Copyright Charles Panati 1999

With Love

To MY NIECES

Jacqueline Wilson

and

Carolyn Wilson

A WORD

TO THE WISE

IS SUFFICIENT

INTRODUCTION

Honesty is the best policy. Charity begins at home. Don't judge a book by its cover. Forgive and forget. Mind your Ps and Qs. Actions speak louder than words. Different strokes for different folks. A fiend in need is a fiend indeed.

Where do such nuggets of wisdom come from?

"Mom and dad," a child might answer. But where did mom and dad learn: "God works in mysterious ways . . ." "Give credit where credit is due . . ." "Haste makes waste"?

The origins of wisdom expressions, and of giving advice, can be tracked back to a culture's sacred scripture and its secular fables. The importance of scripture is understood by everyone, but the significance of fables is underappreciated today.

A fable is a short tale, often featuring animals that speak and behave as

Introduction

human beings. A fable is told to highlight human follies and foibles, and a moral is woven into the story or stated at its end. Aesop's "The Hare and the Tortoise," in which a plodding turtle wins a race against a whirlwind rabbit, teaches that "Slow and steady wins the race."

In the ancient past, when most people were unable to read or write, fables were the tools for teaching morals and values. In times when free speech was dangerous, the truth about a political oppressor could be couched in a clever fable about a brutish bull who's taught a lesson about freedom from a simple, free-spirited sparrow. Today we think of a fable as a child's tale, but centuries ago it was the embodiment of a cultures collective wisdom.

Simple as the fable is, it's the forerunner of many literary forms: the parable (found in the sacred scriptures of all religions), the fairy tale ("Cinderella," "Puss 'n Boots"), the phantasmagoric tales of Lewis Carroll {Alice in Wonderland), the stories of Hans Christian Andersen, Beatrix Potter, and J. R. R. Tolkien, as well as the sobering modern fable that is George Orwell's Animal Farm (1945), a scathing allegorical "animal" portrait of Stalinist Russia. Animals have long been teaching humans lessons they are otherwise loath to learn.

Early peoples, observing distinctive traits in animals—a pig's gluttony, a dog's loyalty, a bird's unbounded freedom—chose to pass their values from generation to generation by couching moral truths in simple animal stories that would be amusing to children and easily understood by them. The Western tradition of the fable, and the origins of many wisdom expressions, can be traced back to Aesop, who lived in the 6 th century b.c.e. Or did he?

Aesop—Man or Myth? ♦

Aesop is indisputably the world's best-known fabulist, and his K^*rJ- clever beast tales with their moral endings have appeared in virtually every major language. But what do we know of the man who is credited the world over with coining many of history's most popular wisdom maxims?

Was Aesop a handsome Greek slave who lived in the 6 th century B.C.E.

Introduction

and won his freedom by telling fables that condemned slavery?

Was he a short, ugly Greek with bad breath, who made people laugh by acting out his seriocomic animal fables, each ending, like a joke, with a whopper of a punch line?

Or, as some African-American scholars suggest, was Aesop a black African slave—or sage—who arrived in Greece from his nation of Aethiops, modern Ethiopia, and was dubbed by the Greeks Aesop? Where his stories originally African nuggets of wisdom?

Or, as seems most likely, was Aesop merely the name invented for the title page of a collection of three hundred fifty-eight folk-wisdom fables?

If Aesop existed, we do know how he worked. He constructed his fables using a simple, two-part formula. He would start with an small, amusing tale from oral tradition, an animal story perhaps like this:

There once was a dog who was fond of swallowing eggs whole. Mistaking a clam for an egg one day, he opened his mouth wide and swallowed it in one gulp. The weight of the clam hit his stomach and caused him great pain. Trying to pass it the next day caused him more anguish. "Serves me right, " he groaned to himself, for thinking that anything round and white must be an egg. "

In part two of the formula, Aesop would add a moral to the tale:

moral: Appearances are often deceiving.

These moral tags took on the status of national proverbs: Don't bite the hand that feeds you . . . united we stand, divided we fall . . . don't count your chickens before they are hatched . . . Aesopian fables are responsible for many of our most cherished maxims, which are as valid today as they ever were. Some maxims are an integral part of the fable; others were probably affixed by later writers or by people recounting the tales.

A fable needn't be long. The shorter the better, for one arrived at the moral all the faster. One of Aesop's shortest fables says:

A vixen, who had large litters, sneered at a lioness who give birth to

x i

Introduction

■ W —i»E—■— F W ^ WM H H I WWif MHWi ftW fc, Ik.

Sour grapes. Unable to reach the grapes, the fox concludes "they were sour anyway. "

only one cub at a time. The lioness replied, "Yes, only one. But a lion. " moral: Quality, not quantity, is what counts.

"Sour grapes," referring to something we want but can't have and therefore conclude was worthless anyway, is from an Aesop fable. In "The Fox and the Sour Grapes," a fox struggles to reach a cluster of grapes hanging from a tree, and finally gives up, muttering "They were sour grapes anyway."

Many sleuths have attempted to unmask the identity of Aesop. Herodotus (485-425 B.C.E.), the "father of history," claimed that he had lived a hundred years before his own time and was a slave. The Greek biographer Plutarch (46-120 C.E.) said Aesop had been the "wisdom advisor" to Croesus, king of Lydia in the 6 th century B.C.E. An Egyptian biographer of the 1 st century C.E. placed Aesop on the island of Samos as a slave who won his freedom by charming and educating local authorities with fables about the evils of slavery and the nobility of freedom.

How did Aesop meet his death? We're told by an ancient biographer that one of the master fabulist's tales finally failed him:

x t i

Introduction

Freed from Samos, Aesop traveled throughout Greece using fables to teach morals and values. One day, departing from the mountain city of Delphi, he was stopped by authorities who discovered a sacred gold chalice in his bag, where it had been planted by enemies concerned by the fabulist's growing popularity with the masses. Charged with theft, impiety, and sacrilege, Aesop was brought to trial. He stated his innocence and recounted several fables about the value of justice. When the case seemed to be going against him, he appealed to the court on the grounds of generous Delphian laws of hospitality. He recounted a fable about a beast who broke with rules of hospitality and thus forced the gods to take revenge on all of his kind. His critics couldn't be swayed—or intimidated.

No sooner had Aesop been hurled to his death from a cliff outside the city than a succession of natural disasters, from earthquakes to plagues, struck. The Delphians concluded that they'd killed a clairvoyant; worse, they'd killed a friend of the gods. Thus in death the storyteller became even more famous, and the morals of his tales gained in authority.

The fables attributed to Aesop remained oral tradition for centuries.

Then, about three hundred years after "Aesop's death," two hundred fables appeared in Assemblies of Aesopic Tales, by Demetrius Phalereus, founder of the renowned Alexandria library. From this time onward the tales were credited to Aesop. Later, in the early years of Christianity, Phae-drus, a Roman fabulist and scribe to Augustus Caesar, translated Aesop's tales into Latin iambic meter. Later still, in the time of Marcus Aurelius, a teacher named Valerius Babrius rewrote the tales and combined them with a collection of beast fables from India, a country with its own rich tradition of beast stories that taught morals and values.

The Jewish Midrash, verse commentaries on Hebrew Scripture begun during the 6 th century B.C.E. Babylonian captivity, contains several Aesop fables: "The Lion and the Crane," "The Fox in the Vineyard," and "The Camel Who Got Slit Ears for Wanting Horns."

In the early 1300s, a monk in Constantinople, Maximus Planudes, published yet another translation of Aesop's fables. Each collector and translator edited and inserted his own views; and it is from these collections, containing anachronisms, pagan and Christian forms of speech, and sentiments from Mediterranean Europe and India, that we get the

x i i i

Introduction

modern tales about: a wily fox, a timid deer, a friendly dog, an independent cat, a noble lion, a slow tortoise, a racing hare, the natural traits of animals allowed them to be easily endowed with human passions and weaknesses.

Throughout this book, I identify the origins of certain wisdom maxims by the name Aesop, as if the fabulist had existed. One day some clay tablet, papyrus scrap, or leather scroll may turn up to prove he did.

"A word to the wise is sufficient," from which I took the title of this book, suggests that an intelligent person doesn't need to be told something twice. The maxim has been traced back to one of the greatest Roman comic dramatists, Plautus (c. 254-184 B.C.E.). His works, loosely adapted from Greek plays, established a truly Roman drama in the Latin language. The Shakespeare of his day, Plautus dared to write in the bawdy, racy idiom of common folk, and he staged scenes that were lively, action-packed, and even slapstick. His works were immensely popular, and dubbed by his contemporaries the "New Comedy." In Persa (c. 200 B.C.E.; "The Persian") he wrote: "A word to the wise is enough." Actually he wrote in Latin: Verbum sat sapienti, "a word is sufficient to a wise man." He coined many maxims, and the later Roman statesman and orator Cicero (106—43 B.C.E.) expressed envy of the playwright's witty command of Latin.

The maxim was popularized in America by Benjamin Franklin in Poor Richards Almanack (1757):

Father Abraham stood up, and reply d, If you have my Advice, I'll give it you in short, for a Word to the Wise is enough, and many Words won't fill a Bushel, as Poor Richard says. In "Father Abraham's Speech, or, The Way to Wealth."

The maxim appeared in the writings of Thomas Jefferson (1786) and George Washington (1789). According to educator E. D. Hirsch, Jr., it is one of the 265 proverbs that every American needs to know.

CHAPTER

Would you buy

a used car from this man?

HONESTY

& Self-Knowledge

definition: Fair and truthful conduct, behavior that is free, from deception and fraud.

word origin: From the Latin honestus, related to "honor, "suggesting that an honest person is an honorable one.

significance: Honesty is the ethical glue that holds together societies and individual relationships. Honesty is also the basis for knowing oneself genuinely. Dishonesty, its opposite, undermines trust and leads to the deterioration of group harmony and personal relationships.

related virtues: Dignity, integrity, honor,fidelity, and justice.

opposite traits: Lying cheating, unscrupulous-ness, treachery, and infidelity.

Honesty is the best policy ♦

Aesop, Greece, 6 th Century B.C.E.; Edwin Sandys, founder of Virginia; EUROPAE SPECULUM, 1599

Honesty is the best policy" is one of the most popular maxims in the JL Jl English language—perhaps the most popular. In a poll rating children's familiarity with wisdom cliches, it ranked at the top, and equivalent versions exist in virtually every language. American educator E. D. Hirsch, Jr. cites it as one of a handful of proverbs that every child must learn at an early age—the earlier the better—in order to acquire good behavior.

It was perhaps the favorite motto of America's first president:

I hold the maxim no less applicable to public than to private affairs, that honesty is always the best policy. GEORGE WASHINGTON, Farewell Address.

The wisdom is at least 2,500 years old. It first appeared as the moral of Aesop's fable "Mercury and the Woodcutter," a story about two woodcutters—one honest, the other dishonest—and their encounters with the god Mercury, as he was known to the Romans (to the Greeks he was Hermes). In Roman and Greek mythology, Mercury/Hermes is the messenger of the gods, as well as the god of commerce, cleverness, eloquence, travel, and thievery. The fable was a favorite with both Greek and Roman children. Any child can easily grasp its timeless moral:

A woodcutter accidentally dropped his old, battered ax, dull and chipped by wear, in a river. The ax sank straight to the bottom, depriving the poor man of the one tool of his trade. With his livelihood lost, the woodcutter sat on the riverbank and began to cry.

At that moment, the god Mercury broke through the surface of the water, holding up a splendid golden ax. "Could this be yours, old man?"

"Oh, I wish that it were, " sighed the woodcutter.

Mercury dove back into the icy-cold water and this time brought up

Would you buy a used car from this man?

Aesop's honest woodcutter: Honesty is the best policy.

a magnificent silver ax. "So this is yours, "said the god, offering the man the wonderful ax.

"If only it were, " lamented the woodcutter. "But my ax is old, and rusted, and chipped on the head. "

Mercury, pleased with the mans honesty, plunged into the river a third time and surfaced with the woodsman's used ax. "You are an honest man. I want you to take the golden ax and the silver ax as rewards for telling the truth. "

Thanking his benefactor, the woodsman ran home to tell his wife of his good fortune. As the story spread, a neighbor, who was also a woodcutter, rushed to the same spot on the riverbank and tossed his only ax into the deep water.

Suddenly Mercury broke through the waters surface bearing a golden ax. "Is this the ax you lost, my friend?"

"Yes, yes, it is, " lied the man, greedily reaching for the magnificent tool.

Mercury tossed the golden ax into the water. "I deny you that one, " said the god, "and your own ax. "

"Please, just get me my old ax, "pleaded the man. "I wont be able to support my wife and children. "

Words to Live By

Mercury departed, and the woodsman cried to himself, "Honesty is the best policy."

Roman writers worked Aesop's "honesty" maxim into many of their own fables. The Roman rhetorician Quintilian, born in Spain around 30 C.E., used it in his book Institutionis Oratoriae (80 C.E.), adding his own wise spin:

Divine Providence has granted this gift to man: That all things got by honesty are also the most advantageous to possess.

The first printing of the maxim in English appeared in Europae Speculum (1599), by Sir Edwin Sandys, an English nobleman and a founder of the colony of Virginia: "Our grosse conceipts, who think honestie the best policie"—translated as "A prime concept, who think honesty the best policy." After a tour of the European continent, Sandys published A Relation of the State of Religion (1605), a remarkably tolerant analysis of contemporary creeds, which highlighted the maxim as a universal proverb.

Many famous American statesmen incorporated the maxim into their writings. Benjamin Franklin used "honesty is the best policy" twice (1777, 1779), as did Alexander Hamilton (1778, 1784) and Thomas Paine (1778, 1779). American presidents also favored it: Thomas Jefferson used the maxim once (1785), as did John Quincy Adams (1787) and James Monroe (1794); Andrew Jackson used it twice (1827, 1833), and George Washington penned the motto four times (1785, 1786, 1787, 1796).

"Honesty is the best policy" also appears in Washington Irving's Knickerbockers History of New York (1809), Charles Dickens's David Cop-perfield (1850), and Louisa May Alcott's Little Women (1868).

Truth will out ♦

Aesop, 6 th century B.C.E.; John Lydgate; LIFE OF SAINT Alban and Saint Amphibial, 1439

Would you buy a used car from this man

Truth cannot remain hidden forever.

yf mother, wagging her finger, warns a child, "the truth will k^^jL out!" Parents have been making that threat, in exactly those three words, for at least a half millenium. The message is that no truth can be hidden forever, that sooner or later it will be revealed.

The maxim, in English, has been traced back to Life of Saint Alb an and Saint Amphibial (1439), a biography by English poet John Lydgate (c. 1370-c. 1450), known principally for his long moralistic and devotional works. Lydgate wrote; "Trouthe wil out . . . Ryghtwysnesse may not ben hid" ("truth will out . . . rightousness may not be hidden"). One of the most prolific of English poets (145,000 lines of his verse survive) Lydgate was a novice in the Benedictine Abbey of Bury Saint Edmunds, where he became a priest in 1397. In addition to specializing in biographies of saints, Lydgate translated his own version of Aesop's many fables and may have picked up "truth will out" from "The Mole and his Mother":

A young mole boasted to his mother that he could see.

His mother knew very well that all moles were blind, that they lived in the dark, in underground burrows and had no need to see. She decided to find out if her son was lying. She placed a firm, sweet-smelling tuber in front of him. "What do you see?" she asked.

The young mole touched the hard object with his nose. "Why, a

Words to Live By

stone, mother, " he said.

"Not only are you blind like the rest of us," she answered, "but you have no sense of smell either. If you had not lied about being able to see, I would never have discovered the truth about your sense of smell. "

moral: In time, the truth will become known.

A long-winded version of the maxim appeared in Richard Taverner's Proverbs and Adages (1539): "The thing that good is, though it be suppressed and kept for a time, at length will break out again." Another sixteenth-century text, with the contemporary-sounding title of Wealth & Health (1558), expressed the maxim more succinctly: "Truth will appear."

The exact wording we use today was expressed by William Shakespeare in The Merchant of Venice {c. 1596):

Well, old man, I will tell you news of your son. Give me your blessing; truth will come to light; murder cannot be hid long; a mans son may, but, in the end, the truth will out. ACT II, SCENE II.

Truth (never, often, always) hurts ♦

Robert Browning; FlFlNE AT THE FAIR, 1872

^TJeing told the truth can be a painful experience for the listener, and a AJ liberating experience for the truth teller. The listener may be crushed under the weight of truth, while the teller feels a burden has been lifted off his or her chest. Truth is a weighty thing. This wisdom has been traced back to English poet Robert Browning, noted for his mastery of dramatic monologue and psychological portraiture. After the death of his wife, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, in 1861, Robert Browning produced several long narrative poems, including Fifine at the Fair, in which he wrote: "So absolutely good is truth, truth never hurts the teller."

Other writers, referring variously to the truth teller or the truth listener, have expressed "Truth often hurts," "Truth never hurts," and "Truth always hurts." George Bush, when he was vice president, used the maxim:

Would you buy a used car from this man?

We want the truth. The President wants it. I want it. And the American people have a fundamental right to it. And if the truth hurts, so be it. We gotta take our lumps and move ahead. New York Times, 1986.

If there was ever a grain of truth to these stories [of a drug connection], it surely would have come out. Oliver L. North, Under Fire, 1991.

I cannot tell a lie ♦

George Washington and the Cherry Tree: Mason Locke Weems; The Life of Washington, 1806 Edition

George Washington is one of two American presidents (along with Abraham Lincoln) whose honesty became legend. Every American knows what little six-year-old George did with the hatchet given to him by his father. The story has been repeated for 190 years, despite the fact that there is no historic truth to support it. It has crept into textbooks, and this white lie—a dishonesty—has taught millions of children that they should always tell the truth. One could argue that a fable is not meant to represent truth but intended to teach a moral, which brings up the question "does the means justify the end?" a maxim addressed in a later chapter.

President George Washington died in 1799. Seven years latter a biography appeared titled The Life of George Washington, with Curious Anecdotes, Equally Honourable to Himself and Exemplary to His Young Countrymen. It was written by Mason Locke Weems (also known as "Parson" Weems), who was a preacher, a prolific writer, as well as a door-to-door book-peddler. He was also a prevaricator. Weems boasted that he had been the minister at Washington's church, which he had not. Although Weems may have meet Washington on one or two occasions, the two men were not close friends, as Weems claimed.

Weems knew absolutely nothing about Washington's childhood, but that did not stop him from writing about it. Weems made up the stories as he wrote, and one of them became an American legend:

When George was six, his father gave him a little hatchet. George liked

Words to Live By

the hatchet very much, and chopped down everything that got in his way One day he started chopping the family's beautiful cherry tree, his fathers favorite. He worked diligently on the tree until it fell over.

The next morning his father discovered the felled tree. He told several people that he would not have traded the tree for a hundred dollars, but no one could tell him who chopped it down.

Soon little George and his hatchet appeared. "George, " said his father, "do you know who killed the little cherry tree yonder in the garden?"

This was a tough question, and George struggled with it for a moment. Finally he bravely cried out, "I cannot tell a lie, Pa. You know I cannot tell a lie. I did cut it with my hatchet. "

"Run to my arms, you dearest boy," cried his father in great joy "Run to my arms. Glad am I, George, that you killed my tree. For you have paid me for it a thousand times over. Such an act of honesty is worth more than a thousand trees, though loaded with fruit of the purest gold."

Parson Weems claimed to have proof of the tale's validity. He said it came from an old woman, a friend of the Washington family. But he never named the woman, and she apparently never told this interesting story to anyone else.

Do we have a clue as to how Weems made up the tale? Perhaps. While the preacher was writing his biography of Washington, his own young son pulled up a rosebush from the garden. The bush had been Weems's favorite. The father confronted his son, who told the truth and received a severe spanking. Maybe Weems felt guilty for not rewarding truth with a hug and wrote the cherry tree story as an ideal version of what he felt he should have done.

Three thoughts on truth telling:

It was thought unwise to place [a statue of John F Kennedy] beside that of George Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside [a statute of] F D. Roosevelt, who never told the truth, since John cannot tell the difference. Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr., A Thousand Days, 1965.

Would you buy a used car from this man?

I cannot tell a lie. His name [Ross Perot's] has come up. GEORGE BUSH, ABC "World News Now."

We ... we did, if, the, the, I, I, the stories are just as they have been said. They're outrageous, and they're not so. BILL CLINTON, RESPONDING TO ALLEGATIONS OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT, TlME, 1994

Truth is stranger than siction ♦

Lord Byron; DON JUAN, 1823

/^7~^oday, no one would argue with this maxim. The bizarreness of the JL modern world makes imaginative fiction seem pale by comparison. The power of the novel to shock readers has been usurped by journalism that documents real-life events.

Edmund Burke, British statesman and parliamentary orator, compared the rivalry between truth and fiction in Conciliation with America (1775): "When we speak of the commerce with our colonies, fiction lags after truth; invention is unfruitful, and imagination cold and barren." But the maxim was first stated by English Romantic poet George Gordon, Lord Byron, in his satiric masterpiece Don Juan:

Tis strange — but true; for truth is always

strange; Stranger than fiction.

Mark Twain, in Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar (1897), commented on the adage: "Truth is stranger than Fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't."

Beauty is truth, truth beauty ♦

John Keats; Ode ON A GRECIAN Urn, 1820

The maxim suggests that the two virtues are equal in goodness and power. Truth is a beautiful thing, and beauty is its own truth. Ro-

Words to Live By

John Keats.

mantic lyric poet John Keats, in Ode on a Grecian Urn, first stated the maxim in suggesting that there is a certain beauty in works of art that remains true for all time. Keats was contrasting art's eternal beauty with the transience of youth and human beauty, strongly brought home to him by the untimely death of his brother:

When old age shall this generation waste, Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou

sayst "Beauty is truth, truth beauty" — that is all Ye know of earth, and all ye need to know.

Stanza 5.

An "honest Abe" ♦

The legend of Abraham Lincoln; c. 1835, New Salem, Illinois

Would you buy a used car from this man?

You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time ♦

Attributed to Lincoln

Calling someone an "honest Abe" is a direct reference to Abraham Lincoln, America's sixteenth president (1861-1865) and a man of sterling character. As a young lawyer, Lincoln was asked to defend a client in court whose integrity he doubted. The young Lincoln studied the legal case in detail, then told the prospective client:

You have a pretty good case, technically. But in terms of justice and equity, it's got problems. So you'll have to look for another lawyer to handle the case, because the whole time I was up there talking to the jury, I'd be thinking, "Lincoln, you're a liar!" and I just might forget myself and say it out loud.

Lincoln is the only president besides George Washington whose honesty has become legendary. It was during Lincoln's shopkeeping days in New Salem, Illinois, that he earned the fair-dealing reputation that won him the sobriquet "Honest Abe." The nickname stuck with him lifelong, and referring to a trustworthy person as "an honest Abe" entered the American vernacular. Here's the story:

At the age of twenty-four Lincoln was named postmaster of New Salem, at an annual salary of $55.70. Soon the New Salem office closed. For some years no agent from Washington arrived to reclaim the balance of salary — $17 — Lincoln now owed the government.

By the time an agent arrived, Lincoln had begun a fledgling law practice and was struggling to make ends meet. When the agent asked for the unearned pay, Lincoln opened an old trunk, and removed a yellowed rag bound with string. Untying the bundle, he handed the agent seventeen dollars.

The agent was dumbfounded to see the original money untouched after all these years, especially since Lincoln was living in poverty.

Words to Live By

Abraham Lincoln taking the presidential oath for the second time on March 4, 1865.

Lincoln explained, "I never use any man's money but my own. "

About 100 years later credit cards were invented. Today few people can boast "I never use any man's money but my own."

Abraham Lincoln is credited with the maxim: "You can fool some of the people all of the time, all the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time." The saying has not been found in any of Lincoln's works, and the only source is "Abe" Linclons Yarns and Stories

Would you buy a used car from this man?

(1904), by Alexander K. McClure, who claimed the president addressed the comment to a White House guest.

Let the buyer beware ♦

Code of Hammurabi, c. 1750 B.C.E.

r I lie wisdom "let the buyer beware" appeared in the Code of Ham-JL murabi (c. 1750 B.C.E.), one of the oldest sets of human laws. Known in Roman times as Caveat emptor, it was first rendered in English in The Book of Husbandry (1523), by John Fitzherbert. Today we use the word "husbandry" in its agricultural sense: the scientific control and management of domesticated farm animals. But when the word arose in the fourteenth century—from the Middle English husbonde, "master of a house"—it commonly referred to the care and management of a human household.

I'm from Missouri, you've got to show me ♦

Attributed to Colonel Willard Duncan Vandiver (1854-1932), Columbia, Missouri

/'m from Missouri, you've got to show me" suggests that honesty is not enough to convince a Missourian: he or she wants proof. Some authorities claim the maxim dates back as far as the Civil War. Others attribute it to Colonel Willard Duncan Vandiver, of Columbia, Missouri, who is said to have used it in a speech at a naval banquet before the Five o'Clock Club of Philadelphia in 1899, though he never made the claim himself. Another military man, General Emmett Newton, claimed he coined the saying as a boy in 1892 in response to another boy's bragging about his collection of badges.

It's too good to be true ♦

Thomas Lupton; Siuquila, 1580

I

t's too good to be true" suggests that an event is just too favorable to be believed. The cynical saying implies that one should check for an

'5

Words to Live By

ulterior motive or hidden agenda. The maxim originated with a book title, Siuquila; Too Good to Be True (1580), by Thomas Lupton.

American Presidents on Honesty

I hope I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man. George Washington, to Alexander Hamilton, 1788.

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1819.

Men are disposed to live honestly, if the means of doing so are open to them. Thomas Jefferson.

The first of qualities for a great statesman is to be honest... To believe all men honest would be folly. To believe none so, is something worse. JOHN Quincy Adams, 1809

The man who is dishonest as a statesman would be a dishonest man in any station. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1816.

/ do not believe that nations any more than individuals can safely violate the rules of honesty and fair dealing. GROVER CLEVELAND, 1886.

To state the facts frankly is not to despair for the future nor indict the past. John F. Kennedy, State of the Union Message, January 1961.

No men living are more worthy to be trusted than those who toil up from poverty, none less inclined to take or touch aught which they have not honestly earned. Let them beware of surrendering a political power which they already possess. Abraham Lincoln, Annual Message to Congress, December 1861.

In this century, one president more than any other summed up the

*4

Would you buy a used car from this man? power packed by honesty in all human endeavors:

Honesty will cure ten thousand ills to today:

Honesty of leadership will spare us the popular misconceptions which are ever menacing to democracy.

Honesty in statecraft will point the way to impregnable heights.

Honesty among nations will dissolve their differences, so that new and lasting friendships may be bound by the ties of fraternity and mutual trust.

Honesty in politics will reveal unerring public opinion, and honesty in public service everywhere will diminish public waste and extravagance.

Honesty of manhood and womanhood will abolish the sources of discontent which threaten the worlds civilization, and will bring us to conviction regarding the fundamentals of the social fabric, without which fundamentals there can be no human progress. WARREN G. Harding, Address, May 17, 1923.

What did the president know, and when did he know it? ♦

Howard H. Baker, Jr., Vice Chairman of the Watergate Committee; 1973

/f~W of the hortatory "honesty" quotations in the previous section K^S JL do not mean that American presidents were or are totally honest. The hardest thing for any of us to do is practice what we preach. During the Nixon era Watergate investigation, Republican Senator Howard H. Baker, Jr., of Tennessee repeatedly asked conspirators during the hearings: "What did the President know, and when did he know it?" It eventually was revealed that Richard Nixon knew a lot and knew it early on.

Bakers question quickly became a standard query in any political scandal. "What did [name] know, and when did he [or she] know it?"

What did George Bush know about the Iran-contra affair and when did he know it? The answers turn out to be: a lot, and early. NEW

Words to Live By

York Times, 1992.

In Ethics/Ready Reference (1994), James Smallwood gave a capsule view of dishonesty at the White House over the last few decades:

By 1952, despite his own best efforts, President Harry Truman's administration became hopelessly corrupt; that fact helped the Republicans retake the Oval Office, but the Eisenhower administration had its scandals, too. President John F. Kennedy contributed to the trend of dishonesty among public figures. He received the Pulitzer Prize for Profiles in Courage. The problem? 1 He did not write it. His staff, headed by Theodore Sorenson, did. Next, President Lyndon B. Johnson did his best with the internal "War on Poverty," but he lied about the shooting war in Vietnam. One need say little about the Nixon administration except one word — Watergate. On and on the trend goes. In the 1992 political campaign, president-to-be Bill Clinton was less than candid about certain matters in his private life. His immediate predecessors, Ronald Reagan and George Bush, were no better; both became mired in the "Irangate" arms-for-hostages scandal.

In wine there is truth ♦

Pliny the Elder; His tor ia naturalis, 77 C.E.

T /umans began drinking alcoholic beverages several thousand years A Jt ago and no doubt quickly learned that spirits will loosen the tongue and unleash the truth. Morning-after regrets are not a recent development. The Greek poet Alcaeus was the first to record this aspect of imbibing with his warning: "Wine, my dear boy, and Truth!" (c. 600 B.C.E.).

The adage was already commonplace in Plato's time. In his Symposium the philosopher passed it along: "Wine, as the saying goes, is truthful."

The modern wording was rendered, in Latin, by the great Roman naturalist and writer Pliny the Elder in his Natural History (77 C.E.): "It has become a common proverb that in wine there is truth." In vino Veritas is the Latin that is remembered today.

Would you buy a used car from this man?

Benjamin Franklin, in Poor Richards Almanack (1755), gave his own witty, inverted phrasing: "When the Wine enters, out goes the truth"— indicating that when people drink they are prone to boast shamelessly about their achievements.

Liars are not to be believed even when they tell the truth ♦

Aesop; Greece, 6 th Century B.C.E.

The Shepherd Boy and the Wolf," commonly known as "The Boy Who Cried Wolf," is one of the most popular of the three hundred fifty-eight fables credited to Aesop:

Every day the shepherd boy was sent with his fathers sheep into the mountain pasture to guard the flock. It was a lonely spot at the edge of a dark forest, and there were no companions with whom he could pass the long, weary hours of the day.

One day, just to stir up some excitement, he rushed down from the pasture, crying "WolfI Wolf!"

The villagers heard the alarm and came running with clubs and pitchforks to help case the threat away, only to find the sheep grazing peacefully and no wolf in sight.

So well had the trick worked that the foolish boy seeking more excitement, tried it again and again, and each time the villagers came running, only to be laughed at for their pains.

But there came a day when a wolf really did arrive at the isolated spot, threatening the flock. The boy ran and screamed for help — but all in vain! The neighbors, supposing him to be up to his old tricks, paid no heed to his cries, and the wolf had his full of devouring the sheep.

moral: Liars are not to be believed even when they tell the truth.

Once caught in a lie, it's hard to regain peoples' trust. Aristotle expressed this fact, according to a later Greek historian:

Liars when they speak the truth are not believed. QUOTED BY DlO-

Words to Live By

Leaving the herd unguarded, the shepherd boy ran off to cry "Wolf."—just for excitement.

GENES LAERTIUS, Lives, Teaching, and Saying of Famous Philosophers,

3 rd century, c.e.

In the 1970s, H. R. Haldeman, aide to President Richard Nixon, expressed the fact that once a truth is known it's hard to cover up: "Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in."

In God We Trust ♦

Francis Scott Key; "The Star-Spangled Banner, " 1814

/n God We Trust" became the official motto of the United States in 1956. It had been engraved on the two-cent coin in 1864. The phrase originated with the national anthem, "The Star-Spangled Banner," writ-

Would you buy a used car from this man?

ten by Francis Scott Key during the War of 1812.

In September 1814, after the burning of the city of Washington by the British, Key was sent to the British fleet in Chesapeake Bay to secure the release of a friend, William Beanes. He was detained aboard ship during the shelling of Fort McHenry. During the night of the bombardment, September 13-14, his anxiety reached high pitch; and in the morning when he saw the American flag still flying over the fortress, he was inspired to write "The Star-Spangled Banner." Released by the British that day, he rewrote the poem in a Baltimore hotel. It was printed anonymously under the title "Defence of Fort McHenry" and on September 21 was published by the Baltimore American. Set to the tune of an English drinking song, "To Anacreon in Heaven," it became popular throughout the nation and was adopted by both the army and navy. On March 3, 1931, the song was officially adopted by Congress as the national anthem. The saying comes from the line:

777*72 conquer we must, when our cause it is Just, And this be our motto: "In God we trust!"

Trust everyone, but cut the cards ♦

Finley Peter Dunne; Mr. Dooley's Opinions, 1900

£~~7~'rust everyone, but cut the cards" originated in card playing to pre-JL vent cheating, and first appeared in Mr. Dooley's Opinions (1901), by American journalist and humorist Finley Peter Dunne. Dunne was born of Irish-immigrant parents. In 1884 he started working for various Chicago newspapers, specializing in political reporting and editorial writing. In 1892 he began contributing Irish-dialect sketches to the Chicago Evening Post and five years later to the Chicago Journal. In these publications Dunne introduced the homely philosopher Martin Dooley, a saloonkeeper who commented on politics and society in a rich Irish brogue: "Trust ivrybody, but cut th' ca-ards." Assume no one is cheating when he shuffles, but just in case you are wrong and someone has stacked the deck, cut the cards yourself.

Dunne's sketches attained national circulation after the success of Mr.

Words to Live By

Dooley's comical observations on Admiral George Dewey's victory at Manila in 1898. Soon Dunne's witty penetration of shams and hypocrisies made Mr. Dooley a force for clear thinking and tolerance in public affairs. Many of Mr. Dooley's remarks, such as "th' supreme coort follows th' iliction [election] returns," became part of American lore.

"Trust everyone, but cut the cards" has an equivalent in an old Russian proverb: "Trust, but verify." President Ronald Reagan, meeting with Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, used both expressions:

We have listened to the wisdom in an old Russian maxim. Though my pronunciation may give you difficulty, the maxim is, "Doveryai no proveryai," "Trust but verify. " NEW YORK TIMES, 1987.

/ know there've been some people that have worried a little about Gorbachev and me in these summit meetings, and they think maybe I'm kind of — well, I've gotten a little easier here. But I just want you to know, I made it plain to him from the very beginning with an old American saying: Trust everyone, but cut the cards. NEW YORK TIMES, 1988.

Would you buy a used car from this man? ♦

Attributed to comedian Mort S.hl

{"Y /) lould you buy a used car from this man?"—in other words, do Ia/ you trust this man?—is attributed to comedian Mort Sahl, who often joked about the proverbial dishonesty of used-car salesmen. It gained popularity during the 1970s Watergate scandal when it was applied to Richard Nixon. Today it is applicable to anyone whose honesty is in doubt.

Take my word for it ♦

Early twentieth-century Americanism

Take my word for it" suggests that the speaker is unimpeachably honest—or hopes you believe he is. It was already in common usage early in this century. "Take it from me," a variation, implies that the

Would you buy a used car fr

th

rom this man

speaker is honest and tells the truth. It's been popular in England and American since about 1910.

To make your children capable of honesty is the beginning of education ♦

John Ruskin (1819-1900), British social reformer

yTs a religious virtue and a social value, honesty has been cher-K^S' JL ished by all cultures since antiquity. The reason is simple: honesty underlies all ethical behavior and is essential in developing good character. To be honest is to be real and authentic, at all times, to others as well as to oneself.

When a parent is consistently honest with a child, the child knows what behaviors he or she can expect from the parent. When a national leader is unfailingly faithful to the facts, a citizen knows how that leader will act in many different situations. Honesty in a person we know pro-

Honesty underlies all ethical behavior.

Words to Live By

vides us with a sense of comfort, security, and total trust.

John Ruskin, British social reformer, art critic, and writer, argued that honesty was the first and foremost trait a young child must learn; no child could acquire any other virtues without having the foundation of truthfulness. We ascribe a long series of extraordinary virtues and values to a person who has a reputation for consistent honesty: we say that person is fair, trustworthy, just, candid, forthright, sportsmanlike, plain-dealing, heartfelt, straightforward, moral, conscientious, honorable, noble, principled, sincere, unpretentious. This cornucopia of goodness, said Ruskin, pours forth automatically from the practice, begun early in childhood, of consistent honesty.

All people, young and old, wish to be dealt with honestly. Then, and only then, can we know exactly where we stand with others.

Four truths:

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. MARK TWAIN.

What comes from the heart, goes to the heart. SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE, POET.

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven. BILL COSBY, ACTOR AND AUTHOR.

A man is not honest just because he has had no chance to steal. JEWISH PROVERB.

Pinocchio —Metaphor for Dishonesty ♦

Carlo (Lorenzini) Collodi; Italy, 1881

rhe story of Pinocchio, a wooden puppet who longs to become a real boy, has become a classic children's tale of dishonesty. Each time Pinocchio lies, his nose grows longer. As with any great fable, the Pinocchio story plants in the child's mind an indelible image: his or her own nose growing bigger.

Would you buy a used car from this man?

Pinocchio has been called the best puppet story ever written. It began to appear as a serial in July 1881 in the Rome children's newspaper Giornale per i bambini. Italian children immediately loved the unhappy trials of a puppet who is lazy, selfish, and continually getting into trouble. Children related to the character.

The popularity of the series soon caused its author, Carlo (Lorenzini) Collodi, to retitle his tale from The Story of a Puppet to the more exciting The Adventures of Pinocchio. By 1883 the series had been bound into a book, which has since been translated into over eighty languages, made into films and television shows, and has been the subject of doctoral dissertations in children's literature.

Many a parent has read Pinocchio to a child as a bedtime story, but few adults probably know much about the author and the facts behind his creation.

Italian author Carlo Lorenzini (1826-1890) was a journalist by trade. He took the pen-name Collodi from the name of the village, 36 miles northwest of Florence, where his mother was born, and where he spent much of his youth. Today Collodi is famous for its permanent exhibition of art and text from the Pinocchio series.

What does the name "Pinocchio" mean?

"Pinochi" is an Italian fudge made with raw brown sugar, butter, heavy cream, an assortment of nuts, and often candied fruits. The dessert was a Florentine specialty and several scholars suspect that pinochi fudge was a favorite of Carlo Collodi, the sweet inspiration for the puppet's name.

Collodi wrote Pinocchio at the age of fifty-four, never suspecting that it would gain worldwide popularity as a fable about honesty and hard work. By the end of the story, Pinocchio has learned to be generous, honest, and hardworking; and, as a reward, a fairy grants his wish and turns him into a real boy:

"And where are the pieces of gold?" asked the Fairy.

"I lost them!" said Pinocchio with a perfectly straight face. But this was a lie, because he had the money in his pocket, and immediately his nose grew two inches longer.

"And where did you lose them?" asked the Fairy.

Words to Live By

"In the woods."

With this second lie, Pinocchio's nose grew even longer.

"We'll look for them there, " said the Fairy, "because anything lost in the woods is always found. "

"Ah! now I remember, " the puppet stammered, "I didn't loose them. By accident I swallowed them while I was taking medicine. "

With this third lie, his nose grew so long that poor Pinocchio couldn't turn in any direction. If he turned this way, his nose would hit the wall. If he turned that way, it would bang against the walls and the bedroom door.

The Fairy laughed.

"What are you laughing at?" demanded the puppet, who by now was concerned about the size of his nose.

"I'm laughing at the lie you told me. "

"How could you know if I lied?"

"My dear boy," said the Fairy, "there are lies that- make short legs, and lies that make long noses. "

Pinocchio wanted to run out of the room and hide in shame, but his nose was so big he couldn't pass through the door.

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies ♦

Oliver Goldsmith; She Stoops to Conquer, 1773

/fs\<L me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies" suggests that if you Vw*/-*- don't want to be lied to, then don't question what you've already been told. It has been traced back to She Stoops to Conquer (1773), by English essayist and dramatist Oliver Goldsmith. His exact wording was: "Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs." The play, by virtue of its broadly farcical horseplay and vivid, humorous characterizations, has outlived most other English comedies from the early eighteenth to the late nineteenth century, and its one line has become a popular maxim in England and America.

One lie leads to another ♦

Would you buy a used car from this man?

Judas betraying Jesus with a kiss.

Floures for Latine Speaking, c. 1533

One lie leads to another" suggests that once we've lied and gotten away with it, subsequent lies get easier and easier to tell—and may be required to conceal the original lie. The proverb has been traced back to Floures for Latine Speaking (1533), Nicholas Udall's compilation of quotes from Terence.

Figures don't lie ♦

Colonial Currency, 1739

(~1 igures don't lie" suggests that numbers always tell the truth. One

JL may "spin" the facts, but if the information is quantifiable, anyone

may examine it and learn the truth. In English, it has been traced back to

Words to Live By

Colonial Currency (1739). While the maxim states that mathematics can't lie, many writers have pointed out that the people who do the mathematics often do lie. Scottish-born writer Thomas Carlyle declared in essay Chartism (1839): "You may prove anything by figures"—you can find data to support almost any thesis. And Charles H. Grosvenor, a nineteenth-century congressman from Ohio, offered his own proverb: "Figures won't lie, but liars will figure"—a dishonest person will find a way to get what he or she wants.

The truth shall make you free ♦

New Testament, John 8:32

sT minister announced to his congregation that the following V_/J[ Sunday's sermon would be about honesty, and in preparation everyone should read the wisdom of Solomon found in Proverbs 32.

The next Sunday, before beginning his sermon, the minister asked how many had read the assigned scripture. Scores of hands shot into the air.

"As I thought," sighed the minister. "There is no thirty-second chapter in the book of Proverbs. This sermon is long overdue."

Honesty involves not only truthfulness in words and deeds, but also in one's most private thoughts. "Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise," counseled Sigmund Freud, who stated that honesty establishes a harmony between our beliefs and our actions—between heart and soul. This simple harmony brings forth emotions like serenity, composure, and self-assurance. Honesty is the cheapest, most effective form of therapy a person can self-prescribe. We recognize this when we use the biblical maxim "the truth shall make you free" in a secular way.

Jesus Christ spoke the words in a sacred context:

Jesus said to those Jews who believed in him, "If you follow my word, then your are my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free' 'JOHN 8:31-32.

Robert Penn Warren used the saying to powerful effect in his novel All the Kings Men (1946):

Would you buy a used car from this man?

I had found the truth, I had dug the truth up out of the ash pile, the garbage heap, the kitchen midden, the bone yard, and had sent that little piece of truth to Adam Stanton. I couldn't cut the truth to match his ideas. Well, hed have to make his ideas match the truth. That is what all of us historical researchers believe. The truth shall make you fee.

Many famous people from different walks of life have talked about honesty as therapy and as essential to a happy life:

You never fnd yourself until you tell the truth. PEARL BAILEY, SINGER.

The only thing that ever set any man fee, the only thing that ever set any nation fee, is the truth. WOODROW WILSON, 1916.

Its the easiest thing in the world for a man to deceive himself. BENJAMIN Franklin.

If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people. Virginia Woolf, British novelist.

A single lie destroys a whole reputation of integrity. BALTASAR GraCIAN,

Spanish writer, seventeenth-century Jesuit priest,

"O what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" SlR Walter Scott, Novelist

They who know the truth are not equal to those who love it, and they who love it are not equal to those who delight in it. CONFUCIUS, ANALECTS, SIXTH CENTURY B.C.E.

Ethical axioms are found and tested not very differently fom the axioms of science. Truth is what stands the test of experience. ALBERT EINSTEIN, OUT of My Later Years

Words to Live By

American Presidents on Truth

Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to bring it to light. GEORGE Washington, to Charles M. Thurston, August 10, 1794.

There is not a truth existing which I fear, or would wish unknown to the whole world. THOMAS JEFFERSON, TO HENRY LEE, MAY 15, 1826.

Truth is generally the best vindication against slander. ABRAHAM LINCOLN, to Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton, July 14, 1864.

/ have faith in the people . . . The danger is, in their being misled. Let them know the truth and the country is safe. ABRAHAM LINCOLN, C. 1865.

The only thing that ever set any man free, the only thing that every set any nation free, is the truth. A man that is afraid of the truth is afraid of the law of life. A man who does no love the truth is in the way of decay and of failure. Woodrow Wilson, speech in Philadelphia, June 29, 1916.

The truth is found when men are free to pursue it. FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT, ADDRESS IN PHILADELPHIA, FEBRUARY 22, 1936.

H-O-N-E-S-T-Y: From the Latin honest us, suggesting "honor"

A word's origin can tell us a lot about what it has meant to different peoples. In parts of the Old Testament, the English word "honest" is translated from the Greek kalos, meaning "excellent" or "good." Honesty is goodness.

In other parts of Hebrew Scripture, the word "honest" is rendered from semnos, meaning "proper" or "honorable." An honest person is an honorable one, someone who lives a proper life.

In the New Testament, the word "honesty" comes from the Greek for "dignity," a word that for the Greeks was synonymous with "worth" or "merit." An honest person is one worthy of merit or praise.

Would you buy a used car from this man?

Our English word "honesty" derives from the Latin honestus, suggesting "honor," an epithet of great commendation. The word suggests that it is impossible to be an honorable person without being honest in thought, word, and deed.

Two thoughts on honesty and its related virtues:

Don't lie, cheat, or steal. THE CODE OF WEST POINT, AS PROPOUNDED BY

Sylvanus Thayer, superintendent of the U.S. Military Academy (1817-1833).

It is difficult but not impossible to conduct strictly honest business. What is true, is that honesty is incompatible with the amassing of a large fortune. Mohanda ndhi, quoted by Robert Kent in "Money Talks,"

1985.

1. Is it the TRUTH?

2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?

3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?

4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

Rotary International Code of Ethics, written in 1932 by Chicago Rotarian Herbert J. Taylor.

Prophets and Saints on Honesty

The Hebrew prophets—from Moses to Isaiah—were deeply concerned with honesty in thought and deed. They understood that this one virtue was the foundation for all the others. Both Old and New Testaments use many different words for honesty: "fidelity" between spouses and to the word of God, "loyalty" to the Ten Commandments and all sacred vows:

How forceful are honest words! J OB 6:25

You shall not steal, deal falsely, nor lie to one another. LEVITICUS 19:11

An honest weight and balance are the Lords. PROVERBS 16:11

Words to Live By

Christian saints wrestled with honesty under its magnification "scruples." A scrupulous person is characterized by conscientious honesty; he or she pays careful, minute attention to what is proper, right, and honorable. Carried to an extreme, conscientious honesty can become a maddening fault. Many saints, striving for holiness and perfection, had scruples to a fault. They questioned the honesty or Tightness of their quietest thoughts and most trivial deeds. One saint described the dilemma:

All your intellectual and moral faculties tell you that you have not sinned, yet in your conscience the idea arises that you have done wrong. From this comes perplexity and trouble . . . this is a scruple, properly speaking. SAINT IGNATIUS OF LOYOLA, MYSTIC WHO FOUNDED THE

Jesuit Order, d. 1556

No honest person can be without scruples, for genuine honesty is not an easy state to achieve. Having doubts or qualms about certain things is natural. Should you be a whistle-blower at your company? Should a child "rat" on a friend and possibly damage his or her popularity? Who in a family will tell a wife of her husband's infidelities? How honest is a "white lie?"

Qualms, scruples, or pangs of conscience drove many saints to daily confession. Saint Ignatius discussed a friends problem:

After confessing, his scruples returned, each time becoming more minute, so that he became quite upset, and although he knew that these scruples were doing him much harm and that it would be good to be rid of them, he could not shake them off.

Scruple = "A Small, Sharp Stone"

The word "scruple" is from the Latin scrupulus, meaning "pebble." In ancient Rome, one scruple was a measure of weight equal to one-twenty-fourth of an ounce—a trifle. Thus, "scruple" came to mean a bit of painful doubt, a moment's pointed hesitancy in arriving at the right, proper, ethical decision—a qualm.

Would you buy a used car from this man?

qualm = Middle English qualme, "disaster"; German qual, "pain"; Swedish kvalm, "nausea. " A qualm can give one a queasy, squeamish, nervous stomach.

If we have misgivings about undertaking an action that we sense is less than honorable, not fully in harmony with the virtues of honesty, fidelity, and loyalty, we hesitate. We weigh our options. When Islam's Holy Koran exhorts Muslims to be honest, it uses these words: "Weigh therefore with fairness and scant not the balance." Koran, 55:8.

The Blessed—and very scrupulous—Heinrich Suso (d. 1366), a Dominican monk, mystic, and son of a German nobleman, dubbed himself "Servant of Eternal Wisdom." A stickler for honesty, Suso praised people who, in placing honesty under a magnifying glass in an attempt to be relentlessly righteous, inflicted moral torture upon themselves:

We may conclude that persons who suffer from scruples are the most favored by Divine Love, and the most certain of reaching Heaven . . . Scrupulous souls die continually, they suffer a perpetual purgatory, and so they leave the earth to fly to Heaven purified and free from sins to expiate.

Today we would say that the Blessed Suso went too far; no one's time on earth should be "a perpetual purgatory." In holding a magnifying glass to honesty, one can burn a hole in the virtue—as many saints did. When in doubt about making an honest choice, religion suggests that we turn to prayer for assistance.

Another saint offered this advice:

God commands you to pray, but he forbids you to worry. SAINT JOHN VlAN-NEY, PATRON SAINT OF PARISH PRIESTS, D. 1859.

Five Sages on Honesty

We must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy. George Bernard Shaw.

Words to Live By

It is the lying at the top levels of our society that concerns me the most because morality, like water and unlike money, really does trickle down. I am concerned that some at the top have adopted a concept that lying for the higher good is all right — that dishonesty in the name of righteousness if just fine. JlM Lehrer, Christian Science Monitor, 1989.

If I were to select a watchword that I would have every young man write above his door and on his heart, it would be that good word "fidelity. " BENJAMIN Harrison, American president, 1890.

It is easy to be honest enough not to be hanged. To be really honest means to subdue one's preconceptions . . . stating things fairly, not humoring your argument, doing justice to your enemies . . . making concession whether you can afford it or not, refusing unmerited praise, looking painful truths in the face.

Aubrey De Vere, Recollections, 1897.

There is one way to find out if a man is honest — ask him. If he says "yes, "you know he is crooked. GROUCHO MARX, COMIC ACTOR.

Truth is not to be spoken at all times ♦

Pindar, Greek poet; Nemean Odes, c. 485 B.C.E.

There is a difference between being tactfully truthful and rudely blunt. Friends expect honesty from one another, but not frankness that verges on cruelty. "I hate your hair." "You made an ass of yourself at the party." Honesty can be a double-edged sword, with the potential to heal relationships or to separate couples forever. Some things are best left unsaid—or should be said in a very gentle, circuitous way. The wise person instinctively knows this; others learn it from painful experience. All couples reach a point in their relationships (if divorce has not beaten them to it) where they simply don't discuss those issues which experience has taught them have no resolution.

Pindar, the greatest lyric poet of ancient Greece and master of the choral ode, first expressed the sentiment: "Not every truth is better for

Would you buy a used car from this man?

having its face unveiled." Many later writers played with the wording, and one cast it into a rhyme:

All soothes be not for to say It is better some be left by reason Than truth be spoken out of season. Parliament of Birds, c. 1550

French moralist Michel de Montaigne, in his Essays (1580), stated simply: "A man must not always tell the whole truth." The modern wording of the saying first appeared in a pamphlet printed in the American colonies in 1764.

Many people have expressed their own feelings on the subject:

Of all the feats of skill, the most difficult is that of being honest. COMTESSE Diane (Marie de Beausacq), nineteenth-century

Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress. JUDITH MARTIN, COMMON COURTESY, 1985.

Since we're into honesty, let me tell you that your normal voice sounds like Truman Capote on helium. MlNDY, TO MORK, ON THE TELEVISION SITCOM "MORK & MlNDY."

People who specialize in brutal honesty usually get more pleasure and satisfaction out of brutality than honesty.

Truth is truth to the end of time ♦

William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure, c. 1604

This maxim, which suggests that truth never changes, existed in Shakespeare's day, and the playwright seems to have been the first to cast the wisdom into print:

It is not truer he is Angelo

Words to Live By

Than this is all as true as it is strange; Nay, it is ten times true; for truth is truth To the end of reckoning

Act V, Scene I.

Example is the best precept ♦

Aesop; Greece, 6 th century B.C.E.

>

abbi Wayne Dosick, in Golden Rules (1995), tells how a parents dishonesty can influence a child's lifelong behavior:

Bobby, age five, was seated next to his father in the family car when the father drove through a red light.

"Daddy, " said the boy, "my teacher says cars are supposed to stop on red."

"But there was no traffic, son, and there are no police cars around. "

At age twelve, Bobby accompanied his mother to the movies. At the ticket counter his mother said to the clerk, "A child's ticket please. He's eleven."

When Bobby was sixteen he overheard is father on the phone with his accountant. "That's right, Charlie, forget I ever told you about that extra income. It was cash. There's no record of it anywhere. "

Two years later Bobby went off to college. He was only a freshman for a few months before he returned home, having been suspended for cheating on an exam.

Bobby's mother cried, "How could you do that? You know right from wrong."

Bobby's father sighed, "You've embarrassed us, son. "

Some twenty-five centuries earlier, Aesop's short fable "The Two Crabs" made the same point and helped originate the proverb "example is the best precept":

A mother crab and her child were strolling along the beach one day. It was a fine morning, but the mother crab was too busy scolding her off-

Would you buy a used car from this man?

spring to pay any attention to the weather.

"Why in the world, child, do you not walk as the other creatures do — -forward instead of backward?"

"Mother, dear, " replied the little crab, "just set the example, yourself, and I will follow you. "

moral: Children Learn By Watching Adults.

Like father, like son ♦

Attributed to Aesop

Like mother, like daughter ♦

Old Testament, Ezekiel 16:44

^everal lexicographers claim that Aesop's fable "The Two Crabs" ^J (above) is the source of the maxim "like father, like son," even though the tale is about a mother crab.

In general, the saying states that a child is likely to display the same character and behavior as its parents. If dad is honest, his son will be honest. If mom is trustworthy, her daughter will turn out the same. The sentiment is ancient, and in virtually all of its many versions (Aesop's being an exception) father is paired with son, mother with daughter—as if boys weren't influenced by their mothers, or girls by their fathers.

One of the earliest recordings is found in Hebrew Scripture:

Behold, every one that uses proverbs shall use this proverb against thee, saying, As is the mother, so is her daughter. EZEKIEL 16:44.

Aristotle, in Politics (c. 330), wrote: "From good parents comes a good son." Sixteen centuries later, William Langland, in the Middle English allegorical poem Piers Plowman, wrote: "Such as the father is, such is the son; a good tree brings forth good fruit."

Numerous variations came into popular use:

Words to Live By

Aristotle: "From good parents comes a son."

• Like breeds like (c. 1550s)

• It runs in the family (c. 1770s)

• It's in the blood (c. nineteenth century)

• 77?^ apple doesn't fall far from the tree (an old German and Russian proverb).

Children and fools speak the truth ♦

Letters & Papers of the Reign of Henry VIII, 1537

/n Wise Words and Wives' Tales (1993), lexicographers Stuart and Doris Flexner ascribe a l6 th -century origin to this maxim:

The earliest version of this worldly proverb was recorded in, of all places, the state pages of the reign of Henry VIII (1537) and included yet another category of hapless truthtellers — "a child, a fool and a drunken man will ever show their conditions and the truth. "

Would you buy a used car from this man?

Other researchers have traced it back to a late l4 th -century French saying: pour savoir vrai de chose toute, yvre, enffant, sot et femme escoute —"to know the truth about everything, listen to drunkards, children, idiots, and women." The variety of French truth tellers includes one category more than the English.

The nearly modern wording appeared in Firste Fruites (1591) by Giovanni Florio, English lexicographer and later groom of the privy chamber to Queen Anne: "Children and fools tell the truth."

Out of the mouths of babes comes truth ♦

Old Testament, Psalms 8:1-2

Out of the mouths of babes" expresses the simple, plainspoken honesty of young children—very young children, that is, for at an early age most children figure out for themselves the advantages of bending the truth somewhat. The expression is a variation on a biblical phrase, which, depending on the bible one consults, can have different interpretations:

O Lord our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens. Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger. PSALMS 8:1-2.

In this King James Version, God "ordains strength"—issues strong words—against his enemies through children still young enough to nurse. In the Revised Standard Version and in the Jerusalem Bible, the "babes" use their mouths to chant and majesty the glory of God. Do babes spout fighting words of honesty—speak their minds—which is how we use the maxim today, or do they hail hosannas on the Almighty?

Jesus Christ himself preferred the latter interpretation. When Temple priests complained about the noise of young children, Jesus scolded: "Have you not heard, Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise" (Matthew 21:16).

Words t

B Y

^^J^f&ti&j

Hans Christian Andersen. He did not like children. "Whatever will become of you?" asked his mother, and the young Hans answered, "I shall become famous."

The Emperor's New Clothes ♦

Hans Christian Andersen (1805-1875)

^"T'xanish writer Hans Christian Andersen, a master of the fairy tale, JL^made "out of the mouths of babes" the theme of "The Emperor's New Clothes." While most of Andersen's serious novels and plays are virtually unknown outside of Denmark, his fairy tales—particularly "The Emperor's New Clothes"—are, according to the Encyclopaedia Britannica, "among the most frequently translated works in all literary history."

Contrary to popular legend, Andersen, a lifelong bachelor, was not a kindly, soft-spoken gentleman who adored children and wrote exclusively for them. From surviving diaries and thousands of letters, he emerges as a vain, sensitive, high-strung, quick-witted, and sharp-tongued man, with remarkable powers of observation, who tolerated children. While all of his

Would you buy a used car from this man?

fairy tales display subtle humor and sharp satire, his "honesty" fable, "The Emperor's New Clothes," retains its topicality today:

One day two swindlers came to a great town. They told everyone they were weavers and said they knew how to weave the most beautiful cloth. Not only were the colors and patterns gorgeous, but the clothes made from this cloth had the quality of becoming invisible to every person unfit for the office he held, or who was impossibly stupid.

"Those must be splendid clothes," said the Emperor. "By wearing them I should be able to discover who in my kingdom are fit for their posts. I will be able to distinguish the wise from the foolish. "

The Emperor paid the two swindlers cash in advance so they could begin work at once.

Soon, the Emperor grew anxious to know how the work was proceeding. But he felt embarrassed to call on the weavers. Instead, he decided send one of his faithful ministers. "He will be able to see how the cloth looks, for he is a clever man and fulfills his duties well. "

So the old minister went to the swindlers and watched them working their empty looms. Good heavens, he thought to himself, is it possible that I am a fool? Am I not fit for my office. I see no cloth.

The swindlers asked the minister what he thought of the cloth they were pretending to weave. "Oh, its quite beautiful, " said the minister. Such beautiful colors. I will tell the Emperor how well the cloth is coming along."

The Emperor was pleased to hear the good news. But soon he grew anxious again. "I know, I'll send another minister to see how the work is proceeding."

The next minister visited the swindlers working at their empty looms. I know I'm not a fool, he thought, but perhaps I'm not fit for my post. But I must not let it appear so. So he praised the cloth on his return to the Emperor.

Now the Emperor thought he would like to see the weavers at work at their looms. So he, accompanied by a number of courtiers, went to visit the two swindlers.

What, thought the Emperor, I see nothing at all. Am I a fool? Am I

Words to Live By

now fit to be Emperor?

"Oh," said the Emperor to the swindlers, "what beautiful work. I cannot wait to wear the clothes made from such cloth." The courtiers accompanying the Emperor applauded his remarks, all calling the clothes "Magnificent! Gorgeous! Excellent!"

In a matter of weeks, the swindlers decided they were ready to bring the Emperor his new clothes. "See, these are the trousers. This is the coat. Here is the robe. "

"Yes, I see," said the Emperor.

"Will Your Majesty be pleased to take of you clothes?" said the swindlers. "Then we may put the new ones on you. "

The Emperor took off his clothes, and the weavers pretended to give him one article of dress after another. The emperors courtiers called for the Emperor to walk through the town so all of his subjects could see the beautiful new clothes the Emperor was wearing.

"Yes, " said the Emperor, "I am quite ready to show my new clothes to my people. Don't they fit well?"

Then the Emperor walked in procession from his palace through the streets of the town. "How beautiful the Emperors clothes are! What a splendid gown!" the townspeople called from the streets and windows. Nobody would let it appear that ^e or she could see nothing, for then they would no be fit for their posts or they would be thought to be fools.

"But he has nothing on, " said a little child.

"Oh, listen to the child, "said his father. And one person whispered to another what the child had said. "He has nothing on! He has nothing on!"

At last all the people cried, "The Emperor has nothing on!"

The Emperor blushed deep red, for he knew it was true. Only a little child had dared to speak the truth and let it appear he was a fool.

Why Tell the Truth?

Immanuel Kant's "categorical imperative"

German philosopher Immanuel Kant (1724-1804) argued that certain rules of behavior should not change with time and should never go out of

Would you buy a used car from this man?

fashion. In his categorical imperative Kant called for every person to think, speak, and act "according to such law that we may desire that it should become universal" . . .

Act in such a way that you always treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never simply as a means, but always at the same time as an end. GROUNDWORK OF THE METAPHYSICS of Morals, 1785.

Before deciding on an action, Kant suggested asking the question: What would happen to society if my action became the standard behavior for all of humankind?

No one should steal, said Kant, because if everyone were a thief, civilized society would crumble. No married person should commit adultery, since if every husband and wife cheated, the institution of marriage would become meaningless. Since dishonesty on a large scale would destroy all trust between people and nations, honesty, said Kant, is the responsible person's only choice. Basic to Kant's moral philosophy is the biblical Golden Rule: "Do to others, what you would have them do to you."

There are of course other reasons for telling the truth, as this real story make clear:

A photographer for a popular weekly magazine came upon the scene of an accident. A car had veered out of control and was up on the grass. With his camera poised, the photographer shoved his way through the spectators that surrounded the victim. Eager for a timely shot of the tragedy, he concealed his camera and shouted, "I'm the victims father! Please, let me through!"

The crowd parted, but not fast enough for the photographer's liking. Feigning desperation he now elbowed the spectators, pleading, "I'm the father!"

The front row of people parted and the photographer finally reached the scene of the accident — only to discover that the victim was a wounded collie puppy.

Words to Live By

Kant's ideas are summed up in this poem:

The Question

If the whole world followed you — Followed to the letter — Would it be a nobler world, All deceit and falsehood hurled From it altogether; Malice, selfishness, and lust, Banished from beneath the crust, Covering human hearts from view — Tell me, if it followed you, Would the world be better?

Believe only half of what you see and nothing of what you hear ♦

Proverbs of Alfred, c. 1300

^T~^he first recording of this maxim, which suggests that everything JL should be questioned, especially rumors, is found in the late 12 th -century Proverbs of Alfred, a book of conventional wisdom expressed in a mixture of rhymed couplets and alliterative lines. It is unlikely that any wisdom expressions actually originated with Saxon king Alfred the Great (849-899), for whom the book is titled. This particular maxim seems to call into question almost everyone's honesty.

