Overthinking

How to Stop Worrying, Eliminate Negative Thinking, and Control Your Thoughts

By Ashley Hill

© Copyright 2019 - All rights reserved.

The content contained within this book may not be reproduced, duplicated or transmitted without direct written permission from the author or the publisher.

Under no circumstances will any blame or legal responsibility be held against the publisher, or author, for any damages, reparation, or monetary loss due to the information contained within this book, either directly or indirectly.

Legal Notice:

This book is copyright protected. It is only for personal use. You cannot amend, distribute, sell, use, quote or paraphrase any part, or the content within this book, without the consent of the author or publisher.

Disclaimer Notice:

Please note the information contained within this document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has been executed to present accurate, up to date, reliable, complete information. No warranties of any kind are declared or implied. Readers acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical or professional advice. The content within this book has been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed professional before attempting any techniques outlined in this book.

By reading this document, the reader agrees that under no circumstances is the author responsible for any losses, direct or indirect, that are incurred as a result of the use of information contained within this document, including, but not limited to, errors, omissions, or inaccuracies.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Causes of Mental Clutter

What Is Mental Clutter?

Cause #1: Procrastination

Case Study

Cause #2: Doing Too Much, Staying Too Busy

Case Study

Cause #3: Daily Tasks

Case Study

Cause #4: Too Many Choices

Cause #5: Too Many Things in Your Closet

Case Study

Cause #6: Every Message Must Be Answered

Case Study

Cause #7: The Tendency to React Negatively to Situations

Case Study

Cause #8: Emotional and Mental Baggage

Case Study

Conclusion

Chapter 2: Having a To-Do List and Sticking to It

What Is Life like without a To-do List?

How Does the To-Do List Remedy the Problem?

Case Study

Chapter 3: Doing Less and Worrying Less

Ways to De-Stress and Take a Load Off

Case Study #1

Case Study #2

Conclusion

Chapter 4: Getting Rid of Your Junk

Case Study

Conclusion

Chapter 5: Waiting to Answer Messages

The Need to Unplug

Why You Should Let Others Know That You Are Not Going to Give In

Conclusion

Chapter 6: Forgiving the Past

Practical Applications

Conclusion

Chapter 7: Dealing with Negativity

Where Do You Get Negative Thoughts From?

Having Negative Thoughts and Your Life

Conclusion

Chapter 8: Looking on the Bright Side Every Day

Practice Being Thankful

Become Your Own Positive Hero

How to Be More Positive: A 15-Step Process

Conclusion

Chapter 9: Practicing Positive Mindfulness

What Is Mindfulness?

Observation

Description

Participation

Tips to Help You Practice Mindfulness

Techniques to Use to Practice Mindfulness

Meditation

Audio Recordings and Guided Meditation

Raisin Exercise

Full Body Scan

Mindfulness and Observation

Mindfulness and Listening

Self-Compassion Break

Hold-and-Stretch Exercise

Mindful Eating Habits

Reflect on Your Own Thoughts

Anger Management

Stare at a Circle and Think

Conclusion

Chapter 10: Applying a Minimalist Attitude toward Relationships

Types of Relationships

Love Relationships

Family Relationships

Kids

Friends

Colleagues

Principles of a Minimalist Approach to Doing Relationships

Conclusion

Chapter 11: Determining What Is Important to You

Think of the Top Ten Most Important Things to You and Write Them on a Piece of Paper

Get Rid of Unnecessary Things That Are “Up for Discussion”

The Result: You Feel Happy and Worry Less

Conclusion

Chapter 12: Pursuing Your Goals and Not Worrying about Anything

The Answer to the Problem of Money: Find Your Vocation

What Motivates You?

Write Down Your Goals and Prioritize Them

Setting Goals—Case Study: Daniel

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Relevant

Timely

What Does It Mean to Find Your Vocation and Achieve All Your Goals?

Conclusion

Chapter 13: Final Thoughts about Calming Your Worries and Anxiety

Fight or Flight

Structured Problem-Solving

Limit Your Consumption of Media

Try Meditation or Aromatherapy

Take a Shower or Hot Bath

Exercise

Rest and Experience Freedom like No Other

Conclusion

Conclusion

Bibliography

Introduction

There are plenty of things that we have to think about these days—the money to buy all the things we need, our work responsibilities, our kids and families . . . you name it. There are many things to worry about. We also have an endless to-do list to be completed this week with deadlines every day that we may or may not be able to meet. The thing is, we are now busier than ever with many more responsibilities than we used to have. Previous generations also had plenty of things to do, but they still had some downtime. Now, no way, Jose. We are in a situation where our schedules are packed to the brim, and we are unable to sit down and rest after a while. Our bodies and minds are filled with stress and mental clutter, which are causing us anxiety and depression. Therefore, we are unable to concentrate on what we need to get done, and because of that, we become even more concerned and worried. So think of it as a stress mountain that is developing.

You may think that the entire world allows you to worry and that it is socially responsible and ethical to be worried all the time. Let me tell you. That is not the way to live your life. Instead of worrying about tomorrow, how about throwing those cares out the window? Use a bit of humor to get you perked up. Stop worrying about the useless things that pile up and infuse your life with more positive energy. Only then will you experience greater happiness and meaning in your life. It starts with looking on the bright side and believing that you can achieve your goals.

This book has been written as a starting point for you on the journey of self-discovery and help. You need to have a guide to get you out of the mindset of worrying about every little thing. This book will help you overcome your worst fears. Moreover, it will help you get over the things that are holding you back and give you the confidence to handle all the cares and concerns that can easily overshadow and overwhelm your life.

In this book, we will go over the causes of mental clutter. We will talk about how to have a positive mindset, how to be proactive about your life, and how to live a life that is going to get you on the right track again. It is easy to think that your life is spiraling out of control and that you have a lot to think about, but hold your horses. You need to stop letting your emotions take control of you and give yourself a break. That is the only way that you are going to feel free.

Don’t allow the chains of oppression to cause you to go down a dark and unsustainable path. Instead, experience the joy of knowing that tomorrow is going to be okay and that you are going to get better. Every day will become better than the previous one, and once you know it, you’ll be freer and happier than ever before knowing that you can do your best to live a healthy life. Let’s go on this journey together to defeat our worst fears, to worry less, and to live in a fruitful and peaceful tomorrow. Read on to find out how to slay the dragon of your worries and achieve the unthinkable.

Chapter 1: Causes of Mental Clutter

You’re thinking about your to-do list, which is racking up a lot of tasks: Your son’s soccer practice is at 7:00 p.m. You have to finish up your latest project and might have to stay up until 2:00 a.m. to do it. There’s a ton of laundry to do because no one has done it in two weeks, and the dishes are piling up. Now, you have a lot of things that are cluttering your life. A lot of us have things to do that cause mental clutter. Every day, we have some fire drills that we have to address within our minds, making it easy for us to push the panic button, as we worry about what we’re going to do. Worrying, however, does not help things but rather makes them worse. The important thing we need to focus on is how we can deal with our mental clutter because that is the way we need to go forward with our lives. But before we do that, we need to discover what it is that causes us to worry and have mental clutter in our lives (Scott and Davenport, 2016).

What Is Mental Clutter?

Mental clutter includes anything that enters into our lives that causes us to feel burdened by the list of things to do. It includes the things on our to-do list, regrets over things that we have done in the past, unfinished work, including messages to send, bills to pay, among other things. We also worry about a lot of things, even if we don’t know whether or not they will happen. Additionally, grumbling and complaining can be a source of mental clutter. Finally, perfectionism affects our ability to move forward because we worry about the things that we cannot control. We try to do our best but fear that we will fail to achieve it.

Cause #1: Procrastination

This one is a big one because many people do it all the time, and it only contributes to a lot of pain and heartache. More than a few of us tend to wait until the very last minute to do something, and then we feel overwhelmed by the task because we think it is too difficult to accomplish within a short amount of time, which causes a great amount of stress and anxiety. Then we start to worry about how in the world we are going to get it done. Procrastination is continually one of the worst things that we face every day, but it is something that can definitely be avoided with the proper planning and organization. But then again, many people struggle to prioritize tasks or put together a schedule. As a result, they don’t know what to do when they have a lot of things to do. One of the ways you can deal with this is by writing down all the things that need to be done and then doing everything in the order that it should be done. This will help you deal with it well (Scott and Davenport, 2016).

Case Study

Jemima had too much to do on her list. Every day, she felt further behind on the things that she had to do because she wanted to spend more time on the things that mattered to her while less time on the things that burdened her. Moreover, she forgot about some of the things that were difficult for her, and then she would suddenly realize that she needed to do them. That’s when she realized she needed to change her mindset of being less of a procrastinator and more of a person who is proactive about changing their life. Therefore, she decided to get her life together and avoid procrastination as much as she possibly could. It helped and did wonders for her life.

Cause #2: Doing Too Much, Staying Too Busy

Much of modern life is busy and hectic with people doing more than they can take on, and as a result, they are stressed. When we add too much to our to-do list, we often stress more because we wonder how everything is going to get done. But when we lighten our loads and try to do less, it can help our overall psychology and how we think about various situations. You should try easing the burden of your life by taking on fewer tasks. This will enable you to do a lot more and be more efficient.

Case Study

Casey always had a busy schedule. It was filled with many things that she had to do all the time. She had classes from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Then after her classes, she had to be at her debate club from 3:00 to 5:00 p.m. Then she would have dinner. After dinner, she would go to her salsa club on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and then she would do homework until 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. After that, she would get up at 7:00 a.m. She was clearly doing too much. However, she didn’t realize she was doing a lot until the busy schedule took its toll on her schedule. Soon, Casey started to have panic attacks and unexplainable pain in her side from the anxious episodes that she would have.

Cause #3: Daily Tasks

From getting on the subway in the morning with a crowd of people who are so close that you are out of your comfort zone to the demands of your job and family life, daily stress can contribute to our mental clutter and stress. Therefore, it is crucial to know ways that we can deal with them.

Some negative effects of our daily stress are trouble sleeping, muscle aches, chest pain, and headaches. The physical signs of our stress can cause us deep anxiety, which is something we have to watch out for. At its worst, mental stress can cause us relationship problems, panic attacks, and depression.

Case Study

Robert Tate was a TV news anchor who had to travel to different places, including Afghanistan, Israel, and Palestine—areas that were dangerous and difficult for reporting. To cope with the daily stress, he would drink a lot of alcohol or smoke marijuana, which could trigger an on-air attack.

Robert had a meeting with his doctor, who informed him about his mental state. His doctor told him that he needed to take care of his health and be mindful of what he did so that he wouldn’t go off in the wrong direction. The doctor also prescribed him some medications to help him with his moods and anxiety. It would help him do his job more effectively. Furthermore, Robert stopped using recreational drugs and alcohol to help him deal with his stress. Instead, he took his medication as directed. He tried doing some exercise, which also helped him.

Cause #4: Too Many Choices

You know the feeling of dread when you have to make a decision when at the grocery store or at a restaurant. There are too many choices on the menu or in the store, and it easily becomes overwhelming so that you don’t know what to choose. The freedom of choice can do damage to our mental health as we can experience greater anxiety, paralysis, and dissatisfaction with our lives. More choices give us more options, but these things do nothing to guarantee our happiness.

Think about when you go to the supermarket. In 2014, the Food Marketing Institute found out that there were 42,214 items in the average supermarket (Scott and Davenport, 2016). What used to take only a maximum of fifteen minutes has forced customers to spend more time deciding what they want. Therefore, it takes about thirty minutes or longer to go through the supermarket. Not to mention, it can take even longer to check out when you consider how many people go to the store on a given day.

Go to a store and try to buy a pair of khaki pants, which is a common type of clothes for the average guy. There are so many choices. Do you want a baggy fit, straight fit, skinny fit, wide leg, zipper? It makes it difficult for you to make up your mind.

Cause #5: Too Many Things in Your Closet

Nowadays, our homes are filled with things that we never use, including books we don’t read, DVDs we won’t watch, gadgets that are picking up more dust, and clothes that we never wear. Our email inboxes are filled with more clutter than ever before, and our phones continually give us messages that we need more storage.

As we fill our homes with more things than we need, we clutter our minds with more stress. And then we don’t know what to do with it all. Information is all around us, but we don’t know how to handle all the input in our lives. With the click of a mouse, we can order anything we want from a bicycle to cleaning supplies. We don’t even have to leave the house. But then, once we acquire more, we get more boxes, and we find the need to amass even more storage because we have too many supplies. It is a never-ending cycle. Furthermore, we must get rid of the things that are cluttering our lives so that we can make room for more stuff. You can see how emotionally and mentally exhausting all this is for you and your family. Therefore, it is crucial for you to get rid of the junk that is causing you a lot of hassle.

Case Study

Daniel was a pack rat. He kept a lot of old papers in his desk, which he closed up. But whenever he would open it, a bunch of things would just fly out everywhere. Daniel didn’t realize how much he was putting things away and not getting it out for a while. However, this became an essential part of his mental state. He was always stressed. He procrastinated a lot on assignments and just felt scatterbrained all the time. Daniel’s pack-rat mind was making him struggle on so many levels to get his life together, and it was difficult for him to manage all the situations that he was going through. However, Daniel would soon have to learn how to manage his life and organize his things so that he would no longer procrastinate or put things in his drawers and closet. He eventually would get rid of things and do a “deep cleansing” routine to get everything out of his house that he didn’t need. It was a helpful process for him.

Cause #6: Every Message Must Be Answered

As we live a cluttered life, we realize that every text or email must be answered. With our latest devices, we constantly feel busy with our lives. We’re constantly consuming new information that keeps us on our toes so that we cannot rest from our hectic lifestyle. However, this busyness is going to lead us into a place where we are completely and utterly exhausted and cannot keep going. Then we start to break down and worry about every little thing, keeping us up at night and leaving us in a continual state of unhappiness because we’re trying to keep up with our challenging life.

Case Study

Roxy was a slave to her phone. She would keep all her notifications on 24/7, and it was causing her stress and anxiety. Every time she saw a notification pop up on her idle phone, she would feel the need to pick it up and respond right away. Often, she would simply do all her work this way. But then it was getting into her life and starting to distract her from the important things she needed to do, so she ended up answering texts and other work-related messages until 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. Her work-life balance was not doing well, and she felt sick sometimes. Eventually, she became ill and got the flu, which kept her in her house for days. Roxy felt horrible and knew that she had to do something to combat her feelings of anxiety because of her work and her constant need to be responsive for her friends, family, and colleagues at work. Fortunately, she started to turn off notifications and would only check her phone at certain times during the day. Then she noticed how relaxed she would feel when she wouldn’t spend five to six hours on the phone every day but rather cut it down to only two or three hours. It made a big difference in her life.

Cause #7: The Tendency to React Negatively to Situations

As humans, we tend to react negatively to situations, whether or not we consciously realize it. Negative reactions are common because they stir up the negative emotions within us, which cause us the stress and anxiety that make us depressed, angry, and unhappy. Think about it. Look on social media. See how much negativity that spreads on the grapevine. People love to talk about other people and then make a stink about what other people are doing wrong. That is no way to live your life. It is such a waste of time when you constantly focus on what other people do and not enough on what you are doing. Yet many people do this every day, and they don’t realize how much it affects them personally and causes them to act out negatively on their feelings. It causes a lot of emotional and mental clutter to accumulate in your mind, which is not healthy, and it puts a rift in your relationship with other people.

