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POSITIVE THINKING TO MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS

This Book Includes:

Empath, Overthinking, Rewire Your Brain, Highly Sensitive People.

The Survival Guide To Stop Worrying And Increasing Your Self Esteem.

By

Eva Berry

© Copyright 2020 – Eva Berry – All rights reserved.

The content contained within this book may not be reproduced, duplicated or transmitted without direct written permission from the author or the publisher.

Under no circumstances will any blame or legal responsibility be held against the publisher, or author, for any damages, reparation, or monetary loss due to the information contained within this book. Either directly or indirectly.

Legal Notice:

This book is copyright protected. This book is only for personal use. You cannot amend, distribute, sell, use, quote or paraphrase any part, or the content within this book, without the consent of the author or publisher.

Disclaimer Notice:

Please note the information contained within this document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has been executed to present accurate, up to date, and reliable, complete information. No warranties of any kind are declared or implied. Readers acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical or professional advice. The content within this book has been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed professional before attempting any techniques outlined in this book.

By reading this document, the reader agrees that under no circumstances is the author responsible for any losses, direct or indirect, which are incurred as a result of the use of information contained within this document, including, but not limited to, — errors, omissions, or inaccuracies.

BOOK 1:     EMPATH

BOOK 2:     OVERTHINKING

BOOK 3:     REWIRE YOUR BRAIN

BOOK 4:     HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE

EMPATH

THE FUNDAMENTAL GUIDE TO MANAGING YOUR MOOD USING DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY TO EXPAND YOUR EMPATHY HEALING AND GAIN SELF-CONFIDENCE. RAISE POSITIVE ENERGY IN YOURSELF AND OTHERS PERSON

EVA BERRY

© Copyright 2020 - All rights reserved.

The content contained within this book may not be reproduced, duplicated or transmitted without direct written permission from the author or the publisher.

Under no circumstances will any blame or legal responsibility be held against the publisher, or author, for any damages, reparation, or monetary loss due to the information contained within this book. Either directly or indirectly.

Legal Notice:

This book is copyright protected. This book is only for personal use. You cannot amend, distribute, sell, use, quote or paraphrase any part, or the content within this book, without the consent of the author or publisher.

Disclaimer Notice:

Please note the information contained within this document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has been executed to present accurate, up to date, and reliable, complete information. No warranties of any kind are declared or implied. Readers acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical or professional advice. The content within this book has been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed professional before attempting any techniques outlined in this book.

By reading this document, the reader agrees that under no circumstances is the author responsible for any losses, direct or indirect, which are incurred as a result of the use of information contained within this document, including, but not limited to, — errors, omissions, or inaccuracies.

1. Introduction

Chapter 1 Introduction to Empaths

But … are you really an empath?

How can you know that you are an empath?

What does it feel like to be an Empath?

Physical/Medical Empath

Emotional Empath

Telepathic Empath

Claircognizant/Intuitive Empath

Geomantic Empath

Animal Empath

Plant Empath

Precognitive Empath

Chapter 2 The Empath Way

Being an Empath in Today’s World

A Day in the Life of an Empath

The Empath Calling

A Realistic Understanding

Chapter 3 What Type of Empath Are You

Understanding Empaths from a Scientific View

Chapter 4 How to Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires

Chapter 5 Understanding Energy

Chapter 6 Empath Types

Emotional Empaths

Physical Empaths

Animal Empaths

Plant Empaths

Geomantic Empaths

Claircognizant Empaths

Medium Empaths

Precognitive Empaths

Chapter 7 Overcoming Your Fears

Social Anxiety

Do You Have Social Anxiety?

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety Challenges

Fear of Rejection

Fear of Intimacy

Tips for Empaths in Intimate Relationships

Fear of Being Selfish

Chapter 8 A Step-By-Step Guide to Develop Your Potential

Step 1 – Figure Out the Best Version of Yourself

Step 2 – Take Feedback from Others

Step 3 – Work on Your Decision-Making Skills

Step 4 – Identify Your Emotional Triggers

Step 5 – Start Setting Boundaries

Step 6 – Practice Self-Discipline

Step 7 – Be Open-Minded

Step 8 – Always Be Open to Experiencing New Things

Step 9 – Keep Yourself Motivated

Step 10 – Cut Off Unsupportive People from Your Circle

Chapter 9 Identifying Characteristics of Empath

Range of Indications

Hypothetical Empath

Check the Indications

Chapter 10 Common Empathic Traits

Chapter 11 Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Chapter 12 Meditation for Empaths

Chapter 13 Emotional Health

Do you need healing?

Chapter 14 Reasons for Not Healing

Empath Healing Techniques

Repressed Sexuality

2. Conclusion

1.              Introduction

What Is Empathy?

Defined simply, empathy and healing may not readily form an association. However, there are many things that connect one to the other. To better understand this, let’s begin by taking a closer look at each.

Empathy

This is a person’s ability to understand and even share in another person’s emotions, as well as feelings. Think of it as being able to put yourself into someone else’s shoes and be able to experience their emotions as well.

Healer

This is a person who heals. These are people who are skilled in a particular type of therapy and are capable of treating different illnesses through various means. Some healers call upon divine help when working, whilst there are those who try to manipulate the body by engaging the mind and spirit.

Empathy and Healing: The Connection

Empathic people and healers share the ability to resonate with others and tune into their energies. For most empaths, this can happen involuntarily. There are those who have more control over this ability, however.

What an empathic person can do, especially if they take it upon themselves to further their knowledge and improve this inherent skill, is to scan another person’s psyche for their feelings or for past, present, and future life occurrences. Their heightened sensitivity makes them more adept at catching the smallest of changes in people especially in the energy they are emitting. In healing, energy is important.

Empaths can experience this towards their immediate family, their children, close friends, work associates and other acquaintances, their pets, the plants that they keep, and even with complete strangers. Some may even experience this towards inanimate objects in that they’re able to sense its history. Empathy is not bound by time or space.

This is why some empaths can actually feel the energy of people from a distance. There are also empaths who are more in-tune with animals and are capable of communicating with them on a more profound level; think of The Horse Whisperer or someone like Cesar Milan, who can read the energies of the dogs he works with.

Healers and empaths also share a deep sense of knowing. They are more compassionate, understanding and considerate of others. A heightened sense of self-awareness is also common. Though there are also those who manifest these abilities even at a young age, but do not realize what they have until late in life. Some don’t even realize it at all!

Empathy is inherited

Being an empath is genetic and inherent in our DNA as people. However, the ability isn’t always developed in people. It can be studied and tapped into with consistent practice, of course. Empathy, itself, has both biological and spiritual aspects. Empaths can sense energy / emotion in differing ways as well.

Chapter 1             Introduction to Empaths

So, who are empaths?

An empath is a person who is able to connect with other people in a very deep way, on an energetic level. Such a person is able to perceive the negative or positive energies of other people even without interacting with them physically. You cannot train or learn to be an empath. You’re either born an empath or you’re not. So, if you have this gift (we’ll later learn if this is true), there is no undoing it and if you’re not born with it then you cannot acquire it with any artificial means. However, you can glean a lot of valuable characteristics from empaths in your close circles and learn to deal better with them should you spot one.

Being an empath is natural; there is no way that you can escape it. You will be able to echo other people’s feelings and energy even without knowing the source of these energies. It is like having many emotional burdens dumped on you and eventually, you will feel totally drained because you will have used a lot of your energy to deal with these negative emotions emanating from other people.

When you find yourself feeling quite intuitive and sensitive to the needs of other people, you often feel fatigued at the end of the day. You feel this natural urge to carry other people’s pain and burdens. As the saying goes, “Heavy is the head that wears the crown.” Such people possess gifts like deep connection and clear observation. When you are an empath, you learn to trust your feelings 100%. You believe your feelings because they have never let you down. If they tell you something is wrong then it is wrong!

But … are you really an empath?

At some point in your life, you might be aware of your introvert traits but also have this huge urge to create a big impact on thousands of people. You always feel that you have this great message that you want to pass on. This experience might not be clear to you because you do not know that you are an empath. If you have a feeling, a great calling to change people’s lives, you cannot resist this feeling because obviously, it is much bigger than you.

How can you know that you are an empath?

You daydream a lot – You know that you are an empath when you are strong and courageous in areas like visions and prophecy. You feel great connection to the feelings of others. Since such life experiences require safety, the only refuge you find is in your dream world. For instance, you can dream fighting for the rights of the vulnerable in your society, saving their lives and making heroic speeches. Unlike other people’s dreams, yours will feel much more real.

You experience strong visions - Your thinking capacity will always be big. For instance, your focus will be on complex duties and you will be excited by organized areas. You always think about the bigger picture, and you puzzle about why things are the way they are. This means you are ready to overcome all odds like suffering emotionally with the rest of the people in the world. Due to these visions, most of which you will never achieve anyway, you cannot stand any injustice people do to the ones who cannot fight for their rights.

You detest being in public spaces – Public spaces make you feel strained, give you migraines and endless fatigue. You would rather stay isolated and enclosed at home. You have noticed that all the time when you go out in public spaces you go back home strained, fatigued or overwhelmed. In fact, you have started feeling that would like to avoid public spaces altogether. Well, that is because you are an empath. As such, you have been absorbing all of their negative emotions like a sponge would absorb water.

Because of the many negative energies reverberating from all the people in the public spaces like malls, beaches etc., you absorb all of them and you feel so overwhelmed. Thus, you tend to avoid public spaces because they make you feel depressed.

You struggle with self-care - You know that you should take care of yourself while at the same time taking care of others. You have been too busy fixing other people and you have no time to fix yourself. It happens to empaths. Every waking day is about other people and their pain. That leads to self-negligence! And you think it is not right to care too much about other people. This is a fight between the introvert inside and the extrovert outside.

The extrovert sends a message that you should forget about your needs while the introvert tells you the opposite. When you try to meet the needs of others, the extrovert informs you of the time shortage. But, when you neglect people that need your help, you feel as if they are watching you. This fight is real. Therefore, you should take appropriate precautions because it can result in anxiety and restlessness.

Overall, an empath is a person with a passion to fight courageously for their loved ones with understanding and compassion as their strongest weapons. You should be totally familiar of your gifts, be self-aware and know how to survive as an empath. Otherwise, you will suffer from other people’s judgments and your own insecurities and self-doubt.

What does it feel like to be an Empath?

If you happen to be an empath yourself, then it’s most likely that this is a feeling that you have been living with since your childhood. However, if you are not sure of your emotions or feelings then this section will help you identify whether you are an empath. Let’s understand the perspective of an empath looking out into the world.

You step into other people’s shoes and stay there

In most cases, you find yourself getting into other people’s emotions without any turbulence. Empathy means being very sensitive, understanding and experiencing the thoughts and feelings of others. However, being an empath means being sensitive to the feelings of other people even without them telling you what they are experiencing themselves.

In simple words, being an empath is like stepping into another person’s shoes involuntarily. Nevertheless, that does not mean that you have supernatural powers to read people’s deeper feelings, experiences and their life situations. It just means that you are an empath.

Insignificant things make you tear up

Let us say you are reading a book, watching news, or listening to a sad personal story. This alone can make your tears start rolling easily. Your empath power makes you connect with that emotion of sadness at a visceral level. When you start searching for reasons as to why things are the way they are, you seem to get emotional responses. You will normally end up with answers about the origin of your own emotions. This can often help you move on and concentrate on other aspects of life and relationships.

You are very passionate

Your strong passion makes it easy to feel very emotional. Have you ever seen a person participate in an activity like helping people and wondered where their energy comes from? You could be in a group or dealing with specific individuals and, as an empath, you normally put your 100% effort into everything you do for others. You believe that your effort will change someone’s life for the better. Your feelings of service to others are always deep.

You have very deep feelings

In response to a certain event, if you compare your emotions with those of your peers, you will often find that yours are more heightened than theirs. You have no idea whether it’s a curse or a blessing. Somehow you feel you’re tapping into a different level of consciousness. However, people realize the deep care that you have for them even without expressing it. At times, apathy simplifies your life but is quite tiring in case you experience strong feelings. For instance, your insomnia becomes worse and your mood plunges but when you listen to sad music all of that loosens you up.

You feel the physical pain that other people go through

When you go near people that are ill or look at those with severe injuries, you normally feel their physical pain. It is like feeling the tremors before an earthquake. On the other hand, you keep having panic attacks simply because a person close to you is anxious. You normally cry when you see someone suffer and it is as if you are experiencing his or her pain firsthand. You have always felt this way since childhood, only that you did not know the name for it. The most amazing thing is that people do not have to tell you what they are going through or what they have been through. Their energy simply reaches out to you and you feel their pain and emotion automatically, as if you are connected to them.

This is not abnormal or dysfunctional. What you possess is a very strong intuition that enables you to connect deeply with and to people. Even if you fly to another country, you will still experience the same. There is no escaping this reality. Whether it’s a curse or blessing depends on how you look at it. You have now learned how empaths feel and that will help you know if you are one. If you’re getting indications that you are one then don’t worry about it. Just realize that being an empath has its own perks once you learn how to handle your energies.

Types of Empaths

We have seen that an empath is a person who is able to tap into other people’s emotions and feelings and feel them just as if they’re their own. They are generally very caring and sensitive to other people and want what is best for everyone in their community and anyone they come across in life. There are different types of empaths, with each type having a distinct group of abilities. Let us look at some of the major types of empaths:

Physical/Medical Empath

The physical empaths are able to tap into the energy of other people’s bodies. Using their intuition, they can tell what the other person is ailing from, in most cases. Many physical empaths end up becoming professional medical doctors or traditional healers. When they are treating a patient, they can identify with the illness in their own bodies and feel the areas that have suffered an energy blockage so that they may be able to treat them accordingly. A medical empath is also able to pick up on the symptoms of an ailing person in their own body. However, this ability to pick up on other people’s physical symptoms can impact negatively on the physical health. Acquiring some healing training can help a medical empath to regulate this ability.

Emotional Empath

This type of empath is among the most popular types of empaths. People who are emotional empaths are able to tune in to the emotions of others and they will feel affected by those emotions as if they were theirs. The emotional empaths can deeply feel the emotions of others in their own heart and when they cannot differentiate their own emotions from those of others, they may experience very high fatigue and trauma.

Telepathic Empath

Telepathic empaths have the ability to accurately read another person’s thoughts even before the other person expresses such thoughts. Just by looking at you, a telepathic empath can tell you almost everything that is going on in your mind. Such empaths can be found aplenty throughout history. Just as there have been cases of twins who are telepathic, able to communicate through thoughts without the need to voice their thoughts, so is a telepathic empath able to read the minds of others and know their moments of distress.

However, it is not as if he/she sets out deliberately to read minds. It is just that it comes naturally. That is why in the beginning of this book, we learnt that an empath feels overwhelmed in the public spaces because he or she is hit by a wall of all types of emotions without his/her prompting. It is like a heavy invisible burden of connection that they didn’t ask for necessarily.

Claircognizant/Intuitive Empath

Empaths are able to pick up details from other people by just being near them. By simply looking at you, an intuitive empath can discern your thoughts and emotions. This is called claircognizance or “clear knowing”. This type of empaths can tell whether a person is speaking the truth or not by simply sensing their motive behind their utterances. The intuitive empaths have close similarities with the telepathic empaths who can tell what is going on in a person’s mind.

As an intuitive empath, you are able to know exactly what another person is feeling, not because you have been through the same experience, but because you have this special ability of intuition. On top of that, you are also able to know why that person is feeling what they are feeling. Because of the initial role that women play of rearing children, most of them have a very strong intuition. This is why most people who are claircognizant empaths are women. But men too can have this ability from time to time.

Geomantic Empath

This type of empath is also known as environmental or place empaths. A geomantic empath will have the ability to tune in to the vibration of a physical landscape. They usually find that they are either very happy or very uncomfortable in certain places or environments for no particular reason.

They will feel deeply drawn to particular places or be able to pick up on emotions that might have played out in the past in a certain place. They are strongly attuned to the natural environment and they will feel sad when the natural world is destroyed. They love spending most of their time in nature. Participating in a community activity or project that is steered towards the betterment of natural environment provides a kind of healing to them.

Animal Empath

Animal empaths develop a deep connection with animals and they choose to live their lives taking care of animals. They love spending time bonding with animals, taking care of them by making sure they’re fed and watered from time to time etc. For the love of animals, the animal empaths may end up studying a lot about animals (zoology) so that they can know more about animals and their needs.

Plant Empath

A plant empath has a strong intuition of what plants want. Many plant empaths become landscapers or choose to work in gardens or parks. They have a special connection with plants and they will know the right place to keep a certain plant in. Most of them feel inclined to take courses in plant care and so they end up becoming landscape professionals, environmental scientists, florists and may also dabble in other related careers.

One of the most important things that you should know is that when you are a plant empath, well, you know that you only want to live in close proximity to plants. You are an ambassador for trees to an extent that you can be referred to as a tree hugger. You can “hear” trees and other plants guiding you in your mind. You instinctively know what a tree or certain plant needs. You have a special tree where you go to sit down whenever you are free and you experience total peace of mind. In fact, scientific research has actually shown that plants under the care of such people tend to thrive.

Precognitive Empath

When you are a precognitive empath, it is said that you are a psychic empath, or a person who has the gift of foresight and you can tell about things that will occur in the near future. One of the most basic ways in which you can tell whether you are a psychic empath is when you have dreams and they things happen in reality just as you saw them in your dreams. In other cases, you may also dream and see the indicators of things that will happen, rather than seeing them directly.

Here’s a tip for precognitive empaths: After dreaming, you may wake up immediately for a short while and then in the morning, you will forget what the dream was. Therefore, it is advisable to keep a journal on your bedside so that you can record the dream immediately so you do not forget it.

Chapter 2             The Empath Way

The term “empath” has recently become a popular topic in the spiritual community as people are now beginning to realize that being sensitive is a gift and that there is no reason to be ashamed of their empathic ways. As an empath, you possess a unique gift that provides you with the opportunity to genuinely feel the needs of others and the world and universe as a whole, allowing you to be a powerful healer of the world. Your gift provides you with the opportunity to sense where more love and compassion can be offered and then offer it as a way to contribute to the raising vibrations of this loving planet. However, if not used properly, being an empath can result in obsessive behaviors that deplete your energies and prevent you from experiencing the positive wonders of your gift.

If you know you are an empath or if you have a suspicion that you might be, you may have questions about what that means and where this gift even comes from. In this chapter, we are going to explore what it means to be an empath, why you are living with this gift, and how this gift can support you in living out your life’s true purpose. We will begin with the history of what it means to be an empath and move through to a more modern definition to provide you with the opportunity to build your understanding of your gift and how it fits into the unique makeup of the universe.

The History of “Empath”

Over the past millennia, the term empath has risen up across many different religions and cultures as a way to describe people who were sensitive to others in a seemingly mystical way. In ancient African and First Nations tribes, empaths were considered gifted healers, philosophers, and spiritual teachers. They continue to be seen as such by these tribes which have been known to offer their empaths special blessings and compassionate treatment in exchange for having the empath share their gifts with the tribes. More recently, the phenomena have been popularized by psychologists who are interested in helping people across the globe understand their unique sensitivities and how they can master these sensitivities so they can thrive in life.

In recent history, Dr. Carl Rogers played an influential role in advancing the understanding of empathy and empathic gifts by suggesting that this may be a psycho or parapsychological phenomenon. Essentially, he believes that this is a unique way that certain people can understand another’s perspective and support them in their lives. In his words, sometimes, just listening to someone else is not enough because what they truly need is empathy from others. Empaths, who are particularly gifted with empathy to the highest degree, are wonderful at offering this unique support to individuals.

Being an Empath in Today’s World

Today, being an empath is quite different from how it has been for recognized empaths in the past. In certain tribes and communities, empaths were revered by their societies and offered immense amounts of support, compassion, and respect by those around them. For quite some time throughout Western cultures, however, people who experienced greater sensitivities than others were considered weak and were often shamed by their peers for their sensitive behaviors. As a result, society became quite grueling and uncomfortable for empaths, especially ones that had no idea they were empaths and found themselves feeling particularly vulnerable to their peers.

Over time, the understanding of what it means to be an empath has come to light and many empaths have been given the opportunity to explore their gifts with a greater understanding of what they are and why they experience them. This also offers empaths the opportunity to experience a greater sense of compassion towards themselves, as they are now capable of understanding that they are not weak at all. In fact, they are incredibly powerful and have the capacity to change the world as we know it by offering their loving, compassionate, and empathetic gifts into the collective and helping us raise the vibrational frequency of the whole planet.

As society continues shifting towards being one that is more compassionate towards its sensitive beings, empaths are being offered the opportunity to be met with a personal understanding of themselves as well as an understanding by their community. Rather than being so harshly penalized for their personality, many are now finding safe sanctuaries out in the world where they can engage in society and play an active role in their lives. The era of being a cursed empath who was considered weak is quickly coming to a close as empaths are now being understood and respected for their incredible gifts.

A Day in the Life of an Empath

If you are an empath, you might notice that your day-to-day life looks quite different from the lives of those around you. If you have yet to find a collective of people who understand what this feels like, it may still feel somewhat isolating and uncomfortable or even frustrating as you attempt to explain your experiences to others. This may be heightened by your current lack of understanding of how powerful you truly are and how you can actually harness your power to begin thriving in your life.

Chances are, when you wake up, you are instantly greeted with an immense amount of energy. You may find yourself literally “feeling” the energy of the day based on what day it is, which may or may not play into how you end up feeling throughout your morning. The experiences you have in the morning can significantly impact your energy, too. If they are positive, such as waking up and being greeted by your happy dog and enjoying dinner with your generally positive family, then your energies will likely feel whole and nourished. However, if you wake up to a home that is messy, a spouse that experiences morning grumpiness or a sad child who had a nightmare, you may find yourself instantly being greeted with fairly intense energies that are matching the energies of those around you. This can be challenging when you are attempting to face your day with a positive energy but instead, find yourself feeling overwhelmed and even drained before the day has even really begun.

If you work or spend your day alongside other people, the bulk of your work day may feel overwhelming, as you are constantly taking on these energies and feeling them as if they were your own. For example, if someone comes into work late and everyone is cranky because it has slowed down the workflow, you may find yourself feeling cranky and exhausted, as well because you are taking on the crankiness of both yourself and everyone else. If you are fortunate enough to spend your days working in a positive environment, you may find yourself feeling exceptionally positive throughout the day, but still feeling particularly drained after work because of how many different kinds of energy you have embraced.

Once you return home, you may find yourself feeling exhausted and depleted. Whether or not your day was positive, the amount of energy it took to experience and feel all of the energies around you was probably overwhelming and left you feeling like you had nothing left for yourself. You may spend your evenings laying low and doing next to nothing as a way to try and relax and let your energy replenish so that you can do it again the next day.

If this day to day flow resonates with you, then you are experiencing the life of an empath who has not yet fully understood, accepted, and mastered their empathic gifts. As you read through the rest of this book, you will discover that your life does not have to feel like this at all and that you can most definitely experience a more positive and enjoyable life without feeling depleted at the end of every day. In fact, you will begin to discover how you can have more energy for yourself so that you can truly get the most out of life while still being masterfully talented with your empathic gift!

The Empath Calling

Being particularly sensitive to the energy of others means that you were born with an incredible gift that can truly help you change the world. You are the very person that is needed in order to help overcome the collective suffering that has been experienced for hundreds of years through wars, greed, and ignorance. Through your ability to experience complete empathy to such a deep degree, you can genuinely listen to and understand people and support them in their healing journeys. When someone needs to experience love, compassion, guidance, or reassurance, they know that they can come to you and experience that. Since this is what the world greatly lacks right now, this makes you the perfect person to offer it to the world.