Centuries earlier, the Roman statesman Cicero composed a line similar to the maxim in De Divinatione (AA B.C.E.): "One does not have to believe everything one hears."

The adage was commented upon in A Woman's Thoughts About Women (1858), by English novelist Dinah M. Mulock Craik: " 'Believe only half of what you see, and nothing of what you hear' is a cynical saying, and yet less bitter than at first appears."

Aesop's fable "The Sick Lion" had a comparable moral:

The lion king allowed word to circulate through the jungle that he was

Would you buy a used car from this man

The animals debate how to deal with the devious lion. They conclude: Believe only half of what you see, and nothing of what you hear.

on his deathbed and wished all the animals of his kingdom to come to his cave to pay their respects — and hear the bequeaths from his last will and testament. Everyone would get a gift.

The fox, who lived by his wits, was loath to enter the cave first. So he lingered near the entrance while the goat and the sheep and the calf ventured in to receive their bequeaths from the king of beasts.

After a time, the lion appeared at the mouth of the cave looking remarkably fit. Sighed the fox to himself, A miraculous recovery!

The lion saw the fox standing at a distance and called in a feeble bellow, patently fake, "Come in a pay your respects, friend fox. My days are numbered."

"Please pardon me, you majesty, " replied the fox, "but in your delicate condition, you shouldn't have to put up with crowds. So many tracks lead into your cave, and none lead away. Until some of you guests come out, Til stay here in the open air. "

moral: Don't believe all you hear.

Words to Live By

Crime does not pay ♦

This maxim is surprisingly recent, first appearing in the United States in 1927. The saying was popularized in the 1930s and 1940s through the radio crime drama The Shadow. Glamorous detective Lamont Cranston was a wealthy young man-about-town who secretly, and invisibly, masqueraded as the Shadow, a mysterious crime-fighter who championed "the forces of law and order." The show opened with the announcer's eerie voice: "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! Ha-ha-ha!" A half-hour later, with the crime solved, the announcer closed the show with: "The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay. The Shadow knows. Ha-ha-ha!" For a time, the maxim was one of Americas favorites.

Since then the saying has appeared in many variations:

• Crime doesn't play like it used to.

• Who says crime doesn't pay?

• Crime pays—for the criminal.

• Crime, in this county, pays. Go to jail, get three good meals a day, a free college education, and the best medical care. No wonder the prisons are packed. TRENTON TIMES, 1994.

Writers of the past had equivalent proverbs on the ultimate futility of crime:

• A man may thrive on crime, but not for long. CLEOBULUS, ONE of the Seven Wise Men of ancient Greece; c. 550 b.c.e.

• Crime never goes unpunished, since punishment of crime lies in crime itself. SENECA, FIRST-CENTURY ROMAN PHILOSOPHER,

Moral Epistles

• Whenever a man commits a crime, God finds a witness . . . Every secret crime has its reporter. RALPH WALDO EMERSON, ESSAYS (C. 1875).

CHAPTER

The devil made me do it

RESPONSIBILITY

& Self-Respect

definition: Recognition of one's obligations in causing an action or refraining from an action.

word origin: From the Latin respondere, meaning "to answer for."

significance: Responsibility is a prerequisite for making any moral judgment. A person cannot be blamed for an action — or praised for one — unless he or she can first he held accountable for his or her behavior. A sense of responsibility is the basis for self-respect.

related traits: Duty, obligation, integrity, and self-worth.

opposite traits: Irresponsibility, immaturity, unreliability.

Every man is master of his fortune ♦

Appius Claudius Caecus, Roman Statesman; Aphorism, c. 312 B.C.E.

Children were once taught that education involved mastering the three Rs: reading, writing, and 'rithmetic. Today they're being told there is a fourth R, responsibility. A simple anecdote makes the point:

There was a wise man who could answer any question, no matter how difficult.

One day, a young boy and young girl decided to fool the old sage. They planned to catch a sparrow and take it to the man, the bird hidden between the boys palms.

"I'll ask him, " said the boy, " 'Is what I have in my hands dead or alive?' If he says 'dead,' " laughed the boy, "we'll let the bird loose to fly away."

"Yes, yes, "yelled the girl, "and if he says alive,' crush it to show him how wrong he was. "

They caught the sparrow, and located the old sage in the woods.

The girl chuckled as the boy demanded, "Is what I have in my hands dead or alive?"

The old man smiled at the two children, then said, "It's in your hands."

At the moral of this tale is the maxim "every man is master of his fortune." Each person must take responsibility for his or her own life. And a large part of that responsibility is to make life worth living.

With slightly different wording, the wisdom first appeared in Aphorism (c. 312 B.C.E.), by Appius Claudius Caecus, Rome's "first notable lawyer," a member of the patrician class who organized the city landless citizens into regional political units and, to the horror of the upper class, allowed the sons of freed slaves into the Senate (a kindness later undone).

Appius wrote that "every man is the architect of his own fortune," and he worked hard to give ordinary folk a greater voice in government. Two major building projects that he undertook were named after him: the

The devil made me do it

Aqua Appia, Rome's first aqueduct, which brought water from the Sabine Hills; and the Via Appia, the great military and commercial road between Rome and Capua. So intent was Appia on encouraging common people to take responsibility for their own lives that he publicly posted around Rome a list of court days on which people with grievances, and little financial means, could more readily have access to legal action. In old age, he suffered blindness, hence his historic surname Caecus, "the blind."

The maxim, which states that every person is responsible for his own destiny, has been used and altered over the centuries by many famous writers. In his journal, Henry David Thoreau wrote: "Every man is the artificer of his own happiness" (1838).

Psychologist William James simplified the saying to "life is what you make it" (1897).

You can't have your cake and eat it too ♦

John Heywood; All the Proverbs in the English Tongue, 1546

{""Tjesponsibility involves making choices and living with the outcomes. jf \One of the most popular maxims that expresses this truth is "You can't have your cake and eat it too." Once you've chosen A over B, don't be a crybaby because B is no longer an option open to you. It's been argued that the cliche could be more accurately worded: "You can't eat your cake and have it too." In fact, it was worded that way for some time, then the clauses became transposed.

In its earliest form, the saying appeared in John Heywood's A Dialogue Conteining the Number in Effect of All the Proverbes in the English Tongue (1546). A playwright whose short dramatic sketches helped English drama evolve into the fully developed stage comedy of the Elizabethans, Heywood phrased the maxim as a question: "Would you both eat your cake, and have your cake?" Writing in witty verse, Heywood liked to use the vernacular of his day, and he replaced the heavy-handed morality play of the day with comedy about real people in everyday real-life dilemmas. When Elizabeth I became queen in 1558, Heywood, a staunch Roman Catholic, transferred his property to his son-in-law, John Donne (father

Words to Live By

of the poet), and fled to Belgium, where he died.

The expression quickly became popular and underwent several variations. Robert Heath, in Clarastella: Together With Poems Occasional (1650), rendered it as: "I can't both eat my cake and have it too." A version closer to the modern (though not yet transposed) appeared in John Ray's A Collection of English Proverbs (1670): "You can't eat your cake, and have your cake."

The maxim began to appear in virtually every collection of popular sayings and in many novels, in which it was always spoken by a wise character, often a parent. Dublin-born English satirist Jonathan Swift, author of Gullivers Travels (which he wrote to "vex the world," as he liked to say), wrote in Polite Conversation (1738): "She cannot eat her cake and have her cake."

A close version to the modern appeared in a military document concerning tough decisions involving responsibility for armed troop maneuvers in the War of 1812. A general, transposing the two clauses, wrote: "We can't have our cake and eat it too."

Later that century, English novelist Anthony Trollope also came close to the modern version when he wrote, "You can't eat your cake and have it too." The maxim was later used by Henry James in A Passionate Pilgrim and Other Stories and by James Joyce (1922, in Ulysses).

You can't have it both ways ♦

Moral of an ancient Jewish fable

nother "responsibility" maxim says in effect "make a choice and live with it." Making a choice negates other possibilities. In the United States, the maxim is traced back to the 1920s, but it first appeared centuries earlier, in Hebrew, in a Jewish fable that employed the saying as its moral:

A husband and wife lived in peace and harmony for many years. He was ugly and deaf she was a shrew and blind. Being blind, the wife never knew how ugly her husband was, while he, being deaf, was not troubled by her sharp tongue.

The devil made me do it

._ 1 \± : ,

fit... s

-.!••. "«»■ %

y4// ancient sages agreed: Responsibility must be instilled at an early age.

One day a miracle worker visited their town. They went to see him and asked if he could cure their handicaps.

"It will be expensive, " warned the healer.

The couple agreed to pay the price.

By a laying-on-of-hands the healer was remarkably successful. The ugly husband could hear for the first time in his life — and the first sounds he heard were his wife's shrill howl, "God, you're ugly!" for now she could see.

When the healer presented the cured couple with the bill, they refused to pay.

Words to Live By

"You've destroyed our marriage, " charged the ugly husband.

"Yes, " shouted the shrewish wife, "you took away our peace and harmony "

The healer could not get the couple to pay up, so he said, "Sir, I could restore your happiness by making you deaf again, and you, madam, I could easily restore you to your former state of blindness. Then you could live in bliss again. The choice is yours. "

"No, no, " the couple shouted in unison, for the husband liked hearing, and the wife liked seeing.

"We want to be free of our handicaps and live in bliss," explained the husband.

The healer frowned at the couple. "There is no cure for insanity, "he said. "You can't have it both ways," and left town that night.

God helps those who help themselves ♦

Aesop; 6 th Century B.C.E. Aeschylus; The Persians, 472 B.C.E.

("""?od helps those who help themselves, advice for lazy, irresponsible J? people, essentially says: be a doer in the game of life, an active player, not a passive victim. Assume responsibility. The wisdom is ancient, and appeared as the moral in Aesop's "Hercules and the Wagoner":

A lazy farmhand was carelessly driving his wagon along a muddy road, when the wheels became stuck so firmly in the clay that the horses could no longer pull the load.

The wagoner got down, and without making the least effort toward extricating the cart from the mire, began to pray to Hercules, the god of strength, to come and help him out of his trouble.

Hercules, annoyed by the man's helplessness, called down from above: "Get up off your knees, lazybones, and put your shoulder to the wheel. "

moral: The gods help them that help themselves.

Greek playwright Aeschylus wrote in The Persians (472 B.C.E.): "To the man who himself strives earnestly, God also lends a helping hand."

SO

The devil made me do it

In 1539 Richard Taverner collected the maxims of Dutch humanist and theologian Desiderius Erasmas (c. 1469-1536) in Proverbs or Ada-gies Gathered out of the Chiliades of Erasmus, rendering a similar saying in Latin: Dii facientes adiuuant, "The gods do help the doer."

Many variations have appeared over the centuries. The modern wording was nearly printed in James Howell's Proverbs in English, Italian, French, Spanish and British (1659): "God helps him, who helps himself."

Perhaps the most familiar American version for many decades appeared in Benjamin Franklin's Poor Richard's Almanack (1736): "God helps them that help themselves."

In 1777 Samuel Adams, a planner of the Boston Tea Party and a signer of the Declaration of Independence, penned the wording we use today: "God helps those who help themselves."

The maxim appears in Herman Melville's Israel Potter (1855), George Bernard Shaw's Back to Methusaleh (1922), and Robert Penn Warrens All the Kings Men (1946).

Simple advice:

The only way to get rid of responsibilities is to discharge them. English Proverb.

Seven Politicians on Responsibility

You cant escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today. Abraham Lincoln; attributed.

Our privileges can be no greater than our obligations. The protection of our rights can endure no longer than the performance of our responsibilities. JOHN F. Kennedy, speech, May 18, 1963.

Responsibility is the price of greatness. WINSTON CHURCHILL.

Responsibility is proportional to opportunity. WOODROW WILSON.

/ believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an oblig-

Words to Live By

ation; every possession, a duty. NELSON A. ROCKEFELLER, Jr., VICE PRESIDENT.

To let oneself be bound by a duty from the moment you see it approaching is part of the integrity that alone justifies responsibility. Dag HammarskjOLD, Swedish statesman, United Nations Secretary-General.

Responsibility is a tremendous engine in a free government. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1791.

Late in his life, Winston Churchill was invited to give the commencement address at Oxford University. The talk was eagerly anticipated, since Churchill was a renowned orator. As the former prime minister walked to the podium, many dignitaries on stage realized that he was not carrying a prepared speech. Churchill waited patiently for the tumultuous ovation to subside. He cleared his throat and barked in his raspy voice, "Never, never, never give up!" Then he took his seat.

The devil made me do it ♦

Old Testament, Genesis 3:13

irresponsibility is the basis for morality, an idea made clear in the early X\ pages of the Old Testament. God gives Adam and Eve the gift of free will and the knowledge to tell right from wrong, then orders them not to eat from the "tree of knowledge." When they disobey, God asks Adam why, and the first man lays the blame on his partner: "The woman you placed at my side gave me fruit from the tree and I ate it."

Then the Lord said to the woman, "Why have you done this? The woman said, "The serpent deceived me and I ate. " GENESIS 3:13.

Every since, people have been shirking responsibility with the excuse, if not the exact words, "The devil made me do it." Interestingly, both First Parents refused to take responsibility for their actions, and, perhaps for this sin more than the one of disobedience, God evicted them from Eden

The devil made me do it

and condemned them to be human, with all the suffering and uncertainty that entails. What might God have done if Adam and Eve had assumed responsibility and begged for forgiveness?

Satirist Ambrose Bierce gave a witty spin to the Genesis moral:

Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or ones neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star. THE Devil's DICTIONARY, 1906.

Other "devil" proverbs:

• Speak the truth and shame the devil.

• He should have a long spoon who dines with the devil.

• The devil finds work for idle hands.

• The devil looks after his own.

• The devil can quote scripture for his own purpose.

• Give the devil his due.

• The devil to pay.

Don't blame foolish actions on foolish advisers ♦

Aesop; 6th century, B.C.E.

£"""T)ible stories often teach multiple morals. One moral of the "Tempta-JD tion and Fall" story in Genesis is that any person in possession of free will and knowledge of right and wrong cannot blame others for his or her actions. Aesop, in "The Young Man and the Swallow," gave the moral a slightly different twist:

A foolish man received his inheritance from his father, and quickly lost it through gambling and wild living.

The day he was down to just the clothes on his back he was walking along a road. It was wintertime, but the sun was shining and the weather was unseasonably warm. A foolish sparrow, pretending it was spring, chirped and darted through the sky.

S3

Words to Live By

"Ah, springs here, " sighed the foolish man, watching the bird while he removed his coat and shirt. "I wont be needing these. " So he pawned them, gambled with the proceeds, and lost.

At dusk the sun went down. A wind blew in. The temperature dropped to freezing that night. It snowed.

The shivering man with chattering teeth came upon the frozen body of the sparrow in the snow. "All your fault, "he shouted at the dead bird. "You got me into this mess. "

moral: Don't Blame Foolish Actions on Foolish Advisers.

Everybody's doing it ♦

Irving Berlin, "Everybody's Doing It Now, " 1911

This excuse, used to justify misconduct like lying and cheating, assures one that it's okay to shirk responsibility as long as everyone else does. In one Doonesbury comic strip (1993), cartoonist Garry Trudeau pictured convicted Wall Street junk bond trader Michael Milken lecturing to a group of young people: "Greed Works! Crime Pays! Everybody Does It!"

The saying can be traced back to Irving Berlin's hit song "Everybody's Doing It Now" (1911). The title referred to the turkey trot, one of the liveliest dances of the era, performed to a quick ragtime beat. By the 1970s the phrase was commonplace among adults as an excuse for misconduct. It seems that children picked it up from their parents. In 1992, Time was able to publish a cover story (October 6) titled "Lying—Everybody's Doin' It (Honest)."

Responsibility is a form of maturity, a trait every grown-up must possess to merit the title "adult"—the word comes from the Latin adolescere, meaning "to come to maturity," to be accountable for one's actions. The Latin is also the origin of our word "adolescent." Linguistically, an adolescent is already of the age of responsibility.

"Responsible persons conscientiously and consciously commit themselves to a task or style of life," writes one ethicist, "and they readily accept accountability for its success or failure. They enter into the task, aware of its potentials and its risks, willing to be blamed if it is performed faultily, and

The devil made me do it

rightfully claiming credit for its probity." Two truths:

Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him. BOOKER T. WASHINGTON, EDUCATOR AND WRITER.

People think responsibility is hard to bear. Its not. I think that sometimes it is the absence of responsibility that is harder to bear. You have a great feeling of impotence. HENRY KISSINGER, SECRETARY OF STATE.

It comes with the territory ♦

Arthur Miller; Death of a Salesman, 1949

yT responsible person is one who recognizes and accepts that V^^/^Jl every job comes with its own hardships. "You must take the good with the bad," we say. The maxim "it comes with the territory" was coined by playwright Arthur Miller in Death of a Salesman. In the play's "Requiem," Charley says to Biff, "A salesman is got to dream, boy. It comes with the territory." By the mid-1950s the line was being used to express the hardships that one encounters with any profession. In the next decade it appeared in the variation "it goes with the territory."

Responsibility has been called "the basic moral capacity of a human being," a measure of one's capacity to develop a strong ethical character. Only one who takes on responsibilities has a chance of becoming a moral and ethical person. For this reason, business consultants advise employers who are striving to better their companies to increase the responsibilities of their employees:

Employees must be given responsibility; to be backed with investment; and to be provided with motivation. Good people wont stay without them. ROBERT Heller, The Supermanagers, 1984.

Throughout history, those in power have been more willing to allow access to the process, procedures, etiquettes, forms, meetings, and councils than they

Words to Live By

have been to change the structure that would free people to take on the substance of higher responsibility. FREDERICK HERZBERG, THE MANAGERIAL

Choice: To Be Efficient and To Be Human, 1982.

To whom much is given, much is required ♦

New Testament, Luke 12:48

^T^or of those to whom much is given," said President John F. Kennedy Jl in a 1961 speech to the Massachusetts State Legislature, "much is required." The maxim was a favorite of his mother, Rose, who used the quotation repeatedly—too often for the likes of some family members— to instill in her children the obligations that come with family wealth and power. This fact has appeared in numerous newspaper stories about the Kennedys:

"Every one to whom much is given, of him will much be required. " The words of St. Luke have been a motto of Rose Kennedy, the matriarch, and she has been right in grievous ways. Much has been required of the older Kennedys in the way of outward tragedy. As much, perhaps, is being required of the younger Kennedys in inward tragedy, like that of David Kennedy, the third son of Robert and Ethel Kennedy. His episodic life ended yesterday in a Florida hotel room at the age of 28. New York Times, 1984.

The 29 younger Kennedys eventually discovered that their grandfather was a very rich man. What they also learned, however, was that they had a social debt. Rose would quote St. Luke to them: "To whom much has been given, much will be required. " New York Daily News, 1984.

The full biblical quotation is:

For whosoever much is given, of him shall be much more required; and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more. LUKE 12:48.

The devil made me do it

Responsibility comes in many forms: It can be social, as in the Kennedy quotation. It can be moral; for instance, Christians must follow the Ten Commandments. It can be ecclesiastical; Roman Catholics are accountable to the Vatican. It can be legal; American citizens must follow the laws of the United States. It can be parental; parents are answerable— to community, country, and God—for the upbringing of their children. And responsibility can be corporate; corporate accountability is the basis of the costly multimillion liability lawsuits that companies dread.

As a wit observed:

Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. AMBROSE BlERCE, THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY,

1906.

The buck stops here ♦

From the poker game expression "pass the buck, " Pre-1920s

/t is said that Harry S. Truman, the thirty-third president (1945— 1953), kept a sign on his White House desk that read "The buck stops here." The maxim is the speaker's announcement of his responsibility for the situation at hand. Truman may have popularized the saying, but the expression is decades older and evolved from the colloquialism "pass the buck"—that is, to evade blame or responsibility by trying to pass the "buck" to someone else.

What, though, is a buck? And how did it come to be associated with responsibility?

Contrary to popular opinion, the word does not refer to a dollar bill. "Buck" as a colloquialism for "a dollar" dates to the 1850s; while "buck" meaning a male deer, antelope, goat, or rabbit is considerably older, from the Old English bucca, meaning a male goat.

About twenty years before Truman placed the sign on his desk, the notion that "buck" meant "blame" appeared in The Man in the White Slicker (1929), where a character says: "Anyway, the buck never travels up but always down. You can't pass any responsibility off onto me."

Linguists believe that "buck" meaning "obligation" arose from poker.

Words to Live By

From the game of poker arose the expression "pass the buck, " which evolved into "the buck stops here. "

In the game, players bet on the value of their hands (of five cards), with the bets forming a pool won by the player who has not dropped out of the betting and who holds the highest hand. A "buck" was the name for a counter placed before a player to remind him that the next turn to deal was his, or remind him of his obligation after he had won a jackpot to order a new jackpot on his next turn to deal.

How did a poker counter get to be called a "buck?" Linguists suspect that "buck" is an abbreviation for "buckhorn," a knife with a handle sculpted from a buck's horn that was used for centuries as a counter: a man used the blade of his buckhorn knife to notch in a piece of wood, an ancient method keeping tally.

The ancient Romans had an equivalent expression: Respondeat superior,

The devil made me do it

literally "let the boss answer," more freely "a supervisor must take responsibility for the quality of a subordinate's work." Many Latin phrase books now translate respondeat superior as "the buck stops here."

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen ♦

General Harry H. Vaughan, 1940s.

rhe maxim suggests that if a job is too much for you to handle, rather than complain or shirk your responsibilities, you should relinquish your position as fast as possible and let someone else take it on. The saying is usually attributed to President Harry S. Truman, but he stated that it was coined by his friend General Harry H. Vaughan.

It has become particularly popular among politicians—especially with President George Bush, who invented variations on the saying:

As regarding Mr. [Ross] Perot, I take back something I said about him. I once

Under Harry S.

Truman, warfare

changed from tanks

to nuclear bombs.

Words to Live By

said in a frivolous moment when he got out of the race, if you can't stand the heat buy an air-conditioning company A DIG AT Perot's WEALTH AND CAMPAIGN SPENDING, 1992.

GOVERNOR BILL CLINTON: [Claiming there was only one thing voters needed to know about him] I'm not Bush.

PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH: Neither am I. I'm Harry Truman. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. 1992 debates.

I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep ♦

Robert Frost; "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, " 1923

/n a simple yet profound four-stanza poem, Robert Frost created an expression that entered the vernacular as a maxim to express responsibility. On the surface, the speaker has stopped to admire a picturesque scene and would like to remain at the tranquil setting, but duty calls and he must get on with his life's before he dies. The poem's final stanza:

The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

Frost symbolically turns the small conflict in the poem into a larger conflict. One part of the sensitive, thinking speaker would like to give up his life to the enjoyment of beauty and art. But another part of him is aware of larger duties and responsibilities owed, at least in part, to other human beings. The speaker would like to satisfy both impulses, but when they come into conflict, he suggests that "promises" (responsibilities) must be given precedence.

The Promise Keepers, a nationwide movement of men pledged to accept responsibilities as husband and fathers, lists seven promises they are bound to keep. Each man is to:

The devil made me do it

1. Honor Jesus Christ through worship, prayer and obedience to God's word.

2. Pursue vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises.

3. Practice spiritual, moral, ethical and sexual purity.

4. Build strong marriages and families though love, protection and biblical values.

5. Support his church by honoring and praying for his pastor and giving his time and resources.

6. Reach beyond any racial and denominational barrier.

7. Influence his word, being obedient to the Great Commandment "to love the Lord and one's neighbor" (Mark 12:30-31), and the Great Commission to teach all nations about Christianity (Matthew 28:19-20).

You've made your bed, now lie in it ♦

French Proverb, 1590s

fj-'he saying suggests that you have acted irresponsibly, without regard JL for consequences, and are in a bind and now must live with the unpleasant outcome. It's also stated more emphatically as "you've made your bed, now you must lie in it."

Its usage in the United States has been traced back to Cy Whittakers Place (1908), by Joseph Crosby Lincoln, who wrote "You've made your bed, now lay in it."

In the late 16 th century it was a popular French proverb: Comme on faict son lict, on le treuve, "As one makes one's bed, so one finds it."

In the next century it appeared in a collection of proverbs by English religious poet George Herbert, notable for the purity and effectiveness of his choice of words. At age sixteen, Herbert sent his mother for New Year's two sonnets on the theme that the love of God is a fitter subject for verse than the love of a women, a foreshadowing of his poetic and vocational bent. Shortly after Herbert's time the maxim began appearing in variations, many food-related:

Words to Live By

• As you baked your apple pie, now you must swallow with it.

• As you buttered your bread, now you must eat it.

• As you made your apple-pie bed, so must you lie on it.

A related expression, "Don't cry over spilled milk," has been traced back to Paroimiographia: Proverbs, or, Old Sayed Sawes & Adages (1659) by Anglo-Welsh essayist James Howell.

Shit or get off the pot ♦

Attributed to Vice President Richard Nixon, 1952

/f you can't perform an action after considerable effort, stop trying— someone else is waiting in the wings. The expression is used in a literal sense by many a parent who needs to use a bathroom occupied overly long by a child.

Some lexicographers have attributed the saying to Vice President Richard Nixon, who allegedly used it in a 1952 conversation with President Dwight D. Eisenhower. A 1960s variant was "piss or get off the pot."

A related expression, "The ball is in your court" suggests that it's your turn to make the next move; responsibility lies with you. It arose in the United States in the 1950s.

Other "responsibility" maxims that arose in the United States since 1950 have unclear origins:

• The check is in the mail.

Used to avoid responsibility, especially of a financial kind.

• What goes around, comes around.

The actions you take today can come back to haunt you in the future.

• That's the way the cookie crumbles.

That's life, there's little you can do about it, so learn to live with the situation.

• That's the way the ball bounces. (Same as above.)

• That's the way the mop flops.

The devil made me do it

(Same as above.)

• There's no such thing as a free lunch. You can't get something for nothing.

• There's no such thing as a free ride.

(Same as above.)

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else ♦

Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

^TT)enjamin Franklin, American statesman, inventor, scientist, and JD writer, is credited with this maxim, which implies that a responsible person never makes excuses. If a businessman is late for an important meeting, he apologizes but does not blame it on the traffic. He should have left earlier and given himself extra time. If a mistake appears on a financial statement, the executive presenting the report does not blame the secretary who typed it; the executive should have read it over for accuracy. Here are five true stories about contemporary people shirking responsibility that have almost become urban legends:

• A young man steals a car from a parking lot and is killed while driving it. His family sues the proprietor of the lot for failing to take steps to prevent car theft.

• An elderly woman spills coffee on her lap and sues a fast-food chain for serving the beverage too hot.

• San Francisco Supervisor Dan White murders Mayor Harvey Milk, and his assistant then in court pleads that his addiction to junk food warped his reasoning—the "Twinkies defense."

• Fired for consistently showing up late at work, a former school employee sues his former employer, arguing that he is a victim of "chronic lateness syndrome."

• A man with a sixty-inch waistline sues McDonald's restaurant for violating "federal equal-protection laws" because restaurant seats cannot accommodate his body. A columnist for the Chicago Tribune commented on the case: "He was not born with a 60-inch

Words to Live By

waist and an enormous butt. After a certain age, he created himself and his butt. They are his responsibility. Even the most liberal of liberals would have to agree that his 60-inch waist and awesome butt should not be the responsibility of the United States of America."

The above cases are presented in detail in Charles Sykes's 1992 bestseller, A Nation of Victims. America, says Sykes, has become a society of crybabies, in which far too many people claim, whatever their crime, "someone else made me do it." People are more concerned with justifying their behavior, however egregious it may be, than with finding solutions to their problems. It seems at times, says Sykes, that nobody wants to take responsibility. When Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C., (set up in an FBI sting, it must be said) was videotaped puffing on a pipe filled with crack cocaine in a motel room, he claimed he did not have a crack habit but was a victim of the racism of his white videotapers.

We looked at Aesop's fable "The Young Man and the Swallow," in which the man lost all his money through gambling and then pawned the clothes off his back for one last gambling fling. Charles Sykes relates a real latter-day version:

A husband and wife had combined annual incomes of $350,000. But they spent so heavily that every month they ran out of money Nonetheless, they continued to charge luxuries until their credit cards were no longer valid. The New York Times reported:

"They found themselves penniless, their credit cards at their limit, their account overdrawn. They did not know how they would find the money to eat for the last few days of the month. "

Faced with starvation, "They cashed in their last liquid asset: travel and hotel awards they had earned from airline travel. The couple flew to Hawaii and stayed there in a hotel with a prepaid hotel plan. And so, " the newspaper reported with a straight face,' "they survived another month."

Credit made them do it.

The devil made me do it

He that cannot beat the ass, beats the saddle ♦

Ancient Hebrew Proverb

Consumer debt is at an all-time high. People are addicted to their credit cards. Psychologists estimate that at least 10 percent of Americans suffer from "compulsive spender syndrome." Counselors offer therapy. Sufferers seek a cure. A human misbehavior, excessive spending, has been redefined as a "disease." A host of proverbs can be applied to the situation:

• A bad workman blames his tools.

• A dog bites the stone, not the man who throws it.

• A bad shearer never had a good sickle.

• As you sow, you reap.

• Every tub must stand on its own bottom.

• Every man is son of his own works.

• Dodge responsibilities, and get hit by consequences.

One writer complained about the modern tendency to define irresponsibility as a disease as far back as 1959:

Is there no such thing as moral responsibility and social accountability at all? Is every mean or vicious thing that you or I as ordinary individuals do not sin, but rather an expression of'illness? Who would seriously hold that a society could long endure which consistently subscribed to this flaccid doctrine? ORVAL HOBART MOWRER, PUBLIC ADDRESS.

Jewish law takes a firm stand on responsibility. A person who destroys another's property, even if the damage is done unintentionally, is obliged to pay: "A person is always liable for his actions, whether awake or asleep" (Babylonian Talmud, Bava Kamma, 3b). "The Talmud's insistence that human beings always are liable for the damage they cause," writes Rabbi Joseph Telushkin in Jewish Wisdom (1994), "sharply contrasts with an emerging norm in contemporary American life, in which people often are not held responsible even when they intentionally cause damage."

Words to Live By

Responsibility is the high price of self-respect ♦

Modern Self-help Maxim

>/~ccepting responsibility is what gives human actions their moral V_^/~^ weight and what shapes personal character. Being held answerable, and doing a responsible job at a particular task, underlie one's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. "It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously," said actor Peter Ustinov.

The higher one's station in life, the greater one's responsibility. A pope is more accountable for his actions than a priest, a millionaire more accountable than a pauper, a teacher more accountable than a student. President Theodore Roosevelt put it this way to Britain's King Edward VII (February 12, 1908): "Great responsibility must go hand in hand with great privileges." As moral philosopher Immanuel Kant put it, "I ought, therefore I can."

Two consequences of passing blame onto others: •

If a man cast the blame of his sloth and inefficiency upon others, he will end by sharing the pride of Satan and murmuring against God. FEODOR DOS-toevsky, The Brothers Karamazov.

Blaming others, or outside conditions, for ones own misbehavior may be the child's privilege; if an adult denies responsibility for his own actions, it is a step towards personality disintegration. BRUNO BETTELHEIM, PSYCHIATRIST.

He who excuses himself, accuses himself ♦

Saint Jerome; c. 370 B.C.E.

W

e use many maxims on irresponsible people and their actions: "A bad excuse is worse than none," or "Idle folks lack no excuses." But one of the oldest and most popular is from Saint Jerome, who translated the Bible in Greek into the Latin Vulgate. In Epistles (c. 370), Jerome wrote: "When you seek to excuse yourself, you accuse yourself."

The idea that making an excuse implies shirking responsibility is found in Shakespeare's King John (c. 1596): "Oftentimes excusing of a fault doth

The devil made me do it

A "white lie." By lying to the lion, many animals saved their lives.

make the fault the worse by the excuse." .

English dramatist Ben Jonson, the second most important Jacobean dramatist, drew a-similar equation in A Tale of a Tub (1633): "Squire, these excuses argue more for your guilt."

In dangerous times wise men say nothing ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

Oh

ometimes a situation calls for silence. Aesop's fable "The Lion and is Three Counselors" makes this point into a moral:

The lion king was in an irritable mood. That morning his mate told him his breath was atrocious. He summoned his counselors.

"Friend sheep, "he roared, opening wide his great mouth, "would you say my breath smells unpleasant?"

Believing that the lion wanted an honest answer, the sheep gave it, and the king of beasts bit off her head for the fool she was.

Words to Live By

Then the lion questioned the wolf.

Catching sight of the sheep's carcass, the wolf said, "Why, you majesty, your breath is as sweet as the blossoms on a spring —"

Before he could finish, the lion torn him to pieces for false flattery.

At last the lion questioned the fox. The wily fox coughed, cleared his throat, then in a whisper said, "Truly, your majesty, I have such a head cold I cannot smell at all. "

moral: In dangerous times wise men say nothing.

Two thoughts on assuming responsibility:

You will find men who want to be carried on the shoulders of others, who think that the world owes them a living. They don't seem to see that we must all lift together and pull together. HENRY FORD, AUTO MANUFACTURER.

Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment, and learn again to exercise his will — his personal responsibility in the realm of faith and morals. ALBERT SCHWEITZER, PHYSICIAN.

R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y: From the Latin Respondere, "To Answer For"

We use the words "responsible" and "accountable" interchangeably, but their meanings differ slightly. "Responsible" comes from the Latin respondere, "to answer for" or "to respond." It presupposes that a question has been asked: "Did you do it?" You have the option of telling the truth or lying, of assuming responsibility or shirking it.

"Accountable" comes from the Old French aconter, literally a, "to" + conter, "tell." This word does not presuppose that a question has been asked and that you have the option to give a truthful answer or not. It suggests that you are expected "to tell" the truth, because you have made a prior agreement, with some authority, that you knowingly and willing will be held "accountable" for whatever happens. A politician, for instance, takes an oath of office that automatically makes him accountable for whatever happens on his watch. He may act responsibly or irresponsi-

The devil made me do it

bly, but he cannot escape accountability.

In Judeo-Christian theology, God, as Supreme Creator, dictates laws, like the Ten Commandments. Every person baptized or circumcised pledges accountability for observing those laws. Christians, Jews, and Muslims are accountable before God's judgment. God, unlike one's boss, never asks: "Are you the one responsible for that sin?" Since God is all-knowing, we have no way to shirk responsibility by trying to finesse or finagle our way out of wrongdoing. Thus, in religion, "responsibility" and "accountability" are the same thing.

In doing what we ought we deserve no praise because it is our duty. SAINT Augustine, bishop of Hippo, d. 430 c.e.

If each one sweeps in front of his own door, the whole street is clean. JEWISH PROVERB.

God will hold us responsible as to how well we fulfill our responsibilities to this age and take advantage of our opportunities. BlLLY GRAHAM, PREACHER.

Nothing strengthens the judgment and quickens the conscience like individual responsibility. ELIZABETH CADY STANTON, "SOLITUDE OF SELF," 1892.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today ♦

Hesiod, Greek Poet; Works and Days, c. 800 B.C.E.

The bane of procrastinators everywhere, the saying was first rendered by Hesiod, one of the earliest Greek poets, known as the "father of Greek didactic poetry." Two of his complete epics have survived, the Theogony, which relates the myths of the gods, and Works and Days, which describes peasant life and includes the maxim: "Do not put off work till tomorrow and the day after."

This latter poem is addressed to his brother, Perses, a procrastinator, schemer, and sloth. Perses, by guile and bribery, has already secured for himself an excessive share of their inheritance and is seeking to gain another advantage in a similar manner. Trying to dissuade him from such

Words to Live By

practices, Hesiod uses the poem to extol the virtues of honesty, hard work, and justice. A responsible person, says the poet, does "not put off work till tomorrow," and no one who violates Justice—a deity, the favorite daughter of Zeus—can ever hope to attain happiness in life. Addressing Perses directly, Hesoid begs him to abandon his dishonest, irresponsible life and achieve honor through honesty and hard work: "Before success the immortal gods have placed the sweat of our brows."

Centuries later, Church Father and biblical interpreter Saint John Chrysostom composed his own version of the maxim in Adagia (c. 390 C.E.): "Put not off till tomorrow, for the morrow never comes to completion." The onetime archbishop of Constantinople had such a clear and concise manner of teaching life's little truths that common folk dubbed him the "golden-mouthed."

The first appearance of the maxim in English was in Geoffrey Chaucer's "Tale of Melibee" (c. 1378): "The goodnesse that thou mayst do this day, do it; and abyde nat ne delaye it nat till to-morrow."

The saying was a favorite of George Washington, in both conversation and in his writings (1793, 1796). Historians count the maxim's appearance in five of Thomas Jefferson's letters (1797, 1811, 1812, 1817, 1825), and he included it as the first in his Ten Canons of Conduct:

1. Never put off till to-morrow what you can do to-day.

2. Never trouble another for what you can do yourself.

3. Never spend your money before you have it.

4. Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap.

5. Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst and cold.

6. We never repent of having eaten too little.

7. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.

8. How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened.

9. Take things away by their smooth handle.

10. When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.

Letter to Thomas Jefferson Smith,

The devil made me do it written at Monticello, February 21, 1825.

Am I my brother's keeper? ♦

Old Testament, Genesis 4:9

/n the biblical tale of Cain and Abel, Cain slays his brother, and when the Lord inquires about the whereabouts of the missing sibling, Cain answers with a philosophically loaded question: "Am I my brothers keeper?" In other words, "Is my brother my responsibility?"

In virtually all religious and ethical systems, the answer to Cain's question is a resounding YES.

Everyone is really responsible to all men for all men and for everything. FYO-DOR DOSTOYEVSKI, THE BROTHERS KARAMAZOV.

During the Great Depression, President Herbert Hoover employed the quotation to underscore a point as important then as it is today. Millions of Americans were out of work and millions more were about to join their ranks. The country was to go through one heartrending crisis after another. If one virtue was called for on a national scale, it was not charity (so many had nothing to give) or love (love couldn't fill empty stomachs), but responsibility. Over the radio, the miraculous medium of the era, Hoover addressed the American people:

This civilization and this great complex which we call American life is built, and can alone survive, upon the translation into individual action of that fundamental philosophy announced by the Savior nineteen centuries ago. Part of our national suffering today is from failure to observe these primary yet inexorable laws of human relationships. Modern society cannot survive with the defense of Cain, "Am I my brothers keeper?"

No governmental action, no economic doctrine, no economic plan or project can replace the God-imposed responsibility of the individual man and woman to their neighbors. RADIO ADDRESS, FORTRESS Monroe, Virginia, Oct. 18, 1931.

Words to Live By

You have to learn to walk before you can run ♦

Attributed to George Washington; 1794

The proverb suggests learning basic skills before tackling advanced tasks. It also reminds us that before taking on new responsibilities we should carry out present obligations. The idea, if not the modern wording, is ancient.

The ancient Greeks, following the advice of the playwright Aristophanes in The Knights (423 B.C.E.), were fond of saying: "Learn how to row before taking the rudder."

Centuries later, an English version of the maxim appeared in a medieval manuscript, Douce (c. 1350): "First the child creeps, and after goes."

George Washington is often credited with the modern wording, but he actually adapted the saying, already popular in his time, and applied it to the future of the new American nation. In a letter dated July 20, 1794, Washington wrote: "We must walk as other countries have done before we can run."

Oaths and Pledges of Responsibility

When we take an oath, we promise that we will act responsibly in some designated situation, and that we will accept accountability for the ways in which events turn out.

Every doctor takes the Hippocratic Oath to never knowingly harm a patient. Every new American citizen takes the Pledge of Allegiance (original 1890s version by ordained Baptist minister Francis M. Bellamy) to respect the American flag and all it stands for. Every American president takes a pledge of responsibility:

Presidential Oath of Office

/ do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the

J2

The devil made me do it Constitution of the United States.

The oath is contained in the Constitution of the United States (1787), article II, section I. George Washington first swore it on the balcony of Federal Hall in New York City on April 30, 1789.

, We value responsibility so highly that we require children to take oaths, make pledges, and keep promises from an early age. English Colonel Robert Baden-Powell instituted the Boy Scouts in 1908, and Juliette Gordon Low of Savannah, Georgia, began the Girl Scouts in 1912:

The Boy Scout Oath

On my honor, I will do my best,

To do my duty to God and my country,

and to obey the Scout Law;

To help other people at all times;

To keep myself physically strong,

mentally awake, and morally straight.

The Girl Scout Promise

On my honor, I will try:

To serve God and my country,

To help people at all times,

And to live by the Girl Scout Law.

The Boy Scout Law

A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent.

The Girl Scout Law

/ will do my best:

to be Honest, Fair, Help where I am needed, to be cheerful, friendly and considerate, to be a sister to every Girl Scout,

Words to Live By

to respect authority,

to use resources wisely,

to protect and improve the world around me,

to show respect for myself and others

through my words and actions.

If a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing well ♦

Lord Chesterfield, English Statesman; 1746

CTy esponsibility is at the heart of this popular maxim. A responsible

\person takes every task to completion and does his or her absolute best. About two decades after Christ's crucifixion, Saint Paul, in 1 Corinthians 14:40 provided the foundation for the saying: "Let all things be done decently and in order."

It was the English statesman, diplomat, and wit Philip Dormer Stanhope, fourth earl of Chesterfield, who rendered the modern wording for the first time in a field letter to his son dated October 9, 1746: "Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well."

A great admirer of French manners, culture, and taste, Lord Chesterfield is best remembered as the author of guides on manners, the art of pleasing others, and the best way to handle fame and success. He addressed his advice in the form of letters to his son and godson, though it seems to have fallen on deaf ears: his son was described by contemporaries as "loutish," while his godson was described by a friend as having "as little good breeding as any man I ever met."

Charles Dickens claimed that this maxim was not only his favorite but also the personal motto for his lifework—and Dickens did a lot of high-quality work.

Work and responsibility are inseparable concepts, and both are the foundations of self-esteem.

Four comments on work:

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. JAMES M. Barrie, creator of Peter Pan.

The devil made me do it

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day ROBERT FROST, POET.

The world is filled with willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. ROBERT FROST, POET

They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take the chance. Ronald Reagan, U.S. President

We usually associate work with an activity that produces services or products of value. But work is any purposeful effort undertaken with personal responsibility. "No other technique for the conduct of life attaches the individual so firmly to reality as laying emphasis on work," wrote workaholic Sigmund Freud, "for his work at least gives him a secure place in a portion of reality, in the human community."

Each morning sees some task begun,

Each evening sees it close;

Something attempted, something done,

Has earned a nights repose.

Longfellow, "The Village Blacksmith."

No pain, no gain ♦

Robert Herrick, English Poet; 1648

C~7 f) IeigHtlifters and athletes mumble this maxim throughout their \JCS workouts. It's become a mantra for endurance and reward, suggesting that nothing of value can be achieved without hard work. In its earliest version it had nothing to do with sports in particular, but with the responsibility of working hard at an endeavor to maximize payoff. It may well have begun as a farmer's motto: a gain in crop proportion was proportional to how hard the farmer toiled in the field.

The earliest known version dates from 1577, in John Grange's The Golden Aphroditis: "Who wants the fruit that harvest yields, must take the pain."

Words to Live By

A similar maxim appeared the same year in Nicholas Berton's Works of Young Wit "There are no gains without pains."

A version closer to the modern wording appeared in A Display of Duty (1589), a book about responsibility by Leonard Wright: "No gain without pain."

English cleric and poet Robert Herrick shortened the maxim and made it the title of a poem, "No Pains, No Gains," published in Hesperides (1648), in which he observed: "Man's fortunes are according to his pains." From his poetry, he is best remembered for the line "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may"—in other words, seize the moment, enjoy life to the fullest.

In America, Benjamin Franklin combined the maxim with other sayings in Poor Richards Almanack (1745), in "Father Abraham's Speech, or, The Way to Wealth":

So what signifies wishing and hoping for better Times. We may make these Times better if we bestir ourselves. Industry need not wish, as Poor Richard says, and He that lives upon Hope will die fasting. There are no Gains, without Pains.

The Bible, which views work as both toil and joy, offers its own variations on the theme:

• By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread. GENESIS 3:19.

• You shall rejoice in all that you put your hand unto. DEUTERONOMY 12:7.

• The Lord will recompense your work, and a full reward be given to you. Ruth 2:12.

• Let not your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded. 2 Chronicles 15:7.

• He becomes poor who works with a slack hand; but the hand of the diligent makes him rich. PROVERBS 10:4.

• Every man shall receive his reward according to his own labor. 1 Corinthians 3:8.

• If any would not work, neither should he eat. 2 THESSALONIANS 3:10.

The devil made me do it

Theodore Roosevelt.

American Presidents on Responsibility and Work

The law of worthy work well done is the law of successful American life. Theodore Roosevelt, Presidential Messages, 1902.

Work is not a curse, it is the prerogative of intelligence, the only means to manhood, and the measure of civilization. CALVIN COOLIDGE, 1916.

The workingmen are the basis of all government, for the plain reason that they are the more numerous. ABRAHAM LINCOLN, 1861.

We can repay the debt which we own to our God, to our dead, and to our children only by work — by ceaseless devotion to the responsibilities which lie ahead of us. If I could give you a single watchword for the coming months, that work is — work, work, and more work. HARRY S. TRUMAN, RADIO ADDRESS, 1945.

/ am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of

it. Thomas Jefferson.

Words to Live By

John F. Kennedy and the rocker named after him. It was the first piece of furniture Lyndon Johnson had removed from the White House.

In the long run, the chief difference in men will be found in the amount of work they do. Do not trust to what lazy men call the spur of the occasion. If you wish to wear spurs in the tournament of life, you must buckle them to your own heels before you enter the lists. JAMES A. GARFIELD, 1867.

Labor disgraces no man, but occasionally men disgrace labor. ULYSSES S. Grant.

The door of opportunity swings open in our country. Through it, in constant flow, go those who toil. American recognizes no aristocracy save those who work. The badge of service is the sole requirement for admission to the ranks of our nobility. CALVIN COOLIDGE, ADDRESS TO LABOR LEADERS, 1924.

Anyone who is honestly seeking a job and cant find it, deserves the attention of the United States government, and the people. JOHN F. KENNEDY.

Andrew Johnson, identifying himself with the common man in 1840, recalled his early days as a laborer and the sense of responsibility he felt to his job:

The devil made me do it

I do not forget that I am a mechanic . . . Neither do I forget that Adam was a tailor, sewing fig leaves together for aprons; Cain was an artificer in brass and iron; foseph the husband of Mary was a carpenter, and our Savior probably followed the same trade; the apostle Paul was a tent-maker; Socrates was a sculptor; Archimedes was a mechanic; King Crispin was a shoemaker; and so was Roger Sherman, who helped to form the Constitution.

The Ten Commandments of Success

Charles M. Schwab (1862-1939), industrialist

1. Work Hard. Hard work is the best investment a man can make.

2. Study Hard. Knowledge enables a man to work more intelligently and effectively.

3. Have Initiative. Ruts often deepen into graves.

4. Love Your Work. Then you will find pleasure in mastering it.

5. Be Exact. Slipshod methods bring slipshod results.

6. Have the Spirit of Conquest. Thus you can successfully battle and overcome difficulties.

7. Cultivate Personality. Personality is to the man what perfume is to the flower.

8. Help and Share with Others. The real test of business greatness lies in giving opportunity to others.

9. Be Democratic. Unless you fell right towards your fellowmen you can never be a successful leader of men.

10. In All Things Do Your Best. The man who has done his best has done everything. The man who has done less than his best has done nothing.

Brother,

can you spare

a dime?

CHARITY

& Love of Neighbor

definition: Sharing one's property and person with others in order to alleviate their basic needs.

word origin: From the Latin raritas, meaning "love."

significance: Unless people share what they have and who they are community and personality disintegrate. Charity is a recognition of the interdependence of humans, and ethics is a working out of that recognition.

related virtues: Love, forgiveness, sympathy, and tolerance.

opposite traits: Avarice, greed, selfishness, excessive pride.

80

Charity begins at home ♦

Terence, Roman playwright (c. 195-c. 159 B.C.E.)

The idea that one's own family comes before other responsibilities— to neighbors, states, and country—was first expressed by Terence, one of Rome's greatest comic dramatists. His verse comedies were long regarded as models of perfect Latin and formed the basis of the modern comedy of manners.

Another early version of this world-famous maxim was recorded in the Muslim Sunnah (c. 800 C.E.), the body of Islamic customs and practices based on Mohammed's words and deeds: "A man's first charity should be to his own family, if poor." In other words, take care of your children, grandparents, and blood relatives before ministering to the needs of others. The key phrase in this quotation is "if poor." If a family had money, then charity did not begin at home.

The proverb's earliest recorded version in English dates from 1380, penned by English church reformer John Wycliffe: "Charite schuld big-yne at hem-self." For Wycliffe, who made the first complete translation of the Bible into English from the Latin Vulgate, one should administer to his own worldly and spiritual needs before tackling those of others. At the

Charity begins at home— a misunderstood maxim.

i ' . ' iHi Vw wHi a i fc i i i "" i w > w i i " ii

Words to Live By

time, few social support system existed for the poor, and families had to look after their own poorer members.

In 1509, English poet Alexander Barclay included the saying in The Ship of Folys of the Worlde, and added to it the concept of "perfect love": "For perfyte loue and also charite, / Which first beginneth of him selve for to be charitable."

If charity begins at home, so too does reprimanding one's children—so suggested English playwrights Francis Beaumont and John Fletcher. In their play Wit Without Money (1614), they commented on the difficulties of rearing children, adding a sting to the proverb: "Charity and beating begins at home."

The precise modern wording, "charity begins at home," was penned by English Jacobean playwright, Richard Brome in his best-known comedy A Jovial Crew (acted 1641, published 1652). Before becoming a playwright, Brome was Ben Jonson's servant and personal secretary.

Less than two decades later, the proverb's meaning was spelled out explicitly by Thomas Fuller, British scholar, preacher, and one of the century's most witty and prolific authors, in The Appeal of Injured Innocence (1659): "Charity begins, but doth not end, at home." Fuller felt that most people knowingly misused the proverb in order not to contribute to charitable causes.

Others have expressed similar sentiments:

Our charity begins at home. And mostly ends where it begins. JAMES SMITH, Horace in London.

The cliche "charity begins at home" has done more damage than any other in the English tongue. TREVOR HUDDLESTON, BRITISH CLERGYMAN.

Alexander Pope, writing about the three theological virtues—faith, hope, and charity—stressed the social importance of last:

In faith and hope the world will disagree, But all mankinds concern is charity.

An Essay on Man, 1733.

Brother, can you spare a dime? Several writers have had fun with the proverb:

"Charity begins at home, but justice begins next door. " CHARLES DlCKENS, Martin Chuzzlewit, 1844.

"I prefer charity to hospitality because charity begins at home and hospitality ends there. "OGDEN NASH, I'LL STAY OUT OF YOUR DIET, 1942.

It is better to give than to receive ♦

New Testament, Acts of the Apostles, c. 65 C.E.

rhe earliest version of the proverb appears in the Christian Bible's New Testament, in the Acts of the Apostles, whose traditional author was Luke. He wrote the book of Acts as a history of the new "Christian" movement, attempting to correct many misconceptions about Jesus Christ, his message, and the evangelizing work of the apostles. He also wanted to show Roman officials that they had nothing to fear from the nascent religious movement. Christ's message of love, synonymous with charity, is clearly stated in the proverb:

"It more blessed to give than to receive" (ACTS 20:35).

The first version in English was recorded by medieval English poet John Gower, a contemporary of Geoffrey Chaucer and once considered his equal. In his greatest work, Confessio amantis (c. 1390), a collection of classic and medieval tales of chaste Christian and courtly love, Gower wrote: "Betre is to yive than to take." In the work, a priest in the service of Venus, goddess of love, instructs the humble poet, Amans, on how best to court a woman's love: give much to her, and expect little in return.

The modern wording first appeared about 1590, in Timon V (author unknown): "Plato in his Acrostikes saith it is better to giue than to re-ceaue."

In his Poor Richards Almanack (1735), Benjamin Franklin devised a witty adaptation: "What's given shines, what's receiv'd is rusty."

In Kitty Kelley's unflattering biography Nancy Reagan (1991), she

S3

Words to Live By

quotes a friend of the First Lady as saying "Nancy, I think, is one of those people who finds it more divine to receive than to give."

Brother, can you spare a dime? ♦

Edgar Y. Harburg, Lyricist; 1932

r^T^he saying originated in the early 1930s, during the Great Depres-JL sion, when millions of Americans were turned into beggars asking for money to buy a meal. Lyricist Edgar Y. (Yip) Harburg combined with musician Jay Gorney to write a song that became an overnight hit, and whose title became the theme of the first half of the decade:

Once I built a railroad, made it run,

Made it race against time,

Once I built a railroad, now it's done,

Brother, can you spare a dime?

"Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" 1932

A president of the era stated:

Charity literally translated from the original means love, the love that understands, that does not merely share the wealth of the giver, but in true sympathy and wisdom helps men to help themselves. FRANKLIN D. Roosevelt, Acceptance of Renomination for Presidency, Philadelphia, June 27, 1936.

Seven centuries earlier, a great religious leader expressed the same view:

There are eight rungs in charity. The highest is when you help a man to help himself MOSES MAIMONIDES, RABBI, PHYSICIAN, AND PHILOSOPHER, D. 1204.

Maimonides and Roosevelt emphasized one of charity's most often overlooked aspects: it is not enough to help others; they must be helped to help themselves. That is charity's dual function: alms and uplift, money

Brother, can you spare a dime?

and opportunity. This is what is meant by the definition of charity that opens this chapter: sharing one's property and person with others in order to alleviate their basic needs.

Put your money where your mouth is ♦

America, Early 20 th Century

The dare arose as a gambling and card-playing expression—don't brag about knowing you are right, bet cash on it. During the Depression, though, the saying became a charity-giving dare. Don't talk about helping the unemployed, do something real, helpful, and practical. Act on your words. The expression implies that "talk is cheap" and, to use another cliche, that "actions speak louder than words."

This was the sentiment of Walt Whitman (1819-1892), one of America's premier poets, who related charitable giving with strength of character of the giver:

Charity and personal force are the only investments worth anything. "SONG of Prudence," Leaves of Grass.

Behold, I do not give lectures or a little charity, When I give I give myself. "SONG OF MYSELF."

Writing a check to a favorite charity is easy; the hard part is giving one's time. Civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr., expressed another aspect of giving:

Philanthropy is commendable, but it must not cause the philanthropist to overlook the circumstances of economic injustice which make philanthropy necessary.

Poverty is no crime ♦

George Herbert, Jacula Prudentum, 1640

Words to Live By

Samuel Johnson; "Poverty is the great enemy to human happiness.

£"~T*~'he proverb has been used for centuries to explain that being poor in

7

Jr.. 1

itself is nothing to be ashamed of. A person born into poverty, or who ends up there through dire circumstances, is not blameworthy. This was not always society's attitude.

The maxim was coined by English religious poet George Herbert in Jacula Prudentum ("Javelins of the Wise," 1640; also published under the colloquial title "Outlandish Proverbs") to express the idea already in circulation that poverty was not a vice, as long as a poor person remained moral. Herbert, who as an ordained priest assisted the poor, described his poems as "a picture of the many spiritual conflicts that have passed between God and my soul, before I could subject mine to the will of Jesus, my Master, in whose service I have now found perfect freedom."

English essayist and lexicographer Samuel Johnson wrote that "poverty is no sin" but, in a letter to James Boswell (December 7, 1782), added: "Poverty is a great enemy to human happiness; it certainly destroys liberty, and it makes some virtues impracticable." His great poem London contains the famous line (and the only one in capitals): "SLOW RISES WORTH, BY POVERTY DEPRESSED," which became Johnson's own favorite motto.

Brother, can you spare a dime?

John D. Rockefeller, American industrialist and generous philanthropist, explained that poverty was not a sin; the sin was that any industrialized nation would allow it to exist. Rockefeller also explained the danger of handing the poor money and nothing more: "Charity is injurious unless it helps the recipient to become independent of it."

Some thoughts on giving:

We do not quite forgive a giver. The hand that feeds us is in some danger of being bitten. RALPH WALDO EMERSON.

What is the matter with the poor is Poverty; what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, MAXIMS FOR REVOLUTION, 1903.

Continued dependence upon relief induces a spiritual and moral disintegration fundamentally destructive to the national fiber. To dole out relief in this way is to administer a narcotic, a subtle destroyer of the human spirit.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Message to Congress, January 1935.

Almsgiving tends to perpetuate poverty; aid [help] does away with it once and for all. Eva Peron, in a 1949 speech.

American Presidents on Charity

Every American president has spoken out strongly on the moral obligation to help society's less fortunate. Here is a sampling of their comments.

/ deem it the duty of everyman to devote a certain portion of his income for charitable purposes; and that it is his further duty to see it so applied as to do the most good of which it is capable. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1806.

May we maintain the spiritual impulses in our people for generous giving and generous service — in the spirit that each is his brothers keeper. Personal feeling and personal responsibility of men to their neighbors is the soul of genuine good will; it is the essential foundation of modern society. A cold and distant charity which puts out its sympathy only through the tax collector, yields a

s?

Words to Live By

S=f; $lj£ $fatf %otk Simejs. jg|y§»]'f

1

JtfOB

u uu L

■Hf^rr,, ii^'^mmwAaiir^E^

ROOSEVELT INAUGURATED, ACTS TO END THE NATIONAL BANKING CRISIS.QUICKLY; WILL ASK WAR-TIME POWERS IF NEEDED

Franklin D. Roosevelt and the Great Depression, very meager dole of unloving and perfunctory relief HERBERT HOOVER, TO

Private Charities Organization, Washington, D.C., September 1932.

Better the occasional faults of a Government that lives in a spirit of charity than the consistent omissions of a Government frozen in the ice of its own indifference. Franklin D. Roosevelt, Acceptance of Renomination for Presidency, 1936.

/ rather think there is an immense shortage of Christian charity among so-called Christians. HARRY S. TRUMAN.

To the peoples of half the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass misery we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves. . . not because the Communists are doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it can never save the many who are rich. JOHN F. KENNEDY, INAUGURAL ADDRESS, JANUARY 1961.

Brother, can you spare a dime?

"Give to him that is needy" is the Christian rule of charity; but 'Take from him that is needy is the rule of slavery. ABRAHAM LINCOLN, OCTOBER, 1858.

With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us finish the work we are in. ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

Actions speak louder than words ♦

Colonial Currency, 1736

rhe maxim suggests that a person is judged less by what he says than what he does. It's often used in the context of good deeds, especially compassionate and charitable gestures. Don't talk about the good works you intend to perform—just do them. The modern wording appeared for the first time in the American publication Colonial Currency (1736), in the context of charitable giving.

The saying was reprinted in Benjamin Franklin's Poor Richards Almanack (1755), the advice embellished with Franklin's own bit of wisdom: "Speak little, do much . . . Actions speak louder than words."

Abraham Lincoln was fond of the saying:

"Actions speak louder than words" is the maxim; and, if true, the South now distinctly says to the North, "Give us the measures, you take the men. COLLECTED Works, Volume II, 1856.

There are many ancient versions of the maxim, some with wording that approximates the modern:

• A superior man is ashamed if his words are better than his deeds. Confucius, Analects, c. 500 B.C.E.

• The word is the shadow of the deed. Democritus, Greek philosopher, c. 425 B.C.E.

• Deeds, not words. Ancient Roman proverb: facta non verba.

• Like a beautiful flower, full of color but without scent, are the fair

Words to Live By

but fruitless words of him who does not act accordingly. Dhammapala, Buddhist philosopher, in 5th-century Commentaries.

• Help with deeds, not words. Erasmus, Renaissance Dutch humanist and theologian.

• A word spoken in season is like an apple of silver, and actions are more precious than words. John Pym, British statesman, 1628.

You can't take it with you ♦

Frederick Marry at, naval officer and novelist; 1841

/n neighborhood charity drives, when either cash or canned goods are collected for the needy, those who donate the most—and often have the least—are the elderly. The elderly also write more yearly checks to charities (often for five or ten dollars) and phone in more contributions to drives by television evangelists. Why? It is often said that as we grow older we experience the regret of not having given enough of ourselves to family, friends, and community. Time is running out, and we want to make as many human contacts as possible, to contribute to humanity in whatever ways we can. Charity, too, is a form of love, and we want to experience that highly human emotion as much as we possibly can.

Clive James, the television documentary host, relates this personal experience:

At the Harvest Festival in church, the area behind the pulpit was piled high with tins of fruit for the old-age pensioners. We had collected the tinned fruit from door to door. Most of it came from old-age pensioners who took from the few tins they had on their shelves.

Then, too, as the maxim goes: "you can't take it with you." That wording first appeared in Masterman Ready (1841), a children's book by English naval officer and novelist Frederick Marryat, one of the first novelists to make full and amusing use of his adventures at sea.

With different wording, the maxim goes back at least to the Greek dramatist Aeschylus, who wrote in The Persians {All B.C.E.): "To the dead riches profiteth no jot."

Brother, can you spare a dime?

Countless writers have used one or more versions of the saying. Chaucer, in The Canterbury Tales (c. 1378), wrote: "Whan he is deed, he shal nothing bere with him out of this world."

William Shakespeare, in Measure for Measure (c. 1604), wrote: "like an ass whose back with ingots bows, / thou bear'st thy heavy riches but a journey, / And death unloads thee."

"Money," goes a modern witticism, "if you could take it with you, every hearse would be hooked up to a U-Haul."

It's too little, too late ♦

Allan Nevins, American historian; Current History, 1935

/t's too little, too late" is said of any action that is either inadequate or too late to be effective. Though often used in the context of charity, it arose as a political expression, prescient of World War II, written by American historian Allan Nevins in the May 1935 issue of Current History.

The former allies have blundered in the past by offering Germany too little, and offering even that too late, until finally Nazi Germany had become a menace to all mankind.

It's a drop in the bucket ♦

Old Testament, Isaiah 40:15

/t's a drop in the bucket," also appropriate to inadequate giving, first appeared in the Old Testament:

Behold, the nations are as a drop of a bucket, and are counted as the small dust of the balance. ISAIAH 40:15.

An ancient thought on giving, addressed to physicians:

Sometimes give your services for nothing. HIPPOCRATES, FATHER OF MEDICINE; FORMULATED THE ETHICAL OATH FOR PHYSICIANS; D. C. 370 B.C.E.

Words to Live By

C-h-a-r-i-t-y: From the Latin caritas, "love"

Our English word "charity" comes from both the Old French charite and the Latin caritas, meaning "esteem," "affection," and "love." Older still is the Indo-European root karo, meaning "to like," "to desire." The etymology is packed full of do-good connotations.

In the Latin Vulgate Bible, "charity" is the translation of the Greek agape, "love," "dear," or "valued."