Case Study

Britney was a Negative Nancy. She used to walk into places and complain a lot about her work, making other people feel her negative energy. It was powerful, and it affected everyone else’s mood. But she liked to stir up things, and she even loved to gossip about her coworkers behind their backs and make them turn against each other. Britney didn’t realize that she was causing other people to have a lot of mental clutter, but it was clear that people were getting stressed. It was difficult for other people to acknowledge the difficulty. Pretty soon, however, she was making more than a few enemies at the office, and eventually, she got sacked for contributing to an overall hostile and negative environment for everyone.

Cause #8: Emotional and Mental Baggage

Every day, we may become victims of our own emotional heartaches and baggage that come creeping back to us from the past. Often, this is past hurts, anxieties, and relationship struggles that we had to walk through that cause us great stress. Sometimes, you are not even looking for it, but it comes back to haunt you, and then you suddenly feel like you cannot handle it anymore. It creates a hard time for you. You struggle to do the things you want to do because you are dwelling so much on the past things that you have done, which were not good. This can be a challenge that you must surmount for you to be able to accomplish things in your life. The only way to do that is to let go of everything that is holding you back. You have to release the stress of the past, forgive people who have wronged you, and move on. That’s easier said than done, but when you can do that, it will help you improve your overall mental state and contribute to your overall happiness.

Case Study

Yannick became a victim and slave to his past. He would always dwell on the things that caused him pain, including a friend who had hurt him in the past. He got very angry with him as he remembered the scar of his past with this friend. It caused him to harbor feelings of unforgiveness in his heart so that he didn’t want to do anything with him. However, Yannick realized that he had to let it all go. This relationship woe was hurting him inside and causing him anxiety. It was making him into a terrible person who only harbored resentment against others. He realized he had to get out of it all. So finally, he talked it out with his friend and revealed his grievances against him. The two got together and had a powwow, and they made up from the time of the past. Many times, we just need communication and reconciliation to bring two broken parties together in a way that makes things better.

Conclusion

As you can see, mental clutter continues to affect our lives in negative ways. It causes us to feel stressed and anxious about the things in our lives. Then we feel that we are crushed under the weight of it all because we don’t know what to do. So the only thing that we can end up doing is worrying about all the things that need to be done. Although we may be a little bit worried, some people are stressed to the max about their lives and have no idea what to do. However, there are ways to deal with these worries that we have. In the next chapter, we will describe in detail the ways that you can cope with your fears and anxieties. It is possible to overcome these things with a bit of proactivity and patience with yourself. The sooner you overcome, the sooner you will feel liberated of your slavery to fear within yourself, and then you can live a life full of meaning and happiness. Allow yourself to be free of everything that is holding you back. You will feel better, and you will be able to handle any challenge that comes your way. Just release and let it all go, and then you will feel the difference. You can do it!

Chapter 2: Having a To-Do List and Sticking to It

The first issue that we have in our lives is procrastination. It is a cause of significant stress for our lives. The more we procrastinate, the more stressed we become. But the thing is, we’re always putting things we don’t want to do on the back burner and then not getting them done or having them done hastily with poor quality. Unfortunately, this seems to be a modern problem that is not easily fixed. Think about it. A worker is completing a task and is trying to finish it by the deadline but is putting it off over time. Then the deadline suddenly comes up, and he is unable to finish the work on time. He asks for an extension and then is unable to receive it. This is a case of the average worker. We are always chasing deadlines, even though we can manage our time. It is not impossible to manage your time. All you really need to do is have a to-do list and stick to it. That is going to be the most important thing that you can do to avoid procrastination.

What Is Life like without a To-do List?

Living life without a to-do list is like coasting. It seems as if you have no important and urgent tasks to get done. When you have no to-do list, you are unable to function sometimes. You think you have nothing to do, so you go off and party and stay out until 5:00 a.m. like a university student. Then you wake up at noon, and you realize that you have to do some assignments. You go to work in the afternoon late.

You live a life of constant post-adolescence when you have no to-do list. Often, you will forget appointments, assignments, and other things that you need to do. Inevitably, you will put off the tasks that are not fun and not easy to do and wait until the last possible minute. That is when you go stir crazy and start feeling like, “Ahhhhh! I can’t do this! It’s impossible!” Then you hit the panic button. Your heart races, and you feel your pulse rising increasingly at an alarming rate. It is at that point that you have a fight-or-flight response and you must do the task in the face of what seems impossible.

Having no to-do list will set you up for failure. You won’t be able to get anything accomplished. Things will simply not happen. Then you may have problems at work or in other situations. On the other hand, when you have a to-do list, you can avoid the problem of procrastination and other things and live a life that is free of the anxiety that can easily plague your existence.

How Does the To-Do List Remedy the Problem?

Having a to-do list remedies the problem by empowering the person to complete all the things that they set out to do on that list. The writing becomes permanent in both your memory and on paper. When you put an abstract idea and apply it to paper, you feel free of all the ambiguity of not having any tangible evidence of your target. Writing it down gives you a sense of knowing what you need to do. Therefore, you won’t forget, and you will be able to carry out all the functions that you must do. Then you can rest freely at night because you won’t be worrying about something that has been left until the last minute or another unfinished task.

As humans, we long to complete things. Leaving things unfinished or not worked on causes stress and anxiety for everyone. But once we have completed a task, we feel fulfilled and can rest from all the worries and anxieties that can easily overwhelm and attack us. With a to-do list, we are sure to complete everything that we have written down. Therefore, we won’t have any problems with procrastination.

Let’s look at a case study of this problem and solution.

Case Study

Problem:

Ashley was a very serious procrastinator. She was a university student at Tufts University in Boston. She studied English literature and was well versed in all different fields of literature. Ashley was well read, and she would often be sitting with a book in hand and would lose track of time because she was so enthralled in Balzac or Shakespeare. Therefore, she couldn’t be bothered, especially when she had a paper she had to write. Ashley liked to study, but she would get easily carried away by reading. She forgot her assignment and never wrote down the due dates for her tasks. Therefore, she was always doing all-nighters and completing her papers at the very last minute. It was a bad habit. Ashley regretted not spending enough time on the papers. But then again, she would simply pick up the book that she was reading and get deeply engrossed in it. Ashley got two Cs that semester. And it was a wake-up call for her. She was not happy with the results of her classes. Crying from viewing her grade online, she went to her sister, who is an excellent student, and asked her for advice. Her sister gave her some important advice that would quell her worries and allow her to live a better life. Here is the outcome of that experience.

Solution:

The next semester, Ashley got her act together. She wrote down every assignment she had to do and would put the due dates into her Google Calendar. Ashley became very religious about spending at least two to three hours a day on the paper. Even if she didn’t have any homework for the class, she would go ahead and do some work on her papers. Little by little, she formulated her ideas for her thesis and body paragraphs. Soon, she was able to complete the entire task before the deadline with time for her to revise and edit her work, as well as get a good night’s sleep. Upon arriving to class with her paper, Ashley was very happy and satisfied, and she felt a lot better. In the end, she got As on her assignments. And it made a huge difference because she had prioritized and she had given the attention she needed to get a good grade on her assignments. In the end, she succeeded because she had committed herself to complete her papers to an excellent quality without procrastinating.

To sum up, it’s important that we write things down on our to-do list to alleviate the worries that inevitably arise with procrastination. It is vital that we deal with our tendency to put things off. We need to remedy the problem by doing things proactively and sticking to our original to-do list. This will help us to be happier and more productive people.

Chapter 3: Doing Less and Worrying Less

The second cause of mental clutter was doing too much, but what if I told you that doing less is going to make you worry less? Would you follow this advice? The thing is, we need to recognize that more is not always better. Quality is much more revered than quantity. The more we have on our plates, the more important we feel to other people. And it becomes a pride issue. The more we do, the more proud of ourselves we are, and we become even more self-absorbed. Although it may appear on the outside that we care about other people, inwardly we’re struggling to accept ourselves and take care of our own bodies and minds. Consequently, we feel the need to break down and worry about a wide variety of situations.

You may think that doing more is giving yourself a pat on the back for extra effort and exertion, but the truth is, it is not going to help you that much. The busier we are, the more consumed we are with the things of this world. When we have too much on our plate, we have no time to rest and be with ourselves in quietness, meditation, and solitude. In a world that cannot stop talking and has a lot of white noise, we find ourselves in the middle of the hustle and bustle and unable to turn off all the things that are causing us more stress and anxiety. Therefore, when we do more, we are more stressed and tired and unable to care for ourselves. Because we cannot take care of ourselves, we revert to bad habits, such as addiction, which help us to cope with our feelings of worry about the future.

It is crucial that we give ourselves some downtime and the time to recoup and rest from various experiences. Our bodies and minds are not meant to be constantly at work. We cannot engage our minds on tasks every waking moment. Instead, we must find a way to relax and take a load off. That’s the only way we can live a more productive lifestyle. If we don’t do this, then we are, in effect, setting ourselves up to live a miserable and stressful life.

Ways to De-Stress and Take a Load Off

Here are some ways that you can de-stress and take a load off your life so that you can live a freer and happier life.

1. Get more sleep.

This one is something that many people neglect as a result of being so busy. Many people choose to get less sleep because they think that it is a sign of dedication and hard work and the opposite of laziness. However, let me tell you one thing. Getting more sleep is not lazy; it’s self-care. We need more sleep in our lives. Too many of us try to get by on five to seven hours of sleep with a caffeine high every day. But what we really need is seven to eight hours of high-quality sleep. Because the thing is, even we are sleeping for five to six hours, we may not be getting a restful sleep with REM cycles that are actually good for our bodies. But with more sleep, we feel and look more rested, and then we don’t have to worry about anything because we have gotten adequate amounts of sleep. Don’t feel guilty about getting more sleep. It is highly likely that you need to get more sleep because you might have some anxieties and worries that are keeping you up at night and are, therefore, causing you to lose more sleep. But these things are not worth it. Your health is at stake. Take care. It is the best way.

2. Find a space where you can rest and do nothing.

In our busy world, it might be paradoxically difficult to do nothing. In most cases, we find ourselves unable to “unplug” from our devices, whether that is our mobile device, laptop, or other things that we use on a daily basis. However, we need to find a space where we can simply stop and do absolutely nothing in one place. We can do that “nothing” with some kind of activity, such as sleeping, praying, meditating, or doing other things. Sometimes, simply sitting in silence can be a way to disconnect from our busy lives and finally simply lay our heads down and feel better overall. It makes a big difference.

3. Say no to things that infringe on your rest.

The next thing that you should do is say no to things that are infringing on your rest time. That includes playing your cell phone, numbing out on a video game, or doing other tasks that are keeping you stimulated. However, it also includes accepting jobs, assignments, and other things that are too much for your schedule. When you take on too much, expect to be exhausted and unhappy. Plus, you will have more worries. The key factor is to overcome your worries and disconnect from your busy life so that you can do anything you want to do.

4. Prioritize on the things that are important to you.

After saying no to things that are unnecessary, you need to say yes to the things that really matter. That includes health, fitness, good food, etc. You need to prioritize the ways that you spend your time with others and not feel that you need to compensate for different situations. You must learn how to manage the very little time that you are given so that you can maximize on rest and give yourself a break from time to time. It is important to do the things that really matter and minimize the things that are taking away from your energy level.

5. Prioritize your relationships with your family and friends.

More important than anything is your relationship with your family, significant other, and friends. That is going to be the driving factor for how you live your life. Moreover, it is important to prioritize these meaningful relationships so that you can get a lot out of your life. These things cannot go away from you. You have to put them on the top of your priority list. They are precious. Make the decision to keep them dear to your heart.

Case Study #1

Jessi was a workaholic. He spent more time than any other colleague at the office. Often, he would arrive twenty minutes early and leave one hour later than everyone else. He took on more responsibilities than he ever should, and he chose to do a lot of unnecessary things. Soon, it affected his health. He was getting sick easily. He would work in spite of his sickness. Work was his pride and joy. He was reeling in cash for all the hard work, but it was at the expense of his family. Jessi hardly ever went home to be with his family. He would get drunk with his buddies and stay out until 4:00 a.m. and then stumble back home in the middle of the night. He was getting less sex with his wife. And it was costly. His decisions became a difficult nightmare for him. His wife left him and got a divorce and took the children from him. Then Jessi was left single, and he had to sell his house and get a one-bedroom apartment. It was a case of doing too much at the expense of losing everything around him. Jessi did not treasure his relationships but only prioritized his work and badge of honor. Unfortunately, that led to a tragic consequence.

Jessi eventually learned the hard way that he could not neglect relationships. He became less money-driven and more focused on developing a good rapport with people. Instead of constantly working, he chose to do the things that he needed to do, and then he gave some time for recreation and play. Instead of getting drunk every night, he chose to simply spend time alone in silence and unplugged everything, which made a big difference in his overall lifestyle. Jessi began to worry less about his money and other things and focused on what was important, which was living a meaningful life, free of the love of money and other things that are less vital for human success.

Case Study #2

Lionel was always saying yes to every little thing that came his way. He loved to say yes to more responsibilities at work. Unfortunately, his supervisor was incredibly stingy and manipulative and told him that the more he sacrificed, the more favor God would give him. He was working for a Christian organization. Lionel did not get a pay raise for more than four years of working with this company. The organization always insisted that its employees sacrifice for the sake of the company. That was something that the employees respected, regardless of whether or not it was right. Some people can be so manipulative that they can hoist the will of God in front of a person’s eyes and say, “Do this because God says so.” Unfortunately, that is the way it is with many organizations. Lionel did not know how to respect his own boundaries. Therefore, he went home exhausted every day and felt like his spiritual energy was being depleted from him. He worried about his finances and whether or not he would have enough money to pay his bills. He was in a constant frenzy.

Later, after having consulted with his mentor, Lionel decided to quit this job and move on. It was a courageous move because he had no backup option. He was just going to become unemployed, and that was scary. Rightfully so. However, Lionel knew it was the right decision. He needed to stop saying yes to things that were taking a toll on his health and private life. And he needed to say yes to his overall well-being. That was the most important thing for his life. In the end, he was happy. Even without a job, he didn’t worry because he knew everything was going to be all right in the end.

Conclusion

One of the key factors that will contribute to your happiness and enable you to worry less is taking on less. The more you learn to say no to things, the less likely you will feel the need to worry. You will also feel a ton better. Learn to minimalize your life and say yes to a healthy and happy lifestyle.

Chapter 4: Getting Rid of Your Junk

Another factor that contributes to our worry is our constant clutter in our closets and other places. When we have a lot of clutter in different places, we may become really stressed and overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that we have. But what if we could make it simpler? Why not get rid of the stuff that is holding us back from living a meaningful life? That is what this chapter is for—to show you how to get rid of your junk and live a minimalist lifestyle.

What if the new more is less? That is what the minimalists are saying. With more people graduating from four-year universities with student loan debts of more than $30,000 and people unable to get a decent job that pays the bills after graduating, it is no wonder that many millennials are in deep sludge. They cannot buy a car, let alone a house. Therefore, financially, it is becoming more difficult to be a millennial. Millennials are not likely to be able to retire later in their lives because of all the debt that they have acquired in their twenties. It makes for a difficult situation in every sense. The solution to all of this: buy less, consume less, and live with fewer possessions. That is what many millennials are having to do, and it is helping them to alleviate the worry of having so much junk that is causing many problems.