Chances are, you have already seen this trend in your life with the immense amount of people who have looked to you for support or compassion. In fact, this pattern may have become so intense that you find yourself withdrawing and avoiding relationships because sometimes, it may feel like they require more energy than you have left. This may lead to feelings of guilt or even loneliness in your life, but to you that may seem like a reasonable price to pay to avoid feeling overburdened by the energy of yourself and everyone else around you.

Empaths often find themselves being called into positions of healers, caretakers, advocates, and teachers. This is because they possess the unique characteristics required to truly succeed in these fields and make a genuine difference in the world around them. However, left unmanaged, their empathic gifts may lead to them feeling overwhelmed and unable to pursue these callings for fear of being zapped of energy and constantly drained. If they learn to master their gift and use their empathic talents to their benefit, though, they will find that by pursuing these roles and fully stepping into them, they can genuinely make massive changes in the world around them.

Some of the most influential leaders, healers, and teachers of our time are known to be empaths. Oprah Winfrey, Deepak Chopra, Princess Diana, the Dalai Lama, and Mahatma Gandhi are all famous empaths who have stepped into their roles, mastered them, and fulfilled their purposes in life. This proves that it can be done and it can be done in a magnificent way so long as you take the time to genuinely understand yourself, have compassion for yourself, and fulfill your own needs as an empath and as a human.

A Realistic Understanding

Realizing that your purpose in life is to heal the world may come across as intense, overwhelming or even shocking. On one hand, you may find that it makes complete sense given your nature and the way that you naturally interact with those around you combined with your innate calling. On the other hand, taking on that large of a task may seem daunting and even impossible if you do not take the time to see it realistically and put it into perspective.

To help you feel a little less intimidated by your purpose, I want to remind you that you are not alone. You are not the only empath that exists, and you are not the only empath who possesses the purpose of supporting the collective in healing so that we can raise our collective frequency. There are thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of other empaths out there who are all devoted to supporting this healing journey that we are collectively going through at this time.

All you are required to do to contribute is learn how to master yourself and contribute in the way that genuinely feels right for you. By learning how to master your own energies, you can put yourself and your purpose to positive use and change the world immediately around you. You can do this by being a local energy healer, teacher, or philosopher if doing something more intimate feels right for you, or you can do this by pursuing a wide-scale mission such as having a public talk show to reach the masses. There is absolutely nothing that states that one dream or purpose is any more or less than another, no matter how large or small either may seem. You must trust that you were born with the divine capacity to fulfill your purpose and that your purpose is exactly what you feel is your calling in life, no matter what anyone says or thinks about it. Some of the most impactful callings of empaths came from innovating a new way by contributing their own energy and purpose into the collective and serving in the way that felt right to them. There is no right or wrong way to contribute.

If you are not yet sure as to what your personal calling is, chances are that you are struggling to spend that time with yourself and gain your self-awareness around it because you are feeling strapped down by the constant energy drainage of society. Do not worry, your calling will appear and show itself to you when the time is right. All you need to do is stay on track, pursue your healing journey, and do what feels right for you. Before you know it, it will appear and you will have the exact blueprint for what you are here to accomplish in life.

Chapter 3             What Type of Empath Are You

All right, so you are an empath, but many people do not know that empaths come in many different types. It is very important that you have an understanding of what type of empath you are. This will help you to hone your gift and take care of yourself.

1. Animal Empath

The animal empath is the empath who will devote their life taking care of their furry little friends. While most empaths will have a deep connection with animals, the animal empath takes things a step further. People who have this gift knows exactly what an animal wants and needs and some may find that they can communicate with them.

An animal empath will often find that they spend many times around animals. You could find yourself being drawn to studying the psychology and biology of animals. You could even decide to be an animal healer because your abilities can help you to figure out what exactly is wrong with them.

2. Spiritual Empath

These types of empaths could have a direct connection with other realms. These are sometimes called medium empaths, and they will often feel connected to the deceased or other spiritual beings that belong to their system of beliefs. Their empathic abilities will often include feeling the physical and emotional symptoms from communications with their spiritual realm. This will work very much like the emotional empaths connection to other people in the living realm.

3. Intuitive Empath

The intuitive empath will learn things from other people by simply being near them. A simple glance at a person will provide them with many insights. They will know exactly when a person is lying because they are able to sense their intentions. People with this ability will resonate with the energetic fields of others and can read their energy.

Empaths like this should try to surround themselves with others who are more aligned with them. They should also spend some time working on their own energetic field. This will help you to keep from being bombarded with the emotions and thoughts of others.

4. Intellectual Empath

These types of empaths are able to communicate with others using different jargon and vocabulary. This can come up in various contexts and in an instant. They will likely notice that their communication style and their use of language and phrases will change depending on the person they are talking to. This does not happen consciously, so they are not simply trying to mirror a person to build rapport. This simply just happens.

5. Geomantic Empath

This type of empath is sometimes referred to as place or environmental. These empaths tend to have a close connection with their physical landscape. If you notice that you feel very happy or very uncomfortable in certain environments or situations, you could be this type of empath.

These empaths will often have a very deep connection to various places. They could find that they are drawn to places with sacred power like churches, groves, and sacred stones. They could also be very sensitive to the history of areas and could notice the fear, sadness, or joy that has taken place in a certain place. They are extremely connected to the natural world and they hurt when the place is damaged.

This type of empath should make sure that they spend a lot of time in nature so that they can recharge. They could also find that it is very healing to help with environmental projects. It is very important for them to create beautiful and harmonious surroundings for their life. They will find that they feel happier if they fill their house the good smells and plants. They will lean towards materials that are more natural as well.

6. Plant Empath

These types of empaths will be able to know what a plant needs. Everybody says they have a green thumb and are very gifted at putting the right plants in the best places in their garden or home. A lot of them will work in parks, wild landscapes, or gardens when they find that they can use their abilities for the greater good. In fact, if you are working in an occupation that involves working with plants, then you may be a plant empath. Many people will find that they receive some form of guidance from trees or plants.

If you are one of these empaths, then you likely already know that you require a lot of contact with plants and trees. This bond can be strengthened simply by sitting quietly near a tree or plant that is special to you and tuning into its energy to see if it requires anything from you.

7. Emotional Empath

This type of empath is the most common type. These are the ones that are able to easily notice the emotions of others and they feel the effects of those emotions on a personal and physical level. They are able to experience what others experience very deeply. Emotional empaths may become very sad when they around others who are experiencing sadness.

This type of empath needs to make sure that they take the time to spot the difference between their emotions and the emotions of others. Once they are able to do this, they will be able to help people without sacrificing their own wellbeing.

8. Physical Empath

This type of empath is able to notice the bodily energy of people they are around. They are able to instantly tell what a person is being bothered by. This type of empath will often be led down the path of a healer, whether in a conventional or alternative sense. They may be able to feel awareness within their body when they treat another person. They may be able to sense blockages in a person’s energy that needs to be treated.

When a physical empath walks into a room of people and immediately gets a headache, chances are somebody else in that room has a headache as well. This is why it is important for a physical empath to learn how to control their abilities because feeling other people’s ailments can be debilitating.

The physical empath will be able to notice the symptoms in other people and may feel these symptoms within their self. When they do take on these physical symptoms, this could cause real health problems. People who find that they suffer from illnesses like an autoimmune disorder or fibromyalgia may find that strengthening their energy field can help them so that they know when to turn off their abilities. If you take the time to train yourself in a certain type of healing, it can help to strengthen your skills.

9. Heyoka

Heyoka is a Native American term for an empath who acts like a trickster or a go-between. These types of empaths are considered disrupters, but not negatively. They have an ability to be able to go between the spiritual and physical worlds and act as a psychic medium to communicate between them. They are able to take in other feelings and emotions and they act like a mirror to show other people what they need to know about their self.

There is a chance for an empath to have a little bit of all of these in them. The most common empath is the emotional type, but that does not necessarily mean that you have to be an emotional empath.

Understanding Empaths from a Scientific View

There have been many things in life that appeared to be magically until we were able to figure out how they worked and understood the process it tool. Unfortunately, the research on empaths is still being performed. But, one is that has been studying is the concept of mirror neurons and it is casting a bit of light on a possible explanation as to why empaths are able to experience the emotions of others.

Mirror neurons are described as a neurophysiological mechanism involved in the way that people are able to understand another person’s actions and learn to imitate them. In some of the first studies about the context of motor skills discovered that these neurons fired when monkeys watched another person perform an action. This created the hypothesis that watching a person will trigger some form of an internal response to help us mimic what we are seeing. This act of watching people experience something activates neurons in the brain even when we are not performing an action.

Marco Iacoboni, Professor of the Faculty of Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles, believed that mirror neurons could be the physiological basis for morality and empathy since they affect how we interpret and perceive the experiences of people that are around us. In the simplest form of the neuron, they are triggered through the observation of some type of physical gesture in other people that fires the same neurons in the person that is watching. The amazing part of this is that it will happen consistently even though the person that is observing the action is not actually moving anything. It is simply an internal version of the action instead of physical imitation.

Let us say that you are at a football game. Neurons that are activated in the quarterback when he snaps the ball are fired in you as you watch. This same thing happens when you are watching a person experience some type of physical pain or if you notice a facial expression of worry or anger. The brain is able to interpret the meaning of these different situations by experiencing things through mirror neurons. There are many different ways to trigger these neurons, such as seeing a ball get to throw, hearing the sound of the ball being caught, or when you say the word throw.

The actual firing pattern of these mirror neurons is actually very sophisticated as well. In fact, the firing pattern depends on the context or meaning of what is being observed. Both of the actions will involve all of the same muscles, but they do not necessarily have the same intentions behind it, so they are going to end up triggering different mirror neuron pathways.

This is the reason Iacoboni thought that the neuron’s firing patterns were so complex that they would let people know the intent behind a person’s actions depending on the context. The importance of the process becomes very apart once you start to think about how understanding and relating to other people is important in how we make it through society. This is supported through several bodies of research on the theory of emotional contagion.

Emotional Contagion

Emotional contagion is when a group or a single person is able to influence the actions of other groups of people through a conscious or unconscious induction of attitudes and emotional states. This process is very deeply rooted in the human psyche. There are studies that have discovered that newborns can imitate the facial expressions of people after a couple of minutes of life.

There are even adults who unconsciously imitate the demeanor of other people. This mimicry passes emotion on from one person to another and plays a large role in social relationships. In fact, people tend to like others who imitate them. The reason for this is likely that mimicry helps us to feel connected to others. It provides us with a positive emotional experience as well. Emotional contagion, basically, comes from basic mimicry as we try to feel loved by people around us. From the moment we are born, we start to register and then try to reproduce non-verbal language.

Even though science has managed to make it this far, the experience of an empath still seems to show that there is another human process where humans are able to innately sense the emotions of other people that aren’t totally controlled by their conscious mind. Empaths probably would not have a problem with being able to turn off their abilities from time to time so that they can simply feel their own emotions. However, their experience is unconscious and it takes a lot to control it. Many empaths have reported feeling overwhelmed by the emotions of others.

Typically, when a person is interested in improving a skill they will make a conscious decision to do so, and they follow this by some type of practice and learning experience. Some people are better at doing this than others, so their need for practice may be shorter than others. For empaths, the physical manifestation is the first to happen. They start feeling the emotions of others, and they are unable to realize what is happening. Only after this are they able to start working on their quest of understanding what is going on. The first thought of many empaths is, “How do I stop this?”

Being empath never shows up as a learned skill. It is not something that a young child can hope to have and start to develop throughout the years with the practice. The initial trigger is typically a physiological one that will lead them to an emotional experience and then it leads to conscious awareness. They are going to feel first, and then they will learn to understand their gift later on. Many empaths say that they are not able to control the process. Very little of the population actually has the ability to be an empath. Everybody is able to perceive the emotions of other people, but only an empath has the unusual sensitivity to feel the emotional cues around them.

Electromagnetic Fields

The findings behind electromagnetic fields are because the brain and heart create an electromagnetic field. HeartMath Institute says that these fields send information surrounding person thoughts and emotions. Empaths are very sensitive to all of this input and tend to find that they are overwhelmed by it. Empaths tend to have a stronger physical and emotional response to changes that happen within the electromagnetic fields of the Earth and Sun. Empaths are able to understand that everything that occurs to the Earth and Sun is going to have some sort of impact on their own energy and their mind.

Heightened Sensitivity to Dopamine

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that increases neuron activity and it connected to the pleasure response. Studies have found that the introverted empath tends to be more sensitive to dopamine than extroverts are. This means that they do not need as much dopamine to be happy. This could also be the reason why they tend to be content with simple meditation, time alone, and reading. They do not have to have external stimulation from social gatherings. Extroverts need to have a rush of dopamine from those types of events. Extroverts just cannot seem to get enough dopamine.

Synesthesia

Synesthesia is a neurological condition where a person has two senses that become paired within the brain. For example, a person is able to see music when they hear a certain piece, or they are able to taste words. Some of the world’s most famous synesthetic are Billy Joel, Sir Isaac Newton, and the violinist Itzhak Perlman. However, with mirror-touch synesthesia, a person is able to feel the emotions and sensations of other people within their own body as if it was actually their pain.

Psychological Understanding

Empathy has been a common psychology term for some time that was used to describe the ability to understand what a person could be feeling. This experience is often referred to as, “walking in someone else’s shoes.” Empathy is a very important part of social interactions. Empathy has the ability to affect the way we act toward other people. In a sense, the glue helps to hold humans together.

Theodor Lipps, German psychologist and philosopher, is often said to be the father of the word empathy. He described empathy as the way that we perceived the minds of people around us through a simple process of inner imitation. This process takes part in several areas of the brain, such as the cortex, endocrine system, autonomic nervous system, and hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis.

While there are some people who suffer from some type of psychopathologies, such as sociopaths, who exhibit a lack of empathy, the skill is a strong biological foundation. Babies are able to recognize several types of emotions from a very young age and toddlers are even able to create empathy as they age. Young children are able to spot different emotions of people around and they can correctly interpret them.

There are been recent studies who are described two systems that are used in psychological empathy. One, emotion-based contagion, and, two, cognitive perspective-taking system. Emotional empathy has been found to activate what is called the inferior frontal gyrus. Cognitive empathy is connected more closely to the motor mirror neuron system. For the well-known American psychologist Rogers, on the other hand, the idea of empaths was more connected to cognitive empathy than to emotional one.

In psychological experiments on empathy, they will often use observation to trigger an empathic response in a person. They make the empath watch a person who is paced into a situation that should create a strong emotion.

Rogers said that empathy has, what called, an “as if” condition. A person may be able to experience empathy when they are able to imagine the way another person may feel. This is not anything like what an empath is feeling. Empaths feel things as if they were their own. It is not something that they have imagined and neither is it coming from some external stimuli.

Chapter 4             How to Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires

Empaths are highly vulnerable to extreme conditions and emotions felt by other people. This is further exacerbated by the so-called energy vampires who feed off the energy of individuals near them. Other characteristics observed among energy vampires include:

●      a negative mindset

●      selfish and self-obsessed

●      overly critical

●      controlling over others

●      likes to gossip around

To combat the negative effects of being exposed to them, empaths could employ the following means of protecting themselves from such attacks:

Step #1: Determine if you are in the presence of an energy vampire.

Experiencing at least one of the following symptoms, without any other probable cause, could indicate that your energy is being sapped away by another person.

●     Your mood drops down even if you were feeling fine a moment ago.

●     You are on edge since everything seems to agitate you.

●     You suddenly crave for carbs or your go-to comfort food.

●      Your eyelids grow heavier by the minute.

●     You yawn as frequently as when you need to take a nap.

Step #2: Remember and comply with these dos and don’ts on dealing with energy vampires.

Once you have confirmed that you are with an energy vampire, the ideal protective measure is to get away from them immediately, but without provoking them even further. However, there are cases wherein this is not entirely possible—for instance if he or she is a family member who lives in the same house as you.

To save you from suffering, follow these tips on how to effectively deal with energy vampires.

Do:

●     Take deep breaths for a few minutes to center yourself.

●     Trust and listen to your intuition especially when it is signaling you of impending danger or harm.

●     Stay level headed even if they are trying to bait you with incendiary remarks or questions.

●     Pause and think of ways to escape from the situation.

●     Use a neutral tone to communicate your discomfort and boundaries.

Do not:

●      Ignore what your inner voice is telling you.

●     Label yourself as “neurotic” for being uncomfortable in their presence.

●      Fight physically and/or verbally with the energy vampire.

●     Binge-eat or drink to alleviate the side effects that you are feeling.

●      Show signs of fear or submission.

As an empath, you are not obliged to rehabilitate energy vampires. Leave that task to themselves and mental health professionals. What you should focus on is protecting yourself from them. Keep in mind, however, that energy vampires are people who deserve your understanding and compassion too. Though you would have to set boundaries between you and them, always try to remain polite and respectful to avoid hurting them unnecessarily.

Methods to Fight Negative Energy

Empaths who have just recently recognized their special gifts for what they really tend to ask this question: how can an empath fight off the negative energy and vibes from the people around them? The naive answer to this is by attempting to turn yourself into this paragon of happiness and optimism.

There is more to this question than a simple idealized version of what an empath should be. If you believe that you are an empath, you need to learn how to properly and adequately defend yourself since the other options are neither healthy nor tempting.

Here is a list of effective strategies that you can play whenever you feel the symptoms of a negativity build-up in your own system. The best way to find out which ones would work for you is to mix it up and experiment. No one strategy is objectively better than the rest. It is all a matter of finding out which one would fit your lifestyle and still effectively address your concerns as an empath.

Strategy #1: Take a minute and determine the source of your symptom.

Identifying the source of your pain and distress is a valuable strategy because only then would you be able to formulate an effective plan to alleviate the symptoms or any discomfort that you are feeling. One of the most noticeable signs that the negative energy or emotion has originated from another person is a sudden change in your physical condition or mood while you are in the presence of the said person. Remember, whenever you feel anxious, sad, or exhausted, there would always be a chance that your distress is caused—to a certain extent—by the person close to you now.

To confirm if this is the case for you, simply step away from them for a brief moment. Observe yourself and see if the symptoms you were feeling earlier would remain or dissipate. The latter means that the negativity is definitely not yours.

In some cases, however, the symptoms stem from a combination of your feelings and those around you. This is more likely to happen when the root cause of the negativity within you bears similarities with the person you are with.

For example, empaths who are confined in a hospital due to sickness are susceptible to catching on the stress and pain of others since the empath is personally suffering health-wise. In cases like this, the empath may have to resort to other strategies since stepping away from the contributors to your suffering is not an option.

Strategy #2: Breathe and repeat a mantra similar to this: “Release me from this suffering.”

If you feel that negative energy is starting to overwhelm you, take a short pause and focus on your breathing. Feel the air flowing through your system as you breathe in and out. Continue to do so for the next few minutes until you could feel the negative energy flowing out of your body.

Should you feel like the negativity is stuck within you, hold your breath for a few seconds and imagine the stress and discomfort you are feeling turn into a ball of energy in the middle of your chest. Resume your breathing as you continue to envision this image inside your head.

After a minute or two, repeat under your breath this mantra: “Release me from this suffering.” As you say this, imagine the ball of negative energy floating away from your chest. Do not picture it returning to the origin since it would be unkind to do so. Though it would not actually be returned to that person, thinking that way is counterintuitive since it would only attract more negative energy towards you.

Strategy #3: Maintain a comfortable, but a polite distance away from the cause of your discomfort.

This strategy is easier to pull off when you are in the presence of strangers. According to experts, the optimal distance is around twenty feet or six meters. If you are in a public place, such as a movie theater or public transport, consider changing seats if that is a possible option at that given moment.

If the person sitting next to you does not make you feel comfortable, spare yourself from the suffering. Get up from your seat, and find a more suitable spot for you. Remember, self-care is just as important as being careful about the feelings of others.

Do not make a big deal whenever you have to do so. Practice subtlety to not offend the people around you. Empaths run the risk of exposing themselves to social situations that can overwhelm both their bodies and minds. If you would ever be put in that situation, leave as quietly as possible and maintain a comfortable distance from the possible sources of negativity around you.

Strategy #4: Limit eye contact and/or physical contact with other people.

Certain research studies suggest that energy can be transmitted through gaze or touch. Therefore, if you are not feeling comfortable at any given moment, try to limit the eye contact or physical contact you have with those around you.

For example, many people prefer to greet others with a hug. It is perfectly all right to refuse a friendly hug, as long as you express it in a polite manner. If you are not the position to deny it, try to shorten the duration of the hug as much as possible. You can also go for a half-hug instead, wherein you just pat someone on the back after wrapping an arm around him or her. Always keep in mind that you have the right to choose the amount of eye contact or physical contact you would engage in with others.

Some people express their sympathies through a hug or some other thoughtful gesture. Studies indicate that hugging does benefit both the giver and recipient emotionally. However, if you are concerned about the effect it would have on your stress level, there are many other ways to show how much you care about them, even from a safe, but polite distance.

Strategy #5: Use water to detox yourself.

One of the quick techniques employed by many empaths is water immersion, or in non-technical language, taking a long, hot bath. To make it more effective, some throw in Epsom salt into the water in order to induce a more calming atmosphere.

Essential oils are also indispensable when it comes to relaxing baths. Many empaths use lavender oils in particular due to its calming properties.

When in need of intensive pampering, some people with empathic abilities travel to places with natural mineral springs. The pure water found in those springs is believed to be capable of detoxing both the body and the mind.

Strategy #6: Learn how and when to say “no.”

To survive and thrive as an empath, one must learn how to set his or her limits and boundaries. If being with someone drains away from your energy, do not simply suffer in silence. You have complete control over how much time you would spend with that person. If you have been invited to hang out with them again, learn how to say “no”—with or without further explanation.

If you do want to keep the relationship for whatever reason, try to express your preferences and needs to that person. It is better to be upfront about it early on in order to avoid any misunderstanding between the two of you.

Another example of where you could draw the line is deciding upon whether or not you would accept an invitation to go out and spend time with other people. If you are not in the mood for a party, turn down the invitation. You may explain yourself, but remember that you are not obliged to do so. Just learn how to be consistent about your limits and boundaries in order to avoid sending out the wrong message to those around you.

Strategy #7: Use visualization techniques.

Visualization has been proven an effective way of achieving something with the power of your mind. In this case, if you feel that you are being affected too much by someone else’s negative energy, visualize a cord connecting you to them. This could be stemming out from anywhere in your body, but most people imagine it coming out of their chests or stomachs.

When the image becomes clearer inside your head, think about how you are going to cut that cord. Most of the time, people use either a scissor or a knife. Keep in mind that you are going to completely cut off your relationship with that person. You only wish to eliminate the unpleasant energies that you are drawing or receiving from him or her.

Once you are ready, use your knife or scissors to cut the cord between the two of you. Imagine a sense of relief washing down your system. Spend a few more minutes meditating until you are ready to go on with the rest of your day.

This technique is usually employed by those who feel drained by their loved ones. Those empaths wish to retain the good parts of their relationships, so they focus instead on finding out ways on how to turn down or eliminate the negative effects of their loved one’s energy and emotions on them.

Strategy #8: Schedule alone time on a regular basis.

Most empaths recognize the value of spending time alone. If you plan to use this as a way to regain your energy, then you should plan and make room for this in your schedule.

One technique to make this more effective is turning off your personal devices, such as cellphones, tablets, and laptops. Do not think about the messages or calls that you might be missing at that moment. Focus on your thoughts and emotions instead.

You do not have to clear your whole day for your alone time. This could be done in at least one hour, but if you need to recharge more, then you probably could go up to a half-day for this. Ideally, you know your needs better than anyone do, so listen to what your inner self has to say about the concept of regaining energy by spending time alone.