In the New Testament, charity is synonymous with "love of one's neighbor." Following Christ's command to love—Christianity's cornerstone—a charitable Christian should perform the seven Corporal Works of Mercy:

• feed the hungry

• give drink to the thirsty

• clothe the naked

• counsel the imprisoned

• shelter the homeless

• visit the sick

• bury the dead

Two related words:

Dole, meaning "relief," "assistance," derives from the Old English dal, "a share." It is related to the Old English duel, which is the root of our noun "deal." When we strike a "deal" with someone we exchange a "share" of what we've got. The virtue of charity is then life's ultimate deal.

Welfare is from the Middle English wel faren, literally "to fare well." Lexicographers claim the term "welfare state" was first used by British Archbishop William Temple in Citizen and Churchman (1941). The archbishop of Canterbury was a leader in the ecumenical movement and in educational and labor reforms. His theological position has been described as a "Hegelian idealism," affirming links between church and state and thus making it appropriate for Christian pronouncements to be made

Brother, can you spare a dime?

In Christian theology, charity and love of one's neighbor are synonymous.

on social problems and economic policies.

One of the first compulsory national welfare programs, a means of social insurance for society's less fortunate members, was instituted in Austria in 1854.

During the Great Depression of the 1930s, President Franklin D. Roosevelt instituted the New Deal, which incorporated many of the elements

Words to Live By

of the European welfare state, which has come to include the concept of welfare rights, health care, adequate housing and nutrition, a guaranteed minimum wage and annual income, and guaranteed employment for all. Roosevelt's words:

The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little. Second Inaugural Address, January 1937.

Everyman is not born with a silver spoon in his mouth ♦

Miguel de Cervantes; Don Quixote, Part I, 1605; Part II, 1615

/ ~1\ T ot everyone is born to wealth. A silver spoon was a traditional

\ Spanish gift given by rich godparents when a new baby was born.

Miguel de Cervantes, the most celebrated of all Spanish writers, coined the maxim in his epic novel Don Quixote, which has been translated, in whole or in part, into more than sixty languages. Originally published in two parts (1605, 1615), the novel continues regularly to be printed, and critical discussion of the work has proceeded unabated since the eighteenth century. Sancho Panza, Don Quixote's squire—a short, potbellied peasant whose gross appetite, common sense, and vulgar wit serve as a foil to the mad idealism of his master—is famous for spouting memorable proverbs. Cervantes used the psychological differences between the two characters to contrast an idealist world with a harshly real one.

In a criticism of Vice President Dan Quayle, Time magazine's Robert Hughes paraphrased Cervantes' maxim: "But Quayle was born not with a mere silver spoon but with a silver ladle in his mouth" (1992).

Two thoughts on charity:

Did universal charity prevail, earth would be a heaven, and hell a fable. Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon, 1820.

Posthumous charities are the very essence of selfishness when bequeathed by those who, when alive, would part with nothing. CHARLES CALEB COLTON.

Brother, can you spare a dime?

America's Top Ten Philanthropists

The word "philanthropy" is from the Greek philanthropic literally: philein, "to love" -I- anthropos, "man"—to love one's fellow humans.

Actor Paul Newman, a quiet and generous philanthropist, offered his life philosophy on giving:

"I'm not a professional philanthropist, and I'm not running for sainthood. I just happen to think that in life we need to be a little like the farmer who puts back into the soil what he takes out. " LADIES' HOME Journal, July 1988.

In 1997, media baron Ted Turner—whose net worth at the time was $3.5 billion, making him the twenty-eighth richest person in America— announced that he would donate one billion dollars to charity over the next ten years. The money would go to a new foundation to benefit various United Nations causes. Turner also announced that he'd begin a telephone campaign to personally solicit equally whopping donations from America's wealthiest men and woman. He shouldn't have trouble finding many since, according to Forbes, the United States currently has 170 billionaires. The ranks of America's wealthy keep swelling as more and more "ordinary" folk become mere millionaires.

Forbes'ten richest Americans (as of 1996):

1. Bill Gates; Bellevue, Washington—$39.8 billion

2. Warren Buffett; Omaha, Nebraska—$21 billion

3. Paul Allen; Mercer Island, Washington—$17 billion

4. Lawrence Ellison; Atherton, California—$9.2 billion

5. Gordon Moore; Woodside, California—$8.8 billion

6. Steven Ballmer; Bellevue, Washington—$8.3 billion

7. John Kluge; Charlottesville, Virginia—$7.8 billion

8. Ronald Perelman; New York—$6.5 billion

9. Jim C. Walton; Bentonville, Arkansas—$6.5 billion 10. Helen R. Walton; Bentonville, Arkansas—$6.4 billion

Words to Live By

Philanthropy means "love of one's fellow human. " It is on the rise in America.

I II u mi w ia ■

The top ten philanthropists in 1996 and their donations that year (source: the Hyatt Corporation, Marmon Group):

1. George Soros; Soros Fund Management—$350 million

2. L. S. Skaggs; American Stores—$155 million

3. Bill Gates; Microsoft Corporation—$135 million

4. Walter Annenberg; Triangle Publications—$128 million

5. William Hewlett; Hewlett-Packard—$100 million

6. Leslie Gonda; International Lease Finance Corporation—$73 million

7. Jay A. and Robert A. Pritzker; Hyatt Corporation—$70 million

8. Ted Arison; Carnival Cruise Lines—$60 million

9. Robert Galvin; Motorola—$60 million

10. William Davidson; Guardian Industries—$35 million

Who is the most generous philanthropist in the "history of the world?"

Brother, can you spare a dime?

According to the magazine The American Benefactors: Walter Annen-berg, former owner of TV Guide and onetime ambassador to Britain. Over a lifetime of generous giving to hundreds of different groups, as diverse as the United Negro College Fund and the University of Pennsylvania, Annenberg has donated well in excess of one billion dollars. And he continues to make staggeringly large annual contributions.

Runner-up in the billion-plus giving category: Paul Mellon, the main heir of the Pittsburgh dynasty that launched Gulf Oil.

The American Benefactor takes into account only money donated in one's lifetime, not bequests. The magazine noted that philanthropy among the very rich has exploded in the 1990s, reaching all-time highs. The magazine also noted that its list of top 100 donators included surprisingly few names from Forbes magazine's list of the 400 richest Americans.

Let them eat cake ♦

Attributed to Marie Antoinette (1755-1793)

The phrase is a contemptuous dig on the plight of the poor. It's often attributed to Vienna-born Marie Antoinette, the frivolous, imprudent consort of Louis XVI of France, who, as an enemy of reform, contributed to the popular unrest that led to the Revolution and to the overthrow of the monarchy in August 1792. The notoriously extravagantly queen, daughter of the Hapsburg emperor Franz I and Maria Theresa, was told that her subjects had no bread to eat and replied: Qu'ils mangent de la brioche. She'd live to eat her words. Louis was executed on orders from the National Convention in January 1793, and in August the queen was put in solitary confinement in the Conciergerie. She was brought before the Revolutionary tribunal on October 14, 1793, and guillotined two days later.

However, French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau, whose thought marked the end of the Age of Reason and the birth of Romanticism—and who encouraged parents to take new interest in their children and educate boys and girls alike—used the saying about two years earlier in one of his most famous works, which he molded on the Confessions of Saint Augus-

Words to Live By

tine:

At length I recollected the thoughtless saying of a great prince, who, on being informed that the country people had no bread, replied, "Let them eat cake." CONFESSIONS, 1781-1788.

Lexicographers have pointed out that an ancient Chinese proverb is very similar. When an emperor was informed that his people had no rice to eat, he contemptuously replied, "Then let them eat meat."

Christian Saints on Charity

In Roman Catholic theology, charity is a supernatural virtue because it imparts in the giver the gift of sanctifying grace; in other words, give to the less fortunate and Christ gives grace in return. Charity is also Christ's most important commandment. No group in the history of Christianity understood that better than the saints. They practiced charity with a burning fervor that, for many of them, often bordered on extreme self-denial.

Saint Augustine claimed that by charity Jesus Christ meant: "Whatever you do to the most humble and unappealing of my creatures you are doing to Me." Unappealing is the key word. It is easy to be charitable to unfortunate folk who are clean, polite, and well spoken; easier still if the temporarily hard up are educated folk who are battling a bit of bad luck. But Christian saints, following Christ's lead, sought out lepers and offered shelter to unkempt tramps. Many Bible stories tell of Christ himself masquerading as a sick or sullied tramp in order to test a follower's true character.

Saint Francis of Assisi, son of a wealthy silk merchant, who, against his father's wishes, devoted his life to serving the sick and the poor (the father thought the son had gone insane), extended Christ's concept of charity to include all of the animal kingdom. Many people display more charity and love toward their clipped poodle or combed Persian cat than to homeless and hungry children.

Here is what the saints themselves had to say:

Brother, can you spare a dime?

The chill of charity is the silence of the heart; the flame of charity is the clamor of the heart. SAINT AUGUSTINE, THEOLOGIAN AND FIFTH CENTURY

bishop of Hippo.

It is easy enough to feel drawn to good, healthy people who have pleasant manners, but that is only natural love and not charity. SAINT ROBERT BEL-LARMINE, D. 1621, JESUIT SCHOLAR.

One must see God in everyone. SAINT CATHERINE LABOURS, D. 1876,

French Daughter of Charity.

All creatures have the same source as we have. Like us, they derive the life of thought, love, and will from the Creator. Not to hurt our humble brethren is our first duty to them; but to stop there is a complete misunderstanding of the intentions of Providence. We have a higher mission. God wishes that we should succor them whenever they require it. SAINT FRANCIS OF ASSISI, D.

1226, first to recede stigmata, the fp/e wounds of the crucified Christ.

Charity never enters a heart without lodging both itself and its train of all the other virtues which it exercises and disciplines as a captain does his soldiers. Saint Francis de Sales, d. 1622, patron of journalists and writers.

If God's word is spoken only naturally, it does very little; but if it is spoken by [one] who is filled with the fire of charity — the fire of love of God and neighbor — it will wound vices, kill sins, convert sinners, and work wonders. SAINT

Anthony Mary Claret, d. 1870, founder of the Missionary Sons of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.

Charity is not able to sin. SAINT ANGELA MERICI, D. 1540, FOUNDER OF THE URSULINES, THE FIRST GREAT TEACHING ORDER FOR WOMEN.

/ tell you these things, refreshing you, and praying that since we are all created of the same substance, which has a beginning but no end, we may love another with a single love. For all who know themselves know that they are of

Words to Live By

one immortal substance. SAINT ANTHONY OF EGYPT, D. 356, "FOUNDER" OF MONASTICISM.

A mother does not love her sick, deformed child because he is lovable, but because she is his mother, and we must pray to the Holy Spirit to put into our hearts that selfless devotion which nature has put into hers. SAINT ROBERT Bellarmine, d. 1621.

That law which is perfect because it takes away all imperfections is charity. Blessed Jordan of Saxony, d. 1237, succeeded St. Dominic as second MASTER GENERAL OF THE DOMINICAN ORDER OF PREACHERS.

Charity is the scope of all God's commands. SAINT JOHN CHRYSOSTOM, D. 407, PATRIARCH OF CONSTANTINOPLE, PATRON OF PREACHERS.

If you truly want to help the soul of your neighbor, you should approach God first with all your heart. Ask Him simply to fill you with charity, the greatest of all virtues; with it you can accomplish what you desire. SAINT VINCENT Ferrer, d. 1419, Dominican preacher.

Charity covers a multitude of sins ♦

New Testament, 1 Peter 4:8

This famous maxim, much misunderstood, originated as "Charity shall cover the multitude of sins," appearing in the first of two letters attributed to Saint Peter in the New Testament. Peter was Among the first converts to Jesus's teachings, Peter wrote his letters around 64 C.E. His first letter has four broad themes: the greatness of salvation, the need for spiritual growth, the necessity to resist temptation, and the commitment to engage in charitable works. Peter instructed husbands, wives, servants, and citizens to love one another with the intention of making life better for all:

But the end of all things is at hand. Be you sober therefore, and watch unto prayer. And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves, for charity

Brother, can you spare a dime? shall cover the multitude of sins (1 PETER 4: 7-8).

At the time he wrote his letters, Christians were being persecuted throughout Asia Minor. Peter begged Christians to repay the evils of persecution—the "multitude of sins"—with acts of charity toward their persecutors. Turn the other cheek; follow Christ's lead and repay injustice with goodness. This is the real meaning behind "charity [read: love] covers a multitude of sins."

As time passed and the proverb was quoted in other writings, it lost its sense of forgiveness. It became a cynical-sounding maxim: cover up your wrong doings with a few charitable works. In this self-serving sense, humanist French writer and priest Francois Rabelais popularized the saying in his comic satire Pantagruel (1532): "Their ugliness-concealer, which you call a nose mask, but which the ancients called charity [because it covers a multitude of sins]." The risque Rabelais, whose comedy ranged from gross burlesque to profound satire, colored the maxim for all time. The adjective "Rabelaisian" often applied to scatological humor is, however, misleading; Rabelais used scatology aesthetically, not gratuitously, for comic condemnation.

Later uses of the maxim, particularly in America, rendered it even more cynical:

• "Money, like Charity, covers all Crimes." Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack (1744).

• "20,000 sterling will cover almost as great a number of faults as charity." John Quincy Adams, 1786.

Wit Oscar Wilde, in his essay "The Soul of a Man Under Socialism" (1891), didn't so much misinterpret the maxim as deliberately pervert it: "Charity creates a multitude of sins."

The meek shall inherit the earth ♦

New Testament, Matthew 5:5

Words to Live By

Oscar Wilde: "Charity creates a multitude of sins.

£~T~'\\e biblical maxim, one of Christianity's Eight Beatitudes, is from Je-A sus Christ's Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5: 5-7). It says, in effect, that poor, humble people—not the proud and wealthy—will triumph in the end. As oil tycoon J. Paul Getty observed: "The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights."

Many religions have similar sayings, and every religion—primitive, ancient, and modern—recognizes the necessity of charity. Here is a cross-denominational view:

Judaism: Better is he who gives little to charity from money honestly earned, than he who gives much from dishonestly gained wealth. Talmud, Kohelet Rabbah 4.

The Sermon on the Mount.

Brother, can you spare a dime?

IsIam: The best of alms is that which the right hand gives, and the left hand knows it not. Mohammad, prophet and founder.

Hinduism: The wealthier man should give to the needy, / considering the course of life hereafter; / For riches are like chariot wheels revolving: / Now to one man they come, now to another. Rig-Veda.

Confucianism: A disciple having asked for a definition of charity, the Master said LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Analects of Confucius.

Christianity: The perfection of the Christian life principally and essentially consists in charity . . . which unites man to his end. Pope John XXII, d. 1334.

Jewish law suggests that a person donate a minimum of 10 percent of his or her net income, but it places an upper limit as well: "One who

Words to Live By

wishes to donate generously should not give more than a fifth of his income, lest he himself come to be in need of charity." Babylonian Talmud, Ketubot 50a.

Jewish law is hard on beggars who are fakers but lavishes high praise on those of means who donate without fanfare:

One who gives charity in secret is greater than Moses. BABYLONIAN TALMUD, Bava Bathra 9b.

Eight Levels of Charity

Moses Maimonides (1135-1204)

Moses Maimonides, the foremost intellectual figure of medieval Judaism—a philosopher, jurist, rabbi, and physician to the sultan of Egypt—divided the Hebrew concept of charity into eight ratings, from the most inferior to the most laudable. His contributions to moral philosophy have influenced Jewish and non-Jewish scholars alike, and his eight gradations of charity reveal the precise discrimination of his thought:

1. Charity that is given reluctantly. (In other words, you give grudgingly.)

2. Charity that is given cheerfully, but in inadequate amount. (You have the means to contribute more but don't.)

3. Charity given cheerfully and in adequate amount, but only after it's been solicited. (You had to be asked—perhaps embarrassed— into giving.)

4. Charity given cheerfully, in adequate amount, and of your own free will, but the alms is placed in the recipient's hand in such a way to make him or her feel inferior. (You're on a power trip.)

5. The recipient is told that you are the donor, because you wish it that way, but you do not know the identity of the recipient. (You're still on a power trip.)

6. You know who is receiving your largesse, but you request to remain anonymous.

7. Neither you, the donor, nor the recipient is aware of the other's

Brother, can you spare a dime?

identity. 8. Through your conscientious efforts, you enable a less fortunate person to rise up in life, earn a livelihood, and gain self-respect. This is the highest grade of charity, the level at which one helps others to help themselves.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted •

Aesop; 6th century B.C.E.

Tyindness to others is a form of giving. It does not require dipping JL \ into one's bank account, and it is a form of charity that even the poor can indulge in. One of the earliest fables to have as its moral "no act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted" was Aesop's "The Lion and the Mouse":

A lion was asleep in his den one day, when a mischievous mouse for no reason at all ran across the outstretched paw and up the royal nose of the king of beasts, awakening him from his nap. The mighty beast clapped his paw upon the now thoroughly frightened little creature and would have made an end of him.

"Please, "squealed the mouse, "don't kill me. Forgive me this time, O King, and I shall never forget it. A day may come, who knows, when I may do you a good turn to repay your kindness. "

The lion, smiling at this little prisoners fright and amused by the thought that so small a creature ever could be of assistance to the king of beasts, let him go.

Not long aflerward the lion, while ranging the forest for his prey, was caught in the net which the hunters had set to catch him. He let out a roar that echoed through the forest. Even the mouse heard it, and recognizing the voice of his former preserver and friend, ran to the spot where he lay tangled in the net of ropes.

"Well, your majesty, "said the mouse, "I know you did not believe me once when I said I would return a kindness, but here is my chance. "

"But what can you do?" said the bewildered king of beasts.

Words to Live By

Without further ado, the mouse set to work to nibble with the sharp little teeth at the ropes that bound the lion. Soon the lion was able to crawl out of the hunters snare and be free.

Ten Sages on Charity

In the United States doing good has come to be, like patriotism, a favorite device of persons with something to sell. H. L. MENCKEN, WRITER.

The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth and have it found out by accident. CHARLES LAMB, WRITER AND SATIRIST.

Charity is money put to interest in the other world. ROBERT SOUTHEY, POET.

In charity there is no excess. FRANCIS BACON, SCIENTIST AND PHILOSOPHER.

This only is charity, to do all that we can. JOHN DONNE, POET AND PREACHER.

Every charitable act is a stepping stone toward heaven. HENRY WARD Beecher, preacher.

For those who are not hungry, it is easy to palaver about the degradation of charity. CHARLOTTE BRONTE, SHIRLEY, 1849.

/ as little fear that God will damn a man that has charity, as I hope that the priests can save one who has not. ALEXANDER POPE, THOUGHTS ON VARIOUS Subjects, 1737.

The white man knows how to make everything, but he does not know how to distribute it. SITTING BULL, AMERICAN INDIAN CHIEF.

The contents of his [Sitting Bull's] pockets were often emptied into the hands of small, raged little boys, nor could he understand how so much wealth should go brushing by, unmindful of the poor. ANNIE OAKLEY, IN COURTNEY

Brother, can you spare a dime?

R. Cooper, Annie Oakley: Woman at Arms, 1927.

Beggars can't be choosers ♦

John Heywood; All the Proverbs in the English Tongue, 1546

rhe proverb suggests that anyone in need should not be fussy about handouts. If you're getting something for free, be thankful, not critical. The saying may be rooted in a 15th-century French proverb: Qui em-pruncte ne peult choisir, "He who borrows cannot choose." It appeared in English in A Dialogue Conteining the Number in Effect of All the Proverbes in the Englishe Tongue (1546) by English playwright John Heywood: Folke saie alwaie, beggars should be no choosers." Folk apparently were well acquainted with the saying—the folk, that is, who gave out alms—a word from the Middle English almesse and the Greek eleos, meaning "pity."

Interestingly, centuries ago alms meant the performance of an act of mercy; no exchange of money was involved.

The word "alms" was not at all pejorative in Arabic, as Mohammad, the great Islamic Prophet, made clear:

Prayer carries us halfway to God; fasting brings us to the door of God's palace; almsgiving procures- us admission. KORAN.

Let not your left hand know what your right hand does ♦

New Testament, Matthew 6: 2-4

yf~\\ too often we use this biblical maxim as a critique of hypocrit-V-^/jl ical or confused behavior. But Jesus meant nothing of the kind, when, according to Matthew, he said:

Do not give alms before men to be seen by them, do not sound a trumpet as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the street, to attract the attention of other men. I say to you, when you give alms let not your left hand know what your right hand does. Give your alms in secret, and your Father in heaven, who sees you himself, shall reward you.

Words to Live By

Matthew 6: 2-4.

The New Testament also tells us that an act of charity should be performed with a happy face: "God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Corinthians 9:7). Christian saints, despite their myriad sufferings, executed their charitable acts with dignity and good spirit. It is easy to give cheerfully if one does not blame the beggar for his or her sad predicament:

Do not use the impudence of a beggar as an excuse for not helping him. RABBI Shmelke of Nicolsburg.

Jesus Christ equated the virtue of charity with the strong character of the giver, and he explained how a true follower must give:

If you wish to be perfect, go and sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven. MATTHEW 19:21.

The true value of money is not in its possession but its use ♦

Aesop; 6th century B.C.E.

(~% ^oney is like manure," said one wit with regard to making do-K~*S rJ- nations to charities. "If you spread it around, it does a lot of good, but if you pile it up in one place, it stinks like hell." Several comedians claim to have originated that witticism and truism.

Aesop made a similar point twenty-five centuries earlier in his fable "The Miser":

A miser, who never stopped worrying about the safety of his possessions, sold all his property and converted it into a huge lump of gold. This he buried in a hole in the ground near his garden wall, and every morning he went to visit it and gloat over the size of it.

The misers strange behavior aroused the curiosity of the town thief Spying upon the rich man from some bushes, the thief saw him place the lump of gold back in the hole and cover it up. As soon as the misers

Brother, can you spare a dime?

back was turned, the thief went to the spot, dug up the gold and took it away.

The next morning when the miser came to gloat over his treasure he found nothing but an empty hole. He wept and tore his hair, and so bud were his lamentations that a neighbor came running to see what was the trouble.

As soon as the neighbor learned what had happened, he said comfortingly: "You are foolish to distress yourself so over something that was buried in the earth. Take a stone and put it in the hole, and think that it is your lump of gold. You never meant to use it anyway. Therefore it will do you just as much good to fondle a lump of granite as a lump of gold."

moral: The true value of money is not in its possession but in its use.

Gospel writer Matthew also spoke about hoarding money:

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. MATTHEW 19:24.

Biblical scholars now believe that this familiar quotation contains a translation error—it certainly mixes metaphors, since camels do not even attempt to pass through eyes of needles. The original Hebrew almost certainly read "it is easier for a rope to go through the eye of a needle," but "rope" was mistranslated as "camel," the two words being similar in spelling.

If you give money, spend yourself with it ♦

Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

Ol Taturalist and essayist, poet and practical philosopher, Henry David JL V Thoreau liked to emphasize that charity involved sharing not only one's money but also oneself. Renowned for having lived the doctrines of transcendentalism as recorded in his masterwork, Walden (1854), and for having been a vigorous advocate of civil liberties, as evidenced in the essay

Words to Live By

Henry David Thoreau.

wawMBa^r.,

"Civil Disobedience" (1849), Thoreau was a charitable man—considering that he did not have much to give materially—and he advised others: "If you give money, spend yourself wi h it."

Today, individuals are getting involved in charitable works, especially for diseases like breast cancer and AIDS. People are donating money and time in unprecedented numbers. Ethicist Charles L. Kammer lists seven "ethical arguments" for individuals to get involved in charitable endeavors:

1. Basic needs such as food, shelter, education and health care must be met since they are vital for human survival and growth.

2. All persons have equal worth. And, in religion, all persons are created equal.

3. Personal wants and pleasures are not sufficient reasons for depriving others of resources needed for survival. In religion, God created the world to benefit all his creatures, not just a privileged

Brother, can you spare a dime?

few.

4. The primary causes of poverty are a function of chance: place of birth, social location, innate capabilities, and economic cycles. Therefore there exists a moral obligation to meet the basic needs of others.

5. For religion people, the primary moral commandment 'Love your neighbor' obligates persons to meet the needs of others.

6. As part of a community that provides myriad benefits, members of the community have a moral obligation to assume the economic subsistence of all other members.

7. Fulfilling the 'welfare right' of people improves the quality of life for all by reducing crime, reducing class antagonisms and conflicts, and providing a healthy, well-educated work force.

Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his boots ♦

American Proverb, 19 th century

/n Thoreau's time another "charity" proverb was popular: "Don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his booths." It was used most often to silence critics of the poor and downtrodden. Don't judge another person's life, it suggested, until you've been forced to live it. Around this time in America charity was becoming institutionalized. The notion arose that the obligation to "love thy neighbor" was the duty of the government. At the turn of the century, hospitals, orphanages, remedial schools arose to segregate the needy from the rest of society. Organized charities were eventually set up like businesses, with tax-exempt status. All too often compassion was measured by a ledger's debits and credits. The personal command to "love thy neighbor" through individual acts of charity lost meaning for most people. "Charity was no longer the sharing of one's goods with those in need," writes Nathan R. Kollar in Ethics (1994), "but rather the giving of one's leftovers to those who had failed."

Humorist Ogden Nash summed up the situation in a rhyme:

Words to Live By

They take the paper and the read the headlines,

So they've heard of unemployment and they're heard of breadlines,

And they philanthropically cure them all

By getting up a costume charity ball.

One good turn deserves another ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

Latin Manuscript, c. 1400

^*T*~"avors must be reciprocated. If someone extends an act of kindness A or charity toward you, you should return a similar gesture—so says this maxim. The earliest explicit version is found in a medieval manuscript (c. 1400), now in the John Rylands Library, Manchester, England: "O good turne asket another."

A similar version, "One good tourne askth an another," appeared in John Heywood's A Dialogue Conteining the Number in Effect of All the Proverbes in the Englishe Tongue (1546).

The modern wording first appeared in the pastoral drama Amyntas (published posthumously, 1638) by English poet and dramatist Thomas Randolph, who used his knowledge of Aristotelian logic to create a unique kind of comedy full of p ins from mathematics, the classics, and famous maxims.

The maxim was a favorite of Thomas Paine, who included the advice in letters to friends. Novelists have also placed it in the mouths of their characters: Goethe in Faust (1806), Sir Walter Scott in Heart of Midlothian (1818), James Joyce in Ulysses (1922), and J. R. R. Tolkien in The Return of the King (1956).

Aesop's fable "The Ant and the Dove" has the maxim as its moral:

A thirsty ant went to a spring for a drink of water. While climbing down a blade of grass to reach the spring he fell in. The ant might very well have drowned had it not been for a dove who happened to be perched in a nearby tree.

Seeing the ant's danger, the dove quickly plucked off a leaf and let it

Brother, can you spare a dime.

Jesus Christ: "As you have done it to one of the least of these my brethren, you have done it to me. "

drop into the water near ,he struggling insect. The ant climbed upon the leaf and quickly was wafted safely to shore.

Just at that time, a hunter was spreading his net in the hope of snaring the dove. The gratified ant, perceiving the hunters plan, bit him in the heel. Startled, the huntsman dropped his net, and the dove flew away to safety.

moral: One good turn deserves another.

Jesus Christ, in promising grace and salvation for people who engage in charitable acts, embraced the wisdom:

Verily I say to you, as you have done it to one of the least of these my brethren, you have done it to me. MATTHEW 25:40.

Words to Live By

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else ♦

Booker T. Washington (1856-1915), educator

(~7 f) I hen we do good, we feel good. This is what Booker T. Washing-%JC/ ton, the most influential spokesman for black Americans between 1895 and 1915, meant when he said, "If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else."

The famous psychiatrist Karl Menninger was asked what action he would recommend to a person on the brink of a nervous breakdown. "Lock up your house," the celebrated psychiatrist advised, "then go across the railroad tracks and find someone in need of help and do something for him."

Mother Teresa, the Albanian-born nun who founded the Missionaries of Charity, claimed that she felt so good ministering to the world's poor that charity at times seemed to her almost a selfish act. She offered these two ideas on charity and love:

• Charity, to be fruitful, must cost us.

• The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.

The whole purpose of charity, said the diminutive nun, should be to ensure that no one ever feels unwanted, which is synonymous with "unloved."

There but for the grace of God go I ♦

New Testament, 1 Corinthians 15: 9-10

(^Yyy this maxim we mean that we, too, given less favorable circum-JL/ stances, might have ended up as the person who is the object of our concern. One day we could find ourselves in a similarly dire predicament—bad luck can befall anyone. The maxim is most often used about the poor and homeless. A sudden and catastrophic illness in the life of a well-to-do family, especially if the misfortune befalls the primary breadwinner, can render them penniless and, ultimately, homeless.

Brother, can you spare a dime.

S't*t " *Sl t\l iH— I |

I 1

'■yt» "ivww^w>

There but for the grace of God go I.

For a religious person the proverb is a literal expression of God's benevolence; for others it is synonymous with "good luck."

Saint Paul, in 1 Corinthians, suggested by the phrase that were it not for "the grace of God" he'd still be a disbeliever and a persecutor of the followers of Christ. It was the "grace of God," delivered, initially, on the road to Damascus, that converted him to Christ and allowed him to change his name from Saul, the Jew from Tarsus, to Paul, the Christian evangelist. He chided himself:

For I am the least of the apostles, not meant to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; I labor more abundantly than all the rest; yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me. 1 CORINTHIANS 15: 9-10

Love Your Neighbor as Yourself ♦

Old Testament, Leviticus 19:18

US

Words to Live By

/n Christianity, the greatest expression of charity, or Christian love, is embodied in Christ's commandment "love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus did not invent the phrase, as many Christian's believe, but was quoting centuries-old Hebrew Scripture:

You shall not hate your brother in your heart. . . You shall not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. LEVITICUS 19:17-18.

Many writers have humorously paraphrased the proverb:

• Love your neighbor, yet pull not down your hedge. Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, 1754.

• No one can love his neighbor on an empty stomach. President Woodrow Wilson, speech in New York, 1912.

• Fear they neighbor as thyself. Eugene O'Neill, The Great God Brown, 1926.

Many saints have ranked love of neighbor and charity toward him, the predominant theme of Christianity, as the primary theological virtue. Saint Paul:

Though I have strong faith, so that I could move mountains, if I have not charity, I am nothing. 1 CORINTHIANS 13:2.

Of faith, hope, charity, these three; the greatest of these is charity. 1 Corinthians 13:13.

Angelic Doctor of the Church, Thomas Aquinas, the greatest system-atizer of Christian thought, taught in his 13 th -century masterwork, Summa Theologica:

Faith, hope and charity are virtues directing us to God. . . in the order of perfection, charity precedes faith and hope . . . charity is the mother and root of all the virtues in as much as it is the form of them all.

Brother, can you spare a dime?

Because charity is synonymous with love in Christian ethics, it is the foundation of forgiveness, sympathy, tolerance, and human rights. For Aquinas, even justice, which he believed to be the "most excellent of moral virtues," took a backseat to charity because "He that has charity has all the moral virtues." He was fond of quoting Christ:

/ was hungry and you gave me meat; I was thirsty and you gave me drink; I was a stranger and you took me in; I was naked and you clothed me; I was sick and you visited me; I was in prison and you came to me. Matthew 25:35-36.

Life's a bowl erries

of ch

HAPPINESS

& A L ife Purpose

V

definition: Feelings of pleasure, contentment, joy.

word origin: From the Middle English happi, meaning "favored by luck. "

significance: The desire for happiness is one of the most important motivators of human behavior. People will go to extraordinary measures to make themselves happy, often achieving the opposite result.

related virtues: Joy, peace, contentment, and love.

opposite traits: Sadness, discontent, and depression.

118

Happiness is a warm puppy ♦

Charles M. Schulz; "Peanuts," 1957

T /appiness is a very personal thing. For some people happiness is jl Jl money. For others, power, or love, or spirituality.

The formula for the much-used maxim "Happiness is [fill in the blank]" became popular in this century and created a cottage industry for the expression. One early modern appearance was in the popular 1942 Harold Arlen song "Happiness Is a Thing Called Joe," where "joe" was not a cup of coffee.

The formula became a pop culture phenomenon starting in 1957. That year cartoonist Charles M. Schulz, creator of the "Peanuts" comic, drew a strip in which a boy named Linus hugged Snoopy, a dog, saying, in the fourth panel, "Happiness is a warm puppy." The phrase quickly appeared on T-shirts and lapel buttons, and Schulz's book Happiness Is a Warm Puppy (1962) rose to number one, sold over a million copies, and launched a line of "Happiness is . . ." paraphernalia.

Using a variation on the formula, Schulz published a "Charlie Brown" sequel, Security Is a Thumb and a Blanket (1963) and, the following year, Christmas Is Together- Time.

Tonight show host Johnny Carson published two books of one-liners, Happiness Is a Dry Martini (number five best-seller for 1965) and Misery Is a Blind Date (number two best-seller for 1967).

The Schulz formula spawned a stream of promotional phrases for everything from eggs, to cigars, to watches: "Happiness is egg-shaped," "Happiness is a cigar called Hamlet," "Happiness is being elected team captain—and getting a Bulova watch." At least two popular songs used the phrase in their titles: "Happiness is Seeing Lubbock, Texas, in the Rearview Mirror," and John Lennon and Paul McCartney's "Happiness is a Warm Gun" (1968).

There have been older instances of the formula:

• Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness. 19TH-CENTURY MAXIM.

• Happiness is a good bank account, a good cook, and good diges-

np

Words to Live By

tion. Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher.

• Happiness is a good home, a good wife, and good enough possessions. Talmud: Berakoth, 57b.

• Happiness is contentment; pleasure has a sting in its tail. CHINESE PROVERB.

• Happiness is the only sanction in life; where happiness fails, existence remains a mad and lamentable experiment. GEORGE SAN-TAYANA, PHILOSOPHER.

• Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalized. G. K. Chesterton, British author.

• Happiness is a good cigar, a good meal, and a good woman—or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. George Burns, comedian.

The best things in life are free ♦

Title of a hit song, 1927

£*~T"~'he maxim suggests that happiness can be found in simple pleasures, JL as opposed to costly possessions. It further implies that appreciation of freebies like a full moon, a crimson sunset, fragrant spring blossoms, and a snowfall offers the best route to happiness. The saying dates from the hit song "The Best Things in Life Are Free" (1927), with lyrics by Buddy G. DeSilva and Lew Brown (music by Ray Henderson) for the Broadway musical Good News:

The moon belongs to ev'ryone, The best things in life are free; The stars belong to ev'ryone, They gleam there for you and me.

The song and its simple philosophy became a favorite of author and educator Helen Keller (1880-1968), who helped change the way Americans viewed the handicapped. Stricken with a severe illness at the age of nineteen months, she was deprived of sight and hearing and soon became mute. When she was six years old her parents appealed to Alexander Gra-

ham Bell for counsel regarding her education; and, as a result, Anne Mansfield Sullivan—then twenty years old, formerly blind, but partially cured of blindness—began to instruct the child. Within a month Helen had learned the names of objects by having the manual alphabet pressed into her palm. Later she learned to speak by placing her fingers on Sullivan's larynx to "hear" the vibrations. In 1904, she graduated cum laude from Radcliffe College, Cambridge, Massachusetts, where Sullivan had "spelled" the lectures into her hand. Her many books include The Story of My Life (1903) and Helen Keller s Journal (1938), and her childhood training with Anne Sullivan was depicted in William Gibson's 1959 play The Miracle Worker, which was made into a motion picture in 1962. Keller devoted her life to publicly aiding the deaf and blind, arguing as she toured the world that most people are unhappy most of the time because they want too much from life—too many material possessions—and don't really know what would make them truly happy. Her views on happiness:

No matter how dull, or mean, or how wise a man is, he feels that happiness is his indisputable right.

Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes real happiness. It is not obtained through self gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

Money can't buy happiness ♦

William & Mary College Quarterly, 1892

f~T~ive hundred people were asked in a recent poll "What would make JL you happy?" The vast majority answered that all it would take was winning a lottery jackpot—for them, the best things in life were not free. However, studies of state lottery winners have shown that most of them are made miserable by their windfalls. They overextend themselves with purchases, become the targets of greedy relatives and scam artists, are besieged by charities, and are ultimately let down by their own high expectations that money would buy them happiness. French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote in 1750: "Money buys everything, except morality and citizens."

12 1

Words to Live By

The proverb first appeared in the United States in the William & Mary College Quarterly (1892). Shortly thereafter it began to appear in other forms: "money can't buy friends," "money can't buy everything," and "money can't buy health." Much more recently we heard:

/ don't care too much for money, Money cant buy me love.

John Lennon and Paul McCartney, "Can't Buy Me Love," 1964.

Money is the root of all evil ♦

New Testament, 1 Timothy 6:10

rhe saying originated in the New Testament: "For the love of money is the root of all evil." (Timothy 1 6:10.). Playwright George Bernard Shaw, in Man and Superman (1905), inverted the wisdom: "Lack of money is the root of all evil." Four thoughts on happiness:

To marvel at nothing is just abut the one and only thing that can make a man happy and keep him that way. HORACE, ROMAN POET, D. 8 B.C.E.

Not to admire, is all the art I know,

To make men happy, and to keep them so.

Alexander Pope, Imitations of Horace, 1738.

Happiness is mostly a by-product of doing what makes us feel fulfilled. BENJAMIN Spock, pediatrician.

How to gain, how to keep, how to recover happiness is in fact for most men at all times the secret motive of all they do, of all they are willing to endure. William James, psychologist, The Varieties of Religious Experience.

Happiness is not to be found in borrowed finery ♦

.1 «..VA^-_S.I.

/I w*//j raw masquerades as a peacock.

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

q i 'his maxim suggests that the secret to happiness lies in learning to be JL satisfied with who you are and what you already possess. There is nothing wrong with the go-getter philosophy "hitch your wagon to a star," the "aim high" adage originated by essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson in "Society and Solitude" (1870). But if you're not happy with life's fundamentals, you probably wouldn't be happy with life's frills. Aesop made this point well in the fable "The Vain Crow":

One day a vain crow found some feathers which a peacock had shed. Sticking them in among plain black ones, he began to strut about, ignoring and despising his old friends and companions.

Dressed in his borrowed plumage, he very cockily sought out a flock of peacocks who were walking with stately steps on the park lawn. Instantly detecting the true nature of the intruder, they stripped him of his finery and fell upon him with their beaks, sending him running away.

The bedraggled crow, sadder but wiser, returned to his former com-

123

Words to Live By

panions, and he would have been satisfied to associate with them again. But the crows, remembering how obnoxious he had been with his airs and his vanity, drummed him out of their society. One of those whom he had recently despised offered him this advice: "Be contented with what nature made you and you will avoid the contempt of your peers and the punishment of your betters. "

moral: Happiness can not be found in borrowed finery.

Beauty is only skin deep ♦

Thomas Overbury, English poet; "A Wife," c. 1613

(~JI # any people relate happiness to their physical appearance, be-V^/ VA. lieving that if they looked better they'd be happier. Indeed, the entire cosmetics industry—and the medical specialty of cosmetic surgery—is based on this belief.

The saying suggests that personality and disposition are, in the long run, more important than physical attractiveness. It has been traced back to English poet and essayist Thomas Overbury, whose poem "A Wife" (c. 1613) listed the virtues that a young man should seek in a woman. Beauty was the least of them; a beautiful wife brought a husband many headaches. The poem would play a large role in the events that led to Overbury's murder and shows how even in the early 17 th century a scandal could make a mediocre work into a best-seller.

In 1606, Thomas Overbury became secretary and close adviser to Robert Carr, the future earl of Somerset and a favorite of King James I. Overbury was knighted, and Carr became Viscount Rochester in 1611. That year Rochester became enamoured of Frances Howard, the beautiful wife of the Earl of Essex. Lady Essex secured a divorce from her husband in order to marry Rochester. Overbury, fearing that the prospective marriage would reduce his influence over Rochester, tried to stop it. He circulated manuscript copies of "A Wife" at court, where the poem and its message—expressed as "All the carnall beautie of my wife, Is but skinne-deep"—was interpreted as an attack on Lady Essex's virtue and appearance. This incurred the displeasure of the king and enabled Lady Essex's

The Wife and the Demon of Vanity. James I (top).

powerful relatives to have Overbury imprisoned in the Tower—where the carnal beauty herself masterminded his poisoning.

Three months after Overburys death, Rochester, now earl of Somerset, married Lady Essex. Two years passed before public suspicions were aroused over what had taken place. The participants in Overburys murder were put on trial. Four accomplices in the poisoning were convicted and executed; the earl and countess of Somerset were also convicted but were pardoned by the king. Due to the trial's publicity, Overburys mediocre poem became an instant best-seller, going through many editions.

12s

Words to Live By

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ♦

William Shakespeare; Love's Labor's Lost, c. 1594

^~T-^he phrase points out that beauty is subjective, that people will not jl agree on who or what moves them. Its earliest version is in Shakespeare's Love's Labor's Lost (c. 1594):

PRINCESS: Good Lord Boyet, my beauty, though but mean, Needs not the painted flourish of your praise; Beauty is bought by the judgment of the eye, Not utter'd by base of chapmen's tongues.

Act II, Scene I.

Some lexicographers go farther back and cite as the maxim's origin a line in Ldyll by Greek poet Theocritus (300-260 B.C.E.), the "father of pastoral poetry": "For in the eyes of love that which is not beautiful often seems beautiful." His surviving poems comprise many bucolics, with country scenes in which shepherds woo nymphs, and shepherdesses hold singing contests with their rivals. They are the source of much of the poetry and drama of the Renaissance and the ancestors of the famous English pastoral elegies John Milton's "Lycidas," Percy Bysshe Shelley's "Adonais," and Matthew Arnold's Thyrsis."

Benjamin Franklin in Poor Richard's Almanack (1741) gave a variation: "Beauty, like supreme dominion/Is but supported by opinion."

Scottish philosopher David Hume in Essays, Moral and Political (1742) wrote: "Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them."

The modern wording appeared in Molly Bawn (1878), by Irish novelist Margaret Hungerford.

Five Women Writers On Happiness

That is happiness: to be dissolved into something complete and great. WlLLA Cather, MyAntonia, 1918.

David Hume: "Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them.

Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of ones values. AYN Rand, ATLAS SHRUGGED, 1957.

Happiness is not a possession to be prized, it is a quality of thought, a state of mind. Daphne Du Maurier, Rebecca, 1938.

Happiness lies in the consciousness we have of it. GEORGE SAND, HANDSOME Lawrence, 1871.

Happiness for the average person may be said to flow largely from common sense, adapting oneself to circumstances, and sense of humor. BEATRICE LlL-

lie, Every Other Inch a Lady, 1972.

What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner. French writer Colette, when asked late in life if she'd been happy.

Happy the man who can search the causes of things ♦

127

Words to Live By

Virgil, Roman poet; 30 B.C.E.

£~°~T~'\\e Roman poet Virgil believed that happiness sprang naturally, and JL effortlessly, from a busy and inquiring mind. The subject of the inquiry was less important that the process of inquiring; the important thing was to keep the mind active at all times. The secret, he said, was to be continually inquisitive about the world, its workings, and its people. In other words, be continually engaged in something—anything. Happiness, for Virgil, flowed straightforwardly from the process of the mind's moving in a direction—focused mental travel—and not from the static state of having arrived at a destination.

An old German maxim says the same thing:

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.

To express this idea using two of todays psychologically hot buzzwords, "flow" and "zone," happiness is a the result of finding "flow" and getting "into the zone."

Today's champion of "flow" and "zone" is psychologist Mihaly Csik-szentmihalyi. He teaches that anyone can experience flow and get into a zone by intense engagement in any mental or physical endeavor—skiing, writing, piano playing. Here the contemporary expert explains the philosophy of "flow" and the corresponding attainment of happiness:

Complete immersion in an experience could occur while you are singing in a choir, dancing, playing bridge, or reading a good book. If you love your job, it could happen during a complicated surgical operation or a close business deal It may occur in a social interaction, when talking with a good friend, or while playing with a baby. Moments such as these provide flashes of intense living against the dull background of everyday life.

These exceptional moments are what I have called "flow" experiences. The metaphor of flow is one that many people have used to describe the sense of effortless action they feel in moments that stand out as the best in their lives. Athletes refer to it as "being in the zone, " religious mystics as being in "ecstasy, " artists and musicians as "aesthetic rapture. "

It is the full involvement of flow that makes for excellence in life. We

can be happy experiencing the passive pleasure of a rested body, warm sunshine, or the contentment of a serene relationship, but this kind of happiness is dependent on favorable external circumstances.

The happiness that follows flow is of our own making, and it leads to increasing complexity and growth in consciousness.

Flow tends to occur when a person faces a clear set of goals that require appropriate responses . . . The clarity of goals is present if you perform a religious ritual, play a musical instrument, weave a rug, write a computer program, climb a mountain, or perform surgery. MlHALY CSIKSZENTMIHALYI, PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, JULY/AUGUST 1997.

Go with the flow ♦

1960s Americanism

>elax, hang loose, go with the flow" was a philosophy of happiness that originated in the United States within the drug and meditation cultures of the late 1960s. The idea is Taoist, to accept things as they are and align oneself accordingly. Today, due to the work of psychologist Mi-haly Csikszentmihalyi, "go with the flow" has taken on a different meaning.

Here are some tips on how to go with the flow, and find a zone of your own, in which you can experience extreme contentment—maybe even blissful happiness. They are culled from the writings of Csikszentmihalyi and The Achievement Zone by Shane M. Murphy (1996):

• Choose some activity you enjoy and are good at. It must have binding rules, and give you direct feedback. Your goals must be clearly stated, and your skills must be matched to the challenge. You can't experience bliss playing a Beethoven sonata if you can barely play chopsticks. You can't perfect your golf swing if you've never held a club before.

• Focus only on what your are doing moment by moment, turning out all external distractions. For now, forget about the outcome. Just play the sonata measure by measure, or perfect swinging the club.

129

Words to Live By

• Think creatively. See yourself succeeding at the task in some concrete way. Hear the sonata; imagine the perfect swing.

• Stay cool. Take charge of your emotions—frustration, disappointment, and even elation.

• Psyche yourself; pump up your energy. Muster the energy to engage fully in the activity.

• Develop a routine or ritual that you perform before getting into the activity. Maybe a set of piano fingering scales, or flexing the golf club a certain way to warm up your wrists. Ritual helps one focus concentration which, in turn, accelerates "flow."

English philosopher and mathematician Bertrand Russell often spoke of how happy he was when deeply engaged in detailed mathematical computations. The more rigorous the rules of logic he had to follow, and the more complex the computations, the more contented he became and the faster time passed for him. He'd tapped into the flow, and was in a zone. An active mind, he argued, was the best route to a happy life:

The secret of happiness is this: Let your interests be as wide as possible, and let your reactions to the things and persons that interest you be as far as possible friendly rather than hostile.

The relationship between flow and happiness is embodied in an old maxim: "If a task is worth doing, it is worth doing well." Give the job your all.

Happy days are here again ♦

Hit 1929 song; Jack Yellen, lyricist

f /appiness is a key theme in song lyrics. Democratic presidential con-1, A tender Franklin D. Roosevelt was the first political candidate to use "happy days are here again" as a campaign theme. The saying is from the 1929 hit song by Jack Yellen, with music by Milton Ager:

Happy days are here again,

The skies above are clear again; Let us sing a song of cheer again! Happy days are here again.

Everything's coming up roses ♦

Song from "Gypsy" (1959); Stephen Sondheim, Lyricist

Other song titles have become "happiness" maxims. "Everything's coming up roses" is from the Broadway musical Gypsy (1959), with lyrics by Stephen Sondheim and music by Jule Styne. As the Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings (1996) observes: "It is interesting to note that in 1932 the Democrats launched their presidential campaign promising that "Everything Will Be Rosy with Roosevelt."

More recently, Grammy-award winner Bobby McFerrin watched the title of his 1988 song "Don't Worry, Be Happy," from the film Cocktail, pass into the vernacular. The phrase originated with the Sufi teacher Baba, admired by McFerrin, Pete Townshend, and others. Posters of Baba's smiling face were popular in the 1960s and proclaimed "Don't worry, be happy, for I am the beloved who loves you more than you could ever love yourself."

American Presidents on Happiness

One overriding theme echoes throughout the comments of American presidents on happiness: that the desirable state flows most readily not from acquiring possessions but from the pursuit of, and commitment to, a worthy cause—which leads to a sense of peace, self-contentment, and self-fulfillment. In 1788 Thomas Jefferson penned advice in a letter to his sister, Mrs. Anna Scott Marks: "It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and occupation, which give happiness." What presidents have said:

Human happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected. GEORGE

Washington.

131

Words to Live By

Mount Vernon, George Washington's birthplace and residence, brought him much happiness. His medicine chest.

Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1782.

Happiness cannot come to any man capable of enjoying true happiness unless it comes as the sequel to duty well and honestly done. THEODORE ROOSEVELT, 1904.

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ABRAHAM Lincoln, attributed.

It is a fact that so far as our happiness is concerned, it matters not much where we are, so that we are satisfied with our situation — and whether we will be satisfied or not depends upon ourselves . . . My doctrine is that almost everything depends upon ourselves. We can be satisfied if we will. FRANKLIN Pierce, 1829.

Franklin Pierce.

A mind always employed is always happy This is the true secret, the grand recipe, for felicity. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1787.

Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money, but in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT, FIRST INAUGURAL Address.

Jefferson believed that the attainment of happiness was tied to duty, purpose, and action. The opinion was voiced later by physician Albert Schweitzer: "One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve."

Jefferson discovered firsthand that fame and celebrity, two goals obsessively sought by many people, were particularly harmful to happiness, often destroying it. America's third president lamented to John Adams, his predecessor: "He is happiest of whom the world says least, good or bad."

For Jefferson, only one thing was more destructive of happiness than fame and celebrity: the pursuit of power, another of todays major goals for many people. Said Jefferson: "I have never been able to conceive how any rational being could propose happiness to himself from the exercise of power over others."

133

Words to Live By

As for happiness springing naturally from duty, purpose, and action, Jefferson concluded that the opposite traits—selfishness, disinterest, and idleness—were a curse worse than death:

Of all the cankers of human happiness none corrodes with so silent, yet so baneful an influence, as indolence. To MARTHA JEFFERSON, May 21, 1787.

The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family. THOMAS JEFFERSON.

Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get ♦

American self-help maxim, pre-20th century

To one knows who first spoke the above truism, but the sentiment is at least a century old and probably older. James M. Barrie, creator of Peter Pan, the boy who refused to grow up, expressed a similar thought: "The secret of happiness is not doing what one likes, but in liking what one has to do."

Saint Paul also taught that happiness came from contentment with what one has, even when that something was very little. While in Rome, Paul wrote to the Philippians, in one of his most personal letters, about the need to accept one's circumstances in life:

"I am not interested in wanting things; I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, to be content" PHILIPPIANS 4:11.

Paul was in a dungeon at the time, with little hope of release, virtually alone, without funds, and weary from preaching the gospel. The deprivations made him realize that happiness, or contentment, was generated from within. His own secret weapon was faith: "Rejoice in the Lord."

The Bible continually reminds us that happiness is never attained through the acquisition of material goods. Happiness, in religion, springs from deep faith:

• Happy are the people whose God is the Lord. PSALM 144:15.

• Happy is the person who takes refuge in Him. PSALM 34:9.

• Happy are those who walk in the Law of the Lord. PSALM 119:1.

All the world's religions stress that happiness has nothing to do with wealth once the fundamental needs of food, clothing, and shelter are satisfied. The wealthy may be as deeply miserable as the poor—even more so if they assumed that their fortune guaranteed them lofty levels of happiness.

Through the brainwashing of advertising, we are taught to equate happiness with material possessions. The more we own, the happier we're supposed to be. We hear the siren call of every new product in the marketplace that is "guaranteed" to grant happiness, and we go rushing off to the nearest mall when, in fact, we should try to . . .

tame the mind, which is difficult to hold in and flighty, rushing wherever it is called; a tamed mind brings happiness. HINDUISM, DHAMMA-FADA.

Emily Dickinson suggested that one may be living in paradise and not know it until it's too late:

Eden is that old-fashioned House We dwell in every day Without suspecting our abode Until we drive away.

Christian Saints on Happiness

No one can live without delight and that is why a man deprived of spiritual joy goes over to carnal pleasures. THOMAS AQUINAS, DOCTOR OF THE Church, d. 1274.

It is always springtime in the heart that loves God. JOHN VlANNEY, PATRON SAINT OF PARISH PRIESTS, D. 1859.

135

Words to Live By

So, abandon yourself utterly for the love of God, and in this way, you will become truly happy BLESSED HENRY SUSO, DOMINICAN MONK, D. 1365.

A sad saint is a sorry saint. FRANCIS DE SALES, PATRON OF JOURNALISTS AND WRITERS, D. 1622.

The monks have no sadness. They wage war on the devil as though they were performing a dance. JOHN CHRYSOSTOM, PATRON OF PREACHERS; AN ELOQUENT PREACHER HIMSELF; "CHRYSOSTOM" MEANS "GOLDEN-MOUTHED," D. 407.

The soul of one who loves God always swims in joy, always keeps holiday, and is always in a mood for singing. JOHN OF THE CROSS, POET, MYSTIC, Carmelite monk, d. 1591.

The heart is rich when it is content, and it is always content when its desires are fixed on God. Nothing can bring greater happiness than doing God's will for the love of God. BLESSED MIGUEL FEBRES CORDERO-MUNOZ, CHRISTIAN Brother, d. 1910.

Leave sadness to those in the world. We who work for God should be light-hearted. Leonard of Port Maurice, Franciscan missionary, d. 1751.

If the world knew our happiness, it would, out of sheer envy, invade our retreats, and the times of the Fathers of the Desert would return when the solitudes were more populous than the cities. MADELINE SOPHIE BARAT, FOUNDER OF THE SOCIETY OF THE SACRED HEART OF JESUS, D. 1865.

So, brethren, 'rejoice in the Lord,' not in the world. That is, rejoice in the truth, not in the wickedness; rejoice in the hope of eternity, not in the fading flower of vanity. That is the way to rejoice. ANTHONY OF EGYPT, FIRST "monk" and "founder" of monasticism, d. 356.

It's not whether you win or lose but how you play the game ♦

Grantland Rice, sportswriter; 1954

^*y~ > he expression suggests that good sportsmanship is more important JL than victory, and that the experience is more important than the outcome. It also implies that happiness derives from one's frame of mind. The maxim was coined by American sportswriter Grantland Rice (1880-1954), in a context that goes beyond sports:

For when the One Great Scorer comes

To write against your name,

He marks — not that you won or lost —

But how you played the game.

"Alumnus Football, " THE TUMULT AND THE SHOUTING, 1954.

You have to take the bitter with the sweet ♦

John Heywood; Proverbs, 1546

This advice, sometimes expressed as "You have to learn to take the good with the bad," has been traced back to John Heywood's Collection of English Proverbs (1546). An inveterate collector of maxims, Heywood went on to publish An Hundred Epigrammes (1550), followed by Two Hundred Epigrammes (1555), and A Fourth Hundred Epygrams (1560).

Three related maxims—or philosophies—can help one maintain a happy disposition:

• Win some, lose some. Rudyard Kipling, CAPTAINS COURAGEOUS, 1897.

• You can't win 'em all. A 1940s POKER EXPRESSION.

• What will be, will be. GEOFFREY CHAUCER'S "The KNIGHT'S

Tale," c. 1378. Sometimes expressed in the Italian version, "che SARA, sarA."

If you find discontentment in one place, you're not likely to find happiness in another ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

137

Words to Live By

11 1- I • ■'<■■ ^ ■ WVVW II W'WWW ^

■•--—• trt —li

Aesop's "The Ass and His Master. "

The maxim, suggesting that a chronic complainer will never find happiness, is the moral to Aesop's fable, "The Ass and His Master":

A discontented ass felt that the gardener he worked for was a hard taskmaster. So the ass appealed to Jupiter to give him another master.

Annoyed by the ass's ingratitude, Jupiter turned him over to a potter who gave him even heavier burdens to bear.

Again the ass begged Jupiter. This time it was arranged to have the ass sold to a tanner.

Finding that he had now fallen into worse hands than ever, the ass lamented with a groan: "How wretched I am. I wish I had been content with my former masters. My new owner not only works me harder while I'm alive, but he will not even spare my hide when I am dead. I will still be working. "

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length ♦

Robert Frost (1874-1963), Poet

Moliere, French playwright.

>^merican Robert Frost suggested that the "high" experienced K^S JL from genuine happiness is so intense that often it more than compensates for the relatively short duration of the emotion. Happiness, said Frost, is all about height, hardly anything about length. No one of course is consistently happy; it's unrealistic to expect to be so:

Unbroken happiness is a bore; it should have ups and downs. MOLIERE,

French playwright.

Most of the world's religions teach that earthly happiness was meant to be fleeting; only heavenly happiness is eternal. Pope Pius XII, addressing a crowd in the summer of 1941, reminded his listeners: "Our Savior has nowhere promised to make us infallibly happy in this world."

One is never as unhappy as one thinks, nor as happy as one had hoped

to be. Francois, Due de La Rochefoucauld, French moralist.

The way to be happy is to make others so ♦

Robert Ingersoll (1833-1899); "Creed"

/^"merican agnostic, freethinker, and lawyer Robert Green Inger-v_*/-/ soil thought he knew the secret to happiness. It was not through religion; Ingersoll was known as "the great agnostic." He popu-

139

Words to Live By

larized scholarly criticism of the Bible, wrote a book titled Some Mistakes of Moses (1879), and promoted a humanistic philosophy and a scientific rationalism. After service in the Civil War, he became an active, staunch Republican, but his unorthodox religious views deterred Republican administrations from appointing him to a cabinet or diplomatic post. Nationally known as a lecturer, he was in great demand and received as much as $3,500 for a performance, during which listeners might hear his "happiness" creed:

My creed is that:

Justice is the only worship.

Love is the only priest.

Ignorance is the only slavery

Happiness is the only good.

The place to be happy is here.

The time to be happy is now.

The way to be happy is to make others so.

Ingersoll's last line is a variation on an ancient Hindu proverb: "True happiness consists in making others happy." Two thoughts on the matter:

Whoever is happy will make others happy. ANNE FRANK, DIARIST.

Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. AMBROSE BlERCE, THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY.

Don't try to please everyone ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

/n attempting to make others happy, we can go only so far without making ourselves miserable. Aesop embodied the wisdom in his fable "The Father and His Two Daughters":

A man who had two daughters gave one in marriage to a gardener and

140

the other to a potter. After the weddings the daughters departed with their husbands to their new homes, and the father was left alone. But he was happy that the girls had found husbands.

The following spring the father went to visit the daughter who married the gardener. "How are you doing, my daughter?" he asked. "Are you happy?"

"I'm doing very well, indeed," she replied. "We have everything we want. I have but one wish that would make me perfectly happy. And that is that we have a heavy shower to water all our growing plants. "

"I'llpray for rain, "promised the father.

Later the father visited the daughter who had married the potter. "And how is everything with you, daughter? Are you happy?"

"There is nothing we lack, " she said. "My only desire is that this dry weather and hot sun may continue so that all our tiles may be baked. "

The happy father became sad. "Alas, " he sighed, "if you must have sunny weather and your sister must have rain, what am I to pray for?"

moral: Don't try to please everyone.

The maxim was popular in the ancient world and appeared in many works. Publilius Syrus (85-43 B.C.E.), a leading Roman wit, writer of mimes, and compiler of maxims, listed as "Maxim 675": "It is a very hard undertaking to seek to please everybody."

Seven Sages on Happiness

If we only wanted to be happy it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are. CHARLES DE MONTESQUIEU, FRENCH POLITICAL THEORIST.

We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, PLAYWRIGHT, in "Candida."

The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and

141

Words to Live By

not on our circumstances. MARTHA WASHINGTON, WIFE OF GEORGE.

We all want to be happy, and were all going to die . . . Those are the only two unchallengeably true facts that apply to every human being on this planet. William Boyd, British novelist.

The greatest happiness you can have is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness. WILLIAM SAROYAN, NOVELIST.

If you ever find happiness hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, on her nose all the time. JOSH BILLINGS (HENRY Wheeler Shaw).

Happiness is desired by all men; and moments of it are probably attained by most men. Only moments of if can be attained because happiness is the inner concomitant of neat harmonies body, spirit and society; -and these neat harmonies are bound to be infrequent. REINHOLD NlEBUHR, THE IRONY OF

American History.

Business before pleasure ♦

Early 1800s Maxim

One of the earliest sayings relating business and pleasure is found in The Country Wife (1675) by English Restoration dramatist William Wycherley. A business-minded husband says to his pleasure-loving wife: "Go to your business, pleasure, whilst I go to my pleasure, business." The expression is not about putting business before pleasure, but what constitutes pleasure for different people. Wycherley attempted in his plays to reconcile his personal conflict between a deep-seated Puritanism and an ardent physical desire. As a satirist, he was admired by his peers as one appointed "to lash this crying age."

Thomas Hutchinson (1711-1780), royal governor of Massachusetts Bay Colony whose actions helped precipitate colonial unrest and eventually the American Revolution, wrote: "Pleasure should always give way to business." In other words, business before pleasure. Son of a wealthy mer-

chant, who devoted himself to numerous business ventures, he would put pleasure second.

In 1800, a year before he became vice president of the United States, Aaron Burr wrote to a friend: "The rule of my life is to make business a pleasure, and pleasure my business." One of the chief prosecutors at Burr's trial for treason, for which he was acquitted, penned a version in 1816 closer to the modern wording: "Business first, and then pleasure, is my mono."

.Another modern-sounding version was written by American jurist Nathan Clifford in a letter in 1834: "Business before parties is my motto."

Another maxim warns against putting business too far ahead of pleasure: "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." It has been traced as far back as James Howell's Paroimiographia: Proverbs, or, Old Sayed Sawes & Adages (1659).

Contentment is happiness, pleasure has a sting in its tail ♦

Ancient Chinese proverb

There is a difference between happiness and pleasure. We speak of the happiness of a marriage, but the pleasure of an orgasm. We'd never say that an orgasm made us happy. Happiness, we say, is an experience that is less intense, more stable and enduring; a nonsensual sensation generated from within oneself, perhaps the by-product of the pursuit of a worthy cause. Pleasure, on the other hand, is usually generated by some outside agent, a person or a thing. Pleasure can be quite spontaneous, is sensual in nature, and can peak quickly—and fade even faster. Pleasure is an end in itself. Happiness is a journey toward a goal.

Religions tends to associate "happiness" with the joy of God and consistent moral conduct, and "pleasure," in general, with sins of the flesh. Some parts of the Old Testament view pleasure in a favorable light, specifically in Proverbs and the Song of Songs. But New Testament writings, especially those of Paul, view pleasure—and all of the delights of the human senses—with deep suspicion.