The key point to realize is that stuff does not make us happy. Accumulating more wealth, junk, and other material possessions is never going to make us happy. It is just going to make us more anxious about taking care of the things that could easily break, get damaged, or worse. We find ourselves worrying more when we have a mansion to take care of and other things. But as soon as we get rid of our junk, we find ourselves free to do greater things with our time. Miraculously, we are able to take a load off and stop worrying about the things that could go wrong or tear up. We also spend a lot more money this way, and we find ourselves unable to pay the bills each month, which is more disheartening and stressful.

What is the solution? Purge, purge, purge, I tell you! It is to get rid of everything that is getting in the way. That includes items that we absolutely do not need or desire. Don’t let little things get in the way of your life. You should try to do everything to rid yourself of the things that are robbing you of joy at the end of the day because it is not worth it. Cast off everything that is causing you harm and anything that is unnecessary. You don’t need it. Try to clean the house at least once a month. Take inventory of your needs and surpluses and then get rid of the things that are not part of your essential items. It will help you get to where you want to be.

Case Study

Jason and Amy had a full house all the time. In fact, they used to keep all their old documents in a drawer that was bulging at the seams. They never threw away their old clothes. Their closets were literally exploding with everything. It became difficult for the couple to clean house at times because they had too much stuff, and they were struggling to make ends meet, which made it hard for them to take care of all of their things. So they ended up cleaning up their house and selling items that needed to be sold, and they got rid of a ton of things that were taking up too much space in their house. Fortunately, they were able to finish everything well. At the end of the day, they were able to sleep better at night. They had fewer things, more money in the bank, and more free time. It was a great success story.

Conclusion

You have to say farewell to the things that are taking over your life and monopolizing your time. Sometimes, it’s best to purge. Often, we feel like we might be dying a little inside when we do that. But when we do, we feel a lot better. It makes us feel like we have done something important. It is hard for us to part with things that are sentimental to us and mean a lot, but often, cleaning the house is the way to realize what is essential to our lives and what needs to be ousted. Therefore, it is vital for our emotional and mental well-being to rid ourselves of the junk that makes us worry every day.

Chapter 5: Waiting to Answer Messages

Another point that is important to consider is how we can avoid having things take over our lives and interfere with our private space. Often, we find ourselves checking our messages well into the night without considering the long-term mental and physical consequences of our actions, which undoubtedly results in our anxiety and stress. When we don’t turn off our devices in the night, we are setting ourselves up for poor sleep habits, grogginess, the greater need for caffeine, among other things. This is not going to help us in the long run. Rather, it is going to hinder our overall development going forward. Furthermore, it is crucial to get out of our need to always be “on” for people. What can we do? Unplug our devices and get out for a while.

The Need to Unplug

One of the difficult things for people to do is to part with their device. I know that I have had my own struggles with this kind of thing because I can be so glued to my phone. Checking out my screen time on my iPhone, I can see how much time I spend on the phone each day. The last time I checked, I had spent about 3.5 hours per day on the phone. That is a lot of time spent checking messages, texting, surfing the web, posting on Facebook, among many other things we do every day. However, there are people who are even more addicted than I am, which can be quite disheartening to think about.

South Korea is a destination that is filled with smartphone addicts. You see them on the subway every day, glued to their phones. Everyone is seemingly on their phones 24/7. Even into the night, young people use their smartphones for various activities. The thing that we have to bear in mind is that this addiction is a widespread societal problem. People are on their phones all the time and not getting any better. Society has created this problem as we have developed newer technology that people are using every day. The blatant idolatry of technology in which everyone is constantly buying the newest device has made for an industry that is all about acquiring more stuff and getting the latest gadget on the market. Unfortunately, that has led to consumers buying so many things that they don’t need and constantly consuming content even on the go throughout their day.

With this growing societal problem, there is a need to unplug from the devices that have made us enslaved to technology and constant consumption of content wherever we may be. Often, we have to find ourselves snoozing our phones, not receiving the notifications we want because it is going to keep us up at all hours of the night if we don’t. So wait to answer that message that you think is urgent. Don’t respond right away to things. Instead, try your best to answer and reply to things when you feel at your best. People should not expect to receive instant replies. However, in this digital age, people are constantly looking at their phones and waiting for the next response. It is not healthy, but it is the way we are so attached to our mobile devices that we have come to expect instant communication.

Why You Should Let Others Know That You Are Not Going to Give In

Instead of making people upset about the fact that you are not responding to their messages, you should let them know that you are busy and that you need some time to respond to their messages. You’re not able to take calls or messages right away, and they need to respect that. In most cases, people would understand your reasons and would let you off the hook. But you need to let them know about it. For example, if you are a freelancer and work in Europe and your company is in another time zone, you could let people know the fact that you don’t work in the same time zone and will possibly be asleep when receiving a work-related message. Therefore, your colleagues or supervisors should respect the fact that you have off-hours too. Even as a freelancer, you can set boundaries for how you will respond to various messages.

Don’t give in to the temptation that you have to be “on” all the time. Disconnect from technology and don’t allow yourself to have a constant “available” status symbol on your computer. Instead, you should turn it off or put it on snooze—whatever it takes to get you out of the constant zone of work and availability. If people find out you are more available, then they will take advantage of it and possibly use you in ways they shouldn’t. So you should try to disconnect as much as possible.

Case Study

Laetitia loved to use her phone for many things. She would answer work-related emails on the subway and check her messages well into the night. Without realizing it, Laetitia was becoming more of a slave to technology and constant availability. She wore a badge of honor of being available and helping others. It was her pride and joy. However, she recognized that it was harming her health and physical well-being. Her friends told her, “Laetitia, you need to stop checking your messages. You’re using it 24/7. You can’t live your life that way. You’ll never stop working.” Laetitia realized she had to get out of the endless cycle of worrying about the things that were on her phone and start living her life the way she wanted rather than living for the expectations of others.

Conclusion

You have to set boundaries in your life, especially when it comes to being available all the time for others, including colleagues, friends, and supervisors. Most of the time, people will honor your right to privacy and rest. If you let others know that you are not going to be available for a period of time, you can be free to do as you please and not live for others and their desire to get a hold of your precious time. Rather than letting people get more work or what have you, it will be possible for you to turn off everything and rest from all the things that are causing you stress. Don’t worry about those things today. Leave it for tomorrow.

Chapter 6: Forgiving the Past

Sometimes it can be hard to forgive people and situations that have hurt us deeply in the past. However, what we have to learn to do is to get over the past and discover ways to forgive the hurts that have caused us great trouble. We must think of ways to overcome our various situations and forgive the past.

It is easier said than done, I know. However, it is something that you have to do to get rid of the emotional and psychological baggage that you have in your life. Perhaps you have experienced a breakup with a person. It was a terrible experience for you; you are trying to figure out how to move on, but it is continually nagging at you. That’s where you must learn to let go and forgive the past of the many things that you may have gone through and move on to the things that motivate you.

Forgiving past mistakes, misjudgments, and heartbreaks will give you the ability to overcome your fears and find peace within your soul. I’m sure that sometimes you feel troubled by the things happening in this world. There are things that can cause you anxiety and stress because they make you remember some childhood trauma or other difficult experiences in the past. When this happens, you begin to relive the painful things of the past.

You need to learn to forgive your past. It is not going to happen automatically. Often, forgiveness is a process that involves a great deal of time before you can carry it out. The only way to get over it is to forget about what happened. Granted, it may take you years to overcome the damage that someone has done in your life, and you may spend a lifetime trying to forgive them. However, the sooner you do that, the better off you will be.

There are many cases of people who have walked through life with the emotional baggage of childhood trauma. One such example was Robin Williams, who had a lonely childhood. His parents put him in an attic of the house, where he was forced to play with his toys all by himself. He rarely saw his parents, except during private dinner gatherings. In that case, Robin felt that he was constantly seeking the validation and love of other people. Many people loved Robin, and they showed it, but he struggled to love himself because he had not felt that as a child. Consequently, he went through his life, struggling with the concept of love because his parents had not shown him love. That deep sadness followed him all the way to his grave after his suicide in 2014.

What Robin Williams shows us is an example of someone who had childhood worries and challenges follow him throughout his life. He was never able to forgive and forget the past, even though it would have helped him to live a more fulfilling life. We can learn from this example that childhood anxieties and trauma can follow us well into adulthood and that if we are not careful, they may follow us all the way to our death. It can be difficult to articulate our concerns to people because they are buried deep within us. Inside our psychology, there are hurting children who are struggling to overcome the difficulties of the past, but the sooner we can overcome the past, the sooner we will be happy and able to live a life that is full of love, joy, peace, and good fortune.

Another example of a person who released the past hurt was Will Hunting from Good Will Hunting (1997), a movie with Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and Robin Williams. Matt Damon’s character, Will, is the main character who has been hurting from his past because he was abandoned by his parents and lived a life as an orphan with no family. He tried to mask his insecurities by drinking, smoking cigarettes, and using physical violence against others. However, he met Dr. Maguire, a psychologist who was played by Robin Williams. The psychologist was able to connect with Will on a deep emotional level and provide him the support he needed to overcome his past trauma. In one emotionally gripping moment, Robin Williams was able to get all the hurt out of Matt Damon’s character as he burst into tears and hugged him. To calm him down, Robin’s character, Maguire, kept saying, “It is not your fault.” It was helpful to see this moment because it showed that the past could be effectively forgiven and wiped clean if a person wanted to do that. Maguire was able to get the pain out of Will and bring him to the point of forgiving the past. Although he might never forget what his parents had done to him to abuse him and eventually leave him, Will would be able to move on and do what he was meant to do, which was to “go and see about a girl.” The touching story showed us how the past could be erased so that a person could go forward and discover his destiny. With moments of healing and wholeness, Will would be able to leave behind the darkness of his past and pursue his dream of being in love with someone.

What can we do to forgive our own past? The important thing to do is to realize that we need healing—spiritual, mental, and physical healing. Our minds and hearts are not in the right place. We have hurt from the past, and we feel that it is a dark chasm that we cannot escape from. However, we have to bring ourselves to repenting of our own misjudgments and the things that have caused us pain and anxiety and then also forgive those around us who have hurt us in some way. It is not easy, but it is a path that is well worth it because then we can find a way to feel better and heal. It is a lifelong process in some cases, but as we get rid of our excess emotional baggage, then we can find a freer and more prosperous future in our minds. It is crucial that we release stress, anxiety, and other things that are holding us back. If we don’t do that, then we may be holding to something for the rest of our lives that could ultimately lead to our own downfall and destruction, as in the case of Robin Williams. Let’s look at the ways that we can do this. How can we emotionally release the past from our hearts and minds?

Practical Applications

1. Write down all the things that are causing us anxiety and worry and leave them for later. We should allow ourselves to release all the pain into the paper. After that, you burn the paper, shred it, or do anything to it to show that it is gone forever.

2. Say you’re sorry to people you have hurt. What you have to do with this application is to say sorry to people whom you may have caused pain and anxiety. You may not realize how much this has put a rift in your relationship, and you will have to take the initiative to do it because it is highly likely the other person will not take the first step. You have to be proactive about this point.

3. Keep yourself super busy with things that you won’t have time to worry or dwell on the past. You should find some ways to keep yourself busy so that you won’t think about the things of the past. Do many kinds of projects that will help you experience joy and meaning in your life. Do things that give you passion.

4. Spend time with the people you love and don’t spend time with negative people. Another point that you should think about is spending time with people who give you joy and avoiding Negative Nancys and other people who will just bring you down. This will help you to live a happier life.

Case Study

Frank had a difficult moment in the past that he was unable to forget. He was deeply hurt in a one-sided relationship with a girl. It was difficult because she had cheated on him, so he had to break up the relationship. For years, he went through a period of searching and trying to get over his pain, but every time he tried dating, the topic came up again, and he could feel that he was suffering from it on an ongoing basis. Then he went to his mentor and told him everything that held him back. He cried in his arms and felt the release of the burden of how this experience had been traumatic for him. It was difficult, but Frank was able to get rid of the pangs of guilt and unforgiveness that were in his heart. He allowed all of that to be out of his life. And once he had done that, he felt that he could truly be free—free, at last.

Conclusion

In order to release the bonds of oppression from the past, you must learn how to forgive the things of the past and release them. It is not easy, but once you do that, you will find yourself in a better place emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Write down the things that are bothering you about the past and then release them to the wind. Forgiveness—it’s a beautiful thing.

Chapter 7: Dealing with Negativity

Are you a “glass half full” or “glass half empty” type of person? You might think either way, but if you happen to be a negative person, you might see the world as a glass half empty. Negativity is a way that we view the world, which is marked by the thoughts and feelings a person expresses toward reality. Negative thinking comes from within a person. Whenever you think negatively, you will only focus on the bad in life and don’t reflect enough positivity. As a result, you will think of the worst possible results of an action or decision. Negative people tend to be skeptical of any advice that is given to them, and they don’t trust people because of their past experiences.

Even though a person might adopt a negative mindset, it is not healthy, and it hinders your ability to form meaningful connections with other people. Do you tend to look on the bright side, or do you always find things to gripe and complain about? If you are optimistic, you will see things on the bright side. However, if you are a negative person, you will only see the dark side of every kind of situation.

When a negative person is faced with a challenge or difficulty, he or she will automatically default to a negative prediction of what might happen in a given situation.

Where Do You Get Negative Thoughts From?

The negative thoughts that arise in our minds come from many places, including the patterns of belief that we develop over time. Our values may include our money, job, relationships, jobs, and other things. If you want to know where your negative thoughts seem to be coming from, then you should ask yourself some questions.

1. Do you find yourself complaining about everything?

2. Do you blame others before yourself?

3. Do you like to predict a negative outcome in any given situation?

In addition to these basic questions, you also should think about things that contribute to your negative thinking, including criticism of people, feeling victimized by different situations, experiencing depression, and always predicting an emergency. As you think about these ideas, then you realize how quickly negative thoughts can spread like wildfire. Whenever you are in the company of people who always think negatively, you will be prone to thinking that way. The more that you hang out with people who have a pessimistic view on life, the more negative you will become. Therefore, it is crucial to find friends you can be with who can build you up instead of those who constantly tear other people down.

Having Negative Thoughts and Your Life

When you have negative thoughts, you experience a severe impact on your overall health. Your pessimistic ideas will make your brain go into survival mode, which will be stressed about all situations that arise. When a person experiences chronic stress, they will feel the effects psychologically. Whether you are aware of it or not, you will see that those negative thoughts will affect your ability to function, and they lead to long-term consequences that can jeopardize your well-being. You may find yourself unable to eat a lot, or you may stress eat in order to deal with the situation. When you lose or gain weight, you are likely dealing with negative thoughts as a result of stress on your body.

Negativity can cause you relational difficulties with family members, colleagues, and other people in your circle. When you choose to stay in the negative areas of your life, other people will follow you, and they will be judgmental and critical of different folks that they might come across. Soon, everything rolls over like a domino, bringing you into a lot of stress and anxiety.

In addition to the relational difficulties, negativity almost inevitably results in depression, and depression affects the health and well-being of people. Furthermore, if you are with people who love to tear others down, you would not want to be with them and would rather prefer to go on your own. It is vital to find people who can be an encouraging presence in your life and give you a better influence.

Now that we have looked at the causes of negativity, we can look at ways to stop being so negative and start living a life that is joyful and positive.

