 – Labeling.......................................................................14

Empathy Principle 3 – “No” Before “Yes”....................................................16

Empathy Principle 4 – Get Them To Say “That's Right”..........................19

Empathy Principle 5 – Alter Their Reality....................................................21

Empathy Principle 6 – Illusion of Control.....................................................24

Empathy Principle 7 – Guarantee Execution...............................................26

Empathy Principle 8 – Bargain Hard.............................................................30

Empathy Principle 9 – Uncover The Unknown...........................................36

Section 3 - Preparing for Your Next Negotiation.......................................39

Conclusion.............................................................................................................42

BONUS....................................................................................................................43

Hi there! Be Sure to Stick Around to

the End for a FREE BONUS.

My gift to you; as a special thank you for purchasing this book.

-The Mindset Warrior

MW Summary Guide Disclaimer

This summary guide is in no way associated with and endorsed by Chris Voss. This publication is not intended to replace the original work. This publication is a unique summary guide of the original book, and is intended for informational purposes only. It includes some the main ideas, and quotes from the book along with unique commentary. All quotes from the book are properly referenced.

You are encouraged to purchase the original version; if you have not already. This publication has been presented solely for educational & informational purposes as a reference. While best efforts have been made in preparing this book; the author and publisher make no representations or warranties merchantability or fitness of use for a particular purpose. Neither the author, nor the publisher shall be held liable or responsible to any person or entity with respect to any loss or incidental or consequential damages caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by the information contained herein.

Neither the author, nor the publisher shall be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages, including, but not limited to, special incidental, consequential, or other damages. You are responsible for your own choices, actions, and results. References are provided for informational purposes only and do not constitute endorsement of any websites or other sources. Readers should be aware that the websites listed in this book may be subject to change.

Introduction

In this Mindset Warrior Summary Guide, we cover the main topics discussed in “Never Split The Difference”. This book is intended to supplement your reading and be an easy reference guide. You are encouraged to purchase the original book if you have not already.

The difference between this guide, and the actual book, is we don't go into the lengthy stories and repetition that most books often do. Instead, we share each principle, explain its reasoning, and we provide advice on how you can apply each to your own negotiations.

As I always say, the original books are great to read as they provide lots of examples. This repetition can help to embed the lessons into your psyche. With that being said; stripping these lessons down to their core substance will help you to focus on the things that really matter. As I'm sure we can agree, time is also very valuable. I am all about maximizing time.

The Mindset Warrior summaries are here to support your journey toward a resilient mindset. www.mindsetwarrior.com

© Copyright 2017 - All rights reserved.

This document is geared towards providing information in regards to the topic and issue covered. The publication is sold with the understanding that this publication is a commentary, educational summary, comparison, and analysis on some of the original books main ideas and concepts.

- From a Declaration of Principles which was accepted and approved equally by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations.

In no way is it legal to reproduce, duplicate, or transmit any part of this document in either electronic means or in printed format. Recording of this publication is strictly prohibited and any storage of this document is not allowed unless with written permission from the publisher. All rights reserved.

The information provided herein is stated to be truthful and consistent, in that any liability, in terms of inattention or otherwise, by any usage or abuse of any policies, processes, or directions contained within is the solitary and utter responsibility of the recipient reader. Under no circumstances will any legal responsibility or blame be held against the publisher for any reparation, damages, or monetary loss due to the information herein, either directly or indirectly.

Respective authors own all copyrights not held by the publisher.

The information herein is offered for informational purposes solely, and is universal as so. The presentation of the information is without contract or any type of guarantee assurance.

Section 1 – Voss's History and Discovering An Effective Negotiation

In “Never Split The Difference”, Chris Voss outlines what he discovered about effective negotiations over his 24 years as an FBI hostage negotiator.

Each chapter attacks 1 main principle. It then breaks the main principle down into smaller sub-principles. In the official book, each chapter starts with a story of a hostage negotiation that Chris experienced. He then dissects what worked in the negotiation, and what didn't.