The Chinese proverb "contentment is happiness, pleasure has a sting in

143

Words to Live By

its tail" has an American equivalent: "No pleasure without pain"—implying that pleasure, because it is sensual and fleeting, can leave a sting that pains the senses.

Five critics of pleasure:

A longing after sensual pleasures is a dissolution of the spirit of a man. JEREMY Taylor, Holy Living, 1650.

The ridiculous chase after imaginary pleasures cannot be sufficiently exposed, as it is the greatest source of those evils which generally undo a nation. JOSEPH

Addison, d. 1719; Selections from The Spectator.

The liberty of using harmless pleasure will not be disputed, but it is still to be examined what pleasures are harmless. SAMUEL JOHNSON, RASSELAS, 1759.

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it . . . Pleasure is always before us; but misfortune is at our side; while running after that, this arrests us. THOMAS JEFFERSON, TO MARIA COSWAY, October 12, 1786.

/ took pleasure where it pleased me, and passed on. I forgot that every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character. . . I allowed pleasure to dominate me. I ended in horrible disgrace. OSCAR WlLDE, "De Pro-FUNDIS," 1896; WRITING FROM PRISON, JAILED FOR HOMOSEXUAL DALLIANCES.

Happiness is realizing there's always someone less fortunate than you ♦

Aesop; 6 th Century B.C.E.

^/""psychologists c ^ m tnat a major reason why people enjoy reading the JL tabloids, particularly stories of scandals and others' misfortunes, is that it makes the reader feel better about his or her own life. "God, at least I'm not that down and out." "I'm not that depressed. Compared to them I'm pretty well off." Aesop realized this centuries ago and embodied the

Life's a bowl of cherries idea in his fable "The Hares and the Frogs."

For a long time the hares had believed themselves to be the most persecuted of all the animals. Everyone was their enemy, they said. Everyone chased them and ate them. No one was afraid of hares, while hares were afraid of everyone.

One day, when the prospect looked especially bleak, they came to a sad resolution; there was nothing left for them to do but take their own lives, one and all. So off they hopped to a nearby lake, determined to throw themselves into the water to be drowned.

But at their approach to the water a school of frogs, seated on the shore, spotted the racing hares, took fright, and dove into the lake, hiding under water.

"Hold up!" shouted the hare who was in the lead. "Let us not be to too hasty. Perhaps our case is not so desperate after all, for here are some poor creatures even more fainthearted than ourselves. "

moral: Happiness is realizing there's always some less fortunate than you.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence ♦

Antiquity to 1956

Other people always seem happier and better off than you are, so says this "envy" proverb. The original idea, if not the wording, can be found in the influential poetry of Ovid (43 B.C.E.-17 C.E.), a Roman writer immensely popular in his day and appreciated for his verse in elegiac couplets: Fertilior seges est alenis semper in agris, "The harvest is always more fruitful in another man's fields."

English writer Richard Taverner in his anthology of Erasmus's adages (1539) said nearly the same thing: "The corne in an other mans grounde semeth euer more fertyll and plentyfull then doth oure owne."

Anglo-Welsh writer James Howell, known for his lively essays—and penchant to plagiarize—rendered the expression in his 1659 collection of

Words to Live By

proverbs as: "My neighbours goat gives more milk then mine."

Scores of variations exist, but the modern version is surprisingly recent,

dating from 1956 and quoted in the play titled, fittingly, The Grass Is

Greener.

Four thoughts on happiness:

If we only wanted to be happy it would he easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is almost always difficult, since we think them happier than they are. CHARLES DE MONTESQUIEU, FRENCH POLITICAL THEORIST.

Some people cause happiness wherever they go; other whenever they go. Maxim.

We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, PLAYWRIGHT, in "Candida."

If you wish to be happy for an hour, get intoxicated. If you wish to be happy for three days, get married. If you wish to be happy for eight days, kill your pig and eat it. But if you wish to be happy forever, become a gardener CHINESE PROVERB.

Aristotle's three truths concerning happiness ♦

Greece, 4 th Century B.C.E.

^"ristotle (384-322 B.C.E.), Greek philosopher, logician, and sci-K^*sJ. entist, influenced the content of Western civilization perhaps more than any other thinker. The son of the court physician to the king of Macedonia, he was introduced to Greek medicine and biology at an early age and went on to tutor the future Alexander the Great. Of his many works, his monumental Nicomachean Ethics contains his wisdom concerning happiness:

1. Happiness depends upon ourselves.

By deliberately choosing to live a moral life, said the philosopher, a person develops a strong and virtuous character, which is the surest route to a happy life. For Aristotle, "happiness is character."

2. Happiness is an expression of the soul in considered actions.

Moral and ethical actions lead directly to human happiness. These are actions generated from deep within the soul's storehouse of virtuous things; for Aristotle, all virtues reside in the soul. Material things, which of course can never reside in the soul—only in the outside world—cannot bring happiness, only temporary pleasure.

3. Different men seek after happiness in different ways and by different means, and so make for themselves different modes of life and forms of government.

The way an individual goes after happiness—by doing good works or by the greedy acquisition of wealth—shapes his or her character and, on a larger scale, contributes to the form of government one participates in, and, ultimately, lives under.

What three other philosophers have said:

Morality is not properly the doctrine of how we may make ourselves happy, but how we may make ourselves worthy of happiness. IMMANUEL Kant, CRITIQUE of Practical Reason.

It would be a great thing if people could be brought to realize that they can never add to the sum of their happiness by doing wrong. JOHN LUBBOCK, The Pleasures of Life, 1887.

The past and present are only our means; the future is always our end. Thus we never really live, but only hope to live. Always looking forward to being happy. Blaise Pascal, French physicist, philosopher.

Halcyon days ♦

Happy times Remembered for their peace, contentment and perfection; 1540

147

Words to Live By

T /alcyon was the Greek name for the kingfisher, a crested, brightly A A colored, seafaring bird with a short tail and a long, stout, sharp bill.

According to legend, Halcyone, goddess of the wind, was grief-stricken on learning that her husband had drowned when his ship was wrecked in a storm. Spotting his floating body, she hurled herself into the sea and drowned next to him. The gods took pity on her and reversed the double tragedy, restoring both Halcyone and her husband, Ceyx, king of Trachis, to life—transforming them into kingfishers, so that they might live happily together as birds of the sea.

The gods promised the bird couple that each season when they hatched their eggs in nests, made of fishbones floating on the sea, the wind would be held back and the sea remain serenely calm. It was said that the seven days preceding the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, was the time used by kingfishers to build their nests on the water, and the seven days afterward were devoted to hatching their young.

In truth, kingfishers nest in tunnels besides riverbanks, not on the ocean. However, they frequently line their nests with fishbones, which ties in with the ancient belief. And, too, the Mediterranean is usually calm around the time of the solstice. Hence, "halcyon days," an expression first recorded in 1540, denotes periods of calm, contentment, and happiness.

"Thirteen virtues" for living a happy life ♦

Benjamin Franklin, 18 th -century Renaissance Man

enjamin Franklin, possibly the most famous 18th-century American after George Washington, created the fictional Poor Richard of his almanacs (written under the pseudonym Richard Saunders) to dispense advice on getting ahead in the world. Just as Franklin was beginning a long career as a politician—he was to become spokesman for the colonies in their debates with England and would have a hand in writing the Declaration of Independence—he became famous in Europe for his experiments with electricity. Impressive as Franklin's public service proved to be, it was less remarkable than his contributions to the comfort and safety of Americans in their daily life. He invented a stove (still manufactured) that gave more heat than open fireplaces. The lightning rod and bifocal eye-

Benjamin Franklin

glasses also were his ideas. Franklin saw that, by united effort, ordinary folk could enjoy amenities once available only to the wealthy, and he helped establish American institutions that are now taken for granted, including the town fire department, library, insurance company, and local hospital.

Franklin felt that there were thirteen rules to follow, or virtues to embody, that would lead to a life of goodness, health, and genuine, lasting happiness.

1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation.

2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.

149

Words to Live By

3. Order: Let al your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.

4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.

5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

6. Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.

7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly; if you speak, speak accordingly.

8. Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.

11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles or at accidents common or unavoidable.

12. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring—never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.

13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Let no Pleasure tempt thee, no Profit allure thee, no Ambition corrupt thee, no Example sway thee, no Persuasion move thee, to do anything which thou knowest to be evil; so shalt thou always live jollily; for a good Conscience is a continual Christmas. Adieu.

H-a-p-p-i-n-e-s-s = "Favored by Luck"

The word "happy" derives from the Middle English happi, which comes from the older hap, meaning "favored by luck or happenstance"—any unhappy person would approve of this derivation. An Old English verb, happan, meaning "to occur by chance," is also related to our word "happy." Centuries ago people clearly felt that the state of happiness was

not one of life's certainties but a happenstance favoring a few. An old proverb expresses a similar view: "Happiness is that small break in a lifetime of unhappiness." Even Americas Founding Fathers felt people were entitled to Life and Liberty, but only the pursuit of Happiness:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed with certain unalienable rights, and among those are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, July 4, 1776.

Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious is it. MAXIM GORKY, TheZykovs, 1914.

The word "pleasure," from the Middle English plesir, means "to please." Linguistically, if you seek "pleasure" you wish to please or to be pleased, whereas if you seek "happiness" . . . well, good luck.

Ignorance is bliss ♦

Thomas Gray, English Poet; 1742

/0m \ Taive, unworldly people are happier than knowledgeable, worldly .L V ones—at least that's what this proverb suggests. The saying implies that it is often easier to accomplish a difficult task if one starts off ignorant of the difficulties. People extremely well informed, who anticipate every possible obstacle down the road, may end up hindered by expectations.

The maxim originated with the shy and retiring English poet Thomas Gray, whose "An Elegy Written in a Country Church Yard" (1751), is one of the best known of English lyric poems. Born into a prosperous but unhappy home, Gray was the sole survivor of twelve children of a violent and abusive father and a long-suffering mother. A delicate, pensive, studious boy, he was sent to Eton at the age of eight, where he formed the "Quadruple Alliance" with three other boys who preferred poetry and classics to rowdy drinking and manly sports. When one boy, Richard

151

Words to Live By

West, a precocious poet much favored by Gray, died in 1742, Gray sank into a profound depression from which emerged his best poems: "Ode on the Spring," "Sonnet on the Death of Mr. Richard West," "Hymn to Adversity," and . . .

Yet ah! why should they know their fate, Since sorrow never comes too late, And happiness too swiftly flies? Thought would destroy their paradise. No more; where ignorance is bliss, 'Tis folly to be wise.

"On a Distant Prospect of Eton College," 1742.

Out of adversity, Gray had developed a new and mature poetic style, characterized by, as one biographer expressed it, "felicity of expression, wistful melancholy, and the ability to phrase truisms in striking, quotable lines, such as 'where ignorance is bliss, 'Tis folly to be wise.' " In a nutshell, "ignorance is bliss" suggests it's best not to know the future.

Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so ♦

John Stuart Mill (1806-1873), ethical theorist

/^Tjhilosopher, economist, and ethical theorist John Stuart Mill claimed Ji that he was superior to his contemporaries in only one area, "the ability and willingness to learn from everybody"—especially from people's mistakes.

The eldest son of the British historian, economist, and philosopher James Mill, he was educated exclusively by his father, a strict disciplinarian. By the age of eight he was reading in the original Greek the works of the historian Herodotus, the satirist Lucian, the philosopher Diogenes, the educator Isocrates, and Plato's dialogues. For run, he read in the original Greek the beast fables of Aesop and was impressed with their simplicity and poignant, ethical punch lines. Also at age eight, he became the tutor for his younger siblings and began to master Latin, soon devouring

all the classical works in that language his father could provide him with. In between his readings in Greek and Latin, he consumed volumes of history and political theory in English. For Mill, best remembered as an ethical theorist, happiness sprang from the continual pursuit of worthwhile goals. He didn't have time to be unhappy. "Ask yourself whether you are happy," said the prolific writer, "and you cease to be so."

A modern-day ethicist, John Kekes, provides a road map to achieving happiness:

Happiness cannot consist in having and doing all we want, for some of the things we want are trivial, and the urge to have them is transitory. So we might suppose instead that happiness requires the satisfaction of all that we seriously want. . .

It is notorious that there are some people who seriously want only one thing: they pursue it single-mindedly, to the exclusion of everything eke, and while they get it, their souls shrivel. Rich misers, triumphant climbers of many of life's greasy poles, successful avengers often find themselves empty once their obsessions re satisfied. . . The glittering sophistication of an inner circle may pale once the outsider is accepted.

The cost of happiness is frequently to leave some wants unsatisfied. Life forces us to choose, and happiness requires the capacity to prevent frustration from spoiling what we have. LAWRENCE AND CHARLOTTE Becker, eds., Encyclopedia of Ethics, 1992.

J-o-y = "To Rejoice"

In religious writings, happiness is often expressed by the term "joy." The word, from the Indo-European root gau, means "to rejoice." In all religions, joy is an integral part of a follower's relationship with God or the Supreme Being—and thus the source of all earthly goodness and human happiness.

In Jesus Christ's words:

These things I have spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. JOHN 15:11.

153

Words to Live By

The New Testament is not overly concerned with the earthly attainment of happiness. As the Gospels make clear, happiness is the reward that comes in the hereafter. Happiness derives from spending eternity in God's presence.

A great Islamic philosopher expressed it this way:

The Vision of God is the greatest happiness to which a person can attain. Our imprisonment in our bodies of clay and water, and our entanglement in the things of the senses, constitute a veil which hides the Vision of God from us. ABU-HAMID MUHAMMAD Al-GhaZALI.

Acknowledging that happiness comes from above, Saint Bonaventure, the most renowned theologian of the Franciscan order, suggested in the 13th century that glimpses of it can be experienced on earth:

Since happiness is nothing other than the enjoyment of the highest good, and since the highest good is Above, no one can be happy unless he rise above himself, not by an ascent of the body, but of the heart.

The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness ♦

Eric Hoffer; The Passionate State of Mind, 1955

/Everyone wants to be happy—and all of the time. No sane person seeks C out sadness as a continual state of ex.stence; even a masochist seeks pain for the pleasure it perversely provides. Philosophers over the ages have called happiness humankind's "ultimate quest." We search so hard for happiness, said American philosopher Eric Hoffer, that we make ourselves miserable.

A longshoreman and self-taught philosopher whose writings on life, power, and social order brought him celebrity, Hoffer endured an early life marked by hardship. A fall at the age of seven left him partially blind until he was fifteen, when his eyesight returned—and he began to read voraciously. The early death of his parents left him penniless, and he became a migrant farm worker in California and later a longshoreman. He

always seemed to have a book in his hand. As he moved from job to job, the only possessions he carried with him were his books.

His own first book, The True Believer (1951), which demonstrated his insights into the nature of mass movements and those who compose them, won instant critical acclaim and catapulted Hoffer into the limelight. In The Passionate State of Mind, a collection of aphorisms, he observed: "The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness." His lack of formal education and working-class background made him a popular hero. He continued as a dockworker until 1967, writing books between assignments, and in 1982 he received the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor.

Others have made observations similar to Hoffer's:

Happiness in this world, when it comes, comes incidentally. Make it the object of pursuit, and it leads us on a wild-goose chase and is never attained. Follow some other object, and very possibly we may find that we have caught happiness without dreaming of it. NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE, PASSAGES FROM THE

American Notebooks.

If only wed stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time. EDITH

Wharton, author.

When one door of happiness closes another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. HELEN Keller, We Bereaved, 1929.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. MARK TWAIN, HUMORIST.

Modern mans happiness consists in the thrill of looking at the shop windows, and in buying all that he can afford to buy, either for cash or on installments. Erich Fromm, German-born American psychoanalyst, The Art of Loving, 1956.

Put on a happy face ♦

iSS

Words to Live By

Song title from the I960 musical Bye, Bye, Birdie; lyrics by Lee Adams

C7 f) J n ^ e campaigning for the presidency in 1948, Harry Truman is re-%JL/ puted to have asked a man in the crowd how he intended to vote. "Mr. Truman," shouted the man, "I wouldn't vote for you if yours was the only name on the ballot!" Truman turned to his aide and said, "Put that man down as doubtful."

Truman was expressing "optimism," from the Latin optimus, meaning "the best." The campaigner was hoping for "the best" outcome. The English word originated in 1759 along with the philosophy of "optimism," which claimed that this world is the best possible world. An optimist sees "the best" in everything. For the optimist, the glass is half full, not half empty, a maxim of unknown origin. An optimist views gardening as the growing of flowers; a pessimist sees gardening as the burying of seeds. An optimist need not "put on" a happy face—the title of a hit song from the Elvis Presley-inspired 1960 musical comedy Bye, Bye, Birdie (music by Charles Strouse)—since he or she has fortunately been blessed with one. From two wits:

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. JAMES BRANCH CABELL, NOVELIST, ESSAYIST, THE

Silver Stallion, 1926.

'Twist the optimist and pessimist The difference is droll; The optimist sees the doughnut But the pessimist sees the hole. McLandburgh Wilson, "Optimist and the Pessimist."

Psychiatrists believe that optimistic and pessimist dispositions are, to a large degree, biologically determined. Some people seem to be born with a cheery, positive personality, while others display negativity from an early age. When an optimist is having a bad day, he thinks tomorrow will be

better. When a pessimist is having a good day, he thinks life's an illusion.

Plato, in The Republic, discussed the blessing of an optimistic nature and the curse of a pessimistic attitude:

He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition, youth and age are equally a burden.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone ♦

Horace, Roman poet; I st century B.C.E.

rhe above maxim advises anyone who wishes to be popular and have many friends to "put on a happy face." People are attracted to laughter—it is contagious—and repelled by tears. The wisdom, if not the exact wording, was first expressed by the Roman poet Horace known for his odes, in Ars Poetica (c. 13 B.C.E.): Ut ridentibus arrident, ita flentibus adsunt humani voltus, "Men's faces laugh seeing those who laugh, and weep seeing those that weep."

The modern wording was rendered by American poet Ella Wheeler Wilcox, who for years wrote a daily poem published by a syndicate of newspapers:

Laugh and the world laughs with you; Weep and you weep alone; For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth, But has trouble enough of its own.

"Solitude," New York Sun,

February 23, 1883

Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go ♦

American witticism, 20 th century

*57

Words to Live By

Sp tudies have shown that optimists laugh frequently, pessimists hardly f) ever—and, interestingly, the pattern can be detected at an early age. This is significant from a health standpoint since "laughter is the best medicine"—a maxim of unknown origin. Equally unfortunate for pessimists is that well-known fact that "he laughs best who laughs last," a maxim that suggests minor setbacks don't matter—the end result is what counts. The saying has been traced back to John Heywood's 1546 book of proverbs.

Optimists and pessimists deal differently with stress, a pessimist by angrily venting his emotions, by giving up on the dilemma at hand, or by denying that a problem exists. Pessimists are at a greater risk for poor health, depression, and suicide. An optimist copes with stress either by taking action to resolve the dilemma or by seeking the support of friends or family to assist through the difficult period. A positive, hopeful outlook on life diminishes one's risk of mental and physical disease.

An optimist realizes that "you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs," a maxim first found in Audi Alteram Partem (1859), by T Perronet Thompson.

An optimist can view a catastrophic event as "a blessing in disguise," a maxim popular in the early 18 th century.

A pessimist sneers, "Don't wish too hard, you might just get what you wished for," a saying that arose in England in the 1830s.

For an optimist, life's all peaches and cream; for the pessimist it's sour apples—two British phrases popular in the 19 ch century.

Three thoughts on the matter:

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. HELEN Keller.

Everybody, my friend, everybody lives for something better to come. That's why we want to be considerate of every man — Who knows what's in him, why he was born and what he can do? MAXIM GORKY, RUSSIAN NOVELIST, THE Lower Depths, 1902.

The happiness which we receive from ourselves is greater than that which we

obtain from our surroundings. The world in which a man lives shapes itself chiefly by the way in which he looks at it. ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER, ESSAYS, 1841.

Life is just a bowl of cherries ♦

Hit song title, 1931

(~~T^o an optimist, daily living is sweet and easy, and, in general, life is as Jl delectable, and goes down as easily, as sweet, ripe cherries. The saying originated in the Broadway show George Whites Scandals, and the song, "Life Is Just a Bowl of Cherries (Don't Take It Serious)," was introduced by Ethel Merman. The Great Depression was worsening, more American were out of work, yet the song climbed high on the billboard charts. On its heels was another optimistic title, "Wrap Your Troubles in Dreams, and Dream Your Troubles Away." Both songs shared the limelight with another big hit, "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?"

Today the saying is used with heavy irony, as in Erma Bombeck's best-selling book If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? (1978).

Earlier writers stated that life was "sweet":

• I tell myself that we are a long time underground, / And that life is short, but sweet. EURIPIDES, GREEK PLAYWRIGHT, IN ALCESTIS, C. 438 B.C.E.

• This life is all sweet. PATIENCE, C. 1350.

• Life is sweet to everyone. GEORGE PETTIE, I6 r// -CENTURY ROMANCE WRITER.

Three thoughts on life and happiness:

What everyone wants from life is continuous and genuine happiness. BARUCH

Spinoza, philosopher.

To fill the hour, that is happiness; to fill the hour, and leave no crevice for a repentance or an approval. RALPH WALDO EMERSON, ESSAYS, 1844.

iS9

Words to Live By

Charles Dickens at 25.

The past and present are only our means; the future is always our end. Thus we never really live, but only hope to live. Always looking forward to being happy. Blaise Pascal, French physicist, philosopher.

Life is no bed of roses ♦

Charles Dickens; Oliver Twist, 1838

^~~_ or man y people, life is not easy: it provides little pleasure and less .1, happiness. The latter part of this maxim, "bed of roses," had been popular in the 17 th century as a metaphor for any luxurious or desirable circumstance, the reference being to a bed of silky soft red petals. Anything one desired could be compared with a comfortable bed of silky soft petals.

English religious poet Francis Quarles used the phrase in Emblems (1635): "And he repents in horns, that sleeps in beds of roses." "Emblems," popular at the time, were books of pictures accompanied by maxims and prose commentary. Quarles, a wealthy man who preferred living in scholarly seclusion, enjoyed such a success with Emblems that he followed it with a similar book, Hieroglyphics of the Life of Man (1638). The two were printed in a single volume in 1639, which became the most popular book of verses of the 17 th century.

Life's a bowl of cherries

In the next century, American attorney and statesman John Jay, a founding father, used the maxim: "Patriots seldom rest on beds of roses." Jay himself was not one to rest on beds of roses or on his laurels. As the first chief justice of the Supreme Court (1789-1795), he established important judicial precedents and negotiated Jay's Treaty of 1794, which settled major grievances with Great Britain and promoted commercial prosperity at home.

Charles Dickens gave us the modern version in Oliver Twist. "A parochial life is not a bed of roses."

The two expressions "Life is just a bowl of cherries" and "Life is no bed of roses" are the mottoes of optimists and pessimists, respectively. A modern-day philosopher contrasts the two types: "Pessimists view humans as basically selfish, aggressive, and cruel. They believe that people are governed by aggressive, even death-seeking instincts. Optimists view humans as basically good, helpful, and cooperative. They believe that people are basically decent and life-affirming. Pessimists assume nothing will work out because people cannot be trusted; optimists assume that everything will work out, because people will ultimately behave well."

Three thoughts:

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball,

And that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

Ogden Nash, humorist,

in I'm a Stranger Here Myself.

Happiness, to some, elation; Is, to others, mere stagnation. Days of passive somnolence, At its wildest, indolence. Amy Lowell, "Happiness. "

Remember: happiness is a way to travel — not a destination. ROY M. GOODMAN.

Words to Live By

/<?//« Howard Payne's home was his castle.

Home, sweet home ♦

Song title, lyrics by John Howard Payne; 1823

T f appiness is often associated with home, hearth, and family, even JL .£ more so in times of war when troops are miserable and long to be home. Millions of soldiers during the Civil War took comfort in the song "Home, Sweet Home." It had been written four decades earlier by American actor and playwright John Howard Payne, with music most likely by Henry Rowley Bishop. It debuted in the opera Clari: or, the Maid of Milan, presented at Covent Garden, London, in 1823. Three leading divas—Adelina Patti, Jenny Lind, and Nellie Melba—helped make the song famous and the phrase "home, sweet home" familiar. The American-born Payne, a precocious actor and writer—he wrote his first play, Julia: or, The Wanderer, when he was fifteen—found that the English appreciated him more than Americans. His finest play, Brutus: or, The Fall of Tarquin (1818), used the same Payne formula for its title. The song he's remembered for:

The kitchen of Payne's "home, sweet home. "

'Mid pleasures and places though we may roam,

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home;

A charm from the skies seems to hallow us there,

Which sought through the world is ne'er met with elsewhere.

An exile from home splendor dazzles in vain,

Oh give me my lowly thatched cottage again;

The birds singing gayly, that came at my call,

Give me them, and that peace of mind dearer to all.

Home is where the heart is ♦

James J. McCloskey, playwright; 1870

/ "7V T° matter now wonderful a trip may be, it's always good to get JL V home. The expression has been traced back to Across the Continent, an 18/0 play by James J. McCloskey (collected in Davy Crockett & Other Plays, 1940, by Isaac Goldberg and Hubert Heffner), where two charac-

i*3

Words to Live By

ters exchange the dialogue: "As I'm to become an intimate of your home, give me a sort of panoramic view". . . . "Well, home, they say, is where the heart is."

Two years later Oliver Wendell Holmes, remembered for stating the concept of "clear and present danger" as the only acceptable basis for limiting free speech, wrote in Homesick in Heaven (1872): "Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."

A man's home is his castle ♦

Sir Edward Coke (1552-1634), British jurist

sjT man—or woman—is safest from harm in the confines of his— Vw*/2 or ner —° wn fortress: home. Not only are you the boss of your home, but no one can enter your home without your permission. The maxim was popularized by British jurist and politician Sir Edward Coke, whose defense of the supremacy of common law against Stuart claims for royal authority influenced the development of English law and constitutional government. Coke made the home of ordinary folk safer than it had ever been—the poor man's castle. He was fond of saying: "For a man's house is his castle, et domus sua cuique tutissimum refugium [one's home is the safest refuge for all]." Lexicographers believe he may have gotten the expression from a book of the period, The Stage of Popish Toys (1581).

CHAPTER

A friend in need

is a friend

indeed

FRIENDSHIP

& Loyalty

definition: Attachment between two people, characterized by mutual affection, esteem, and goodwill.

word origin: From the Middle English freond, meaning "lover"or "companion."

significance: Friends are one of life's greatest pleasures. They can have a significant influence on one's behavior, decision-making, self-esteem, and overall pursuit of happiness in life.

related virtues: Love, goodness, loyalty, forgiveness, sympathy, empathy.

opposite traits: Loneliness, low self-esteem, loss of empathy.

A friend in need is a friend indeed ♦

Plautus, Roman comic dramatist; Epidicus, 200 B.C.E.

The depth of friendship and loyalty is tested in times of crisis, so says the maxim. It's easy to be friends in good times; hardship show us who our real friends are.

This truth, though not the modern wording, was expressed as a maxim by Quintus Ennius, Roman epic poet and satirist, the most influential of early Latin poets and the "father of Roman Literature." In Hecuba (c. 180 B.C.E.), named after the wife of Priam in Homer's Iliad, he wrote: "A sure friend is known in unsure circumstances."

Around the same time, Roman comic dramatist Plautus in Epidicus (200 B.C.E.), came close to the modern wording: "There is nothing more friendly to a man than a friend in need." This is usually cited as the origin of the modern phrase.

The maxim was reworked by popular Roman writer Petronius Arbiter in his hedonistic, picaresque novel Satyricon liber (c. 60 C.E.), "Book of Satyrlike Adventures." The long novel, of which only parts survive, was a literary portrait of Roman society, depicting the low-life slumming, trans-vestitism, and bisexual debaucheries relished by the emperor Nero and his court. One character, the rich vulgarian Trimalchio, who hosts a bacchanalian feast, clearly was based on the emperor, a friend of the author. In the episodic story, carousing male friends often found themselves in dangerous situations, and on friendship Petronius observed: "In tight places one's true friends are apparent."

The earliest (Old) English version of the maxim appeared around 1035: "Aet thearfe man sceal freonda cunnian"—"A friend shall be known in time of need."

Another early English version was printed in Proverbs of Alfred (c. 1300): "A such fere pe is help n mode"—"In need a good friend is of help."

Gaining in popularity over the next few centuries, the maxim appeared in several collections of proverbs, and in many novels where friends found their friendship tested by hardships. One rhyming variation, "A friend thou art in deede, / That helps thy friend in time of nipping neede," ap-

A friend in need is a friend indeed

peared in His Denises (1581), by Richard Barnfield, a writer of sonnets.

The modern wording first appeared in John Ray's A Collection of English Proverbs, (1670): "A friend in need is a friend indeed."

Over the years, an interesting and subtle spin has been put on the maxim by writers who played with the sayings' final adverb, "indeed," meaning "truly," "certainly": "A friend in need is a friend in deed." With the adverb split into a preposition and a noun, the maxim resembles in meaning "Actions speak louder than words."

Four thoughts on friendship:

Your friend is that person who know all about you, and still likes you. ENGLISH Proverb.

The friendship that can come to an end, never really began. SYRUS PUBILIUS, Moral Saying, 1 st Century b.c.e.

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity. KAHLIL GlBRAN, SPIRITUAL WRITER.

There is nothing worth the wear of winning, But laughter and the love of friends. HlLAIRE BELLOC, DEDICATORY ODE.

He winds up friendless who plays both sides against the middle •

Aesop; 6 th Century B.C.E.

The proverb warns that we should not pit friends against one another for our own benefit. When we abuse one friendship, and word gets around, we risk loosing all friendships. Aesop rendered the wisdom as the moral to his fable "The Birds, the Beasts, and the Bat":

Once upon a time, war broke out between the birds and the beasts of the earth. For a long while the issue of the battle was uncertain. The bat, taking advantage of the fact that he had certain characteristics of both, kept aloof and remained neutral.

Words to Live By

The birds said, "Come with us. " But the bat shook his head and said, "I am a beast. " Later some of the animals approached him and asked him to join their side. "I am a bird, " he said.

In due course, a peace was concluded between the embattled birds and beasts. So the bat flew blithely up to the birds to join them in their rejoicing. But the birds gave him the cold shoulder and flew away. And the beasts gave him exactly the same treatment.

Condemned by both sides and acknowledged by neither, the unhappy bat was obliged to skulk away and live in holes and corners, never caring to show his face except in the dusk of twilight.

moral: He winds up friendless who plays both sides against the middle.

Good fences make good neighbors ♦

Robert Frost; "Mending Wall," 1914

K^/Vl with

"ending Wall," one of Robert Frost's best-loved poems, opens the imaginatively inverted sentence "Something there is that doesn't love a wall," and closes with the maxim: "He says again, 'Good fences make good neighbors.' " But people have been worrying about the proximity of neighbors for centuries, and suggesting that fences are a good way to divide property and maintain friendships.

In the 8 th century B.C.E., when the world had fewer people and neighbors erected fences of stone, the Greek poet Hesiod advised: "A bad neighbor is as great a plague as a good one is a blessing." A fence, or formal boundary, said Hesiod, was a necessity between feuding neighbors.

One of the earliest English proverbs to combine the idea of fences and neighbors appeared in George Herbert's Jacula Prudentum (1640): "Love your neighbor, yet pull not down your hedge." Benjamin Franklin included this gem in Poor Richards Almanack (1754).

A lengthier version appeared in a letter to an American colonist in 1640: "A good fence helpeth to keepe peace between neighbours; but let us take heed that we make not a high stone wall to keepe us from meeting."

A friend in need is a friend indeed

An amusing variation appeared in Proverbial Folk-Lore (1875), by Alan B. Cheales: "A hedge between keeps friendships green."

American Presidents on Friendship

A visitor to the White House once asked President Abraham Lincoln, "What is your definition of a friend?"

Lincoln stroked his beard reflectively then answered, "One who has the same enemies you have." Lincoln's answer is the equivalent of an old Arabic proverb: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

What presidents have said:

A slender acquaintance with the world must convince every man that actions, not words, are the true criterion of the attachment to friends. GEORGE WASHINGTON, 1779.

True friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation. GEORGE WASHINGTON, 1783.

An injured friend is the bitterest of foes. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1793.

I find friendship to be like wine, raw when new, ripened with age, the true old mans mdk and restorative cordial. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 181 1.

/ never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. THOMAS JEFFERSON.

The loss of enemies does not compensate for the loss of friends. ABRAHAM LINCOLN, 1862.

/ do not intend to be bullied by my enemies, or over-awed by my friends. ANDREW JOHNSON, 1866.

You must act in your friends interest whether it pleases him or not; the object

Words to Live By

Warren G. Harding.

of love is to serve, not to win. WOODROW WILSON, 1907.

You cannot be friends upon any other terms than upon the terms of equality. You cannot befriends at all except upon the terms of honor. WOODROW WILSON, 1913.

There is one thing that holds nations together, if you exclude force, and that is friendship and good will. WOODRCW WILSON, 1919.

/ can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends, my goddamn friends. They're the ones that keep me walking the floor nights. WARREN G. Harding.

It's often said, especially in self-help books, that a person must first be his or her own best friend; that is, we must be true to ourselves before we can be honest with others. Lincoln, in his "Reply to the Missouri Committee of Seventy," in 1864 expressed that sentiment this way:

/ desire to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end, when I come to lay down the reins of power, I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend

A friend in need is a friend indeed shall be down inside me.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder ♦

Sextus Propertius, Roman poet; Elegies, c. 26 B.C.E.

/^•ong absences increase feelings of friendship and love—so says this *L frequently quoted proverb, which originated with Sextus Propertius, the greatest elegiac poet of ancient Rome.

The maxim has an interesting story behind it. The first of Propertius's four books of elegies was called Cynthia (29 B.C.E.), named after its heroine, his mistress, whose real name was Hostia. Perhaps she was a courtesan, or a patrician—historians aren't sure. The book was an immediate success, and the newly famous poet, already a womanizer, took on additional mistresses, while keeping Cynthia. From Propertius's writings, she emerges as beautiful, passionate, uninhibited, and intensely jealous of her rivals. Propertius makes it clear that, even when seeking pleasures apart from Cynthia, he still loved her deeply and returned to her full of remorse and with even more ardent love—absence made his heart grow fonder.

Cynthia apparently bought the line, over and over again. Their on-again, off-again relationship was tumultuous by any measure. The poet expressed how absences affect the heart with these words: semper in ab-sentes felicior aestus amantes, "Always in absent lovers love's tide flows stronger." At some point he seems to have broken off the affair, and after Cynthia's death at a young age, he expressed regrets in a poem that he had treated her badly, not even attending her funeral. He conjures up her ghost and with it re-creates both the glamour and shabbiness of their affair, claiming that since her death—a permanent absence—his heart has grown even fonder for her.

Centuries later, Shakespeare in The Merchant of Venice endorses the sentiment when he has Portra confess: "I dote upon his very absence."

The precise modern wording first appeared as the opening line in an anonymous English poem in the collection Poetical Rhapsody (1602). However, it was British musician and lyricist Thomas Haynes Bayly, in the song "Isle of Beauty Fare Thee Well" (c. 1839), and later in a book by that title, who popularized the maxim in Victorian drawing rooms.

Words to Live By

Three international proverbs express similar wisdom:

• A little absence does much good. FRENCH PROVERB.

• Love your neighbor, but do not visit every day. GERMAN PROVERB.

• Go to your brother's house, but not every day. SPANISH PROVERB.

Out of sight, out of mind ♦

Homer, Greek poet: Odyssey, 9 th century B.C.E.

r"T^his proverb has been traced back to Homer's Odyssey (9 th century J. B.C.E.): "Out of sight, out of remembrance." If you do not see someone for a long period of time, you may well forget the person. Today this phrase is used not just in reference to people but also to problems, disagreeable tasks, and situations one wants to avoid. A messy, overstuffed closet? Just shut the door.

Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius repeated the wisdom, in the context of death, in his Meditations (c. 174 C.E.): "As soon as the breath is out of their bodies, it is 'Out of sight, out of mind.' "

The first appearance in English was in Proverbs of Alfred (c. 1300): "For he that is ute bi-loken [absent], he is inne sone [soon] for-geten." One of the earliest English collections of moral precepts, the manuscript was used in monasteries to teach novices English-to-Latin translation, and later in schools of rhetoric. It was popular among priests preparing effective sermons through the use of simple homilies.

With such friends, one hardly needs enemies ♦

United States, 1920s

This maxim points out that false friends are worse than enemies. An insincere friend, privy to one's most personal confidences, can do far more damage than a remote enemy.

The saying appears to be of recent origin, first recorded in the United States in the 1920s. Even then it was rendered in variations: "With friends like that, who needs enemies," or "With family like that, one doesn't need enemies." As the phrase has increasingly been used in newspapers and

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Elizabeth I.

magazines, the word "friends" has been replaced with appropriate variations: "colleagues," "business partners," "fans," "senators." A contemporary example:

President Kennedy was reported to be shocked and dismayed by the murders. But Madame Nhu, still in the United States, accused him of having incited the coup. Said the Tiger Lady, "Ifyou have the Kennedy administration for an ally, you don't need any enemy. "Victor Lasky, It Didn't Start with Watergate, 1977.

Save us from our friends ♦

Queen Elizabeth I (1533-1603)

£">ave us from our friends," which is related in sentiment to the above <^j maxim, was popularized by Elizabeth I, queen of England from 1558 to 1603. Her kingdom was threatened by many internal conflicts, so she had many false friends who courted her favor but actually opposed her. But through her shrewdness, courage, and majestic self-display, she inspired ardent loyalty and unified the nation against its enemies. In Eliz-

'73

Words to Live By

!)

!

i

. •_ I/.-. I .V-I. ■-■.

Aesop's "The Hen and the Fox. "

abeth I and her Parliaments (1957), biographer J. E. Neale quotes her as saying: "There is an Italian proverb which saith, From my enemy let me defend myself; but from a pretensed friend, good Lord deliver me." Apparently, the sentiment "save us from our friends" was already commonplace in Italy.

French writer Voltaire (1694-1778) had his own favorite variation: "God, protect me from my friends, I'll take care of my enemies myself."

Beware of insincere friends ♦

Aesop; 6 th Century B.C.E.

This maxim, related to the previous two entries, derives from Aesop's fable "The Hen and the Fox":

A fox was out looking for a late supper. He came to a hen house, and through the open door he could see a hen high up on a perch, safe from his reach.

Here, thought the fox, was a case for diplomacy — that or go hungry.

A friend in need is a friend indeed

So he said to his intended supper, his voice a little anxious:

"Hello, there, friend. I haven't seen you around lately. Somebody told he you had a sick spell, and I was sincerely worried about you. That's why I stopped around. God, you look pale as a ghost. If you just step down, I'll take your pulse and look at your tongue. I'm afraid you are in for quite a siege. "

"You never said a truer word, dear fox, " replied the hen. "It will have to be a siege, for I am in such a state that if I were to climb down to where you are, I'm afraid it would be the death of me. " moral: Beware of insincere fiends.

Women on Friendship

Friendship is by its very nature freer of deceit than any other relationship we can know. It is the bond least affected by striving for power, physical pleasure, or material profit, most liberated from any oath of duty or of constancy. Francine du Plessix Gray, author.

Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. ELEANOR ROOSEVELT, FIRST LADY, IN

Ladies' Home Journal, 1944.

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ANAIS NlN, DIARIST.

It is the friends you can call up at 4 AM. that matter. MaRLENE DIETRICH, ACTRESS.

Friendship is like putting on pantyhose. You have to get one foot in and then the other, and wiggle around and tug until you get it right. SUSAN SAINT James, actress, TV Guide, 1986.

Business, you know, may bring money, but friendship hardly ever does. JANE

Words to Live By

Austen, Emma, 1816.

My friends are my estate. EMILY DICKINSON, POET.

Even when the affections are not strongly moved by any superior excellence, the companions of our childhood always possess a certain power over our minds which hardly any later friend can obtain. MARY SHELLEY, IN Frankenstein, 1818.

Only friends will tell you the truths you need to hear to make the last part of your life bearable. FRANCINE DU PLESSIX GRAY, AUTHOR.

And what a delight it is to make friends with someone you have despised! COLETTE, WRITER.

/ always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing. KATHERINE MANSFIELD, AUTHOR.

My friends, there are no friends. COCO CHANEL, CLOTHING DESIGNER.

/ have lost friends, some by death . . . others by sheer inability to cross the street. VIRGINIA WOOLF, THE WAVES, 1931.

I felt shelter to speak to you. EMILY DICKINSON, IN A LETTER TO MABEL

LoomisTodd, 1878.

It is prudent to pour the oil of delicate politeness upon the machinery of friendship. COLETTE.

/ have always made a distinction between my friends and my confidants. I enjoy the conversation of the former; from the latter I hide nothing. EDITH PlAF, SINGER.

An old friend and a close confidant are not always the same person. Victorian novelist George Eliot (pseudonym of Mary Ann Evans), who

A friend in need is a friend indeed

developed the method of psychological analysis that is characteristic of modern fiction—and penned that onetime high school reading staple Silas Marner (1861)—wrote about female friendship in her masterpiece Middlemarch (1871):

She found to her surprise that an old friend is not always the person whom it is easiest to make a confidant of: there was the barrier of remembered communication under other circumstances — there was the dislike of being pitied and informed by one who had been long wont to allow her the superiority.

A dog is man's best friend ♦

United States, early 1900s

^T~-vogs were domesticated thousands of years ago and have long been l^y man's best friend. In fact, the dog's natural affinity for humans led to its domestication. Packs of dogs hung around human campsites to eat scraps of food, and the friendliest of them probably helped humans hunt prey and were rewarded with meaty bones. Many an early human must have said something like "that dog's my best friend"—though the word

Man's best friend. "Canine" was once synonymous with "loyalty. "

Words to Live By

"dog," from the Old English docga, dates only to sometime before the 12 th century.

No one knows what dogs were called in prehistory. The Romans called the animal canis, something equivalent to "hound." For a time, "canine" was synonymous with "loyalty." Dogs were so naturally friendly and loyal that centuries ago they were christened with the Latin name Canis famil-iaris.

English author Anthony Horneck, in 77?^ Crucified Jesus (1686), coined the British maxim "The dog teaches thee fidelity."

English poet Alexander Pope (1688-1744) expressed the sentiments contained in "dog is man's best friend" when he wrote: "Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends."

Another English poet, Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834), expressed his own great love of dogs this way: "The dog alone, of all brute animals, has an affection upwards to man."

An emotional speech about dogs by a lawyer, Missouri senator George G. Vest, helped win a court case in 1876. One farmer had killed another farmer's dog, "his best friend," because the animal had mangled some domestic fowl. Vest, arguing for the prosecution, addressed the judge and jury saying, "The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog." The killer was convicted.

The modern wording of the saying appeared in the United States in the early 1900s. Three examples:

I have often heard it said that a dog is the best friend a man can have. VICTOR Bridges, The Girl in Black, 1926.

Truly, the dog was man's best friend. DOROTHY GARDINER, THE TRANSATLANTIC G HOST, 1933.

"A dog, " the Boss said, "is man's best friend. Only Buck, he's the best friend I ever had." Robert Penn Warren, All the King's Men, 1946.

A friend in need is a friend indeed He who has many friends has no friends ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

I

n "The Hare with Many Friends" Aesop expressed the wisdom that when it comes to friendship, quantity can diminish quality:

There once was a hare who had so many friends in the forest and the field that she truly felt herself to be the most popular member of the animal kingdom. "I am loved by one and all, " she boasted.

One day she heard a pack of hounds approaching. Why should a popular creature like me have to run for my life? she said to herself. So she went to a horse, and asked him to carry her away from the hounds on his back.

"There is nothing I would rather do, friend hare," said the horse, "but, unfortunately, right now I have some important work to do for my master. However, a popular creature like you should have no difficulty in getting someone to help you. "

Then the hare went a bull and asked him whether he would be kind enough to ward off the hounds with his horns.

"My dear friend, " replied the bull, "you know how I feel about you, and how glad I always am to be of service. But at this very moment I have an appointment with a lady. Why don't you ask our mutual friend the goat?"

But the goat was too busy too, and so was the ram, and so were the calf and the pig and the ass. Each assured the hare of his undying friendship and anxiety to aid her in her trouble, but each had some excuse which prevented him from performing the service. By this time the hounds were quite near, so the hare took to her heels — and luckily escaped.

moral: He who has many friends has no friends.

The more the merrier ♦

Early English Alliterative Poems, c. 1380

Words to Live By

T'he more the merrier," which suggests that more fun is to be had in a crowd—if you are going to have fun with people at a party, on a boat ride, or even by having children, you will have even more fun with more people. The maxim (c. 1380) first appeared in Early English Alliterative Poems "The mo the myryer, so God me blesse." It was repeated, with reservation, in John Heywood's Proverbs in the English Tongue (1546): "The mo the merier, we al daie here and se. Ye but the fewer the better fare, saied he."

Plato's Three Conditions for Perfect Friendship

The topic of friendship first entered ethical philosophy ago in the dialogues of Plato (c. 427-347 B.C.E.), specifically in Lysis. Some friendships, Plato concluded, false to their core, are based on selfish motives like utility and pleasure: your so-called friend uses you for his or her own benefit and is not truly a friend.

The highest form of friendship possible, said Plato, the most enduring and purist, fortifies the characters of both individuals and stems from three things:

1. Your perception of goodness in your friend.

This encourages you to be more like your friend, to adopt his or her best traits. You wish to emulate the person you respect and love. She contributes to a charity, so you get out your checkbook and make a contribution. He joins an athletic league to coach fatherless children, and you follow suit. Your friend's goodness rubs off on you, inspires you. Contagion, according to Plato, is the main reason to avoid friendships with "bad" people.

2. The feelings of affection that the friendship generates deep within your being.

The feelings are so good, and you wish them to last forever, that you morally deliberate your every future action, since each action will affect, favorably or adversely, your friendship. This has an all-around beneficial spin-off, said the philosopher: you are using your

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Plato.

head in all decisions, making virtuous choices in your life.

3. Mutual interests between you and your best friend.

The benefit of mutual interests is that you and your friend, a good person, spend more time together. This further strengthens the bonds of friendship, which further intensifies your effort to always "do the right thing" in your friend's presence. You will do nothing to jeopardize your friend's trust, respect, and friendship. Thus you display, and continue to develop, a strong moral character that your friend can admire.

PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP. From Plato's name we get the expression "platonic love," which dates to about 1630 and has come to mean a relationship in which sex has been either suppressed or sublimated. But the term, as originally used, was closer to Plato's own ideas: love that ascends from passion for an individual to contemplation of the universal and the ideal. That is, love for a friend that in time turns you into a philosopher.

Words to Live By

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit ♦

Aristotle; Nicomachean Ethics, 4 th century B.C.E.

^Tristotle (384-322 B.C.E.), a pupil of Plato, viewed friendship \^rJL among the highest virtues. It was an essential element in a full, virtuous, and worthwhile life. For Aristotle, there were three kinds of friendship:

1. Friendship of pleasure: two people are wonderfully happy in one another's company.

2. Friendship of utility: two people assist one another in everyday aspects of life.

3. Friendship of virtue: two people mutually admire one another and will be on best behavior in order not to jeopardize their relationship.

In the Nicomachean Ethics the philosopher said: "My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake."

14 Ancient Expressions of friendship

It is necessary to have friends, even in hell OLD SPANISH PROVERB.

To throw away an honest fiend is, as it were, to throw your life away Sophocles, Oedipus the King, c. 430 b.c.e.

A sympathetic fiend can be quite as dear as a brother. HOMER, ODYSSEY, 9 th

Century b.c.e.

Hold a true fiend with both hands. OLD AFRICAN PROVERB.

Real fiendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of fiends. EURIPIDES, Hecuba, c. 425 b.c.e.

A friend in need is a friend indeed

I loathe a friend whose gratitude grows old, a friend who takes his friend's prosperity, but will not voyage with him in his grief. EURIPIDES, HERACLES, C. 425 B.C.E.

Friendship makes prosperity more brilliant, and lightens adversity by dividing and sharing it. ClCERO, De AMICITIA, C. 44 B.C.E

Forsake not an old friend, for a new one does not compare with him. A new friend is like new wine; when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure. Apocrypha, Ecclesiasticus 9:10; additions to the Old Testament written between 300 b.c.e. and 100 c.e.

That man travels the longest journey that undertakes it in search of a sincere friend. CALIPH ALI ABI TALIB, SENTENCES, 7 th CENTURY C.E.

A friend is another self. ANCIENT PROVERB.

The friendship that can come to an end, never really began. SYRUS PUBLILIUS Moral Sayings, 1 st century b.c.e.

Your friend is that person who knows all about you, and still likes you. Proverb.

Sages ancient and modern caution us that existing friendships should never be taken for granted, and making new friends should be an active lifelong pursuit:

If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone; one should keep his friendships in constant repair. Samuel Johnson, lexicographer.

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar ♦

Henri IV of France; late 1500s

Words to Live By

Treating people nicely rather than harshly—with sweet words rather than sour ones—gets better results. Honey catches more flies, wins more friends, and leaves a sweet aftertaste. The maxim is attributed to Henri IV of France (1553-1610), the nations first Bourbon king, who brought unity and prosperity to the region after the bloody Wars of Religion.

Henri reigned at the height of the crisis between Protestantism and Roman Catholicism. Officially regarded as a Catholic king (he converted from Protestantism before his accession to the throne), he signed the 1598 Edict of Nantes, which offered freedom of worship to Protestants. He brought great economic prosperity to France, but, unfortunately, others did not treat him with honey: at the age of fifty-six he was assassinated by bitter religious and political rivals.

The maxim was rendered in English for the first time by British preacher and prolific author Thomas Fuller in Gnomologia: Adagies and Proverbs (1732): "More Flies are taken with a Drop of Honey than a Ton of Vinegar." His History of the Worthies of England, published a year after his death, was the first attempt at a dictionary of national biography. In his day, he acquired a reputation for quaintness and quirkiness because his writings, always scholarly, nonetheless abounded with epigrams, anecdotes, puns, jokes, and maxims. In his biographical sketches, he liked to include every quirk and idiosyncrasy of his subject, even rumors, which were labeled as such.

Benjamin Franklin, in Poor Richards Almanack (1744), gave his own wording to the maxim: "Tart Words make no Friends; a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a Gallon of Vinegar."

Many people adapted the maxim to their own specific needs. Delivering a speech before the Washingtonian Temperance Society in 1842, Abraham Lincoln assured the teetotalers that "A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall."

James Joyce, in Ulysses (1922), also made use of the maxim: "One tablespoon of honey will attract friend Bruin more than a half a dozen barrels of first choice malt vinegar."

Friend: one soul inhabiting two bodies ♦

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Aristotle; quoted in Lives, Teachings, and Sayings of Famous Philosophers, Diogenes Laertius, 1 st century C.E.

C~7 f) }ky d° we wor k so hard to make friends? Why do we take criti-\JCJ cism from friends that we would not tolerate from others? Why do many people appreciate friends more than family?

Aristotle was one of the early philosophers to tackle these questions. He began by pointing out that friendship, while enjoyable, was not one of life's necessities. We need food, water, and a mate of the opposite sex to propagate the species; but these essentials, said the philosopher, are often obtained without recourse to friendship. A mate need not be a friend; erotic love can be made with someone we otherwise dislike. In fact, for some people, deep friendship diminishes erotic pleasures.

Aristotle refined his question to this: Why would a happy person, in possession of food, water, a mate, and maybe offspring, go to the trouble of seeking friendships—especially since good friends are never easy to find, and maintaining friendships requires continual effort?

To answer the question, he applied his principle of "virtuous activity" to the fundamental human need for happiness. Since the virtuous actions of friends would be a delight to share in, all people ultimately seek friends in pursuit of their own happiness. Simply put, friends make you feel good, friendships bring you pleasure, a friend is fun to have around.

"For without friends," the philosopher concluded, "no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods." A family, one is given; a friend, one selects, freely and with selfish motives of increasing one's own happiness. Aristotle defined "friend" as "one soul inhabiting two bodies." For Greek philosophers, "soul" was the repository of all virtues.

As we saw earlier, Aristotle taught that there were three kinds of friendships: friends who share pleasures, friends who assist one another in utilitarian ways, and friends who appreciate each others' good qualities. A great friendship incorporates all three.

We often say that a true friendship can be spotted when the silence between two people is utterly comfortable. They need not talk because their "souls" are in harmony—or, as Aristotle would have it, they share one soul between them.

Words to Live By

Seven thoughts on friendship:

The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters. THOMAS JEFFERSON, AMERICAN President; 1786.

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job. LAURENCE J. PETER, AUTHOR.

The essence of true friendship is to make allowance for another's little lapses. David Storey, author.

If all men know what each said of the other, there would not be four friends in the world. BLAISE PASCAL, MATHEMATICIAN.

If we were all given by magic the power to read each other's thoughts, I suppose the first effect would be to dissolve all friendships. BERTRAND RUSSELL, PHILOSOPHER AND LOGICIAN.

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity. KAHLIL GlBRAN, SPIRITUAL WRITER.

There is nothing worth the wear of winning, I But the laughter and the love of friends. HlLAIRE BELLOC, DEDICATORY ODE.

Neglect old friends for the sake of new ones and you lose them all ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

/t takes work to maintain a good friendship: getting together whenever possible, maintaining contact through conversation, mail, or E-mail. Friendship is about sharing time, as well as personal aspirations and fears. It's not possible to have many good friends; a few truly good friendships are all one can maintain. "He who has many friends," suggested Aesop in

A friend in need is a friend indeed

a fable we already looked at, "has no friends." In another fable, "The Goatherd and the Goats," Aesop provided an additional maxim about friendship:

One winter's day when the wind was blowing a gale and the snow was falling fast, a goatherd drove his goats, all white with snow, into a nearby cave for shelter. To his surprise, the goatherd found the cave already occupied by a herd of wild goats more numerous than his own.

The greedy man, thinking to secure them all, left his own goats to take care of themselves while he threw the branches which had brought for them to the wild goats for fodder.

When the weather finally cleared, the goatherd was shock to discover that his own beloved goats had perished from hunger, while the wild goats were already far off in the hills and woods. The foolish man returned to his village a laughingstock to his neighbors, for he not only had failed to gain the herd of wild goats, but he had lost his own.

moral: Neglect old friends for the sake of new ones and you lose them all.

Religions on Friendship

To the ancient Greeks, friendship was the surest path to wholesome, simple human pleasures. A friend was a virtuous asset—and fun, to boot. But religions have always cast friendship in the role of charitable behavior displayed toward others. The Good Samaritan, a perfect stranger, was a great friend. All the great prophets taught that out of love for God, and a desire for salvation, we forge friendships in order to engage in charitable works of mercy Thus, in religion, friendship is exceptionally hard work.

Thomas Aquinas, one of the greatest theologians of the Middle Ages, maintained that true love was divine at its core, and that we strike up friendships—loving one another—specifically to do God's bidding on earth. Friendship spreads the word of Scripture. Friendship wins converts. Friendship saves sinners.

Every religion has something to say about friendship:

Words to Live By

JUDAISM: In choosing a friend, go up a step. Talmud; Yebamot 63a.

ISLAM: He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare. And he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere. Caliph Ali Abi Talib, Sentences.

BUDDHISM: Those who cannot enlighten themselves should have good and learned friends to show them the way. The Platform Scripture.

CHRISTIANITY: Greater love has no man than this: that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13.

In religion, God is one's best friend. "The very possibility of friendship with God transfigures life," wrote Henry Churchill King in The Laws of Friendship (1909). "The religious convictions, thus, tend inevitably to deepen every human friendship, to make it vastly more significant."

Some sensible advise:

If you have a friend worth loving,

Love him. Yes, and let him know

That you love him, ere life's evening

Tinge his brow with sunset glow.

Why should good words ne'er be said

Of a friend till he is dead? Daniel W. Hoyt,

"Sermon in Rhyme."

The Bible on Friendship

Bad company ruins good morals. 1 CORINTHIANS 15:33.

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. JOHN 15:15.

He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty. Job 6:14.

A friend in need is a friend indeed

A friend cannot be known in prosperity; and an enemy cannot be hidden in adversity. ECCLESIASTICUS 12:8.

A faithful friend is the medicine of life. ECCLESIASTICUS 6:16.

For a man to have fiends he must show himself to be friendly. PROVERBS 18:24.

A faithful friend is a strong defense; and he that has found such a one has found a treasure. ECCLESIASTICUS 6:14.

F-r-i-e-n-d = From the Middle English freond, "Lover" or "Companion"

The word "friend" derives from the Middle English freond, meaning "lover" (no sexual connotation) or "companion." It's akin to the Germanic infinitive frijon, "to love." Linguistically, a friend is someone we love and want to spend time with; with a friend, we are seeking to become "companions."

The poet Lord Byron expressed the sexless bond that is friendship: "Friendship is Love, without his wings."

There's more to the word "friend." It is also related to the English word "free," meaning "not in bondage," or "noble." Friends are chosen freely. Friends are free to tell one another the truth and to criticize one another in ways that non-friends would never do. Friendship itself is a "noble" endeavor.

Ten thoughts on the matter:

A friend is another self. ENGLISH PROVERB.

There are no formalities between friends. JAPANESE PROVERB.

The more we love our friends, the less we flatter them; it is by excusing nothing that pure love shows itself MOLIERE, 17TH-CENTURY FRENCH PLAYWRIGHT

Words to Live By

Your friend is that person who knows all about you, and still loves you. Proverb.

The only way to have a friend is to be one. PROVERB.

There was a definite process by which one made people into friends, and it involved talking to them and listening to them for hours at a time. REBECCA West, The Thinking Reed, 1936.

If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening. MARGE PlERCY, WRITER.

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse

them. Evelyn Waugh, British novelist.

Love is only chatter,

Friends are all that matter.

Gelett Burgess, American humorist.

Love your neighbor as yourself, but choose your neighborhood. MAXIM.

United we stand, divided we fall ♦

John Dickinson, army officer; 1768

^ir^here is strength in numbers, we say; friends united by a common JL cause can surmount overwhelming obstacles. One of the most popular maxims during the American Revolution, the saying comes from "The Liberty Song," composed by army officer John Dickinson, a delegate from Pennsylvania to the First Continental Congress. It was first published in the Boston Gazette on July 18, 1768:

Then join hand in hand, brave Americans all, By uniting we stand, by dividing we fall!; In so righteous a cause let us hope to succeed, For Heaven approves of each generous deed.

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Dickinson was so fond of the maxim that he repeatedly tailored it to fit themes of his other writings. For instance, when he wanted to underscore, with maximum impact, the necessity of freedom from British rule, he wrote: "United we conquer, divided we die."

It fell to American statesman Elbridge Gerry, in a letter penned in 1772, to provide the precise modern wording: "United we stand, divided we fall."

That the saying became a major rallying cry during the Revolution is made clear in poet George Pope Morris's "The Flag of Our Union" (1849):

A song for our banner! The watchword recall Which gave the Republic her station: 'United we stand, divided we fall!' It made and preserved us a nation!

Poems, published in 1853.

There is nothing uniquely American about the idea behind the maxim. It was expressed by Aesop in more than one fable and the biblical proverb "A house divided against itself cannot stand (Mark 3:25). was used long in Europe as a rallying cry in trade union disputes, church conflicts, and wars.

The family that prays together stays together ♦

Al Scalpone, commercial writer; 1947

Though sounding biblical, the saying is decidedly modern—and American. Coined by Al Scalpone, a professional commercial writer, it was used as the slogan of the Roman Catholic Family Rosary Crusade by Father Patrick Peyton. Father Peyton recounted the history of the saying in his book All for Her (1967). The Rosary Crusade was launched in 1942, and the catchy slogan was first broadcast to thousands of America families on the weekly radio program Family Theater, which debuted on February 13, 1947. The next year the motto appeared in a magazine:

Words to Live By

"More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of," and "The Family that prays together stays together. " SAINT JOSEPH MAGAZINE, Oregon; April 3, 1948.

Friendship either finds or makes equals ♦

Syrus Publilius; Moral Sayings, 1 st Century B.C.E.

Cicero (106-43 B.C.E.), Roman statesman and philosopher, delved a moral step deeper into friendship than Aristotle had. He asked: How far should one modify his own behavior for the love of a friend? What are the limits of friendship?

His contemporary Syrus Publilius, the Roman writer of mimes, warned that because the bonds between friends are inherently strong "friendship either finds or makes equals." A wicked person seeks friends equally as bad. And a decent person who unwittingly chooses an unprincipled friend risks becoming disreputable himself—"water seeks its own level," a proverb traced back to the Papers of George Clinton, First Governor of New York (177'8).

Cicero argued that no virtue can ever never be forsaken for a friendship. Virtue itself sets the limits on friendship. If one allows virtue to be compromised, as teenagers often do when confronted by peer pressure, then the pleasure of the friendship fades, and we begin to despise our friend for the situation he has forced upon us. The friends may even become enemies. Cicero concluded that a person should modify her behavior for a friend only to the extent that it betters her character, making her more virtuous and thus a more desirable friend.

What can be said of so-called "friends in crime?" Buddy-buddy crooks are not friends but accomplices. What can be said of a husband who loves his wife, claims to be her best friend, yet cheats on her? He may love her, but he's not her best friend. Friendship is free of deception.

Five thoughts on the matter:

Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friends success. OSCAR WlLDE, PLAYWRIGHT.

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies. GORE VlDAL, WRITER, QUOTED IN "THE NEW YORK SUNDAY TlMES MAGAZINE," 1973.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A fiend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A fiend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend — and he's a priest. ERMA BOMBECK, HUMORIST, DEFINING A WOMAN'S BEST FRIEND.

A woman can become a man's fiend only in the following stages: first an acquaintance, next a mistress, and only then a fiend. ANTON CHEKHOV, Un-CLE VANYA,

Napoleon Bonaparte.

Words to Live By

There are two kinds of fidelity, that of dogs and that of cats: you, gentlemen, have the fidelity of cats, who never leave the house. NAPOLEON BONAPARTE; SPEAKING AFTER HE HAD ESCAPED FROM ELBA, TO FRENCH COURTIERS WHO HAD NOT FOLLOWED HIM THERE.

Try to please everyone and you please no one ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

o matter how friendly, helpful, and cheerful you are, "you can't

please everybody"—an English proverb that originated in the 15 th century

Much earlier, in the 1 st century C.E., Syrus Publilius had his own version of the sentiment: "It is a very hard undertaking to seek to please everybody."

But the oldest rendering of the wisdom is found as the moral to Aesop's fable "The Miller, His Son, and Their Donkey":

A friendly miller and his son were driving their donkey to a neighborhood fair to sell him. They meet a group of girls returning from town laughing and talking together.