1. Distance yourself from the negative people in your life.

Think of a person that you know who is always negative. Avoid talking to them. Put some distance between you and them. Do not spend too much time with them because if you do, you might get hurt or experience some hard times. It is better if you stop interacting with them at all.

2. Do not feel bad about cutting ties with people who bring you down.

If you have entered into relationships with negative people, you should cut ties with them as soon as possible. Do not forge a relationship with someone who is always negative. You should find people who will build you up and not tear you down. Prioritize building relationships with this latter type of person.

3. Don’t get into an argument with a negative person.

If you engage in an argument with a negative person, you will not win. It will be like a drama from a movie or something, and you don’t want to see Mount Vesuvius erupt in front of you. Instead of engaging, you should simply walk away from the situation and come back to the person when they are ready to talk. Give that person some space to get over whatever it is that is ailing them.

4. Surround yourself with positive people.

By surrounding yourself with positive people, you will feel more positive and less gloomy. You will feel good to be around this type of people. You will experience a positive outcome, as well.

5. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

It is easy for us to get into negative thought patterns, which cause us stress and anxiety. We have to learn to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. We should not let ourselves get into a whirlwind of negative thoughts. Fill your mind with positive thoughts. Experience the amazing power of positive thinking. It will affect your whole day and make you feel much better as a result. For example, maybe you hate going into work on Mondays, and you dread it like the plague. Instead of dwelling on a potentially negative situation, you can say, “I’m excited about going into work today because I can have my coffee, do my work, and spend time with my favorite colleague.” When you can have one positive thought, it will make a great difference in your overall outlook.

6. Stop yourself whenever you see yourself spiraling off into negative territory.

The next thing you should do is to notice when you feel that you are slipping into negative territory. Watch yourself lest you get into the pattern of thinking about the negative things in your life. For instance, you may find yourself getting depressed because you watch the news all the time and see the next disaster happen. After seeing this kind of event, your mind defaults to a pessimistic mindset, and you think that a disastrous situation is looming around the corner.

7. Don’t complain.

Whenever you find yourself always complaining about whatever is going wrong, you should stop yourself. Hold the thought and then move on with your life. You should not dwell on the negative and think about all the things that are wrong with your life. The truth of the matter is that complaining will do nothing to benefit your life. It will only bring you down. Complaining pushes you away from the things that you want.

8. Don’t gossip with other colleagues at the office.

Many of us gossip with other people. It is a contagious thing, and unfortunately, it affects workplaces and schools. It is not helpful to you or anyone in your life. You should avoid it as much as possible. Gossip can tear down communities, and it can result in distrust and many other things.

9. Do not try to read others’ minds.

Many times, we might find ourselves wanting to read other people’s minds to know what they genuinely think about us. However, we also expect the worst from their thoughts. It is best to stop thinking that people around you have some kind of bad feelings toward you. This will only bring about more stress and anxiety in your life. Moreover, you should stop thinking negatively. Do not jump into conclusions right away; instead, you should keep calm and relax.

10. Stop Watching the News or Your Facebook account

The news feed is one of the most depressing sources of information in our lives, but we always seem to consume a lot of information this way. We go online on the BBC and learn about the latest attack in Somalia or other things that are going on in the world. Bad news can cause us to worry and have bad feelings toward things, and it affects our health. We would do well if we avoid interacting with media that have particularly disastrous consequences for our mental health. The same could be said for Facebook, which advertises fake news, as well as news stories that make us envious of other people and wanting what they have. These sources of information seem to give us more stress and cause us to worry more. The best piece of advice is simply to avoid hanging out in these places. Stop watching the news and endlessly scrolling through your Facebook newsfeed, which only leads to your own unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life. Better yet, simply get rid of Facebook. Deactivate your account and only use Messenger to communicate with your friends.

Case Study

Russell used to be a negative person. He would always complain about minor things, such as the weather outside, as well as the hostile work culture he was in. He always had something to gripe about even on good days. Russell became the talk of the office, and people called him Negative Ned. His coworkers would tease him, which offended him greatly. As he was an INFJ, he would internalize these experiences, get upset and depressed, and beat himself up about it at home. This made him go home and cry to sleep each night.

Russell was a man to hide his feelings, and whenever he felt bad, he would not tell anyone about it. However, he did exhibit his negative attitude in the office. His negativity caused him anxiety, and his blood pressure and pulse would rise each day. Although he did not like his job, Russell knew that he needed enough money. He continued to be in denial about his negativity issue. He always thought that he could overcome the situation on his own, but he ended up insulting people around him. These people also tried to bring him into their own negativity circle, so they became like-minded people. Eventually, the whole office got tired of everything, and they started insulting each other and tearing each other down. The result was a hostile environment in which everyone was not having a productive time within the workplace.

Looking at this situation, we can see that negativity is at the origin of further negativity. Whenever you have a bad apple, it makes every other apple go bad. Russell was a Negative Ned, and he was not good at relating to others. Because of that, he built a big wall of hostility between him and others. He complained about a lot of things that were going down in the office, and it became a compulsive habit for him. Then everyone around him started to complain about him as well. It infected every part of the environment. Let’s get back to the story again.

The situation became so bad that the office had colleagues who were turning on each other, and there was more discord. With that, more colleagues were given the sack and had to leave. Furthermore, Russell was also fired and had to leave because a group of colleagues finally found something unforgivable in his work that was a reason enough to give him the sack. When he was fired, though, Russell immediately became depressed and sought out some psychiatric help. He was then on antidepressants for a period of time to deal with the problem.

Having gone to a psychiatrist and gotten some therapy, he was on the road to recovery from his negativity. His therapist told him, “Why don’t you try giving positivity a chance? Think positive today.” Then Russell said, “Sure, why not?”

Russell gave it a shot; he tried to be positive that day. He followed his therapist’s advice and tried to be optimistic and focused on being thankful for his life. It made a big difference. At the end of his first day, he still had a complaint about the weather or other work-related things. But then the next day, he realized that he had a lot to be thankful for and that he could count his blessings.

Russell said to himself, “I am so lucky to be alive today. I have an amazing therapist who has helped me improve my life. I love my wife and my two kids, who have helped me get through this rough patch. What more could I have? I am so blessed and happy!” He also realized that he was better off than most people, and that gave him the confidence to say that he could be happy. He also recognized how he could be more content with the things that he had. Eventually, you would see Russell crack a smile more often than not. He would break into fits of laughter. Somehow, there was a catharsis, and in that, he was releasing the stress and anxiety that had kept him a prisoner for a long time. Everyone saw how much of a good life that Russell was living, and they wanted to live just like him. About his job situation, he landed a much better job at a larger company in a big city with more benefits. It was his dream job.

The takeaway message of this story is that you have to get rid of your negative thoughts. You must drown out all the negative voices in your head and ignore everything that is in your way so that you can hear the positive voice within you. Because Russell listened to the positive voice within him, he experienced dramatic improvement with his overall morale and relationship skills. People wanted to be around him more and didn’t want to push him away from them. Additionally, Russell was able to overcome his depression and the need to take antidepressants, which had become his solution to all his problems. Nevertheless, once he was able to be positive for one day, it all led to his journey of recovery and flourishing.

Conclusion

It is important to recognize how negativity can be really toxic. It is something that can infect your soul and physical and mental health. Often, we find ourselves being negative toward ourselves, and it can be a challenge to silence the inner critic within, but it is something that needs to be learned how to do. Being positive is one way to silence the negative voice within you. It allows you to open up to a whole new world of positivity. It is vital to seek out ways to be positive every day and to look on the bright side of everything. Once you are able to do that, you find more joy and peace within you. If you don’t have an optimistic outlook, it might be hard for you to find meaning in your life. Moreover, you have to find positive things to be grateful for and stop using up your energy complaining about all the negative things in life. The way to go forward is by taking a positive step in the right direction. You should look at life with joy and peace because that will help you live a better life. In what follows, we will talk about how to infuse your life with positivity.

Chapter 8: Looking on the Bright Side Every Day

There is a lot of power in being positive. You can make a big difference in the lives of others by being positive. You wake up in the morning on Monday and think to yourself: “I can do it! I look forward to this new day of work. It is going to be great. I took my shower and had my coffee. Now I’m ready to go.”

When you see that you can contribute something positive to this world, you will be able to adjust your attitude and expectations. Think about this: our lives are too short for us to worry about things that are frivolous and empty. We should not go through our days and complain about every little thing in our lives. Granted, there are many things that are worth complaining about, such as a meal that takes too long to prepare at a restaurant, the gossip that’s going around in your office, among other things. We can easily break down and gripe about these things. For this reason, we want to guide you through every step of cultivating a positive attitude and changing your approach to various situations in your life.

The first thing that you have to recognize is that there are a lot of challenging and difficult things in life. Nothing that’s really worth much is going to come easily. Sometimes, you have to rough it through the tough times to feel better about your life. It always takes a lot of hard work and dedication to reach your goals. And often, we don’t reach our goals because we are downcast from all the expectations that we put on ourselves or others put on us. In the middle of all this, we worry about getting our dreams and goals. When you have the end goal in mind, you can move forward with your life and edge one step closer to the milestone that is going to change your life. Perhaps, your goal is to set aside $3,000 for your next vacation, or you want to become healthier and work out so you can overcome depression and live a better lifestyle. Or maybe you want to pay off a student loan, so you work hard. Sometimes, we just have to be more straightforward about our goals because only then can we have more realistic expectations of the ones that will lead us forward.

Practice Being Thankful

You may now be wondering how it is that you can get into a positive mindset. Well, it is a lot easier than you might think. The first thing that you should do is get a pen and paper and write down fifteen things that you are thankful for. You will see what influences your thoughts when you get a feel of the things that make you feel thankful.

Practicing gratitude is one of the most powerful things you can do in your life. It helps you get out of tough times when you feel stuck and unable to move forward. In addition, it helps you to get out of depression when you have a situation of losing a job or some catastrophe that throws you a curveball. As a result, you might feel helpless or devastated. But when you write down the thing that you are thankful for, you will realize just how blessed you are and how joyful you can be. Life is a precious gift. When you realize how many things have been handed to you, you see that you have the support of numerous people who want to get you out of your struggles and into a more prosperous life. Think of the people who love you, including your friends, parents, siblings, and other people. Also, think about the financial situation that you have been given and the job that you go to every day. Think about these blessings and remove any kind of feeling of entitlement that you might feel toward those blessings. You should recognize that you receive a lot more than you truly deserve and that everything is a gift of grace. Instead of griping about the lack of money that you have in your bank account, take a moment to say thank you to a person who has changed your life for the better and practice gratitude. Believe that it will change your day and make it a better one.

Stop right now and get your pen and paper. Write down the things you are thankful for.

Now that you have taken that step, you can come back and realize that you are on your way to becoming a positive person. Recall a time when you met success. Perhaps you got an A in your calculus class in high school, although you did not actually like math but rather enjoyed studying it. Or in university, perhaps you landed a top-notch internship at a Fortune 500 company that eventually led to a full-time position there. Maybe you were able to get healed from a psychological disorder that you had for a long time. You had a miracle healing experience. Be thankful and recall the times that have gone by and how you managed to overcome different situations. Think about how strong you have become in overcoming all the difficulties that have come your way. Not everyone can fight the good fight the way you have. Having different psychological and physical conditions can be hard, and when you feel that you are depressed, even getting out of bed can seem like a hard thing. Once you are able to get over something big, you can recognize that you did it well, and you can celebrate.

Become Your Own Positive Hero

Now that you have a grateful mindset, you are ready to change the world, and one of the best ways to do that is by helping others. When you help others, you can improve your feelings and mood more than anything else. For example, when you help an elderly lady put her groceries in her car and move the cart away, you have done something to help someone else. This can increase your self-esteem and make you feel good.

Helping others is also a form of therapy that helps you to make a positive impact in others’ lives while improving your overall emotional well-being. When you develop a positive mindset, you can make a big difference in other people’s lives. For example, you could smile and look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, “See, you are doing really well! You’re going to have a good day!” Then you will immediately feel better. It allows you to be filled with positive vibes, which help you to keep going in your mind.

The positive hero mindset can become even more powerful when you laugh. When you tell a joke and make others laugh or watch Robin Williams or some other comedian on Netflix and laugh your bottom off, you can instantly infuse a place with positivity and fight off those feelings of negativity. All of this will give you more positive feelings and allow you to feel at your best. You should feel like you can be playful, glad, and thankful all at the same time. Being a positive hero can make you a light in the middle of the darkness that pervades this life. As we have already stated, there is a lot to be sad and depressed about in this world; however, you can make up for it by making the world a better place by adding bits of positivity, making people laugh and smile and give others a high-five from time to time. It will change your whole mindset and give you joy that you never thought you had in you before.

I’m not trying to paint the picture with bright colors only. It is hard to be positive sometimes. You have to suffer a lot in this life from the cares and worries of mundane everyday routine. Some days, you may lie in bed and think, “Why should I bother about all this? I don’t want to go to work today.” But what if I told you that it is possible to get rid of your crippling self-doubt and start living in a more positive and bright mindset every day? You can do it! I know you can.

Case Study

Emma was having a difficult time studying in school. She flunked her science test and struggled to have the motivation to study for every test after that. The girl had a lot of worries and wondered if she would be able to get into a good university even with her low grades. She knew that she wasn’t naturally talented in the sciences, and she started to feel bad and worried about the future. Things got so bad that she could not even get out of bed in the morning because she was filled with anxiety.

Then Emma had to go see a counselor about her struggles. Her name was Dr. Tate, and she was a very talented therapist. She made Emma set a goal for herself to get out of the negative and depressive cycles of her life and try to get a C in her science class and get the tutoring help that would get her on her way to improve her grade. Emma felt better and realized that this plan was going to help her. She worked with a tutor named Amy. Together, they worked on Emma’s science study skills. Amy was a very positive influence in Emma’s life, and she said, “Emma, I know that you are trying your best. Keep doing it. Realize you can do anything you set your mind to. It is not impossible. I know you can do so much better and that you will improve.” Amy taught a lot of positive self-talk to Emma, and this helped her a lot, especially when she had to face different difficulties in her life.

Emma got 60% on her test once after that period. Instead of saying things to herself like, “You’re an idiot. Get down on your knees and cry up a storm!” she said to herself, “It’s okay, Emma. It was a difficult ride for you, but you can do better next time. Study harder and smarter, and you can do a better job. But you should get some help too.” With a positive and growth mindset, Emma developed a can-do attitude. With Amy’s help, she was able to get that C that she had desired, especially after Amy had continuously encouraged and supported her. Everything turned out well, and it was great that Emma could develop her self-confidence and self-talk, which helped her to be successful.

How to Be More Positive: A 15-Step Process

Now let’s look at how you can practically apply all the things that we have talked about in this chapter. Let’s go through the different things you can do to achieve a positive mindset.

1. Be with positive people all the time.

This is the one that applies to the case study we just mentioned. When you are with positive people, you feel good and have a better attitude about things. By honing in on them and not focusing on negative people, you will feel better and start to feel more positive as well. This is important for you to be able to achieve greater happiness, and then you won’t worry about what others think of you.

2. Do a hobby or sport that brings you joy and lets you do all the things you love in your life.

Find a hobby or sport you love to do and do it, preferably with others. But you can also ride it solo if you want. Hang out with like-minded people so that you can have fun reaching goals in life together and having an overall wonderful time. This creates positive vibes that will infuse your life with more joy.