The book starts with introducing Chris's experience and history.  Here are some facts:

- he started as a Kansas city cop (for 2 years)

- he joined the F.B.I as an agent (for 24 years)

- he first joined the F.B.I as a swat agent, then he was moved to the joint terrorism task force, and became an international kidnapping/hostage negotiator

- he spent 10 year teaching and consulting at business schools

- he currently has a company called “the black swan group” that teaches negotiation

I often consider why an author decided to write their book. Here is what I was able to identify from the first chapter:

Chris found the techniques he learned as an F.B.I. agent to work not only in hostage negotiations, but in customer service and parenting. Noticing that negotiation didn't seem to be an exact a science, but more of an iterate process, he sought to understand the science of negotiation taught at some of the most popular universities. He took a class at Harvard to better understand why his techniques worked, only to find out that the theory taught in class was ineffective, and focused heavily on humans as primarily rational beings compared to the reality that we are emotional beings.

We have an exciting ride ahead of us. Let us begin...

Section 2 – Empathy As The Foundation

Chris's approach focuses heavily on empathy. He describes empathy as the ability to make people feel understood.

The core proponents of his empathetic approach teaches us:

- how to gather information to use in the negotiation

- how to influence the other side to want what we want

- how to engage in conflict

With the usual need to polarize and identify what is different about his approach compared to others, Chris spends some time debunking the “Getting To Yes” methodology of negotiation. While some  found success through its use (was used by the FBI and NYPD),  Chris argues that it didn't stand up to some of the toughest negotiations. He believes it gave too much credit to rationality.

He explains that the “rational focused negotiation” approach slowly started to shift with introduction of findings from psychologists like Daniel Kahneman, who argued that we cannot attack negotiation through rationality, rather we must approach it from emotion. ( Kahneman discusses this in his popular book "Thinking Fast and Slow")

The rational "Getting to Yes" principles:

- separate the person from the problem

- focus on the other sides interests and not what they are asking for

- work together to generate win-win options

- establish mutual agreement on the standards that will be used to evaluate the possible terms

The emotion focused "Never Split The Difference" principles:

- calm people down

- establish rapport

- gain trust

- get the other side to verbalize their needs

- get the other side to buy into our empathy

Empathy Principle 1 – Mirroring

PRINCIPLE 1:

Avoid Assumptions

STEP 1 = enter the negotiation with multiple hypotheses on what the other party wants

STEP 2 = use all the information they give to test each hypothesis; abandoning the ones that prove to be invalid.

PRINCIPLE 2:

Listen First

Make your primary objective to focus on everything the other person says.

REASON: to calm the common tendency to focus on self. This tendency causes us to miss potentially useful information that we can leverage against the other side. As well, when they see and feel that they are being listened to, feelings of safety and trust increases.

NOTE: Consider having multiple people sit in on the negotiation in order to pick up information you might not pick up on.

PRINCIPLE 3:

Slow Down AND Use a Soothing Tone

Going too fast causes people feel like they are not being heard. This will often leave the other side remembering the separation between the two of you instead of the similarities. Going slow also helps you to maintain a soothing vocal tone.

HACK: if appropriate(especially via phone) try smiling to help you get your vocal tone more soothing and agreeable

PRINCIPLE 4:

Get people to invite information by mirroring their statements in combination with questions

I don't want to make monthly payments

EXAMPLE:

I understand you don't want to make monthly payments, if you did though, how would that affect you?

Avoid interjecting. Provide them the opportunity to respond to the mirror.

REASON: mirroring demonstrates respect and concern

NOTE: In 1 study of waiters, those who mirrored customer orders compared to those who gave agreeable statements got tipped better (Richard Wiseman)

How to use mirroring with an aggressive person:

1) soothing vocal tone

2) use "i'm sorry"

3) mirror

4) silence after mirroring

5) repeat

Empathy Principle 2 – Labeling

PRINCIPLE 1:

THINK from the other persons point of view. Empathize.

REASON: Doing this helps to increase your understanding of what they think and feel. This phenomena is called neural resonance.

PRINCIPLE 2:

Verbalize the label

REASON: Gives the impression of listening and understanding. This builds your likeability. It also helps to remove the taboo or fear associated with the emotion or thought.

STEP 1 = identify their emotional state by observing their tone, words, and body language

STEP 2 = turn your observations into words and communicate them using "it looks like" "it seems like" "it sounds like"

STEP 3 = be silent. Avoid asking questions after verbalizing the label.