"Look!" cried one girl. "Didyou ever see such fools, trudging along the road on foot when they should be riding the donkey. "

So the friendly father, wishing to please the girls, lifted his boy onto the donkey, and they went on their way. Soon they came to a group of old men in heated debate.

"Look!" said one old man. "That proves exactly what I was saying No one plays any respect to old age these days. That idle boy rides while his poor old father has to walk. Get down, you lazy but, let your poor father rest his weary legs. "

The miller helped his son dismount, and climbed onto the donkeys back. They proceeded along the way until they met a group of women and children.

"Why, shame on you, lazybones!" they cried to father. "How can you ride while your poor little lad can hardly keep up with you?"

The friendly miller, wishing to please the women, lifted his son onto

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Aesop's "The Miller and His Son. "

the donkey behind him.

As they reached the edge of the village a townsman shouted, "I have a good mind to report you to the authorities for overloading that poor beast so shamelessly. You big hulking fellows should better to able to carry that old donkey than the other way around. "

Climbing down, the father and son tied the donkeys legs together, and with a pole across their shoulders, they carried the beast over the bridge that led to the town. They'd pleased everyone now, and been friendly to all.

But the sight of the father and son carrying the donkey over the bridge set the townfolk into wild laughter. The donkey, frightened by the uproar, kicked and struggled and freed himself from the pole — only to fall off the bridge and into the deep water where he drowned.

moral: Try to please everyone and you please no one.

An ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness

Words to Live By

Elbert Hubbard, printer; The Note Book, 1927

/t is more important to be loyal to friends that to entertain them with cleverness—so says this maxim.

Loyalty is inseparable from friendship. Friends are, foremost, loyal to one another. The word "loyal" is from the Latin legalis, meaning "legal," implying an unswerving and binding allegiance. Friends are bound in a loyalty contract. "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours"—a loyalty oath, often of dubious merit, that originated with l6 th -century French writer Michel de Montaigne.

"An ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness" was rendered by American writer and printer Elbert Hubbard, who died in 1915 in the sinking of the ocean liner Lusitania. The Note Book was published posthumously in 1927.

In many religions, loyalty is a higher virtue than friendship. In Hebrew Scripture, God's first commandment to Moses on Mount Sinai required uncompromising loyalty:

/ am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:2-3.

Loyalty to God became a paramount theme in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Jesus Christ spoke of loyalty to governments when he said, "render to Caesar the things which are Caesar's" (Matthew 22:21); and he addressed human loyalty with the command, "love thy neighbor as thyself." In one Gospel he commented on the limits of loyalty:

No man can serve two masters; for he will either hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Matthew 6:24.

Blood is thicker than water ♦

John Lydgate, poet; c. 1412

A friend in need is a friend indeed

/Royalty is a virtue recognized among family members, an echo of the *£ ancient survival needs of the tribe. The maxim was first rendered in the Troy Book (1412-1421) by English poet and monk John Lydgate, known principally for his long moralistic and devotional works, as well as his writings on chastity.

To the ancient Greeks, loyalty meant total devotion first to ones parents, then to friends, teachers, and country. Everything worthy of respect deserved loyalty. "The greatest example of Greek loyalty was Socrates," writes ethicist Barbara Forrest, "who refused to repudiate his beloved Athens even when its laws punished him unjustly, just as he refused to repudiate philosophy, which he believed was the only means of leading Athenians to the moral truth that would restore the city's integrity. Choosing death at the hands of the state for refusing to give up philosophy, he preserved his loyalty to both."

During the late Middle Ages in western Europe, the knight's code of chivalrous behavior was based largely on the virtue of loyalty. Because a knight was loyal to king, cause, and country, he also was thought to embody the virtues of courage in battle, wisdom in decision making, generosity toward others, fidelity to his faith, and purity toward females in the form of courtly love.

Five observations on loyalty:

Loyalty means nothing unless it has at heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice. Woodrow Wilson, Address in Washington, D.C., July 13, 1916.

Loyalty is the one thing a leader cannot do without. A. P. GOUTHEY, WRITER.

When young we are faithful to individuals, when older we grown more loyal to situations and to types. CYRIL CONNOLLY, BRITISH ESSAYIST, NOVELIST,

The Unquiet Grave, 1945.

/ entirely appreciate loyalty to ones friends, but loyalty to the cause of justice and honor stands above it. THEODORE ROOSEVELT, TO A SENATOR, MAY 15, 1905.

Words to Live By

Schools have always inculcated patriotism, but the terms of allegiances are often narrowly conceived. The fact that loyalty to the nation requires loyalty to all subgroups within the nation is seldom pointed out. GORDON W. ALL-PORT, WRITER.

American Presidents on Loyalty to One's Country

Loyalty to one's country is patriotism, defined as pride in one's nation, a strong devotion to its well-being, and a fervent commitment to its form of government. A complex commingling of secular and sacred sentiments, patriotism may begin as a noble virtue but, through overzealous conviction, end up as a dangerous vice—like fascism, communism, and nazism. "Patriotic rhetoric has sought to sanctify racism, sexism, antiunionism, excess profits, witch hunts, religious bigotry, and environmental plunder," writes ethicist Alan Geyer. Uncertainties about the national loyalties of some Americans lead to the internment of Japanese Americans during World War II, and, during the McCarthy era, to the blacklisting of people suspected of subversive activities. The United Nations was created to help countries distinguish between excessive national loyalties and a global common good—to help countries become friends.

The word "patriot" is related to patris, "fatherland," and pater, "father." Here are the thoughts of American presidents on loyalty to one's country:

Patriotism is a principle, not a mere sentiment. No man can be a true patriot who does not feel himself shot through and through with a deep ardor for what his country stands for, what its existence means, and what its purpose is declared to be in its history and in its policy. WOODROW WILSON, SPEECH, May 1914.

The man who loves other countries as much as his own stands on a level with the man who loves other women as much as he loves his own wife. THEODORE Roosevelt, Speech in New York, September 1918.

We are prone to make light of exhortations to patriotism, and the forms and

A friend in need is a friend indeed

William Howard Taft.

symbols through which patriotism finds expression. I think we have gone to far in this direction. Patriotism is a real virtue, and the forms and symbols which suggest it, and by which we recognize its existence and our respect for it, are proper reminders of a serious duty, and keep us in touch with it as an elevating motive. WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT, PRESIDENT, SPEECH IN NEW

York, N.Y., May 1908.

I would to God we had less professions and more acts of real patriotism. ANDREW Jackson, February 1824.

77?^ things that the flag stands for were created by the experiences of a great people. Everything that it stands for was written by their lives. The flag is the embodiment, not of sentiment, but of history. WOODROW WILSON, SPEECH, June 1915.

And so my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. JOHN F. KENNEDY, INAUGURAL ADDRESS, JANUARY 20, 1961.

Words to Live By

Andrew Jackson.

Two observations on patriotism from men who were not presidents:

Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime. ADLAI STEVENSON, ADDRESS TO THE American Legion Convention, August 1952.

You're not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can t face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or who says it. MALCOLM X SPEAKS, 1965.

Familiarity breeds contempt ♦

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

Syrus Publilius, Roman writer; c. 43 B.C.E.

(~7 f) }hen we're too close to someone, it's easy to let informality degen-\JC/ erate into flippancy, disrespect, or even scorn. Civility and manners can be momentarily forgotten and a friend's feelings deeply hurt. Close friends must be particularly careful not to allow familiarity to breed contempt.

The proverb, in Latin, and in virtually its modern wording, has been traced back to Sententiae (c. 43 B.C.E.) by Roman mime-writer Syrus Publilius: "Too much familiarity breeds contempt." It was a favorite of Saint Augustine, who in the 5 th century wrote in Scala Paradisi: vulgare proverbium est, quod nimia familiaritas parit contemptum—"it is a common proverb, that too much familiarity breeds contempt."

Around 1200, Pope Innocent III adapted the maxim to coin one of his own: "Subservience begets friends; truth, hatred; familiarity, contempt."

Many centuries earlier, however, the sentiment was the moral of Aesop's fable "The Fox and the Lion":

One day a fox, who had never seen a lion, was walking in the woods. Suddenly the king of beasts stood in his path, and the fox almost died of fright. He ran away and hid himself in his den.

The next time he came upon the lion he merely paused to allow the majestic beast to pass by. As the lion passed, he curiously eyed the insolent fox.

The third time they met the fox boldly approached the lion and passed the time of day with him, asking after his family s health. Fortunately for the fox, the lion already had a full belly that day.

moral: Familiarity breeds contempt.

Gender Differences in Friendship

Men and women approach friendships with members of their own sex in opposite ways. Two men tend to start a friendship with the most trivial of

Words to Live By

.^•■s-

Aesop's "The Fox and the Lion.

activities, like tossing a ball. Seldom do men begin a friendship by confiding to each other the deepest intimacies—or embarrassments—of their private lives.

The converse is true for women:

Often intimacies between women go backwards, beginning with revelations and ending up in small talk without loss of esteem. ELIZABETH BOWEN, NOVELIST, IN THE DEATH OF THE HEART, 1938.

Conventional wisdom says that women have more friends than men, and that their relationships are more emotional, volatile, and fragile. Men, on the other hand, enjoy fewer close friendships with other men, but the relationships they do forge seem nearly indestructible:

Men seem to kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it as glass and it goes to pieces. ANNE MORROW Lindbergh, author.

The only way to have a friend is to be one ♦

A friend in need is a friend indeed

Ralph Waldo Emerson; "Friendship, " in Essays: First Series, 1841

The best-known essay on friendship was written by American lecturer and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson. Every paragraph contains a gem of wisdom:

• Every man passes his life in search after friendship.

• A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.

• It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

• The condition which high friendship demands is the ability to do without it.

• The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it.

• I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with roughest courage.

• Happy is the house that shelters a friend . . . Happier, if he knows the solemnity of that relation.

Emerson found two ingredients of friendship:

There are two elements that go to the composition of friendship, each so sovereign that I can detect no superiority in either, no reason why either should be first named.

One is truth.

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal, that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another . . .

The other element of friendship is tenderness. We are holden to men by every sort of tie, by blood, by pride, by fear, by hope, by lucre, by lust, by hate, by admiration, by every circumstance and badge and trifle, but we can scarce believe that so much character can subsist in- another as to

Words to Live By

draw us by love. Can another be so blessed, and we so pure, that we can offer him tenderness? When a man becomes dear to me, I have touched the goal of fortune . . .

Different strokes for different folks

TOLERANCE

& Conscience

definition: Sympathy for, or indulgence of, others belief or practices which differ fom, or conflict with, one's own views.

word origin: From the Latin tolerare, meaning "to bear, " "to put up with. "

significance: Tolerance implies a basic respect for another person, not because he or she is right or wrong by ones own reckoning, but because that person is, like everyone, an imperfect, fallible human being, entitled to seek his or her own path to personal fulfillment.

related virtues: Understanding, forgiveness, sympathy.

opposite traits: Zeal, contempt, hatred, intoler-

2 0$

Do to others as you would have them do to you ♦

Babylonia and China, 6 th century B.C.E.

This maxim is primarily an expression of tolerance: if you do not want to be judged or persecuted for your opinions or behavior, then do not judge or persecute others for such things.

Most Christians refer to the saying as the Golden Rule and believe it originated with the New Testament, in the Gospels of Matthew (7:12) and Luke (6:31). But the wisdom predates Christianity by about six hundred years.

The maxim first appeared in the West in a wisdom book titled Teachings (c. 550 B.C.E.), credited to Babylonian sage Ahikar. Scholars are uncertain whether Ahikar was a real person. Another ancient text, The Story of Ahikar, is a folktale of Babylonian or Persian origin about a wise and moral man who served as chief counselor of Sennacherib, king of Assyria

The Golden Rule, "treat others as you d like to be treated, " is the foundation of ethical conduct.

Different strokes for different folks

(704-681 B.C.E.). Like the biblical Job, Ahikar is depicted as a prototype of the just man whose righteousness was sorely tested and ultimately rewarded by God. Betrayed by his power-hungry adopted son, Ahikar was condemned to death, suffered severely, but was finally restored to his former position. Not surprisingly, his life motto seems to have been "do to others as you'd have them do to you."

The Story of Ahikar, which falls into the "wisdom" genre of literature, was immensely popular in antiquity and was translated into numerous languages. The many maxims attributed to Ahikar influenced the development of Jewish and Christian biblical wisdom literature between, respectively, the 3 rd century B.C.E. to the 3 rd century C.E. This is especially true for such biblical book as Psalms and Ecclesiastes, and the apocryphal books of Tobit and Ecclesiasticus.

Around the same time that "do to others" appeared in the West, it appeared in the East in the Analects (c. 500 B.C.E.), or "sayings," of Confucius, the great Chinese philosopher and founder of Confucianism. And, too, the Golden Rule appeared in Buddhism in the Dhammapada (c. 500 B.C.E.), or The Righteous Path.

From the standpoint of ethics, the proverb is the most important ever written and thus the single most important nugget of wisdom in this book. Every religion has expressed it in some form. To glimpse its universality, here are several examples:

Judaism: Do not do unto others, what you would not have them do to you. Rabbi Hillel So important was this single rule of human behavior that Hillel taught that it was "the whole of the Torah, the rest is but commentary."

Christianity: All things whatsoever you would that men should do to you, do you even so to them. For this is the law of the prophets. Matthew 7:12. As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also unto them likewise. Luke 6:31.

Islam: No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself. Sunna, or, Saying of Mohammad.

Words to Live By

Confucianism: Do not do to others what you would not like yourself. Analects. The sage goes on to say, "Then there will be no feelings of opposition to you, whether it is the affairs of a State that you are handling or in the affairs of a Family."

Buddhism: Having made oneself the example, One should neither slay nor cause to slay. The text goes on to clarify the maxim: "As I am, so are other beings; thus let one not strike another, nor get another struck by someone else. That is the meaning."

Jainism: Indifferent to worldly objects, a man should wander about treating all creatures in the world so as he himself would be treated. Sutrakr-tanga, or, Book of Sermons.

Taoism: Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain, and your neighbor's loss as your own loss. T'ai Shang Kan Ying P'ien 3.

Zoroastrianism: That nature only is good when it shall not do unto another whatever is not good for its own self. Dadistan-i Dinik 94, 5.

Hinduism: This is the sun of all true righteousness: deal with others as you would yourself be dealt with. Do nothing to others which, if done to you, would cause you pain. In the epic Hindu tale Mahabharata, c. 200 B.C.E.

Not surprisingly, Aesop had his own version, embodied in a charming fable:

Treat others as you want them to treat you ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

The Golden Rule is the moral of Aesop's fable "The Eagle and the Fox":

An eagle and a fox long had lived together as good neighbors, the eagle

Different strokes for different folks

at the top of a high tree and the fox in a hole at the foot of it. One day, however, while the fox was away, the eagle, seeking a tender morsel for her nest of young ones, swooped down upon the fox's cub and carried it away to her nest.

The fox, on her return home, upbraided the eagle for this breach of friendship, and pleaded with the eagle to return the cub to her den. But the eagle, feeling sure that her own brood high up in their treetop nest were safe from any possible revenge, ignored the entreaties of the cub's mother.

Quickly running to the place where she knew an altar fire to be burning, the fox snatched a branch and hurried back to the tree. The mother eagle, who was just on the point of tearing the cub to pieces to feed to her babies, looked down and saw that the fox was going to set fire to the tree and burn it and her eaglets to ashes.

"Hold on, dear neighbor!" she screamed. "Don't set fire to our tree. I'll bring back your cub to you safe and sound!"

moral: Treat others as you want them to treat you.

Aristotle felt that the Golden Rule was the simplest advice a person could follow to live a virtuous life—and to make good friends. In his Maxim he advised: "We should behave to friends as we would wish them to behave to us." In debating an issue, he said that if one person wishes a friend to be tolerant of his viewpoint, then the friend must have the patience and courtesy to at least hear the other's argument. Friends don't have to agree, but they must politely respect one another's views.

It can be argued that the wisdom goes back to the Old Testament book of Leviticus and the Commandment "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself" (19:18). In fact, these two maxims were combined by John Stuart Mill in Utilitarianism (1863): "To do as one would be done by, and to love one's neighbor as one's self, constitute the ideal perfection of utilitarian morality."

Do as you would be done by ♦

First appearance in America; Letter Book of Peleg Sanford, 1668

Words to Live By

Ku Klux Klan Court: when suspicion of guilt was sufficient.

£""T~'he Golden Rule first appeared in secular American writing in The JL Letter Book ofPeleg Sanford (1668) as "do as you would be done by," the version preferred in the next century by Benjamin Franklin. In speeches and letters, various expressions of the maxim have been found in John Quincy Adams's diary of 1787, in Thomas Paine's The Age of Reason (1794) Part 1, George Washington's correspondence of 1799, and Andrew Jackson's letters of 1823. Tolerance was a major theme of America's early leaders.

One American president slipped the Golden Rule into his inaugural address, hoping that the code of conduct might become the motto of his administration:

Service is the supreme commitment of life. I would rejoice to acclaim the era of the Golden Rule and crown it with the autocracy of service. Warren G. Harding, Inaugural Address, March 4, 1921.

Different strokes for different folks Here are three different expressions of the Golden Rule by Americans:

The duty of man is not a wilderness of turnpike gates, through which he is to pass by tickets from one to the other. It is plain and simple and consists of but two points. His duty to God, which every man must feel; and with respect to his neighbor, to do as he would be done by. THOMAS PAINE, The RIGHTS OF

Man (1792), Part L

/ believe in the brotherhood of men, all men, but I don't believe in brotherhood with anybody who doesn't want brotherhood with me. I believe in treating people right, but I'm not going to waste my time trying to treat somebody right who doesn't know how to return that treatment. MALCOLM X, SPEECH

in New York City, December 12, 1964.

I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don't treat me right, shame on you!

Louis Armstrong (1900-1971), Attributed.

American Presidents on Tolerance

Abraham Lincoln was debating Stephen A. Douglas when the latter publicly accused Lincoln of being a hypocrite; of espousing one view and practicing another. "Sir, you are two-faced," charged Douglas.

The bearded Lincoln, tall and gaunt, turned toward his audience and extended one hand. "I leave it to you, my friends," he said. "If I had two faces, would I be wearing this one?"

What presidents have said about tolerance:

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods, or no God.

Thomas Jefferson, President; Notes on the State of Virginia, 1784-1785.

The manners of every nation are standards of orthodoxy within itself. But these standards being arbitrary, reasonable people . . . allow free toleration for the manners, as for the religion, of others. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1815.

Words to Live By

/ would be tolerant of all creeds, but would exact from all faithful allegiance to our republican institutions. MlLLARD FILLMORE, SPEECH AT NEWBURGH, N.Y.,June 1856.

We need to learn and exemplify the principle of toleration. We are a nation of many races and of many beliefs. The freedom of the human mind does not mean the mere privilege of agreeing with others, it means the right of individual judgment. Calvin Coolidge, 1923.

If I may be credited with one desire more than another it is to act as an apostle of understanding. I have been trying to preach understanding ever since I came to the Presidency, for I believe that understanding is the remedy for nearly all our ills . . . If the nations of the world could have a complete and ample understanding each with the other, there never would be war. WARREN G. Harding, speech at Wrangell, Alaska, July 1923.

It is a good thing to demand liberty for ourselves and for those who agree with us, but it is a better thing, and a rarer thing, to give liberty to others who do not agree with us. FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT, RADIO ADDRESS, NOVEMBER,

1933.

As we make gains in mutual understanding, there will inevitably follow greater mutual tolerance . . . It is important to remember that we can be firm without being offensive in support of principles that are sacred to us. We must realize that good humor, patience and tolerance are as important internationally as they are individually. DwiGHT D. EISENHOWER, 1946.

If we cannot end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. JOHN F. KENNEDY, COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS, AMERICAN UNIVERSITY, Washington, D.C., June 1963.

Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others. JOHN F. KENNEDY, PRESIDENT; LETTER TO THE NATIONAL CONFERENCE OF CHRISTIANS AND JEWS,

Washington, D.C., October 1963.

Different strokes for different folks

Our understanding of how to live — live with one another — is still far behind our knowledge of how to destroy one another. LYNDON B. JOHNSON, TO THE

United Nations General Assembly, December 1963.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones ♦

Geoffrey Chaucer; Troilus and Criseyde, c. 1385

sjf popular misconception is that this maxim has to do with V^/jL houses made entirely of glass, but "glass" refers to windows, once an expensive rarity. The proverb originally meant "if you are lucky enough to have glass windows in your house be careful of whom you attack—they might break your windows." But then and now it also has the broader meaning that people who are vulnerable should not attack others.

Lexicographers have traced the proverb back to Geoffrey Chaucer's poem Troilus and Criseyde (c. 1385), written when glass windows were extremely rare. Most windows, depicting biblical scenes in "stained glass," were found in churches. Based on a Greek legend and set against the Trojan War, the 8,239-line poem—which some critics consider Chaucer's finest work, greater even than the far more widely read Canterbury Tales — is the tragic love story of Troilus, son of the Trojan king Priam, and Criseyde, widowed daughter of the deserter priest Calchas. Tolerance and sympathy are major themes of the tale, for many people want to keep the lovers apart—and in the end succeed.

The maxim did not enjoy wide popularity until the 17 th century:

According to a traditional story, the crowning of the Scotsman fames I as king of England resulted in hordes of Scots moving to London. This turn of events particularly upset the Duke of Buckingham, whose many-windowed mansion just happened to be called the Glass House.

About 1604, the duke decided o drive the Scotsmen out, organizing groups of vandals to break windows in Scottish houses as part of his scheme. The plan backfired when angry Scotsmen gathered at the duke's Glass House, and broke all his windows. No doubt outraged by the Scotsmen's temerity, not to mention their embarrassingly successful counterattack, the duke complained to the king, but was rebuffed there, too.

Words to Live By

King James handily disposed of the matter with the words, "Steenie, Steenie, those who live in glass houses should be carefu how they fling stanes. " Though the saying was probably common then, this rendering was the earliest known." STUART FLEXNER AND DORIS FLEXNER, Wise Words and Wives' Tales, 1993.

In Poor Richards Almanack (1736), Benjamin Franklin gave his own wording, which had to do with the luxury of having glass windows: "Don't throw stones at your neighbor's if your own windows are of glass."

At least one American president, Thomas Jefferson, quoted the line in correspondence: "Men in glass houses should not provoke a war of stones."

George Bernard Shaw, in Widowers' Houses (1892), nearly rendered the expression in its modern wording: "People who live in glass houses have no right to throw stones."

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me ♦

England, 15 th Century

T'his saying expresses tolerance of other peoples' name-calling—but not necessarily of more serious attack. It's become a schoolyard rebuttal for a child on the receiving end of mean-spirited verbal attacks. Rather than fighting back physically, which could escalate the conflict, the child tells his abusers that he will tolerate a certain, and meaningless, measure of abuse. He'll rise above it.

The maxim, if not the exact wording, was first recorded in a 15 th -century book, How the Good Wyf Taughte Her Doughtir: "Ne fayre [fair] wordis brake neuer [never] bone."

English playwright Robert Greene, one of the most popular prose writers of his time and Shakespeare's most successful predecessors in blank-verse romantic comedy, wrote in 1584: "Wordes breake no bones, so we cared the lesse for his scolding."

The saying appeared as a child's rhyme in Thomas Fuller's Gnomologia: Adagies and Proverbs (1732): "Fair Words never broke a Bone, Foul Words

Different strokes for different folks

.... , . _\ *?.-755> • -:-:xiz2&r.>

The "sticks and stones" maxim has been learned by children from an early age.

have broke many a one."

The modern wording appeared in G. F. Northall's Folk-Phrases of Four Counties (1894), with a comment: " 'Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me' . . . Said by one youngster to another calling names."

Name-callers should be aware of another proverb, Words once spoken you can never recall, which dates back to Chaucer's The Maunciple's Tale (c. 1378).

Four thoughts on tolerance:

Tolerance is good for all, or it is good for none. ENGLISH PROVERB.

Love thy neighbor, even when he plays the trombone. JEWISH PROVERB.

The responsibility of tolerance lies in those who have the wider vision.

Words to Live By

George Eliot, British novelist

Tolerance comes with age. I see no fault committed that I myself could not have committed at some time or another. JOHANN WOLFGANG VON

Goethe, writer, philosopher.

Five Sages on Racial and Ethnic Tolerance

No democracy can long survive which does not accept as fundamental to its very existence the recognition of the rights of minorities. FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT, LETTER TO THE NAACP, JUNE 25, 1938.

We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream. MARTIN LUTHER KING, Jr., SPEECH, JUNE 15, 1963.

The American economy, the American society, the American unconscious are all racist. MICHAEL HARRINGTON, THE OTHER AMERICA.

When the last red man shall become a myth among the white man . . . when your children's children think themselves alone in the fields or the pathless woods, they will not be alone. . . your lands will throng with the returning hosts that once filled them and still love this beautiful land. The white man will never be alone. INDIAN LEADER SEATTLE; FROM A SPEECH PROBABLY

given in the salish dialect in 1854; quoted in joseph epes brown, The Spiritual Legacy of the American Indian.

Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?" WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, THE MERCHANT of Venice, Act HI, Scene I.

Live and let live ♦

Different strokes for different folks

Dutch Proverb, 17 th Century

S~*\vz and let live," which suggests that we be tolerant of others and al-*L low them to conduct their own lives, was originally a Dutch proverb. It first appeared in Consuetudo, vel, Lex Mercatoria (1622) by Gerard de Malynes: "To Hue and let other Hue."

In its current wording, it appeared in David Fergusson's Scottish Proverbs From the Original Print of 1641: "Live and let live."

In America, the maxim was popular with George Washington, who used it in his letters and adopted it as a philosophy of life. In 1954, British spy writer Ian Fleming adapted the saying for one of his popular James Bond novels, Live and Let Die, which later became a Hollywood movie.

"Live and let live" is not always an easy philosophy to adhere to—and it must be put into perspective. Tolerance, as a virtue, implies a basic respect for another person, not because he or she is right or wrong by our reckoning, but because that person is human and fallible. We can all make mistakes, change our minds, and adopt different opinions and attitudes. Tolerance allows others the freedom to do the same, to be different and to be, according to others, wrong. As President John F. Kennedy said: "Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others."

Being tolerant of others, especially when one disagrees with them strongly, can be difficult. Humorist Ogden Nash summed up his feelings thus:

Sometimes with secret pride 1 sigh To think how tolerant I am; Then wonder which is really mine: Tolerance, or a rubber spine?

"Yes and No, " in I'm a Stranger Here Myself, 1938.

To each his own ♦

John Wise; The Churches Quarrel Espoused, 1710

Words to Live By

rhis simple enough maxim has an interesting history and influenced the patriots of the American Revolution. This tolerance maxim suggests that each person has his or her own idiosyncrasies and that such distinctive fundamentals of personality should not be disparaged. John Wise, who originated the saying, was a Congregational minister, theologian, and pamphleteer who supported a liberal church and civil government.

After graduating from Harvard College in 1673, Wise became a preacher in Ipswich, Massachusetts. Seven years later he was arrested, tried, and briefly deprived of his ministry for leading his town's resistance to taxes imposed by the governor. At the time, most New England parish churches had enormous individual freedom. The publication of Increase Mather's Questions and Proposals (1705), a pamphlet that advocated the establishment of a Presbyterian association of clergymen with authority over individual churches, incensed Wise. He expressed his beliefs—and the maxim—in his pamphlet The Churches Quarrel Espoused (1710), which helped defeat Mather's proposals. Seven years later he published A Vindication of the Government of New-England Churches, which further delineated his "live and let live" concepts concerning both civil and ecclesiastical governments.

Different strokes for different folks ♦

Southern black expression, 19 th century

Every man to his own taste ♦

John Lyly; Euphues and His England, 1580

^IT^hese maxims say essentially the same thing: respect individuality; A recognize that all people cannot think and behave alike. "Different strokes for different folks" is of uncertain origin, though many lexicographers claim it originated among blacks in the American South during the 19 th century. It probably began as a worker's maxim in which the "strokes" referred to blows of an ax or hammer.

"Every man to his own taste" has been traced back to novelist and play-

Different strokes for different folks

wright John Lyly, considered the first English prose stylist to leave an enduring impression upon the language. Educated at Magdalen College, Oxford, Lyly moved to London in 1576 and soared to fame with the publication of two prose romances, Euphues. The Anatomy of Wit (1578) and Euphues and His England (1580). His romantic intrigues, written in the form of letters and narration, contained many proverbs from antiquity and his own time, and popularized a new one: "every man to his own taste." Lyly's popularity waned with the rise of Christopher Marlowe and William Shakespeare, as did his finances. He died a poor and bitter man.

One man's meat is another man's poison ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

Thomas Whythorne; Autobiography, c. 1576

•Certain values are relative, says this maxim. What appeals to one per-y^ son may be loathsome to another. The wisdom appeared as the moral of Aesop's fable "The Ass Eating Thistles":

It was harvest time and the master and the reapers were out in the field. When the sun was high in the sky, and the day hot, the maidservants loaded the ass with many good things for it to eat and drink. Then they sent the ass out into the field work while they stayed in the shade.

On his way the ass spotted a fine large thistle bush growing in the land. He was exceptionally hungry and began to eat the thistle bush,

&J&LJ&J&?

Aesop's "The Ass"

that preferred to

eat tough thistle to

tender treats.

^^^^f^^M^^C*^ ^^ZJT^&

Words to Live By

enjoying it greatly. As he chewed, he quietly reflected:

"How many greedy people would think themselves happy to have such a wide variety of delicacies as I am carrying Every food a person could want is in my basket. But for my taste, this bitter, prickly thistle is more savory and appetizing than the most sumptuous banquet my master could lay out."

moral: One man's meat is another man's poison.

In English, the saying first appeared in the Autobiography (c. 1576) of musician and writer Thomas Whythorne.

Shortly thereafter it became dialogue in a comedy, Love's Cure, by poets and playwrights Francis Beaumont and John Fletcher. The two men, best friends and both unmarried, collaborated on about twelve comedies and tragedies, starting in 1606 and ending three years before Beaumont's untimely death at the age of thirty-one. They seem to have been lovers. John Aubrey, a 17 th -century memorialist, commented in his Brief Lives on their unusual living and dressing arrangements: "They lived together on the Banke side, not far from the Play-house, both batchelors; lay together . . .; had one wench in the house between them . . .; [wore] the same cloathes and cloake, &c, between them." Three years before his death, Beaumont married an heiress, Ursula Isley of Sundridge, in Kent, and retired from the theater. He died in London in 1616 and was buried in Westminster Abbey.

"One man's meat is another man's poison" was popularized through productions of Love's Cure. The authors' sexuality, as well as the title of their play, gives the maxim an interesting spin.

T-o~l~e-r~a-n-c-e = "to put up with"

How the word's meaning changed with time

The verb "tolerate" is from the Latin infinitive tolerare, meaning "to bear," "to put up with." For many centuries "tolerate" referred only to circumstances of physical or medical conditions of disease and discomfort, not to religious or social differences. For instance, people tolerated the pain of an abscess or a dead-end life of poverty and hard labor. But they did not tol-

Different strokes for different folks

erate differing religious beliefs or nonconformist social ways. Individualism, which we cherish today, was not cultivated and flaunted without the risk of ostracism.

For more than two hundred years, "tolerate" never meant, as we freely employ it today, to put up with contrary practices, customs, or religious beliefs. That usage, etymologists claim, first clearly arose around the mid-1700s, during the Age of Enlightenment. Swiss-born French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote pointedly about governmental and religious tolerance:

Now that there is and can be no longer an exclusive national religion, tolerance should be given to all religions that tolerate others, so long as their dogmas contain nothing contrary to the duties of citizenship. The

Social Contract, 1762.

Another great Frenchman, Voltaire, essayist, dramatist, and philosopher, attempted to define the new word "toleration" in the ambitious dictionary he was assembling:

What is toleration? It is the appurtenance of humanity. We are all full of weaknesses and errors; let us mutually pardon each other our follies — it is the first law of nature. PHILOSOPHICAL DICTIONARY, 1764.

The modern definition of "tolerance"—if not its full practice—had arrived.

Anything goes ♦

Title of song, and musical, by Cole Porter; 1934

This freewheeling expression, which so aptly fitted the counterculture of the late 1960s, was coined by songwriter Cole Porter for an earlier carefree decade, the Roaring Twenties:

In olden days, a glimpse of stocking Was looked on as something shocking,

Words to Live By

But now, Heaven knows, Anything goes.

The maxim embodies many of the worst fears of the virtue of tolerance. Many people equate it with such negative traits as apathy, laziness, disinterest, and spinelessness. A sampling of such opinions:

Tolerance is another word for indifference. SOMERSET MAUGHAM, BRITISH NOVELIST.

It is easy to be tolerant of the principles of other people if you have none of your own. HERBERT SAMUEL, BRITISH POLITICIAN.

Tolerance is an insidious modern disease. D. H. LAWRENCE, NOVELIST.

Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellows too lazy to form an opinion. WILL ROGERS, COMIC ACTOR.

We are all tolerant enough of those who do not agree with us, provided only they are sufficiently miserable. DAVID GRAYSON, ADVENTURES IN CONTENTMENT, 1907.

There is a difference between tolerance and indifference:

/ wish I could care what you do or where you go but I can't. . . My dear, I don't give a damn. MARGARET MITCHELL, NOVELIST, IN GONE WlTH THE

Wind, 1936; "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," in Sidney Howard's 1939 screenplay.

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone ♦

New Testament, John 8:7

/pince no one is perfect, suggests the above biblical expression, no hu-^J man has the right to condemn others—God will see to that. One of the Bible's most explicit statements of tolerance, it is found in the story of

Different strokes for different folks

an adulteress brought before Jesus for judgment. The crowd thought Jesus would quickly condemn her to death by the standard punishment of stoning, but when Jesus asked that the first stone be cast by a sinless person, the crowd dispersed in shame:

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said to them: He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. John 8:7.

Prejudice, n. a vagrant opinion without visible means of support ♦

Ambrose Bierce; The Devil's Dictionary, 1906

>reacher told this story:

lA p

An Oriental and a Jew got into a barroom brawl. The Jew slugged the Oriental shouting, "That's for Pearl Harbor. "

"I'm Chinese, " the bleeding man protested from his position on the floor. "The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. "

"Japanese, Chinese, "snorted the Jew, "they're all alike to me. "

The Oriental staggered to his feet, regained his balance, then slugged the Jew, knocking him out. When the Jew finally came to, the Oriental shouted, "That was for the Titanic. "

Dumbfounded, the Jew stammered, 'Titanic? The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg. "

The Oriental shrugged. "Iceberg, Goldberg, they're all the same to me."

Prejudice is the antithesis of tolerance. Ambrose Bierce, American journalist, wit, satirist, and author of sardonic short stories based on themes of death and horror, coined his definition of prejudice in The Devil's Dictionary (1906), a volume of ironic definitions still in circulation today. As a newspaper columnist, he specialized in critical attacks on narrow-minded clergymen, dishonest politicians, money-grubbers, pretenders, and frauds

Words to Live By

of all sorts. In 1913, tired of the inequities and prejudices he saw in American life, he went to Mexico, which was then in the middle of a revolution led by Pancho Villa. His death is a mystery, but a reasonable conjecture is that he was killed in the siege of Ojinaga in January 1914. Here are five thoughts on prejudice and tolerance:

It is not healthy when a nation lives within a nation, as colored Americans are living inside America. A nation cannot live confident of its tomorrow if its refugees are among its own citizens. PEARL S. BUCK, NOVELIST.

Yes, I am a Jew, and when the ancestors of the Right Honorable gentleman were brutal savages in an unknown island, mine were priests in the temple of Solomon. BENJAMIN DISRAELI, BRITISH STATESMAN, RETORT TO COMMENTS MADE IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS.

Prejudice is the child of ignorance. WILLIAM HAZLITT, BRITISH ESSAYIST.

A difference of opinion alienates only little minds. SCOTTISH PROVERB.

The highest result of education is tolerance. HELEN KELLER.

Never judge a book by its cover ♦

United States, early 20th Century

/^ITjeople are often intolerant because they jump to hasty, superficial JL conclusions about individuals or groups they don't really know. Ignorance is a major ingredient of intolerance.

This maxim, a metaphorical expression concerning the superficial judgment of people, is of recent origin. In one version, it appeared in a 1929 journal, American Speech: "You can't judge a book by its binding"— and was probably not meant to be self-referential. It appeared in Edwin Rolfe's The Glass Room (1946) as: "You can never tell a book by its cover."

More literal wordings of the maxim have existed for about two thousand years. All of the earlier versions explicitly mention "appearance":

Different strokes for different folks

• Judge not according to the appearance. New Testament, John 7:24

• Never judge people by their appearance. Jean de la Fontaine, Fables, 1678.

• Don't judge Men's Wealth or Piety by their Sunday Appearances. Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, 1751.

• Never to judge a person's character by external appearances. Timothy Alden, A Collection of American Epitaphs and Inscriptions, 1814.

It us better to bend than to break ♦

Aesop; 6th century B.C.E.

yT n intolerant person is intelligently rigid, seldom bending or al-\^/l tering his views even when errors in logic are pointed out. For this kind of person, Aesop offered the fable of "The Oak and the Reed":

A proud oak grew upon the bank of a stream. For a full hundred years it had withstood the buffeting of the winds, but one day there came a violent storm. The great oak fell with a might crash into the swollen river and was carried down toward the sea.

Later the oak tree came to rest on the shore where some reeds were growing. The tree was amazed to see the reeds standing upright.

"How ever did you manage to weather that terrible storm?" he asked. "I have stod up against many a storm, but this one was too strong for me."

"That's just it," replied a reed. "All these years you have stubbornly pitted your great strength against the wind. You were too proud to yield a little. I, on the other hand, knowing my weakness, just bend and let the wind blow over me without trying to resist it. The harder the wind blows the more I humble myself, so here I am!"

moral: It is better to bend than to break.

Wc have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make up love one another ♦

Words to Live By

Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), Anglo-Irish author

^TJeligions espouse the virtues of compassion, understanding, and toler-j£\ ance but have been among the most intolerant of all organized groups. The historical record of religions on tolerance is drenched in the blood of intolerance. More wars have been fought—and continue to be fought—over religious differences than any other cause. Millions of innocent people have been slaughtered in the name of a compassionate god or God, or killed "for Christ" or "for Allah." No religion is without blood on its altar. Parochialism, discrimination, prejudice, and bigotry are the dark side of religion. When one group believes it has the exclusive word on truth, others may be in danger. As one philosopher observed:

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. BLAISE PASCAL, FRENCH PHILOSOPHER AND MATHEMATICIAN.

Thomas Jefferson was deeply troubled by the intolerance of one religion toward another. Americas third president argued that the brutal doggedness with which member of one faith try to win converts was tantamount to coercion. He was baffled by how the Christian motto "love thy neighbor" had been routinely perverted. In Notes on Virginia he wrote:

Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burned, tortured, fined, and imprisoned, yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half the world fools and the other half hypocrites.

Many prophets of the major religions were themselves remarkably open-minded. Jesus Christ surrounded himself with society's outcasts. Often it has been the followers of the prophets who, to consolidate power, honed the sharp sword of intolerance:

Different strokes for different folks

It were better to be of no church, than to be bitter for any. WILLIAM Penn.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander ♦

John Ray; A Collection of English Proverbs, 1670

This maxim of fairness suggests that what applies to one person should apply equally to another. It is often said in a gender context: what's good for a woman is equally good for a man—and vice versa. John Ray, English naturalist, botanist and all-around collector of things, expressed it in his compilation of proverbs as: "what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander."

Ray called the maxim "a woman's proverb" because it made a plea for equality and fairness in treating males and females alike. The sauce he had in mind was gooseberry sauce, enjoyed for its sharp, biting acidity, which cut through the greasy, gamey taste of wild geese and ganders alike.

A. century before Ray's time, a similar English proverb enjoyed a modest popularity: "As well as for the coowe calf as for the bull."

If you don't like it, lump it ♦

Charles Dickens; Our Mutual Friend, 1864

/f you don't like it, (you can) lump it" suggests that a decision has been made and the listener, having no say in the matter, has to live with the consequences. It's been traced back to Charles Dickens' Our Mutual Friend: "I'm going to call you Boffin, for short. . . If you don't like it, it's open to you to lump it." The word "lump" is a British colloquialism meaning to dislike something and have to put up with it.

A related challenge is "How do you like them apples?" The maxim suggests that the issue is closed, there will be no further discussion, the speaker's opinion is the final word. The saying originated in the United States in the 1920s.

Make my day! ♦

Words to Live B

If you don't like it, lump it. Or, How do you like them apples?

Clint Eastwood; in Sudden Impact, 1983

cJ¥:

ake my day!" suggests that a threat has been made and that the speaker is willing, and eager, to carry it through. He's just waiting for the slightest provocation. It originated as "Go ahead, make my

Different strokes for different folks

day" in the movie Sudden Impact (1983), when Clint Eastwood, playing a cop, taunted a punk to reach for his gun before blowing out his brains. It became widely quoted in all kinds of situations, usually humorous, and was a favorite of President Ronald Reagan: "I have only one thing to say to the tax increases: 'Go ahead and make my day.' "

Buddhism — The Religion of Tolerance

Religions have addressed the issue of tolerance in different ways. The most open-minded of all faiths is Buddhism, founded in the 6th century B.C.E. Buddhism holds great appeal today for many Westerners in part because it allows them to be simultaneously a Buddhist and a Jew or a Christian or a Muslim. (It must be pointed out, though, that neither Judaism, Christianity, nor Islam supports the idea of adherents also being Buddhists.) The Eastern faith displays a high level of tolerance toward other faiths; all faiths are of equal worth.

The Buddha, the religion's founder, posited no creator God to be worshiped and formulated the "four noble truths":

1. life is full of suffering;

2. most suffering, including fear of death, can be traced to "desire," the mind's habit of seeing everything through the prism of the "self" and its own well-being;

3. "desire" can be transcended, leading to peace and eventually to an exalted state of full enlightenment called Nirvana;

4. the means to transcend "desire" lies in the eightfold path of proper views, resolve, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness, and concentration.

Buddhism has been called more a philosophy or even a psychology than a religion. Most Westerners who observe it as a philosophy continue to practice their own original religions.

"Buddhism," explains Lafcadio Hearn in Nirvana, "recognizing no permanency, no finite stabilities, no distinctions of character or class or race, except as passing phenomena—nay, no difference between gods and

Words to Live By

men—has been essentially the religion of tolerance."

Here is ancient wisdom that the modern world could use:

Like the bee gathering honey from different flowers, the wise man accepts the essence of different Scriptures and sees only the good in all religions. SRIMAD BHAGAVATAM, C. 500 b.c.e.

An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth ♦

Old Testament, Exodus 21:24

/f t the other religious extreme from Buddhism in terms of toler-V^/Jl ance is the original Judaism as developed by the prophets. "Religious tolerance is in the main a modern notion advanced by thinkers like Spinoza, John Locke, and John Stuart Mill," writes Louis Jacobs in What Does Judaism Say About. . . ? (1973). "We shall look in vain for anything like the modern ideal in the classical sources of Judaism, but no one with a sense of history will expect it to be otherwise."

The Hebrew God of Abraham was a stern, harsh authoritarian. Yah-weh, as God was known to Moses, never was a tolerant deity. He allowed—and even encouraged—holy wars to annihilate "pagans," or freethinkers. His first commandment was "I am the Lord, your God, you shall not have other gods before me." Monotheism probably would not have won ascendancy over the polytheism of the Middle and Near East by being tolerant of different religious viewpoints.

Today we read the "eye for an eye" quotation in a picturesque, figurative way—as if it simply mandated firm punishment for a severe crime. But in Hebrew Scripture the words were meant to be taken literally: "an eye" was another man's eyeball, to be gouged from its socket. The full quotation is gory; God is the speaker.

And if any harm follow, then thou shalt give life for life, Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe. EXODUS 21: 23-25.

In a letter written in 1814, future American president Andrew Jackson

Different strokes for different folks

adapted the saying to reflect the realities—that is, atrocities—of the white mans expansion of the Indians' Western frontier: "An Eye for an Eye, Toothe forToothe, and Scalp for Scalp."

In later Judaism, one of the first advocates of religious tolerance was the philosopher Moses Mendelssohn (d. 1786), grandfather of composer Felix Mendelssohn-Bartholdy. Having studied with English philosopher John Locke and German philosopher and mathematician Gottfried von Leibniz, Mendelssohn advocated that while force may be used by states to control people's actions, their religious beliefs are inviolable to both church and state.

To turn the other cheek ♦

New Testament, Matthew 5: 38-39

You have heard that is has been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth; But I say to you, That you resist not evil, but whosoever shall smite you on your right cheek, turn to him the other cheek" MATTHEW 5:38-39.

Jesus Christ was remarkably tolerant, and many of his friendships were drawn from among society s outcasts. Bucking the Old Testament teaching of 'an eye for an eye, 1 ' he suggested that in practicing the virtue of tolerance (or 'understanding' or 'compassion' as it was called) a person becomes like God, who loves and accepts all his creatures, good and bad. The Four Gospels abound with pleas for Christlike tolerance:

He [God] makes His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. xVIaTTHEW 5:45.

Judge not, and you shall not be judged; condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. LL'KE 6:3 7 .

Words to Live By

"Turn the other cheek" is often hard advice to follow.

He that is without sin among you, let him cast a stone. JOHN 8:7.

In the early years of Christianity, its followers were persecuted; later, through holy crusades and inquisitions, Christians persecuted others. For a long period of history, Christians ignored the tolerance wisdom in the Gospels.

In America today, we enjoy a remarkable amount of religious tolerance. While part of the reason has to do with the fact that we live in a democracy, where conservatism and liberalism cohabit, if contentiously, two twentieth-century thinkers offered another view:

Religious toleration, to a certain extent, has been won because people have ceased to consider religion so important as it was once thought to be. Bertrand Russell, philosopher and mathematician, Free Thought and Official Propaganda, 1922.

Different strokes for different folks

Being civilized we mean that there is a certain list of things about which we permit a man to have an opinion different from ours. Usually they are things which we have ceased to care about: for instance, the worship of God. AUBREY Menen, modern British essayist.

If the above opinions hold any truth, then the current "fundamentalist" swing in America toward stricter religious worship and more conservative stands on behaviors deemed moral, good, and right bodes poorly for the virtue of tolerance.

/ would no more quarrel with a man because of his religion than I would because of his art. MARY BAKER EDDY, D. 1910, FOUNDER OF CHRISTIAN SCIENCE.

Nine Sages on Religious Tolerance

All religions must be tolerated, and the sole concern of the authorities should be to see that one does not molest another, for here every man must be saved in his own way. FREDERICK THE GREAT, KlNG OF PRUSSIA, IMPERIAL ORDER,

issued June 22, 1740.

Tolerance is the best religion. VICTOR HUGO, FRENCH NOVELIST.

Tolerance is a better guarantee of freedom than brotherly love; for a man may love his brother so much that he feels himself thereby appointed his brothers keeper. EVERETT DEAN MARTIN, LIBERTY, 1930.

Do not despise others because, as it seems to you, they do not possess the virtues you thought they had; they may be pleasing to God for other reasons which you cannot discover. SAINT JOHN OF THE CROSS, CARMELITE MONK, D.

1591, The Living Flame of Love.

Since each virtue shines by its own proper light, the merit of 'tolerance' is resplendent with a very special glory. JOHN OF SALISBURY, BISHOP OF CHARTRES, D. 1180, POLICRATICUS.

Words to Live By

The full circle of spiritual truth will be completed only when we realize that, but for a destiny not fully understood, we might actually have been born in the other persons faith. MARCUS BACH, IN "ROTARIAN MAGAZINE," DECEMBER 1962.

Tolerance implies a respect for another person, not because he is wrong or even because he is right, but because he is human. JOHN COGLEY, COMMONWEALTH, April 1959.

It may well be that the soundest ethical basis for tolerance is to be found not in organized religion but in humanistic respect for others and their right to express themselves freely, so long as their expression does not harm other individuals or society. ROBERT P. ELLIS, ETHICS, 1994.

Tolerance grows only when faith loses certainty; certainty is murderous. WILL Durant, The Age of Faith, 1950.

It takes all kinds to make a world go 'round ♦

Douglas ferrold; The Story of a Feather, 1844

g^lT'ole ranee is warmly embraced in this saying, often applied to ec-J... centrics and other characters, which is somewhat equivalent to "diversity is the spice of life." Both sayings express a basic biological truth: in any ecological system—plant, animal, or human—genetic diversity is tantamount to survival.

The adage "it takes all kinds ..." appeared in an early version in Thomas Shelton's English translation of Don Quixote (1620): "In the world, there must be all sorts." Samuel Johnson and John Locke gave the maxim their own persuasive wording.

The modern wording appeared in The Story of a Feather (1844), by English playwright, journalist, and humorist Douglas Jerrold: "it takes all kinds to make a world go 'round." Jerrold was a master of a special brand of Victorian put-down humor and a contributor to the satirical magazine Punch. The maxim was a favorite of Jerrold's contemporary George Bernard Shaw, who used it in at least three of his major works: Misal-

Different strokes for different folks liance, The Devil's Disciple, and Man and Superman.

Human diversity makes tolerance more than a virtue; it makes it a requirement for survival REN£ DUBOS, FRENCH-BORN AMERICAN SCIENTIST,

Celebrations of Life, 1981.

Persuasion is better than force ♦

Aesop; 6th century B.C.E.

rhe ideal that rational debate is preferable to physical combat is the moral of Aesop's fable about a contest between the wind and the

sun:

A dispute once arose between the wind and the sun over which was the stronger of the two. There seemed to be no way of settling the issue. But suddenly they saw a traveler coming down the road.

Persuasion is better than force.

Words to Live By

"This is our chance, "said the sun, "toprove who is right. Whichever of us can make that man take of his coat shall be the stronger. And just to show you how sure I am, I'll let you have the first chance. "

So the sun hid behind a cloud. The fierce wind then blew a strong, icy breeze. He blew and blew, but the harder he tried to strip off the travelers coat, the more closely the man wrapped his coat around him. At last the wind had to give up in disgust. "Your turn, " said the wind.

The sun came out from behind the cloud. He began to shine down upon the traveler with all his power. He shined brighter and brighter. The traveler felt the suns genial warmth, and as he grew warmer and warmer he began to loosen his coat. Finally he was forced to take it off altogether and to sit down in the shade of a tree and fan himself.

"I win," said the sun.

moral: Gentle persuasion is better than force.

A man's got to do what a man's got to do ♦

John Wayne; in Stagecoach, 1939

Conscience is the subjective awareness of the moral right or wrong of one's actions. It's the soft prickly voice in the head that whispers: "If you chose A, you will be following values you believe in. If you chose B, you will be violating your principles." The voice's final whisper is: "You must live with your conscience."

If you allow another person to engage in actions that you, or your religion, deem morally questionable, or evil, are you carrying the virtue of tolerance too far? How can a person have a clear conscience and be tolerant of the diverse opinions of others? We'll examine these questions shortly. For now, here is a proverb that address the idea of having a clear conscience in simple, straightforward language:

"A man's got to do what a man's got to do" states, with poetically simple repetition, that a person must follow the dictates of his or her conscience. The saying is usually attributed to John Wayne, who spoke the words in John Ford's 1939 western Stagecoach.

Different strokes for different folks

Stick to your guns ♦

Earl Derr Biggers; Seven Keys to Baldpate, 1913

£~Uick to your guns," meaning hold to your convictions—literally, hold ^J to your position while under attack, do not withdraw or retreat—appeared in an early version in Life of Samuel Johnson, by English biographer James Boswell (1740-1795): "Mrs. Thrale stood to her gun with great courage in defense of amorous ditties." The modern wording appeared in Seven Keys to Baldpate (1913) by Earl Deer Biggers.

Conscience is the frame of character ♦

Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887), clergyman; Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit

Don't tread on other people's toes ♦

American proverb, 19 th Century

£"""T\hilosophers have long debated the issue of tolerance versus a clear Jl conscience. How tolerant can one be of others' beliefs and behaviors and still maintain a clear conscience? One man succinctly provided a distillation of centuries of debate:

God never ordained you to have a conscience for others. Your conscience is for you, and for you alone. HENRY WARD BEECHER, THE COURTESY

of Conscience.

Born in Litchfield, Connecticut, Beecher was a Congregational minister whose oratorical skill and social concerns made him one of the most influential Protestant spokesmen of his time. At Plymouth Church in Brooklyn, where he began to preach in 1847, he drew weekly crowds of 2,500 that heard him advocate the abolition of slavery, women's suffrage, and lend support to Darwin's theory of evolution, which for many seemed to usurp the role of God in creation.

Beecher often emphasized that conscience is a subjective and highly

Words to Live By

personal thing that tells each of us what to do in order to be good, right, and virtuous. Its insistence on a particular course of action for one person in no way means that others are hearing the same inner voice. One's moral upbringing, Beecher emphasized, plays a large role in the voice of conscience that each person hears, and one's experiences throughout life continually influence the voice's disposition. For instance; a person who spends his entire life in the town or village in which he was born, surrounded by familiar faces, his opinions reinforced by familiar voices, harbors a narrower view of beliefs and behaviors than someone who travels the world and is exposed to different peoples and cultures. The homebody and the world traveler hear different inner voices, or march to different drummers, as Thoreau said.

In stating that "your conscience is for you, and you alone," Beecher was saying in effect: "don't tread on other people's toes"—a maxim that originated in his time. It's been traced back to Letters of Major J. Downing

(1834), and the wording quickly changed to "don't step on other people's

■>■> toes.

I cannot do otherwise ♦

Martin Luther; Reply at the Diet of Worms, 1521

Cowards die many times before their death ♦

William Shakespeare; Julius Caesar, 1599

{""7 ft |hen Christian monk Martin Luther, soon to become a fiery LXy Protestant Reformer, was challenged for his unorthodox views by church leaders, he stood before the assembled bishops and declared:

/ cannot revoke anything, nor do I wish to, since to go against one's conscience is neither safe nor right. Here I stand. I cannot do otherwise. God help me. Amen. REPLY AT THE DIET OF WORMS, APRIL 18, 1521.

Protestantism was founded on a single act of conscience. In fact, that's

Different strokes for different folki

William Shakespeare.

how all religions begin, more or less: by an act of courage. How unbecoming it is then for any religion to be intolerant of others. Two thoughts on the matter:

Conscience is God's presence in man. EMANUEL SWENDENBORG, ARCANA COELESTIA.

Our conscience is not the vessel of eternal verities. It grows with our social life, and a new social condition means a radical change in conscience. WALTER LlPPMANN, EDITOR, JOURNALIST, A PREFACE TO POLITICS, 1913.

English poet Michael Drayton was popular for his odes in the style of Horace. His historical heroic poem Mortimeriados (1596) contains the line "Every houre he dyes, which ever feares," which some lexicographers take as the origin of "cowards die many times before their death." The

Words to Live By

modern wording appeared a few years later in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar:

Cowards die many times before their deaths;

The valiant never taste of death but once.

Of all the wonders that I yet have heard.

It seems to me most strange that men should fear;

Seeing that death, a necessary end,

Will come when it will come. Act II, Scene II.

American Presidents on Conscience and Understanding

We should be very cautious not to violate the rights of conscience in others, ever considering that God alone is the judge of the hearts of men, and to Him only. . . are they answerable. GEORGE WASHINGTON, TO BENEDICT Arnold, September 1775.

Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience. George Washington, Early copybook, 1746.

It behooves every man who values liberty of conscience for himself to resist invasion of it in the case of others. THOMAS JEFFERSON, TO BENJAMIN RUSH,

April 1803.

Conscience is the most sacred of all property . . . To guard a man's house as his castle, to pay public and enforce private debts with the most exact faith, can give no title to invade a man's conscience which is more sacred than his castle. James Madison, National Gazette, March 29, 1792.

My conscience stands void of offense, and will go quietly with me, regardless of the insinuations o those who, through management, may seek an influence not sanctioned by integrity and merit. ANDREW JACKSON, TO SAMUEL SWART-wout, February 22, 1824.

No client every had money enough to bribe my conscience, or to stop its utterance against wrong, and oppression. My conscience is my own, my creator's,

Different strokes for different folks not mans. ABRAHAM LINCOLN, 1856.

Let it, then, be henceforth proclaimed to the world, that mans conscience was created free; that he is no longer accountable to his fellow man for his religious opinions, being responsible therefore only to his God. JOHN TYLER.

/ hold that a man cannot serve the people well unless he serves his conscience; but I hold also that where his conscience bids him refuse to do what the people desire, he should not try to continue in office against their will. Our government system should be so shaped that the public servant, when he cannot conscientiously carry out the wishes of the people, shall at their desire leave his office and not misrepresent them in office; and I hold that the public servant can by so doing, better than in any other way, serve both them and his conscience. Theodore Roosevelt, to the Progressive National Convention, Chicago, Illinois, August 1912.

If I may be credited with one desire ore than another it is to act as an apostle of understanding. I have been trying to preach understanding ever since I came to the Presidency, for I believe that understanding is the remedy for nearly all our ills. If the nations of the world could have a complete and ample understanding each with the other, there never would be war. WARREN G.

Harding, Speech at Wrangell, Alaska, July 9, 1923.

Our understanding of how to live — live with one another — is still far behind our knowledge of how to destroy one another. LYNDON B. JOHNSON, TO THE

United Nations General Assembly, December 17, 1963.

One rotten apple spoils the whole barrel ♦

Dan Michel, prose writer; Prick of Conscience, c. 1340

This maxim arose for a very practical reason: it's true. People harvested apples and packed them into wooden barrels, the barrels themselves being none too clean. Before the days of preservatives and refrigeration, one rotten apple, containing a worm and dropped into a bacteria-encrusted barrel, quickly spread its contagion. Apple pickers were

Words to Live By

warned to reject even slightly rotted fruit.

The adage first appeared in Ayenbite of Inwyt (1340; Prick of Conscience), by Anglo-French prose writer Dan Michel of Northgate. One of the few notable prose stylists of the early 14th century, he wrote in Kentish, a Middle English dialect: "A roted eppel amang the holen maketh rotie they yzounde"—"A rotted apple among the bunch makes them all rotten." One bad person can make all his associates appear bad.

Chaucer included the saying in The Canterbury Tales (c. 1378-1386): "Wei bet is roten appel out of hord / Than that it rotie al the remenaunt."

The adage appeared in Treatise Against Dicing (1577), a treatise against gambling with dice and other "idle pastimes"), by John Northbrooke: "A rotten apple layd among sounde apples, which will rot all the rest."

Proverb collector James Howell, in Proverbs in English, Italian, French, and Spanish (1659), made the maxim overly explicit: "The rotten apple spoils his companions." This is the version that Benjamin Franklin included in Poor Richards Almanack (1736),

According to Stuart and Doris Flexner, in Wise Words and Wives' Tales (1993), "The idea of spoiling 'the whole barrel' apparently did not appear until the 1900s, in variants like A rotten officer is like a rotted apple; he spoils the whole barrel' (1937, Here's to Crime by Courtney R. Cooper) and 'It would take but one rotten apple to spoil the whole barrel' (1960, Bullet Pro of \sy Amber Dean)."

When, though, is "an apple" really rotten?

There is so much good in the worst of us, And so much bad in the best of us, That it hardly becomes any of us To talk about the rest of us. Edward Wallis Hock, "Good and Bad. "

Evil to him who evil thinks ♦

Motto of the Order of the Garter; 1349

Different strokes for different folks

The maxim suggests that one who harbors vindictive thoughts ends up the victim of bad luck. A modern rendering might be "negative thoughts damage one's health." The mind affects the body. There is an interesting story behind the saying.

At an English court ball in the early 14th century, the countess of Salisbury's tie-on garter fell off while she was dancing. Everyone present started to laugh except King Edward III. He picked up the garter and, instead of returning it, tied it just above his own knee, saying to the guests: Honi soit qui maly pense, "Evil to him who evil thinks." Noblemen have traditionally followed the lead of kings, and around 1348 English courtiers began to wear garters. The next year the king established the Most Noble Order of the Garter, which took as its motto Edward s own words.

Five thoughts on tolerance:

Tolerance is the only real test of civilization. ARTHUR HELPS, BRITISH AUTHOR.

Tolerance is the positive and cordial effort to understand another s beliefs, practices, and habits without necessarily sharing or accepting them. JOSHUA L. LlEBMAN, AUTHOR.

In the practice of tolerance, ones enemy is the best teacher. FOURTEENTH

Dalai Lama.

People tolerate those they fear further than those they love. EDGAR WATSON Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911.

Mankind are greater gainers by suffering each other to live as seems good to themselves, than by compelling each to live as seems good to the rest. JOHN Stuart Mill, On Liberty, 1859.

Pray hard against your neighbor and you bring a curse on yourself ♦

Words to Live By

Aesop; 6th century B.C.E.

/"*ong before the Order of the Garter, Aesop's fable "J u pi ter and the X. Bee" attempted to explain why a bee dies after stinging a victim:

Long, long ago there was an industrious bee who had stored her combs with a bountiful harvest. One day she decided to fly up to heaven to present an offering of honey to Jupiter. The god was so delighted with the bees gift that she promised her she should have whatever her heart desired.

"Oh, great Jupiter, my creator and my master, I beg you to give me, your humble servant, a stinger, so that when anyone approaches my hive to take honey, I may kill him on the spot. "

Jupiter was surprised to hear such a bloodthirsty request from such a humble creature. Becoming angry, he said:

"Your prayer shall not be granted in exactly the way you wish. But the stinger you ask for you shall have. When anyone comes to take away your honey and you attack him, the wound shall be fatal. But it shall be fatal to you, too, for your life shall go with your stinger. "

moral: Pray hard against your neighbor and you bring a curse on yourself.

Ten Sages on Intolerance

I have seen gross intolerance shown in support of tolerance. SAMUEL TAYLOR Coleridge, poet.

Nothing dies so hard, or rallies so often as intolerance. HENRY WARD Beecher, preacher, editor, writer.

No loss by flood and lightning, no destruction of cities and temples by the hostile forces of nature, has deprived man of so many noble lives and impulses as those which his intolerance has destroyed. HELEN KELLER.

Intolerance is a form of egotism, and to condemn egotism intolerantly is to

Different strokes for different folks share it. GEORGE SANTAYANA, PHILOSOPHER.

The devil loves nothing better than the intolerance of reformers. JAMES RUS-

sell Lowell, poet and critic.

Laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression; in order that everyman present his views without penalty there must be a spirit of tolerance in the entire population. Albert Einstein, Out of My Later Years, 1950.

Whoever kindles the flames of intolerance in America is lighting afire underneath his own home. HAROLD E. STASSEN.

We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us. MALCOLM X, SAYING, QUOTED IN THE 1992 MOVIE, MALCOLM X.

Intolerance is the 'Do Not Touch' sign on something that cannot bear touching. We do not mind having our hair ruffled, but we will not tolerate any familiarity with the toupee that covers our baldness. ERIC HOFFER, philosopher, The Passionate State of Mind, 1955.