3. Practice giving yourself a compliment or two every day.

This is a crucial part of your recovery. You should try to give yourself a compliment at least once or twice per day. If you want to think positively, you are going to have to say positive things to yourself and build up your self-esteem and confidence. You will find that the more you can give yourself self-affirmation, the more you can enhance how you look at yourself and have a brighter and more positive outlook. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “You’re fantastic!” “You’re an amazing violinist!” “You’ve done such a good job!” Practice giving yourself more compliments. You will find that you will affirm yourself more and have more confidence. It will be great.

4. Think about every beautiful thing that has happened in your life. Remember the good times.

Go back to the beautiful memories that you have in your mind and recall with greater confidence what brought you joy in the past. Often, we have to be reminded about the things that we have experienced in our lives, including the things that once were difficult for us but then turned out to benefit us greatly. It is important to “let the good times roll” in the camera of our minds so that we can recall all the wonderful times that we have had in our lives and not dwell on the negative events that may have happened.

5. Express your positive feelings.

Another good thing that you can do is express your positive feelings to others. That includes smiling, laughing, shaking hands, or even hugging. Expressing positive emotions can brighten someone else’s day, and it can give you joy like never before. It will make a big difference in your life. It also lightens the mood and helps you to connect with others, which also helps everyone to experience good emotions.

6. Set daily goals that you can achieve.

It is important to be goal-driven in your life if you want to experience results that will be worth your while. A positive person sees how much they want to achieve more each day while following their goals and dreams. Being positive, you will find more joy and meaning in your life, which will do wonders for your self-confidence, self-esteem, and image. And when you have reached your goals, go out and celebrate. Have that glass of wine or pint of beer to peak your spirits.

7. Avoid multitasking.

One of the things that we tend to do in modern society is multitasking, and it does not do us any good. Instead of focusing on one task and doing it well, we end up doing a lot of tasks and don’t do them so well. The solution to this problem is to stop multitasking and do a lot of “mono-tasking.” It is much better. You shouldn’t try to do too many things at once. You’ll only do a few things well at once. The more you add to your plate, the more you will feel overwhelmed and burdened under the weight of it all. And you definitely don’t want to have that in your life. So stop opening ten tabs in your Google Chrome browser. Stop answering text messages while you are trying to work. It can wait. Believe me, it can. Do one thing at a time. You will see a difference.

8. Search for meaning and higher calling for your life.

Another thing you can do is to try to find a purpose for everything in your life. You might turn to religion, values, and ethics to find this purpose. Having a vocational purpose will be helpful to become a happier and more productive person who has a lot to contribute to this life. If you can deeply examine your life and say things like, “Why am I here? What’s my purpose?” then you can probe into life’s questions with an inquisitive attitude that makes you want to learn and grow. You can philosophically examine all different situations that you have been in and think about what you want to do in the future. It helps a lot.

9. Let go of the past and stop dwelling so much on negative thoughts.

Next, you should try to let go of the past failures, relationships, and all the things that are keeping you from moving forward. You should not dwell on the pessimistic side of life, but rather, be positive. Reflect on your accomplishments and value them, but don’t allow yourself to be mired by past guilt, failures, and other things that can bring you down. Instead, move on and stop thinking so much about it.

10. Envision a glorious future.

As you develop a mindset that no longer looks to the past for validation, you can look to the future that is ahead of you. Think about all the things that you hope to accomplish in your life. There are many things that you may want to do, so you should find the things that are fantastic and do them. Think about future possibilities and have a growth mindset that is willing to learn from every situation and improve because then you can live in the future and do a great job. You’re going to be awesome!

11. Cut out things that are not helping you in your life.

You should say no to all the stuff that is just plain garbage and is not going to contribute meaningfully to your life. That includes unnecessary things that you want to buy and junk food that you want to eat. You want to avoid things that are not benefiting you, so try your best to do these things.

12. Keep your home and workspace tidy and well-organized.

When you keep everything in your home neat and organized, then you will feel a lot better about yourself and everything that is in your home. There is nothing like a clean home or desk to make you feel good. You need to know that this will help lift your mood and make you feel at your best.

13. Tell someone, “I love you.”

This is something that is key to maintaining a love circle. You should tell someone you love, a close friend, or group that you love them. This includes guys and girls. There should be no gender discrimination and no homophobia in this matter. Love goes beyond all sexual things. It is about true love and friendship with others, and that is deep. When you tell someone that you love them, you infuse your body with a lot of positive feelings. There is no better set of words that is surely going to touch your heart and give you goosebumps than saying, “I love you.”

14. Notice when you are slipping into a negative thought pattern and try to bring yourself out of it.

One thing you should try to do is monitor your own thought processes and see if you start to think negatively. Then you should try to do something about it. Don’t simply stare out into space. Act! Get something done. Get some exercise, or do something productive. Get out of the house for a little while. Don’t let idleness trickle into your life and cause you stress and anxiety. Instead, be proactive in countering the negative thoughts that come crawling in your head. Try to react in a way that is almost militant so that you can get everything in your to-do list done.

15. Realize that you will have bad days, and that’s okay.

You can’t be positive every day. Let out the negative every once in a while. The last thing to realize is that you are not going to be positive all the time. Some days, you will want to be negative, and that’s okay. But you shouldn’t dwell on it too long. Get out all the negative energy that is taking up residence in your body and soul now. Release it to the wind. Let out some steam from time to time. It is healthy. Don’t feel like you need to repress it for a long time. You should rather get it out. Try to overcome all the negativity within and have a positive mindset, which can change the world.

Conclusion

To conclude, it is important to realize that the journey to becoming more positive is a process. It will not look the same way for each person. Some people will require more time to process and to get over past situations, but once they move on from difficult times, they can focus on how they can become more positive. It takes practice. If you are used to always being negative and dwelling on pessimistic thoughts in your head, it will take a little while for you to have positive thoughts running inside your mind. Be patient with yourself. Recognize that things can change, but it takes time. Also, you should look at the positive even when you feel worried about future events and possibilities. When you see the bright side of everything, you will feel happier.

At the end of the day, life is short. We have to take advantage of every opportunity to find joy and meaning in life because that is what is most important. It is not about having a big fancy job, a lot of money, or a lot of stuff. Rather, life is about appreciating the simple everyday treasures that it has to offer. That requires having a thankful heart that is willing to take in every moment and savor the goodness of it while finding time to say “thank you.” Once you do that, you will experience freedom and joy like never before. It will free you from all your anxieties and stress and lead you on your way to a more delightful and prosperous future. It will be a fantastic thing for your life.

Chapter 9: Practicing Positive Mindfulness

One way to reframe your negative thoughts is to practice mindfulness. You might be wondering, “What exactly is mindfulness?” You have probably heard about it before and want to explore the topic more.

It is actually a pretty simple concept that suggests that the mind is fully aware of what is happening, what you are doing, and the place that you are moving in. This may seem like a no-brainer, but the thing is we often go in different directions. Our brains have no way to focus on what’s important, so we lose ourselves in obsessing over what has happened in the past or think too much about what will happen in the future. Then we become anxious about a situation.

Mindfulness is being completely present in a situation and conscious of our surroundings. When we are mindful, we are aware of what we are doing, and we do not react too much to the circumstances in which we find ourselves. We stay in control of ourselves whatever is occurring around us.

Mindfulness is a practice learned through different techniques—for example, applying mindfulness in the way we sit, walk, and stand. We can also combine mindfulness with different meditation activities.

Mindfulness reduces stress and gives us time to stop judging our surroundings. It releases our natural curiosity about the world around us, and we approach everything with gentleness and warmth (Cullen et al., 2014).

What Is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is not some exotic practice like Buddhist meditation. It is something that we have already implemented in our lives. It is a state of being. It is something that can be taught and cultivated (Cullen et al., 2014).

To use it, you don’t have you to change your personality. Mindfulness helps us to appreciate who we are and be the best version of ourselves in the world. We don’t have to change our personality and do something radically different.

Anyone can practice mindfulness. Because mindfulness focuses on universal human values and characteristics, we don’t have to modify our belief systems. Everyone can enjoy its benefits, and it can be easily learned.

It is a lifestyle. Mindfulness involves more than just doing it. It involves every aspect of our lives, and it is a way that we can live our lives to make everything a bit better than before (Cullen et al., 2014).

It is proven to work by science. Science has proven that this method works well and gives positive health benefits for everything. It contributes to our personal life and meaningful relationships with others.

Mindfulness can transform society. Because mindfulness can spark a certain level of creativity, it helps people to be innovative and create new solutions to the world’s problems (Cullen et al., 2014).

It is essential that a person becomes aware of their feelings. This is a skill that can be acquired through therapy sessions, such as dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which provide training and support to patients who are dealing with mental illness. However, the same could be applied to other people who are dealing with different issues, including worry and anxiety.

Here are some strategies that are used in the process of guided meditation and mindfulness.

Observation

Observation is the first ability to cultivate when doing mindfulness. In this part, the person should become aware of their own thoughts, situations, behaviors, and emotions without wanting to change them. Instead of trying to change these things, the person merely collects data from what they are experiencing. This skill includes note-taking to write down all that is happening around a person (Arnold, 2008).

Description

Having observed their surroundings, a person can describe the situation, feeling, or behavior. With more description of these things, a person can develop a more empathetic attitude and exercise their self-control. During this phase of mindfulness, the person will look at the situation objectively while collecting data and separate the facts from what they perceive to be true (Arnold, 2008).

Participation

The third skill to be acquired is participation in the current moment. Once the person has become aware of their surroundings, they can be present in the moment and live in that every day in a positive way (Arnold, 2008).

It is vital that a person develops the skill of mindfulness to promote a better life with less worry and hassle. Using formal mindfulness, a person can become more aware of situations. For example, when a person holds their breath, they can observe different breathing patterns and what is going on in the body. How fast or slow is the person breathing? Also, you could go on a walk in the countryside to become more aware of your senses. You might heed the sights and sounds of all the things that surround you, including the sound of the grass that is blowing, the leaves on the trees rustling, or the sound of cows mooing. You might also notice the dripping of rain or the chirping of birds in the trees.

You can practice mindfulness anywhere. You do not have to be with a therapist or psychologist to practice it. You might be sitting in a meeting room, trying to focus on what your boss is saying to everyone when, all of a sudden, you start to worry that you left your heat on at your home. That got your attention, and now you are very concerned. But when you practice mindfulness, you can get back to what you were focusing on and get out of that cycle of worry.

Mindfulness enables you to get rid of the distractions that are bothering you and then brings your attention back to the task that you are completing. You begin to notice the disturbances in your experience and within you and then you go back to what you were doing. You should recognize what is distracting you and think of ways you can get yourself back in the game again with whatever you are trying to focus your energy on.

Tips to Help You Practice Mindfulness

1. Think about only one task at a time.

To do mindfulness properly, you will need to think about each task separately. Don’t try to do too much at one time. You should think about each thing that you have to do to reduce the risk of making mistakes during an activity.

2. Make your observations by talking out loud.

One way of looking outside of yourself is by externalizing your experiences. This includes talking to yourself. When you notice something, say it out loud. Voicing your thoughts gets you outside of your internal self.

3. Make detailed notes of your distractions.

Next, you should notice when you begin to drift or nod off during situations. Take note of these things and write them down so that you can be more proactive about them in the future. Be aware of your situation, but try not to be reactive.

4. Be kind to yourself.

When you do mindfulness in the comfort of your own home or elsewhere, you have to take care of yourself, but it may take time to get used to it and to develop it. But once you are kind to yourself and give yourself the chance to become accustomed to it, then you will enter into a more tranquil state of being.

Techniques to Use to Practice Mindfulness

There are many techniques that you can try to apply the principles of mindfulness to your life. The following methods will help you to de-stress and worry less and will enable you to feel a lot better about your life.

Meditation

This seems like a no-brainer, but it is going to help you relax and enjoy your surroundings as you become more attuned to what you are doing in the present moment. Take a moment to get an exercise mat, sit on the floor, and close your eyes. Get a candle and light it and play some quiet meditative music that will help you to engage your heart and mind to something that will quiet your soul. Allow yourself to unplug from the worries and cares of this life. Then you can think of things that will get you out of the stressful situations of your everyday routine.

Audio Recordings and Guided Meditation

In this meditation, a recording is used to guide you through the meditation. The recording tells you what you should think about during the meditation, and usually, there is some soft music playing in the background. You can do this technique while you are in a dark room where there is not a lot of noise. In addition, you can use some noise-canceling headphones to remove the background noise from your ears.

Raisin Exercise

When you do this exercise, you can use any kind of food, but let us use the example of a raisin. You take a raisin and describe how it looks, feels, smells, and tastes. As you look at it, focus on what is in the present moment.

Full Body Scan

In this exercise, you concentrate on each part of your body. It is almost as if you are doing a full body scan. You lie on your back or sit still. At the beginning of the exercise, you focus on your breathing, including how you inhale and exhale. Then the therapist or someone else will show you how to think about each part of the body and how it feels. The full body scan will go from the head to the neck to the chest and all the way down to the knees and eventually all the way down to the feet.

Mindfulness and Observation

For this exercise, you can look outside your window and look at everything that you see there. Instead of naming the objects you can see, like a leaf, tree, bird, or dog, you should take note of the colors, images, and other shapes and figures out there. You should pay attention to the sounds, such as rain falling, grass blowing in the breeze, and others. Try to stay concentrated on the task and don’t get distracted by your cell phone or other media. If you need to take a break, get away for a few minutes. Take a brief walk or go to the bathroom if you need to. Then come back to it.

Mindfulness and Listening

Mindful listening can help you think about the things that you are worried about and try to think about the future. You can do this with other people. Often, this can take place as group therapy in which each person shares about their experiences. You reflect on how you are sharing with others and then talk together about the various issues you are facing.

Self-Compassion Break

Showing yourself some compassion is one of the best ways to feel better about the stresses of life. When you find yourself burdened about the various situations that you are in, then you can close your eyes, breathe in and out, and then embrace yourself or give yourself a big hug. Then you can say some encouraging words to yourself, such as, “I know your life is hard. You’re going through a tough time these days, but you are doing a good job of holding yourself together. I love you! You’re awesome!” It is important to practice giving yourself a pep talk, which will help you get through any curveball that is thrown at you.

Hold-and-Stretch Exercise

Another thing you can try is to hold and stretch your muscles and tense them, which causes you to feel uptight. You can then put pressure on different muscle groups and think about each part of your body. Then you can get rid of the stress and tension even after a few seconds of doing it.

Mindful Eating Habits

When you are practicing mindfulness, it is important to consider what is going into your mouth. This method involves thinking about what you are eating. Before putting the food in your mouth, put it in your hands and feel it. Notice how it feels, looks, smells, and tastes. Eat slowly and notice every aspect of the tasting experience. It will be amazing how you feel afterward because you have looked at every part of your food experience and are mindful of what you are eating.

Reflect on Your Own Thoughts

This is an exercise in breathing that helps you to be in tune with what you are thinking. Consider the ideas that are coming out of your own head and then make judgments about each one of them. If your mind becomes distracted, try to guide yourself gently and kindly back to your meditation.