Strategy #9: Ground yourself by spending time out in nature.

Nature has a way of making empaths feel at ease. Natural bodies of water coupled with beautiful green scenery can induce relaxation and calm among empaths. It is also said that our planet’s electromagnetic fields have healing capabilities. Therefore, empaths could try to refresh themselves by lying down in a quiet meadow and soak up the planetary energies emanating from the ground.

Referred to as earthling, walking on your bare feet is believed to be a healing practice by some spirituality experts. It could be done on a lawn, or on a sandy beach. The concept is simple that many empaths practice this even in the comforts of their own homes.

You can combine this strategy with the previous one. At least once a year, set aside time for a personal retreat. It should be an activity that you could do on your own or with a minimal number of companions. The primary objective of your retreat is to decompress and recalibrate your system. By doing so, you would gain back your energy, and hopefully, a fresh perspective on things that matter most to you.

Strategy #10: Take power naps or sleep for at least six to seven hours per day.

Sleeping is the body’s natural way of gaining back the strength and energy to go on the next day. Empaths benefit from a restful sleep or nap since it also calms down their nerves. They absorb stress and emotions all throughout the day, which makes them, feel exhausted by night.

Sleeping seven to eight hours per day is usually enough, but there are certain times when you need more time to rest. Indulge yourself by sleeping in early or staying for one more hour in bed—if you are not missing other important activities or other responsibilities. Taking brief power naps during the daytime has also been proven to be healing for empaths.

Strategy #11: Step away from social media platforms and the news.

A regular timeout from social media and the news is a necessary part of self-care routines for empaths. The content from those websites and the news of the day are observed to be likely triggers to the intense emotional reactions of empaths.

Contrary to popular belief, empaths do not need to actually see or be with another person to absorb his or her energy. Reading their posts or listening to the news about the sufferings of other people are more than enough to cause a negative impact on the wellbeing of an empath.

Therefore, you should include in your schedule a “social media and news fasting” every week. This means that you would completely avoid browsing through your feeds. The television would have to be turned off to block whatever breaking news might disrupt your regular shows.

Another method is to avoid using social media platforms or watching the news before going to bed. By doing so, you would be able to sleep better, which would ultimately do wonders to your physical and mental health.

Strategy #12: Meditate.

When it comes to negative energy, many empaths find meditation as one of the most valuable tools to combat stress and other disruptive environmental factors. Fortunately, you do not have to allow significant time for this activity. You could simply learn quick meditation techniques, and then practice them whenever you are feeling overwhelmed or tired.

As you meditate, try to refocus your mind on yourself only. Do not think about other people or your responsibilities. Aim to forge a healthy and loving relationship with your own body and mind. You need a strong connection between the two because you cannot successfully ward off negative energy with only just one of them. When you have achieved this feat, you will be able to better protect yourself from the harmful effects of interacting with different types of people every day.

Emotional Intelligence

Over the years, psychologists have come up with different definitions of emotional intelligence. Though the details vary from one expert to another, the consensus is that this type of intelligence appears to be almost non-existent among certain people who are book smart. Those people can solve complex mathematical problems or win debates through their careful research and ingenious arguments. However, when it comes to emotional control and awareness of others and their own selves, the book smart people seem to be lacking compared to those with only average grades but have higher levels of the so-called street smarts. This phenomenon gave rise to the notion that some other forms of intelligence exist besides what can be taught through books and classrooms.

Components of Emotional Intelligence

The following five abilities define emotionally intelligent individuals:

●      Empathy

This refers to the ability of a person to feel and understand the emotions of those around them in a deeper and more personal level, thus prompting the person to reach out and help those in need.

●      Motivation

A person is motivated when he or she strives to grow, improve, and achieve excellence in whatever they are doing.

●      Self-Awareness

Self-aware individuals recognize their own emotions, and how these emotions can affect their thoughts and actions.

●      Self-Regulations

People who can self-regulate are able to handle their emotions in an appropriate manner, control their impulses, and adapt to changes in their environment.

●      Social Skills

If someone can effectively collaborate, communicate, and inspire others, then that person is said to have good social skills.

Traits Associated with High Emotional Intelligence

Ben, a high school student, struggles to achieve respectable grades in grammar and literature. Getting a C on an essay is a challenge for him, and yet, he can converse well with his peers and teachers alike. He belongs to a large group of friends, and he gets an invite to almost every party. Other students enjoy spending lunch breaks with him, and teachers and other parents like him well enough due to his polite and affable nature. By the time of his graduation, Ben manages to make all the right decisions and gets himself into a great university, despite his academic struggles.

This scenario may sound familiar to you. It could be someone you know, or it could also be you, to a certain extent. Whichever the case may be, it is apparent that this is not a rare case of extreme luck or divine providence. Some may ascribe Ben’s situation to either of those probabilities, but it can be argued that his achievements in life are actually products of his high emotional intelligence.

To get a better picture of what emotional intelligence is, here are the common traits observed among people who are considered as street smart:

●     Possess the right communication skills that allow them to express themselves in a clear manner

●     Can recognize and regulate their emotional reactions toward a situation or another person

●     Able to gain other’s respect without demanding or begging for it

●      Considered as influential by the people around them

●     Know the right thing to say in order to get the results that they want

●     Able to successfully elicit help from others whenever they need assistance

●      Can effectively manage difficult situations

●     Able to keep their cool when they are under pressure

●      Effective at negotiating for good—or even better—terms

●     Can motivate their own selves in order to get things done

●     Able to keep a positive attitude especially during tough times

These traits do not strictly follow a single definition of emotional intelligence. Instead, these are the common behaviors and capabilities observed among people with reported high emotional intelligence. If this profile sounds too good to be true, keep in mind that like other forms of intelligence, emotional intelligence can be honed and improved upon through practice.

Chapter 5             Understanding Energy

What is energy?

Empathy is more specifically about being sensitive to subtle energy. But, what is this energy? It should be noted that this is more than the formula given by Albert Einstein. Rather, energy refers to everything. Yes, conventional science has already proven that everything is composed of energy, even emotions are made of energy. When you are an empath, you need to learn how to deal with this energy.

This energy is nothing new. It has been recognized and studied since ancient times. It is known by different names, depending on the place and culture. For example, in China, this energy is known as chi. In Japan, it is referred to as ki. In Greece, they call it pneuma. However, all these terms refer to the same energy, and it is the energy that pervades everything and with which everything is created. It is also worth noting that this energy does not die, but it can only be transmitted from one state into another. Energy is also present everywhere. There is energy inside you and all around you. Hence, there are a few people who go so far as to claim that energy is also God.

It should also be noted that energy changes, which means emotions also change. This is understandable, for example, you may be sad for one moment, and then happy In the next. The same principle applies when you deal with people. You can expect some changes in the quality of energy. As an empath, you need to learn how to be flexible enough and deal with varying energy degrees. As already mentioned, even emotions are energy. Hence, as an empath, you should have a good understanding of this energy. The best way to learn more about this energy is to have a direct experience of it through your senses. Therefore, it is only proper that you learn how to feel and see this energy.

How to feel the energy

The following exercise will allow you to feel the energy with your hands. The steps are as follows:

1. Relax.

2. Place your hands in front of you as if you were holding a ball.

3. Slowly take a deep breath. As you do, slowly move your hands apart.

4. Exhale slowly. As you do, bring your hands close together as close as possible, but be careful not to make them touch.

5. Repeat steps 3-4 as needed.

By doing this exercise, you will be able to feel the energy with your hands. If you are just starting out, it might take you several minutes before you feel anything. In fact, you might have to do this several times before you notice its effects. Energy usually comes in the form of heat, pressure, or you might also feel a tingling sensation on your hands. If you feel any of these, then that is most probably energy that you are feeling. Now, it should be noted that everything has an energy field. This energy field is what is known as an aura. It is a field of energy that surrounds everything – humans, animals, plants, and even inanimate objects have an aura. In order to make good use and test this exercise, you can try to feel the aura. After sensitizing your hands by doing the exercise, you can try to feel your own aura. Simply place your hand above your forearms and slowly move closer to it. You will soon feel some pressure or warm sensation. This is your aura. You can also try to feel the aura of another person. Simply stand a few feet from the subject with your hands facing outward. You can then slowly move towards your subject. You will soon feel your subject's aura on your palms.

There are several layers of the aura. A human aura is known to have four main layers: the etheric aura (the aura closest to the body), mental aura, emotional aura, and the spiritual aura. In psychism, the practitioners sense the aura of a person to help in treating diseases. It is believed that illnesses first manifest in the aura before they manifest on the physical body. The aura of a person also reflects their state of mind and emotional state. Hence, by learning how to read and sense the aura properly, you can be a more effective empath.

How to see the aura

You might also want to learn how to see the aura. Auric sight is one of the fascinating skills that you might want to learn. It will be able to help you understand a person more effectively. There are two main ways to see the aura: physically and psychically.

It should be noted that there should be nothing strange about physically seeing the aura. It is believed that everyone used to see their aura when they were young. However, as people grow, they tend to give more focus on gross material objects that they forget how to see the aura. The good news is that with enough practice, you can teach yourself to relearn how to see the aura. The steps are as follows.

For this exercise, you will need a neutral background. It is recommended to use a white background. The place should also be dimly lit. Some people even prefer to see the aura when it is pitch black dark. Now, I want you to relax. Put your hand out in front of you against a neutral background. Look at one of the fingers. Now, you need to do what is known as a soft focus. This is where you will look at your hand using your peripheral vision. You need to learn to focus lightly as you do this. If you do this as you relax, you will be able to see a faint light emitting from your hand. This is your aura.

In the beginning, you might only see a white field of energy. If you practice this exercise long enough, you will be able to see other colors. Other common colors are blue, red, and yellow.

You can also use this technique to see other people's aura. The key is to be able to see using your peripheral vision. Now, there is something that you need to take note of regarding the color of an aura. You should keep in mind that the color of an aura is subjective. In one experiment, different clairvoyants were gathered, and they were asked to look at the aura of a person. Surprisingly, they have different colors. At first, it seemed that they were just making things up, but a careful study revealed that it was due to the fact that the color that a person would see when looking at the aura is subjective. As an empath, you need to learn what certain colors may mean to you. For example, the color red may be interpreted as anger, but others may see it as love. It is up to you to find out what certain colors may mean to you. You should use this technique and observe the aura of people around you, as well as when you see them having different emotions. This way, you will know just what certain colors may mean. This is an effective way to help give you a signal if a person has good or negative energy. Indeed, being able to see the aura and understand the quality of energy and state of mind that it signifies can help you know if you should avoid certain people.

Now, let us move on and discuss how to see the aura psychically. For this exercise, you will need to have a well-developed intuition. The steps are as follows:

Look at a person. Now, just memorize whatever you see about the person. Memorize their face, clothes, and others. Now, close your eyes and visualize the person in front of you. Tell yourself that you want to see the person's aura. In your mind's eye, the aura of the person should gradually appear. Take note of it and try to interpret it.

This technique usually takes practice to learn it well. It should also be noted that when looking at an aura, whether physically or psychically, it is important to notice not just the color but also the shape of the aura. Last but not least, do not be discouraged if you fail to sense/see the aura on your first few attempts. Just keep on practicing and remember that feeling and seeing the aura is normal, especially if you are an empath.

How to protect yourself from energy vampires

Empaths are more exposed to energy vampires. What are energy vampires? Well, they are those who suck energy from you like a parasite. You are probably familiar with the experience of feeling drained after talking to a person. This is an excellent example of energy vampirism. This usually happens when you interact with a negative person. The reason for this is that those with a low vibration absorb energy from those with a higher vibration. Low vibration is characterized by those with negative energy, while a high vibration is characterized by positive energy. This is why when you interact with a negative person, it is you who will most likely feel drained. The good news is that there are preventive measures that you can take to protect yourself from these so-called energy vampires. Of course, the first thing that you will want to do is to avoid negative people, or at least stay away from them while you are still learning to take control of your empathic ability. Now, if an engagement with a negative person is unavoidable, then you can use a defensive technique by creating a wall between you and the negative person. This way, you would not be too attached or connected to them. The steps are as follows:

While you are interacting with the negative person, visualize a wall between you and the person. Know firmly in your mind that no negative energy can ever pass through this wall. This wall is very strong and effective. Do not doubt its power.

Another thing that you can do is to be in control of the conversation. A negative person will not be able to transfer or communicate to you their negativity if they have no opportunity to do so. So, try to be the one to lead the conversation. Another preventive measure that you can do is to create a bubble shield. This will be discussed later in this book.

It is good to learn to be familiar with seeing and feeling energy since as an empath, you are dealing mostly with energy. Although it is energy in the form of emotion, it is nonetheless still energy. The more that you understand energy, the more that you will be able to understand the people with whom you deal and interact with.

Empathy relates to emotions, while emotions are made of energy. Now, a common mistake is only to be sensitive to other people but insensitive to one's self. When you notice that you are already being affected and that it is already giving you a hard time to control the emotion/energy, then you should step back and take a break. Unfortunately, some empaths recognize this when it is already too late – when the energy/emotion has already affected them. This is why you need to be more sensitive to energy. Do not just feel them, but also pay more attention to the emotions that you pick up from other people. If it is a positive emotion, then there is no problem with it. However, in the case of a negative emotion or energy, then be sure to protect yourself. Since empathy deals with energy, it is only right that you attain mastery of the techniques that we have discussed.

When you are faced with a negative person or psychic vampire, you should remind yourself not to be too attached.  The more detached you are, the more that it will not be able to affect you. One of the best ways to do this is to divide your focus. By dividing your focus, you will be less attached to the negative energy. However, this does not mean that you should be rude and not give the other person any attention. Rather, it only advises that you should not give them your complete attention. For example, while talking with a negative person, you can, from time to time, also talk with a positive person. This way, the negative energy will be divided, which means that you will have to face less stress.

There are no hard and fast rules as to how you should deal with an energy vampire. It will depend on the situation. So, you might want to try the different techniques in this book. The more experience you gain, the more that you can identify the right technique to use in every situation.

Chapter 6             Empath Types

y now, you may be feeling reasonably confident that you experience empathy to an atypical degree. But to hone and master your empathic skills, you’ll need to determine what type of empath you are. Essentially, this is a question of what form of energetic vibration you pick up on the most easily.

The most common empath types are listed below. As you read, bear in mind that you might be a combination type--perhaps you resonate with the experiences of both geomantic and animal empaths, or emotional and Claircognizant empaths. Maybe you are a combination of more than just two types. There are also some forms of empathy which are so rare as to be widely unrecognized, and these empath types often don’t have official names.

While there are notable differences between them, all empath types are connected by a universal recognition of invisible forces and their effect on the physical world. As you enhance your sensitivity and strive towards spiritual expansion, you may discover new types of empathic connection within yourself. Stay open-minded.

Emotional Empaths

While the concept of empathy is difficult to measure, and it may be impossible to find accurate information on how many exist in our population today, it seems that emotional empaths are by far the most common type. It may be because of normal ranges of emotional empathy appearing present in most humans from birth. For most of us, the impulse to feel the emotions of others as deeply as our own weakens as we mature and develops a stronger sense of personal ego. Some of us, though, may hold onto these strong connections throughout our childhood, and then feel them even more powerfully as adults. Others may learn to bury their empathic feelings in adolescence, as peers put more and more pressure on them to toughen up and grow a thick skin, only to have their profoundly compassionate nature erupt with volcanic force at a later point in life. Many people discover their identities as emotional empaths through the breakdown of an emotionally unhealthy relationship.

Emotional empaths can feel the emotions of those who are physically close to them. If they have friends, family, or lovers whom they come to know intimately, they can sometimes even sense their emotions across vast distances, through phone calls or emails. Some empaths may also be able to detect the feelings of the important people in their lives while they aren’t in contact at all.

They are often keen at detecting energy shifts, even very minor ones. That is why emotional empaths can spot lies easily and are hard to keep secrets. They can usually feel unspoken group dynamics, or “vibes,” and can sense the tension in other people’s relationships, as well as sexual energy between others.

The emotional empath can often struggle to find a firm sense of self and maintain healthy boundaries in relationships. If you believe yourself to be a member of this group, you should take special care to avoid codependent behaviors with family members, lovers, and friends. Empaths may grow so accustomed to being full of the emotions of their loved ones, that they initially feel empty when left to their own devices. They also attract empathy-deficient types like flies to honey. Narcissists, in particular, can be very attractive to emotional empaths, who can benefit from the narcissist’s nervous energy in two ways, at first; the empath can feel the same admiration for the narcissist that the narcissist thinks for themselves, and also feel emboldened by the narcissist’s sense of confidence and lack of shame. This feeling of empowerment is intoxicating for the empath; it is usually fleeting, though, and often part of a cycle of abusive behavior that can have a truly corrosive effect on the empath’s self-love and potential for future independence.

Emotions can shape our thoughts and our perceptions of life, so it is essential to take control of your emotional well-being. Learn how to recognize the relationships in your life that are emotionally unhealthy, how to minimize your exposure to emotional vampires, and how to deflect unnecessary negativity.

Physical Empaths

They are believed to be the second most common empathic type; physical empaths are also often referred to as medical empaths. While emotional empaths might share the psychological pain of those around them, the physical empath can share pains that stem from injury or illness. They may also share pleasant physical sensations that are experienced in the bodies of others, such as comfort, soothing massage, tickling, or sexual stimulation, but this seems to be less common than the detection of ailments and disease.

Some physical empaths might not feel the pain in another person’s body; instead, they may merely see or sense the location of a disturbance or blockage in their energy field, stemming from an injury or illness that is invisible to the naked eye. This method is frequently used by empathic healers, practitioners of acupuncture, reiki, reflexology, and other non-western healing traditions.

For those who do share physical sensations, the impulse to work as a healer is something of a double-edged sword. Through exposure to so much discomfort, injury and sickness, the physical empath can take on enough symptoms to present as a patient with their chronic illness or autoimmune disease. They may find it frustrating or even fruitless to try and pursue a reliable diagnosis for the pains that plague them, as scans and tests will fail to detect any veritable causes.

Whether you wish to use your abilities to heal others, or merely want to navigate your way through life without aches and pains that aren’t yours to bear, as a physical empath, you’ll need to develop a strong energy shield. Learn to protect yourself before you attempt to cure other people. If you do become a healing practitioner of any sort, be sure to set aside plenty of alone time for yourself so that you can stay in touch with the feeling of your independent body, both in motion and at rest. Otherwise, you may run the risk of numbing yourself to your injuries or illnesses, unable to notice symptoms of your own before they grow deep roots and become difficult to treat.

Animal Empaths

Animal empaths appear to be reasonably rare. They are people who feel a stronger emotional or physical empathy towards animal species than they do with other humans.

Many animal empaths feel more comfortable in the company of any non-predatory animal species, and report that they can sense the needs and desires of animals. This ability often extends to multiple types of animals, but some empaths only have this strong connection with one group within the animal kingdom, with one specific species, or even with one individual animal. Some empaths seem to be able to locate or track animals in the wild more easily than most and are allowed to get closer to the native species than most humans would be. Very few empaths claim to have full telepathic connections with animals.

Most animals, especially those who live in packs, are natural empaths themselves. Without verbal communication, they have to be deeply sensitive to all the energetic dynamics around them for the sake of survival. Animals also lack awareness of many things that corrupt communication in human societies; they don’t feel self-conscious about the size of their bank accounts or ashamed of their body shapes. The honesty of the animal ego coupled with their ability to love fully and unconditionally, makes time with animals refreshing and energizing for most empath types.

If you identify as an animal empath, it might be wise to consider a vegan or vegetarian diet. If you must consume meat or animal products, aim to eat only those who are ethically sourced. This dietary change can have an enormous impact on your overall sense of well-being and inner balance. Some animal empaths report having such a strong connection to animal emotion as to be able to taste the fear of an animal slaughtered for meat. It is never a bad idea to try an elimination diet and get acquainted with the personalized needs of your digestive system; you may not even be aware of your food sensitivity until you try living a few weeks without meat or dairy, and realize you feel better than you ever have before.

If you don’t already work with animals, you might want to spare a few hours on an upcoming weekend to visit or even volunteer at a local animal shelter. Use this time to check-in with yourself and evaluate whether or not this exposure to animal energy has a positive or negative effect on your emotional state. If so, it may be worth it to adopt a pet of your own or start volunteering regularly.

Plant Empaths

Plant empaths appear to be about as rare as animal empaths. They can sense the distinct needs of plants and trees; thus, they make excellent gardeners, farmers, and caretakers of nature reserves. The plant empath has a natural green thumb; they can coax seeds to thrive in environments where they usually might wither, and they can predict the fate of a crop earlier in its growth period than most almanacs could.

Even rarer still, some plant empaths have deep and powerful connections with ancient trees. They claim to receive messages and wisdom from them.

Plant empaths can become emotionally and physically uncomfortable when they are distanced from the natural world for long periods. If you identify as a plant empath, it’s essential to fill your living space with live plants; think of caring for them as a part of your self-care routine, as they will generate a significant portion of the oxygen you breathe every day.

You may also want to make an effort to consume organic fruits, vegetables, and herbs--and very fresh ones, if possible. Sign up for a share of a local farm’s crop yield, or patronize farmers markets whenever you can. Unlike animals, the primary purpose of all plants on this earth is to store and transform energy from the sun, so there is no need to feel any sense of guilt in consuming them if they are grown ethically. However, you might want to investigate the source of any product that is hard to find locally grown and organic; global consumer demand pushes some farmers to produce or distribute their crops in ways that negatively affect the surrounding environment. If you are particularly sensitive to plant energies, such a circumstance might present within you as an inability to digest the food in question, or a phantom sense of anxiety or depression after eating it.

The plant empath can often struggle to connect deeply with other humans. They might even resent humanity on a global level for the many forms of destruction we’ve levied against the natural world. As difficult as it might be, the plant empath should make an effort to reach beyond their comfort zone and foster connection with at least a handful of people, preferably some who share their deep concern for plant life. They might find it helpful to join an environmental organization to see such people while giving back to the natural world at the same time.

Geomantic Empaths

A geomantic empath has a genuinely phenomenal ability to pick up on the energetic vibrations of inanimate objects or inorganic materials. They are also sometimes referred to as environmental empaths.

Geomantic empaths generally fall into one of two categories. First, some are connected to individual objects, rooms or buildings, and can sense their histories. This type of geomantic empath will have extreme preferences for or aversion to previously owned clothing, household items, or cars, and can only live in buildings with happy emotional legacies.

The second type of geomantic empath maintains a connection to the earth itself, and all rocks and stones that were once a part of it, even the grains of sand on a beach or the microscopic minerals in salt or drinking water. These empaths can often detect impending natural disasters before any branch of science can predict them.

Both of these geomantic empath types tend to have heightened sensitivities to natural materials. Stone and rock, of course, but also wood (raw, petrified, or in any other state), hemp and linen, seashell and bone--these are all excellent materials to incorporate into your living space if you identify as a geomantic empath. You may also find that you reap even more significant benefits from crystal healing than most, so it’s a great idea to fill your home with healing stones and lots of natural light. Grounding is also an excellent way for you to practice self-care, restore balance, and recharge, particularly near seashores, mountain ranges, or patches of earth that are undisturbed by modern architecture and technology.

History and art museums can be emotional rollercoasters for the geomantic empath, who feels deep connections to items and can be overwhelmed by the energetic charge of anything that’s been on this planet for longer than the average human life-span.

Geomantic empaths are deeply connected to natural ecosystems, so they can find great joy through championing environmental causes. Join an organization that works to stop marine pollution or deforestation, or donate money to help sustain a nature reserve that is especially meaningful to you. You may also find you have a talent for designing homes or workspaces inspired by nature; you could easily thrive in the fields of green planning or organic design. Living in dense cities, or close to fault lines that cause frequent earthquakes and tremors, can ultimately have a destabilizing effect on you. They can disrupt your sense of inner balance.