/ hate people who are intolerant. LAURENCE J. PETER, WRITER.

Zeal, when it is a virtue, is a dangerous one ♦

Thomas Fuller; Adages and Proverbs, 1732

yT zealot is a dangerously intolerant person, whereas someone V^^Xjl whose favorite refrain is "I told you so" can be merely annoying.

The words "zeal" and "zealot" are related. "Zeal," from the Greek zelos, meaning "ardor," expresses intense enthusiasm. "Devotion" and "passion" are two of its synonyms. "Zealot" is from the Greek zelotes, meaning "an ardent or fanatic follower."

History's original "Zealots" were an uncompromising band of ancient Jews, members of a radical political and religious sect who openly resisted Roman rule in Palestine during the 1st century C.E. The sect's passionate

Words to Live By

George Gordon, Lord Byron.

concern for the national and religious life of the Jewish people led them to despise even Jews who sought peace and conciliation with the Roman authorities. Extremists among them turned to terrorism and assassination, and became known as "dagger men." They frequented public places to strike down persons friendly to Rome. The word "zealot" in time came to mean any fanatical person.

The maxim "zeal, when it is a virtue, is a dangerous one" was recorded as a "new proverb" in Thomas Fullers Gnomologia: Adagies and Proverbs (1732). But Fuller, a British scholar and preacher known for his wit, may not have invented it. About a hundred years earlier a similar maxim appeared as a rhyme in The Scourge of Folly (1611) by British writer and adventurer John Davies: "Zeale without knowledge is a sister of Folly: But though it be witless, men hold it most holly [holy]."

Fuller had something else to say about excessive zeal: "Zeal without

Different strokes for different folks Knowledge is Fire without Light."

I told you so ♦

Lord Byron; Don Juan, 1823

rhis smug phrase has been traced back in print to George Gordon, Lord Byron, and his masterwork Don Juan.

Of all the horrid, hideous notes of woe, Sadder than owl songs or the midnight blast, Is that pretentious phrase, "I told you so. "

Four thoughts on understanding:

No law or ordinance is mightier than understanding. PLATO.

All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. LEO Tol-STOY, WRITER.

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. MARIE CURIE, PHYSICIST, DISCOVERER OF RADIUM.

Understanding is a two-way street. ELEANOR ROOSEVELT, FIRST LADY.

CHAPTER

The pen

is mightier

than the sword

FREEDOM

& Se If- Fu Ifi Urn e nt

■-KXX V

definition: Psychologically, freedom is the capacity to make "free" choices concerning ones life. Socially, it is the ability to act on those choices without interference from others.

word origin: From the Old English freo, meaning "noble, " "not in bondage. "

significance: The degree of freedom an individual possesses determines the extent to which she control her life, maximizes her potential, and achieves self-fulfillment.

related virtues: Individualism, justice, human rights, free enterprise.

opposite traits: Slavery and bondage.

The land of the free and the home of the brave ♦

Francis Scott Key; The Star-Spangled Banner, 1814

^*~r*^his patriotic maxim is the epithet of the United States. It embodies JL the dual virtues of freedom and courage—the latter having won the former during the American Revolution. The line was penned by American lawyer and poet Francis Scott Key in his poem "The Star-Spangled Banner," first published in the Baltimore American on September 21, 1814. The events that led to the writing of the poem, which was later put to music, were discussed in Chapter 1 (under the maxim "In God We Trust"). The song became the official national anthem on March 3, 1931:

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Give me liberty or give me death ♦

"The Star-Spangled

Banner," originally a

poem written in 1814,

became the official

anthem of the United

States in 1931.

Words to Live By

Patrick Henry; Second Virginia Convention, 1775

^TTJatrick Henry was a brilliant orator and a major figure of the Ameri-JL can Revolution. He called on the thirteen colonies to revolt against England and is best remembered for his fiery battle cry "give me liberty or give me death." Son of John Henry, a well-educated Scotsman who served in America as a colonel and justice, Patrick was tutored by his father, became a lawyer, and at an early age displayed mesmerizing skills as an orator. Everyone familiar with him appreciated his gift for public speaking.

His oratorical genius had first been revealed in the trial known as the Parson's Cause (1763). This suit grew out of the Virginia law, disallowed by King George III, that permitted payment of the Anglican clergy in money instead of tobacco when the tobacco crop was poor. Henry astonished the courtroom with his eloquence in invoking the doctrine of natural rights, the political theory that man is born with certain inalienable rights.

Two years later, at the capitol in Williamsburg, where he had just been seated as a member of the House of Burgesses (the lower house of the colonial legislature), he delivered a speech opposing the Stamp Act, requiring certain colonial publications and documents to bear a legal stamp. Henry offered a series of resolutions asserting the right of the colonies to legislate independently of Parliament, and he supported these resolutions with great eloquence. "Caesar had his Brutus, Charles the First his Cromwell, and George III . . ." Here he was interrupted by cries of "Treason! treason!" But he concluded ". . . may profit by their example. If this be treason, make the most of it."

At the Second Virginia Convention, on March 23, 1775, in St. John's Church, Richmond, he delivered the speech that assured his fame as one of the great advocates of liberty. Convinced that war with Great Britain was inevitable, he presented strong resolutions for equipping the Virginia militia to fight against the British and defended them in a fiery speech, ending with:

Gentlemen may cry, peace, peace! — but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the North will bring to our

The pen is mightier than the sword

mm

The Legend of Betsy Ross and the Flag

ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that Gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!

Let freedom ring ♦

Martin Luther King, Jr.; Lincoln Memorial Speech, 1963

(^*TT ew people in modem times have more eloquently expressed human-JL ity s basic craving for freedom than civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr. The phrase "Let freedom ring" comes from the song "My Country, Tis of Thee." King's poetically repetitive use of the phrase, delivered in a 1963 speech at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C., immediately turned it into a maxim that would live beyond his lifetime:

Words to Live By

The Liberty Bell.

So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado,

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that.

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi, from every Mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and hamlet, from every state and city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Catholics and Protestants will be able to join hands and to sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last, free at last; thank God Almighty, we are free at last. "

The pen is mightier than the sword

Freedom of speech, freedom of worship, freedom from want, freedom from fear ♦

Franklin D. Roosevelt's Four Freedoms; Message to Congress, 1941

sf~s Adolf Hitler's troops ravaged Europe, President Roosevelt, in V^/I his January 6, 1941, message to Congress, outlined four basic freedoms that all people hold dear and crave:

We look forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms. The first is freedom of speech and expression— everywhere in the world.

The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way — everywhere in the world.

The third is freedom from want— which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants — everywhere in the world.

The fourth is freedom from fear— which, translated into world terms, means a worldwide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor — anywhere in the world.

Lean freedom is better than fat slavery ♦

Aesop; 6th Century B.C.E.

/n one of his most popular fables, "The House Dog and the Wolf," Aesop demonstrated that any degree of freedom, no matter how small, is to be preferred to the gentlest form of slavery:

The moon was shining very bright one night when a lean, half-starved wolf whose ribs were almost sticking through his skin, happened to meet a plump, well-fed house dog. After the first compliments had been passed between them, the wolf inquired:

*53

Words to Live By

ff ,: Free speech, free press, free assembly.

mm-

"How is it, cousin dog, that you look so sleek and contented? Try as I may can barely find enough food to keep me from starvation. "

Alas, cousin wolf," said the house dog, "you lead too irregular a life. Why do you not work steadily as I do?"

"I would gladly work steadily if I could only get a place, " said the wolf.

"That's easy," replied the dog. "Come with me to my masters house and help me keep the thieves away at night. "

"Gladly, " said the wolf, "for as I am living in the woods I am having a sorry time of it. There is nothing like having a roof over one's head and a bellyful of victuals always at hand. "

"Follow me, " said the dog.

While they were trotting along together the wolf spied a mark on the dog's neck. Out of curiosity he could not help but ask what had caused

The pen is mightier than the sword

Aesop's "The House Dog and the Wolf.'

it.

"Oh, that's nothing much, " replied the dog. "Perhaps my collar was a little too tight, the collar to which my chain if fastened —"

"Chain!" cried the wolf in surprise. "You don't mean to tell me that you are not free to rove where you please?"

"Why, not exactly, " said the dog, somewhat shame-faced. "You see, my master thinks I am a bit fierce, and ties me up in the daytime. But he lets me run free at night. It really is very convenient for everybody. I get plenty of sleep during the day so that I can watch better at night. I really am a great favorite at the house. The master feeds me off his own plate, and the servants are continually offering me handouts from the kitchen. But wait, where are you going?"

As the wolf started back toward the forest he said: "Good night to you, my poor friend, you are welcomed to your dainties — and your chains. As for me, I prefer my freedom to your fat. "

moral: Lean freedom is better than fat slavery.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink ♦

John Heywood; All the Proverbs in the English Tongue, 1546

Words to Live By

This adage, an expression of freedom and of free will, suggests that you can tell a person what is best for him, but you cannot force him to behave, even in his own best interest.

It was first recorded by playwright John Heywood, whose short dramatic sketches helped put English drama on the road to the fully developed stage comedies of the Elizabethans. Heywood replaced the older biblical allegory and morality play with a comedy involving contemporary people in real-life, everyday dilemmas. His characters spoke in the language of the day and used cliches and maxims. In A Dialogue Containing the Number in Effect of All the Proverbs in the Englishe Tongue (1546), Heywood wrote: "A man maie well bring a horse to the water, But he cannot make him drinke without he will."

A variation appeared in George Herbert's Jacula Prudentum (1640): "You may bring a horse to the river, but he will drink when and what he pleaseth."

Wishing to state the maxim more forcefully, Benjamin Franklin wrote to a friend: "Though you may lead a horse to water, ten can't make him drink."

The wording closest to the modern version was given by English novelist and naval officer Frederick Marryat in The King's Own (1830): "You can take a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink." Marryat was one of the early English novelists to make full and amusing use of his experience at sea.

Modern wit Dorothy Parker created her own variation: "You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think."

Four thoughts on freedom:

Freedom is the right to create for oneself the alternatives of choice. Without the possibility of choice and the exercise of choice a man is not a man but a member, an instrument, a thing. ARCHIBALD MacLeish, AMERICAN POET AND PUBLIC OFFICIAL.

Freedom is not constituted primarily of privileges but of responsibilities. ALBERT Camus, writer, philosopher.

The pen is mightier than the sword

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. THOMAS PAINE, AMERICAN PATRIOT.

The American feels so rich in his opportunities for free expression that he often no longer knows what he is free from. ERIK H. ERIKSON, PSYCHOLOGIST,

Childhood and Society, 1950.

The pen is mightier than the sword ♦

Counter-Reformation Motto; Institution of a Christian Prince, 1571

This maxim has long been a favorite of writers and legislators. It's an expression of free thought, free speech, and the notion that ideas are mightier than brute force. It was first voiced in a religious context, during the Counter-Reformation of Christianity, and appeared in Institution of a Christian Prince (1571): "There is no sworde to bee feared more than the Learned pen."

English playwright George Whetstone gave the adage his own spin in Heptameron (1582): "The dashe of a Pen, is more greeuous then the counter use of a Launce."

English poet William King paraphrased the maxim in The Eagle and the Robin (1712): "A sword less hurt does, than a pen."

Jefferson. In a letter to pamphleteer Thomas Paine, Thomas Jefferson wrote: "Go on doing with your pen what in other times was done with the sword."

The modern wording is attributed to English novelist and poet Lord Edward Bulwer-Lytton in his play Richelieu (1839): "The pen is mightier than the sword."

Three thoughts on freedom:

Freedom is not something that anybody can be given, freedom is something people take. James Baldwin, Nobody Knows My Name.

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. MARTIN LUTHER KING, Jr.

Words to Live By

Caged birds accept each other but flight is what they long for. TENNESSEE Williams, Camino Real

American Presidents on Freedo

m

Freedom of religion, freedom of the press, freedom of person under the protection of the habeas corpus; and trial by juries impartially selected — these principles form the bright constellation which has gone before us. THOMAS Jefferson, First Annual Message to Congress, 1801.

Posterity! You will never know how much it cost the present generation to preserve your freedom! I hope you will make good use of it! If you do not, I shall repent it in Heaven that I ever took half the pains to preserve it! JOHN Adams, in a letter to his wife, Abigail, 1777.

In America, a glorious fire has been lighted upon the altar of liberty. . . let the sparks that continually go up from it fall on other altars, and light up in distant lands the fire of freedom. WILLIAM HENRY HARRISON, 1840.

John Adams.

The pen is mightier than the sword

My faith in the proposition that each man should do precisely as he pleases with all which is exclusively his own lies at the foundation of the sense of justice there is in me. I extend the principle to communities of men as well as to individuals. ABRAHAM LINCOLN, 1854.

. . . That this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom. ABRAHAM Lincoln, Gettysburg Address.

A free man cannot be long an ignorant man. WILLIAM McKlNLEY.

Free speech, exercised both individually and through a free press, is a necessity in any country where the people are themselves free. THEODORE ROOSEVELT, 1918.

Only free people can hold their purpose and their honor steady to a common end, and prefer the interests of mankind to any narrow interest of their own.

Woodrow Wilson, 1917.

We have learned that freedom in itself is not enough. Freedom of speech is of no use to a man who has nothing to say. Freedom of worship is of no use to a man who has lost his God. FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT, CAMPAIGN SPEECH,

1940.

The winning of freedom is not to be compared to the winning of a game, with the victory recorded forever in history. Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirits of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed — else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die. DwiGHT D. Eisenhower, 1944.

America is best described by one word, freedom. DwiGHT D. EISENHOWER.

We stand for freedom . . . We are not against any man, or any nation, or any system, expect as it is hostile to freedom. JOHN F. KENNEDY, 1959.

The most powerful single force in the world today is neither Communism nor

Words to Live By

capitalism, neither the H-bomb nor the guided missile — it is man's eternal desire to be free. JOHN F. KENNEDY, 1957.

The unity of freedom has never relied on uniformity of opinion. JOHN F. Kennedy.

There is no denying that the winds of freedom are blowing, east and west. They are brisk and bracing winds, sweeping out the old and, I believe, ushering in a new ear of freedom, an era in which democracy is once again recognized as the new idea. RONALD REAGAN, ASIAN TOUR, APRIL 1986.

We've begun to restore great American values — the dignity of work, the warmth of family, the strength of neighborhood, and the nourishment of human freedom. Ronald Reagan, Television address, January 1984.

A new breeze is blowing and a world refreshed by freedom seems reborn . . . The totalitarian era is passing, its old ideas blown away like leaves from an ancient lifeless tree . . . The new breeze blows, a page turns, the story unfolds — and so today a chapter begins; a small and stately story of unity, diversity, and generosity. GEORGE BUSH, INAUGURAL ADDRESS, JANUARY 1989.

Freedom is too high a price to pay for revenge ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

/n his fable "The Horse and the Stag" Aesop created a memorable moral, while attempting to explain how the wild horse lost his freedom to human beings:

A bitter quarrel arose between the horse and the stag in the days when both creatures roamed wild in the forest. The horse came to the hunter to ask him to take his side in the feud.

The hunter agreed, but added: "If I am to help you punish the stag, you must let me place this iron bit in your mouth and this saddle upon your back."

The pen is mightier than the sword

Aesop's "The Horse and the Stag.

The horse was agreeable to the mans conditions and he soon was bridled and saddled. The hunter sprang into the saddle, and together they soon had put the stag to flight. When they returned, the horse said to the hunter: "Now if you will get off my back and remove the bid and saddle, I wont require your help any longer. "

"Not so fast, friend horse, " replied the hunter. "I have you under bit and spur, and from now on you shall remain the slave of man. "

And that is how the wild horse lost his freedom. Freedom is too high a price to say for revenge.

moral: Freedom is too high a price to pay for revenge.

Ten Sages on Freedom of Speech

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. Voltaire, French philosopher.

Freedom of speech does not give a person the right to shout Fire!' in a crowded theater. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, AMERICAN JURIST.

The sound of tireless voices is the price we pay for the right to hear the music

Words to Live By

of our own opinions. ADLAI STEVENSON, AMERICAN POLITICIAN.

Every man has a right to utter what he thinks is truth, and every man has a right to knock him down for it. SAMUEL JOHNSON, ENGLISH LEXICOGRAPHER.

Free speech does not live many hours after free industry and free commerce die. Herbert Hoover, U.S. President.

They tried their best to find a place where I was isolated. But all the resources of a superpower cannot isolate a man who hears the voice of freedom, a voice I heard from the very chamber of my soul. ANATOLY SHCHARANSKY, SOVIET DISSIDENT, ABOUT HIS IMPRISONMENT; IN A SPEECH, MAY 1986.

Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some peoples idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone says anything back, that is an outrage. WINSTON CHURCHILL, speech, House of Commons, October 1943.

The very aim and end of our institutions is just this: that we may think what we like and say what we think. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, JURIST, THE

Professor at the Breakfast- Table, 1860.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. Hubert H. Humphrey, speech to the National Student Association, 1965.

A people which is about to say everything becomes able to do everything. Napoleon I, Maxims.

Think before you speak ♦

Roger Edgeworth; Sermons Very Fruitfull, Godly, and Learned, 1557

The pen is mightier than the sword

^-"jrxanish religious philosopher Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) sets

JL^y the gem of wisdom "think before you speak" into an intriguing setting: "People hardly ever make use of the freedom they have; for example, freedom of thought. Instead, they demand freedom of speech as a compensation." In other words, don't "mouth off" about an issue dear to your heart until you've first cycled the opinion through your cerebral cortex. The secondary meaning is to consider not only the quality of your words but their impact on others or the situation one is in.

The maxim "think before you speak," advice that can prevent moments of red-faced embarrassment, first appeared in Roger Edgeworth's Sermons Very Fruitfull, Godly, and Learned (1557). Preacher Edgeworth's pulpit pronouncement went: "Thinke well and thou shalt speake well."

A slight variation appeared in Thomas Draxe's Bibliotheca Scholastica Instructissima, or a Treasurie of Ancient Adages (1616): "A man must first think and then speak."

In William Painter's Chaucer Newly Painted (1623), we read: "Think twice, then speak, the old Proverbe doth say, Yet Fooles their bolts will quickly shoot away"—only idiots shoot off their mouths. The maxim is at the heart of freedom of speech.

Two thoughts on freedom:

There can be no real freedom without the freedom to fail. ERIC HOFFER, The

Ordeal of Change.

Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err. MOHANDAS K. Gandhi, Indian political and spiritual leader.

Eight Sages on Freedom of Worship

I am for freedom of religion and against all maneuvers to bring about a legal ascendancy of one sect over another. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1799.

It is well that the stately synagogue should lift its walls by the side of the aspiring cathedral, a perpetual reminder that there are many mansions in the Fathers earthly house. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, JURIST, OVER THE

Words to Live By

Teacups, 1891.

The founders of the great world religions, Gautama Buddha, Jesus, Lao-Tzu, Mohammed, all seem to have striven for a worldwide brotherhood of man; but none of them could develop institutions which would include the enemy, the unbeliever. GEOFFREY GORER, "THE NEW YORK TlMES MAGAZINE,"

Nov. 27, 1966.

America's greatness has been the greatness of a free people who shared certain moral commitments. Freedom without moral commitment is aimless and promptly self destructive. JOHN W. GARDNER, FORMER SECRETARY OF

Health, Education, and Welfare.

No citizen enjoys genuine freedom of religious conviction until the state is indifferent to every form of religious outlook from Atheism to Zoroastrianism.

Harold J. Laski, A Grammar of Politics, 1925.

A religious body which denies legitimate freedom is in danger of becoming a demonic institution which blasphemously claims to be an absolute. W. NOR-MAN PlTTENGER, THE CHURCHMAN, 1958.

/ believe in a religion that believes in freedom. Any time I have to accept a religion that wont let me fight a battle for my people, I say to hell with that religion. Malcolm X, By Any Means Necessary, 1970.

What our constitution indispensably protects is the freedom of each of us, be he Jew or agnostic, Christian or atheist, Buddhist or free thinker, to believe or disbelieve, to worship or not to worship, to pray or keep silent, according to his own conscience, uncoerced and unrestrained by government. JUSTICE POTTER Stewart, U.S. Supreme Court, dissenting opinion, June 17, 1963.

F-r-e-e-d-o-m = "not in bondage"

Our word "free" comes from the Old English freo, meaning "not in bondage," "noble."

The pen is mightier than the sword

Abraham Lincoln: "In

giving freedom to the

slave we assure freedom

to the free."

There was an emotional content in the Indo-European base for the word "free": prei, which meant "to be fond of," or "to hold dear." The related Sanskrit word for "free," priya, also means "dear" or "desired friend." Thus, the English words "free" and "friend" share a common root.

Add to the word "free" the suffix dom, an Old English root meaning "state" or "condition," and you have "freedom"—the state of being free and the condition of being a friend. Friendship and freedom go hand in hand.

Three thoughts on freedom:

In giving freedom to the slave we assure freedom to the free — honorable alike in what we give and what we preserve. ABRAHAM LINCOLN,

Message to Congress, December 1862.

The most certain test by which we judge whether a country is really free is the amount of security enjoyed by minorities. JOHN E. DALBERG,

Lord Acton, British historian, The History of Freedom and Other Essays, 1907.

True freedom is to share

All the chains our brothers wear,

And, with heart and hand, to be

Words to Live By

Earnest to make others freel

James Russell Lowell, "Stanzas on Freedom, " 1843.

Do or die ♦

Scottish proverb, 16 th century

Let us die to make men free ♦

Julia Ward Howe; "Battle Hymn of the Republic," 1862

If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live ♦

Martin Luther King, Jr.; speech in Detroit, Michigan

T'o die for freedom is an ancient and noble ideal that has often been stated eloquently—succeed in fighting or die trying, give everything you have. "Do or die" originated as a Scottish proverb in the 16th century. Robert Burns, national poet of Scotland, incorporated it into a poem:

Lay the proud usurpers low! Tyrants fall in every foe! Liberty's in every blow! Let us do or die. Scots Wha Hae, 1794.

"Let us die to make men free" was penned by American author, lecturer, and composer of children's songs, Julia Ward Howe, in her best-known poem, "Battle Hymn of the Republic." Set to the tune of "John Brown's Body," the poem was first published in The Atlantic Monthly in February 1862. Later, moved by the plight of Civil War widows, Howe worked for equal educational, professional, and business opportunities for women. A stanza from her most famous song:

The pen is mightier than the sword

In the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea, With a glory in his bosom that transfigures you and me; As he died to make men holy, Let us die to make men free, While God is marching on.

Battle Hymn of the Republic.

Civic rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr., in a speech at Detroit, Michigan, added a powerful punch to the maxim: "If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live."

All men are created equal ♦

American Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776

One of many brilliant expressions that Thomas Jefferson put into the Declaration of Independence, the phrase occurs in the Preamble:

We hold these Truths to be self evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

When John Hancock put his pen to the parchment document, he

i&?#zm

Where Thomas

Jefferson signed

the Declaration

of Independence.

Words to Live By

scrawled his name in larger letters, saying to onlookers, "There, I guess King George will be able to read that!' The signature became so famous for its outrageous size and statement of defiance that the term "John Hancock" entered the language as a reference to anyone's signature: "He put his John Hancock on it."

A century later Abraham Lincoln invoked the phrase on at least two occasions:

If the Negro is a man, why then my ancient faith teaches me that "all men are created equal," and that there can be no moral right in connection with one mans making a slave of another. RESPONSE TO Stephen A. Douglass, Peoria, Illinois.

/ think the authors of that notable instrument [the Declaration of Independence] intended to include all men, but they did not intend to declare all men equal in all respects. They did not mean to say all were equal in color, size, intellect, moral developments, or social capacity. They defined with tolerable distinctness in what respects they did consider all men created equal — equal with "certain inalienable rights, among which are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. " They said that, and this they meant. SPEECH IN SPRINGFIELD, ILLINOIS.

We shall overcome ♦

Title of a pre—Civil War song

The song whose title suggested that blacks would one day achieve true equality became the anthem of the 1960s civil rights movement. But "We Shall Overcome" predates the Civil War, a battle sparked by the issue of slavery that pitted North against South. Around 1900 it was worked into a Baptist hymn, "I'll Overcome Some Day," by the Reverend Charles Albert Tindley, one of the most prominent gospel music composers of the day:

We shall overcome, we shall overcome, We shall overcome some day.

The pen is mightier than the sword

Oh deep in my heart I do believe, We shall overcome some day.

Four thoughts on freedom:

/ only regret that I have hut one life to give for my country. NATHAN Hale's LAST WORDS BEFORE BEING HANGED BY THE BRITISH AS A SPY.

If all mankind, minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind. JOHN STUART MlLL, On LIBERTY, 1859.

The purpose of freedom is to create it for others. BERNARD MALAMUD, AUTHOR.

What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed, if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated. THOMAS PaINE'S SPEECH "THESE ARE THE TIMES THAT TRY MEN'S SOULS."

Government of the people, by the people, for the people ♦

John Wycliffe (c. 1330-1384), English Church Reformer

I

n his Gettysburg Address of 1863, Abraham Lincoln attempted to define democracy in a simple phrase that anyone could understand:

. . . we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.

But the phrase had been used on several previous occasion, sometimes

Words to Live By with variations, other times verbatim:

• The people's Government, made for the people, by the people, and answerable to the people. Daniel Webster, American orator and politician, in a Senate speech on January 26, 1830.

• A democracy—that is a government of all the people, by all the people, for all the people. Theodore Parker, American preacher and social reformer, delivering an antislavery speech in Boston on May 29, 1850. Historians believe this was Lincoln's inspiration.

The oldest recorded usage of the phrase dates to the mid-14th century. English theologian, philosopher, and church reformer John Wycliffe promoted the first complete translation of the Bible into English and labeled it: "This Bible is for the government of the people, by the people and for the people."

In giving rights to others which belong to them, we give rights to ourselves and to our country ♦

John F. Kennedy; on the 100th Anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation

The Emancipation Proclamation, which was intended to end slavery in America, was issued by President Abraham Lincoln on September 22, 1862. Here are the document's historic words:

. . . On the 1st day of January, in the year of our Lord 1863, all persons held as slaves within any state or designated part of a state . . . shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free . . . The executive government of the United States, including the military and naval authority thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of such persons and will do not act or acts to repress such person, or any of them, in any efforts they may make for their actual freedom . . .

/ do order and declare that all persons held as slaves within said designated states and parts of state are, and henceforward shall be, free; and that the executive government of the United States, including the

The pen is mightier than the sword

military and naval authorities thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons . . .

I hereby enjoin upon the people so declared to be free to abstain from all violence, unless in necessary self-defense; and I recommend that, in all cases when allowed, they labor faithfully for reasonable wages . . .

I further declare and make known that such persons of suitable condition will be received into the armed service of the United States to garrison forts, positions, stations, and other places, and to man vessels of all sorts in said service.

And upon this act, sincerely believed to be an act of justice, warranted by the Constitution upon military necessity, I invoke the considerate judgment of mankind and the gracious favor of Almighty God.

Lincoln on freedom:

This is a world of compensations; and he who be no slave, must consent to have no slave. Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, cannot long retain it. LETTER TO H. L. PIERCE.

American Presidents on Freedom of the Press

Anyone who reads a daily newspaper, weekly magazine, supermarket tabloid—or, for that matter, watches television news—realizes that the American press is free—some say too free. American presidents, while championing a free press, have noted how the press has sometimes abused its freedom, and many presidents have felt unfairly attacked. Praise for a free press, and griping about personal attacks, goes way back.

Here is what presidents have said in favor of freedom of a press, and against their own treatment:

The media are far more powerful than the president in creating public awareness and shaping public opinion, for the simple reason that the media always have the last word. RICHARD NlXON, THE MEMOIRS OF RICHARD NlXON, 1978.

Words to Live By

Benjamin Harrison.

Thomas Jefferson pointed out that no government ought to be without censors. I can assure you, where the press is free, none will ever be needed. LYNDON B.

Johnson, 1964.

/. . . will die for the freedom of the press, even for the freedom of newspapers that call me everything that is a good deal less than . . . a gentleman. Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1945.

Freedom of conscience, of education, of speech, of assembly are among the very fundamentals of democracy and all of them would be nullified should freedom of the press ever be successfully challenged. FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT, 1940.

I find that it is absolutely useless to try to correct untruths and misrepresentations even of the most flagrant kind in the newspapers. THEODORE ROOSEVELT, 1907.

The newspapers must not be taken too seriously. BENJAMIN HARRISON, 1901.

The chief danger which threatens the influence and honor of the press is the

The pen is mightier than the sword

An assassin shoots at James Garfield.

tendency of its liberty to degenerate into license. JAMES A. GARFIELD, 1878.

With customary newspaper exaggeration of army news, we may be sure that in tomorrows prints . . . all the little Colt's revolvers will have grown into horse-pistols. Abraham Lincoln, War Years, 1862.

/ must be the head of my own administration, and will not be controlled by any newspaper, or particular individual whom it serves. JAMES K. POLK, TO Andrew Jackson, 1845.

It is the object of all who really take an interest in the honor and welfare of our country to elevate the character of the press and make it the vehicle of truth and useful knowledge. ANDREW JACKSON, 1831.

When the press is free, and every man is able to read, all is safe. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1816.

*73

Words to Live By

Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be hunted without being lost. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1786.

Perhaps an editor might. . . divide his paper into four chapters; heading the first. Truths; 2nd, Probabilities; 3rd, Possibilities; 4th, Lies. THOMAS JEFFERSON, 1807.

History repeats itself ♦

George Eliot, novelist; Scenes of Clerical Life, 1857

One advantage of freedom is that it allows people the opportunity to make wise choices and thus avoid repeating mistakes. That this doesn't always happen is at the heart of the maxim that says each new generation does not necessarily learn from the actions of its predecessors.

Credit for the adage usually goes to English novelist George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans), who wrote in Scenes of Clerical Life (1857; in the section "Janet's Repentance"): "History, we know, is apt to repeat itself." The exact modern wording was given later in Henry Sedley's Marion Rooke (1865): "history repeats itself."

The truth embodied in the adage had been expressed by Greek historian Thucydides, in his massive history of the Peloponnesian War (c. 400 B.C.E.): "I shall be content if those shall pronounce my history useful who desire to have a clear view both of the events which have happened, and of those which will some day . . . happen again in a same or similar way." When it came to war, Thucydides was certain history repeated itself over and over again.

The maxim was a favorite of Mark Twain, who used it in his Sketches (1874), and James Joyce, in Ulysses (1922).

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it •

George Santayana, Spanish-American philosopher; The Life of Reason, 1905

The pen is mightier than the sword

/n 1905, Spanish-American poet, philosopher, and humanist George Santayana published a major theoretical work, in five volumes, titled The Life of Reason. The opus had been conceived in his student days after having read Hegel's Phenomenology of Mind. Santayana summed up the theme of his five volumes as "a presumptive biography of the human intellect."

A life of reason, for Santayana, was not restricted to purely intellectual activities; for reason, in all of its manifestations, is really a blend of rational thought and human impulse. Human beings are both thinking creatures and impulsive ones. A life of reason, said Santayana, occurred when human instinct became reflective and enlightened. In his massive work he gave a memorable variation of the maxim "history repeats itself": "Thos_ who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

I have not yet begun to fight ♦

Attributed to John Paul Jones, 1779

Don't give up the ship ♦

Attributed to Captain James Lawrence, 1813

Our country, right or wrong ♦

Attributed to Stephen Decatur, 1816

These battle cries have achieved the status of maxims, which means they can be applied metaphorically to other situations. None of them was written down until years later, and thus they are attributed to people who were supposed to have uttered them.

"I have not yet begun to fight" can be used by anyone undertaking a difficult legal or political battle, or facing any sort of overwhelming odds. It is attributed to American naval hero John Paul Jones, his reply to a British demand that he surrender his sinking ship, the Bonhomme Richard, in 1779. Rather than surrender, Jones and his men boarded the British vessel and spectacularly won the battle.

Words to Live By

John Paul Jones.

"Don't give up the ship" simply means "don't throw in the towel," "don't give up," "don't surrender"—whatever the fight might be about. It is attributed to Captain James Lawrence, commander of the American frigate Chesapeake. On June 1, 1813, Lawrence was mortally wounded in a battle with the British frigate Shannon, but he supposedly issued this order: "Tell the men to fire faster and not to give up the ship. Fight her till she sinks."

"Our country, right or wrong," the cry of a true patriot, is attributed to American naval officer Stephen Decatur. In April 1816, he allegedly toasted guests at a dinner held in Norfolk, Virginia: "Our country! In her intercourse with foreign nations may she always be in the right. But our country, right or wrong." Some erroneously use the phrase to suggest that one should support the policies of one's country whatever one thinks of them. In fact, the saying, while acknowledging loyalty, admits the possibility that one's country can be wrong—and the hope that it will not be.

Two thoughts on freedom:

You can only protect your liberties in this world by protecting the other mans

The pen is mightier than the sword

Captain James Lawrence: "Tell the men to fire faster and not to give up the ship. Fight till she sinks. "

freedom. You can only be free if I am free. CLARENCE S. DARROW, AMERICAN ATTORNEY, PEOPLE V. LLOYD, 1920.

The Bill of Rights is a born rebel. It reeks with sedition. In every clause it shakes its fist in the face of constituted authority . . . it is the one guarantee of human freedom to the American people. FRANK COBB, EDITOR, NEW YORK

World.

Let my people go ♦

Old Testament, Exodus 5:1

£~~T~'he wish for individual freedom is ancient. The Hebrew prophet .£ Moses, some 3,500 years ago, expressed freedom in a succinct statement when he and his elder brother demanded release from the Egyptians who held the Israelites in bondage:

Words to Live By

And afterward Moses and Aaron went in, and told Pharaoh, Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Let my people go, that they may hold a feast unto me in the wilderness. EXODUS 5:1

Moses let Aaron speak to the pharaoh because, he admitted, "I am not eloquent... I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue."

The pharaoh was not moved by the plea; "I know not your Lord," he said, "and neither will I let Israel go" (5:2). He imposed harsh, new sufferings on the Israelites, and God—none too surprised—said to Moses, "Now you will see what I will do to Pharaoh." God delivered a series of brutal plagues on Egypt (ten or seven, Scripture gives conflicting numbers)—blood, frogs, flies, death of cattle, giant hail, locusts, gnats, boils, darkness, and the swift murder of first-born sons. Egypt let the Israelites go. Unfortunately, freedom for the wandering Israelites was not all they thought it would be.

Two thoughts on freedom:

After you get your freedom, your enemy will respect you. MALCOLM X, CIVIL RIGHTS LEADER.

Only free men can negotiate; prisoners cannot enter into negotiations. Your freedom and mine cannot be separated. NELSON MANDELA, SOUTH African reformer, on refusing to bargain for freedom after more than twenty years in prison.

You never miss the water till the well runs dry ♦

James Carmichael; Collection of Scottish Proverbs, c. 1628

T'his maxim can literally be applied to water and thirst but is most often used metaphorically and with regard to freedom. Freedoms of speech, assembly, and worship are so commonplace in the Western world it's often said that no one appreciates how precious they really are until deprived of them. The maxim first appeared in James Carmichael's Collection of Scottish Proverbs (1628) and was reprinted in James Kelly's A Complete Collection of Scottish Proverbs (1721): "We'll never know the worth of

The pen is mightier than the sword

waer till the well go dry."

Benjamin Franklin, in Poor Richard's Almanack (1746), gave the adage as: "When the well's dry, we know the worth of water."

But the sentiment contained in the maxim is ancient. As recorded in Plutarch's Lives (late 1st century C.E.), which recounts the noble deeds of Greek and Roman soldiers, legislators, orators, and statesmen, it had first appeared in ancient Greece, during the reign of Pericles (5th century B.C.E.). Pericles became upset when his trusted counsel, the philosopher Anaxagoras, decided to commit suicide. The philosopher, who had not felt adequately appreciated, is said to have replied: "It is when they miss the lamp that men wish to pour in oil."

Four thoughts on freedom:

It is dangerous to take human freedom for granted, to regard it as a prerogative rather than as an obligation, as an ultimate fact rather than as an ultimate goal It is the beginning of wisdom to be amazed at the fact of our being free. ABRAHAM JOSHUA HESCHEL, THE INSECURITY OF FREEDOM.

Freedom does not mean that right to do whatever we please, but rather to do whatever we ought. . . The right to do whatever we please reduces freedom to a physical power and forgets that freedom is a moral power. BISHOP FULTON J. Sheen, 1968.

Too much liberty is as life-destroying as too much restraint. ALDOUS HUXLEY, Do What You Will, 1929.

A mans worst difficulties begin when he is about to do as he likes. THOMAS Henry Huxley, Collected Essays, 1902.

Freedom is a habit ♦

Title of a poem by Carl Sandburg (1878-1967)

Freedom is a habit and a coat worn some born to wear it

Words to Live By

some never to know it. Freedom is cheap or again as a garment is so costly men pay their lives rather than not have it. Freedom is baffling: men having it often know not they have it till it is gone and they no longer have it. What does this mean? Is it a riddle? Yes, it is first of all in the primers of riddles. To be free is so-so: you can and you cant: walkers can have freedom only by never walking away their freedom unless they overrun: eaters have often outeaten their freedom to eat and drinkers overdrank their fine drinking freedom.

Fifteen 20th-century People on What Freedom Means to Them

There's a rebel lying deep in my soul. Anytime anybody tells me the trend is such and such, I go in the opposite direction. I hate the idea of trends. I hate imitation. I have a reverence for individuality. Clint Eastwood.

Freedom is love: the more you give to others, the more you have. ALICE

The pen is mightier than the sword

The Statue of Liberty, an icon of Freedom.

Walker.

How many roads must a man walk down / Before you call him a man? BOB Dylan, "Blowin' in the Wind."

/ shall stay the way I am I Because I do not give a damn. DOROTHY PARKER.

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself Any direction you choose.

Dr. Seuss.

The best things and best people rise out of their separateness; I'm against a ho-

Words to Live By

mogenized society because I want the cream to rise. ROBERT FROST.

Many human beings enjoy sexual relations with their own sex; many don't; many respond to both. This plurality is part of our nature and not worth fretting about. Gore Vidal.

/ cant mate in captivity. GLORIA STEINEM, ON WHY SHE NEVER MARRIED.

You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. JOAN BAEZ.

Remember always that you have not only the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one. ELEANOR ROOSEVELT.

My grandmother, who was one of the greatest human beings I've ever known, used to say, "I am a child of God and I'm nobody's creature. " That to me defined the Black woman though the centuries. MAYA ANGELOU.

Freedom is a precious thing, and the inalienable birthright of all who travel this earth. PAUL ROBESON.

You can make me do nothing but die! RICHARD WRIGHT, NATIVE SON.

You can't separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom. MALCOLM X.

For every man who lives without freedom, the rest of us must face the guilt. Lillian Hellman, Watch on the Rhine.

My father was a slave and my people died to build this country, and I'm going to stay right here and have a part of it, just like you. And no fascist-minded people like you will drive me from it. Is that clear? PAUL ROBESON, TESTIFYING BEFORE THE HOUSE UN-AMERICAN ACTIVITIES COMMITTEE.

Every man has his price ♦

2 8 2

The pen is mightier than the sword British proverb, 18th Century

f~l reedom allows us the luxury of making mistakes and also the fool-JL hardiness of selling ourselves to the highest bidder. "Every man has is price," often called the maxim of worldly cynicism, suggests that most people will betray their principles if the price is high enough. Money can be one powerfully persuasive tool, as these actors have acknowledged:

Marlon Brando: The only reason I'm in Hollywood is that I don't have the moral courage to refuse the money.

Mickey Rooney: I made appearances at cocktail parties in Florida for five hundred dollars a pop, pretending to be an old friend of the host.

Ava Gardner: I do everything for a reason. Most of the time the reason is money.

Charlie Chaplin: I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it.

Richard Burton: I've done the most unutterable rubbish all because of money. I didn't need it. The lure of the zeros was simply too great.

The first version of the maxim in English appeared in a slim publication titled The Bee (c. 1734): "It is an old maxim that every man has his price." As the author makes clear, the saying was already well known. In fact, its earliest forerunner appeared in Roman satirist Juvenal's Satires (c. 120 C.E.): "All things at Rome have their price."

The Romans had two related sayings: 1) aureo hamo piscari, literally "to fish with a golden hook," figuratively meaning "money talks"; and 2) auro quaeque ianua panditur, which we know as "a golden key opens any door," but which translates literally as "any door is opened by gold."

George Washington used the English maxim often and in several variations: in a 1779 letter to a friend he wrote, "Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder."

Words to Live By

Many novelists have used the saying, including James Joyce (in Ulysses, 1922), Norman Mailer {The Naked and The Dead, 1948), and James Bond creator Ian Fleming {From Russia With Love, 1957).

Where there's a will, there's a way ♦

George Herbert; Jacula Prudentum, 1640

(~1& yfost modern freedom crusaders have employed this maxim to \^/ VJL convince their followers, often at a crusade's darkest hour, that victory was possible. The saying, though, fittingly applies to any challenge. It suggests that with sufficient determination—enough hope and grit—one can accomplish anything.

Every man has his price. The Money Devil from a satiric French handbill of 1650.

The pen is mightier than the sword

A version first appeared in English in George Herbert's Jacula Pruden-tum (1640; "Javelins of the Wise"): "To him that will, ways are not want-ing.

The modern wording appeared in England in the New Monthly Magazine (February 1822) and shortly thereafter in America in The Honest Mans Almanac (1838). It can be found in many forms, some humorous:

• Where there's a will, there's an estate.

• Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit.

• Where there's a will, there are relatives.

• Where there's a will, there's a poisoning.

Readers Digest in 1992 made the maxim very explicit: " 'Where there's a will, there's a way' is not the whole truth. Given the will, you still have to anticipate obstacles and plan how to deal with them."

In ancient Rome the equivalent saying was: aut viam inveniam aut fa-ciam, literally "I'll either find a way or make one."

Four varied thoughts on being free:

Lincoln's proclamation . . . not only set the black slaves free, but set the white man free also. Mark Twain, SPEECH IN London, England.

It is the greatest shot of adrenaline to be doing what you've most wanted to do so badly. You almost feel like you could fly without the plane. CHARLES A. Lindbergh.

No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether she will or will not be a mother. MARGARET SANGER, BIRTH-CONTROL PIONEER.

Man is a masterpiece of creation, if only because no amount of determinism can prevent him from believing that he acts as a free being. GEORG

Christoph Lichtenberg (d. 1799), German physicist and satirical writer, Aphorisms.

There is no accounting for taste ♦

Words to Live By

Ancient Roman Proverb

^^T^reedom allows people to enjoy self-expression and even to engage in 1. acts of "bad taste"—"bad" being a highly subjective measure. The younger generations' mode of dress and mores usually seems in bad taste to their elders. "Express yourself" goes hand in hand with being free, as does the maxim "there is no accounting for taste." As Thomas Jefferson expressed the thought: "Taste cannot be controlled by law."

English-born American Revolutionary patriot Thomas Paine in The Rights of Man (1791-1792) went further:

Every age and generation must be free to act for itself in all cases as the ages and generations which preceded it. The vanity and presumption of governing beyond the grave is the most ridiculous and insolent of all tyrannies.

The saying "there is no accounting for taste" had as an English forerunner an adage in writer John Bunyan's The Pilgrims Progress (1678): "Some love meat, some love to pick the bones." Novelist Ann Radcliffe gave the modern English wording in The Mysteries ofUdolpho (1794). But the ancient Romans seem to have originated the maxim: de gustibus non est disputandum; literally "about tastes there is no disputing." The Romans also applied a glibber saying to offbeat people: adgustum, "to one's taste."

Talk is cheap ♦

Thomas Chandler Haliburton; The Attache, or Sam Slick in England, 1844

l^"*T~~reedom fighters have often used this maxim to challenge followers to JL get off their rear ends and into action. The saying suggests that you can talk all you want about noble ideals, but action is what makes a difference. The modern English wording dates to Canadian lawyer and writer Thomas Chandler Haliburton, creator of the character Sam Slick, a resourceful Yankee clock peddler and cracker-barrel philosopher who was prone to spouting maxims. Many of his sayings, such as "This country is

The pen is mightier than the sword

going to the dogs" and "barking up the wrong tree," have become commonplace. In The Attache, or Sam Slick in England (1844), Sam delivered the line: "Talk is cheap, it don't cost nothin' but breath."

An earlier English version, dating to George Herbert's Jacula Pruden-tum (1640), read: "Talking pays no toll."

Two thoughts on freedom, one noble, one chilling:

Not only is freedom of thought and speech compatible with piety and the peace of the State, but it cannot be withheld without destroying at the same time both the peace of the State and piety itself BARUCH SPINOZA, PHILOSOPHER, Theological-Political Treatise, 1670.

"There is a road to freedom. Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor, Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and Love of the Fatherland. Adolph Hitler, posted on walls of concentration camps.

I have a dream ♦

Martin Luther King, Jr.; Lincoln Memorial Speech, 1963

O

n August 28, 1963, Martin Luther King, Jr., delivered his impassioned "I Have a Dream" speech to a quarter million followers gath-

'Civil Rights Bill" — artist Thomas Nast.

...

Words to Live By

ered in front of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C., in a massive protest rally. The speech, which expressed King's hope for a Utopian future, is regarded as one of the most moving of the century, and in 1992 Time magazine listed "I have a dream" as one of its ten most famous quotations.

Here is the second half of the speech:

"So I say to you, my friends, that even though we must face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.

"I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, sons of former slaves and sons of former slave-owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

"I have a dream that one day, even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

"I have a dream my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today!

"I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, that one day, right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today!

"I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places shall be made plain, and the crooked places shall be made straight and the glory of the Lord will be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

"This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with.

"With this faith we will be able to hear out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.

The pen is mightier than the sword

"With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to, struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day. This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning — "my country 'tis of thee; sweet land of liberty; of thee I sing; land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride; from every mountain side, let freedom ring" — and if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. "

Practice what you preach

FORGIVENESS

& Healing

♦

definition: To give up resentment against another person, and abandon thoughts of revenge.

word origin: From the Middle English forgeven, "to give up resentment against. "

significance: Forgiveness, like charity, is based on the Golden Rule: treat others as you would like to be treated. All people make mistakes, and if no one forgave, the world would be filled with resentment and vengeance. Therefore each person must master forgiveness.

related virtues: Justice, generosity, kindness, and love.

opposite traits: Resentment, revenge, and the deterioration of relationships.

2 0 0

Forgive and forget ♦

Philo of Alexandria, the "Jewish Plato;" 1st century C.E.

rhis popular maxim is misunderstood by most people: it's true meaning is "forgive and don't seek revenge." That is, relinquish not only resentment for a wrong but also the urge to get even. The word "forget" does not imply that a transgression should be wiped forever from the victim's mind. That's impossible to do. It suggests one shouldn't hold onto resentment and go after an "eye for an eye" payback.

The maxim originated with Greek-speaking Jewish philosopher Philo of Alexandria, sometimes called the "Jewish Plato" because he made the first attempt to synthesize revealed faith with philosophic reason. Also regarded by Christians as a forerunner of Christian theology, Philo wrote in De Iosepho (c. 40 C.E.): "I forgive and forget." Thereafter it occurred in many variations, but the meaning always emphasized both forgiveness and abandonment of thoughts of retaliation.

An early variation in English appeared in The Ancren Riwle (c. 1225), a treatise on monastic life: "All that hurts and all that was sore were forgotten, and forgiven with gladness."

The saying appeared in William Langland's religious allegorical poem Piers Plowman (c. 1377). One of the greatest examples of Middle English alliterative poetry, the masterpiece employed the crucified Jesus Christ as the perfect model of forgiveness: "So will Christ in his courtesy, and men cry in mercy, both forgive and forget." The line refers to Jesus's prayer on the Cross: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" {Luke 23:34).

Implicit in the maxim is the Golden Rule cast in the language of forgiveness: "forgive others if you wish to be forgiven yourself," a sentiment found on the Gospel of Mark when Jesus says:

For if you forgive men their sins, your Father in Heaven will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, neither will your Father fo rgive your sins. 11:25—26.

The maxim has been quoted by numerous writers. Shakespeare uses it

Words to Live By

Peter denying Jesus. Christ set an example of perfect forgiveness.

in four plays, and it also is prominent in Mark Twain's Roughing It (1872), and Louisa May Alcott's Little Women (1868).

Let bygones be bygones ♦

Robert Pitscottie; The Chroniles of Scotland, 1577

rhe Scottish say "let bygones by bygones." The plural noun "bygones" (spelled "byganes") was first recorded in the 16 th century, having been derived from the verb expression "gone by," meaning something that has passed. Scottish writer Robert Pitscottie used the new word in his Chronicles of Scotland (1577): "Byganes to be byganes"—that is, "the past is the past."

Samuel Rutherford wrote in Letters (1636): "Pray that byganes betwixt me and my Lord may be byganes." Several lexicographers believe that Rutherford was echoing a recurrent phrase from Homer's Iliad: "These things will we let be, as past and done."

Congregational minister and author Cotton Mather, one of the most

Practice what you preach

celebrated of all New England Puritans, helped popularize the maxim. Mather noted that his life was "a continual conversation with heaven," but he spent agonizing hours convinced that he was damned—and equal time in ecstasies that he was not. For a while, he feared he could not enter the ministry because of a speech impediment, but he overcame his handicap and preached his first sermon August 1680. He devoted his life to praying, preaching, doing charitable works, writing, and publishing. "Let bygones be bygone," a favorite "forgiveness" expression of his, was recorded in his diary. Progressive in his attitude toward education, he advised schoolmasters to refrain from the harsh punishment of students and instead offer a poor student a reward for improved grades—a radical approach at the time.

How others have expressed the "forgive and forget" sentiment:

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. MOTHER TERESA, MISSIONARY.

Judge not, and you shall not be judged; condemn not, and you shall not be condemned; forgive, and you shall be forgiven. LUKE 6:37.

The Prodigal Son is forgiven.

Words to Live By

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong MOHANDAS K. Gandhi.

Teach your children how to forgive ♦

Pope John Paul II

/n May 1981, the world was shocked when a mad gunman named Mehmet Ali Agca attempted to assassinate Pope John Paul II as the pontiff's motorcade circled through a throng of admirers in front of the Vatican. Seriously injured and hospitalized for days, the pontiff underwent lower abdominal surgery and had a section of his colon removed. But just four days after the shooting, he announced that he forgave his attacker unconditionally, stating that he felt no animosity whatsoever toward the would-be assassin, only compassion for whatever demons drove the poor man to the destructive act. Later, Pope John Paul visited his assailant in prison in order to personally forgive and bless him.

It is probably safe to say that few people possess the kind of complete virtuous character required to do what the pontiff did so quickly, graciously, and unconditionally. The pope's behavior was, from the standpoint of ethics, a perfect example of forgiveness in its fullest flowering. The pontiff made a public plea:

Teach your children how to forgive; make your homes places of love and forgiveness; make your streets and neighborhoods centers of peace and reconciliation.

We will never know what his initial feelings were toward his assailant in the hours immediately after the attack. Did the pope experience some small amount of anger, rage, and resentment for a short time and only later undergo "a change of heart"—which is what forgiveness is for most people?

Two thoughts on forgiveness:

Never is the soul stronger than when it forgoes revenge for forgiveness. Proverb.

Practice what you preach

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. Proverb.

Revenge is sweet ♦

William Painter; The Palace of Pleasure, 1566

The hardest part of forgiveness is overcoming feelings of anger, rage, resentment, and, quite naturally, a desire for revenge—all directed toward the person who has done us a "moral injury"—a term philosophers use when talking about a "reasonable wrong" as opposed to some trivial offense.

What are reasonable wrongs?

Attempted murder is a reasonable wrong and a moral injury. So, too, is deliberate cruelty between friends, broken vows and promises, calculated heartbreak between lovers, infidelity, dishonesty, the spiteful slinging of racial slurs, slavery, inequality, acts of anti-Semitism and homophobia, the unjust firing of employees, justice perverted in any way, and responsibilities seriously shirked. In fact, a reasonable wrong or moral injury is any attack or wrong perpetrated upon another person's goodness, good name, virtuous nature, worth, human dignity, or character. If two criminals rob a bank and one man breaks his promise to share the loot and makes off with the haul, the other robber has not, in the lexicon of moral philosophy, been the victim of a moral injury or reasonable wrong. A moral injury is an assault on goodness.

The idea that "revenge is sweet" is probably as old as humankind itself, since anger and resentment are natural and immediate reactions to a wrong. The specific use of the word "sweet" in this context goes back to the poet Homer's Iliad (c. 850 B.C.E.), in which revenge is described as "sweeter than flowing honey."

The first English version appeared in William Painter's The Palace of Pleasure (1566): "Vengeance is sweete."

In the next century English dramatist and poet Ben Jonson penned the line: "O revenge, how sweet thou art!" The Jacobean playwright and lyric poet, generally regarded as the most important English dramatist after Shakespeare, made the saying popular in his day. England's first poet lau-

Words to Live By

reate, Jonson excelled in comedies and delighted in exposing life's follies and vices, particularly people's love of revenge. The maxim also appeared in his witty play Epicene, or The Silent Woman (1609).

John Milton, in Paradise Lost (1667), expressed the personal harm that comes from harboring revenge for too long a time: "Revenge, at first, though sweet, Bitter ere long, back on itself recoils." Today we know that harboring negative feelings harms one's physical health.

The precise modern wording of the maxim, "revenge is sweet," appeared in The Whole Duty of Man (1658), whose author remains unknown.

Lord Byron, in Don Juan (1818), gave it a sexist twist: "Sweet is revenge—especially to women."

Two wrongs don't make a right ♦

American proverb, 18 th century

Don't get mad, get even ♦

Popular in the United States since about 1965

>oth maxims have to do with thoughts of revenge: one is for it, one warns against it.

"Two wrongs don't make a right" suggests that avenging yourself of someone who has wronged you will not right the offense and will in fact only make you a transgressor yourself. The saying first appeared in print in America in Letters (1783), by B. Bush.

"Don't get mad, get even" is of uncertain origin, but gained popularity in the United States around 1965. It was used by Presidents Richard Nixon and John F. Kennedy. Victor Lasky wrote in It Didn't Start with Watergate (1977): "Kennedy, too, talked about 'getting' his enemies. 'Don't get mad, get even' was the well-known watchword along the New Frontier."

A thought on the issue of forgiveness versus revenge:

In contrast to revenge, which is the natural, automatic reaction to transgres-

Practice what you preach

sion and which, because of the irreversibility of the action process, can be expected and even calculated, the act of forgiving can never be predicted; it is the only reaction that acts in an unexpected way and thus retains, through being a reaction, something of the original character of the action. HANNAH Arendt, in A Certain World — A Commonplace Book, 1970.

An elephant never forgets ♦

Saki (Hector Hugh Munro); Reginald, 1910

(7~y evenge is such a natural emotion—in humans and apparently, in an--*■ \imals—that scores of maxims have been coined to express the victims inability to "forgive and forget." The ancient Greeks used the proverb "The horse never forgets." For Arabs it was "The camel never forgets." For the Egyptians it was "The cat never forgets." The sayings imply that certain animals possess long-term memory of offenses against them. Many cultures had the proverb "A woman never forgets."

Perhaps in some part of the ancient world there was a maxim "An elephant never forgets," though none seems to have been written down. Linguists trace the saying to this century, and to our greater understanding of

An elephant never

forgets— illustration

by Thomas Nast.

Words to Live By

the elephant's recall. The earliest version of the maxim, "Women and elephants never forget an injury," appeared in Reginald: Reginald on Besetting Sins (1910), by Hector Hugh Munro—pseudonym Saki—a Burma-born Scottish writer and journalist whose stories depicted the Edwardian social scene with a flippant wit and the power to satirize social pretensions. Son of an officer in the Burma police, Munro was sent at the age of two to live with his strict British aunts near Devon, England. They made his life sheer hell, and he later took revenge on their strictness and lack of understanding by portraying tyrannical aunts in many of his stories about childhood. Munro liked to get revenge for any wrong to himself; and his stories, filled with diabolical practical jokes, reveal, say critics, a deep vein of cruelty in their author. Munro, who was killed in action in World War I, apparently did not "forgive and forget."

In Ballade of Unfortunate Mammals (1930), Dorothy Parker, a fan of Munro, shortened the saying to "Woman and elephants never forget." Thereafter, it began to appear as "elephants never forget" and "an elephant never forgets."

Three Christian Saints on Forgiveness in Their Own Troubled Families

In Christianity, forgiveness springs from love of Jesus Christ and from one's personal humility as a sinner before an understanding God. Most of the religion's saints clearly stated that it was easier to forgive anonymous wrongdoers like murderers and rapists than to forgive one's own friends and family over less serious offenses. The real test of forgiveness is not in pardoning a stranger, but in excusing someone you have loved and trusted and, possibly, lived with.

Here are three saints striving to achieve forgiveness within their own troubled families:

/ beg you for pity's sake to show a little more charity toward your son. He came to see me this morning at Naples and burst into tears . . . Remember that he is your son and not some mongrel or other, and surely far dearer as such than property or wealth. You may be certain of this: If you practice love within your

Practice what you preach

own family, God will help you outside it. SAINT ALPHONSUS LlGUORI, THEOLOGIAN, FOUNDER OF THE CONGREGATION OF THE MOST HOLY REDEEMER, D. 1787; IN A LETTER TO HIS FATHER.

The sooner you forgive him, the sooner he will recover from his illness. You are the person to restore him to health of soul and body Speak to your son again. Do not refuse me, Father! If I am truly your daughter and you love me as much as you profess, you will grant me what I ask. SAINT CATHERINE DEI

Ricci, Dominican nun and Tuscan mystic who received the stigmata, THE FIVE WOUNDS OF CHRIST, D. 1590; ATTEMPTING TO RECONCILE HER FATHER WITH HIS SON.

Tell me, how are we two going to face the Day of Judgment? The sun is witness that it has gone down on our anger not one day but for many a long year . . . Woe to me, vile wretch! Must I say, Woe to you also?. . . I am now renewing the request I made to you in my previous letter of a year ago . . . Soon harmony restored or harmony ruptured will receive reward or penalty before His tribunal. Very well, if you now rebuff me, the guilt will not be on my head. SAINT JEROME, THEOLOGIAN AND SCHOLAR, WHO PRODUCED the Latin translation of the Bible known as the Vulgate,

D. C. 420 C.E..; ATTEMPTING TO RECONCILE WITH HIS AUNT.

Two Dying Saints Who Their Forgave Their Assailants

I, for the love of Jesus, forgive my murderer, and I want him to be with me in paradise. May God forgive him, because I have already forgiven him. SAINT Maria Goretti, brutally murdered while resisting her rapist, whom she forgave moments before her death in 1902.

I forgive my capital persecutor who has been so long craving and thirsting after my blood; from my soul I forgive him, and wish his soul so well that were it in my power I would seat him a seraph in heaven. BLESSED DAVID LEWIS,

Jesuit priest, one of the so-called Forty Martyrs of England and Wales; d. 1679.

Words to Live By Two saints on forgiveness in general:

The saints had no hatred, no bitterness. They forgive everything and think they deserve much more for their offenses against God. SAINT JOHN VlANNEY, Patron saint of parish priests, d. 1859.

We should love and feel compassion for those who oppose us, rather than abhor and despise them since they harm themselves and do us good, and adorn us with crowns of everlasting glory while they incite God's anger against themselves. Saint Anthony Zaccaria, physician turned priest, d. 1539.

All major writers on the virtue of forgiveness have stressed the beneficial effects of forgiveness on the forgiver as well as on the person forgiven. When it comes to forgiveness, no one seems to lose, because the act of forgiveness is predicated foremost upon the virtue of love.

Spare the rod and spoil the child ♦

Old Testament, Proverbs 13:24

ot all wrongs are meant to be forgiven without some form of punishment; the Bible is in favor of spanking children who deserve it.

The book of Proverbs, the embodiment of the collective wisdom of Israel,

equates a just spanking with parental love:

He that spares the rod hates his son; but he that loves him beats him many times. Proverbs 13:24

The author of Proverbs, traditionally taken to be Solomon, liked the idea of spanking so much that he repeated the message:

Do not withhold correction from the child, for if you beat him with the rod, he shall not die. You shall beat him with the rod, and shall deliver his soul from hell. 23:13-14.

Athenian dramatist Menander (c. 342-c. 292 B.C.E.), whom ancient

5 o o

Practice what you preach

critics considered the supreme poet of Greek stage comedy, rendered the advice this way: "The man who has never been flogged has never been taught."

English writer William Langland, in Piers Plowman (c. 1377), his best-remembered religious poem, warned parents: "Whosoever spares the stick, spoils his children." Langland cherished scripture, and one of the major achievements of Piers Plowman is that it translated biblical language and concepts known to cloistered monks into symbols and images that could be appreciated by ordinary, unschooled folk. The language of the poem is for the most part simple and colloquial, and adages like "spare the rod" are rendered with punch.

The modern wording was first given by John Clarke, a member of the Massachusetts Bay Colony and a cofounder in 1638 of Portsmouth, Rhode Island. In his Paroemiologia Anglo-Latina (1639), Clark wrote "Spare the rod and spoil the child."

A bad child has indulgent parents •

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

Children should be forgiven but not without some form of punishment. In "The Thief and His Mother," Aesop rendered one of the earliest fables that warned of the dangers of excessive parental indulgence—and complicity—in bad behavior:

A schoolboy stole some books from one of his classmates and brought them home to his mother. Instead of reprimanding him, she said nothing and soon sold the books for a small profit.

Later on, the boy stole someone's clothes and brought the articles home. Again his mother said nothing and sold the goods.

As the boy grew older, his thefts became more frequent and began to involve items of great value. Then one day he was caught red-handed. The officials bound his hands behind his back and marched him off toward jail.

His mother saw them taking her son away and knew hed be hanged at the gallows. She began to weep hysterically.

Words to Live By

The boy called to her, saying that he had something to whisper in her ear. As she leaned her head close to him, he took a great bite of her ear and ripped much of it off.

She fell to the ground, screaming, "First you commit crimes against the law, now a crime against nature — against your own mother. "

He replied: "If you had given me a good beating when I committed my first theft, I wouldn't be on my way to the gallows now. "

Then he turned to his jailers, who were leading him away, and said, "Behold a bad son, because when I was small I had a bad mother. "

moral: A bad child has indulgent parents.

Confession is good for the soul ♦

David Fergusson; Scottish Proverbs, 1641

^IT^orgiveness implies a kind of silent, internal confession we make with JL ourselves after being wronged. The confession marks the transition from the immediate, natural reactions of rage and resentment in the face of the wrong to the "change of heart" attitude that is forgiveness. All of the ancient sages who have written about forgiveness also suggested, in some wording, that "confession is good for the soul."

The proverb took many forms before, and after, its modern wording emerged in the 17 th century:

• May confession be a medicine to the erring. Cicero, Roman statesman, in Ad Octavium, 43 B.C.E.