Anger Management

Mindfulness can help you when you are prone to going off the edge when you feel like you are about to snap from some situation. With this technique, you can calm your emotions and feel better (Cullen et al., 2016). First, you should sit up in your chair. Make sure your feet are touching the floor below. You should do some deep breathing. Think about a recent experience of anger when you are able or unable to cope with the situation. Remember the strong feeling that came over you at that time and your body’s response to the anger.

Notice how your body is tense or stressed and look at what is happening physiologically in your body. Then say some kind words to yourself. Say, “It is okay to be angry. Don’t worry too much. It is going to be okay. It will pass.” Then rid yourself of anger by saying, “Goodbye, anger.” As soon as you focus on your breathing again, then you can calm down and let it go. It should also be used to help you avoid exploding. You should start using mindfulness in the milder episodes of anger and then gradually go up to the more explosive episodes.

Stare at a Circle and Think

This final exercise allows you to slow down your thinking and focus on just one thing. You can look at a circle. Reflect on your thoughts and how you are thinking about something and then assess if it is valid or plausible or not.

Case Study

Henry (17) was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and he also had an acute anxiety disorder. Many times, he would become upset and get angry because he was not as fast as other students and would become distracted. Sometimes, he would get mad or even have nervous breakdowns at school. Sometimes, he would explode in the middle of the classroom. Often, his teacher would send him out of the classroom until he could pull himself back together. Later, Henry’s parents took him to a psychologist to find out what was going on. The doctor recommended that Henry practice mindfulness to help his condition.

With his therapist, Henry practiced mindfulness. In one exercise, he would do a hold-and-stretch. He would flex his muscles, close his eyes, and count to twenty. He focused on how he was breathing. That way, he could take a timeout whenever he felt like he might go over the edge. He was able to manage his temper tantrums and nervous breakdowns successfully by going to therapy sessions with his therapist. In addition, Henry went to group therapy meetings where he could meet other young adults struggling with the same condition. This step helped him a lot to get on the right track. After six months of being in the program, Henry got things under control, and he felt like he could go about his life free from worry and anxiety.

Conclusion

It is evident that mindfulness can help you manage the various difficulties and challenges of daily life. The preceding techniques can help you be attuned with how you are feeling about everyday life and concentrate on one thing at a time. One key technique is focusing on breathing and the present moment. By pausing and taking a timeout from everything, you can think about your own thinking and practice self-compassion to calm yourself down. You can practice these things while at home or anywhere you may be. These techniques can even be practiced at work or in school. Try it out today.

Chapter 10: Applying a Minimalist Attitude toward Relationships

Our relationships seem to be one of the things that cause us stress. They can cause us a lot of anxiety, whether or not we are aware of it. What we have to learn is how we can apply a certain level of limitations to our relationships with others. Then we can have a better work-life balance and more fun with the people we love, and leave the meaningless relationships out the door. That will help us to move forward with greater proactivity and happiness.

Who do you spend the most time with? Your spouse or significant other? Your kids? Your friends? We all have people with whom we spend a lot of time. The majority of our relationships depend on a certain level of proximity. Consequently, we tend to spend more time with the people who are physically closest to us, whether we like it or not. Some relationships in our lives are fruitful and beneficial to us, while others are like bad fruit that rots. Let’s see how we can maximize the relationships that we have and get rid of the ones that are hindering us from moving forward. Such is a minimalist perspective to doing relationships.

Types of Relationships

Love Relationships

Did you know that the rate of divorce is steadily increasing over time? Why? Many times, people divorce because they don’t know the other person very well. Once they discover some irreconcilable differences, then a lot of problems arise. Many things cause divorces to happen, including an unbalanced work-life situation and infidelity, among other things. The demands of daily life can often prove to be too much for a love relationship.

How can minimalism benefit a love relationship?

When you apply a principle of simplicity to your love relationship, then you can greatly reduce the risk of something going wrong. You will see how your marriage can get stronger. Also, you will be able to control your finances more easily in a marriage. Many people get a divorce because of financial problems. However, if you can take account of your finances, then your money worries may go away.

Once you have taken over your finances, you can focus on how to communicate effectively and efficiently. Nothing can remain hidden. Everything is out and obvious to everyone. Then you will also feel that life is less stressful, as you will be living with a simpler lifestyle, which is helpful to your overall well-being. Having controlled your finances and with a good relationship, you will not worry about anything.

Finally, with a minimalist love relationship, you will be supporting one another in all areas. When you can support your significant other in their values, you contribute to their success and development. Also, you learn about what it means to be less selfish and more altruistic. It is a good thing to make a better relationship (Becker, n.d.).

Family Relationships

The relationship that we have that we didn’t choose is with our family, and it is one of the most vital relationships in our lives. Because family life can be a difficult place to be with relational brokenness, it is appropriate to want to improve our relationships with family members. It is essential to forge harmonious bonds with your family members. Through living a minimalist lifestyle, you and your family can live a healthy and happy life.

When a family lives a minimalist lifestyle, there is less stress and rivalry that can break it up. Because you have less stuff to fight over, you will have fewer problems. When you choose to own less, your living conditions will improve dramatically. Everyone will soon be okay with having fewer things in their closets.

Minimalism in families gives the members the chance to be together and spend in fellowship with one another. When your family chooses to be minimalist, you will realize that being together as a family will help you to have a happier and more meaningful life together.

Kids

Busyness in the lives of parents can cause them to be neglectful of their children, and it can lead to many problems for the family. We see more children being raised in single-parent households. Kids can become resentful of this situation and become rebellious as they come to hate their parents with a passion. Eventually, it can lead to societal problems in which kids become monsters that are not able to function as adults one day.

How can minimalism help you with your kids?

When you choose to be minimalist, you can have a better life with your kids, and you can show them the love and care that they deserve. You enjoy the benefits of a simpler lifestyle and a harmonious home environment.

By embracing minimalism, we buy fewer things for our children because we no longer see stuff as something that is essential to our happiness. We also don’t have to live like the neighbor next door who keeps buying their kids all the newest video games. Let’s simply get rid of the concept of “keeping up with the Joneses.” It only causes us stress and anxiety.

When we choose to live a simpler lifestyle, we effectively show our children that we can live within our means. This can be a powerful influence on children, who realize that they must choose to stay out of debt and live a more successful life. Children can be shown how to use money wisely, which will give them the key to becoming financially well off later in their lives (Becker, n.d.).

When we greatly simplify our lives by devoting ourselves to less stuff (both schedule-wise and material possessions), we can live a freer and happier life.

Friends

As social creatures, we spend a lot of time hanging out with our friends. Our friends may be the life of the party and want to hang out and get wasted on the weekends. Or they may be the quieter type who would prefer to meet at cafes and have a coffee or tea. What we have to ask ourselves is, how many of the “friendships” that we have are true and genuine?

Many of our relationships are shallow and superficial. What you see on the outside is what you get. You could spend moments, years, or even decades with a person and still not fully know who they are. Although most friendships develop around a common interest, such as basketball or some other sport, many people do not form a close relationship with anyone.

When we apply a minimalist perspective to our friendships, we can get rid of the non-essential in our lives, and we can get rid of fake friends.

Why should you get rid of fake friends?

There are numerous people in our lives who are fake friends. They may appear on the outside to be friendly and hospitable, but internally, they hate us. They spread lies and gossip about us behind our backs. It is a terrible reality to be in. However, what can we do to rid ourselves of these useless relationships? The best solution is to get rid of the overtly negative relationships in our lives. Just say no (Millburn, n.d.).

Keep ties with close friends.

By getting rid of the fake friends in our lives, we have the time and energy to devote to the people who are genuine and kind and can speak truth into our lives. True friends support one another through difficult times and the best of times. They provide support to you and maintain the same value system as you do. So the relationship blossoms and flourishes.

Colleagues

The next type of relationship that we have to maintain is with our colleagues. It is likely that we spend more time with our colleagues than any other person in our lives. We work with them and do things alongside them at all times. If we get along with the people that we work with, it can be a beneficial thing for us. On the other hand, if we don’t get along with our colleagues or if we have too many relationships, we can put ourselves in a situation where we are stressed and anxious. Therefore, we should apply a minimalist perspective on colleagues and relationships.

How can you be a good minimalist colleague?

First of all, you should communicate directly with your colleagues. This means not emailing the person who is sitting in the cubicle right next to you. Rather, you go up to their desk and have a head-to-head conversation.

Secondly, it’s important to pick up the slack from a colleague who is struggling or having a hard time. You have to help each other at different times. Allow yourself to be mentored by others but also give yourself the time to help your colleagues in whatever situation they may be in.

Thirdly, it is important that you are not indebted to the other person. You should only be able to show kindness and care from a colleague that you want to receive yourself. In Korean culture, this is also known as jeong, in which people constantly owe something to the other person. For example, someone buys you lunch, and then you buy the coffee. The process becomes messy and complicated when you constantly owe the other person something. However, when you simplify the matter, then no one owes anyone anything, and it greatly simplifies the matter.

Having now looked at the different kinds of relationships and how we can make them simpler and more minimalist, let’s look at the principles that define a minimalist’s approach to doing relationships (Todd, n.d.).

Principles of a Minimalist Approach to Doing Relationships

1. Less is more.

In his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle talked about how most of our relationships are based on utility and convenience and are empty of any value. However, when we hold on to the one or two valuable relationships, we place an importance on those relationships that contribute to our overall well-being. When you can focus on a few really good relationships, you’ll enjoy your life a lot more because you’ll worry less about what others think of you and think more about how you can live a happier life.

2. Let go of toxic relationships.

The second thing that you must do is get rid of every toxic relationship that is a bad influence in your life. One example of this kind of relationship is when a person sucks all the energy out of your life and plays the needy victim. Victims play the role of the victimizer, and they zap you of your needed resources. Eventually, they will take every trace of life from you if you are not careful. Victimizers can also become the center of our lives. And when that happens, you cannot do what you want to do because you have to take care of a very needy person. Instead of holding on to this toxic relationship, you should try to get rid of it as soon as possible. Surely, it will be difficult for you to relinquish your hold on this relationship because you may have invested a lot of time and energy into it, but it will be better to get rid of it sooner rather than later.

3. Be true to other people.

In today’s world, an authentic man or woman is to be exalted. Being real is something that people in society need to do to live better lives. Being a con artist and lying to others is something that is easy, manipulative, and evil; but our world is filled with such people. It harms your image, and it can also hurt your soul. One of the best things that you can do for yourself and for others is to be true to yourself and to other people. This way produces less stress and enables you to live a life that is going to bring you greater happiness in the end. If you want to be a true leader or manager, authenticity is increasingly important because people look up to you and trust you to do your job the right way. If you don’t do that, they may look elsewhere for work. The basic principle that should underlie all of this is to never compromise on principles in your life.

4. Live your life in relation to the here and now.

Humans tend to look to the distant past and hold feelings of unforgiveness, or they think endlessly about the future. Both of these methods are not at all productive. We must keep our eyes focused on present circumstances, and this applies to our relationships. There is no better way to help a friend than to be for them here and now. Your friends need you now. Your wife or husband needs you now, and your kids need you now. Don’t waste too much of your time surfing the web, working, or doing other things. Instead, you should prize the relationships that you have at this moment and not compromise on them for anything.

5. Get rid of unreasonable expectations of others.

Another thing that you need to do is to release the burdensome expectations that you have of other people. This is an essential part of your friendship or love relationship. When you maintain clear and reasonable expectations for your relationship, you will experience a smoother and easier relationship with whomever. Many people have unreasonable expectations of their spouse, significant other, or friend. This will only lead to heartbreak and friction in the relationship. Breakups and divorce can be the worst result of these expectations. Therefore, it is crucial to maintain good relationships with others while getting rid of the unreasonable expectations we may have of other people.

6. Connect with your friend or partner deeply.

In relationships, it is crucial that you go deep rather than seeking more. When you get to know someone deeply, it will require a significant investment of time and energy. Most of our relationships will be based on a shallow level, and they will disappear when the person goes out of our life. It could be that the person moves away from us or a work situation changes. In true relationships with others, permanence should be a key marker of the relationship. Do you spend most of your time talking to your friend about sports, Netflix, or something else superficial, or do you spend more time talking about deeper and more philosophical things? It is worth finding out more about how you can spend more time on the deeper things of life, rather than dwelling on the fruitless and meaningless things that simply don’t matter. Going deep will help you to have deeper connections with people.

7. Focus on shared experiences.

Spending time with friends, family, or other people in our lives allows us to have shared experiences that will last a lifetime. When you make the most of these times together, you can create amazing memories. Such memories will remain in your mind and heart for a long time. These memories are more important than the material stuff we acquire. They will point us to something deeper inside of us that we can share.

8. Intentionality.

Having intentionality is an important aspect of creating good relationships. When you are intentional about your different relationships, you can have smoother and more effective communication, which will help your relationships get off the ground in a better way. Find a purpose for spending time with your friend or partner, and you will find that the time spent will be helpful to get you in the right place. Intentionality is going to improve your friendships, love relationships, and family relationships.

9. Love your neighbor.

The way to pursue a meaningful relationship with another person is through love. This is not the kind of erotic love that we are accustomed to thinking about. Instead, it is a concept of human love that applies universally. It is a love for a brother or neighbor that defines how a person can live a more meaningful life. Love should permeate your interactions with other people. It also makes things a lot prettier and less messy because what defines your relationship is what you can give to the relationship rather than what you can get from it. This makes it a less stressful kind of relationship.

10. Pursue relationships with passion.

One final point is that we need to pursue our relationships with passion. We should not settle for less than excellence. Pursuing relationships requires dedication and commitment. Many people don’t like to commit to things because they are afraid or too busy, but you can stand out from the crowd and commit to a relationship, whether that is with a friend or significant other, and that can be an amazing thing for your life. So find things that you can do to spice up your life by associating yourself with wonderful people who will be beneficial to you and who can help you down the road to success in your life.

Conclusion

As we look at relationships through the lens of minimalism, we can see that prioritizing relationships is an important part of how we can live a more fruitful and abundant life. It is only through being intentional and having fewer relationships that we can give the most attention to the people in our lives who matter the most. Furthermore, it is vital that we connect with others who are different from us and may not speak or act the same way as we do. The beauty of diversifying our relationships is that we can invest in different people in different ways. It is a beautiful thing.

Chapter 11: Determining What Is Important to You

The next thing in line for us to do is to figure out what is important to us and what we can treasure because where the treasure is, there our heart is also. Finding out what is important to you will help you to live a life that is free of anxiety and worry. The most important thing to keep in mind is your priorities. What are the most important things in your life? And then you can stick to those things and do your best with them.

Think of the Top Ten Most Important Things to You and Write Them on a Piece of Paper

The first thing that you have to do when you prioritize is think of the top ten things on your list that you want to be put in the first place. You have to think of all the things that you do every day and see which one of them is the most important. Rank them in order from most important to least important, and then you will see which one takes priority out of all of them. Prioritizing is a difficult thing to do because sometimes we think everything is important in our lives and that we need to get things done this way. However, we absolutely must value the most important things and leave the other less important things to be done later or not at all.

Here’s an example of a priority list:

1. faith/spirituality

2. family

3. friends

4. colleagues

5. food and health

6. fitness

7. hobbies: fishing and sports

8. money

9. looks

10. clothing

On this list, you can analyze the different things that take top priority, including faith and spirituality and family and friends. You have to place the most important things at the top of the list. These things become the non-negotiable items that you cannot take away. You must always take care of these items and not neglect them.