Claircognizant Empaths

Also referred to as intuitive, claircognizant empaths can sense more about the people around them than their current emotional state or physical sensations. They pick up on energetic vibrations and frequencies, which sometimes allow them to receive specific messages about another person’s past, future, or current circumstances beyond feelings. For instance, an emotional empath might meet someone new and sense only that the person is excited and happy, and the physical empath might share the feeling of butterflies in their stomach; the claircognizant empath, meanwhile, might be able to decipher that the cause of these sensations is a budding new romance. They can sometimes even pick up on more specific details, like the name or age of this person’s new love.

Claircognizant empaths are quite rare, and those who do claim to possess this ability are, unfortunately, very often found to be frauds. If you are ever seeking assistance from a claircognizant empath, be very wary of those who appear to mass market their abilities, and especially those who adamantly pursue business from people in a state of grief or desperation.

If you identify as a claircognizant empath, be mindful of the fact that this rare gift comes with its fair share of risks and dangers. Reaching a state of emotional intimacy with others may prove to be a lifelong challenge for you, as you will struggle to recognize boundaries or to foster trust with others. If you choose to incorporate your empathic power into your career, be careful to maintain a balance between your work and your personal life, and don’t allow your intuitive knowledge to lure you into a warped sense of confidence or invulnerability. No matter how strong your claircognizant power is, the world can always surprise you.

Medium Empaths

An empath may identify as a medium if they can sense or communicate with spirits who have passed away. They are also sometimes referred to as channels. Their powers most often work as a telephone wire, translating or transporting messages from a precisely defined source outside of the mortal or physical realm to interested parties here on earth. Occasionally, mediums can function as a surrogate body for a deceased entity, letting the spirit’s voice, mannerisms, posture, and facial expressions flow throughout their bodies while the empath falls into a sort of black-out state.

No matter what form a medium receives messages in, their gifts are extremely rare and often present very differently from one empath to the next. Some mediums can choose when and how they receive signals from the beyond, while others seem to receive messages at the whim of the spirits they commune with, whether their timing is convenient or not. Some mediums channel messages from the divine rather than from the deceased. The one definitive trait that all mediums share is the ability to source information from the immortal plane more easily than they can interpret messages from the living.

As with claircognizant empathy, there are unfortunately many con artists and frauds who falsely claim to possess this type of power and use these feigned abilities for the sake of personal financial gain, at the expense of believers and right mediums in turn. If you genuinely can sense energy or messages from the deceased, there is nothing wrong with offering assistance to those grieving the loss of a loved one; furthermore, there is nothing wrong with asking for adequate payment, since channeling this energy can be quite physically and emotionally taxing for the empath. However, everyone should be wary of mediums who pursue clients, knowing they are in grief or otherwise emotionally vulnerable.

Many mediums find the experience of channeling all-encompassing and immensely exhausting. If you identify as a medium empath, you have likely already learned to be careful about which spirits you allow to use your body and mind as a channel. Corruption or possession by malicious spirits is a severe risk, and since there are so few empaths and healers in the world who are equipped to eradicate such afflictions, you are better off avoiding the possibility entirely. Stick with spirits that you feel comfortable with, and trust in your gut instincts. Be ready to disconnect any channel the instant you sense the threat of danger.

Precognitive Empaths

A precognitive empath is attuned to the energetic vibrations of the future. Most, however, do not claim to have any clear or precise predictions of days to come, and they often have very little control over how and when they receive information. A large number of precognitive empaths receive their empathic knowledge through dreams or visions, and the information they see is usually abstract or symbolic. Some precognitive empaths receive information while awake, but again, they are often the only privy to a general sense of foreboding or dread before a catastrophe, rather than being granted the precise information needed to prevent the disaster or adequately warn others — some sense future happenings primarily through strong repetitive feelings of deja vu or phantom anxieties.

Precognitive empaths may find that the ancient myth of Cassandra resonates deeply with their experience, eloquently illustrating how their empathic gift can be as much of a curse as it is a blessing. In this myth, Cassandra was at first a mortal princess; the god Apollo fell in love with her from afar, and approached her, hoping to win her affections by offering her the godly power of prophetic foresight. Cassandra accepted the gift at first and agreed to be his paramour, but then changed her mind. Furious, Apollo layered a curse atop her supernatural gift; henceforth, Cassandra would see the future, but no matter how she tried to warn others of what was coming, no one would ever believe her. Eventually, people came to think of her as insane.

Similarly, precognitive empaths are likely accustomed to having their claims dismissed or disbelieved. Many even grow deeply discouraged by the opinions of non-believers, and give up on their gifts, distancing themselves from their prophetic knowledge on purpose. Like any form of empathy, precognitive ability it not fixed; it can be nourished and strengthened or starved and weakened. If you identify as a precognitive empath and wish to enhance your skills, an excellent place to start is with regular dream journaling. The more frequently and diligently you record the abstract symbols and messages you come across in your dreams, the more likely you are to notice patterns or important details that stand out.

Chapter 7             Overcoming Your Fears

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Social Anxiety

Due to how overwhelming it can be for empaths to be in large groups, particularly children who don’t understand what they are experiencing, many develop social anxiety. First of all, realize that this is completely normal and not a weakness. It is a challenge that will make you stronger in the long run. Millions of people have social anxiety, and the majority is not even empaths. Empaths pick up on any toxic energy and emotions that are in the crowd. You would be hard-pressed to find a large group of people who were all only emoting positivity. Although you may choose to see a therapist to help you through social anxiety, there are also things you can do on your own. These suggestions should not replace or interfere with what a therapist tells you to do but can be used as supplements.

Social anxiety is an irrational level of stress about interacting with other people and the preoccupation with how people are judging you. It leads to feeling embarrassed, inadequate, and extremely self-conscious. Experiencing an irrational level of stress makes you an irrational person. It is important to face your social anxiety and try to improve upon it, as empaths tend to be introverted, to begin with.

The majority of people have situations that make them nervous or uncomfortable. Being nervous occasionally is normal; it doesn’t mean you have social anxiety. Your nervousness becomes an issue when it prevents you from doing things you would otherwise like to do, such as going to a party, or would be beneficial to your life, such as leading an important presentation at work. Social anxiety can manifest itself with physical symptoms, such as flushing in the face, neck, and ears, trembling, nausea, and sweating.

Do You Have Social Anxiety?

Check the following statements if they apply to you:

●  I often avoid social situations because I feel I’m being judged.

●  My anxiety in social situations often manifests itself with physical symptoms.

●  The physical symptoms create a vicious cycle, making me even more anxious. I know people are judging me for them!

●  My anxiety about social situations regularly affects my family, work, friendships, and romantic relationships.

●  I dread one-on-one conversations with people I don’t know well.

●  I rarely feel comfortable interacting with a group of strangers.

●  I often use my phone as a shield to avoid participating in conversations.

●  I frequently use alcohol or other substances to help me feel more at ease in a social situation.

If you have checked two or more of these, you likely have social anxiety. But don’t despair! Identifying the issue is the first step to fixing it.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

The following methods are tailored to help empaths with social anxiety; however, with slight modifications, they can also benefit non-empaths. If you choose to seek therapy for your social anxiety, please let your therapist know that you’re an empath or have qualities of an empath. This will help them to adjust your cognitive behavioral therapy to best help you. You may even find that your therapist is an empath too! Many empaths are drawn to this line of work.

Imagine the worst-case scenario. When you have come up with an extremely negative outcome, analyze the likelihood that this could happen. If you have a presentation coming up at work, your worst-case scenario could be that you would open your mouth to begin, regurgitate your last meal, and be fired. When you think about it in this manner, you will realize that the actual likelihood of this happening is absurdly low. Now that you considered and rejected the extreme, rationally think about the most likely outcome. You may stutter a few times or not keep eye contact; nothing that will get you fired or even reprimanded. Keep in mind that this is your area of expertise. People are attending the presentation to hear what you have to say for a reason, and it is not to see you fail. To take a pessimistic view of people, they would consider it a waste of their time.

Use your nervous energy to prepare. Practice your upcoming presentation. Do it in front of the mirror. Give the presentation to your spouse. Use your self-care techniques the morning of your presentation so that you are as relaxed as possible. Before the presentation, try to get some alone time, when you can separate the emotions you are feeling through other people from your own. Your nervousness is enough to deal with; don’t compound it with the negative emotions of others. If you have a coworker who’s consistently happy and confident, try to spend some time with them right before the presentation. Embrace their emotions and positive energy. Avoid the negative people, if possible.

Change your thought patterns. People with social anxiety tend to have a negative, cyclical way of thinking about social situations. For example, the more stressed you are, the more likely you are to have physical symptoms. This gives you even more to worry about. You may begin the conversation already stressed, but then, as you analyze everything you are saying in a conversation, you reprimand yourself and think of how you could have said it better. Try to stop and think rationally. You may have stuttered a couple of times during a conversation. Would you judge someone for stuttering? Is it really a big deal? Remind yourself that as an empath, you are naturally a good listener. Try to concentrate on being a good listener, rather than focusing on judging yourself. This should come naturally to you!

It can be helpful to remember that as much as you are judging yourself, the people you are interacting with are likely doing the same thing. Unfortunately, for an empath, this means that they are absorbing this energy from the people around them. This is an instance in which getting in the habit of practicing separation of your emotions from the emotions of others will be important.

Are you only thinking about what you did wrong? Perhaps you were blushing when you told a funny joke that got a great reaction. Stop thinking about the blush and think about how people enjoyed the joke!

Are you focused too much on the past? Were you made fun of in school? Well, you’re an adult now; you are no longer that awkward preteen. You don’t judge others by how they were when they were younger, so why would they judge you like that? More importantly, why would you judge yourself like that? Think of all you have accomplished and how much you have changed.

People often say that you should treat others the way you would treat yourself. But, as an empath, you should treat yourself the way you would treat others—with compassion, kindness, and generosity.

It takes time and patience to change your negative thought patterns. You don’t have to be completely positive at all times. Just try to be rational and logical in the way you are thinking.

Change your behaviors. Do you have certain crutches that you use in social situations? Maybe you are always checking your phone. You might have a couple of friends that you cling to when you are at an event. Take the time to reflect on what you do in social situations. You probably crutch that you don't even realize. Write them down. Journal about how you could stop using them altogether or alter them. Most importantly, begin implementing these ideas.

Desensitize yourself. Gradually expose yourself to more situations that give you social anxiety. Do this slowly, so you don’t become overwhelmed. If one of your social crutches is a group of friends that you don’t branch out from, start by trying to socialize with other people at an event while they are there. You still have your support system to fall back on if necessary. Eventually, you can go to social events that your support group is not attending. Ridding yourself of this crutch doesn’t mean you have to give up your friends! You are simply expanding your comfort level with others.

You may never like large social events. There is nothing wrong with that, but you can handle attending them when necessary or beneficial. There’s no reason for you not to have an active and healthy social life. Take the initiative and plan smaller events with your close friends and family.

Our goal is to go against your inclination to avoid social situations. You may never feel completely comfortable with certain social groups and situations, but you will be better equipped to handle them when they arise. You may never enjoy large, loud, meetings at work. But if other than those meetings you love your job, you can teach yourself to be able to handle it.

Use visualization. Empaths tend to be daydreamers. Harness that natural inclination, visualize the social situation you are dreading, and how you will handle yourself. Visualize yourself giving a fantastic presentation at work. Visualize yourself socializing with people you don’t know at a party. Think about the insightful comments you will make and the interesting topics you’ll bring up.

Your skills as an empath will make overcoming social anxiety harder for you than the average person. Remember that you are not average—you have an exceptional skill! Conquering your social anxiety will make you an even stronger person. If you and your trained medical professional decide that an anti-anxiety medicine is right for you and your social anxiety, this is nothing to be ashamed of. You are using the tools you have at your disposal to help yourself live a more healthy and well-rounded life. Consider this: would you judge someone else for taking anti-anxiety medications? Of course not. Don’t judge yourself either.

Social Anxiety Challenges

You don’t have to live with the strain of social anxiety. You may always be a little nervous about certain social situations, but you should work to get yourself to the point that you don’t completely avoid them. Challenge yourself to expand your boundaries and increase your comfort level in uncomfortable situations.

Check off once complete. Do as many or as few as you like. Make your own, based on the situations that make you anxious, focusing on the particular areas you want to improve.

●  Present an idea at work that you are confident in that will be well-received.

●  Present an idea at work that you are confident in, but is riskier in how it will be received.

●  Start a conversation with a coworker you have only had brief interactions with.

●  Make conversation with a stranger (in a safe, public setting).

●  Take yourself out to lunch. Leave your phone in your pocket and your reading material at home.

●  Show up to a dinner party by yourself.

●  Join a book club.

●  Start a book club.

●  Ask your new neighbor to join you for a stroll around the neighborhood.

●  Go for a walk by yourself and acknowledge the people you pass by. Keep your eyes off the ground.

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Fear of Rejection

Most people fear rejection, but for an empath, this can be particularly poignant. Empaths are inherently loyal, caring, and generous, especially with the people they care about the most. As highly sensitive people, it is excruciating when they are shut out of someone’s life or betrayed.

As empaths are often portrayed incorrectly in pop culture, they may be reluctant to “come out” to the people in their life. They worry that they will be viewed as weird and flaky or that they simply won’t be believed. But you should feel free to tell people who you really are. Clarify what it means to be an empath. Make it clear that you do not view yourself as a supernatural being. Explain why certain people, places, and situations are stressful to you. This will help your loved ones to understand why you might tend to skip certain events or don’t like to give long hugs. People that truly love you will continue to love and support you. They may never truly understand your gift, but give them a chance to accept it and accept you as you truly are.

Fear of Intimacy

While empaths fear rejection above all, they also fear to get too close to another person. They become overwhelmed with the aspect of dealing with the intensity of their own feelings, compounded with the strength of another person’s feelings. As empaths enjoy having alone time, the prospect of the sensory overload from this much physical and emotional proximity can be very daunting. However, when you find the right partner, the relationship can empower you and help you feel more supported, connected, and grounded.

When you are entering into an intimate relationship, be open about who you are and what you need. Explain that you are an empath and what that means to you and the people in your life. This may not be a first date conversational topic, but don’t wait too long. How the person reacts will be very telling. If someone misunderstands what an empath is, be understood of this and explain it to them. However, if you are mocked for being an empath, this is not someone you want in your life. Make sure that when you’re in a relationship, you continue to focus on your self-care, as well as separating your emotions. You need someone who can handle when you need time alone.

Tips for Empaths in Intimate Relationships

1. Schedule some “me time” each day. This doesn’t have to be a lot of time; you have a full schedule already! But you can spare five or ten minutes a day to take a walk, write in your journal, whatever you need to do to ground yourself and decompress. Once a week, schedule an hour to be alone and practice your self-care. Take a bath, meditate, do yoga, go for a hike, or spend time with your pet.

2. Be honest with your partner. If you need some extra time alone, be clear with them. If you had a day full of hand-shaking and meetings, you might need to sleep alone that night. Reassure your partner that it has nothing to do with them and you are just taking care of yourself. A worthy partner will respect that.

3. Ask your partner to be honest with you about their needs. If they are having a crisis and your partner needs you during your scheduled alone time, you don’t want them to be afraid to tell you. When this happens, you can compromise. For example, you could give up your “me time” one day and take some extra time over the weekend. Or you could have a nice long talk, and then sleep separately.

4. If you cohabitate with your partner, have some physical space in your home that’s just yours. Pop culture would refer to this as a “she-shed” or a “man-cave.” But any space that is your own will do. Even if you share a bed on most nights, having your own bedroom you can retreat to can be helpful. If you live in a temperate climate, a garden, gazebo, patio, or porch might be right for you. Even a large closet that you convert into a reading nook or meditation area could work. The most important thing is that you make it your own and you feel at ease when in the space. Unless there is an emergency, your pet should be the only visitor when you are in this space.

5. Remember, how you feel is just as important as how your partner feels. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Don’t be afraid to express an opinion that differs from his/her own. If you are an empath, one of your fears of being in an intimate relationship is likely that you will lose your sense of self to the other person. It is in your power to stop that from happening. Remember, your partner loves you for you. They want to be with you as you are, not simply an extension of them. If they want an extension of themselves, it may be time to consider finding a worthier partner.

Conquering fear of intimacy is important. Love is a crucial part of life, and with your gift, you can experience it even more strongly than most people. It is a lucky person who’s loved by an empath. Be sure that in choosing a person to be in an intimate relationship with that you avoid Energy Vampires. As an empath, they will be drawn to you. See or details.

Fear of Being Selfish

From a young age, we are taught that being selfish is bad. As people grow up, most of them forget this and become selfish. This is not the case for empaths. They continue to fear being selfish, even though they are the least likely people to be. It is important to remember there is a huge difference between being selfish and being someone who loves and takes care of himself/herself.

If you plant seeds but don’t water them, you wouldn’t expect to have flowers to pick. Likewise, you can’t expect to be able to help others if you don’t take care of yourself first. Taking care of yourself and making yourself a priority doesn’t make you selfish. In fact, it will give you the energy to do more good in the world! You must learn balance. Determine how much time and energy you need to give to yourself so that when you help others, you can do so in a healthy, meaningful way.

The first step in overcoming any fear is to acknowledge it. Don’t be ashamed of it. Fear is a natural reaction to danger. Humankind would be extinct by now if it weren’t for fears. Don’t ignore your fears; denial won’t get you anywhere. Forgive yourself for having fears and those who have caused you to have fears. You may have developed a fear of rejection after being rejected; forgive the person who rejected you. There is no need to invite a toxic person who doesn’t accept you for you back into your life. However, holding onto anger and resentment only does a disservice to you. It doesn’t affect the person you are angry with. Forgiving allows you to let go, move on, and start conquering your fear. It gives you room in your life to let in positive emotions, good vibes, and people who are worth your time and energy.

The Universal You (Universal Connection)

This is where things get a little tricky. Emotions are easy to understand. Even if you have trouble grasping emotional intelligence and rational emotion, it is not something you have never heard or even considered before. However, this next topic has been a host to controversy especially in religious circles.  As much as I want to avoid the topic of religion, it can’t be ignored when discussing the idea of universal existence, which may not seem like it now, but is fundamental in developing as an Empath.

The basic idea is simple but has a massive implication. Everyone is connected. If you are a spiritual person you might already be aware of human spiritual connection. A more logical person will note the ways in which humans are physically connected to one another through institutions of marriage, family, etc. You would both be right. The universal connection is both spiritual and physical. To explain this, I am going to use the big bang theory. As you probably know, creationist religions rebuke the idea of the big bang theory, so if you belong to one of these religions just bear with the explanation for now. I will touch on religion briefly afterward.

In a nutshell, the big bang theory states that a mass of highly condensed matter rapidly expanded, in an explosion-like manner (and is in fact still expanding today), which resulted in our current universe. Space, the stars, the planets, us. For the sake of argument, say this theory is correct. That would mean that the entire universe is made of the same materials, just formed in different ways. Everything is made of the same blocks. I am made up of the same blocks you are made from, which are the same blocks that build my cat, the exact same blocks that build the chair I’m sitting on. These same blocks build the world we live in. They build the other planets in the solar system, as well other solar systems all together! You are made up of the same building blocks as entire galaxies. This is the concept of the universal you. You, being just a mass of atoms spawning from the creation of the universe, are a part of that universe. In fact, you are a universe, your own universe. In order to locate your universal self, you must realize this truth.

Now I want to take the time to address the religious concerns. As stated before, creationist religions believe that there is one or a handful of omnipotent beings which created the earth and its inhabitants. According to these teachings any human who believes they are comparable to these gods or are part of the cosmos are displaying extreme hubris. However, even if you believe in one of these religions you can still believe in the universal oneness. Did God not make us from the same building blocks? Are the animals, plants, and even dirt not created through his domain? Whether you are spiritual, religious, or agnostic, the universal connection between life forms is undeniable. That connection is the most important thing to the developing or expert Empath. It might be explained with religion or reason, but the Empath can feel that connection. It is this universal connection that gives the Empath’s abilities their strength.

The path to strengthening your universal connection will be difficult, much more difficult then perfecting your emotional intelligence. For starters, though emotions are abstract, they can be expressed and understood in a concrete manner. However, the universal connection is hard to prove, except through theories. Even then, then the lack of concrete evidence will leave the majority of others in doubt. The only true way to increase your universal connection is through mediation. We feel our universal connection to others through our souls, the connection is spiritual. It should the come as no surprise that spiritual practices, such as meditation, are necessary to strengthen our ability to perceive the universal connection. By practicing meditation, one increases their spiritual awareness. It is this awareness that allows you to slowly perceive the connection between each other. If you are already aware of the universal connection, then meditation will make it stronger. However, if you are not doing the right mediation, then practicing it won’t help you realize your universal connection. There are many ways to meditate and things to meditate on. In order to strengthen your spiritual connection, you must focus your mediation on. Like all meditation it is best to find a quiet place with dim lights. Turn off the music and TV and make sure you will not be disturbed.  Sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes and start to think. The first part of meditation is to clear your head. Forget about what you did today, what you will do today, and how you feel, just focus on being. It will take a while but make sure your head is completely empty. Once you have cleared you mind of all things you can begin introducing focus of your meditation. Think to yourself “I want to feel the connection of my fellow man.” Begin considering. Consider people who are like you, consider people who are different. Think about people you know and how they act or think about people you don’t know and how they might act. If you are having problems thinking about what to meditate on, consider this: Though we are all connected we still have our individuality. It is what makes us unique. Our mediation is simply meant to explore and reconcile these differences, while learning that these differences do not separate us, they bring us together. We are all unique yet all one.

Now it’s time for our two factors, Emotions and Universal Connection, and use them to master the empathic gift. One who can perceive the universal connection understands that all beings are one in the same. The combination of these practices results in acquiring the ability to fully understand and comprehend your fellow man’s actions, thoughts, and emotions. You will have fully developed your Empathic ability. A word of caution, if you do not have the empath gift inherently this will take time. Most of us have shut ourselves off from the universal connection. We are taught to take care of our needs first. We consider our lifestyles and how people affect us. The mediation and emotional intelligence will help you to regain your connection to the human race, but only through proper maintenance of these practices will you keep from regressing into your old habits. If you have inherently awakened your Empathic ability, you will still have to mediate and work on your emotional intelligence, you just happen to have a head start. Regardless of who you are, if you keep up these practices with the understanding, we discussed you will be able to master the Empathic ability.

Chapter 8             A Step-By-Step Guide to Develop Your Potential

Self-awareness is the key to developing your true potential. Developing your potential does not happen in a day. You need to give it days and months. You need to plan it properly before executing it. To help you out in this process, here is a step-by-step guide on how you can develop your potential.

Step 1 – Figure Out the Best Version of Yourself

One of the first steps towards developing your potential is to figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are. This will, in turn, help you to describe what the best version of you is. This will also increase your level of self-awareness. You are comprised of your weaknesses and strengths and figuring out these will also assist you in identifying the goals of your life. Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be. But the common misconception that everyone has is that becoming the best version of yourself means that you have to look good. But it is completely wrong. It is not about sculpted muscles or well-kept hair. It is more about your intellectual richness.

Another thing that you need to stop if you want to develop your potential is that you have to stop people-pleasing. You need to start putting yourself and your needs first. If you are a people pleaser, then everyone will keep taking advantage of you and you will not have any time in your life that you can spend on your growth. If you want to take the responsibility of shaping your career, then you need to start by knowing yourself better and performing an accurate assessment of your character. When you figure you who you are and what you want, treading on a path becomes a lot easier because then you will have the courage and strength to weather personal setbacks. You will also be able to work the long hours without a frown on your forehead.