PRINCIPLE 3:

Clear the barriers to agreement AND/OR Look for a spot where you can apologize for something; especially if they believe you have done wrong.

REASON:  It weakens their perception of you as a threat AND/OR you're wrongdoing.

The faster you can address and weaken their fears, the quicker you can get to feelings of trust and safety.

PRINCIPLE 4: Make accusations of the other party's fears that cause them to have to explain themselves further. Follow this by silence.

STEP 1 = make a list of the possible accusations that the other party could make

STEP 2 = practice using them with disarming phrases such as:

- "I know you might think..."

- "You probably think..."

PRINCIPLE 5: Make compliments periodically

Use statements that reinforce the belief that you have a positive perception of them.

Empathy Principle 3 – “No” Before “Yes”

Contrary to popular belief, negotiations should not start with “yes”. The biggest point to remember is that “no” introduces clarity, while “yes” leaves us in the unknown.

PRINCIPLE 1:

Look to get a “No”

No is the pathway to agreement (“yes”). “No” gets the other party to feel they are in control.

7 possible meanings of “no”:

1. I'm not yet ready to agree

2. I feel uncomfortable

3. I don't understand

4. I don't think I can afford it

5. I want something else

6. I need more information

7. I want to talk it over with someone else

PRINCIPLE 2:

Follow a “no” with a solution based question

- “what about this doesn't work for you?”

- “what would you need to make it work?”

3 possible meanings of “yes”:

1. an easy escape route OR keep the conversation open in order to gain an edge

2. innocent affirmation to move past a point, but not a commitment to action

3. true agreement that leads to action

PRINCIPLE 3:

Guide them to choose your way from their perspective

Chris says the best negotiators help the other side feel like they've arrived at what you want on their own.

PRINCIPLE 4:

“No” is their protection

Discomfort arises when a person feels they are being pushed to say “yes”. Help people feel comfortable by providing them the opportunity to say “no”

In some situations you may find you need to force a “no”.

Here are two options:

1. Mislabel the other party's emotions or desires.

2. Ask the other party what they don't want.

PRINCIPLE 5:

Get responses to an email with a “no”.

Send an email with the single line, “Have you given up on this project?”

This line suggests to the other person that you are willing to walk away. It gets people to feel they need to defend themselves by giving you a “no”.

Empathy Principle 4 – Get Them To Say “That's Right”

PRINCIPLE 1 :

Get a “That's Right”

Instead of seeking a "yes", seek a "that's right". This entire chapter is summed up in the phrase "before you convince them to agree to what you are trying to accomplish, you have to say something that will get them to say "that right".

This is not to be confused with a “you're right”. Chris noted that “you're right” is often a sign of disengagement, and an attempt to end the conversation, or get you to reveal more.

REASON: “That's Right” breaks down defenses. It helps the other person to feel understood and affirmed, and it often reveals their true motive.

NOTE:  Chris has noticed that oftentimes a “that's right” comes along with the addition of extra information.

Ask questions and make statements including labeling from empathy principle #2

PRINCIPLE 2 :

Give a summary

The key to giving a summary is to combine a re-articulation of what the other party said with your  understanding of the underlying emotions.

It can be summed up as:  paraphrasing + labeling = summary

STEP 1: Use silence to provide the space for the other person to give you information.

STEP 2: Use small verbal encouragements for them to continue; such as, “yes”, “okay” “uh-huh” or “I see”.

STEP 3: Repeat back to the other person what they said. (aka mirror)

STEP 4: Demonstrate that you understand how they feel by labeling their emotions

STEP 5: Paraphrase in your own words what you heard them say.

STEP 6: Summarize by providing the meaning of what was said along with the emotions underlying the meaning.

Empathy Principle 5 – Alter Their Reality

PRINCIPLE 1:

Do not compromise

Chris says compromise is the easy way out. "No deal is better than a bad deal" he proclaims.

PRINCIPLE 2:

Bring up a deadline

Humans are heavily pain-avoidant. Adding deadlines heightens the perception of negative consequences, thus forcing the other side to come to an agreement sooner, because they think they'll risk losing the deal altogether.