Get Rid of Unnecessary Things That Are “Up for Discussion”

The next thing to do is to get rid of the things that are “up for discussion,” which are things that are causing you anxiety and stress and taking up too much of your time. You have to get rid of these things because they will suck the energy and life out of you. Things that are not on the non-negotiable list can be considered holistically and given priority when you need it to be.

The Result: You Feel Happy and Worry Less

The result of prioritizing includes a mindset that worries less and feels happier. When you can write down all the things that are most important to you, then you won’t feel the need to worry about anything. You will feel better and more secure. No need to worry about tomorrow; it will worry about itself. Just think about today and what you can do to make today the best it can be.

Case Study

Jill wanted to start prioritizing her life because she realized that she had countless things to do on her list. It was becoming a lot more unmanageable for her. The workload was steadily getting worse, and she started to fall behind on the basic tasks that she had to do each week. What’s more, she was unable to attend date nights with her boyfriend at the time because she was too busy to do anything else. Jill recognized that this was a problem, and she wanted to address it as soon as possible. However, it was something that she continued to procrastinate about. How could she get her priorities together? Suddenly, out of the blue, she got ill, causing her to slow down significantly. As she was recovering from her illness, Jill realized she was doing too much and that she needed to take hold of the things that were most important to her life. So what she did was she prioritized all the things on her list that she needed to do, and she did only what needed to be done and left everything else for later. She prioritized her relationship with her boyfriend and family and made those at the top of her list. Work came next and then her friends. Slowly but surely, she was able to get things back into a proper balance in her life, which made things much better for her. Jill could do everything that she set out to do and achieved her goals. All was well.

Conclusion

You really have to choose your battles in your life. What are you going to make your greatest challenge, and what are you going to do to maintain balance in your life? It is ultimately up to you how you achieve that. By prioritizing your life, you can see immediate results, which will make the difference between having a stressed and busy life and having a balanced and busy life. There is an important distinction. You have to discover the difference for yourself and honor it. Then you can live a life that you fully savor for a lifetime.

Chapter 12: Pursuing Your Goals and Not Worrying about Anything

Many Americans greatly dislike their jobs, and they go to work with feelings of dread every day. Many millennials are unable to buy a house because they still have student loan debt that they may not be able to pay off in their lifetime. Americans also feel the need to work hard simply to make ends meet, so people work two or sometimes three jobs. Numerous people are unable to do jobs that suit their interests, which results in unhappiness and lack of enjoyment of life.

Most people want more money. They want enough money to survive and then some more to allow them to save for retirement and enjoy a carefree life. In truth, however, more and more people are struggling to have a motivation that keeps them going to work every day. As a result, they end up hating their jobs. More people are searching for the next best thing in life because they are so unsatisfied with what they already have and they have lost their passion with their current job. Moreover, they feel more stressed and burdened than ever before because they cannot achieve what they want in their lives.

The Answer to the Problem of Money: Find Your Vocation

There is one thing that we can do to solve this problem, and that is to find a vocation. We need to encourage people to find their vocation—something that brings them joy and meaning in their lives. Our lives are too short for us to waste it on trivialities, such as money, success, and fame. Instead, we should be thinking of all the ways that we can maximize the good that we can do for society. We should not waste our lives in a workplace or job that we hate just because we want to prepare for retirement later in our lives. Why delay happiness by being miserable in our current work? That seems like such a sad existence. Instead of worrying about where all the “dough” is coming from, we need to focus on what makes us tick and what gives us passion. That’s where we can set good goals for ourselves and achieve everything that we imagined that we could do. Once we tap into the things that keep us going, we can feel happy and satisfied.

It is unfortunate that too many people go through their lives and never discover what they are truly passionate about. Instead of pursuing jobs that uniquely fit them and their passions, they take on dead-end jobs that suck their soul but give them money to pay their bills. However, they don’t feed their soul with meaningful work. It is true that we have to do a lot of uninspiring and mind-numbing work at some point in our lives because those tasks matter to the world, but they should not be everything to people. They don’t necessarily contribute to our overall emotional well-being or happiness. Instead, they are a means to an end. There are more absences at work these days due to workers being sick. Many people are stressed and burned out from all the work they have to do. Stress literally zaps the energy out of people, which makes for very unhappy workers. Because people are missing more work due to sickness, they have to take more prescription medication to cope with it. So, they pop pills like crazy. Not to mention there is a mental health crisis in America, which has resulted in more diagnoses of psychological disorders. People are under more stress than ever before. Additionally, people are not doing things that give wind to their sails that let them fly away and feel happier.

What Motivates You?

What makes you feel motivated? Is it going home and numbing out to Dungeons and Dragons or a video game after work? Do you look forward to your vacations as if you are dying to get out of the office? Are you bored with your job? Do you dread gloomy Mondays? Your answers to these questions will help you to get on the right track to finding meaningful work for your life, which will contribute to your happiness and fulfillment.

As you think about your motivation, you need to think about the things that will make you happy in the long run. What talent or special skills do you possess that will be helpful to a job? What interests do you have that can help benefit you in your desired position? Think about the things that light you on fire and help you to contribute to others and their development, and then you will experience a better life.

Write Down Your Goals and Prioritize Them

The next step is to write down all your goals and prioritize them. Remember that you need to discover what it is that helps you get up in the morning. What is it that keeps you going? What drives you? You have to consider deeply what you want to do with your life and how you are going to live for you and your unique goals and aspirations. Don’t let anyone get in the way of your life. You should do everything that will help you become the best version of yourself.

Think about your goals and then prioritize the ones you want to accomplish each day of your life. Apply the SMART formula. SMART provides a good guideline for how you can achieve your dreams. SMART goals are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. They allow you to take each part of the goal and define your goals to make it easier for you to do all that you set out to do and get more done.

The way to set your goals and targets should be measured in a specific way. Let’s look at an example of how this can work in practical terms. Look at the following worksheet.

Setting Goals—Case Study: Daniel

Specific

Set a specific goal for your future.

Q: What exactly do you want to achieve?

A: I want to get my paper accepted into five different conferences where I can speak and share my ideas with other people. In addition, I want to get my article published in an academic journal in Japan.

Q: Where?

A: This project will be completed in Japan.

Q: How?

A: This project will be carried out by speaking at conferences and writing a manuscript to be submitted to a journal in Japan.

Q: When?

A: I want to complete this goal this year.

Q: With whom?

A: I will do this project completely on my own and independently.

Q: What are the conditions and limitations?

A: There are currently no limitations that should help me to achieve this goal because I am set to achieve the target very soon.

Q: Why exactly do you want to reach this goal?

A: I want to achieve this goal because I would like to return to the United States and begin an academic career by doing a Ph.D. in second language education, and I would, therefore, want to be accomplished in my work and have many achievements that I can highlight on my CV.

Measurable

Q: How do you want to measure that you have achieved this goal?

A: This goal will be measured by the following: (1) the acceptance of the talks and getting to speak at conferences and (2) getting a publication in a journal.

Attainable

Q: Is your goal realistic? Can you reasonably achieve this goal (within this timeframe)?

A: Yes, this goal is realistic because I have a plan for carrying out each part of the project, and it will be achievable. Therefore, it will work out well, and I will be able to do all the things that I set out to do.

Relevant

Q: Do you really need to reach this goal? Is it relevant to your life?

A: Yes, this goal is necessary for me to achieve my goals and I want to do it because I need each part of this process to make me into a stand-out candidate for graduate school applications.

Q: Why do you want to reach this goal?

A: I want to achieve this goal because I want to become an educational researcher in a university setting and do teacher training.

Q: What is the objective behind the goal?

A: I want to gain professional experience.

Q: Will this goal really achieve that?

A: Yes

Timely

Set deadlines for how you can achieve this goal.

April 2019: acceptance #1 to conference

May 2019: acceptance #2 to conference

June 2019: acceptance to a journal

This example shows you how you can accurately measure your goals and achieve whatever you set out to do. It is important that you set goals that can fit in the SMART model because then you will easily know when and how you can achieve your goal. Then you won’t have to worry about anything because you are doing everything step-by-step, and it will soon be like autopilot, which enables you to do what you want to do when you want to. It is such an empowering thing for your life.

What Does It Mean to Find Your Vocation and Achieve All Your Goals?

“Vocation” comes from the Latin word vocare, which means “to be called to do something.” When you have a calling, you are not just doing a job or work, but you are also doing something that is meaningful and fulfilling to you.

Perhaps, you are called to be a music teacher. You find all the avenues where you can teach music—whether that is at home as a private teacher, in an ensemble at a church, or for another organization. Because music is your vocation, you try to do as much of it as possible. You love it, and it brings you a lot of joy in your life.

Alternatively, if you like to play basketball, you might enjoy coaching basketball games, and you might be meant to be a coach.

Or you might be a person who loves languages and is bilingual. If you have a knack for translation, you might be meant to be a translator. A job becomes your calling when you feel uniquely fit for the role, so there is seamless integration.

What job do you feel called to do? Is there something nagging at your heart that you want to achieve but think it’s too hard or won’t make enough money? Think about the passion that has been laid on your heart. Think about whether or not you are called to be in your current job. Let’s now look at some case studies on this topic.

Case Study #1

Jason was a man who felt he was called to be a heart surgeon and a doctor. He had a vision for his life. Early on, he realized that he liked to help people and wanted people to experience healing from diseases in the heart.

When he was young, he would take care of his sick relatives and seek answers to common problems, which he would do by studying WebMD and other resources in addition to his medical studies. Jason understood that he had a love for modern medicine and felt a calling to help other people.

He had lost several of his relatives to cancer and heart disease, which was personally devastating to him. As a result, he desired deeply to find the cure to heart disease and other illnesses that affect the heart. Jason would have a vision of going to medical school to become a cardiologist. He studied hard and always went for an A in his classes, and he attempted to get into the medical schools across the country.

Jason still had high goals for himself. He was the first son in a family that had three boys. He always knew that he had to set the example for his brothers, so he was driven to succeed and achieve all the things that he set out to do. After four years of medical school and four more years of residency, he was finally able to live out his dream of being a cardiologist at the age of 30. He was able to achieve his lifelong goal, and it was amazing when it happened. This achievement was a wonderful feat. After all the hard work and dedication, he was finally able to take on the job that he felt that he was born and called to do.

Now, he works in private practice as a cardiologist and is on-call at the local hospital. He continues to help others who are in need and is in the fight to get rid of the diseases that are killing millions of people. He aims to be a warrior against different diseases. With the work that continues to be a driving force in his life, he couldn’t feel happier.

Case Study #2

Jennifer was a bright young girl. She had a near-photographic memory. She could remember nearly everything that she had ever read or studied. She could remember many small details about things that most people would be unable to recall. From an early age, Jennifer was fascinated with reading literature and history. She would do advanced research on different topics and search the Internet for answers to her deepest questions, and then she would retell everyone the stories that she read about online.

She had a great time relaying the information over to others. Her teachers were amazed by her talents and skills that they thought she should go to a top-notch university and do well there.

Jennifer would go on to win academic contests and debate competitions. She would get straight As on her report card and then go to the University of Georgia with a merit scholarship to study literature and history. With her near-encyclopedic knowledge of the humanities and passion for helping people, Jennifer wanted to enter into the public humanities profession. Eventually, after she completed her bachelor’s degree, she went on to do her Ph.D. in public humanities from a well-regarded institution.

In addition to her studies, Jennifer worked for a nonprofit organization and continued her research on the history of Atlanta. She wanted to preserve all the aspects of history that seemed to be going away with time. Saddened by the level of pollution and decay in different parts of the city, she wanted to restore old buildings, deteriorated structures, and other architectural features.

She worked tirelessly to develop new architectural projects that would improve the edifice of different buildings in the area. She finally realized that history and literature were not only her work but also her vocation. With her Ph.D. work and research in full swing, she went on to complete her life goal of restoring communities, and she was very happy to share her expertise with others.

Case Study #3

When Ted was young, he enjoyed acting and singing. He could get up in front of a crowd and do his own one-man show, and people loved it. When people saw him acting on stage, they knew of his presence. It was invigorating and enticing. Inside of him, however, Ted was quiet and shy. He would hardly talk to anyone outside of his work. He separated himself from other boys.

Ted struggled deeply with depressed feelings on a daily basis. Additionally, he had trouble making good grades, so he became further disheartened by his life. Then Ted lost his motivation to do anything because he felt that he was unable to use his gifts, and he thought that teachers did not appreciate his talents. Instead, his teachers told his parents: “Ted isolates himself at times from other students. He does not play with others. Additionally, he does not bother to do his homework, and he disengages from his school work. I think that he needs to work on improving his social skills.”

These comments were terrible for Ted to hear. He could not believe that his teachers were not trying to understand him. The teachers did not want to even acknowledge his talent for acting and singing. Mr. John, however, had been a huge supporter of Ted. He saw that Ted had amazing gifts. He wanted Ted to reach his full potential, so he encouraged him to follow his dream to become an actor.

Eight years later, Ted went to an audition in New York for Rent, a Broadway musical, and he landed a key role in the musical. Ted walked into the audition and nailed it. It was amazing how it happened, but it was all thanks to his hard work and dedication, which paid off in the end.

Ted could never let go of his dream. He understood that deep within him, he needed to go after his vocation of acting and singing. He was born to be a singer and actor, an entertainer on Broadway. He did all of this with the sacrifices that must be made, and he achieved what he had always wanted to do. He said, “Take that, haters!” as he recalled his years with the teachers who did not want to help him out and didn’t see his potential.

Later, Ted would start to star in different independent films and commercials. He achieved his dream, and it was a feat of his imagination that became a reality. In the end, Ted was happy and didn’t have to worry about a thing in his life.

Case Study #4

When he was young, Richard knew that he wanted to be an Italian professor. He had known that from a young age. He spoke fluent Italian and had picked up the language effortlessly throughout his language courses. He had studied very hard in his Italian classes and surpassed all the other students in his speaking level. He could even write in Italian at the advanced level.

In the same classroom as the other students, Richard was bored out of his mind because the other classmates were too far behind him. He read lots of Italian books to fill the time in his class, and then the teacher would even have him teach the class at times!

After graduating from high school, Richard went on to do advanced studies in Italian and art history. And even there, he remained a top Italian speaker. One summer, he traveled to Middlebury, Vermont, to attend the Summer Language Schools, where he would do an intensive summer course and speak Italian for six straight weeks. It was going to be the challenge of his life. However, after he had finished that course, he came home exhausted but ready to speak Italian very well. He learned more about Italian in those six short but intensive weeks than in all the years he had studied before that time. It was an incredible experience for him. When he graduated, he prepared to spend a year in Italy, doing an art museum curator internship in Rome. He would spend the year basking in the eclectic and ancient history of one of the most beautiful cities on the planet.

Richard realized that he was called to be a museum curator in Italy, and he worked tirelessly to reach this dream. Everything fell into place seamlessly as he achieved his goal of fluency in Italian. And then he got the internship. Finally, he pursued a master’s degree in museum curatorial studies, which would eventually permit him to work full-time in an art museum in Rome. It was a wonderful achievement, and Richard could go on to do amazing things with his life.

Conclusion

It is clear that you have to have a plan and goal for your life so that you can go at it with all your might. When you plan the details of your future meticulously, you can carefully execute every step of the process so that you land that next big job, get into that Ph.D. program, or nail that interview to do a high-profile internship in a foreign country. It takes a lot of proactivity and patience, but when you do, you will be able to find how the pieces of the puzzle work together in your favor.