Step 2 – Take Feedback from Others

Taking feedback from others is a very important part of self-growth and increasing your potential. But for empaths, this can be quite a struggle especially for those who cannot handle criticisms properly. For starters, you should not be defensive to anyone who is simply trying to give you positive feedback. If you face any such problems in facing criticisms, then you need to work upon improving your receptivity to feedback.

If there is no one to correct you, then your weaknesses will keep growing and after a certain point of time, they will overshadow your abilities. But feedbacks can keep your weaknesses in check. When you learn to take feedback with an open mind, you will know how empowering it can be. The first response to feedback that is usually given by people is stress or fear. Whenever there is some sort of feedback coming your way, you might feel the tension rising. But if you want to accept that feedback, you will have to calm down and focus on your growth opportunity. Only then will you learn about the points which you need to focus on to increase your potential both professionally and personally.

Step 3 – Work on Your Decision-Making Skills

Intuition plays a big role in every step of the way for an empath and their decisions are also affected. But intuition can also become misled and if that happens, then you will end up making a lot of bad decisions. So, if you want to tread on the path of increasing your potential, then you also need to focus on improving your intuitive decision-making skills. One of the best things about correct intuitive decisions is that they will help you complete a lot of tasks faster. This is because when you are doing something daily, they can be handled in an automated manner with the assistance of your intuitive decision-making skills. This will help you to take time out for other important tasks.

You should learn about the line between intuition and desire because people often tend to get confused between them. When people want something to happen at a very intense level, they often tend to ignore what their intuition is telling them to do. Besides, you should also remember that intuition is fallible. Don’t stay under the illusion that whatever you are thinking is always right because it might not be the case at all times. Sometimes, your mind loves to conjure up thoughts that are not even close to being true. So, whenever you are making a decision always think about the pros and cons of an alternate decision as well so that you are not stuck in the same mindset in a loop.

Step 4 – Identify Your Emotional Triggers

The next step to enhancing your potential is to control the way you behave or react to every situation in life. That said, there are some situations that tend to trigger a series of emotional reactions in you which can be overwhelming and they also tend to affect your work productivity. So, to control your emotional response, you need to identify what are the triggers that are responsible for such a response. This process can be challenging but once you figure out the triggers that are behind this, you can easily come up with a plan to deal with them and focus on self-growth.

The key to identifying these emotional triggers is to pinpoint the moment when you are getting affected by these triggers. Whenever you notice any unusual bodily reactions, you need to write down what extreme thoughts are going on in your mind. You need to journal everything down and then you will be able to notice a pattern that will help you identify the situation or the object that triggered those emotions.

Step 5 – Start Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries are an important part of living a healthy and happy life. It also increases your productivity levels. To set boundaries, you need to know where you stand and so you have to identify your emotional, physical, and mental limits. Think about all those things which you can and cannot tolerate and then set the boundaries accordingly. Make sure you keep these boundaries strong otherwise there is no use of setting them. This will also help you maintain the integrity of your goals. When it comes to an empath, the presence of a boundary becomes all the more important. As an empath, you will tend to go beyond your limits to help someone but that will cause harm to yourself. So, setting boundaries will help you remember what your responsibilities are and what are someone else’s responsibilities.

Setting boundaries will help you to conserve your emotional and physical energy which you can use in other tasks and enhance your potential. If you are finding it difficult to set your boundaries, then you should start thinking about what amount of attention the situation at hand needs. If a situation makes you feel uncomfortable and resentful constantly, then you need to have some clear-cut boundaries for your well-being.

Step 6 – Practice Self-Discipline

Self-discipline is a learned practice. It does not happen in a day. When you master this trait, you will be able to focus on yourself even more. If you want to stay focused on your goals and not deviate from the path then practicing self-discipline is very important. It will help you to keep your desires under control that can compromise your work potential. The main aim of self-discipline is to help you form those habits which can help you go a long way in your life and achieve your goals faster.

You might have heard yourself or others saying that they do not have the willpower to do something. This is because they do not have the self-discipline to stick to something. Change is not easy but if you try your best then mastering self-discipline will not seem an unreachable concept. No one wakes up one fine morning to find that they have been bestowed with self-discipline. You should start by identifying your weak points and then eliminate the temptations. For example, if social media is hindering your work pace, then turn off your internet and keep your phone away while you are working. Apart from this, you should always visualize your long-term rewards in your mind and this will help you stay focused.

Step 7 – Be Open-Minded

Keeping an open mind is one of the most difficult things to master. But when you try to understand what someone else is trying to say even if you disagree with their point of view, you will see how free your mind becomes. If you keep yourself stuck in the same mindset for years, then it is very easy to become frustrated. That is why you need to open yourself to new ideas and gradually change the way you think. If you are trying to simplify your life, then being open-minded is the key to it. Moreover, the more you open your mind, the less you will be in control of your thoughts. This will help you get exposure to newer ideas and thus, you will learn how you can challenge your existing beliefs.

But getting exposure to new things does not necessarily mean that you have to change your mind. It only means that you get the chance to think about several new things that you didn’t know about before. Yes, developing an open mind means making yourself vulnerable and that is the scariest thing anyone can opt to do. You will make mistakes on your way as well but these mistakes will help you learn. With time, your sense of self will become strong and your potential will automatically grow. For empaths, having an open mind can be considerably difficult but once you master it, you will gain a lot of self-confidence.

Step 8 – Always Be Open to Experiencing New Things

Some people crave for new things in life while others fear it. But when you are open to new things, they will teach you different lessons that will benefit you in both your professional and personal life. You need to try something new – something you have never tried to do before – and for that, you need to come out of your comfort zone. Careers are often built when people try to dip their toes in a pond and end up loving the pond so much that they start swimming in it. Growth does not come from doing what you always do. Growth is only possible when you try out new things or take some new action.

You will often notice beneficial changes taking place the moment you thrust yourself to encounter new things in your life. You will experience a sense of constant self-challenge. This will not only allow you to see what things are there in the world outside your own beliefs but it will also keep you humble. When you do something unfamiliar, your body will respond in a different way that you never thought existed. Another thing that you can do is take a solo trip somewhere and learn from the experiences you have because they will help you to discover your true self.

Step 9 – Keep Yourself Motivated

It is always your choice whether you want to do something or not. At times, when the situations become challenging and hard, you might think about giving up. But you know what? You shouldn’t. When you start seeing the positivity around you by motivating yourself, you will be able to develop your potential. The best kind of motivation is self-motivation as it is a result of love. When external factors and the idea of pleasing others drive you to do something, the result is not a labor of love. Sometimes, this driving force is enough to get your work done but will it help you in increasing your excellence by harvesting your passion? No. When you are self-motivated, you will find yourself doing better quality work and you will be enjoying the work you do.

The first step to start motivating yourself is to set goals but realistic ones. Do not set goals that you know you cannot achieve because when you fail, you will get into a cycle of self-loathing which is quite devastating for your mental health. You do not necessarily have to set big goals. Start by setting goals of smaller proportions because they are easier to achieve and they will act as milestones to your ultimate goal in life. Take risks in life but only up to the right levels. When you set your goals, be committed to them, and make up your mind to walk the extra mile in order to achieve your goals. You will face obstacles in your path but you should also build the strength to deal with them and handle setbacks properly with a positive mindset.

Step 10 – Cut Off Unsupportive People from Your Circle

You should always keep yourself surrounded by only those people who energize and encourage you to work better every day. They should inspire you in every step of the day. If you have people in your circle who leave a negative influence on you, then you should cut them off otherwise they will hinder you from reaching your full potential. Whenever you are in a positive environment, you will be amazed at how fast your work speed will become. When you choose the right people in your life, they will guide you towards the right path instead of demotivating you. You will find several people in your life who will keep telling you that you cannot achieve something or that you are not meant for what you desire the most. You need to keep these people away from you because they are toxic.

In case of an empath, when they interact with a person who knows and understands their potential, they feel compelled to take action. Cutting off negative influences does not only include your real life but also social media. Find relevant communities online and become an active member with them. Another way to do this is to find an accountability partner. You should be able to share your experiences and progresses with this person. You can also try mentoring someone in your field or niche who is just starting.

So, if you are regretting your current position in life or are frustrated about your growth chart, then this chapter will help you increase your potential. The steps have been curated after careful consideration of the various feelings that go through the mind of an empath. If you are at a crossroads where you think you are not doing enough to reach your goals, then it is time for you to take a step back and then reassess yourself keeping these steps in mind. In the end, it is all about you believing in your abilities and knowing that no one can stop you from doing what you want if you truly want to do it.

How to embrace the Empathic Gift: The ups and downs of your power

Once you have awakened some semblance of your empathic gift you will notice differences in your daily life. You will start to predict things that seem unpredictable. You will have better conversations with people, meaning you will be a better listener and have more to say. You will also start to notice the sorrow hidden in people’s hearts. This is what makes the empathic ability so powerful. Not only does it allow you to gather and perpetuate the positivity around you, it also allows you to explore and examine the negative. You as an Empath must learn of the pros and con of your newfound abilities and learn how to embrace them.

Fostering the empathic ability can be very rewarding. You will be able to have deeper conversations with people. People will open up to you, tell you their deepest secrets and fears, trust you as if you knew them your whole life. Parties will be a lot more fun, as you will be secure in your emotions and your connections to those around you. However, if you are typically introverted, or are surrounded by a lot of people you do not know, parties have the possibility to be very draining. There are also spiritual perks. By clashing with the thoughts and emotions of others we not only learn to understand one other, we also learn to refine and understand ourselves. Only by striving to create our best selves, not at the expense of others but because of others, is when one starts to attain the tools for emotional and spiritual healing. But mastering your Empathic abilities isn’t going to be easy, and there are problems you will have to face along the way, and even after you attain mastery.

To reiterate, the crux of the empathic ability is not only to know but to understand. The concept of the ability is simple. The practice of the ability, when applied to complexity of the human condition is where things become arduous. Here’s an example. You might pass by someone on the street and sense from them wholesome, clean happiness. While walking down the same street later on you encounter another guy. You sense happiness from him as well, however this is not the same type of happiness. This happiness seems darker, more sinister. You might wonder how someone can be have such a sinister presence around them and be genuinely happy? If you observe humanity on any level, then the answer should be easy to you. Different people like different things, or what makes one person happy might be completely different from yourself. When you encounter someone, who is fundamentally different from you (morals, ideologies, religions, etc.) you will receive messages through your universal connection, i.e. “weird vibes”. As I stated earlier the intention behind meditating and strengthening your spiritual connection is to reconcile the differences with our fellow humans, so trying to understand a person like this is nothing new. But what if the person has differences from you that you can’t reconcile? What if the man giving off the sinister energy had just killed someone? Of course, there is no way of knowing that they would be a killer. As I said before, Empaths aren’t psychics. But in the course of your lifetime you will meet people who are fundamentally so different from you that you will find them possible to accept. You will meet real “killers” and they’ll tell you all about it.

This fact presents a couple of problems for the Empath, which will come in the form of reaction fear depending on how great the dichotomy between yourself and these others. Fear is a common response to the unknown or unexpected, and though you can consider every scenario imaginable to you, humans are imperfect creatures and cannot possibly fathom all the different people we will meet or scenarios we will have to navigate, lest divine intervention give us a hint. Fear is nearly impossible to avoid, especially if you truly understand what people are capable of, but it can be dealt with.

Another problem for the Empath arises when he is confronted with someone who is dealing with a great deal of pain. Because empaths have the ability to feel other people’s emotions, they often times feel the pain of friends and loved ones suffering through hard times. Just the sight of a homeless person can fill an Empath with sadness, as they faintly perceive the cold, hunger and loneliness that many of these people feel. The thought of constantly being brought down by feeling the sadness and despair of other people can be depressing for the uninitiated Empath and becomes quite a drain on the unexperienced. The answer to this dilemma is simple, in fact it isn’t really a dilemma at all. Empaths are meant to feel the pain of others. Deal with it. Experiencing pain is a part of life. Chances are you have experienced pain, and when you did you called a friend or talked to your parents. Feeling another’s sorrow through their universal connection to you is the exact same concept. Except the foundation for comfort isn’t from a specific source, it is from the universal connection. You and that person unconsciously become linked in the vast chain of spiritual brotherhood. When you share in the experience of someone’s pain you take away a little bit of their burden and shed a little light onto humanity. You become a friend to someone in need. You become a hero. You become a true Empath.

Chapter 9             Identifying Characteristics of Empath

Because there is no universally held definition for the word empath, full agreement on a list of identifying characteristics is also lacking. There is a wide range of indications, some of which may be considered diagnostic according to one school of thought and not to others.

We will therefore discuss three sets of indications: one for high empathy, one for hyper-empathy, and one for extra-normal empathy.

Range of Indications

●      High Empathy (HSP)

- The ability to anticipate or read others’ feelings and emotions - this is an indication of the cognitive aspect of empathy. It includes observation of ordinary sensory cues and interpretation of those cues through the lens of one’s own past experience.

- The capacity or quality of sharing others’ emotions - this is an indication of the emotional aspect of empathy. In includes an instinctive reaction to ordinary sensory cues, in which the observer actually “feels for” the observed.

●      Hyper-empathy (HSP +)

- The ability to sense others’ feelings and emotions directly in the absence of ordinary sensory cues. This means that it is not necessary to see tears or hear crying or to make observations of any kind at all in order to know that another person is sad. By some unknown, extraordinary sensory development, you just know.

- The inability to screen or separate from others’ emotions. Because of the very low sensitivity threshold of a hyper-empathetic person, it can be difficult for him or her to screen or separate from the feelings and emotions of others. The empath may experience feelings (originating in another person) that are completely inexplicable as related to her own circumstances.

- A sense of burden or responsibility regarding others’ emotions. The above mentioned inability to screen or separate from the feelings of others may cause the empath to be overwhelmed because of so many different feelings coming from so many different directions.

●      Extra-normal (psychic) empathy (HSP++)

- The ability to sense emotions over great distances. In other words the empath may be separated even by many miles from another person and still sense that person’s emotions. This is the most common in the case of very close relationships, but it has been reported even in the case of strangers.

- The ability to sense the feelings and emotions of strangers.

- Foreboding or foreknowledge of an event yet to come. A small subset of empaths report dreams, visions, or simple knowledge of an event which has not yet occurred.

Experience of another's pain in one's own body. Finally, some experience pain which is not their own but which originates in another person. Sometimes this pain is related to ordinary observation, but other times it reportedly comes in the absence of any opportunity for observation.

These physical sensations of vicarious experience can be confusing and painful; In the interest of the health of their recipient therefore, they need to be controlled as much as possible.

Am I an Empath?

How can a person know, given the variation in reported experiences, the range of indications, and all the different theories, whether or not he or she is actually an empath? Before we go further, a more general point should be made.

People are different from one another. Every single person is unique, in fact. So, while most people can see, eyesight ranges from extraordinary to nonexistent.

Athletic prowess ranges from the completely disabled to the weak or clumsy to the virtually super-heroic. Intelligence ranges from tragically low levels to unimaginably high levels.

And each of us has our own, unique areas of weakness as well as areas in which we uniquely excel. Given these variations, in any ability or characteristic if we arrange all people along a scale according to the quality of that characteristic or ability, we will in every case find people who fall far outside the norm.

They are unusual in the weakness or strength of that characteristic, possibly in ways which have enormous practical effects on the way they function.

Sometimes such an eccentricity is due to a developmental problem or a disease of some kind, sometimes due to environment, and sometimes due to inheritance, but most often multiple factors are involved.

When people observe differences so significant as to affect the way a person functions, they begin to ask questions.

What is causing the difference?

Can a limiting difference be resolved or compensated?

Should there be some accommodation made for the difference?

At this point a label is given, and some diagnosis may subsequently be made. Sometimes this can be helpful.

Perhaps the affected person will be better able to understand himself. Perhaps he can better adjust to his difference(s). He may receive some kind of helpful accommodation.

On the other hand, sometimes the label takes on a life of its own and is more detrimental than helpful. Such may be the case with labels like learning-disabled, dyslexia, hyperactive, attention deficit, bipolar, and many, many other labels.

Such labels have definitely served their purposes, but they can at times be more burden than advantage to those to whom they are applied, a fact which is clearly illustrated by the constant updating of well-intended labels In order to escape the stereotypes which have naturally built up around them.

So, when we begin to investigate a significant personal difference, we always need to go with our eyes wide open.

We should seek to obtain every credible information and helpful advice, but not get too carried away with the label.

Why? Because a person is far more than what can be summarized by any label. And while it might be helpful to see himself as a person with a small label or labels attached, it is not healthy for his person (self) to be overshadowed by a label or for her to be identified primarily by the label.

So it is with the term “empath,” one whose specific meaning is not yet settled, which can refer to anyone on a spectrum ranging from unusually empathetic to highly sensitive to extrasensory to psychic.

A label can assist if it enables you to improve your human functionality. But if it reduces your functionality as a human being it is a hindrance.

So before you embark on any path of self-discovery, resolve to keep both feet on the ground. You are a unique individual with specific tendencies, preferences, sensitivities, gifts, strengths and weaknesses that make you who you are.

Avail yourself of that which may be helpful, and leave the rest alone.

Hypothetical Empath

We’ve dwelt considerably upon the possible definitions and explanations of empath, and we have planned ahead to use the investigation to our benefit -- and/or the benefit of others -- and not to our detriment.

Now let’s see what an empath looks like. Let’s learn a little about what it is to be an empath.

The following paragraphs are hypothetical but representative statements from hypothetical but representative empaths.

These are the kinds of statements that people who self-identify as empaths make about themselves.

“Even as a child, it seems I always knew what people were feeling. I can't really remember not knowing. I try to stay away from large crowds, because it's just too much -- too stressful. So many feelings coming at me all at once from all those people; it's exhausting. And people come to me. They tell me about their problems. I try to help. I want to help, but sometimes it gets to be too much.”

“I can't watch the news or scary or sad movies. Sometimes I just wish I could turn it off. I need a lot of time alone just to be quiet and to myself.”

“I have dreams, too. I hate it when I have a bad dream, because there have been times when I dreamed about something bad happening to somebody and later found out it actually happened. One time it happened to people I don't even know, and then I saw it the next day on the news!”

“I can be going along through my day, doing just fine, and then suddenly I feel sick or depressed or angry or fearful for no reason. I know that someone close to me is experiencing that emotion. If I talk to my family and close friends I can usually figure out who it is -- and why it is! Still, it’s hard to shake. It can set me back for a few hours. Or, if it’s something big, for days or weeks.”

“Sometimes when I see somebody else get hurt, I actually feel their physical pain. Like if somebody bangs her head on a cabinet door, my head actually hurts, too!”

“I love being an empath. Sure, sometimes people think I’m crazy. And sometimes it’s exhausting. But I can really help people. I understand what they are feeling. I know what they are thinking. And I can actually help heal them. I have a career in a healing profession, and so I have honed my empathic skills for the purpose of healing. My empathic abilities make my life fuller and more meaningful.”

“The worst part is, a lot of times I feel like people are just using me. They like that I understand how they feel, so they always come and talk to me when they won’t talk to anybody else. But they leave feeling better, and I am drained. They’re never there when I need them.”

Did you see yourself in these statements? If you resonate with much of what you read here, then it is possible you may have some significant empathetic characteristics. You may be at the upper - or even extreme - end of the scale of empathy. You might have cause to think that you, too, may be an empath.

Check the Indications

Determine whether you best fit into the category of Empathy, Hyper-Empathy, or Extra-Normal Empathy.

If you fit into one of the first two categories, your empathetic perceptions and abilities may fall within the range of normal.

You will find many people who best fit one of these categories, particularly Hyper-Empathy, and identify as empaths.

But you will find others who would insist that, without some of the indications from the Extra-Normal category, you are not really a true empath. It is not the purpose of this book to quibble over the definition, as words, labels, and language are primarily just tools for communication.

You may identify as you wish. But do recognize that there are others who report experiencing more dramatic or exceptional indications of empathy.

How do I know if I’m a Highly Sensitive Person?

Earlier we briefly discussed HSP as one possible scientific explanation for the empath experience.

While a person with the extra-normal indications of empathy is almost certainly an HSP (highly sensitive person), that attribute alone may be enough to account for the less marked (more normal) levels of empathy.

Our previously stated definition of the highly sensitive person as a person who more easily detects stimuli, perceives stimuli more strongly, or is more reactive to stimuli than other persons tells us that the HSP has a more sensitive “radar” than does other people or is, at the very least, more responsive or reactive to signals detected by his radar.

His or her sensitivity might be limited to stimuli of just a particular type, or areas of sensitivity might be much broader.

Some HSPs are sensitive to everything, including the feelings of others.

Indications for a highly sensitive person includes much greater awareness of sensory detail, detection of subtle nuances in meaning, increased self-awareness as it relates to internal emotions, introversion, creativity, and increased empathy.

OK, I’m HSP. Could I be considered an empath?

So, how does empath differ from HSP? You won’t be surprised at this point to be told that answers will vary.

Often in reading it does seems to be a matter of degrees, and yet, not quite. HSP represents 15 to 20 percent of the population and is considered to be within the normal spectrum of human psychology.

While there seems to be no official unanimous, objective diagnostic standard for empath, it seems safe to assume that it would be a much smaller percentage of the population.

Though it is likely that anyone qualifying as an empath is, by definition, a highly sensitive person, we have already noted that there are some who would require, in order to qualify as empath, indications exceeding those generally included for HSP.

Some self-described empaths would require you to exhibit extra-normal indications in order to call yourself an empath, while others, even among those who do exhibit the extra-normal indications, would probably be happy to welcome you into to their fellowship without such.

In the absence of the extra-normal indications, could there be any difference between HSP and empath? It seems in that case the difference would be only a matter of degrees. Or, could there be some qualitative difference between the two?

There is one distinction proposed that seems to be both reasonable (in line with what we have already learned) and instructive. It relates to how the empathetic feeling arises.

The line of thought seems to be that HSP empathy is the product of projection (perhaps more cognitive?) The HSP “reads” or observes emotional signals and responds out of his own emotional experience by means of projection.

The empath, on the other hand, senses the emotions or feelings very directly, involuntarily, in a way which cannot be entirely controlled.

She may become confused by them or not even aware in some cases where they originated, because, as opposed to deriving them entirely through observation, she is experiencing them as if they were her own.

She cannot distinguish her own feelings from the feelings she is intercepting from others.

So, the HSP empathy is experienced through the lens of self, while the empath perceives what is outside himself, as if there were no barrier or separation between him and others around him.

It is proposed, in fact, that the HSP may in a high emotion situation become so consumed by his own emotional response that he is unable to accurately perceive or interpret another person's emotions. ^l

Chapter 10     Common Empathic Traits

Knowing

One of the first things you’ll notice about empathic people is their ability to just “know” things even without having been told about it prior. It’s a kind of knowing that is beyond what we often refer to as intuition or gut feel this is because their certainty and accuracy tends to be impeccable when it comes to this.

Needless to say, you’d have a hard time lying to one. The more in tune they become with their gift, the better they come at reading energies.

For an empathic person, being in a public space can be very overwhelming. Places such as stadiums, shopping malls, and supermarkets can fill them with different emotions often leading them to simply stay away. Remember, empaths are like emotional sponges and their sensitivity is far greater than that of the average person, therefore, they feel a whole lot more.

Describing an empath as a kind of emotional sponge isn’t too far-off how they really are. The thing is that they feel other people’s emotions and take those feelings as their own. This is why some of them tend to dislike the gift.

After all, can you imagine going through such a thing on a daily basis? It can be exhausting. Of course, this varies depending on how adept the empathic person is. For the most part, they will still feel people’s emotions and this can affect them either negatively or positively.