NOTE: When you are on the receiving end of deadlines, understand that they are often given false importance. They are often arbitrary,  flexible, and hardly trigger the negative consequences that are often suggested.

2 Criteria for Gauging the importance of a given deadline:

- how specific was it?

- how many what, who, where and whens did it include?

PRINCIPLE 3:

Strategically use the word "fair" and don't fall prey to it

Organisms are often swayed by how much they perceive they  are being respected.

Consider starting the conversation with "I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times, so please stop me at any time if you feel I'm being unfair, and we'll address that."

NOTE: This principle is also addressed in “Getting to Yes”. One of the principles suggest that we get the other party to agree on the way in which you'll both arrive at a decision. The way Chris addresses it here is more subtle, and works on the emotions.

If the word "fair” is used against you, respond with:

"Fair? It seems like you're ready to provide evidence that supports that?"

Chris found that this response often gets them to contradict their claim that their offer is “fair”.  Their response to this question often gives you more data to work with too.

When you know the emotional drivers of the other side, you can then frame the deal in language that will get the other party to agree with your solution.

PRINCIPLE 4:

Persuade the other party that they have something to lose if the deal falls through

People are drawn to sure things over probabilities.

This was identified in 1979 by Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky.

They discovered that people are more likely to take risk to avoid loss than to gain reward. This is called loss aversion.

STEP 1: perform an accusation audit from empathy principle 2 (this reminds them of possible loss and prepares them with low expectations)

STEP 2: let them go first (what the other party has in mind might be a better deal than what you are currently willing to concede)

STEP 3: use a range. Bring up another deal similar to the one you're negotiating. This helps them to adjust their expectation. It also highlights potential while avoiding agitating their defenses. (Chris noticed that giving fixed numbers appears to agitate defenses.)

NOTE: make sure the lowest end of the range is “the price” you are willing to pay

STEP 4: avoid a heavy focus on financial bargaining

if anchor high combine your offer with other benefits to make it sound reasonable

STEP 5: When you talk about numbers, use odd number. It makes it seem like it is more accurate or took deliberation.

STEP 6: introduce an unrelated gift when you get push back. This activates the human need to reciprocate when they've been done a favor

3 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN NEGOTIATING A SALARY

1) Be respectfully persistent on non-monetary terms ( your skills, etc. )

2) Once you've both arrived at an acceptable agreement, clarify the expectations of your job role AND discuss what is necessary for a future raise.

3) Sell yourself as someone who values their opinion (“what does it take to be successful here?”)

Empathy Principle 6 – Illusion of Control

The goal of this section is to get the other person to suggest your solution on their own.

PRINCIPLE 1:

Use calibrated questions to help identify what they want

This also helps to give illusion of control to other party. It gives off the perception that you value their input.

Start the questions with “what” or “how”. Avoid "why", as it raises defenses.

EXAMPLES:

- What is the biggest challenge you face?

- What about this is important to you?

- How can I help to make this better for us?

- How would you like me to proceed?

- What is it that brought us into this situation?

- How can we solve this problem?

- What's the objective?/ What are we trying to accomplish here?

- How am I supposed to do that?

PRINCIPLE 2:

Avoid negotiating in situations of chaos

In situations of chaos, people are often highly perceptive to threats. This makes it much harder to gain their trust.

PRINCIPLE 3:

Consider the satisfaction of the people who aren't there

Sometimes the terms of the negotiation affects, or is carried out by people not present. These people can sometimes have an affect on the potential follow through of the negotiated deal.

PRINCIPLE 4:

Don't ask for everything directly.

When you ask directly, it sets the expectation that you are ready to reciprocate the favor.  It ignites a tic for tat mentality.

Find things out by asking indirect questions.

EXAMPLE: You would like to find out if they went to the office this morning.

“Was Bagel Betty's open when you went to the office this morning?”

PRINCIPLE 5:

After identifying what the other party wants, summarize the situation, and ask a “how” question, like "how am I suppose to do that?

“How” minimizes confrontation, and gets the other person in a problem solving mode, instead of a defensive one.