Life is not easy, but it can be figured out, and sometimes, it can be difficult for us to know which way to go. There are signs that give us the chance to know how we should go about living our lives. When you have a plan and set goals for your life, you will feel that you can be the master of your domain and achieve the unthinkable. You have to allow those self-doubts to dissipate from your mind and give yourself the positivity that it takes to live a life without fear and with great anticipation of a better future.

Chapter 13: Final Thoughts about Calming Your Worries and Anxiety

We all have worries in our hearts and minds. We worry about putting on too much weight, how much money we have, the snowball of bills that come into our mailbox each month, and all the other things that affect our lives. Although that is a normal thing for most people, some people struggle with depression and anxiety as a result of life’s worries. Their concerns severely affect their ability to function properly and do things in everyday life. This is a stumbling block to helping people get on the road to where they want to be. We are now going to talk about how to deal with life’s worries and anxiety and act appropriately.

Fight or Flight

When it comes to dealing with life’s problems, different people act in their own way by facing a problem or by fleeing the scene. Many people get tempted to run away from scenarios that could get them into trouble and put them into an unfortunate situation. If you can avoid such a situation, you can also flee from the stress of that situation. However, it is not always possible to avoid such situations. Sometimes you have to face the problems of your life, as Maria said in The Sound of Music. It is, therefore, best to figure out ways that you can respond to the things that are stressing you out.

One way to combat stress is to exercise. Then you can fight the worries that are clouding your mind. Exercise is one way to get rid of stress by releasing endorphins. You can feel good after one workout, which will help improve your mood and relieve you from the burdensome cares of life. Exercise will also help you feel less nervous.

The fight-or-flight response is our body’s natural instinct that we can use for our benefit. It is our coping mechanism when faced with situations that are naturally difficult. Our fight-or-flight response can help us to escape situations that could be dangerous to us. For example, when a fierce animal is coming toward us, we respond by running away from the place. It is important to bear in mind that it can help us or hinder us from moving forward with our lives. But the most important thing is to learn how to face our problems.

Structured Problem-Solving

Before you deal with a problem, it is crucial that you first think of the best way to respond to the situation. When you do a simulation, you will know how you should deal with a particular situation. This will help you solve the problem. If you usually worry a lot, you will find that you will feel better after confronting your problems proactively with an understanding of the issue. This way, there will be no surprises, and you will be able to handle the situation in a positive way. Solving problems is going to help you experience greater happiness. When you know how to handle all the challenges that life throws your way, you will feel better and more confident.

Limit Your Consumption of Media

Technology has a lot of benefits for us, but it can also prove to be harmful. There’s no doubt that social media can be a source of stress in our lives. We compulsively check Facebook or Instagram for the latest notifications, and then we see messages that make us worry. However, if you intentionally limit your screen time and your interactions on social media, you will find that it is liberating, and you will be free of the chains that bind you to your online profile. In addition, you will experience fewer things that distract you. This will give you more productivity in your life. Try to spend a month without the distraction of social media. Get away from it for a little while and see the difference in your overall morale. You will feel much better.

Too many of us spend over four or five hours on our phones every day. We answer messages, spend time on Facebook, surf the web, watch movies, and do other things. Consuming more media is going to lead to more stress, and therefore, we should be mindful to avoid it as much as possible. Limit your screen time to only a few hours a day; you will feel better. Read a book. Go outside and enjoy the sunshine. Take a walk. Do some recreational activities that will get you out of the house and into the world. It will feel like you’ve made a major upgrade to your life.

Try Meditation or Aromatherapy

When you feel burdened by the weight of everyday stresses, you might feel that there is no way to get out of it. However, you should simply find a place where you can be quiet and relaxed with some soothing music that will calm your mind. Find a place where you can allow the stress to pass away. Furthermore, you can enhance this experience by including some aromatherapy. So get some candles and scented oils that will put you in your happy place and calm your spirits. You will feel like the clouds have lifted from your mind and that the sun has come out and is shining over your heart and mind. It’s a new day. Enjoy it! You deserve to be happy. Be good to yourself.

Take a Shower or Hot Bath

Another method that will help you feel loads better is if you jump into the shower or take a hot bath. You will feel that your muscles relax, and your whole body will feel a lot better. So go right ahead. Get into the water. Experience the joy of the stress being rinsed away with the water that is flowing gently against your skin. As you soak your body in the water, you can exfoliate your skin and feel the difference. You can also try aquatic therapy. Visit your local pool and allow yourself to swim the stress away. You will feel the difference, not only in your physical body but also in your mind. It is a full body experience that you will not regret doing.

Exercise

To cope with your everyday stress, it is important that you de-stress, and one of the ways to do this is through exercise. It is best to find an activity that works for you. There are many options that you can choose from. Aerobic activity is helpful to release endorphins, which will make you feel good and have a greater mood. Then you can feel the physical and mental health benefits.

If you don’t want to do too much exercise, you can simply do a lot of walking. When you start to feel worried, go outside and take a walk. Even better, you can take a brief, intensive power walk or jog that will give you the freedom and mobility like you have never experienced before.

Rest and Experience Freedom like No Other

One of the things that we tend to neglect in our lives is getting enough rest. We power through the day and go on with our limitless supply of caffeine in our coffee and other energy drinks. We find ourselves spending more time on the computer. And often, we answer work-related inquiries well into the night while getting five or six hours of sleep. We just don’t know how to take a load off and get away from work. That is especially the case with people who live in the United States who are prone to workaholism. We work more than ever before. We put on more weight than before and live an unhealthy lifestyle. One of the things that we need to learn how to do is rest and get more of it. It is vital that we rest and relax from all the cares of this life. Think about ways that you can do this.

1. Sleep like a baby at night.

Sleep is one of the most neglected things when life gets busy. However, we should remember that if we get more sleep, we feel healthier and happier. Getting enough rest at night is one of the ways to improve our quality of life. We can feel a lot better if we just get the right amount of shut-eye, and that usually amounts to eight to nine hours of sleep a night. I know you may be thinking, “How in the world am I going to be able to do that with my busy schedule, three kids to take care of, wife to love, etc.?”

Well, you should make sleep an important part of your wellness routine. Aside from giving you the physical benefit of feeling at your best, sleep gives us a mood boost, and we don’t need to rely on as much caffeine in our system. Instead, we feel like we have more energy, and then we can go about our day with feelings of happiness. Try to get more sleep at night, and you will feel the significant change it brings to your overall health. Plus, you’ll protect your body against diseases and illnesses that can easily bring you down. Sleep more for your health.

2. Go right ahead and take that nap.

Napping also has proven health benefits. Even a short 20-minute nap can boost your mood and give you the needed energy to keep going through your day. Sometimes, naps can help you recover from the effects of sleep deprivation and can improve your productivity. You can try it out and see how much better you will feel. Just don’t nap too much because it might mess with your sleep cycle, making it difficult for you to fall asleep at night. Be careful but enjoy it!

3. Sometimes, it’s just doing nothing.

Sometimes, rest does not involve any kind of activity. It just involves doing nothing, whether that is hanging out on the beach, swimming in a pool, taking a walk, or sitting in a given place. You can also practice meditation. Sit quietly in a given space and simply observe your surroundings. Just looking at things and staring out into space may seem like a waste of time and energy, but the thing is, resting contributes to your productivity. And you don’t need to be productive every hour of the day. Instead, you should try to find moments where you can recharge your energy. Many times that is by spending time alone, especially for introverts.

4. Do some restful activities, such as walking the dog or writing in your journal.

Another thing you can do is find restful activities that don’t involve too much thinking or reflection. That includes walking the dog or writing in your journal. It helps you externalize your feelings, and it makes you feel better and more energized afterward because you are not focused on the things that you must do. Instead, you choose this kind of activity. You do it because you want to, not because it’s on your to-do list. It is something that will give you genuine joy, and you carry that joy with you no matter where you go.

5. Spend time with a few good friends.

Depending on your personality, socializing can either be an energizing experience or a draining one. However, most people think that it can be inherently helpful to spend time with a few good friends, playing some ball, watching a movie, or even traveling together. That can be a very restful time for everyone involved. You will see how much better you feel when you can spend a good time with your close friends. The rest will be fantastic.

Case Study

David was a workaholic dad who always spent time at the office. Often, he had no idea how he could turn off his inner world. He always felt he was on-call. He had to get his kids to soccer practice, go to the office to complete a project, and get dinner from the nearest take-out center. Even then, he would lie in bed at night and worry about all the things that he had to do the next day.

He could never get rid of all the worries and rest. But then he saw a counselor who helped him to identify what things he could cut out of his life to make him feel more fulfilled and less stressed and worried about the minute cares of life. David practiced mindfulness and meditation. He started to spend more time sitting and doing nothing. In addition, he tried to implement cat naps into his day, which instantly boosted his energy and productivity. Later, he worried less and began to sleep a lot better at night. He started to turn off his notifications past 9:00 p.m. He stopped answering work-related inquiries and found himself with a better work-life balance.

In the end, everything worked out, and David felt the difference in his mind and body. David was finally able to figure out how to rest and get rid of his worry and anxiety, which plagued his mind, body, and soul. In the end, he became a much happier, more relaxed, and more productive man. It was fantastic!

Conclusion

To sum up, it is crucial that you find ways to cope with your feelings of worry and anxiety. It is not easy to deal with the daily cares and concerns that we have, but when you have developed good coping strategies, you will feel better about things. You feel that you have more control over your emotional response to situations.

Although you may not be able to control the situations and things around you, you can control how you will respond to them. When you practice these techniques in dealing with the various worries in your life, you will find that you don’t feel as scared or nervous about the future. Things don’t seem as frightening or overbearing anymore. You think to yourself, “I can do this! No problem! I will be able to handle whatever comes my way because I have developed the techniques to deal with all things. It’s going to be okay. No worries!”

When you apply this can-do and positive mindset, you can do all things. It won’t matter anymore what happens. You will think to yourself, “Don’t worry. Be happy!” It will be fantastic—no more fear of tomorrow because it will take care of itself. You will be ready to tackle the day without feeling worried and anxious about what will happen. It will be the road to recovery and thriving that you have been waiting for. Let’s do it! You’ve got this!

Conclusion

As we wrap up this journey and try to defeat the demons within us, we see that there is little that truly needs to be worried about. Life is short and swift. One minute we’re alive, and the next minute, we are already lying in our graves. I’m sure that before we die, we will regret the times that we have spent worrying about our lives.

Life is precious; therefore, we shouldn’t waste our time in this world worrying about things. Although we don’t always have it all together and we sometimes break down and cry and get it all out, that does not mean we stay there. Release the energy within you that is getting you down. Get it all out, and stop worrying. That is a key part of your future.

Releasing the negative energy inside you is going to be an important part of becoming a freer person. By infusing your life with positivity, you can live with an open mind and heart that is willing to learn from different situations. Try putting on a happy face. Smile but do so willfully and cheerfully. Then you can experience what it is like to have fewer worries in your life. Find ways to experience the joy that never goes away. Even if you don’t feel happy one day, you will always feel a sense of deep satisfaction, knowing that you are making a meaningful life for yourself on earth and you are not going to let anything get you down.

This book has walked you through the steps you will need to stop worrying in your life. First, we started out by talking about the causes of your mental clutter and what you could do to handle different life situations. We also gave a number of case studies that highlighted the issues and how they could be handled in real life. We talked about doing less and worrying less, getting rid of your junk, waiting to answer messages, and forgiving the past. In addition, we mentioned different ways of dealing with your negative thoughts, which could come and take over your mind at any moment. Also, we taught you how to turn negative thoughts into positive ones and to look on the bright side of life, which could help you live the life you’ve always wanted. Additionally, we mentioned how you could practice mindfulness to improve your mood and boost your cognitive performance. Next, we looked at ways to enhance your relationships and get rid of the ones that are in your way and causing you difficulty. This would make your life much less stressful. In the remaining two chapters, we talked about how to determine what is important to you and how to set appropriate goals that would lead you to a happier and more fulfilled place. Finally, we discussed the strategies that you could apply in your daily life to handle stress better.

We hope this book has helped you to be on the road to recovery. Just like a recovering addict must overcome their issue, you also must overcome the habit of worrying. Only then can you break the chain and cycle that is holding you back. We want you to be free so that you and your children will be happy. Your whole family can benefit from your happiness. The world will be a better place. There is too much negativity in the world, but you can bring change by putting on a smile and giving your positive energy to people so that they can experience the radiance that is your joy and fulfillment. Find your happy place. Get there and stay there. This should be your daily goal. Worry less, and live each day with a sense of accomplishment. You should be able to say, “I can do this! Nothing is going to stand in my way of achieving my life’s goals because I am a man [or woman] with a plan. It’s all going to work out.”

Thank you for reading this book. We hope that you feel empowered to do great things by following the advice in it and that you are on the road to recovery and thriving for the rest of your life.

Bibliography

Arnold, T. (2018). Core mindfulness (DBT). Tara Arnold, Inc. Retrieved from http://www.taraarnoldinc.com/core-mindfulness-dbt

Becker, J. (n.d.). 5 ways minimalism can help create a stronger marriage. Retrieved from https://www.becomingminimalist.com/5-ways-minimalism-can-help-create-a-stronger-marriage/

Becker, J. (n.d.). How to become minimalist with children. Retrieved from https://www.becomingminimalist.com/how-to-become-minimalist-with-children/

Cullen, M., Brito Pons, G., and Mindful Staff. (2016). Mindfulness of anger. Retrieved from https://www.mindful.org/mindfulness-of-anger/

Millburn, J. F. (n.d.). Goodbye fake friends. Retrieved from https://www.theminimalists.com/fake/

Positive Psychology Program (2017). 22 mindfulness exercises, techniques, and activities for adults. Retrieved from https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/mindfulness-exercises-techniques-activities

Scott, S. J., and Davenport, B. (2016). Declutter your mind: How to stop worrying, relieve anxiety, and eliminate negative thinking. Retrieved from https://publicism.info/self_help/declutter/2.html

SMART goal setting (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.yourcoach.be/en/coaching-tools/smart-goal-setting.php

Todd, C. (n.d.). How being a minimalist at work can make you more successful. Retrieved from https://lifehack.org/595106/why-being-a-minimalist-at-work-can-make-you-more-successful/

Tritt, J. (2017). Minimalism and relationships. Retrieved from https://nosidebar.com/relationships

What is mindfulness? (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.mindful.org/what-is-mindfulness/

Table of Contents

Cover

Overthinking How to Stop Worrying , Eliminate Negative Thinking , and Control Your Thoughts

Copyright

Introduction

Chapter 1 : Causes of Mental Clutter

Chapter 2 : Having a To - Do List

Chapter 3 : Doing Less and Worrying Less

Chapter 4 : Getting Rid of Your Junk

Chapter 5 : Waiting to Answer Messages

Chapter 6 : Forgiving the Past

Chapter 7 : Dealing with Negativity

Chapter 8 : Looking on the Bright Side Every Day

Chapter 9 : Practicing Positive Mindfulness

Chapter 10 : Applying a Minimalist Attitude toward Relationships

Chapter 11 : Determining What Is Important to You

Chapter 12 : Pursuing Your Goals and Not Worrying about Anything

Chapter 13 : Final Thoughts about Calming Your Worries and Anxiety

Conclusion

Bibliography