Watching violence or anything tragic on the television can sometimes be unbearable for them. There are empaths who find it difficult to even read the newspaper as they become overwhelmed with emotion each time they do. This is something that empathic people cannot help.

They can easily tell whenever someone is lying or being insincere. There’s that expression: “Ignorance is bliss” and for many empaths, this rings true. If a loved one lies to them, the pain they feel is double for they cannot help what they know.

It isn’t just feelings that empaths can pick up from another person. They can also “absorb” ailments off of other people illnesses such as colds, infections and even body pain. This is especially so if the sick person is someone they love dear. The empath ends up developing the same symptoms as the other person. Think of it as something similar to “sympathy pains”.

Physically, most empaths would also often have lower back problems, as well as digestive issues. This is where empathic people would be able to feel the emotion of another and in time, it begins to weaken too.

When that happens and it is left untreated, it can lead to stomach ulcers and IBS. Problems with the lower back tend to happen when the person is ungrounded or have no knowledge of even having the ability. There are ways of healing this, however, so don’t fret. We shall get to those later.

They always look out for other people, particularly the underdogs and those who they know to be in emotional pain. They cannot help but feel drawn to them and given that empaths are capable of sharing these hidden pains, they also make for some of the best friends you’ll ever meet.

That said, they also often become the people who others feel most comfortable opening up to. They have an always ready to listen ear, but the danger here is that if they aren’t careful, those problems others may share with them can end up becoming their own.

They are almost, always exhausted. This is the inevitable result of them taking on too much from other people, whether it be voluntarily or involuntarily. Self-care is very important for empathic people, lest they end up burning themselves to the ground by absorbing too much, and too often from other people.

You may think that empaths, given their heightened self-awareness, would be much less prone to vices. However, this isn’t true for everyone.

Many empaths tend to have addictive personalities; they are prone to developing dependencies on drugs, alcohol, and even sex. This is a way for them to block out the emotions they unconsciously absorb from others. Think of it as a form of self-protection, but a potentially harmful one.

Most empathic people are also drawn to various forms of healing, the metaphysical, and holistic therapies. For those who are aware of their abilities, they often find joy in healing others, but would often turn away from becoming healers themselves. Are there doctors who are empathic?

That is a possibility, but given the nature of the work and the environment some doctors are placed in, the likelihood is pretty slim. Of course, another reason could be that empaths are drawn to all things supernatural a doctor would be bound by the laws of medicine and science, something that empathic people might find too limiting.

They are very creative. From writing, singing, acting, dancing or drawing, most empaths would have a creative streak not to mention, a very vivid and extensive imagination. This could be attributed to the unique way they experience things; enabling them to have more insight and a deeper understanding of beauty as well.

Empaths tend to be nature loves and find that being in it is the best cure for their lingering feelings of fatigue. Most of them would keep pets as well and they end up forming very strong, familial bonds with the animals they care for.

Empaths love people, but all the same, they also have a deep need for solitude. They will always require their quiet time and this need does not change even with age. Both adult and children empaths tend to become moody or very restless if they don’t get some time alone.

They tend to get distracted easily if they’re doing something that isn’t very interesting to them if it does not stimulate them enough. Boredom sets in very quickly for empaths as well and they are very prone to rumination.

It would be impossible for them to do something that they cannot derive any form of joy from. This makes them feel less authentic and as if they’re not fulfilling their potential as people. In some cases, empaths do tend to get labelled as “lazy”, simply because there’s no way a person would be able to force them to do something they dislike.

So what catches an empath’s attention? Typically, this involves the search for answers and knowledge. They are very curious people and many enjoy learning more about their ability and how it might be of better use to them, as well as others. They always have questions, but take it upon themselves to find the answer.

Are empaths timid people? Some are, some aren’t. Most would be free spirits, however. They enjoy traveling and feeling every experience with intensity. These people are staunch advocates of living freely and saying yes to adventures that come knocking on their door.

You may think that an empath, given that they are prone to daydreaming and having rather chaotic minds, would be disorganized people, but this is not the case at all. In fact, many of them abhor clutter finding that it can actually block the proper flow of energy and only adds to them feeling weighed down.

Many empaths are intolerant towards a lot of things, this is one of the reasons why some people often find them either: too sensitive, too judgmental or simply hard to understand. However, being judgmental is far from what they actually are.

They simply cannot tolerate attitudes that most people simply brush aside. For example, they cannot stand narcissism and would often point this out as well out of consideration for the person, and other people.

An empath who is adept when it comes to their ability may also feel the different days of the week. Some would get something like a “Friday Feeling”; most of the time, this is what the collective around them is feeling. If everyone at work is excited, even if they don’t show it or speak it, the empath would be able to feel that energy.

The same goes for negative energy as well; if everyone at work is feeling bogged down and then the empath would sense this and carry it around for the duration of the week or until the mood around them changes.

For empaths who are capable of reading energy from objects, it is likely that they would refuse or avoid buying vintage, antiques or secondhand items. Anything that has a residual energy which they can end up absorbing.

However, there are the curious ones who enjoy this; finding the experience to be like time-traveling as they get to “relieve” certain periods of time through an object and the energy imprinted upon it by the previous owner.

The same goes for empaths who can also sense the energy in their food. Some would refuse to eat any type of they meat as they can often feel the vibration of the animal (particularly so if the animal suffered in any way).

At first glance, most empaths would appear disconnected, moody, and aloof. Of course, this all depends on how they are feeling as well, but these people would never put on a mask to hide their emotions from the world. They are most prone to mood swings as this can be directly influenced by the energy they happen to absorb.

If they have taken on too much negative energy, they will become very unsociable and appear miserable. This is because they refuse to pass on the negative energy to another person, but there are instances wherein others might misinterpret these actions as disinterest.

One of the biggest challenges an empath might face when it comes to forming relationships is trying to explain why they feel a certain way to other people. Not everyone would be able to easily understand how their ability works and there would always be those people who would even reject the very existence of it.

The latter is also one of the reasons why an empathic person might begin to hold themselves back, not wanting to be thought of as different and be treated as an outsider. Bottling up their emotions can actually be detrimental to an empath’s physical and mental health. The more they do it, the greater the frustration they feel.

So, what can they do to protect and take better care of themselves?

Chapter 11     Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

The term "dialectical" is not used in the strict way a philosopher can use it. Rather, it refers to an approach that attempts to assimilate apparent contradictions - such as accepting the patient's viewpoint while encouraging change. The dialectical conduct measure typically lasts for one year and each group and man or woman has sessions. During crew therapy, sufferers examine more productive behaviors and reactions with the help of attending sessions on problem-solving, mindfulness meditation, muscle relaxation, and breath training. During individual psychotherapy (often supplemented with cellphone coaching), the therapist helps the patient integrate classes from session to day-to-day life.

Studies conducted through researchers at the University of Washington have concluded that dialectical conduct therapy is overwhelming in the range of days spent in psychiatric hospitals, along with reducing self-abandonment and suicide attempts. A void with BPD revealed the inclusion of a woman who had attempted suicide at least twice in the preceding five years, with investigators finding half of the therapy with dialectical behavior therapy, and the other half as specialists. Entrusted to treatment through physicians (defined) as associated with experienced and reputed institutions). Both interventions lasted for one year. Researchers determined that patients who underwent dialectical behavior therapy were probably half of those who attempted suicide and had very little to possibly engage in self-mutilation or hospitalization.

In another study, researchers at the University of Amsterdam randomly assigned eighteen women with BPD to conduct treatment or treatment. After 12-month treatment, victims undergoing dialectical conduct treatment were far less likely than those receiving ordinary care to possibly reduce themselves or interact in other impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. Six months after the intervention ended, dialectical conduct therapy was more luxurious than the usual treatment.

Schema-Focused Medicine. Columbia University psychologist Drs. This therapy, developed through Jeffrey Young, is primarily based on the fact that there are 4 incurable survival schemas (world views arising in childhood) in patients with BPD: "abandoned/abused child," "grumpy" / Impulsive children, "separated defenders, "and" punitive parents. two

Ironically, I had a specific focal point as a psychiatrist at the time. It served as a foundation for empathy and perception, which guided my work inside psychiatric hospitals, faculty systems, and private practice for over twenty years. And now abandonment had filled my deep personal wound in me. I felt like I was stabbing my heart with the help of my good friend.

The abandonment was ripped apart through condensed layers of attachment, all at once pushing me away from the lifeline of nurture and love, leaving me suffering from a gleaming wound alone. To survive, I embarked on a journey of discovery.

As a professional in the field, I have already misused psychological literature and self-help books and determined nothing to tell me about the depth of abandonment pain or how to overcome its worrying effects. It was a serious disaster to influence future relationships and create patterns of self-sabotage. So I pioneered a new path from abandonment to healing.

Initially, I was forced to dedicate my power to management. Hour by hour, day by day aid I made it harder, all the while looking for a sufficiently effective means to stop the ride from swallowing me whole.

I searched the distant branches of science and the mouths of real survivors to explore the tools that eventually restored my sense of self and offered me to grow in life and love more than before. Here are some pointers that helped me in the early stages of my journey:

1) Self Verification: Accept the severity of the continuation of the emotional wound. You can keep out the ears of our friends visiting the important points of your abandonment, but they cannot possibly capture the depth of the pain or its persistence. Become your personal verifier.

2) Doctor, heal yourself; One trend is your personal wound: 100 percent charge for your own recovery.

3) Pain management capability Time management: To make a living, build such things every day, which includes supportive friends, therapists, and support groups. Create the best creature comfort. The work well supports the required structure. Throw yourself into work to experience its 'occupational therapy' benefits.

4) Plunge into another and stay as long as possible: the future is interrupted by a breakup, and your past is the place where your love attachment pulls on so painfully. The only safe place now is Breakup 2. When your painful thoughts come to an end, you are now doing a favor as a mantra.

5) Put your struggle to creative use: Learn to turn pain seriously into development. Application course by using step through 5 categories of abandonment and recovery.

If you are concerned that you or a loved one may also have borderline person disease (BPD), it is necessary to be knowledgeable about the disease and its symptoms. While some signs and symptoms of BPD are now unrecognized without difficulty, others are associated with observable behavior.

Borderline character disease signs consist of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and emotion, as well as a pattern of impulsive behaviors. Individuals with BPD often ride these signs at young maturity and the signs and symptoms have a tendency to progress for many years. BPD can also occur in every boy and woman.

Chapter 12     Meditation for Empaths

It is difficult for a non-empath to grasp the concept of feeling people’s emotions. Imagine feeling happy, sad, anxious and fearful all at the same time. And these are just some of the emotions that could be going through an empath at any given time.

Meditation is recommended for anyone but highly recommended for empaths. Your ability to absorb foreign emotions and energies make you susceptible to anxiety and stress, which make your life difficult.

Meditation seeks to quieten the mind for a moment and give it a break from the dozen competing emotions seeking to occupy it. Empathy is a gift that can make things easier at the workplace, but it can also make things difficult. If you cannot control the dozens of emotions, you are dealing with, you will be overwhelmed and your work performance will suffer. That moment of silence and calm gives your mind clear so you can go through your day without being overcome by emotions.  These are just some of the many ways in which meditation will enhance your day:

1. Improve concentration

You achieve more when you focus on one task at a time as opposed to multitasking. Sounds like an irony, right? Shouldn’t attending multiple tasks at a time get more work done? In making this assumption, we assume that the brain can focus on multiple things at a time. However, research shows that the brain cannot multitask. It only rapidly switches back and forth between the tasks, losing details in the process.

Our affinity for multitasking can be seen on the way we work on the computer. How many tabs do you open at a time? Some have as many as 10 tabs, sometimes even more. You are answering emails, working on a report, downloading a song, watching a sports rerun, listening to a podcast and so on; all at once. Or rather switching rapidly from one to the other.

Try to open one tab at a time. You can only open another one if the content is directly related to the first one. For instance, you may open an email that has data that you need for your report. Basically, attend to one task at a time. After the report is done, you can then proceed to answer emails. Tick as you go along. Check out how much you manage to get done by the end of the day, compared to when multitasking. The difference is clear; single tasking achieves more.

Why is multitasking so common if it does not achieve much? People gravitate towards multitasking by habit. We are so used to attending to multiple activities at work and everywhere else. It makes us feel busy, even when busy is not equal to productive. This habit is not easy to break. You try to concentrate on a particular activity, and then just a few minutes later your mind wanders to something else.

Meditation teaches your brain to shut out the distractions. You can consciously keep yourself from being distracted by the other things fighting for your attention. You will find that you are able to give one task your full concentration, thereby attending to every detail. After that, you proceed to the next with similar diligence. At the end of the day, you will be consistently productive at your job.

2. Enhance working relationships

Meditation makes you a happier, more positive person, and this reflects in your relationship with others. At the workplace, positive interactions with colleagues lead to higher productivity. In companies where employees participate in meditation training, the teamwork improves significantly.

The manner in which colleagues relate to each other plays a significant part in the efficiency of the entire company. Work issues aside, think of each of those workers as a separate individual, with their personal issues ranging from family, relationships, finances, health and so on. They come to work on the backdrop of these issues. Add to these the dynamics of the job. You have a lot that is potentially fatigued and stressed.

With such emotions, the relation suffer. Arguments, disagreements, and frustrations will be common. Eventually, you have a batch of disgruntled workers and declining productivity. Here, meditation comes in handy both at an individual and institutional level. When people meditate, they are more calm and grounded. They respond to the issues of their lives more positively. At work, they interact well with their colleagues and form a strong, efficient team, boosting productivity.

3. Reduce stress

Stress originates from your body’s reaction to threats and demands. The danger here may be real or imagined. Your mind goes into overdrive; the common ‘fight or flight’

Response. Meditation may not affect the issues causing you stress, but it will change your reaction towards them.

Meditation helps you achieve moments of total peace and relaxation. Some will describe it as that moment when you think about nothing. Your mind is blank, and pleasantly so. You actually deflect all thoughts so that your mind is quiet for a moment.

Whether your stress is coming from work-related issues or from personal ones, it is bound to affect your productivity. A stressed mind has a horde of thoughts constantly going in and out, trying to find a solution. If your mind had a sound, you would be hearing multiple voices shouting back and forth at no particular order. The thoughts keep you from focusing on any particular task. You will have your mind racing all day long, yet nothing productive to show for it.

Meditation teaches your mind to be silent. Every time the thoughts seem to overwhelm you, you can quieten your mind and regain clarity. It only takes a few minutes, and the positive effects will be felt for hours.

Meditation does not mean that you ignore the issues stressing you. It means that you do not allow these thoughts to cloud your entire day and disrupt your focus. By meditating often, you can remain productive even as you seek out solutions.

4. Improves creativity

Meditation declutters the mind. Just as it is difficult to find your way around a room littered with clutter, so it is trying to work with a cluttered mind. Picture yourself trying to work on a cluttered desk. The tones of items keep attracting your attention, distracting you from the task at hand. You decide to take a moment and clean it all up. You remove everything from your desk. From there, you decide what comes back to the desk, what comes back to a different position, and what stays away. You can also decide to add some new items that you find necessary.

The same applies to your mind. When trying to create a concept, too many thoughts can disrupt the process. Take a moment of mindful meditation and clear your mind. From there, you can rearrange your thoughts. You can disallow those you did not find helpful and invite new ones. Whenever you feel your mind lagging, you can regain clarity by meditating and ensure that you remain productive all day.

5. Better sleep

Stress and anxiety often disrupt sleep. The thoughts racing through your mind deny you any meaningful sleep. You will be in bed for an average of 8 hours or so, yet morning will find you still tired. You spent the better part of the night tossing and turning, whether consciously or subconsciously. Poor sleep leads to fatigue, which in turn affects your productivity.

Meditation works great in inducing sleep. Try the simplest meditation technique of all; mindful breathing. Just lie on your bed and listen to your breathing. Inhale and exhale consciously. If you find it hard to concentrate, try counting your breaths. Should any thoughts try to intrude, let them float by? Do not dwell on them. Just keep breathing.

If you have had a particularly negative period, you can try to add a positive affirmation to your breathing. Repeat words such as ‘I am healthy and whole’ as you breathe. The words will draw in positivity and you will drift off to sleep in a better mood.

After a good night’s sleep, you wake up fresh and vibrant. You will make decisions with clarity and will definitely be more productive.

6. Greater emotional control

Meditation helps you gain greater control of your emotions. You’re less likely to react in anger or frustration. Such reactions are often sources of conflict in the workplace. Once a company introduces the concept of meditation, you have workers who have better control of their emotions and are less likely to get into wrangles.

Once you feel a negative emotion threatening to overwhelm you, take a moment of meditation. Calm down and breathe. Let the moment pass. That will keep you from overreacting, which could have far-reaching consequences.

If you are a leader, emotional control is even more crucial. You will be faced with emotionally charged situations where everybody will be looking up to you for direction. How do you keep your calm when everybody else is going over the top? You can take a moment to meditate. Better still, you can lead the entire team into meditation. Let everybody keep quiet, sit up and breathe. They should concentrate only on their breathing; nothing else.

Within a few minutes, the entire team will be calmer. They will look back and wonder what the bickering was all about. They bring their issues to the table peacefully and participate in looking for solutions. Should a similar incidence arise in the future, even in your absence, they know exactly what to do. When peace prevails, the team is bound to be more productive.

The Meditation Process

Can you train your mind to be quiet? Can you calm your mind enough to concentrate only on the present moment and nothing else? Can you block out emotions? As an empath, you are probably so accustomed to multiple emotions that the idea of having a clear mind seems unattainable.

Think about it; how many things are on your mind at any given time? Let us say you are sitting at your desk at work editing a document. You have multiple tabs open. The first one is your email, so you can check out any new one that comes in. Remember they are also those you are yet to reply to. On a different tab, you are antagonizing over some sports rerun, noticing how badly your team is doing. You are also half-listening to a conversation your colleagues are having about that finance meeting last week. Oh, you also have your eye on the clock. Is it lunchtime yet? You have to check out that restaurant in the new mall 2 blocks away. Oh, and there’s a gym there too. You need to stay in shape.

All these items fighting for space in your mind. How many are these; like 7? Sounds like such a high number when you stop to count, yet this is nothing unusual. Our minds are constantly burdened with information going in and out. No wonder fatigue and anxiety have become the order of the day. Unfortunately, even with all this activity on your mind, you are hardly productive. You are like the proverbial rocking chair; activity without much progress.

Every person deals with such thoughts, but as an empath, you have to include the emotions as well. As if your own emotions are not enough, you have to deal with the emotions of those around you. The numerous emotions exhaust you and drain your energy.

Meditation seeks to give your mind a break from the stresses and anxieties of such thoughts and emotions. You can clear your mind and heart. You can focus on this moment and this moment only. Here you can experience the calm and relaxation of a clear mind.

If you are just starting out, you begin by learning how to concentrate. Here you focus on breathing naturally, and probably repeating a phrase. Sounds pretty easy, right? How hard can breathing get, don’t we do it every second of our lives? That is until you give it a try. The point here is not the breathing, but concentrating on the breathing. Most beginners will only achieve a couple of conscious breaths before their mind wanders to something else.

It may not feel relaxing at first. In fact, in the beginning, you may struggle with the entire concept. The mind takes about 20 minutes or so before it settles, and longer for others. Do not dwell on the difficulty. Do not stop trying. Meditation is a skill, you get better with time.

10-minute meditation plan

a)     Sit quietly in a calm place with no distractions. Most people prefer to sit with their legs crossed and arms stretched out, like the basic yoga pose. However, you can sit in any position that you find comfortable.

b)      Focus on your breathing. You can add an encouraging or affirming mantra to the meditation. Repeat words such as ‘I am healthy and whole’ over and over again. Let the thoughts come and go without giving them much attention.

c)      Pay attention to the parts of your body in turns. Listen out for tightness, tingling or itching in every part of your body. Start from one point, such as the feet, and proceed all the way up to the head. Focus your mind on that particular sensation and allow your mind to feel it fully.

d)     Should your mind wander, don’t stress about it. Simply notice it and guide your mind back to the breathing.

e)     Once the 10-minute session is over, transition slowly. Don’t just get up and leave. Open your eyes, look up and take time to notice the difference in your body and mind. Don’t you feel lighter?

If you still can’t seem to get the hang of it, find company. Having someone beside you attempting the same technique will encourage you to keep trying. You can also listen to guided audio meditation clips. These ones tell you exactly what to do; you simply follow instructions. Aim for just 5 minutes a day in the beginning. Some even start with as little as 1 minute. Fair enough; every second count. Should your mind keep wandering, that does not mean that the meditation was not successful? You can still reap the benefits from the sheer seconds that you manage.

Eventually, a 30 minute undistracted meditation period will be easily achievable. You will also be able to get into meditation right away. In the beginning, you may sit there with your eyes closed for minutes, yet your mind continues to wander. It could take up to 20 minutes to guide your mind to your breathing. With practice, you’ll learn to start meditating as soon as your eyes are shut. Keep practicing; it only gets better with time.

You can have brief meditation stints in the course of the day when the emotions build up. If the environment allows it, such as in the office, you can simply close your eyes and meditate. If you’re in a crowd; one of the most grueling tests for an empath, you can step away. You can go sit in the car, or in an isolated corner, and meditate.

Most importantly, schedule a meditation session at the end of each day. Here you’re at home, you can sit comfortably in your designated spot and let go of all those emotions that you had to deal with throughout the day. You can even meditate as you soak in the bathtub. That double rejuvenation; for body and mind. Those moments that you spend in meditation will help you sleep better, and more importantly wake up refreshed and ready to face another day.

Chapter 13     Emotional Health

An untrained empath has little defense against the energies of people around him. In particular, he is sensitive to unhappiness, depression, conflict, and anger. He internalizes these imbalanced emotions and energies, and he worries with pain in relationships. Therefore, he becomes angry and irritated easily. Yet, he also tries to control these emotions. If these emotions and energies persist, he turns to substance, alcohol and food abuse to cope.

For instance, an untrained empath can feel worse after talking to a person about this individual’s emotional pains. This person will feel better after the conversation. Yet, the untrained empath has experienced intense emotions without realizing where they are coming from. Then, he learns later that a loved one is experiencing the same feeling too. In a room full of people, an untrained empath may experience an extreme change from one emotion to the next. Yet, he calms down when he is by himself.

An untrained empath may find it difficult to concentrate when he is around other people because of the various emotions he is feeling. He cannot let go of other people because he feels responsible for them. Oftentimes, he takes matters seriously, although he desires not to. He acts out of character when he is around particular persons. Yet, he can easily revert to himself without them. Furthermore, an untrained empath acts and feels drunk if he is around drunken people, even though he did not drink alcohol.

Practical Choices

Because of increased pain experience, an untrained empath becomes fearful and wary, and cautious in making decisions. Because he is a deep thinker, his fear of consequences becomes too great that he becomes indecisive. Thus, he becomes reclusive, shy, and timid.

Moreover, an untrained empath may not realize what he needs and wants. More often than not, he has to take some time for him to decide. Yet, he may still even find it easier to speak out about what the other people want from him, instead of him talking about his needs and wants.

Relationships

An untrained empath is extremely sensitive. If he is ignorant, he becomes hurt easily because he does not understand how to deal with his emotions and energies. He cannot defend against external chaos. Thus, he complicates his relationships, especially when other individuals do not understand him.

Furthermore, the untrained empath cannot set boundaries because the grief, anger, and disappointment of his loved ones affect him deeply. He feels he is always losing in the end, even if he stands up for himself or does what his loved ones want.