Empathy Principle 7 – Guarantee Execution

The goal of negotiation isn't to simply get a “yes”, its also to guarantee that the agreement can be executed. We can do this by focusing on the “how”

“Yes is nothing without how” - Chris Voss

PRINCIPLE 1:

Ask a number of "how" questions

“How” helps you to lead the conversation indirectly. Be very aware of your vocal tone, because some “how” questions can come of accusatory.

REASON: Gives the illusion of control and respect. It also buys time to develop rapport, and get more information on their desires.

NOTE: "How" questions are an indirect way of saying "no". It then forces the other party to drive a solution. (once again, seducing them to your solution, instead of forcing them into it)

The most ideal result is getting them to vocalize your solution in their own words. This gives them the impression that it is their idea.

PRINCIPLE 2:

Ask a version of these 2 questions

- How will we know we're on track?

- How will we address things if we find we're off track?

Once you get an answer, summarize their answers until you elicit a "That's Right"

PRINCIPLE 3:

Ask Calibrated Question to Identify The Team's Desires

As we talked about in the last section, its important to consider the team of people who will be influenced by the negotiation. They can often interfere with the terms even after an agreement has been made.

Ask versions of the following questions:

- How does this affect the rest of your team?

- How on-board are the people not here (or on this call)?

- What do you colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?

PRINCIPLE 4:

Address in-congruence in spoken word compared to body language

Pay more attention to the nonverbal cues than the words.

( “7-38-55” is a rule coined by a psych professor by the name of Albert Mehrabian that suggests that communication is 7% verbal 38% tone 55% body language )

When you notice in-congruence, mirror the other party's words and label them via a question.

EXAMPLE:

I noticed you said "yes", but it seems like you were hesitant.

PRINCIPLE 5:

Get the other party to agree to the same thing 3 times

This helps you identify whether or not you are getting a false yes (as we discussed in principle 3)

Here are what the 3 agreements might look like:

Agreement 1 = the first time they agree

Agreement 2 = label and summarize to get a "that's right"

Agreement 3 = a calibrated "what" or "how" question that gets them to explain the implementation

PRINCIPLE  6:

Look out for extra wordiness, complex explanations, and the avoidance of the word "i"

People who are lying tend to be concerned about being believed, so they often compensate through distracting and deflecting responsibility by avoiding the word “I”

PRINCIPLE 7:

Pay attention to the use of pronouns

Chris noticed that the easier someone uses "i" or "my" or "me", the less important they are to the negotiation. The more someone uses "they" "she" "he" the more important they are to the negotiation.

The decision maker often wants to avoid being pinned down in a negotiation so deflecting to others can help them feel protected.

PRINCIPLE 8:

Use your name in the introduction

Introducing yourself by name helps to humanize you, and indirectly elicits empathy.

PRINCIPLE 9:

Get people to bid against themselves

Say "no" indirectly by progressing through the following statements:

(1) “How am I suppose to do that?”

(2) “Your offer is very generous. I'm sorry, that just doesn't work for me.”

(3) “I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I just can't do that"

(4) “No” (last resort)

Empathy Principle 8 – Bargain Hard

Bargaining is the portion that elicits the most anxiety and aggression, thus its important to focus on developing the skill.

NOTE: Any response that isn't a complete rejection means you have the upper hand.

PRINCIPLE  1:

Identify your natural negotiation style

Being clear on your strengths and weaknesses in negotiating can give you a great advantage.

Chris identified 3 core styles. We all have a blend and can bounce between styles, but we each have one that is predominant, which one are you?

3 CORE NEGOTIATION STYLES:

Assertives

- Time is money mentality

- Getting it done vs. getting it perfect

- Respect is very important. It is very important for them to feel like they are being heard, and often don't have the ability to listen to you, until they've felt heard.

- They tend to be very direct and candid without concern for the repercussions

- Silence is an opportunity to talk more

- "That's right" is the most important phrase to get from them

- Oblivious of expectation of owing something

- Very sensitive to receiving something in return once they've given

Accommodators

- Enjoy the time spent building the relationship

- As long as communication is flowing, they are happy

- They tend to be optimistic, peace seeking, sociable, and poor time managers

- Uncovering their objections can be hard based on their agreeable nature

- When they are silent, if often means anger

- Most apt to offer something they can't deliver

Analysts

- Methodical

- They focus on minimizing mistakes

- Avoid showing emotion

- Can come off distant and cold

- Sensitive to reciprocity

- Often need silence to contemplate

- Asking too many questions too soon raises their defenses

- They avoid answering questions quickly

- Avoid immediate counter proposals

- Warn them of issues early

NOTE: Chris's advice for the analyst type is to smile at appropriate times during the negotiation to give off the perception of warmth.