• Confession is physick to a sinner. 17 th -century translation of a work titled Janua Linguarum.

• An open confession is good for the soul. David Fergussons Scottish Proverbs, 1641; edited by Erskine Beveridge, 1924.

• Confession may be good for the soul. Spoken ironically, to them that boast of their ill deeds. James Kellys A Complete Collection of Scottish Proverbs, 1721.

Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven ♦

Practice what you preach New Testament, Gospel of Matthew 16:19

rhe Christian sacrament of Penance is a confession in which one seeks forgiveness for sins and is granted "absolution." The closest synonym to the word "forgive" is "absolve," from the Latin absolvere = ab (from) + solvere (free or loosen). In other words, forgiveness means "to set free" from sin.

For the ancient Israelites and early Christians, private sorrow for one's moral wrongs was not enough to win God's forgiveness; public humiliation of some sort was mandatory. At that time, forgiveness was strictly between the sinner and his or her God.

Later, Christians found in the New Testament a biblical basis for the sacrament of penance, a priest's power to absolve sin, in Jesus Christ's words to the Apostle Peter:

And I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven; and whatever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. MATTHEW 16:19.

Going to confession became the Christian way, and still is the Roman Catholic way, to gain God's forgiveness for mortal and venial sins against God himself, and against one's fellow human beings. In Roman Catholicism, God forgives through an ordained priest, and God performs that just and charitable act because he loves his children unconditionally. The triune relationship between the three virtues of forgiveness, love and justice is known as the highest good (summum bonun) of Christian ethics.

While Christians have the sacrament of penance through which to gain heavenly forgiveness for wrongs (not all Christian denominations view penance as biblically ordained), Jews have their own period of contrition, the Ten Days of Repentance, occurring between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and biblically ordained:

"To make an atonement for the children of Israel for all their sins once a year." LEVITICUS 16:34.

Words to Live By Nine Sages on Forgiveness

In modern times, one of the most public and publicized, statements on God's generous forgiveness came from a future American president during his 1976 campaign:

/ have looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. God recognizes I will do this and forgives me. JlMMY Carter.

Humorist Mark Twain, in his autobiography, recounting one of his tirades against a publisher who had swindled him out of a fortune, concluded on a note of forgiveness: "He has been dead a quarter century now. I feel only compassion for him, and if I could send him a fan I would."

To err is human, To forgive takes restraint; To fo rget you fo rga ve Is the mark of a saint.

Suzane Douglass, Reader's Digest, 1966.

God pardons like a mother, who kisses the offense into everlasting forgetfulness. Henry Ward Beecher, clergyman.

We pardon in the degree that we love. LA ROCHEFOUCALD, FRENCH MORALIST, Maxims, 1665.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. OSCAR WlLDE, WIT AND PLAYWRIGHT.

We witness. . . by being a community of reconciliation, a forgiving community of the forgiven. BISHOP DESMOND TUTU, CRYING IN THE WILDERNESS, 1982.

Practice what you preach

And blessings on the falling out That all the more endears, When we fall out with those we love And kiss again with tears!

Alfred, Lord Tennyson,

"The Princess, " 1850.

Albert Schweitzer, in Civilization and Ethics (1923), emphasized why every human being must strive to master the virtue of total forgiveness: "If I did not," he writes of his own readiness to forgive, "I should be wanting in veracity to myself, for it would be acting as if I myself were not guilty in the same way as the other has been guilty towards me."

The customer is always right ♦

Department store maxim, early 20 th century

^""salesclerk who waits on a rude and abusive customer must, K^sJL from a professional standpoint, master the virtue of patience and at least feign the virtue of forgiveness. This most popular of business maxims arose in the early years of the 20 th century with one of two retail tycoons.

Some lexicographers credit the saying to Philadelphia retail merchant John Wanamaker, founder of one of the first department stores in the United States. Wanamaker began to work at the age of 14 as an errand boy for a bookstore, became a clerk in a men's clothing store in 1856, and thirteen years later founded John Wanamaker and Company. Billed as a "new kind of store," it collected a variety of specialty shops under one roof for convenient shopping—sort of a mall in its day. Noted for his successful use of advertising, Wanamaker was one of the first major merchandisers to employ advertising agencies, and one of his early large-scale print campaigns featured the savvy promise "the customer is always right."

Other lexicographers credit the saying to H. Gordon Selfridge, born in Wisconsin in 1858, who later became a British citizen and in 1909 founded Selfridges Department Store on Oxford Street in London. From his early years in the retail business, Selfridge made the motto of all his

Sos

Words to Live By

In any country, "The customer is always right."

shops "the customer is always right.'

F-o-r-g-i-v-e — "To Give Up Resentment Against"

The word "forgive" comes from the Middle English forgeven, meaning "to give up resentment against" or "to abandon the desire to punish."

The composition of the word is telling. The first part, "for," is from the Middle English fer, suggesting "to replace"—when we forgive we replace initial anger with love or understanding. The second part, "give," is from the Old English giefan, meaning "to grasp control of"—when we forgive we take back any self-control we lost through anger. "Forgive" thus implies the replacement of anger with a positive emotion, regaining control of one's composure. Conversely, a person who cannot forgive a wrong

Practice what you preach

emotionally relinquishes some degree of control to his or her offender.

We use many words related to "forgive" and "absolve" that have subtle shades of difference:

• Acquit means to release a person from a specific charge by a judicial decision, usually for lack of evidence. A person acquitted is not necessarily forgiven; quite the opposite may be true, as was witnessed in national polls in the acquittal of O. J. Simpson on charges of double murder.

• Exonerate is to relieve a person of the blame for wrongdoing.

• Pardon is to release a person from punishment for an offense, and linguistically it is the closest to forgiveness, which implies no further need for punishment or for vengeful feelings.

Don't hit a man when he's down ♦

Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury; Answer to Gardiner, 1551

/Suggesting that someone who is already hurt, emotionally or physi-S^j cally, should not be attacked, this maxim has been traced back to Answer to Gardiner (1551), by Thomas Cranmer, the first Protestant archbishop of Canterbury. His bitter rival for the archbishopric had been

Thomas Cranmer,

Archbishop of

Canterbury,

burned at the

stake: "Don't hit a

man when

he's down."

Words to Live By

Stephen Gardiner. As adviser to Henry VIII and Edward VI, Cranmer put the English Bible in parish churches, drew up the Book of Common Prayer, and composed a litany that remains in use today.

Denounced later for promoting Protestantism by the Catholic Mary I, he was convicted of heresy and sentenced to be burned at the stake. He had argued against the supremacy of the pope in Rome and for the marriage of clergy—and was himself married. Under duress, he'd been forced to sign a recantation of some of his views, an act he quickly regretted. Before the flames attacked his body, he held his right hand, which "had offended" by signing the recantation, into the fire until it was consumed. 'Don't hit a man when he's down' was not the philosophy of his opponents.

In the United States the maxim was adopted as a boxing phrase.

Nobody's perfect ♦

Diary of the French Revolution, 1803

Don't add insult to injury ♦

Edward Moore; The Foundling, 1748

obody's perfect" is at the core of the virtue of forgiveness and has been traced back to Diary of the French Revolution (1803). I'm not perfect, you're not perfect—thus we are willing to forgive each other.

"Don't add insult to injury" has been traced back to The Foundling (1748) by English dramatist Edward Moore. Seven thoughts on forgiveness:

Amnesty: an act by which sovereigns commonly pardon injustices committed by themselves. GRAFFITO WRITTEN DURING THE FRENCH STUDENT REVOLT

of May 1968.

Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom. HANNAH ARENDT, GERMAN -born American political scientist.

SO 8

Practice what you preach Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely deed, until they have something to forgive.

C. S. Lewis, British scholar, writer.

5/ti powerfully; God can forgive only a hearty sinner. MARTIN LUTHER,

Protestant Reformer.

/ shall be an autocrat, that s my trade. And the good Lord will forgive me, that's his. EMPRESS CATHERINE THE GREAT.

Youth, which is forgiven everything, forgives nothing. Age, which forgives itself everything, is forgiven nothing. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, MAN AND SUPERMAN, 1903.

Good to forgive; Best to forget! Living, we fret; Dying, we live. Robert Browning, "La Saisiaz. "

The Holocaust and Forgiveness

Cynthia Ozick, essayist and novelist, was asked if she'd forgive one of Hitler's truly remorseful SS officers who, years earlier, had rounded up Polish Jews and then set fires to synagogues in which they were incarcerated. Her answer brings up an important aspect of forgiveness; who is entitled to forgive whom? Ozick responded:

" I forgive y ou >' w ^ say to the child who has muddied the carpet, 'but next time don't do it again.' Next time she will leave the muddy boots outside the door; forgiveness, with its enlarging capacities, will have taught her. Forgiveness is an effective teacher. Meanwhile, the spots can be washed away.

"But murder is irrevocable. Murder is irreversible. . . Even if forgiveness restrains one from perpetrating a new batch of corpses, will the

Words to Live By

last batch come alive again . . . ?

"Forgiveness is pitiless. It forgets the victim . . . It cultivates sensitiveness toward the murderer at the price of insensitiveness toward the victim . . .

"Let the SS man die unshriven.

"Let him go to hell. "

Quoted in Simon Wiesenthal,

The Sunflower.

A dead person cannot forgive, Ozick is saying, nor can others, survivors, forgive for him or for her. Forgiveness must come from the beating heart in the living body of the person who has been wronged. Pope John Paul II lived through his assassination attempt to forgive his assailant, but what if the pontiff had died instantly? Who, then, would have the moral authority to forgive the assassin for the pope's murder? Ozick argues that in such cases only God can truly offer forgiveness, ultimately by admitting the assailant to heaven or hell.

Judaism (though not Christianity) can be adamant on this aspect of forgiveness. In the mid-1960s, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel was asked by a Gentile attending one of his lectures, "Don't you think it's about time you and the Jewish people forgave the rest of the world for the Holocaust?" Rabbi Heschel's hands gripped the podium and he answered:

"No one can forgive crimes committed against someone else. It is therefore preposterous to assume that any Jew alive can grant forgiveness for the suffering of any one of the six million people who perished.

"According to Jewish tradition, even God Himself can only forgive sins committed against Himself not against man. " QUOTED IN SlMON Wiesenthal, The Sunflower.

Heschel acknowledged that a murderer might be able to rehabilitate himself in jail and, upon his release, begin a new and virtuous life. He might even display a strong moral character. Society has forgiven him and allowed him time to change. The law of the land has pardoned him. But, said Heschel, only the murder's dead victim has the moral right to say "I

Practice what you preach forgive you."

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face ♦

French proverb, 14 th century

^TJevenge may be sweet, but a vengeful act taken too far can be self-Jl\ destructive. This is the point of the maxim found in Mr. Sponges Sporting Tour (1852), by Robert Smith Surtees, an English writer of sporting stories. Riding to the hounds was a passion with Surtees from the days when he hunted from his family residence, Hamsterley Hall in Durham, and nearly all his writing involved horses and riding. A mordant satirist, Surtees enjoyed creating characters who were greedy, envious snobs, and as a witty retort he once wrote "that would be only like cutting off my nose to spite my face." He popularized the saying in England.

Lexicographers have tracked down several earlier incarnations, including what is taken to be the French original:

• Is not this biting our nose to spite our face? AMERICAN REVOLUTIONARY leader Christopher Gadsden, 1784.

• He that bites his nose off, shames his face. In A BOOK, DECEIT OF Women, 1561.

• Qui cope son nes, sa face est despechie, "The man who cuts off his nose spites his face." 14 th CENTURY, FRANCE.

• "He who cuts off his nose takes poor revenge for a shame inflicted upon him." Translation OF A Latin maxim in a text dating

FROM ABOUT 1200.

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us ♦

Lord's Prayer; New Testament, Matthew 6: 9-13

Christians believe that Jesus Christ instructed his followers in the perfect way to pray. Christ introduced the Lord's Prayer, or Our Father, with the words Pray in this manner: Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name ..." A remarkable feature of the New Testament quo-

Words to Live By

tation is that after the prayer ends, with the words "For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever, Amen," Christ immediately returns to one of the prayer's lines—"forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us"—and offers special commentary on the passage:

For if you forgive man their trespasses [sins], your heavenly Father will also forgive you; But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. MATTHEW 6: 14-15

Forgiveness is one of the major lessons Christ intended his followers to learn from the Lord's Prayer. C. S. Lewis, in The Joyful Christian, commented on forgiveness as its central feature:

Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive, as we had during the war. And then to mention the subject at al is to be greeted with howls of anger. It is not that people think this too high and difficult a virtue; it is that they think it hateful and contemptible. "That sort of talk makes them sick, " they say And half of you already want to ask me, "I wonder how you'd feel about forgiving the Gestapo if you were a Pole or a Jew?

"So do I. I wonder very much. Just as when Christianity tells me that I must not deny my religion even to save myself from death by torture, I wonder very much what I should do when it came to the point. I am not trying to tell you . . . what I can do —/ can do precious little —/ am telling you what Christianity is. I did not invent it. And there, right in the middle of it, I find, "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. " There is no suggestion that we are offered forgiveness on any other terms. It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgive. There is no two ways about it. What are we to do?

A poem on the Lord's Prayer:

Forgive Our Sins As We Forgive

}I2

Practice what you preach

"Forgive our sins as we forgive, " You taught us, Lord, to pray; But You alone can grant Us grace to live the words We say.

How can Your pardon reach and

Bless the unforgiving heart

That broods on wrongs

And will not let old bitterness

Depart?

In blazing light Your cross Reveals the truth we dimly knew: What trivial debts are Owed to us, how great our debt To you!

Lord, cleanse the depths within

Our souls, and bid resentment cease;

Then, bound to all in

Bonds of love, our lives will spread

Your peace.

Carol Owens,

United Methodist Hymnal.

Forgiveness must come from the heart of the offended ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

/fs we saw earlier, full forgiveness can come only from the person V^/jl who has been the victim of a reasonable wrong or moral injury. Since a dead person cannot forgive, murders, as Cynthia Ozick pointed out, can never be truly forgiven for their crimes even if the victim's family offers forgiveness. Aesop, in his fable "The Eagle and the Beetle," illustrated this principle. The victim was a hare:

Aesop's "The Eagle and the Beetle."

A harp, pursued by an eagle, sought refuge in the nest of a beetle whom he begged to save him. The beetle interceded with the eagle and pleaded with him not to break the law of sanctuary. But the eagle, in his wrath, gave the beetle a flip with his wing and immediately seized the hare and devoured him.

When the eagle flew away, the beetle flew after him in order to learn where his nest was hidden. Then one day when the eagle was away, the beetle returned and rolled the eagles eggs out of the next, one by one, and broke them.

Grieved and enraged that anyone should do such an outrageous thing, the eagle built his next nest in a higher place. But again his eggs suffered a similar fate.

In desperation the eagle flew up to his god Jupiter, and placed the third brood of eggs, as a sacred deposit, in Jupiter's lap, begging him to guard them from harm.

But the beetle, having made a little ball of dirt, flew up with it and dropped it in Jupiter's lap. The god, rising up quickly to shake off the dirt, and forgetting the eggs, dropped them and they broke.

Practice what you preach

Jupiter, knowing that the beetle was in the right, but loath to see the mighty race of eagles diminished, used his good offices to persuade the beetle to call a truce with the eagle.

But this the beetle would not do. And thus Jupiter, lord over the eagles, was forced to switch all eagles' breeding season to another time of year, one cold and harsh, when beetles were nowhere to be seen.

moral: Forgiveness must come from the heart of the offended.

Practice what you preach ♦

Confucius; c. 500 B.C.E. Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

/t is easy to advise a friend who's hurting to "forgive and forget" but harder to personally take the advice to heart when you have been hurt—harder to "practice what you preach." The maxim says that in general you should behave in the manner in which you tell others they should behave. The Chinese sage Confucius taught that a major virtue of a morally strong and spiritually person was the ability to "practice what you preach." The saying was first recorded in his Analects (c. 500 B.C.E.), or "Selected Sayings," as: "He first practices what he preaches, and then preaches according to his practice." The maxim leaves no room for hypocrisy.

The many maxims contained in the Analects —Honor your father and your mother," "Learning is a pleasure," "Friends are a delight"—were supposedly composed by Confucius himself. But modern Chinese scholars debate the authenticity of that traditional claim the way Western scholars argue over the validity of Jesus's words in the Gospels and Socrates's words in the dialogues of Plato. It is likely that these "selected sayings," lunyu in Chinese, which occupy four books, came together gradually, over several hundred years.

"Practice what you preach" arose independently in the West. One early recording was in the Latin drama Asinaria by the great Roman comic playwright Plautus, who loosely adapted Greek works and established a

Words to Live By

truly Roman drama in the Latin language: "Practice yourself what you preach" (Act III, Scene III).

The maxim was rendered in English by Sir Roger L'Estrange, one of the earliest English journalists and pamphleteers, in Seneca's Morals by Way of Abstract (1678): "We must practice what we preach."

An ardent supporter of the Royalist cause during the English civil wars, L'Estrange was rewarded for his loyalty by being appointed surveyor of the press; and being a man who practiced what he preached, he immediately weeded out unlicensed printers who issued antigovernment propaganda. He attacked poet John Milton, a leading apologist for the Commonwealth, in a pamphlet titled No Blinde Guides (1660), a stab at Milton's blindness. L'Estrange was knighted in 1685 after helping to discredit the popish plot, a fictitious story alleging that a band of Jesuit priests were planning to assassinate King Charles II. Then, in the "bloodless revolution" of 1688, in which King James II lost the throne, L'Estrange, an accomplished linguist, lost his official duties. To support himself and his wife, he turned to translations of classic works, rendering a masterful version of Greek fables, including Aesop's "The Quack Frog";

A frog, emerging from the mud of a swamp, announced to all the animal world that he could cure any kind of disease. Interested to see what all the croaking as about, the animals gathered around, and the frog, more puffed up than ever by the attention he was receiving, bellowed:

"Here, come and seel You are looking upon the greatest physician in all the world. Not even Aesculapius, Jove's court doctor —"

He was interrupted by aloud bray from the jackass. A goat, also, seemed to be somewhat skeptical of the frog's boasting and said so.

Then the strong-legged fox, and expert on running, spoke up. How dare you set yourself up to heal others. Why do you not practice what you preach and cure your own bent legs and limping gait?"

"And your own blotched and wrinkled," added the smooth pure white rabbit.

"Andyour own ugly, bulging eyes, " said the cute little lamb.

At this the quack frog drew in his head and hopped away in the direction of the bog from where he had come while the animals laughed

Practice what you preach

him to scorn.

moral: Practice what you preach.

A great teacher practices what he teaches ♦

Irish proverb, late 6 th century

rhe Irish had their own version of "practice what you preach." Saint Columban, one of the greatest missionaries of the Celtic church, who, during the Dark Ages, initiated a revival of spirituality on the European continent, observed in his Latin text Carmen Monostichon (c. 600): "He is a great teacher who practices what he teaches."

Columban was himself a great teacher. Educated in the Monastery of Saint Comgall at of Bangor, he left Ireland about 590 with a band of twelve monks, which included three other future saints: Attala, Gall, and Columbanus the Younger. The group founded monasteries throughout Europe; Columban finally settled in Italy, starting the great monastery of Bobbio, where he died. His works include poems, letters, sermons, a penitential, and a rule book; and his belief that a teacher should "practice what he teaches" appears as a theme in many of these manuscripts.

Columban had expressed the maxim in Latin. Its first variation in English is credited to William Langland, in his great allegorical work on religious themes, Piers Plowman (c. 1377), written in Middle English: "If ye lyuen [learn] as ye leren [teach] us, we shal leue [believe] you the bettere." In other words, don't believe a teacher who doesn't practice what he teaches.

William Shakespeare used a version of the maxim in The Merchant of Venice (c. 1596): "It is a good divine that follows his own instructions."

To err is human; to forgive, divine ♦

Alexander Pope; An Essay on Criticism, 1711

v/~U religions view forgiveness as a beneficial trait and a major \^s .L virtue. This is because when you forgive someone who has done you a wrong, you put into action a cascade of other virtues: love,

Words to Live By

compassion, and understanding; perhaps mercy and charity. You stem the poisonous side effects of anger, resentment, and hostility; and you rise above self-interests and the kind of self-love that is the sin of pride. To forgive is to set off a beneficial chain reaction of events. As poet William Carlos Williams wrote:

What power has love but forgiveness?

In other words

by its intervention

what has been done

can be undone.

What good is it otherwise? "

Asphodel, That GreenyFlower."

According to the Bible, the first moral injury committed was the disobedience of Adam and Eve. By eating the forbidden fruit, they wounded God—who did not have to forgive them. He could have created another Adam and Eve and started creation all over again, hopefully on a better foot. But God did forgive them (and punish them). This episode in Genesis has become the model for forgiveness in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. You do not have to forgive your offender; but out of the "goodness of your heart," following God's example, you freely chose to do so. This is what Pope means in the line "To err is human; to forgive, divine."

Mohammad considered human weakness so commonplace and the ability to forgive so noble that he declared: "If you do not make mistakes and then ask forgiveness, Allah shall replace you by people who make mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and are forgiven."

All religions have expressions on forgiveness:

Judaism: It is fitting for a great God to forgive great sinners. TALMUD, Wayyikra Rabbah 5.

Islam: He who forgives, and is reconciled unto his enemy, shall receive his reward from Allah. KORAN, 42:40.

Practice what you preach

Hinduism: I beg forgiveness of Thee, the Immeasurable One. BHAGAVAD GlTA, 11:42.

Christianity: Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. Luke 23:34.

How often should you forgive?

Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude. MARTIN

Luther King, Jr.

He who forgives others, God forgives him ♦

Arabic proverb, 12 th century

s~~io& forgave Adam and Eve their sin. He even promised them eventual KJf entry into his kingdom. But he threw them out of the garden naked, forced them to do hard labor, to suffer sundry illnesses, to experience guilt and shame; and he saw to it that Eve, and all her female descendants, would have to bear children in pain. God forgave but set conditions.

What happens to a person who, through weakness of character, will not allow himself or herself to forgive? And to forget? An answer was given by Saint Francis of Paola (d. 1507), a devout Franciscan friar who practiced denial and repentance (he slept on a rock bed) and was counsel to King Louis XI and his heir, Charles VIII:

Pardon one another so that later on you will not remember the injury. The recollection of an injury is in itself wrong. It adds to your anger, nurtures your sin and hates what is good. It is a rusty arrow and poison for the soul. It puts all virtue to flight. In seeking revenge all virtues you possess are destroyed.

We now know that there are physiological consequences of holding onto anger, retaining feelings of revenge and hostility. Negative emotions can lead to illness and even death. Not to forgive kills not only all the virtues in the soul but also the health of the body.

Words to Live By

Adam and Eve's sin ushered the need for forgiveness into the world.

Origin of Christian Forgiveness: Garden of Eden

If Adam and Eve had not sinned and required forgiveness, Jesus Christ would not have been born into the world for the redemption of humankind. Without Christ there would be no Christian faith. No Christian ethics. No Christians. Forgiveness, rooted in the Garden of Eden, became the vine on which Christianity grew.

Saint Paul made this clear in his letters to the Ephesians (c. 60 C.E.), the people who resided in one of the great cities of antiquity, located on the western coast of Asia Minor, in present-day Turkey. In one letter, containing one of the longest sentences in the Bible (1:3-14 in the King James Version; other versions divide up the sentence), Paul says salvation is only possible because God wholeheartedly forgives human transgressions, and does so out of love. Three letters later Paul was still emphasizing the point:

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you. EPHESIANS 4:32.

A major Church Father and the 5 th -century bishop of Hippo explicitly stated that forgiveness is the cornerstone of the Christian church:

Practice what you preach

The remission of sins! For it is by this that the Church on earth stands. It is through this that what has been lost, and was found, is saved from being lost again. SAINT AUGUSTINE.

"Christian forgiveness is more than a forgetting and passing over the guilt of others," writes ethicist Klaus Demmer in Christian Ethics. "Just as the believer knows that God has taken the first step in loving him, he goes out to meet his neighbor in limitless love."

Demmer, and other Christian ethicists, argue that it is the promise of salvation itself that frees every Christian to make reconciliation here and now, in the present. "Because the believer relies on Gods descent into history," says Demmer, "the human community is healed at its roots. The gift of forgiveness is the first sign of all-inclusive solidarity in salvation. It leaves one's neighbor to his own experience of God. Injuries done by one's neighbor are accepted calmly; the final judgment on history is left to God."

Two thoughts on forgiveness:

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. WILLIAM BLAKE,

poet, "What God Is."

How shall I lose the sin, yet keep the sense, And love the offender, yet detest the offense?

Alexander Pope.

I wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole ♦

United States, Mid- 1700s

^~T~^his familiar maxim and two that follow are not charitable. They ex-JL press contempt, pique, displeasure, anger, and almost a resolve not to forgive someone for some real or imagined offense.

The word "pole" refers to the wooden poles, about ten feet long, used by barge handlers to negotiate their floating flatbeds along canals in order

Words to Live By

to deliver merchandise. If two handlers had had a dispute, one might say to a friend, "I wouldn't touch him with my ten-foot pole." He meant, in effect, I won't have anything more to do with him. I wouldn't get within ten feet of him. In the 1920s on college campuses the maxim became: "I wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole," said by a male about an unattractive or sexually loose female.

I wouldn't give him the time of day ♦

United States, 1950s

rhe adage suggests that the person is held in contempt and, no matter how hard he or she might try to smooth things out, redemption is impossible—no forgiveness here. Interestingly, the maxim arose in a decade when wristwatches were coming down in price and were affordable to common folk. Telling time was cheap, and "I wouldn't give her the time of day" suggested that you'd not even glance at your wrist to accommodate the person.

If the shoe fits, wear it ♦

New-York Gazette & Weekly Mercury, May 17, 1773

This suggests that the speaker has made an unflattering assessment that, if true, the listener must accept. In 16 th -century England the forerunner expression was "if the cap fits, wear it." "Shoe" became the American variant in 1773, in the New-York Gazette & Weekly Mercury-. "Why should Mr. Vanderbeck apply a general comparison to himself? Let those whom the shoe fits wear it." The expression can also be given a positive spin: if the facts are true, deal with them.

I always choose to make my statute of limitations a short one ♦

Abraham Lincoln; on forgiving quickly

JL A, a

3 2 2

ow much time should elapse between an offense committed against a person and that person's act of forgiveness? Should forgiveness

Practice what you preach

come immediately on the heels of a wrong, or should one "lick one's wound" and wait for "a time for healing?" Pope John Paul II waited four days to publicly forgive his would-be assassin Mehmet AH Agca. Perhaps the pontiff had privately forgiven Agca much earlier.

Any wronged person initially experiences a certain degree of hardhead-edness against forgiveness. A little voice whispers, "If you forgive too quickly, or too completely, you're being weak, servile, and perhaps acknowledging complicity in the crime." Lexicographer Samuel Johnson offered this advice: "A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the true value of time, and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain."

Should forgiveness of a wrong be based in part at least on the offender's promise of repentance? A parent usually forgives a child some naughtiness only after extracting a promise that the child will never again act in that unacceptable manner. The Christian sacrament of penance and the Jewish ten days of repentance both require a resolve on the part of the sinner not

Abraham Lincoln in his theatre box, and John Wilkes Booth, Shakespearean actor.

Words to Live By

to commit the same sin a second time. God forgave Adam and Eve quickly, but not without stern rebuke and retribution.

Repentance is the way that a wrongdoer admits to his or her wrong. When a serious wrongdoer repents, he states that he joins in with the community's condemnation of his evil action. Repentance on the part of the offender makes forgiveness of the wrong easier, since it injects reciprocity into the bargain. The wrongdoer repents, and the person wronged retains a sense of self-respect.

On forgiving quickly, Abraham Lincoln said: "I always like to make my statute of limitations a short one. He also said:

I am a patient man, always willing to forgive on the Christian terms of repentance, and also to give ample time for repentance. LETTER TO Reverdy Johnson, 1862.

Five thoughts on forgiveness:

A forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note, torn in two and burned up, so that it can never be shown against the man. HENRY Ward BEECHER, CLERGYMAN, Life Thoughts, 1858.

Forgiveness is perfect when the sin is not remembered. ARABIC PROVERB.

We all like to forgive, and we all love best not those who offend us least, nor those who have done most for us, but those who make it most easy for us to forgive them. SAMUEL BUTLER, BRITISH POET, RECONCILIATION.

The ineffable joy of forgiving and being forgiven forms an ecstasy that might well arouse the envy of the gods. ELBERT HUBBARD, EDITOR, PRINTER, THE Notebook, 1927.

Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is again made clean. DAG Ham-MARSKJOLD, UNITED NATIONS SECRETARY-GENERAL, MARKINGS, 1964.

Every cloud

has a silver lining

HOPE

& Faith

definition: The desire that all one believes in is

possible. word origin: From the Middle English verb hopen,

"to look forward to. " significance: What oxygen is to the lungs, hope is to

the continuance of daily living The absence of hope is

despair, and the permanent absence leads to suicide. related virtues: Faith, endurance, and patience. opposite traits: Despair, depression, and suicide.

32$

While there's life, there's hope ♦

Terence, Roman comic dramatist; 2nd dentury B.C.E.

One of the oldest and most popular maxims on hope suggests that as long as there's life in a body, one should never give up. One's situation might improve. The saying was first rendered by Terence, one of Rome's greatest comic dramatists: Modo liceat vivere, est spes, "Provided there's life, there's hope."

It was repeated by Roman statesman, lawyer, and scholar, Marcus Tul-lius Cicero, in his collection of letters AdAtticum I-XVI (49 B.C.E.): Dum vita est, spes est, "While life is, hope is." Regarded as one of the greatest Roman orators of his time, and the innovator of what became known as Ciceronian rhetoric, Cicero made another profound statement about hope: Dum spiro, spew, "While I breathe, I hope." Centuries later that was adopted as one of the two mottoes of South Carolina (the other is: Animis opibusque parati, literally "prepared in minds and resources," but popularly rendered as "ready for anything").

Two of the earliest English versions of "while there's life, there's hope":

• The sycke person whyle he hath lyfe, hath hope. Richard Tavener, Proverbes or Adagies (1539).

• All things may be hoped for by a man as long as he is alive. French intellectual Michel Montaigne, in his Essays (1580), regarded today as one of the most captivating and intimate self-portraits ever written, on a par with Saint Augustine's and Rousseau s.

The modern English wording first appeared in John Ray's A Collection of English Proverbs (1670): "where there is life, there is hope." The leading naturalist and botanist had a passion for collecting plants, and his enduring legacy to botany was the establishment of species as the ultimate unit of taxonomy.

Four thoughts on hope:

The word which God has written on the brow of every man is hope. VICTOR Hugo, French novelist.

3 2 6

Every cloud has a silver lining Hope is a waking dream. ARISTOTLE.

When you get to the end of your rope, hope! ENGLISH PROVERB.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. DANTE, INFERNO, DEFINING HELL.

Tomorrow is another day ♦

Fernando de Rojas, Spanish Novelist; Calisto and Melibea, c. 1499

(~7{) J hen a despondent yet hopeful Scarlet O'Hara sighs at the close of UU Margaret Mitchell's novel Gone With the Wind (1936), "After all, tomorrow is another day," she was expressing a centuries-old maxim. The saying, usually invoked at the end of a trying time, and when tomorrow seems to offer a fresh start, first appeared in the anonymously published Spanish dialogue novel Celestma (c. 1499). Considered the first masterpiece of Spanish prose and the greatest and most influential work of the early Renaissance in Spain, it is also regarded by some authorities as the first European novel. The tragicomedic tale, with bawdy dialogue (titled in its first English translation, 1631, The Spanish Bawd), involves the thwarted young lovers Calisto and Melibea. When he is killed in a fall from a ladder at her window, she commits suicide. Its authorship is attributed to converted Jewish lawyer Fernando de Rojas, of whom little is known. He wrote the line of dialogue as: "Well, mother, tomorrow is a new day."

The expression eventually came into wide use and began appearing in other novels and plays. Poet and playwright John Lyly, the first English prose stylist to leave an enduring impression upon the language, and who contributed significantly to the development of prose dialogue in English comedy, used the maxim in his Mother Bombie (1594). One of the most popular English writers of the late 16 th century, Lyly had most of his lighthearted comedies presented by a children's theater company that was the favorite of Queen Elizabeth. A child says to mother Bombie: "Well, mother, tomorrow is a new day."

The saying was used as an expression of hope by satirist Jonathan Swift

Words to Live By

in Polite Conversation (1738) and by Sir Walter Scott in St. Ronan's Well (1824).

A version closer to the modern appeared in Charles Cahier's collection Quelque Six Mille Proverbes (1856): "Tomorrow will be another day." And the exact modern wording is credited to Earl D. Biggers in Seven Keys to Baldpate (1913).

Three thoughts on hope:

Hope is a strange invention — A Pattern of the Heart — In unremitting action Yet never wearing out.

Emily Dickinson.

The miseries of poverty, sickness, of captivity, would, without the comfort of hope, be insupportable. SAMUEL JOHNSON, ENGLISH LEXICOGRAPHER.

Hope is the poor mans bread. ENGLISH PROVERB.

It's not over till it's over ♦

Attributed to Yogi Berra, baseball banager; 1973

^ITjerhaps one of the most quoted of all Yogiisms, this remark was al-JL legedly made by baseball manager Yogi Berra when his New York Mets were at a low point and in need of a miraculous turnaround. The expression of hope suggests that in life, as in baseball, no situation is final until the game itself is over. President George Bush, who was partial to Yogiisms, applied the maxim to political campaigning in 1992: "Politics is like baseball. It isn't over till the last batter swings." When he lost the presidency to Bill Clinton, George Bush could have used another attributed Yogiism: "The future ain't what it used to be."

It's not over till the fat lady sings ♦

Black proverb, American South, 19 th century

Every cloud has a silver lining

This marginal expression of hope has been traced back to the American South {Smithsonian, August 1991; Ralph Graves), where it arose during Sunday services as: "Church ain't out till the fat lady sings." In other words, no bored churchgoer could hope to leave his pew until the final hymn was sung. This contradicts an earlier belief that the expression arose in grand opera, a statement that no listener, however, bored, could leave the theater until the heroine delivered her final aria.

It's not the end of the world ♦

America, late 19 th century

This favorite parental advice to a child, suggests that the current crisis is not so bad when taken in perspective. With just a little hope, and time, things will brighten. The maxim was popular in America from late in the 19 th century.

American Presidents on Hope

We shall nobly save or meanly lose the last best hope of earth. ABRAHAM LINCOLN, Message to Congress, 1862.

It is possible, even probable, that hopelessness among a people can be a far more potent cause of war than greed. DwiGHT D. EISENHOWER, 1950.

Hope spurns humans everywhere to work harder to endure more now that the future may be better; but despair is the climate of war and death. Even America, without American optimism, can accomplish nothing beyond the needs of each day. DwiGHT D. EISENHOWER, 1950.

We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes. JOHN F. Kennedy.

Unfortunately, many Americans live on the outskirts of hope, some because of their poverty, and some because of their color, and all too many because of

both. Lyndon B. Johnson, State of the Union Address, 1964.

Words to Live By

The future holds little hope for any government where the present holds no hope for the people. LYNDON B. JOHNSON, SIGNING THE IMMIGRATION

Bill, Liberty Island, N.Y., 1965.

To hope is to believe in humanity, and in its future. Hope remains the highest reality, the age-old power. RONALD REAGAN, 1986.

Millions of our neighbors are without work. It is up to us to see they are not without hope. Ronald Reagan, State of the Union Address, 1983.

Hope is at the root of all the great ideas and causes that have bettered the lot of humankind across the centuries. RONALD REAGAN, 1986.

This has been called the American century, because in it we were the dominant force for good in the world. We saved Europe, cured polio, we went to the moon and lit the world with our culture. Now we are on the verge of a new century, and what country's name will it bear? I say it will be another American century. GEORGE BUSH, ACCEPTING HIS PARTY'S NOMINATION FOR THE PRESIDENCY, AUGUST 18, 1988.

Every cloud has a silver lining ♦

John Milton; Comus, 1634

f~f ohn Milton, in his masque Comus (1634), gave the first version of

f this "hope" maxim, which suggests that every difficult or depressing

circumstance has some hidden consolation, some opportunity, and thus

there is always reason to hope. Milton wrote: "Was I deceiv'd, or did a

sable cloud / Turn forth her silver lining on the night?"

Charles Dickens, in his novel Bleak House (1853), paraphrased Milton and drew new attention to the idea when he wrote: "I turn my silver lining outward like Milton's cloud." English audiences attending Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado (1885) were treated to the line: "Don't let's be downhearted. There's a silver lining to every cloud."

The modern wording first appeared in print in Struggles and Triumphs; Or, The Life of P. T Barnum, Written by Himself (1 869; edited by George

Every cloud has a silver lining

The transfer of Jumbo to Madison Square Garden, 1882. P. 77 Barnum's Circus.

S. Bryan, 1927), by the masterful American impresario Phineas Taylor Barnum: " 'Every cloud,' says the proverb, 'has a silver lining.' "

For the showman with the Midas touch, who employed sensational forms of presentation and publicity to popularize such amusements as museums, musical concerts, and, along with James A. Bailey, the three-ring circus as "The Greatest Show on Earth," every "gray" adversity did indeed prove to have a profitable "silver lining."

Barnum was fifteen when his father died, and the support of his mother and his five sisters and brothers fell upon his shoulders. After holding a variety of odd jobs, be became publisher of a Danbury, Connecticut, weekly newspaper, Herald of Freedom, and soon was arrested three times for libel. Enjoying the taste of notoriety, Barnum may well have been the first person to have said "even bad publicity is good." Before he was twenty, he'd realized that grabbing the public's attention, one way or another, gave a project high visibility and, usually, high profit. He found his true vocation as a showman in 1835 when, while living in New

Words to Live By

York City, he successfully presented Joice Heth, a wizened black woman whom he advertised as the " 161-year-old nurse to General George Washington." Eventually she was exposed as a hoax. He then exhibited bizarre waxwork figures and publicized a group of "live human freaks."

"This is a trading world," he said to his critics. "Men, women and children, who cannot live on gravity alone, need something to satisfy their gayer, lighter, moods and hours, and he who ministers to this want is in a business established by the Author of our nature." When a fire destroyed one of his exhibitions, he sold tickets to see the charred destruction—out of the cloud of smoke he quite literally found sliver. "Give the public what they want" was P. T. Barnum's motto.

Subsequently he gave them Feejee, the Human Mermaid (a hoax), the genuine curiosity of Siamese twins Chang and Eng (connected by a ligament below their breastbone), and the very real 25-inch tall Charles S. Stratton, billed as General Tom Thumb, who was received by President Abraham Lincoln and Queen Victoria, and an unknown Swedish soprano, Jenny Lind, dubbed the Swedish Nightingale. In his autobiography, which contains the line "every cloud has a silver lining," Barnum frankly admitted to many of the hoaxes he'd presented. The cynicism "there's a sucker born every minute" has long been attributed to Barnum, but there is no proof that he ever wrote or spoke the words.

During World War I, millions of people literally sang the maxim, which was a lyric in the hit song "Keep the Home Fires Burning":

There's a silver lining

Though the dark clouds shining,

Turn the dark cloud inside out,

Till the boys come home.

Ivor Novello and Lena Guilbert Ford, 1915.

Shortly after the "war "to end all wars"—an expression of hope in itself—"Look for the Silver Lining" (1920) became a hit song for Jerome Kern:

Look for the silver lining

Every cloud has a silver lining

When e'er a cloud appears in the blue. Remember somewhere the sun is shining And so the right thing to do Is make it shine for you. A heart full of joy and gladness Will always banish sadness and strife So always bok for the silver lining And try to find the sunny side of life.

The darkest hour is always before the dawn ♦

Thomas Fuller; A Pisgah-Sight of Palestine, 1650

rhe Greek playwright Euripides, in Iphigeneia in Tauris (c. 414 B.C.E.), gave the first version of this maxim. It suggests that things are not as hopeless as they seem, just as the chilliest time of day comes an hour before sunrise, as lengthy night is about to banished by the warmth and light and day. Euripides, suggesting that hope is on the horizon, wrote: "Nay, misery's blackest night may chance, By Fortune's turn, to show a happy dawn."

What is essentially the modern wording was given by British scholar and preacher Thomas Fuller in A Pisgah-Sight of Palestine (1650): "It is always darkest just before the day dawneth." A doctor of divinity who literally kept his London parishioners in stitches, Fuller often preached about the necessity of hope and believed that laughter was the best medicine.

English statesman Benjamin Disraeli, in Endymion (1880), give his own version: "The darkest hour precedes the dawn."

Wit and humorist Dorothy Parker gave the maxim a pessimistic spin: "It is always darkest before the deluge."

Better to light one little candle than to curse the dark ♦

Chinese proverb

Originating in China, this proverb suggests that at one's lowest point of despair, it is wise to take any small action, however trivial it may seem to others, to lift one's own spirits. Darkness is shattered by the small-

Words to Live By

"Ifev'ryone lit just One Little Candle, What a bright world this would be. "

est ray of light. The song "One Little Candle" (1951), with words and music by J. Maloy Roach and George Mysels, became a hit:

It is better to light just one little candle

Than to stumble in the dark,

Better far that you light just one little candle,

All you need's a tiny spark.

If we'd all say a prayer that the world would be free,

The wonderful dawn of a new day we'd see,

And ifev'ryone lit just one little candle,

What a bright world this would be.

Keep a stiff upper lip ♦

American proverb, **»!* i Q th

erican proverb, early 19 l " century

/~° m ~ir~'

'he maxim suggests that in times of great adversity, when under stress one's lips can quiver, we should muster courage, calm the lips, and

Every cloud has a silver lining

be hopeful that the situation will brighten. While the maxim gained wide popularity in England in the 1830s, lexicographers claim that it originated in the United States some fifteen years earlier, first appearing in American Glossary (1815).

Chin up! ♦

World War II Americanism

Chin up!", an exclamation that suggests being cheerful and holding one's head high in times of adversity, originated in the United States during the war years of the 1940s. Horrible as World War II was, "chin up!" held out the promise that one day soon it would be over. Military recruits learned "Chin up! Chest out! Back straight!"

A ray of hope ♦

Saint Augustine; Confessions, c. 399 C.E.

£"">aint Augustine the influential church father and bishop of Hippo, C^J was not unfamiliar with the sentiment of the expression "the darkest hour is that before the dawn." He used many variations of his own making in describing his traumatic turning away from sin and conversion to Christianity. "A ray of hope" on which he focused steadfastly led him to emerge from his "darkest hour":

There was a small garden attached to the house where we lodged. . . / now found myself driven by the tumult in my breast to take refuge in this garden, where no one could interrupt that fierce struggle, in which I was my own contestant, until it came to its conclusion.

I probed the hidden depths of my soul and wrung its pitiful secrets from it, and when I gathered them all before the eyes of my heart, a great storm broke within me, bringing with it a great deluge of tears . . . This was my darkest hour, for I felt that I was still enslaved by my sins, and in my misery I kept crying, "How long shall I go on saying, 'Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow?

Why not now? Why not make an end of my ugly sins this moment?"

Words to Live By

/ was asking myself these questions, weeping all the while with the most bitter sorrow in my heart, when all at once I heard the sing-song voice of a child in a nearby house. Whether it was the voice of a boy or a girl I cannot say, but again and again it repeated the chorus, "Take it and read, take it and read. "At this I looked up, thinking hard whether there was any kind of game in which children used to chant words like these, but I could not remember ever hearing them before. I stemmed my flood of tears and stood up, telling myself that this could only be God's command to open my book of Scripture and read the first passage on which my eyes should fall. . . .

So I hurried back to the place where Alypius was sitting, for when I stood up to move away I had put down the book containing Pauls letters. I seized it and opened it, and in silence I read the first passage on which my eyes fell: "No orgies or drunkenness, no immorality or indecency, no fighting or jealousy. Take up the weapons of the Lord Jesus Christ; and stop giving attention to your sinful nature, to satisfy its desires. " I had no wish to read more and no need to do so. For in an instant, as I came to the end of the sentence, it was as though a ray of hope and faith flooded into my heart and all the darkness of doubt was suddenly dispelled.

Six Saints on Hope

Of the triune virtues, hope is said to be the parent of faith and charity, for no hopeless person can harbor faith or perform an act of charity. The very cornerstone of Christianity, God's promised redemption of humankind, is an act of hope. The saints who wrote about the theological virtues realized how complexly intertwined were hope and faith:

O man, believe in God with all your might, for hope rests on faith, love on hope. Nicholas of Flue; d. 1487.

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes. SAINT Clement of Alexandria, Greek theologian & church father, d. 217

Every cloud has a silver lining

Hope always draws the soul from the beauty that is seen to what is beyond, always kindles the desire for the hidden through what is perceived. GREGORY OF NYSSA; BISHOP OF Nyssa, D. 394.

The believing man is not one who thinks God can do all things, but one who trusts that he will obtain everything. Faith is the agent of things unhoped for. John Climacus, monk and abbot, d. 649.

Live in faith and hope, though it be in darkness, for in this darkness God protects the soul. John of the Cross, Carmelite monk, d. 1591.

What can be hoped for which is not believed? SAINT AUGUSTINE, On FAITH,

Hope and Charity, c. 421.

The first step's the hardest ♦

Sir Thomas More (1477—1535), English Humanist and statesman

^ir Thomas More, chancellor of England beheaded for refusing to ac-t^J cept King Henry VIII as head of the Church of England, was recognized as a saint by the Roman Catholic church and canonized on May 19, 1935. He had many occasions on which to use this maxim—figuratively, in his early stand against the king, and literally, in his long march from his jail cell to the beheading block. Many condemned prisoners have since commented that the first step is the hardest.

The proverb attributed to More appeared in the early biography Sir Thomas More (c. 1596), by Anthony Munday: "Would I were so far on my journey. The first stretch is the worst methinks."

Mores refusal to attend the coronation of Anne Boleyn, whom Henry married after his divorce from Catherine in 1533, marked him out for vengeance. He was summoned to appear before royal commissioners to assent under oath to the Act of Succession, which declared the king's marriage with Catherine void and that with Anne valid. He refused the oath because it also entailed a repudiation of papal supremacy. Imprisoned in the Tower on April 17, 1534, he commenced to write A Dialogue of Comfort against Tribulation, a masterpiece of Christian wisdom and of litera-

Words to Live By

Sir Thomas More.

ture.

His conviction took place on July 1, 1535. Before the sentence was pronounced, More spoke "in discharge of his conscience," arguing that "no temporal man may be head of the spiritualty." He was sentenced to the traitor's death—"to be drawn, hanged, and quartered"—which the king changed to beheading. As More prepared his soul to meet "the great spouse," he wrote a beautiful prayer. Walking to the scaffold on Tower Hill, he said to the lieutenant, "See me safe up, and for my coming down let me shift for myself." He told the onlookers to witness that he was dying "in the faith and for the faith of the Catholic Church, the king's good servant and God's first." He altered the ritual by blindfolding himself.

In the next century in France, with reference to another beheading, a French proverb emerged: II n'y a que le premiere pas qui coute, "Only the first step costs." Most early recordings of the saying and its variations have to do with walks to the beheading block. In Dictionary (1616) by English lexicographer John Withals, the maxim is dramatically given: "The first step is as good as half over."

In general the maxim suggests that the most difficult part of any un-

Every cloud has a silver lining

pleasant undertaking is the decision to begin. As Bugs Bunny often put it, usually while Elmer Fudd was careening into an abyss, "Watch that first step, Doc. It's a lulu."

The maxim of hope "Life is hard by the yard, but a cinch by the inch" suggests taking things one at a time—otherwise life's difficulties can be overwhelming. It is a 20 th -century Americanism.

Hope tells us tomorrow will be better ♦

Epictetus, Greek Stoic philosopher; Encheiridion, c. 110 C.E.

£""T)eople who attend church regularly live longer than those who never JL go. Churchgoers score higher on psychological tests measuring positive mental health, contentment with life, positive outlook on life, and all-around happiness. Such results, known anecdotally for centuries, have been scientifically reported for more than a decade in poll after poll. Hope, as experienced through faith, is the primary underlying cause for all ehese beneficial effects.

Hope is the primary source of human happiness. Conversely, no hopeless person is ever a happy one. Despite the reasons for committing suicide—terminal illness, deep depression, loss of a loved one, dim prospects for the future—the single underlying cause is a loss of hope.

"Hope tells us tomorrow will be better" said Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus (c. 55-c. 135 C.E.), remembered for the religious tone of his teachings, which commended him to numerous early Christian thinkers. His original name is not known; epiktetos is a Greek word meaning "acquired." A slave, sickly and undernourished as boy, he managed to sneak into lectures by Stoic philosophers. He learned that "hope equals happiness." Lame and in ill health as an adult, he believed that hope got him from day to day and, in time became a freedman. Though he wrote down nothing himself, his teachings were transmitted by Arrian, his pupil, in two works: Discourses, of which four books are extant; and the Encheirid-ion, or Manual, a collection of philosophic ideas rendered as easy-to-digest aphorisms.

Of all the aphorisms in the book, Epictetus thought that "two maxims we must ever bear in mind: 'That apart from the will there is nothing

Words to Live By

good or bad,' and That we must not try to anticipate or to direct events, but merely to accept them with intelligence.' "

Three proverbs, from three different cultures, equate hope with happiness:

• There is more delight in hope than in any enjoyment. JAPANESE

• Hope is the last thing to abandon the unhappy. CHINESE

• Nothing kills hope faster than cynicism. ENGLISH

"Hope itself is a species of happiness," declared 18th-century English lexicographer Samuel Johnson, "perhaps the chief happiness which this world affords." The great dictionary compiler essentially defined hope as a synonym of happiness. The only cost one risks by hoping, is the possibility of disappointment; while hopelessness is permanent disappointment.

Always look on the bright side ♦

English proverb, pre-18 th century

yf lways look on the bright side" suggests one take the optimistic \^^rl view of every situation—view the glass as half full, not half empty. Some lexicographers argue that the maxim, as regards hope, originated in the 19 th century. Others trace it back before the 18 th century, when it seems to have referred to a man's battle shield. The front of a shield, polished and decorated with beautiful images, was pleasant to view, while the back was dull and unattractive—"always look on the bright side." The maxim has been rendered as a joke:

Look at the bright side, no matter how old you are, you're younger than you 11 ever be again. "CURRENT COMEDY," Reader's DIGEST, 1993.

Accentuate the Positive ♦

Title of a Johnny Mercer song, 1944

z/~ccentuate the positive," equivalent to "always look on the \^y 1. bright side," was popularized by a hit song of that title, with

Every cloud has a silver lining

music by Harold Arlen and lyrics by Johnny Mercer, sung by Bing Crosby and Sonny Tufts in the film Here Come the Waves.

The best is yet to be ♦

Robert Browning; "Rabbi Ben Ezra," 1864

/Suggesting that the future promises to be better than the present or i^j the past, the maxim is from a poem by Robert Browning:

Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the first was made.

Our times are in his hand.

"Rabbi Ben Ezra," Stanza 1.

Gordon W. Allport, in Waiting for the Lord (1978), claims that hope is one of the most fundamental of all human experiences, unique to the species. "What we call ideals are nothing but intricate plans based on hopes," he says. Love, loyalty, courage, tolerance, forgiveness—all these virtues rest on a foundation of human expectancy. Only a person who

Poets Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning.

Words to Live By

hopes for a better future—be it the next hour, next day, or next year—can afford to be brave, honorable, sympathetic, charitable, or just. "Religion itself is ultimately a loving hope," concludes Allport. "A hope that there is a God, that there is a meaning in human suffering, and in the disappointment of our individual, self-centered hopes." Martin Luther wrote:

As wisdom without courage is futile; even so faith without hope is nothing worth; for hope endures and overcomes misfortune and evil. TABLE Talk.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick ♦

Old Testament, Proverbs 13:12

rhe sick, aided by a sufficient dose of hope, can often cure their bodies by causing the immune system to rally and attack the disease. Incontestable medical evidence shows that a person's positive, hopeful frame of mind can be in many cases as effective as medication itself.

"The human body," says author Norman Cousins, who claimed that the prescription of hope and laughter cured him of serious disease, "experiences a powerful gravitational pull in the direction of hope. That is why the patient's hopes are the physician's secret weapon. They are the hidden ingredients in any prescription."

An Irish proverb elaborates upon Cousins' sentiment: "Hope is the physician of each misery."

The Old Testament wisdom, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life" (Proverbs 13:12), has undergone many interesting variations:

• Hope that is deferred, torments the soul. John Wyclijfe, English Bible, c. 1388 (published in 1850).

• Deprive the heart of hope and much trouble will do. John Rastell, English playwright, in Calisto and Melebea, 1529 — based on the Spanish prose masterpiece, c. 1499, of young love.

• Hope that is deferred, prolonged, and put off, vexes the mind.

Every cloud has a silver lining Roger Edgeworth, in Sermons, 1557.

Give the patient hope, even when death seems at hand ♦

Ambroise Pare (1510— 1590), French physician, "Father of modern surgery"

r-yames Little, an American physician of the 19th century, taught his I students "that the first qualification for a physician is hopefulness."

Three centuries earlier, when hospital surgery was a radical and risky undertaking, French surgeon Ambroise Pare, one of the most notable surgeons of the European Renaissance, and regarded by some medical historians as the father of modern surgery, advised his colleagues that before putting patients under the knife, "Always give the patient hope, even when death seems at hand." Pare realized that without hope death was often a foregone conclusion. Having begun his career as a barber-surgeon, Pare became royal surgeon to Henri II, Francois II, Charles IX, and Henri III.

In Pares day, hope was often the only medicine a physician could offer a patient. As an army surgeon Pare revolutionized the treatment of gunshot wounds, once cleansed with boiling oil, by applying a mixture of egg yolk, rose oil, and turpentine. And he begged doctors to tie off large arteries during leg amputations rather than sear the vessels with hot irons to check hemorrhaging. Unlike most surgeons of his time, Pare resorted to surgery only when he found it absolutely necessary, and he was one of the first surgeons to abandon the practice of castrating male children who required hernia surgery. He introduced implantation of teeth, artificial limbs, and popularized the use of the truss for hernia, and was the first physician to suggest syphilis as a cause of aneurysm. "We must give the patient hope that a cure is possible," he advised his fellow surgeons, "even when we believe it is not." Pare was leaving room for what we'd call a "miraculous cure," the case in which the body, against overwhelming odds, rallies to cure itself.

Two thoughts on hope and health:

The miserable have no other medicine But only hope. WILLIAM SHAKE-

Words to Live By

speare, Measure for Measure, c. 1604.

Strong hope is a much greater stimulant of life than any single realized joy could be. Friedrich Nietzsche, The Antichrist, 1888.

HOPE = "to look forward to"

The English verb "to hope" comes from the Middle English hopen, meaning "to expect something" or "to look forward to." Thus, central to the emotion of hope is the notion of expectancy or promise, a positive "look forward" to some future time. The word hope's earlier derivative was the Indo-European hop, meaning "to leap up in expectation." Linguistically, and emotionally, hope requires a leap beyond the bounds of the present in order to contemplate a promise that lies in the future. A "hope chest" is (or was) a trunk in which a young woman collected linens, clothing and household items in anticipation of marriage. Three thoughts on hope:

True hope is swift and flies with swallows wings;

Kings it makes gods, and meaner creatures kings.

Shakespeare, Richard III.

Hope is desire and expectation rolled into one. ENGLISH PROVERB.

O Wind, If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind? Percy Bysshe Shelley, "Ode to the West Wind."

Don't count your chickens before they hatch ♦

Thomas Howell; New Sonnets, c. 1570

^T^\on't count your chickens before they hatch (or are hatched')" ad-JL^ dresses the notion of "false hope" or leaping to an assumption, usually favorable, that might turn out to be wrong. Ten incubating eggs might yield only eight viable chicks. In English this barnyard wisdom has

Every cloud has a silver lining

been traced back to poet Thomas Howell's New Sonnets and Pretty Pamphlets (c. 1570): "Count not thy Chickens that unhatched be."

It appeared in British ecclesiastic and writer Stephen Gosson's Ephemerides of Phialo (1579) with a second metaphor added: "I woulde not haue him to counte his Chickens so soone before they be hatchet, nor tryumphe so long before the victorie."

Aesop's fable "The Milkmaid and Her Pail" made the same point and by barnyard analogy:

A milkmaid was on her way to market, carrying a pail of milk on the top of her head. As she walked along the road in the early morning she began to turn over in her mind what she would do with the money she would receive for the milk.

"I shall buy some hens from a neighbor," said she to herself, "and they will lay eggs every day which I shall sell to the pastors wife. And with the egg money I'll buy myself a new dress and ribbon. Green they should be, for green becomes my complexion best. And dressed in this lovely green dress I will go to the fair. All the young men will seek to have me for a partner. I shall pretend that I do not see them. When they become too insistent I shall disdainfully toss my head wildly — like this. "

As the milkmaid spoke, she tossed her head forcefully back, and down came the pail of milk, spilling all over the ground. And so all her high hopes vanished, and nothing was left but an empty pail and the promise of a scolding when she returned home.

moral: Don't count your money until you have it.

Hope is a good breakfast but a bad supper ♦

Francis Bacon, English philosopher; Apophthegmes, 1625

Y /°P e ^ a good breakfast but a bad supper" suggests that at the start A A of an endeavor it is wise to be hopeful, but by the task's conclusion high hopes better have been replaced by real results. It is not a critical expression of hope but a realistic one.

English philosopher and essayist Francis Bacon penned the saying in

Words to Live By

Apophthegmes (1625), a year before his death. The saying had personal meaning for him. After losing favor with the king, Bacon was heavily fined and imprisoned in the Tower of London. When released, he was excluded from Parliament, forbidden to hold any state office, or to come within a "verge of court"—a twelve-mile radius centered on the king's residence. Despondent and angered over court intrigues, he penned the aphorism "hope is a good breakfast, but an ill supper." He'd always had an inquisitive mind, and wishing to experiment on how well cold prevented the putrefaction of meat, he killed a hen out of doors and stuffed the carcass with snow. He caught "a chill" from the endeavor that led to his death.

William Rawley, in Resuscitatio (1661), acknowledged Bacon's maxim and give the exact modern wording: "But, said the fisher men, we had hope then to make a better gain of it. Saith Mr. [Francis] Bacon well my Maisters, then He tell you; hope is a good Breakfast but a Bad supper."

Better to travel hopefully than to arrive ♦

Robert Louis Stevenson; essay, "El Dorado," 1881

T^his maxim suggests that in performing an act one is buoyed by high hopes and expectations, which can be more exciting and enjoyable than the end event. It was penned by Scottish novelist and poet Robert Louis Stevenson, best remembered for his novels Treasure Island, Kidnapped and The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. His first collection of essays, Virginibus Puerisque (1881) contained the maxim:

To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labor. "El DORADO"

A drowning man will clutch at straws ♦

Sir Thomas More; Dialogue of Comfort Against Tribulation, 1534

^7~\hilosophers and skeptics have debated for centuries one question JL surrounding hope: how big a leap of hope is rational and reasonable?

Every cloud has a silver lining

When do our hopes exceed, to an unhealthy degree, what should be realistic expectations?

"Never give out while there is hope," advised English Quaker leader William Penn, a founder of Pennsylvania, in Some Fruits of Solitude (1693). Then he cautioned, "Hope not beyond reason, for that shows more desire than judgment."

"Extreme hopes are born of extreme misery," wrote philosopher and logician Karl Jaspers in The Future of Mankind.

"Hope is a risk that must be run," wrote Roman Catholic writer Georges Bernanos in his essay "Why Freedom" (1955).

Should a patient diagnosed as terminally ill with cancer not hope for a miraculous cure? Should a prisoner of war certain of execution not hope for an eleventh-hour rescue? What constitutes an unrealistic hope? Most philosophers have come to a simple conclusion: hope is a personal and private matter, and its amount must be measured case by case, individual by individual. What may be hope for one person may appear as ridiculous wishful thinking to another.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself ♦

Popularized by Franklin D. Roosevelt; First Inaugural Address, 1933

This suggestion that optimism must always be the choice over pessimism was popularized by Franklin D. Roosevelt in his first inaugural address (1933), delivered during the dire years of the Great Depression. Only with an optimistic and hopeful outlook on the future can anything of difficulty be accomplished, suggested the new president. Lexicographers have traced the maxim back to the writings (1605) of English philosopher Francis Bacon, but it seems to have been largely ignored until Roosevelt spoke the words to a desperate nation:

The great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself-— nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.

Words to Live By

Aesop's "The Old Man and Death. "

Life, however hard, is preferable to the alternative ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

/n his amusing fable "The Old Man and Death," Aesop created a moral tale about hope:

One day, an old man was out chopping wood in the forest. When he had cut a big bundle, he packed it up and lifted it onto his back. But he was far from his home and, as he trudged along, he became very weary. Finally, in despair, he lowered his burden to the ground and summoned death.

Hearing the call, Death eagerly appeared on the scene to claim another companion. "Yes, " said Death to the weary old man, "and what is it that you want from me?"

Pointing to the bundle of wood, the old man replied, "I want you to carry that for me. "

Every cloud has a silver lining moral: Life, however hard, is preferable to the alternative.

Twelve Critics on Hope

Hope, which from a religious standpoint is inseparable from faith, has taken some hard knocks over the centuries. Many intelligent people, some agnostics, misunderstanding the personal nature of hope, have made some nasty digs.

Hope is the universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity. ROBERT G. Ingersoll, 19 th -century American lawyer.

Hope is the most treacherous of human fancies. JAMES FENIMORE COOPER, American novelist.

Hope, like faith, is nothing if it is not courageous; it is nothing if it is not ridiculous. THORNTON WILDER, PLAYWRIGHT.

'Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed' was the ninth beatitude. ALEXANDER POPE, LETTER TO A FRIEND, 1725.

What is hope? nothing but the paint on the face of Existence; the least touch of truth rubs it off, and then we see what a hollow-cheeked harlot we have got hold of Lord Byron, in a letter to Thomas Moore, 1815.

just as dumb creatures are snared by food, human beings would not be caught unless they had a nibble of hope. PETRONIUS, SaTYRICON, 1 st CENTURY C.E.

Hope should no more be a virtue than fear; we fear and we hope, according to what is promised or threatened us. VOLTAIRE, PHILOSOPHICAL DICTIONARY, 1764.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs the torments of man. Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human, 1878.

Words to Live By

Hope deceives more men than cunning can. MARQUIS DE VAUVENARGUES,

Reflections and Maxims.

Hope of all ills that men endure, The only cheap and universal cure. Abraham Cowley, "The Mistress," 1647.

When I consider life, 'tis all a cheat, Yet fooled with hope, men favor the deceit; Trust on, and think tomorrow will repay, Tomorrows falser than the former day. John Dryden, aurengzebe (1675).