An untrained empath wants a love connection like the rest of the world. However, he avoids romantic intimacy and partnerships because he is afraid that his partner’s emotions will engulf him. He wants to snuggle, yet he rolls away all a sudden because he needs the space for his own energy. In fact, the overwhelming love for each other can break his heart because he cannot handle the intense emotions.

Moreover, an untrained empath finds it difficult to thrive on togetherness. He may hide away or bolt for some breathing room because he is absorbing the emotions of his partner. His exhaustion or anxiety can cause him to seek decompression in his personal energy space. An untrained empath in a relationship can feel an emotion that is 100 times more than what his partner feels.

Reactions to Outside Stimulus

In general, an untrained empath cannot maintain focus in reading printed news or watching the news. He cannot do it because the global atrocities affect him. He tends to cut off from the internet news websites, newspapers and television news broadcasts. He stays away from images or videos to disassociate himself from the situation.

Furthermore, the untrained empath is sensitive to the fundamental emotions characterized with the news. Trauma, suffering, pain, horror, fear, and terror are just some heightened emotions of the empath. Thus, he tends to avoid even video games, books, and gory movies.

Reactions of Other People to an Empath

Individuals may find it uncomfortable to be around an empath because they believe that this person perceives their secrets. Thus, the untrained empath may notice that other persons are avoiding him. He has no clue on why he understands strangers. A few strangers may find it easier to divulge their life stories, even if it is the first that they meet the empath.

The Cloud of Fear

An untrained empath may discover that being so has its disadvantages. In fact, researching about empaths online can make him realize that pages upon pages talk about shielding oneself from the negativity of other people. As an empath, he must realize that he attracts the painful energies of other people. He feels them on his subconscious level, yet he has no clue about the great power that he possesses.

An untrained empath can take advantage of numerous strategies to protect himself from his great sensing ability. Yet, he may not fathom how to get rid of abilities that have lost their functionality. As such, outdated mental and emotional inner paradigms, although may be forgotten completely, can still run the empath’s life. Hence, focusing on techniques exclusively is not beneficial because the untrained empath is actually fighting him. He is taking responsibility and attracting the energies of other people. On the other hand, he is also trying to get rid of them but shielding is only a temporary cure to empathic suffering and sponging.

More often, an untrained empath has low self-esteem because he has too much responsibility without understanding how to handle them. He is clueless on how to embed the energies of other individuals into his own. In simple terms, he needs to feel superb about being an empath. Yet, since he has accumulated the energies of other individuals, it is difficult for him to feel excellent about himself. In fact, he feels pain and discomfort from all these unwanted energies.

It is almost impossible to feel marvelous when the empath’s body does not feel great. He cannot control his emotions. More importantly, he is clueless what to do about them and he can reach a particular point where he will spiral down to self-depreciation. He will still help other individuals because he feels worthy doing it. Yet, he is only compounding his underlying problems.

The Effects of Emotional Vampires

An emotional vampire absorbs the energies of an untrained empath. In fact, he can even absorb the empath’s happiness and enthusiasm. Although some relationships can be mood elevating and positive, relationships with emotional vampires can absorb the serenity and optimism out of an untrained empath.

Untrained empaths may not know it, but an emotional vampire can victimize anybody. Thus, it is significant for an untrained empath to understand how to identify an emotional vampire. There are signs that can help an empath discern if a person near him is an emotional vampire or not.

First, the empath feels sleepy, his eyelids become heavy, and his mood deteriorates all a sudden. Moreover, he finds himself wanting to binge on comfort foods or carbohydrates. He also feels negative, depressed, or anxious, and lastly he feels put down.

Do you need healing?

Being an empath means having the power to absorb what other people are feeling. It is having this strange, but unique gift of connecting to people through their emotions and physical situations. This can be draining and tiring in the long run. You are THE listener. People are attracted to you because you emit the kind of energy that tells the world YOU CARE. You listen. You sympathize. You coach. You encourage. You heal. Yes, you care.

But what if you, the empath, is the one who also needs healing? What if you are the one who needs care? How would you know it, if you do or you don’t? Are you aware of how much being an empath is changing your life? Are you starting to care more about other people than about your own self? Would you even be able to identify or recognize the symptoms that could be telling you that there is a need for you to heal?

Why Empaths Get Sick

Extreme empaths are those who do not have control over their abilities. They get so involved in what’s happening to people around them that they in fact get physically and mentally sick.

An extreme empath can be always sick. It can be like having a year-round flu or an allergy that cannot be pin-pointed. You could be sniffling and coughing every day, all year round - winter, spring, summer and fall - and no amount of medication can make you feel better. No type of medical test can determine what virus you really have.

After a while, you will simply be another medical mystery. No treatment for your pains. No choice but for you to stay sick. No diagnosis for what you have. At least no diagnosis that is acceptable in the medical field.

You are suffering from being an extreme empath. Too much empathy is making you physically ill. It happens, you know. You may not be aware of it but, being too empathic can destroy your quality of life without you realizing it. What you are aware of is that you get the feelings and energy of those around. You have accepted that. You’ve probably even embraced that. You know that you are helping other people. You have the gift and you are special. But, do you know that you can also suffer from special illnesses? That can be a kind of illness that you may not be able to get away from or the kind that could eventually cripple you for life.

Clairsentience is the psychic ability bestowed upon empaths. It is the ability that allows you to feel the emotional energy around you – energy that other people do not always feel. If you are an untrained empath, one with unmanaged abilities, you do not just feel the energy, you also absorb it.

You turn into a sponge for emotional energy. You suck up and hold onto all the forms of emotional energy that you come close to. You feel and absorb and then your problems begin. The emotional distress, mental illness and physical pains start to kick in.

The energy you feel gets transferred to you – absorbed into your own energetic field. Now, how the transfer will really affect you depends on several factors, including your energy type, energetic state and current energetic saturation degree.

In simpler terms, that energy can be manifested as emotional change, like depressive event or anxiety attack. It can also be in the form of physical illness, which happens to be the most common result. If there is a big build-up of transferred emotional energy on your system, you get really sick as in, every day sick.

Symptoms You Need to be Aware Of

Are you feeling tired most of the time? Are there physical pains that you cannot explain? You are probably really sick because you are being too emphatic. You have been taking on too much and you are not even aware of it. The energy of other people that has built up within you has manifested into physical form, thus making you feel ill.

You must be aware that although it is easy for you to take in what other people are feeling or suffering from, it may not be that easy to get rid of the negativities. They can stay with you. They can cripple you if you let them. This can happen if you are not aware of the symptoms, or if you choose to ignore the symptoms.

Empath Fatigue

You feel what others are feelings. That is very common for you. That is actually a way of life for you. You can be perfectly fine on your own then suddenly feel sadness because someone sitting close to you is depressed. Usually, as soon as you are back on your own, you feel fine again. But, as it happens again and again, it gets harder and harder for you to get back to normal. You feel these crazy fluctuations of emotions all day, every day. And after a while, you are just tired. Empath fatigue has finally caught up with you.

Anxiety

You are always aware when someone you know is getting anxious. That is why you always try to be there for them – to assure them that everything will be OK. You give them dozens of reasons to be calm and relaxed. You talk to them out of their anxious states. What if you are the one suffering from anxiety? Who helps you then? Can you even identify if you, yourself are being anxious?

Lethargy

As an empath, being positive is what makes you a better listener than most people. You usually do not feel any lack of energy. As a matter of fact, you emit the most positive energy. But, everything has its limits. You could start feeling lazy and just out of it. Lack of enthusiasm is something that you could feel after some time, as well. Why so? Because, in your attempt to help other people, you have given them much of your strength and none is left for you.

Depression

Just like anxiety, depression is something that you get from other people. You can easily absorb depression if you allow yourself to be in constant contact with people who are always depending on you to make them feel better. It is not bad to listen and give advice. But, if you start feeling depressed most of the time, maybe it is about time to back away a little.

Being Anti-Social

Now, if you suddenly find yourself trying to avoid any kind of social situation, then you are probably at your breaking point. Your mind is telling you that going out with people, is just going to make you feel worse. Instead of having a good time, you will just go home feeling ill, depressed and anxious.

Protect Yourself and Start Healing

Protecting yourself is important. It is not being selfish, rather it is simply a way of giving yourself a chance to get better so that you can stay being the empath that you are.

Battling depression and anxiety is not easy. Fighting a physical illness that has no specific treatment is like having cancer and you only have a few months to live. By being aware of the need to protect yourself, you are starting to get the treatment that you may have first thought to be non-existence.

If you have been living your whole life as an empath, it only means that you have absorbed emotional energy of an indefinable amount. This could lead to you having no control over your own physical and emotional wellness. Empathy is making you sick and you probably do not have the knowledge on how to manage it.

Recognizing the symptoms and then acknowledging that you need help will take you to the right path of healing process. So, if you are in need of healing, do not fight it. Accept it and learn ways to combat your illness.

Chapter 14     Reasons for Not Healing

Empaths often overlook the significance of their personal choices and actions in life. They even mistake some of their customs as effective to help them heal their core wounds yet the truth is, they are not. So, instead of having their inner wound healed, it just gets worse and worse each day. It would take a lifetime to discuss all the reasons that are possibly hindering the healing of an empath's core wound. So, I've come up with a list to present to you some of these reasons that are particularly important, as they are the ones that empaths normally do every day.

Living the People-pleaser Personality

You try so hard to be accepted when acceptance is not something you force in the first place. When people ask you to change, you’ll more or less change yourself unhesitatingly. You project your false self in front of other people because you think it suits the society. You keep on trying to change what's on the outside without realizing that you are already hurting inside.

Letting Someone's Behavior Destroy You

With your desire to please people, you try to endure everyone's behavior. You let them hurt you, bully you, make fun of you because you think that is how you make friends with people. You think that getting used to their destructive behavior will eventually lessen your sensitivity and make you stronger but unfortunately, it won't.

Doing Others' Workload

You take "helpfulness" to the next level. You try to do others' tasks, works, or assignments because you think it will increase your chance of being accepted. You overwork, stress yourself out, and exhaust yourself just to find out that you are being treated as a pet and not as a friend.

Scapegoating Yourself

You keep on taking the blame on behalf of your friends, your family, or other people. Your guilt toward things makes you feel like you are responsible for everything and that it is just right to put the blame on you. You think catching the damage for others would help them cope with the situation and would help your relationship with them get stronger.

Tolerating Abuse

You keep on giving other people chances regardless of how much they wasted your time and your feelings. You often disregard the bad things that people did to you. You are afraid of losing them because you think your life will be empty once they leave. So, you keep on chasing after them at the cost of your own self-worth. Your core wound is getting worse and worse but you can't feel it because your martyrdom is making you numb.

Depending on Drugs

You are so damaged that you think drugs are your safest escape. You take endorphins, antidepressants, anxiolytics or anti-anxiety drugs as they are the easiest way to drop down your sensitivity level. Yes, these drugs can temporarily provide relief and comfort but they are not the only solution available. At the end of the day, none of them are making things better.

Codependency

You rely so much on other people, particularly to your partner. You think things are always better when you have a companion around you. It may be true to some extent though; but depending your life, your actions, and your decisions solely on other people can ruin you. You are barely living your own life and you are losing your self-worth, piece by piece.

Empath Healing Techniques

Empath healing can be done in two ways: prevention of further infliction and taking measures to heal yourself. The first way is to let time alone heal it. The second way on the other hand, is done by healing the wound by yourself, using the following tools and practices:

Meditation

Meditation is the key to peace of mind and peace of mind is one of the keys to your healing. Meditation helps you clear all the chaotic and toxic thoughts that are poisoning your mental energy. It aligns the thoughts in your mind that are in complete disarray, as these are the reason you cannot come up with proper decisions in life.

Meditation comes in many types like the "mindfulness" meditation, originating from the Buddhist tradition, which is done by closing your eyes while sitting on crossed legs, with your back straight. The relaxation comes from breathing in and out, and is meant to release depression. You can also try the visualization method of meditation that is a more modern technique. It is a guided meditation done by watching a sequence of scenes or images, along with a voice guiding you throughout the process. There are actually a lot of methods to perform meditation. You just need to choose which among them suits your needs.

Laughter

You release all the negative vibrations inside you when you laugh. Laughter serves as your personal vibe converter because it can transform negative energies inside you into positive ones. Laughing is the simplest method of healing yourself and the best thing about it is that, it does not cost anything. Brighten up your life by laughing every day as it accelerates your healing process.

Discovering Your Outlets

The good news is, you can actually use yours to help yourself heal. Discover your hidden talents or in case you have already discovered them, nourish them. You may choose to paint, draw, write, sing, dance, compose, cook, or anything that could distract you, whenever you feel like you are starting to get covered by an unwelcoming atmosphere of varied energies. Use your talents to serve as your outlets for unreleased emotions like joy, gloom, hatred, or love. What's better than having an instant outlet to vent your feelings is the fact that you can also improve your talents through it.

Nature

An empath's spiritual energy is naturally linked to nature. This is the reason why some empaths possess the talent of geomancy in their subconscious. Provide yourself at least a weekly dose of nature interaction. Stay under a tree, swim in the fresh waters, or go into nature adventures. Your sensitivity allows you to absorb more of the positivity of nature so avail yourself of this healing method if you need a deeper contact to serenity.

Water

Dehydration does not only happen when you literally lack water in your body. It also happens to your soul. Fortunately, water doesn't just relieve physical dehydration but also the body's spiritual thirst. Water is your ultimate ally. It has a lot more function and importance to you than you think.

According to Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese researcher, author and the photographer behind the volume "Messages from Water," emotional vibrations and emotional energies could change the water's physical structure. The conclusion was based on Doctor Emoto's water crystal experiment. Different water from different sources like river, lake, and water facilities, were frozen into crystals. The structures of crystals were observed to be different from each other. Frozen crystals from water that came from sources that are near industrialized areas didn't show beautiful crystals. On the other hand, crystals from fresh, virgin lakes and rivers developed beautiful crystal formations.

The experiment was further developed when Doctor Emoto started experimenting the effects of different actions to water as they are being frozen. Doctor Emoto tried playing music to water, showing letters and pictures to water, and praying to water. It was then found out that beautiful crystals are formed after offering prayer, giving good words, and playing good music to water while opposite actions resulted into disfigured crystals.

Based on Doctor Emoto's experiment, water can be considered as an element that absorbs energies that come from its environment. Let the water release the negative energy in you through cleansing and urination. And let clarity and positivity flow into your spirit through rehydration and refreshment.

Sea Salt

Seawater has a potent wound-healing factor. Sea salt, which is basically the solidified version of sea water and its minerals—can actually be an empath's healer. Since it is easily transferred into the bloodstream, it immediately helps clear out unwanted energy and dissolves negativity from your body.

Among the thousands of choices, the best one for an empath is the Himalayan sea salt. If the usual table salt has only four trace minerals and elements, the Himalayan sea salt contains 84 of them. You can pair your water intake with this salt to accelerate healing. Just dissolve a small amount on your tongue before drinking a glass of water.

Oils

Essential oils particularly target the skin, as well as the olfactory senses, to relax and balance emotional energy within your body. You can also inhale the vapors from essential oils. The limbic system is the part of the brain that is known to have a significant impact on one's emotions. Also, the oil's therapeutic benefits can be easily absorbed by the skin once the oil is applied on it. Oils are more into balancing the hormones and uplifting the spirit with its smooth texture and relaxing fragrance.

Lavender oil is the most versatile oil for an empath; it has tonic effects, and relaxing aroma. Plus, it has antibacterial and antiseptic agents. Basil and jasmine oils are perfect mood enhancers. Geranium and chamomile oils, on the other hand, are best for relaxing your mind state. Don't hesitate using oils as there will always be at least one that can address your current needs.

Repressed Sexuality

Among the aspects of an empath's life, his sexuality receives the least attention. Why? Come to think of it. The murder or bombing scenes in a tv show are seemingly normal to watch with friends or family but when the sex scene comes, everything just gets awkward. That exact moment, already exhibits how discouraged the subject sexuality is in our society.

Sex is a normal function of humans; or at least it was before society and religion decided that it's not. Since society and religion both hold enough power to influence the majority, expressing sexuality has been considered unethical and immoral. This caused sexual repression to take place.

Being an empath entails an extra challenge to control sexual urges and desires. Sexual energies can bother us just as much as emotional energies do. The hardest part of dealing with them is making the decision to whether release them or keep them; but my advice? Release them.

Repressed Sexuality Can Change Your Energy

One of the reasons why I gave that advice is that sexual energy can possibly affect the flow of energy in your body. Yep, we are also prone to unwarranted changes in our own energy, as if not being able to control the energies that enter us is not hard enough. Empaths need to maintain balance among different energies that flow in their body including sexual energy. So, any excess sexual energy can cause imbalance which can eventually lead to mood changes, distractions, or intensified desires for sexual intercourse.

Sexual Energy Can Control Your Whole System

Sexual energy is usually stronger than most of the energies in your body. If you do not let go of it, it can control your thoughts, your actions, or your whole system. You may have experienced feeling a random orgasm in the middle of a supposedly serious moment like studying or working. So, instead of being productive, you spent the whole night distracted while trying to resist the urge.

Aside from random distractions, you may also experience chronic tension due to carrying too much energy within your lower belly. Unfortunately, such accumulated energy is not released during orgasm. You may also acquire insomnia when your sexual energy is not properly channeled. These are just some of the many instances that may happen when sexual energies, in the form of sexual urges, are repressed.

Sexual Energy Might Burst Out

Have you ever thought how rapists could do such horrible things to people? It's possibly due to them, being sexually repressed that they couldn't anymore control the accumulated sexual urge. As an empath, you are supposed to release sexual energy from your body but instead, you tend to bury it in the deepest part of your soul. Hiding it might seem fine at first, until it bursts out of you in the ugliest way possible.

Since you are already aware of the probable effects of sexual repression, you now might be curious about how to release sexual energy. Considering our traits as empaths, we generally have two realistic methods of releasing sexual energy. You either feed it or transmute it into another subject.

Feeding your sexual desire does not necessarily mean sex although it is one of your options under this method. If you are going to have sex, make sure that you have trained your mental and emotional state beforehand. Remember, you need to be confident, assertive, and calm during sex otherwise things will be ruined. I strongly recommend, however, that you should only have sex with your partner. Loyalty is intimacy. It makes you feel more comfortable and connected with your partner. Aside from sex, you may also opt to watch pornographic material, masturbate, or read books about sex and relationships.

2.              Conclusion

I am glad you made it to the end of this book. It is my sincere hope that it has provided you will all, or at least most of the information that you were looking for.

Perhaps, like most people, you only came to identify as an empath in adult life. You always knew you were different, but you could not quite put a finger on it. You felt things that other people did not, and you felt them deeply. At some point, you ever wondered what is wrong with you.

Chances are you picked this book to understand why you feel and react the way you do. In this case, you know that you are an empath. A special gift really, only bestowed on about 15-20% of the population. You are a natural caregiver, listener, and nurturer.

Now you know why you were so affected by the predicaments of even complete strangers when others did not seem to care. They probably said you were too sensitive. And you either went against their opinions or helped anyway, or you suppressed that urge and ignored like the rest. If you took the second option, it must have haunted you for a long time. Such are the intricacies of an empath, which I believe you are now well equipped to handle.

In your strength though; there is fragility too. You feel the emotions of others, so you find yourself bombarded with numerous emotions every single time. Self-care is paramount here, so you can preserve your energy and use it for the greater good. There are plenty of practical tips that will help you do just that.

Your compassion is a beautiful attribute. Even then, you have to accept that you cannot help everybody. You have to set your limits and do just what you can. Do not let this leave you with a feeling of guilt. Those people that you are helping will soon get on their feet, and when they do, they will help somebody else just like you did for them. What you are doing is starting a cycle of good deeds, and the ripple effect will travel far and wide.

You can now go ahead and share your gift of empathy without fear. You are not too sensitive. You are just sensitive enough, and this is what the world needs. Identify an area where you can put your gift into good use. Some may achieve that in their careers, while some have to step out and do something extra. Either way, the world is waiting for your light to shine.

This is not one of those books that you read once. Keep it close and refer to it often. It is written after careful research, so it gives you the pointers that you need on your journey.

Feel free to recommend this book to your fellow empaths. The non-empaths can have a read as well, so they can understand what it is that empaths go through and how they can accommodate them better, so we can all share in this gift that makes the world a better place.

OVERTHINKING

HOW TO STOP WORRYING AND REWIRE YOUR BRAIN TO CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS AND BUILD MENTAL TOUGHNESS TO STOP OVERTHINKING FOREVER.

EVA BERRY

© Copyright 2020 - All rights reserved.

The content contained within this book may not be reproduced, duplicated or transmitted without direct written permission from the author or the publisher.

Under no circumstances will any blame or legal responsibility be held against the publisher, or author, for any damages, reparation, or monetary loss due to the information contained within this book. Either directly or indirectly.

Legal Notice:

This book is copyright protected. This book is only for personal use. You cannot amend, distribute, sell, use, quote or paraphrase any part, or the content within this book, without the consent of the author or publisher.

Disclaimer Notice:

Please note the information contained within this document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has been executed to present accurate, up to date, and reliable, complete information. No warranties of any kind are declared or implied. Readers acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical or professional advice. The content within this book has been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed professional before attempting any techniques outlined in this book.

By reading this document, the reader agrees that under no circumstances is the author responsible for any losses, direct or indirect, which are incurred as a result of the use of information contained within this document, including, but not limited to, — errors, omissions, or inaccuracies.

1. Introduction

Chapter 1 Positive Thinking: Stop Bad Self-Talk To Minimize Overthinking

Chapter 2 Overthinking And Sleep: What Is The Relationship?

Chapter 3 Why You Procrastinate. Identify Your Enemy And Reasons For Self-Sabotage

Self-Sabotage and Procrastination

Chapter 4 Meditation: The Key To Inner Peace

Chapter 5 How To Develop Your Emotional Intelligence

Chapter 6 Consider The Bigger Picture.

Chapter 7 Remove Negative Influences

Chapter 8 Techniques To Prepare For Change

Chapter 9 Acquiring A Mindset Of Action

How to Feel Confident

How to Stop Procrastinating

How to Start over

How to Stop Complaining

How to Get Rid of Bad Habits

Overcoming the Limitation of Hesitation

Chapter 10 Why Panic Attacks Are Triggered Elements

Manifestations

Causes

Reasons for Anxiety Disorder that may astonish you

Anxiety triggers: A Closer Look

1. Medical problems

2. Meds

3. Caffeine

4. Skipping suppers

5. Negative reasoning

6. Money related concerns

7. Gatherings or get-togethers

8. Strife

9. Stress

10. Open occasions or exhibitions

11. Individual triggers

Tips for distinguishing triggers

Chapter 11 Environmental Decluttering

Conclusion To Overthinking..

1.              Introduction

The underlying foundation when dealing with overthinking is to remember that the brain is a muscle. Whatever portion of a muscle that you exercise is what will grow, what is not in use will reduce in size and diminish over time. The focus in the strategy to not overthink is to maintain a healthy balance between considering thoughts and overthinking.

Some people overthink due to the need to plan out every scenario in their life. They can do it out of a sense of worry or of wanting to be in control. One must remember that everyone has limitations and should be self-aware of their hindrances. Accepting this reality may reduce the instances of overthinking. Overthinking should not be confused with thinking things through.

There are various tools you can use to stop overthinking, including:

Second-Degree Thinking

Every choice we make has ripple effects. In second-degree thinking, individuals are encouraged to focus on the impact of their decisions only to the second-degree. Practically when one is making a choice, they should consider the result of the decision. Beyond the initial result, they are only allowed to think of the consequence of the first result. Going beyond this point is categorized as overthinking.

The system provides a structure of when to pursue thoughts in a particular direction providing an end to the trap of overthinking. Practicing second-degree thinking can aid in developing a higher capacity to handle adverse conditions. The same can translate to a higher level of perseverance, which may prove beneficial in preventing overthinking.