NOTE: Chris offers a free resource to identifying your type here: http://info.blackswanltd.com/3-types

PRINCIPLE 2:

Identify the other party negotiating style

Chris says the biggest barrier to identifying the other party's style is our belief that they are like us. Avoid that trap.

PRINCIPLE 3:

Avoid being trapped in a compromise.

Let the other party anchor a price first.

Activate "how" and "what" questions.

If they insist on returning to price ask:

- "let's put price aside and talk about what would make this a good deal"

- "what else would you be able to offer to make this a good price for me?"

Avoid naming a price, instead allude to something comparable, but at a drastically higher; yet still reasonable, price.

PRINCIPLE 4:

When getting no where in the negotiation, become the aggressor

METHODS:

- Express genuine controlled anger at the proposal (not the person)

"I don't see how that will ever work."

- Ask "why" in a way that favors you in order to get them to remember the potential benefits and possible losses of your solution

EXAMPLE:

why would you ever do business with me?

why would you change from your existing supplier?

- Use “I” to set boundaries and avoid negative confrontation. (Be careful that you don't come off too aggressive.)

EXAMPLE: "I feel.."

- Be willing to walk away

We've all heard the "willing to walk away" advice, but if you're like me, that isn't always the easiest. One way of making it easier is to have multiple alternative options outside of the current negotiation.

PRINCIPLE 5: Offer-Counteroffer ( Ackerman Bargaining )

This negotiation method incorporates various psychological principles without you having to think about it.

STEP 1: set your target price (your goal)

STEP 2: set your first offer at 65% of your target price (extreme anchor that pushes them to alter their offer)

STEP 3: calculate 3 raises of decreasing increments (85 > 95 >100) (this convinces them that you are about to break)

STEP 4: use empathy and various ways of saying no to get the other side to counter before increasing your offer

STEP 5: use non-round numbers to give your ask credibility

STEP 6: in your final offer, throw in a non-monetary item that seems ridiculous or non-valuable to demonstrate to them that you are reaching your limits

HOW TO NEGOTIATE A RENT CUT AFTER GETTING A RENT INCREASE

Here are some points or things to consider:

- Bring up comparable lower prices in the area

- Summarize your past good behavior (such as paying on time)

- Incite a "how am i suppose to pay ___ extra?"

- Give an anchor offer

- Mirror their response, and follow with, "I'm sorry but I can't ___"

- Ask them to explain how they came to the increase

- Counter-offer

- Give them time to think and come back

- Use an accusation audit (its seems..)

- Do some fake calculations and provide non-round numbers

Empathy Principle 9 – Uncover The Unknown

In every negotiation it is important to identify:

The known knowns

The known unknowns

The unknown unknowns (most important) < “the black swans”

Chris spends some time urging us to get rid of assumptions and be aware of allowing what we believe we currently know to interfere or blind us to what we don't yet know.

Its important to convince the other party they have something to lose in order to increase your leverage.

3 ways to prime your brain to look for the unknown unknowns

1. voice your observations

2. ask questions

3. listen

3 types of leverage you can get from identifying the unknown unknown

1. positive leverage

control of what they want. You have the ability to provide or withhold

1. negative leverage

ability to create suffering

NOTE: when someone has negative leverage over you, label their leverage with an "it seems.."

EX: "It seems like you don't care what position you leave me in."

1. normative leverage

reflecting inconsistencies in the other party's argument

It is important to understand the other sides world view (emotional world view) so that you can word your argument from their world view. This often results in feelings of validation.

Chris describes their worldview as their “religion”

Understanding their “religion” = understanding their vulnerabilities.

Seek out things that conflict with what you've identified their religion to be.

MAIN PRINCIPLE:

Sometimes the other party will struggle to come to an agreement. This is often not because they are trying to be difficult, but because they are missing something. It is important to identify the blocks that are preventing the other person from coming to an agreement.