He that lives upon hope will die fasting. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, POOR Richard's Almanac, 1758.

Ten Inspiring Statements on Hope

Death is the greatest evil, because it cuts off hope. WILLIAM HAZLITT, ENGLISH ESSAYIST, Characteristics, 1823.

The reason of idleness and of crime is the deferring of our hopes. RALPH Waldo Emerson, Essays, "Nominalist and Realist," 1844.

He fishes on who catches one. FRENCH PROVERB.

It is the around-the-corner brand of hope that prompts people to action, while the distant hope acts as an opiate. ERIC HOFFER, The ORDEAL OF CHANGE, 1952.

At first we hope too much, later on, not enough. JOSEPH ROUX, MEDITATIONS of a Parish Priest, 1886.

We did not dare to breath a prayer

Every cloud has a silver lining

Or give our anguish scope! Something was dead in each of us,

And what was dead was Hope. Oscar Wilde, "The Ballad of Reading Gaol."

Hope arouses, as nothing else can, a passion for the possible. MAXIM.

What enthusiasm is to the youth, and ambition to the apprentice, and peace of mind to the invalid, such is hope to the Christians. JOSEPH McSORLEY, Be of Good Heart, 1924.

Hope, like the gleaming taper's light, Adorns and cheers our way; And still, as darker grows the night, Emits a lighter ray.

Oliver Goldsmith, "The Captivity."

Hope is the best possession. None are completely wretched but those who are without hope, and few are reduced so low as that. WILLIAM HAZLITT, CHARACTERISTICS, 1823.

Those who live on expectations are sure to be disappointed ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

The expression "high hopes" is sometimes used disparagingly to suggest that a person expects fate to accomplish what only hard work can provide. One of Aesop's most popular fables on hope and expectancy is "The Wolf and the Crane":

A wolf, in gorging himself upon some animal he had killed, had got a small bone stuck in his throat. The pain was terrible, and he ran up and down beseeching every animal he met to relieve him. None of the

Words to Live By

animals, however, felt very sorry for the wolf, for, as one of them put it, "That bone which is stuck in the wolf's throat might just as well be one of mine."

Finally the suffering wolf met the crane. "I'll give "I'll give you anything, " he whined, "ifyou will help take this bone out of my throat. "

The crane, moved by his entreaties and promises of reward, ventured her long neck down the wolf's throat and drew out the bone. She then modestly asked for the promised reward.

"Reward?" barked the wolf showing his teeth. "Of all the ungrateful creatures! I have permitted you to live to tell your grandchildren that you put your head in a wolf's mouth without having it bitten off, and then you ask for a reward! Get out of here before I change my mind!"

moral: Those who live on expectations are sure to be disappointed.

Hope is best, but prepare for the worst ♦

The Tragedie of Gorboduc, 1561

\t optimistic," says the maxim, "yet ready yourself for all possibilities so you will not be caught unprepared." Hope must be tempered with realism. The saying has been traced back to the earliest English drama written in blank verse, The Tragedie of Gorboduc (1561), by Thomas Sackville, first earl of Dorset, and Thomas Norton: "Good is I grant of all to hope the best, But not to live still dreadless of the worst."

A decade later John Bridges wrote in Sermon at St. Paul's Cross (1571): "I have good cause to hope the best, where I know not the worst."

In its first appearance in the United States, in an 1813 letter by statesman John Jay, first chief justice of the Supreme Court, the saying got its modern wording: "To hope for the best and prepare for the worst, is a trite but good maxim."

Hope spring eternal from the human breast ♦

Alexander Pope; An Essay on Man, 1733

The suggestion that optimistic expectations for the future are part of human nature was coined by English poet and satirist Alexander

Every cloud has a silver lining

Pope in An Essay on Man (1733), his planned long poem (never completed) on the relations of man, nature, and society. He intended it to be a grand systematic attempt to buttress the notion of a God-ordained, perfectly ordered, all-inclusive hierarchy of created things. Pope is one of the most quotable of English authors and here is one of his most quoted stanzas:

Hope springs eternal from the human breast: Man never is, but always to be blest. The soul, uneasy and confindfrom home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

Slow and steady wins the race ♦

Aesop; 6th century B.C.E.

^jTjets like cats, dogs, and the larger parrots experience hope in its sense JL of expectations. A dog at home all day glimpses from the window its owner coming up the walk and gets excited about the promise of food and affection. If the owner turns back and disappears without entering the house, the dog is clearly disappointed. But, after a time, the dog will again begin to wait, watch, and hope.

In the wild, a mother elephant will spend days trying to rouse her dead baby, refusing to move on with the herd until she finally despairs over the motionless corpse and abandons it. It's probably safe to say that she experiences something like human hope. Two decades ago it was unfashionable and unscientific to talk about emotions in animals, anthropomorphism was taboo. Today it is all the vogue—as every pet owner thought it should always have been.

Aesop's most famous fable, "The Hare and the Tortoise," delivered the maxim and showed that the Tortoise, despite dismal odds, never gave up hope:

A hare was continually poking fun at a tortoise because of the slowness of his pace. The tortoise tried not to be annoyed by the jeers of the bare, but one day in the presence of the other animals he was goaded into

Words to Live By

Aesop's "The Hare and the Tortoise" —Slow and steady wins the race.

challenging the hare to afoot race.

"Why, this is a joke, "said the hare. "You know that I can run circles around you."

"Enough of your boasting," said the tortoise. "Let's get on with the race."

So the course was set by the animals, and the fox was chosen as judge. He gave a sharp bark and the race was on. Almost before you could say "scat" the hare was out of sight. The tortoise plodded along at his usual unhurried pace.

After a time the hare stopped to wait for the tortoise to come along. He waited for a long, long time until he began to get sleepy. "I'll just take a quick nap here in this soft grass, and then in the cool of the day I'll finish the race. " So he lay down and closed his eyes.

Meanwhile, the tortoise plodded on. He passed the sleeping hare,

Every cloud has a silver lining

and was approaching the finish line when the hare awoke with a start. It was too late to save the race. Much ashamed, he crept away while all the animals at the finish line acclaimed the winner. moral: Slow and steady wins the race.

Never say die ♦

Never say never ♦

Charles Dickens; The Pickwick Papers, 1836-1837

These expressions of hope have different contexts. "Never say die" is usually associated with a life-and-death situation, say a war, in which the maxim suggests "keep fighting, never surrender." On the other hand, "never say never" is most often used as an everyday expression of determination in some difficult commonplace experience. You sigh, "This is never going to work," and a friend says, "Never say never," and helps you out. Severity of situation is the grounds for their difference.

Charles Dickens loved the theater, and at the age of twenty he almost became a professional actor. But he began contributing stories and essays to magazines and newspapers, and met with immediate success. After only three years, many of his pieces were reprinted as Sketches (February 1836) by "Boz." The same month, he was invited to provide a comic serial narrative to accompany engravings by a well-known artist. Seven weeks later the first installment of Pickwick Papers appeared, and within a few months it was the rage and Dickens the most popular author of the day. By July 1837 sales of the monthly installments exceeded 40,000 copies. Often referred to as "one of the funniest novels in English literature," the book launched Dickens' extraordinary career.

A thought on hope:

Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul — And sings the tune without the words And never stops — at all.

Words to Live By

Emily Dickinson

God works in mysterious ways ♦

William Cowper, English poet; 1779

AT powerful theology of hope runs through Judeo-Christian \^y JL scriptures. In the Old Testament, the Israelites hoped to reach the promised land, hoping for a new existence. "True to the heart of Jewish religious belief," writes Milton Steinberg in Anatomy of Faith, "above and beyond faith and reason, hope reigns supreme." The Jewish faith today is still propelled by hope; hope for peace, hope for acceptance, hope for understanding.

The theology of hope is even more strongly developed in the Christian New Testament, with its emphasis on the joyous expectancy of Christ's Second Coming and the Day of Final Judgment. New Testament writers use many evocative expressions to sum up what is hoped for: the "lowly body" will be miraculously transformed into the "glorious body," and every believer will shed his or her "earthly tent" to reside in a "new heaven" on a "new earth."

St. Paul, a tent-maker turned evangelist, summed it up in one of his many letters:

We are saved by hope. ROMANS 8:24.

Saint Peter, in his First Letter to the Romans (c.64 C.E.), also addressed the issue of eternal salvation. He told Christ's followers that they had an inheritance reserved for them in heaven if only they would:

Hope to the end. I PETER 1:13.

"God works in mysterious ways" suggests that despite their having hope and faith, and being in God's good graces, horrible things happen to good people. God's master plan is unfathomable to humans, and in the face of adversity a good person should not despair and question God's means to his ultimate end. The maxim holds together the virtues of hope

Every cloud has a silver lining

William Cowper

questioned why bad

things happen to good

people, and wrote a

hymn, "God Moves in a

Mysterious Way. "

and faith in the face of hardships.

It has been traced back to William Cowper, one of the most widely read English poets of the 18th century. Cowper wrote of the joys and sorrows of everyday life and was content to describe hedgerows, ditches, rivers, haystacks, and hares. In his sympathy with such phenomena, his concern for the poor and downtrodden, and his simplicity of language, he is regarded as a forerunner of William Wordsworth and Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

The maxim was highly personal for Cowper, who experienced a series of deaths and disasters. He suffered from a form of mental illness, vaguely termed "mental instability," attempted suicide, and was confined to an asylum for eighteen months. Troubled by religious doubts and fears, and by a persistent nightmare about his predestined damnation, he struggled to understand God's plan for him—and for others. When a friend was killed in a riding accident, and he himself experienced another "attack of madness," he resolved upon recovery never to question the way God works. His mental and physical health continued to deteriorate and he

Words to Live By

sank into a depression from which he never emerged. His hymns "God Moves in a Mysterious Way" and "Oh! For a Closer Walk with God" have become part of the folk heritage of Protestant England.

The maxim first appeared his optimistic poem "Light Shining out of Darkness" (1779):

God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform; He plants his footsteps in the sea And rises upon the storm.

There's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow ♦

Celtic proverb

^/"ccording to an ancient Celtic legend, anyone who followed a V^/I rainbow to the point where it touched the earth would be rewarded with a pot of gold. Perhaps it was taken literally by some people, but the story was also a metaphor for hope, in that rainbows often appear just when stormy skies brighten. Beauty emerges from darkness, and if you can hold out during a period of darkness, you'll be rewarded by rays of light. Unlike many other maxims, this one came with its own brilliant imagery, which probably accounted for its early popularity and later inclusion in children's books. Two thoughts on hope:

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. Martin Luther King, Jr., civil rights leader.

When kindled by hope . . . one longs for sons and cattle, for this world and the yonder. Reverence hope. HINDUISM, UPANISHADS.

Preacher Robert H. Schuller related this story. A parishioner once asked him, "Reverend Schuller, I hope you live to see all your dreams fulfilled." Schuller replied, "I hope not, because if I live and all my dreams are fulfilled, I'm dead. It's unfulfilled dreams that keep you alive."

Every cloud has a silver lining Martin Luther said this about hope:

Everything that is done in the world is done by hope. No husband would sow one grain of corn if he hoped not it would grow up and become seed; no bachelor would marry a wife if he hoped not to have children; no merchant or tradesman would set himself to work if he did not hope to reap benefit thereby TABLE TALK, 1569.

Because miracles happen, hope must be unbounded ♦

Christian Maxim

/n religion, no upper limit is placed on hope. No amount of hope is thought to be unrealistically high. A religious person believes in many unproveable things; the existence of a supreme being, angels, an eternal soul, divine creation, everlasting salvation in an a heavenly hereafter, and a

Jesus walks on water to save Peter.

Words to Live By

host of miracles from the parting of the Red Sea to modern-day Fatima cancer cures.

"Hope is independent of the apparatus of logic," wrote Norman Cousins concerning his own "miraculous" cure from a serious disease.

Thomas Aquinas, the great medieval theologian, linked hope with grace, the supernatural gift from God that works miracles. Because God has promised human beings his Divine Grace, which is itself unlimited, then, said Thomas Aquinas, human beings are free to hope in unlimited measure. Go ahead and hope against all odds, because miracles happen.

Many preachers build sermons around the maxim "endure to the end," Jesus Christ's words in Matthew, in a story about retaining hope in the face of great and repeated adversity:

/ am sending you out as sheep among wolves. Be as wary as serpents and harmless as doves. But beware! For you will be arrested and tried, and whipped in the synagogues. Yes, and you must stand trial before governors and kings for my sake . . .

Brother shall betray brother to death, and fathers shall betray their own children. And children shall rise against their parents and cause their deaths. Everyone shall hate you because you belong to me. But all of you who endure to the end shall be saved. MATTHEW 10: 16-22.

Hope — Endurance

Pastor Robert H. Schuller delivered a sermon on hoping in the face of adversity:

We are not on the walk of faith long before we encounter frustrations, obstacles, and obstructions. Then what? Then it's time to hang on to one powerful, positive word-endure!

To endure means: "Inch by inch, anything is a cinch. " To endure means: "There is no gain without pain. " To endure means: "When faced with a mountain, I will not quit. I will keep on striving until I climb over, find a pass through, tunnel underneath . . . or simply stay and turn the mountain into a gold mine,

Every cloud has a silver lining

with God's help!"

To endure means: "I have to look at what I have, not at what I've lost."

So you are unemployed? To endure means you're going to keep on living a meaningful life anyway.

So you have people problems and are frustrated with regulations and roadblocks and negative forces? You are so tired of fighting you'd like to throw in the towel and quit?

What does it mean to endure? It means to remember that when you face problems, you keep this point in the forefront of your mind: people, problems, and pressures are constantly changing, so don't split. You'll run into the same basic frustrations no matter where you go.

So you are grieving over the loss of your wife? Your husband? To endure means you keep on being positive about life-anyway!

Never forget this wise warning: Never make a negative decision in a down time.

This is only a phase that you are going through. It will pass. When it is over, you'll be glad you hung in there! /JvToUGH-MlNDED FAITH

for Tender-Hearted People, 1983.

Hope = Faith

Hope is the desire that everything one believes in is possible. Hope is belief. Hope is faith. And faith is hope that everything religion teaches is true. Faith and hope are inseparable virtues. This is why people of little faith often belittle hope.

Here's what two American presidents said:

Faith is the great motive power, and no man realizes his full possibilities unless he has the deep conviction that life is eternally important, and that his work, well done, is part of an unending plan. CALVIN COOLIDGE, SPEECH IN Washington, D.C., July 1924.

Religion has always been the most effective process of developing human character strong enough to forget the motivation of selfishness and to act on the

Words to Live By

larger concept of duty to God, to humanity, and to Country. DwiGHT D.

Eisenhower, Speech to Chaplains' Association, Washington, D.C, October 23, 1946.

Faith motivates, hope inspires dreams. And faith and hope together, in the form of religious belief, build character:

Hinduism: The man unknowing and without faith, His soul full of doubt, perishes. BHAGAVAD GlTA, 4:40.

Christianity: Thy faith has made thee whole. Luke 17:19.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. HEBREWS 11:1.

A future president argued that the idea of democracy itself is rooted in faith:

The political freedoms we know, the American concept of democracy, certainly include a faith, related to some religion, that man is more than an animal, that he possesses a soul. . . If we have not that faith, then why should any of us admit that any other is born with equal rights to himself? Each of us instinctively recognizes. . . that an individual, because he was born, possesses certain rights. And to prove that we must go back and depend upon faith, and faith alone. DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, SPEECH AT POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y.,

June 1948.

Our word "faith" is from the Latin fides, "belief," which is related to the Latin verb fidere, "to trust." A person of faith believes and trusts. Three thoughts on faith:

You can do very little with faith, but you can do nothing without it. SAMUEL Butler, British poet, Notebooks, 1912.

As he that fears God fears nothing else, so, he that sees God sees everything else. John Donne, British poet.

Every cloud has a silver lining

John Donne posed for his tomb's effigy.

Faith is a climbing instinct, which draws us upward and onward. WILLIAM Ralph Inge, English prelate, Wit and Wisdom of Dean Inge (1927).

American Presidents on Faith and Hope

No people can be bound to acknowledge and adore the Invisible Hand which conducts the affairs of men more than those of the United States. Every step by which they have advanced to the character of an independent nation seems to have been distinguished by some token of providential agency. GEORGE Washington, First Inaugural Address, April 30, 1789.

The Bible is the best book in the world. It contains more of my little philosophy than all the libraries I have seen; and such parts of it as I cannot reconcile to my little philosophy, I postpone for future investigation. JOHN ADAMS, To Thomas Jefferson, December 1813.

The beliefs for which men have been willing to suffer martyrdom come from religion. CALVIN COOLIDGE, ADDRESS AT SPRINGFIELD, MASS., OCTOBER 1921.

Words to Live By

If American democracy is to remain the greatest hope of humanity, it must continue abundantly in the faith of the Bible. CALVIN COOLIDGE, SPEECH in Washington, D.C., May 1925.

Men grow in stature only as they daily rededicate themselves to a noble faith. Dwight D. Eisenhower, Speech at Valley Forge, Pa., July 1950.

Faith is evidently too simple a thing for some to recognize its paramount worth. Dwight D. Eisenhower, Address at Atlantic City, N.J., October 1953.

Faith is our surest strength, our greatest resource. DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, Radio speech, February 1954.

I am proud of the revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought. . . the belief that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state but the hands of God. JOHN F. KENNEDY, INAUGURAL ADDRESS, JANUARY 20,

1961.

No one who enters upon the office [the Presidency] can fail to recognize how every President of the United States has placed special reliance upon his faith in God. Every President has taken comfort and courage when told. . . that the Lord "will be with thee. He will not fail thee or forsake thee. Fear not — neither be thou dismayed. " JOHN F. KENNEDY, To CHRISTIAN LEADERSHIP, Inc., February 1961.

We need to remember that the separation of church and state must never mean the separation of religious values from the lives of public servants . . . If we who serve free men today are to differ from the tyrants of this age, we must balance the powers in our hands with God in our hearts. LYNDON B. JOHNSON, At Presidential Prayer Breakfast, February 1, 1961.

Mind your Ps and Qs

HONOR

& Reputation

v

definition: Recognition that someone is worthy of esteem and respect.

word origin: From the Latin honos, meaning "dignity, esteem."

significance: Honor, giving credit where credit is due, is not only fair and just behavior, it establishes a sense of one's own self worth and the importance of ones reputation among family, friends, and in society.

related virtues: Dignity, self respect, and good name.

opposite traits: Pettiness, pride, elitism, and misplaced self-importance.

s6$

To give credit where credit is due ♦

Roman Maxim, Antiquity

The definition of "honor," the recognition that a person is worthy of esteem and respect, is expressed in the popular maxim "to give credit where credit is due." The sentiment, if not the exact words, appears in the New Testament, in Paul's treatise to the Romans (c. 58 C.E.), one of the most significant, carefully constructed, and theological books of the Christian Bible. Paul believed that God made humans to be glorious and virtuous creatures, but that all too often people abused and degraded one another, sinking the whole species to a base, animal level. People, said the evangelist, should recognize others' good points, praise them for their virtue, and honor those worthy of tribute:

Render to all their due: tribute to whom tribute is due, custom to whom custom is due, fear to whom fear is due, honor to whom honor is due. Owe no man any thing but to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. ROMANS 13: 7-8.

A Roman maxim stated "Palmam que meruitferat" —"Let him who deserves it carry the palm."

The first recording of this "honor" wisdom in America appeared in a letter of Samuel Adams, a leader of the Massachusetts "radicals," signer of the Declaration of Independence, and second cousin of America's second president, John Adams. In the letter, dated October 29, 1777, and published in the Collections of the Massachusetts Historical Society (1917), the future governor of the state of Massachusetts and a onetime tax collector, wrote: "May Honor be given to whom Honor may be due."

The noble word "honor" became the more colloquial "credit" at some point in the 19 th century. One early appearance was in the Diary (1834) of Michael Floy, Jr. where the saying was rendered as "[He]must be a man of taste . . . and disposed to give all credit where any credit is due." It seems that from about the mid-1800s onward the biblical injunction to "give honor where honor is due" sounded old-fashioned or perhaps elitist to some folk, who felt more at ease with the democratic-sounding "give

Mind your Ps and Qs

credit where credit is due."

For years people followed the maxim every time they called a worthy man "Sir," a lady "Madame," or a judge "Your Honor." Polite address is still a form of bestowing honor and respect, of giving a person his or her just deserts. Two thoughts on honor:

Honor is measured by the one who gives it, not by the one who receives it. Jewish proverb.

Who steals my purse steals trash . . . But he that filches from me my good name Robs me of that which not enriches him, And makes me poor indeed.

Shakespeare, Othello.

To get one's just deserts ♦

England, 13 th century

The word "desert" originated in the 13 th century from the Middle English deserte, meaning "deserving reward" or "deserving punishment." Thus to get one's just deserts (usually rendered in the plural) is simply to get a fair reward or just punishment.

The maxim occasionally appears in print as "to get one just desserts," the word "dessert" from the Middle French desservir, meaning "to clear the table" for the sweet course. Though sweets have nothing to due with honor, they do make a fine reward.

Hard-won titles like general, lieutenant, and captain are some of the oldest forms of "just deserts." An honorary doctor of letters is also a merited degree of honor, a measure of an institution's respect for an individual. On the other hand, king and queen are hereditary titles of honor, irrespective of the titleholder's good or bad behavior. There are many ways of getting "just deserts."

A thought on respect:

Words to Live By

The Porcupine,

Whom one must Handle, gloved,

May be respected,

But is never loved.

Arthur Guiterman, A Poet's Proverbs, 1924.

A good name is better than great riches ♦

Pindar, Greek poet; Pythian Odes, 474 B.C.E.

A good name is better than precious ointment ♦

Old Testament, Ecclesiastes 7:1

{ "T™ rom the dawn of recorded history, people have admired a man or JL woman with a "good name" or "honorable reputation." Such people became—and still become—role models whom others like to associate with. Perhaps some of their virtue, courage, honesty or the like will rub off.

The "reputation" maxim "a good name is better than great riches"—often overlooked these days—dates back to Pindar, the greatest lyric poet of ancient Greece and master of the choral ode. It's found in his Pythian Odes {47A B.C.E.): "A good name, the best of all treasures."

The "reputation" maxim is also found in the equally ancient Old Testament book of Proverbs (22:1): "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches." Religions have always taught that riches were a surefire road to sin, since wealthy folk can afford to indulge their every temptation. A wealthy man, says the Bible in a strangely mixed metaphor, would have a harder time passing through the eye of a needle than would a camel.

That a good reputation was considered a model of behavior can be appreciated from the fact that the saying reappears in the Bible, in Ecclesiastes (7:1), with slightly different wording: "A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth."

The first English version is credited to Geoffrey Chaucer in his Tale of Melibeus (c. 1378): "Better it is and more it availleth a man to have a good

Mind your Ps and Qs

name, than for to have grete richesses."

Everyone likes to be associated with someone with a good name. When a job hunter submits a resume, he or she lists as references only people with "good names." A modern motivational speaker, attempting to emphasize how much people like to associate with those they admire, told this story to her audience:

A elderly General was reviewing an elite squadron of young paratroopers. "How do you like jumping, " the General said in his gruff, stern voice.

"Love it, sir, "said the first young man in line.

"And you?" barked the General to the next jumper.

"Greatest thing I've ever done, sir. "

"Andyou?" croaked the General, now smiling.

"Thrill of my life, sir. "

"Andyou?" continued the General on down the line, his satisfaction growing with each man's response. Near the end of the line he repeated his question, "And you, young man? How do you like jumping?"

The young paratrooper looked the General in the eye and replied firmly, "I hate it, sir. Hate it. "

Startled, the General demanded, "Then why the hell did you join the paratroopers, man?"

"Sir, I like to be around men who want to jump. "

A tree is known by its fruits ♦

New Testament, Matthew 12:33

rhis maxim, and the next two, touch on human behavior and character, specifically the fact that certain personality traits are established early on and remain relatively fixed throughout life. Behavior and character determine one's reputation and the honor or respect society accords an individual.

"A tree is known by its fruits" suggests that parents should be judged by the character of their children or, as an English proverb goes, "a bad apple doesn't fall far from the tree." If a parent is bigoted or racist, there's a good

Words to Live By

chance that the children will pick up the same character flaws. The wisdom dates back to the New Testament:

Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by its fruits. Matthew 12: 33.

Geoffrey Chaucer used the maxim in The Parsons Tale (c. 1378), as did William Shakespeare, in King Henry the Fourth, Part I, turning the saying into a two-way street:

If that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, than, peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that Falstaff. Act II, Scene IV.

The child is father of the man ♦

William Wordsworth; "The Rainbow," 1807

This suggestion that a person's character is largely determined by childhood appears in the Babylonian Talmud (c. 350 B.C.E.), a collection of Judaic commentaries: "When a pumpkin begins to sprout, we can tell whether it will rot or grow sound "

English poet John Milton expressed the wisdom in Paradise Regained (1671): "The childhood shews the man As morning shews the day."

The exact modern wording was penned by English poet William Wordsworth in The Rainbow (1807):

My heart leaps up when I behold

A rainbow in the sky:

So was it when my life began;

So be it now I am a man;

So be it when I shall grow old,

Or let me die! The Child is father of the Man.

Mind your Ps and Qs

An early attempt to understand Shakespeare's genius from measurements of his skull.

A leopard cannot change its spots •

Old Testament, Jeremiah 13:23

Certain behaviors, due to nature or nurture, are fixed early in childhood and, like a leopard's spots, remain unchanged throughout life. The maxim is found in the Old Testament, given by the prophet Jeremiah, who lived in the early 6 th century B.C.E., during the darkest days of Judah's history:

Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? JEREMIAH 13: 23.

Self-praise stinks ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

T /onor must always be given by someone to someone else. People in-1. A stinctively know that they should not attempt to bestow honors upon themselves. The maxim "self-praise stinks" has its roots in the biblical injunction "Do not honor yourself in the presence of the king"

Words to Live By

(Proverbs 25:6). Essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson put his own sharp spin on the saying:

The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons. THE Conduct of Life, 1860.

Since honor must always be given, it is an inescapably social virtue; a gift bestowed. But before honor can be given, people in a society must agree upon what actions in their culture merit reward. Thus honor depends on the norms that a society cherishes—on that society's values. In the ancient Greece of Homer, around the 8 th century B.C.E., when the poet composed the Iliad and the Odyssey, honor was bestowed mainly for military exploits, since the military culture was dominant. The virtue most highly cherished then was courage.

In Aristotle's day, the Greeks bestowed honor on every Athenian gentleman of learning, since the virtues cherished at that time were wisdom and knowledge.

Aristotle taught that honor had intrinsic moral worth and was worth going after. He suggested that every good-hearted person should seek honor by performing honorable deeds. For Aristotle, a person with a charitable nature, or monetary means, who failed to acquire honor revealed a weakness of character.

Today we tend to "honor" people who've achieved fame or wealth— not necessarily people of high moral character, but characters: quirky, independent individuals. Perhaps this is, in part, because as a society we place a high value on individuality. But when a culture honors people for all the wrong reasons—shallow celebrity, greedy acquisition of wealth, might over right—then honor becomes a joke, a caricature of praise, a burlesque of respect, and the virtue is devalued.

Aesop's fable "The Boasting Traveler" has as its moral "self-praise stinks":

A young man who had been traveling in foreign parts of the world returned to his hometown. He bragged and boasted to all who would listen of the great feats he had accomplished in the places he had visited.

$72

Mind your Ps and Qs

"Why, when I was in Rhodes," he shouted, thumping his chest, "I made the most extraordinary leap the people of that place had ever seen. I have witnesses to prove it, too. "

In time his listeners became weary of the travelers self-praise, and one of them said, "These exploits of your n Rhodes may all be true, but you can save yourself much breath by doing one of those marvelous leaps right now instead of merely talking about it. "

The boaster shut up. He had done marvelous leaps, but he realized that in boasting so much about them he had made everyone disbelieve him.

moral: Self praise stinks.

Eight Sages on Honor

The hero was distinguished by his achievement; the celebrity by his image or trademark. The hero created himself; the celebrity is created by the media. The hero was a big man; the celebrity is a big name. DANIEL J. BOORSTIN, THE Image, 1961.

He has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so. WALTER LlPPMANN, EDITOR, journalist, A Preface to Morals, 1929.

No labor, however humble, dishonors a man. TALMUD: NEDARIM, 44b.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. MARK TWAIN, WRITER, HUMORIST.

The truth is, hardly any of us have ethical energy enough for more than one really inflexible point of honor. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, The DOCTOR'S Dilemma, 1906.

An honor prudently declined often comes back with increased luster. LlVY,

Roman historian, History of Rome, c. 10 c.e.

Words to Live By

A man who permits his honor to be taken, permits his life to be taken. PlETRO Aretino, Italian satirist, 1537.

011 have lost my reputation. I have lost the immortal part of myself and what remains is bestial. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, OTHELLO. ACT II, SCENE III.

Birds of a feather flock together ♦

William Turner, botanist; The Rescuing of the Romish Fox, 1545

^*~T~\eople of similar beliefs or interests are often attracted to one an-Jl other. That animal analogy has been traced back to English naturalist and theologian William Turner, the "father of English botany." Best known today for his extensive three-part A New Herball (1551-1568), the first English book on the medical use of plants to include originally researched material, Turner wrote the maxim "birds of a feather" in The Rescuing of the Romish Fox (1545): "Byrdes of on kynde and color flok and flye allways together."

Birds of a feather flock together— coined by William Turner, the "father of English botany. "

Mind your Ps and Qs

Some lexicographers take the maxim's origin to be a phrase in Ecclesi-asticus (part of the Catholic Bible but omitted in the Protestant version): "Birds nest with their own kind, and fidelity comes to those who live by it

(27: 9)."

A man is known by the company he keeps ♦

Manual, The Christian State of Matrimony, 1541

This maxim suggests that people should choose their friends wisely since friends reflect on one own reputation. It appeared in The Christian State of Matrimony (1541), sometimes translated as "Preparations for Marriage," by Heinrich Bullinger, a major figure in the Swiss Reformation. If a couple wished to live a virtuous life together, the manual advised them to associate only with virtuous people. Goodness rubs ofT— as does wickedness. This latter maxim, being more explicit and direct in its wording, became the more popular of the two with writers and has appeared in many variations:

• So a man is, is his company. ENGLISH PURITAN LEADER ARTHUR

Dent, in The Plaine Man's Path-way to Heaven, 1601.

• Tell me what company you keep, and I'll tell you what you are. Miguel de Cervantes, in Don Quixote, 1605.

• Men are known by their companions. ENGLISH NOVELIST SAMUEL

Richardson, in Clarissa, 1748.

• A man can be known by the company he keeps. AMERICAN NOVELIST James Fenimore Cooper, in The Prairie, 1827.

America's first president, when he was still a schoolboy, composed his own version in a copybook of "rule" of behavior he intended to follow throughout his life:

Associate with men of good quality, if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company GEORGE WASHINGTON.

Words to Live By

You are judged by the company you keep ♦

Aesop; 6 th century B.C.E.

{~7 f) fhile Aesop did not use the words "birds of a feather flock to-%JCy gether" in his fable "The Farmer and the Stork," he presented one of the earliest tales in which a bird is judged by the company it keeps:

A farmer, who was tired of having his newly planted corn stolen by the cranes, set a net in his field. When he went to examine his snare he found that he had caught several of them, and included in their number was a stork.

"Please, sir," begged the stork, "don't kill me. I am not one of these greedy cranes who eat all your corn. I am a stork, a good and pious bird. I take care of my aged parents. I —"

But the farmer cut him short. "All that you say about yourself may be true. All I know, however, is that I have caught you with those who were destroying my crops, and I'm afraid that you will have to suffer the same fate as those in whose company you were captured. "

moral: You are judged by the company you keep.

First impressions are the most lasting ♦

William Congreve, English dramatist; The Way of the World, 1700

(~7 f) I hat we best remember about someone is conveyed in the initial %JCs meeting. There is something about character—or the lack of it— that makes an immediate and lasting impression. If your reputation has not preceded you, it might well be inferred by your initial words of conversation.

The maxim has been traced back to English dramatist William Congreve, who shaped the comedy of manners through his brilliant comic dialogue, his satirical portrayal of fashionable society, and his ironic scrutiny of the affectations of his age. His most successful work was his last play, The Way of the World (1700), which has a character say with some anxiety, "How shall I receive him? . . . There is a great deal in the first Impres-

Mind your Ps and Qs

sion."

The saying became popular with dramatists and novelists. Charles Dickens wrote in Martin Chuzzlewit (1843): "I didn't like to run the chance of being found drinking ... for first impressions, you know, often go a long way, and last a long time."

The eyes are the mirror of the soul ♦

Cicero, Roman statesman; 1 st century B.C.E.

sf~ first meeting is also important, since many people believe that K^/jL by looking deeply into a person's eyes as he or she talks, you can discern his or her real intentions and true character. The maxim has been traced back to the Roman orator and statesman Cicero, who wrote: "ut imago est animi voltus sic indices oculi" —"the face is a picture of the mind as the eyes are its interpreter." Three truths about a good reputation:

A good name keeps its luster in the dark. ENGLISH PROVERB.

Reputation is often got without merit and Lost without fault. IRISH PROVERB.

If your name is to live at all, it is so much more to have it live in peoples hearts than only in their brains. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, Sr., PHYSICIAN, writer, The Poet at the Breakfast Table, 1872.

A man naturally expects honor for anything in which he excels ♦

Aristotle; Rhetoric, c. 322 B.C.E.

r/uman beings have a strong natural desire to bestow honor—or JL JL honors—on other human beings. People need heroes. Heroes, in turn, become role models for the next generation. Because of this progression, bestowing honor on worthy members of society is, as Aristotle argued, a moral obligation. "A man naturally expects honor for anything in which he excels," he wrote, further suggesting that society, for its own

Words to Live By

good, should recognize people of virtuous character with public displays of honor.

"Honor may be like food and water," writes a contemporary ethicist. "The latter are not moral values, but it is morally important that people have them. Responsible persons may therefore have the moral obligation to honor others because doing so is important for personal well-being."

Adults have a moral obligation to select for themselves heroes of true worth. Parents have an even greater obligation to their children to honor worthy men and women in society, thus making these individuals role models for their children. If, however, parents admire individuals of questionable morals or ethics, or any kind of person who does not truly merit respect, then their children, when they are adults, may idolize individuals of even less worth. Honor can become generationally devalued. Many modern pundits thinks that this has happened in America: we have gotten into the rut of honoring the wrong people, for the wrong reasons. Our heroes are sports figures, rock stars, and movie stars. People who have made real contributions to society—the vaccine for polio, the development of the transistor, the creation of the United Nations—are virtually unknown to most young people today.

Two thoughts on honor:

A hero cannot be a hero unless in a heroic world. NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE, Journals, 1850.

Reverence is a good thing, and part of its value is that the more we revere a man, the more sharply are we struck by anything in him (and there is always much) that is incongruous with his greatness. MAX BEERBOHM, And EVEN Now, 1920.

American Presidents on Honor

Throughout history, the two most honored groups of individuals have been military heroes and the war dead. Such men, in ages when women did not go into battle, were selected as role models for other men, especially for young men who might soon be called into battle themselves.

Mind your Ps and Qs

West Point

United States Military Academy

%s ^ jj! **i &

"Z>wfy, Honor, Country" — West Point Military Academy.

The honor that society bestowed on military heroes and the war dead was intended to spotlight the essential virtues of courage, obedience, and duty, qualities that new young soldiers would have to have in abundance.

Inscription on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

Here Rests in

Honored Glory

An American

Soldier

Known But to God.

Abraham Lincoln honored the Civil War dead in his speech at Gettysburg. He used such brave souls, and the cause they had fought for, as a character-building model for the living. At the time of the dedication of the National Cemetery at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, on November 19, 1863, the war between the North and the South was not yet over, thousands of additional young men would be called to serve, and many would inevitably die. Lincoln's unforgettable Gettysburg Address:

Words to Live By

m <&=^^

Lincoln's New York City funeral, April 25, 1865, up Broadway.

Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting-place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall

Mind your Ps and Qs

not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.

Here is what American presidents have said about an individual's personal honor and about the honor of a nation:

Nobody can acquire honor by doing what is wrong. THOMAS JEFFERSON, TO Manchot, War Chief of the Potawatomies, 1808.

/ have seen enough of political honors to know that they are but splendid torments. Thomas Jefferson.

National honor is national property of the highest value. JAMES MONROE, First Inaugural Address, March 1817.

An honorable defeat is better than a dishonorable victory. MlLLARD FILLMORE, Speech at Buffalo, N.Y., September 1844.

Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition . . . I have no other so great as that of being truly esteemed by my fellow-men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem. ABRAHAM LINCOLN, 1832.

Millard Fillmore's Inauguration Day Parade, Washington, D.C., J 850

i hi iTuli

IIIUillHIl

Words to Live B

"Honor lies in honest toil" — Grover Cleveland campaigning in Brooklyn, 1884.

It is patriotic sometimes to prefer the honor of the country to its material interests. Woodrow Wilson, Address in Philadelphia, July 1914.

No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave. CALVIN COOLIDGE, VETO OF SALARY INCREASE BILL.

Honor lies in honest toil GROVER CLEVELAND.

Honor your father and your mother ♦

Old Testament, Exodus 20:12

The most famous statement on honor in the Western world is surely the commandment given to Moses:

Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long upon

Mind your Ps and Qj

"Honor your father

and your

mother" — the most

famous honor

maxim in the

Western world.

the land that the Lord your God has given to you. EXODUS 20:12.

Most religions have equivalent honor commandments. Islam's Decalogue, or Ten Laws, also called the Traditions of Mohammad, has a proscription that is far more explicit and encompassing than the terse Judeo-Christian commandment:

Be good to your parents. If one or both of them grow old in your presence, do not say fie to them, nor reprove them, but say gentle words to them. And look after them with kindness and love, and say, "O Lord,

Words to Live By

have mercy on them as they nourished me when I was small. " KORAN, 17: 22-24.

In terms of bestowing honor and respect, the Koran also advises: "Give to your relatives what is their due" (17:26).

Confucius (551—c. 479 B.C.E.), in his Analects or selected sayings, also singled out parents for honor. The analect closest to the judeo-Christian "Honor your father and your mother" is the hsiao, or precept of filial piety. Hsiao does not mean merely providing for one's elderly parents, for "even dogs and horses do that," said Confucius; filial piety is inseparable from a deep and genuine lifelong respect of children for their parents:

Never disobey! When parents are alive serve them according to ritual. When they die, bury them according to ritual, and sacrifice to them according to ritual.

Behave such that your mother and father have no anxiety about you, except concerning your health.

See that your elder parents get enough to eat — but even dogs and horses are cared for to that extent. If there is no feeling of respect, wherein lies the difference between animal and man?

Filial piety does not consist merely in young people undertaking hard work when anything has to be done, or serving their elders first with wine and food. It is something much more than that . . . it is lifelong respect. ANALECTS, BOOK II, 5-8.

Fame is something that must be won; honor is something which must not be lost ♦

Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860), German philosopher

/Schopenhauer made an important distinction between fame—or fj} celebrity as we might say today—and honor. Fame may come with material rewards, but it may be fleeting. Fame is fickle. It depends on the vogue of the day and on the mood of the populace. And if fame is lost, life goes on and, personally, may be even richer. As most celebrities like to point out, they are not the people their movie parts and press releases

Mind your Ps and Qs

make them out to be. There's more to them than that.

Honor, though equally fragile—one scandalous deed can destroy it—is more intrinsically linked with reputation, character, and self-respect. To lose honor is to lose self-esteem. Life may well go on, but it can hardly be richer.

Honor, as we have seen, has meant different things to different people. For the Greek poet Homer, honor (and fame) was linked to military exploits. Soldiers were honorable (and famous) men. For Aristotle, honor (and fame) became the quest of every Athenian gentleman. Scholars were honorable (and famous) men. In early Christianity, however, church fathers grew uncomfortable with the concept of earthly honor, deploring it as the vain and dangerous equivalent of pride. They replaced it with the virtue of humility. Honor was reserved for God, or for martyred saints, but not for mortals. Instead, the most honorable thing a human could do was strive to be humble. A mortal seeking worldly honor (or fame) was strongly condemned. A kindhearted person could perform great deeds of charity—be a Good Samaritan—but was expected to decline any worldly manifestation of honor as reward. On the point of fishing for honor or self-recognition, the Gospel of Matthew warned:

Take heed, do not give alms in order to be honored by men, otherwise you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. MATTHEW 6:1.

In Aristotle's day to be wholly without honor was the biographical negation of a person: a man without honor could not hold up his head in society. But in Christ's time and thereafter a person wholly without humility was a paramount disgrace. A biblical phrase tied together the seemingly disparate values of honor and humility:

A man's pride shall being him low, but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit. PROVERBS 29:23.

With the arrival of Thomas Aquinas in the 13 th century, the Christian attitude toward honor—or fame, or recognition—changed. Aquinas taught that virtuous men or women could seek to perform heroic or glo-

Words to Live By

rious deeds, and graciously accept all honors and rewards, as long as they understood that earthly fame, showered upon them in the form of princely titles or high praise, really belonged to God, not to themselves. How could a person seek recognition by society and still practice Christian humility? The trick, said Aquinas, was not to let honor or fame go to one's head. In other words, don't believe your own PR.

Few Christian saints spoke as bluntly about honor—and perhaps naively—as Saint Teresa of Avila:

For my own part, I believe that honor and money nearly always go together, and that he who desires honor never hates money, while he who hates money cares little for honor. WAYS OF PERFECTION, 1565.

Like all people who have never had money of their own, the cloistered Teresa saw money as a panacea for earthly woes. She sweetly believed that a person who strove hard to amass fame and fortune would charitably share with the less fortunate, as undoubtedly she would have done.

There is honor among thieves ♦

Cicero; 1 st century B.C.E.

There is no honor among thieves ♦

Andrew Lang, Scottish scholar; Essays in Little, 1891

T'he latter maxim is credited to Scottish scholar Andrew Lang, who, in Essays in Little (1891), recounted the career of the notorious buccaneer Henry Morgan, known to have robbed his fellow pirates. Lang wrote: "There is not even honour among thieves."

Prior to that time, the maxim had existed for centuries in a mirror-image version: "There is honor among thieves." The belief was that criminals subscribed to a code of honor among themselves, often expressed in the cliche "dog does not eat dog." Cicero was one of the first major writers to remark that thieves, who violated every law of the land, lived by their own insular code of honor. The Roman statesman noted in De Of-

Cicero: "They say that thieves even have a code of laws they observe and obey. "

ficiis (c. 45 B.C.E.): "They say that thieves even have a code of laws to observe and obey."

Syrus Publilius, a leading Roman writer of mimes—and himself a stage "mimic" or impersonator, the origin of "mime"—expressed the same belief in Sententiae (43 B.C.E.): "Even in crime loyalty is rightly displayed."

Shakespeare took up the theme in Henry IV, Part I: When Falstaff's companions, who were to have helped him stage a highway robbery, proved unreliable, he is tempted to abandon dishonesty, declaring, "A plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another!" Perhaps by Shakespeare's time thieves were beginning to betray one another with increasing frequency.

Words to Live By

English essayist William Hazlitt attempted to define the code of "self-serving" honor that existed between thieves:

Their honour consists in the division of the booty, not in the mode of acquiring; they do not (often) betray one another; they may be depended on in giving the alarm when any of their posts are in danger of being surprised; and they will sand together for their ill-gotten gains to the last drop of their blood. TABLE TALK, 1821.

Daniel Defoe, Walter Scott, and Charles Dickens drew attention to the code of honor among criminals. But with the advent of modern crime fiction, which is more realistic than romantic, gangsters and mafiosi were often shown to display little honor among themselves, consumed as they were with gang warfare, vendettas, and "family" feuds. Hence the modern maxim, "there is no honor among thieves."

Better death than dishonor ♦

Greece, 5 th century B.C.E.

^ir^he wisdom contained in this maxim has been applied to dishonor in L military battle. Better to be brave and face the enemy and die with honor, it advised young soldiers, than turn tail and run, to return home alive and without honor. Various versions:

• It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced. (7REEK DRAMATIST Sophocles, Peleus (c. 410 b.c.e.).

• When the stress of circumstances demands it, we must gird on the sword and prefer death to slavery and disgrace. ROMAN STATESMAN Cicero, De Officiis (45 b.c.e.).

• Count it the greatest of infamies to prefer life to honor, and to lose for the sake of living. ROMAN POET JUVENAL, SATIRES (C. 120 C.E.).

• Better it is with worshyp to dye than with shame to lyue. ONE OF THE EARLIEST ENGLISH VERSIONS, IN TALES AND QUICKE ANSWERES

Mind your Ps and Qs

(C. 1532, AUTHOR UNKNOWN).

• Better die with honor than live with shame. ITALIAN POET Lodovico Ariosto, Orlando Furjoso (1532).

• Life every man holds dear; but the dear man Holds honor far more precious-dear than life. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, TROILUS AND CRESSIDA (C. 1601).

• Better to die ten thousand deaths, Than wound my honor. ENGLISH ESSAYIST AND POET JOSEPH ADDISON, CATO (1713).

There is no greater honor than to die for one's country ♦

Horace, Roman poet; 1 st century B.C.E.

{"TTJoman poet Horace (65-8 B.C.E.), best known for his odes, coined -jf \ this patriotic phrase: "dulce et decorum est pro patria mori" —literally, "it is sweet and fitting to die for the fatherland."

Poet Wilfred Owen, who died fighting for England in World War I one week before the armistice, saw the horrors of war firsthand and penned a poem that, through the use of irony, takes Horace's maxim as its title:

Dulce Est Decorum Est. . .

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys! — An ecstasy of fumbling, Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time, But someone still was yelling out and stumbling And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .

If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace Behind the wagon that we flung him in, And watch the white eyes writhing in his face, His hanging face, like a devils sick of sin, If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs Bitten as the cud Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,-

Words to Live By

My friend, you would not tell with such high zest To children ardent for some desperate glory, The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est Pro patria mori.

H-o~n-o-r = "Dignity," or "Esteem"

Our English word "honor" derives from the Latin honos, meaning "dignity," or "esteem." Written with an uppercase H, it became in the British legal system the title of respect given to judges: Your Honor.

The grammatical form of speaking to or about a social superior is called "honorific." In many European languages it affects the pronoun itself: in German, the honorific Sie (You) is used rather than the familiar du (you); in Spanish, the honorific Usted rather than the familiar tu. The honorific form is most highly developed in certain Oriental languages, such as Japanese and Korean, cultures that place a high premium on honor.

In English, the pronoun is not affected, and traditionally the language has used auxiliary words like "Madam" (Latin mea domina, original French ma dame, "my lady") and "Sir" (Latin senior, "elderly man"; Middle English sire, "a master"). Mr., Mrs. and Ms. are also honorific titles.

We employ many words that have honor expressed explicitly or implicitly in their spelling or meaning:

• Homage is great esteem shown in praise, tributes, or obeisance. For instance: "To pay homage to the genius of Milton."

• Reverence implies deep respect combined with abundant love, as in: "He held his wife's memory in reverence."

• Deference suggests courteousness toward one's superior, or for anyone to whom respect or honor is due, by yielding to that person's wishes, as in: "In deference to her age."

• Merit is from the Latin meritus, past participle of merere, meaning "to be worthy of," "to earn." It is fundamental to the concept of honor, since all honors, ideally, should be merited. Merit is defined as "a badge of excellence," as in a Boy Scout's merit badge,

Mind your Ps and Qs

and it is a hard-won mark of honor.

• Honorarium is a payment to a professional person for services rendered on which no fee is set, or legally obtainable. The professional is at the mercy of the honor of the payer. Today honorariums are often paid in advance.

• Honor system, once fairly commonplace in schools, military academies, and prisons, is a program in which individuals are trusted to obey rules without direct supervision. In many cases the honor system no longer works today because society as a whole cannot decide what "honor" itself is. For instance: A young man cheats his way through college, earns a degree, and eventually becomes a philanthropic millionaire. Does the means (cheating) justify the end (philanthropy)? Many people who would say it does.

A final thought:

/ could not love thee, Dear, so much

Loved I not honor more. RiCHARD LOVELACE, "To LUCASTA, GOING

to the Wars," 1649.

Put your best foot forward ♦

Henry Medwall, English playwright; A Goodly Interlude of Nature, c. 1500

/f you are a decent, honorable person, with a good reputation, then "put your best foot forward" at all times, wherever you go. Always be at your best, the maxim suggests, make a good impression, let your virtuous nature and good name be evident to one and all.

The wisdom was first rendered by English playwright and versifier Henry Medwall, best remembered for "Fulgens and Lucrece" (c. 1490), the first known secular play in English. Chaplin to Cardinal John Morton, archbishop of Canterbury, Medwall composed many morality plays for the cardinal's private entertainment. In A Goodly Interlude of Nature (c. 1500), an example of early allegorical drama with realistic dialogue, he penned the wisdom: "Set out the better legge I warne thee."

Words to Live By

In Titus Andronicus (c. 1593), William Shakespeare rendered the line as "Come on, my lords, the better foot before." John Ray's A Collection of English Proverbs (1678) gave the saying as "To set the best foot forward." The maxim was a favorite of President Thomas Jefferson and appeared in his letters to friends.

Mind your Ps and Qs ♦

English proverb, 17 th century

This maxim suggests being on your best behavior. The precise origin of the phrase is unknown. Several theories have been advanced on how it arose in England in the 17 th century:

• It was a reminder posted in printing shops not to confuse the similar-looking letters p and q.

• It was a warning to customers to insist on scale accuracy when purchasing beverages and fluids by pints and quarts.

• It was a reminder to students learning penmanship to differentiate clearly between their ps and qs.

• It was a warning to sailors not to soil their pea jackets with their "queues" (pigtails).

• It was parental advice to children to eat their peas and "cukes" (cucumbers).

Two thoughts on the importance of a good reputation:

Life is for one generation, a good name is forever. JAPANESE PROVERB.

It is generally much more shameful to lose a good reputation than never to have acquired one. PLINY THE YOUNGER, ROMAN STATESMAN, LETTERS, C. 100 c.c.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval ♦

Mind your Ps and Qs

Mind your Ps and Qs— a reminder to students learning penmanship to distinguish clearly between the two similar letters.

Mark Twain; What is Man?, 1906

The above expressions, disparate as they may at first seem, are both concerned with self-respect, a form of personal honor. Mark Twain's maxim is the equivalent to today's self-help advice "like yourself," which is the first step to happiness. Black, white, Asian, straight, gay, handicapped—the first step to happiness is to learn to like who you are.

This chapter opened with the definition of honor as recognition of another person's worth, which that person merits through virtuous deeds. The definition of self-respect in moral philosophy is quite similar. Self-respect is the recognition of, and regard for, one's own worth as a human being. It is a recognition of one's rights conferred by human dignity. We don't honor ourselves with noisy self-praise but with a quiet voice in the head that says, "You are not insignificant, You are someone of worth. You

Words to Live By

possess a moral character and have a duty to enrich it."

Cleanliness is next to godliness ♦

Hebrew proverb, 2 nd century C.E.

This maxim of self-respect in English has been traced back to philosopher Francis Bacon's The Advancement ofLearning (1605): "Clean-nesse of bodie was euer esteemed to proceed from a due reuerence to God." God gave you a body as a gift; respect it by keeping it clean. However, there is more to this homily than meets the eye, so to speak.

In Hebrew, it was a proverb used in the late 2 nd century C.E. by Rabbi Phinehas ben-Yair. It's been suggested that disease prevention was the real motive behind the words. A person with a clean body was healthier than someone with poor hygiene. After one's concern for God came concern for one's health, which was synonymous with cleanliness..

Here are three truths about self-respect:

The greatest possession is self-possession. ETHEL WATTS MUMFORD, AMERICAN WRITER.

Self-respect will keep a man from becoming abject when he is in the power of enemies, and will enable him to feel that he may be in the right when the world is against him. BERTRAND RUSSELL, PHILOSOPHER, MATHEMATICIAN.

It is easy to live for others; everybody does. I call on you to live for yourselves. Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journals, 1845.

Respect yourself if you want others to respect you ♦

Balthasar Gracidn, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, 1647

y^ristotle, as we saw earlier, argued that we have a moral obliga-V_^/Jl tion to confer honor on persons who deserve it, since all of society is enriched by having positive role models. Other philosophers have argued that self-respect is an honor we must confer on ourselves, that it is the most important moral duty we have to ourselves, because self-respect

Mind your Ps and Qs

Cleanliness is next to Godliness— arose for practical health benefits.

is a necessary condition for fulfilling any of our duties to others. If you cannot respect yourself, then you will not respect others; nor will you be able to confer honor and recognition upon them. A child's moral character cannot begin to take shape until he or she learns self-respect. To say that a person lacks self-respect is the equivalent of saying that he or she suffers a serious character flaw.

Spanish philosopher and Jesuit priest Balthasar Gracian (full name, Baltasar Gracian y Morales) is known as the leading Spanish exponent of conceptism (conceptismo), 2, style of dealing with ideas that involves the use of terse and subtle displays of exaggerated wit. In The Art of Worldly Wisdom (1647), a self-help manual of its day, he wrote: "Respect yourself if you want others to respect you."

Philosopher Immanuel Kant argued that learning self-respect comes before all other duties one has to oneself. A person who shirks this duty,

Words to Live By

said Kant, forfeits his or her worth as a rational human being. This is because only human beings possess the gift of reason and can engage in moral debate with themselves. A animal cannot debate the Tightness or wrongness of an action, except in the sense of immediate self-preservation. Thus, reasoned Kant, moral law demands that each of us develop and nurture self-respect.

The demon of addiction—to alcohol, to drugs, to sex—is that it robs its victims of self-respect; it destroys the basic duty of self-appreciation that each person has to himself or herself. All seriously compulsive behaviors undermine the gift of reason.

In moral philosophy, self-respect is different from self-esteem. "Whereas self-respect is rooted in the moral quality of one's character," says ethicist Barbara Forrest, "self-esteem refers to a positive assessment of oneself that may come from traits such as appearance, personality, talents, and so forth. The difference is evident in the fact that a negative appraisal of oneself with respect to characteristics such as physical appearance or talent does not necessarily result in an unwillingness to recognize one's value and rights as a human being."

Three related truths:

Be a friend to thyself, and others will be so too. THOMAS FULLER, PHYSICIAN, Gnomologia, 1732.

It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself ABRAHAM Lincoln, 1862.

If you love yourself meanly, childishly, timidly, even so shall you love your neighbor. MAURICE MAETERLINCK, BELGIAN POET AND ESSAYIST, WISDOM

and Destiny, 1898.

Eight Sages on Respecting Others

Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts? Confucius, Analects, c. 500 b.c.e.

Mind your Ps and Qs

If you have some respect for people as they are, you can be more effective in helping them become better than they are. JOHN W. GARDNER, AMERICAN FOUNDATION EXECUTIVE, No EASY VICTORIES, 1968.

Man is still a savage to the extent that he has little respect for anything that cannot hurt him. EDGAR WATSON HOWE, JOURNALIST, NOVELIST, VENTURES in Common Sense, 1919.

Many men and women enjoy popular esteem, not because they are known, but because they are unknown. SEBASTIEN-RoCH-NlCOLAS CHAMFORT,

French writer, wit, d. 1794.

Many a mans reputation would not know his character if they met on the street. ELBERT HUBBARD, AMERICAN AUTHOR, D. 1915.

In his private heart no man much respects himself. MARK TWAIN, WRITER, HUMORIST.

There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age —/ missed it coming and going. J. B. PRIESTLY,

British novelist, playwright.

Men are respectable only as they respect. RALPH WALDO EMERSON, ESSAYIST.

The end justify the means ♦

Ovid, Roman poet; I st century B.C.E.

Wining isn't everything, it's the only thing ♦

Red Sanders, Vanderbilt University coach; 1953

/n achieving any goal honorably, it is important not to adopt the philosophy that "the end justifies the means." Successful outcomes (with war as perhaps the sole exception) can never be justified if the route to them involved dishonesty, disloyalty, mayhem, and murder. When an-

Words to Live By

cient sages spoke of the end justifying the means, they meant honorable means.

The idea was first expressed by Roman poet Ovid in Heroides (c. 10 B.C.E.): "Exitus actaprobat, " —"the outcome justifies the action." In different words the sentiment had been expressed by Greek playwright Sophocles in Electra (c. 409 B.C.E.), when he wrote the intentionally villainous line: "The end excuses any evil."

People apparently misunderstood the maxim. This troubled monk and church scholar Saint Jerome (345-420 C.E.), translator of the Bible from Greek to Latin. In writing about men who attempted to justify less than honorable behavior by a successful outcome, Jerome commented on the sinfulness of "the saying, often adopted by men in controversy, of justifying the means by the end." Then, as now, there apparently existed the attitude that "winning is everything"—itself a 20 th -century Americanism

In English, the first critique of the maxim came from Gervase Babing-ton, relative of Anthony Babington, a leader of the unsuccessful Babing-ton plot in 1586 to assassinate Queen Elizabeth I and install Elizabeth's prisoner, the Roman Catholic Mary Queen of Scots, on the English throne. In Exposition of Commandments (1583) Babington wrote: "The ende good, doeth not by the by make the meanes good."

In America, the first critique was leveled by Quaker leader William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania, in Some Fruits of Solitude (1693): "A good End cannot sanctifie evil Means; nor must we ever do Evil, that Good may come of it."

English novelist and essayist Aldous Huxley, in Ends and Means (1937), condemned the cliche; "The end cannot justify the means, for the simple and obvious reason that the means employed determine the nature of the ends produced." That has not diminished the sayings popularity in this century—in fact, it's never been more frequently quoted than in modern times. "The means justify the ends" has appeared in virtually every collection of American proverbs as one of overwhelming familiarity, and it is a staple of crime fiction.

"Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing," originated in 1953 and is attributed to Vanderbilt University coach Red Sanders. A decade later, Vince Lombardi, football coach of the Green Bay Packers, softened the

Mind your Ps and Qs

maxim considerably: "Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is." Four thoughts on honor:

The place does not honor the man, the man honors the place. TALMUD: TA'ANITH, 2lB.

Dignity does not consist in possessing honors, but in deserving them. ARISTOTLE.

His honor rooted in dishonor stood.

And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson, "Idylls of the King."

You cannot throw words like heroism and sacrifice and nobility and honor away without abandoning the qualities they express. MARYA MANNES, MORE in Anger, 1958.

SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY

Early Collections

In chronological order, here are the major early collections of proverbs on which most contemporary works are based:

Taverner, Richard. Proverbes or Adagies Gathered out of the Chiliades of Erasmus, 1539

Heywood, John. A dialogue conteining the number in effect of all the proverbes in the Englishe tongue, 1546. This was followed in 1550 by Heywood's An Hundred Epigrammes, in 1555 by Two Hundred Epigrammes, and in 1560 by A Fourth Hundred Epygrams.

Ferguson, David. Scottish Proverbs, completed in 1598, the year Ferguson died. The collection was not published until 1641.

Camden, William. Remaines of a greater worke, concerning Britaine, 1605.

Clarke, John. Paroemiologia Anglo-Latina . . . or Proverbs . . . Methodically Disposed. . . , 1639

Herbert, George. Jacula Prudentum ("Javelins of the Wise"), completed by the author in 1633, the year of his death. The collection was published in 1640 under the title Outlandish Proverbs, but the second edition (1651) restored Herbert's

Selected Bibliograpy

original title.

Howell, James. Paroimiographia: Proverbs, or, Old Sayed Sawes & Adages, in English, Italian, French, Spanish, and British, 1659.

Ray, John. A Collection of English Proverbs, 1670. An enlarged edition appeared in 1678.

Kelly, James. A Complete Collection of Scottish Proverbs, Explained and Made Intelligible to the English Reader, 1721.

Fuller, Thomas. Gnomologia: Adagies and Proverbs; Wise Sentences and Witty Sayings, Ancient and Modern, Foreign and British, 1732.

Contemporary works cited or used in preparation of this book:

Adels, Jill Haak, The Wisdom of the Saints. New York: Oxford University Press, 1987.

Adler, Bill, Presidential Wit from Washington to Johnson. New York: Trident Press, 1966.

Andrews, Robert. The Columbia Dictionary of Quotation. New York: Columbia University Press, 1993.

Bartlett, John. Familiar Quotations, 16 th ed., edited by Justin Kaplan, ed. Boston: Little Brown, 1992.

Baz, Petros D., A Dictionary of Proverbs. New York: Philosophical Library, 1963.

Bertram, Anne. NTC's Dictionary of Proverbs and Cliches. Lincolnwood, 111.: National Textbook Company, 1993.

Boiler, Paul F. and John George. They Never Said It. New York: Oxford University Press, 1989.

Childress, James F. and John Macquarrie editor. The Westminster Dictionary of Christian Ethics. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1986.

Fergusson, Rosalind. The Penguin Dictionary of Proverbs. London, 1983.

Flavell, Linda and Roger Flavell, Dictionary of Proverbs and Their Origins. New York: Hippocrene Books, New York, 1993.

Flexner, Stuart and Doris Flexner. Wise Words and Wives' Tales. New York: Avon, 1993.

Frost, Elizabeth. The Bully Pulpit: A Dictionary of Quotations from Americas Presidents. New York: Facts on File, 1988.

Funk, Charles Earle. Heavens to Betsy! And Other Curious Sayings. New York: Harper, 1955.

Selected Bibliograpy

. A Hog on Ice and Other Curious Expressions. New York: Harper, 1948.

Harnsberger, Caroline Thomas. Treasury of Presidential Quotations. Chicago: Follett, 1964.

Hirsch, E. D. et al. The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1988.

Keller, John E. and L. Clark Keating, eds., Aesop's Fables, with a Life of Aesop. Lexington: University Press of Kentucky, 1993.

The Macmillan Dictionary of Quotations. New York: Macmillan, 1989.

Maggio, Rosalie. The Beacon Book of Quotations by Women. Boston: Beacon Press, 1992.

Miner, Margaret and Hugh Rawson. A Dictionary of Quotations from the Bible. New York: Signet, 1990.

The Quotable Woman. Philadelphia: Running Press, 1991.

Rhys, Ernest. Aesop's and Other Fables. New York: Dutton, 1971.

Riccio, Frank. The Fables of Aesop. Chicago: Contemporary Books, 1988.

Rogers, James T. The Dictionary of Cliches. New York: Facts on File, 1985.

Roth, John K., editor. Ethics, 3 vols. Pasadena, Calif.: Salem Press, 1994.

Simpson, John. The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Proverbs. New York: Oxford, 1992.

Telushkin, Joseph. Jewish Wisdom. New York: William Morrow, 1994.

Titelman, Gregory Y Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs & Sayings. New York: Random House, 1996.

Whiting, Bartlett Jere. Early American Proverbs and Proverbial Phrases. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1977.

. Modern Proverbs and Proverbial Sayings. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1989.

Table of Contents

Copyright

Table of Contents