Here are a few to consider:

- Discover what they don't know and supply it.

- They are constrained in what they can do, but don't want to reveal it. Maybe they've already made promises that conflict.

- They had other interests that were not clear to you (you have not uncovered their motive)

- When all else fails, appear physically to discover black swans, this will help you to gain extra data by observing their unguarded moments. (before or after formal interactions)

Section 3 - Preparing for Your Next Negotiation

“When the pressure is on, you don't rise to the occasion – you fall to your highest level of preparation.” - Chris Voss

Here is a summary of the 5 tools you should anticipate and prepare for:

#1 – Think through the best and worst case scenarios, but only write a specific goal that represents the best case.

Chris stresses the importance of having a spectrum of scenarios in mind because you don't know exactly what you'll be facing in the negotiation. Identify what you cannot accept, and identify where you'd ideally like to go, but stay flexible with the ideal, because the other person's offer might exceed your expectations.

#2 – Summarize and write out the known facts that have led up to this negotiation.

Why are you there? What do you want? What do they want? Why do they want it?

This will help to prepare you with tactical empathy, and set you up to receive a “that's right”.

#3 – Identify 3-5 labels to use in your accusation audit.

Make a list of possible accusation they might make and turn each accusation into a list of at most 5 labels. Spend some time role-playing.

It seems like ____ is valuable to you.

It seems like you don’t like ___.

It seems like you value ____.

It seems like ___ makes it easier.

It seems like you're reluctant to ____ .

#4 – Prepare 3 -5 calibrated questions to identify the real value and overcome obstacles that might get in the way

Remember that effective negotiations are about moving past the stated wants, and identifying the underlying motives. Here are a few examples:

- What are we trying to accomplish?

- How is that worthwhile?

- Whats the core issue here?

- How does that affect things?

- What is the biggest challenge you face?

- How does this fit into what the objective is?

Special Case Examples:

When the implementation is done by a committee, consider asking:

- How does this affect the rest of your team?

- How on board are the people not on the people not on this call?

- What do your colleagues see as their main challenges in this area?

When there are deal killing issues..consider asking:

- What are we up against here?

- What is the biggest challenge you face?

- How does making a deal with us affect things?

- What happens if you do nothing?

- What does doing nothing cost you?

- How does making this deal resonate with what your company prides itself on?

- Follow up the deal killing questions with labels.

#5 Prepare a list of non-monetary things that the other side could give you

Ask yourself: what could the other side give me that would almost get me to agree to their terms for free?

GIVEAWAY

I turned this last chapter into a 7 page worksheet. You can use this to prepare for your negotiation. You can download the PDF here.

Conclusion

I really enjoyed writing this summary. Similarly, I've also written a summary for one of the most popular negotiation books “Getting to Yes” (you can check it out here: www.mindsetwarrior.com/summary-guides ). The difference between the two are clear to me. I think my temperament (high emotional intelligence) lends itself to taking away more practical points from “Never Split The Difference”. I imagine it might be hard for some people to grasp Chris's approach, because its not a clear cut linear process. He heavily focuses on the seduction aspect of negotiation, whereas “Getting to Yes” is very analytical and step by step. I think both books serve their purpose well. Keep this summary around, and grab a refresher next time you find yourself in a sales situation, or have the need to negotiate.

Here are some quick bookmarks from earlier:

Want to negotiate a rent raise? (click here)

Want to get a response to an email? (click here)

Want to negotiate a salary? (click here)

Also don't forget to grab the negotiation prep sheet here.

- Continue to the Next Page for Another Special Bonus -

BONUS:

Biases cloud our decision making on a day-to-day basis. You may have learned about a few of our cognitive biases back in your college or high school psychology class. It is time we get a refresher and understand how cognitive biases truly color our daily lives.

While we can't completely escape our biases, having an understanding of them can give us an advantage.

Get the FREE Cognitive Bias Report

FEEDBACK:

If you'd like to provide feedback on how I can better improve these books, your opinion would be very much appreciated. Please send me an email at: summaries@mindsetwarrior.com

I would love to hear from you.

- Alexa Taylor ( The Mindset Warrior )