Second-degree thinking can complement the viewpoint of embracing simplicity. Such a structure assists you to avoid complicating issues through overthinking.

Growth Mindset

Embracing a growth mindset can help you stop overthinking. Here, one shifts their thought processes from one of scarcity to that of possibilities. Such a mental shift can consider events classified as a failure as opportunities to learn. Also, the viewpoint may help one embrace a relaxed perspective leading to a reduction in negative emotions like anxiety. A growth mindset focuses on the possibilities of situations working out as opposed to obstacles on your pathway. Such a mindset should not be confused with being in denial.

A growth mindset can help you overcome the fear of failure, which may lead to overthinking. Individuals with the right mindset are not afraid of failing as they consider it a part of learning and experiencing new things. You should view it as part of a normal process of stretching beyond your current comfort zone. Using the tool for scenario planning is advisable, yet you should maintain a balance to avoid overthinking. Remembering that failures are a source of information can help you change your view and embrace the same, therefore, avoiding overthinking. Looking at failures as a source of growth can help you avoid overthinking.

Embracing Purposeful Thinking

Connecting your thought process to an overall goal can aid in preventing overthinking. The goal in mind can help streamline thinking, providing a guideline on the focus of the process. The specificity in the framework will aid in determining how to handle various issues, therefore, avoiding the trap of overthinking. Purposeful thinking can also involve embracing the practice of focused thought, which negates overthinking. Purposeful thinking can mean focusing on one task at a time. The result is less distraction that multi-tasking may accompany.

Cognitive Skills Enhancement

One can prevent overthinking by using neuroplasticity to develop their level of cognitive skills. The enhancement will provide tools that you can use to handle thought processes using a sound framework. Cognitive skills will support you to know which structure works best for varying issues you face. Such changes in cognitive abilities can change how one reacts to a variety of situations. What would have caused them to overthink might no longer be a reason for concern.

Encouraging Self-Awareness

Being self-aware that you are vulnerable to overthinking is the first step to stop the process. Awareness entails knowing the triggers that lead you to the state. The triggers can be physical or even emotional. Emotions like anxiety and depression can lead to and also be a result of overthinking. Timings of the day can play a role in overthinking, as some experience the phenomenon when thinking through their actions. For some, this is at the end of the day, while for others, it is at the beginning. Self-awareness can mean accepting oneself. It may involve admitting a lack of control. Self-acceptance may mean admitting your limitations and being okay with the same.

Learn to find satisfaction in having given an activity your best shot. Find a solution within the resources you possess. In the future, when you have better resources, you will do better. Learn how to accept yourself as an individual to stop overthinking.

Self-awareness may involve knowing when to say no to opportunities or individuals. Being aware of your current limits can provide you with a framework of identifying the threshold you can handle that will not push you into a state of overthinking. Such thresholds can be dictated by, for example, hunger. Remember, your brain requires nutrition in the form of glucose to work properly. Hunger can, therefore, affect your mental state, driving you into a state of overthinking, even at a subconscious level. A state of being sleepy can also result in overthinking.

Self-awareness can also provide you with the power to redirect your thoughts from overthinking since you can identify the beginnings of the negative process. You can tell your mind that you will consider the situation at a more appropriate time, for example, when you are most productive. Such a strategy should not be confused with procrastination, where one does not attach a decision to a specific time frame. Giving yourself time to determine the way forward can result in a different perspective when you revisit the issue while making you less prone to overthinking.

Manage Your Emotions

Varying emotions can lead to overthinking, particularly those of the adverse kind like anxiety or stress. Negative emotions can cause you to respond in a way that leads you to overthink. Fear is an emotion that can lead to overthinking. Usually, it combines with a feeling of not being in control. The trick is to focus on positive emotions, therefore, shifting the focus of your thought processes. Managing emotions may include focusing on being grateful. The result is usually the negation of regret.

You can manage your emotions through the power of positive self-talk. Such a practice can help you gain self-esteem and confidence. The result can be a diminishing of the negative emotions that are driving your state of overthinking. Avoid tuning into talk that diminishes your importance even through the constant hearing of negative news. Instead, choose, for example, to read an article or book that uplifts your emotions.

Managing your emotions may involve articulating the basis of your fears that are causing you to overthink. Giving yourself factual grounds for your concerns may prove some contrary sentiments to be false signals. Non-factual emotions can cause the brain to overdrive and try to come up with disaster solutions that can never actually happen.

Thinking through worst-case scenarios and preparing for them can be an effective counteracting action to overthinking. Preparing for the worst can calm your mind since you will know that you, in turn, have a solution for less stressful turnouts. Also, thinking through worst-case scenarios can cause you to realize that it is not as uncontrollable as the non-factual fears can make a circumstance feel. The process can instead result in having a sense of clarity on how to tackle the issues causing overthinking.

Positive Visualization

Visualization is a tool that can help you stop the process of overthinking. Here, having a mental picture of success as opposed to failure can distract you from overthinking. Vision boards tap into the power of visualization in helping people get to their overall goals. They do so by shifting your focus from obstacles to possibilities. You can achieve positive visualization through the power of meditation.

Positive Distractions

Usually, individuals consider distractions as adverse. Positive ones may lead you from a mental place of overthinking to one that is stress-free. Redirecting your thought processes via positive distractions can help you stop overthinking. Creating positive alternatives to situations that may trigger overthinking can be helpful to curb the occurrence of the adverse process. Exercise is an activity that can pull your thoughts away from emotions that can lead you down the path of overthinking. Meditation can also be helpful. Dancing is a good option and may even lead to the promotion of good emotions like happiness that will help steer you away from overthinking.

Learning to play a musical instrument is a good distraction from overthinking, apart from it, providing you with the additional benefit of learning a new skill. Artistic distractions like knitting can also aid in avoiding overthinking. Drawing can be a stress-reliever leading to a reduction in overthinking. Painting can also provide you with an opportunity to shut down the process of overthinking as your mind concentrates on a different task.

Long Term Perspective

One of the ways you can stop overthinking is by adopting a long-term perspective over issues that are currently causing you to ratify such a mental state. Here, think of the impact of the matter causing you stress, for example, in five years. Will it still be of importance? Adopting a long-term mindset can help you bring issues in perspective, protecting you from overthinking. The power of this tool is in its ability to shift the timeframe of effects. Long-term thinking can also equip you with a broader perspective over outstanding issues. Adopting a long-term mindset can help you concentrate on matters that have a higher impact.

Adopting a long-term perspective can help you in aligning your tasks with your values, therefore, preventing the occurrence of dissonance that can lead to overthinking.

Progress Over Perfection

Embracing a mindset that focuses on appreciating progress over perfection can help stop overthinking. Ambition is not equal to a state of being perfect.

Embracing Time Management

Managing your time can be the key to stop overthinking as you schedule periods for specific tasks. The result is you have a framework for redirecting thoughts that, for example, have to do with tasks you have scheduled for future periods. Time then becomes a tool for creating boundaries. You could also set aside time to go through nagging thought processes. Once the time set aside is over, aim to move your thought processes to the next item on your schedule. Time management may also mean setting up deadlines for making decisions. Such an action can kill overthinking, particularly if the time frames chosen are short. When setting time frames, remember to include the steps to take once the period elapses. The time frames given should reflect the impact of the decision to be made with smaller impact decisions attracting shorter periods before decision-making. When managing time, consider carrying out tasks that would cause overthinking during periods when you are most productive. The result can be a feeling of accomplishment, which will help negate overthinking. Time management has the advantage of allowing you periods to prepare yourself for upcoming events, a habit that may lead to a reduction in overthinking.

Time management can be a tool that you can use to encourage the formation of habits that reduce the instances of overthinking. With such a device, you can include positive habits like exercising in your calendar to control overthinking. Time management can aid in controlling procrastination, which can be a reason for overthinking, especially when you end up pressed for time. Scheduling tasks moves you from procrastinating to action.

Another advantage of managing your time is that the habit can be a tool that assists you to break down big goals into small chunks. The process provides a framework for undertaking enormous projects in bits that you can handle without overthinking. The small steps protect you from a feeling of being overwhelmed, which may lead to overthinking. It also takes away the sense of fear that can associate with big projects.

Journaling

Writing down your thoughts over issues, for example, on a journal can help you destress, leading to a reduction in overthinking. The act of writing can bring a sense of clarity as you may identify the root causes of your overthinking. You may also identify factors that link to the issues leading to such a mental state. Journaling can support you in thinking through the sentiments that connect to the events leading you to overthink.

Positive Support Systems

Walking through the journey of life while having a positive support system can help you stop overthinking. Other individuals may have a more objective perspective on the issues that cause you to overthink. Sharing your concerns with others can be a route to destress, and you may end up with a solution from the other party. Such interactions may open up your mental state to the positive happenings in your life, making you less prone to overthinking.

Embrace Healthy Living

What you eat has an impact on your mental state, which, in turn, can make you vulnerable to overthinking. Beyond your diet, healthy living embraces having enough rest. Resting can be in the form of changing your environment, for example, by taking a vacation to clear your mind. Such changes can be what triggers a solution to the issues causing you to overthink. Being away from environments that encourage overthinking can allow you to approach matters objectively.

Resting is essential during regular working days. Such breaks can be a source of rejuvenation supporting your mind to rest, therefore, avoiding the trap of overthinking. The rest should be taken regularly throughout the day for maximum effect. Resting can help you avoid overworking, which may result in mental fatigue leading to overthinking. Aim to sleep for the recommended hours as insomnia can lead to mental exhaustion, making you more prone to a state of overthinking.

Exercising as part of healthy living can be a way to move from overthinking to decisiveness.

Avoid Information Overload

Information overload can lead to overthinking. The kind and amount of information you absorb daily can have a direct correlation with your mental state. In a world where sources of information are readily available, it is imperative to filter the important from the clutter. Limiting the amount of screen time, you expose yourself to can help you control the amount of information you access during a given period. Unsubscribing from emails that add no value to you is another way to manage information sources. Such practices can help you free up time for activities that can support mental relaxation, therefore, reducing the possibility of overthinking.

Information overload may also occur through the regularity of receiving the same. Determining when, for example, you will check your emails can have a profound effect on your mental state, which can determine how vulnerable you are to overthinking.

Chapter 1             Positive Thinking: Stop Bad Self-Talk To Minimize Overthinking

Positive thinking plays a vital role in managing the stress that can lead to overthinking. This feature can also enhance your wellbeing.

Is your cup half-full or half-empty? The way you answer this question regarding positive thinking might reflect your view in life, your outlook towards yourself, and if you are pessimistic or optimistic. It may even impact your wellbeing.

Without a doubt, some researches reveal that personality characteristics like pessimism and optimism can impact many aspects of our wellbeing and health. Usually, the positive thinking which comes with confidence is an essential part of efficient management of stress and overthinking. And efficient stress management is linked to many health advantages. If you are likely to be negative, don't despair, you can know positive thinking abilities.

Getting to Know More About Self-Talk and Positive Thinking

Positive thinking does not mean that you stay your head in the sand and disregardless pleasant conditions in life. Positive thinking signifies that you approach repulsiveness productively and positively. You imagine the best is going to take place, not the most horrible.

Most often, positive thinking begins with self-talk. This trait refers to the endless flow of silent thoughts which keep in the running in your mind. These instant thoughts can be negative or positive. Some of these thoughts derive from reason and logic. Others might arise from delusion which you develop due to information deficiency.

If the pattern of thinking which run in your mind is mostly negative, your approach in life tends to be pessimistic. When your thoughts are positive, you tend to be an optimist- somebody who practices positive thinking.

Positive Thinking: The Many Health Benefits

Experts keep on exploring the impact of optimism and positive thinking on wellbeing. Benefits of positive thinking to wellbeing might include:

➢        Improved life span

➢        Better resistance to a common cold

➢        A lower level of pain

➢        Lower rate of sadness/depression

➢        Better psychological and psychological health

➢        Better cardiovascular wellbeing and minimized the risk of mortality due to cardiovascular illness

➢        Better skills in coping during difficulties in life and time of despair

It is not clear why a lot of us who take on in positive thinking experience these perks. One hypothesis is that, if you have a positive approach allows you to deal with stressful condition well. This minimizes the dangerous effects of stress on health and our body in general.

Also, it is believed that optimistic and positive individuals are like to have a healthy lifestyle. Also, they get physical activity, follow a healthy diet, and don't drink alcohol and don't smoke.

Knowing Negative Thinking

Are you not sure if you have negative or positive self-talk? Some common types of off-putting self-talk take account of:

Filtering: You exaggerate the negative factors of a condition and sift out the positive ones. Like for instance, you do well at the office. You finished the proposal before the given timeframe and were commended for doing a thorough and speedy task. That night, you concentrate on your plan to carry out even more projects and overlook the praises you got.

Personalizing: If something terrible happens, you instantly blame yourself. Like for instance, your holiday was canceled, and you think that the cancelation was because your friends don't want to go with you.

Polarizing: You see the thing as either bad or good. There's no middle ground.

Catastrophizing: You instantly expect the word. The fast-food chain gets your meal wrong, and you immediately think that your whole day will be worst.

Concentrating on Positive Thinking

You can know how to turn lousy thinking into a positive one. The procedure is easy, but it does take lots of time and practice. After all, you are making a new habit. Below are the ways to behave and think confidently and positively:

Know Areas that Need to Modification: To become optimistic and take on a positive thinking, you need to know first the aspects of your life, which you usually think unhelpfully about. It doesn't matter if it is daily commute, work, or relationship. You can begin small by concentrating on one part to approach in an optimistic way.

Open to Wittiness: Give yourself consent to laugh or smile, particularly during hard times. Seek wittiness in everyday activities. Laughing can reduce stress and overthinking.

Check Yourself: Every so often during the day, assess what you are thinking. If you notice that your thinking are mostly negative, look for an avenue to put an optimistic spin on these negative thoughts.

Practice Optimistic Self-talk: Begin by following one plain rule. Avoid telling yourself words that you would not say to anybody else.

Be encouraging and gentle with yourself: Once positive thoughts come into your mind, asses it sensibly and react with confirmations of what's good on you. Think of things you are grateful for.

Examples of unenthusiastic self-stalk and how to make it into a positive one:

Implement Positive Thinking

Negative Self Talk Positive Thinking

I've never done it before.

It is a chance to learn new things

It is very much complicated.

I will address it from a different perspective

I do not have the resources.

Requirement is the mother of discovery.

I am lazy to do this.

I cannot do it due to my busy schedule, but I can re-check some priorities.

There is no way it will work.

I will do my best to make it work.

No one try to talk with me.

I will see if I was able to open the ways of communication.

I am not better on this

I will try it

You cannot eliminate unconstructive situations or thoughts. However, you can decide to concentrate on the best things. You can cart off an optimistic from anything which occurs to you, regardless of how small it is. Perhaps you had a bad day, but somebody was friendly enough to open a door for you once you got to work. Therefore, you have not managed to shed weight sometime- but you have resisted enticement and ignored no-go foods in your diet. Positive thinking is choosing to observe the best things and fight the negative ones by not allowing them to control your life.

Practice Positive Thinking On a Daily Basis

If you are likely to have a bad approach, do not anticipate becoming an idealist overnight. However, with practice, sooner or later, your overthinking will have less self-criticism as well as more self-acceptance. Also, you may become less serious about the people around you.

If your emotional state is optimistic in general, you can manage the stress daily in a constructive manner. That capability might add to the extensively observed health advantages of positive thinking.

Chapter 2             Overthinking And Sleep: What Is The Relationship?

You have those nights when you cannot switch off. When overthinking and catastrophic thoughts keep on running in your mind, you find it hard to catch asleep. Prior to knowing it, it is already two o'clock in the morning, and you are thinking about how many hours left before the alarm clock rings.

Overthinking keeps you alive and awake at night. This also stops you from getting a good night sleep you need to feel energized and refreshed. Lack of sleep has lots of effects on our mind and body.

Effect of Inadequate Sleep

Experts recommend 7 to 9 hours of deep, quality sleep to have a healthy body and mind. But, due to the crazy demand of this work, most of us don’t get our much needed amount of sleep, and most have been experiencing sleep deprivation. Additionally surprising though is that a massive number of individuals think that sleep deficiency is a common thing and is not a big deal. Even if in most cases, this might be true, but severe sleep deprivation can be a harmful thing if it’s not addressed. There can be many harmful effects of sleep deprivation which cannot just affect our personal life, but our professional life too. Here is some of the impact of sleep deprivation:

Headache: Lack of sleep can lead to a problem that can later progress to unbearable migraines.

Decreased Focus: Lack of sleep, the muscles in your brain gets exhausted, leading to lowered concentration. This effect can be proved to be harmful if you are in a job which involves running a machine.

Imperfect Memory Recollection: During sleep time, our brain is busy processing our day, making connections between events, sensory input, memories, and feelings. Lack of sleep our mind may not be capable of processing and remembering things better.

Depression and Negative Behavioral Changes: Lack of sleep has a drastic effect on our mental wellbeing. If you’re always drained and tired, it can make us moody, irritable, and cynical. What is more, sleeps affects many of the chemicals in our body, which include serotonin. If you lack of serotonin, you will suffer overthinking and depression.

Affect Body Repair Process: Lack of sleep, our bodies aren’t able to fix itself properly. Our body generates more protein when we sleep, and these are accountable for repairing body damages.

Risk of Cancer: Research shows that those working at night have a higher risk of colon and breast cancer. If you do not get a good night sleep, it might lessen the amount of melatonin, a hormone which controls our sleep and is believed in protecting against cancer through suppressing the development of tumors.

As you see, there are lots of side effects from sleep deprivation. But, these harmful effects can be overcome by having a good night sleep. If you are one of the many people out there who are experiencing sleep disorder, it is highly recommended to get an instant solution to cope with these harmful side effects.

What is Circadian Rhythm and Its Effect?

Have you heard your friends mention that if they don’t get the right amount of sleep, they aren’t able to work or may result in having a bad day? Can pulling all-nighters have an impact on your circadian rhythm? Do you naturally respond differently to day and night, and darkness and light? When your body is distracted by the abnormality in the natural beat of your circadian rhythm, you are setting yourself up for an exact malfunction.

Many external influences, like temperature, day and night, hunger, and stress, can affect our circadian rhythm. Physical, behavioral, and mental changes usually follow a twenty-four-hour biological process. Our built-in natural time clock or circadian rhythm is an individual’s life cycle.

When your natural order of functioning is blocked, you find that eating habits, the body as well as overall wellbeing can become off-balance. This interrupts the natural flow and pattern of functioning every day. This hypothesis which our body reacts to a natural twenty four hour cycle of operation that is similar to that of plants, animals as well as our planet reacts to a natural daily evolution and rhythm.

Conclusion based on scientific study shows that disruptions or fluctuations in our psychological growth affect the mental and physical wellbeing of our whole body. Proof of this can be seen in sleep deprivation. The natural order of the body’s circadian rhythm tells you when it needs rest when to sleep or rise, opens us to the alertness of our surroundings and how to react to it.

Our natural rhythms exaggerate heart rate, intellect, creativity, body temperature, and physical performance. Obstruction in our circadian rhythm can affect our memory, metabolism, and learning. A change in environmental irregularity, as experienced by those working at night, can add to challenges in our overall health. People are less focused during off-peak periods. By living close in position with our circadian rhythm, we can experience better wellbeing and enhanced quality of life.

Change Your Sleep Pattern to Avoid Stress and Overthinking

Sufficient sleep makes us feel good, but its significance goes away beyond improving your mood and getting rid of under-eye circles. Adequate sleep is an integral part of a healthy lifestyle. A good night sleep can benefit your weight, heart, and most especially your mind.

The health benefits of adequate sleep extend beyond just feeling good in the morning. Sleep not only recharges our energy level but also restores our bodies systems. Like for instance, rest restores our immune system and helps it to work at its best. Insufficient sleep can hinder our immune system and makes us prone to illness and disease.

When you sleep, your body goes into repair mode. It concentrates on repairing and building muscle, bone, and other body tissues as required by our body. Our body is set up to go into a kind of maintenance form while we sleep, which allows it to focus on repairing things. Not that our body does not do some repair while we are awake, but sleep allows it to concentrate without dividing energy between restoration and the activities we do when we are awake.

Mental health is one of the many perks of enough sleep. Changing your sleep pattern helps our mind to unwind, regroup, and deal with stress and other problems like overthinking. If we don’t get our rest, our mind and body are less able to deal with and adjust to stressors. Also, we are more susceptible to developing anxiety, depression, and other diseases. Sleep helps in keeping the chemicals in your brain balanced and allows your mind to process out demanding or painful thoughts from your day. You miss out on these sleep health perks when you do not get your rest.

It is so hard to get back lost rest and recoup the perks of sleep. If you miss a few hours a night during the workweek, you cannot necessarily sleep longer on the weekend and look forward that you have balanced out your lack of rest from the week. Most likely, you’ll need a little additional sleep for a couple of nights in a row for your body to feel back on track.

Chapter 3             Why You Procrastinate. Identify Your Enemy And Reasons For Self-Sabotage

Not everyone can do their work on time. Of course, there can be people who complete their work on time, and we need such people. But we are talking about the other group who are struggling to make it on time. The ones who can’t meet their tasks and are procrastinating regularly.

You’ve already discovered that you are procrastinating and now, you are looking for ways to overcome the problem. This is something great, isn’t it? Yes, it is!

If you are someone who hasn’t yet understood the fact that you are delaying your work, then, it’s something serious. But, you are here because you have understood it. Now, let’s understand the concept of procrastination in-depth.

Why do you procrastinate? Is it because you are lazy or is it because you are bored with that particular work? Sometimes, procrastination is directly related to your lazy behaviors. And some other times, it has nothing do with your behavior, but your mood. Likewise, there are different reasons for procrastination. We’ll be discussing all the reasons that make an individual procrastinate.

Unfortunately, it takes some time and knowledge for the procrastinator to understand why it is so hard to focus on something and get the things done in the specified time.

Well, the most straightforward answer is you already know that you must do it, but you are not ready to do it. And the reason is you don’t yet understand the value of time. It has become a habit to wait until the last minute to get things done. Also, if luck is on your side, you’d be able to get the work done even at the last minute.

Regarding the people I mentioned in the introduction, they tend to get things done at the last minute. And unfortunately, it makes them feel confident. Thus, they make it a habit to delay work and get it done in the last moment. So, what are the consequences of this behavior? Yes, quality. The quality of the work might be jeopardized. But some people don’t let the quality be affected, so such people face other consequences.

For example, let’s consider that you have taken the project to be completed in two days. But you just wasted a day so that you are only left with one more day. Within that day, you would have to complete the whole project. So, in such a situation you’ll have to delay all the scheduled tasks.

For example, going out with your family or friends might get canceled or delayed. Even though canceling plans with friends and family might not affect your project, it will definitely affect your mood. So you see, the consequences of not adhering to the deadline impacts not only the quality of the work but also your life. You will not be able to manage your day-to-day activities, if you don’t work on time.

Procrastination is considered unhealthy, so it can never be treated as something healthy. Even if you are a pro at getting things done in the last moment, you will still have to face the consequences. Many people assume that procrastination is okay because they somehow get the work done without compromising the quality. Well, that’s not the case. Even if you are getting the job done, there are a lot of problems that you have to deal with when you delay action. Thus, procrastination shouldn’t be categorized as something healthy.

That said, now let’s talk about the next group of people. They are the ones who deal with anxiety and panic due to procrastination. Even though you know that you are procrastinating, you keep repeating it over and over. And that’s because you have not felt the problem yet. Maybe you haven’t yet lost a huge project due to procrastination.

Actually, many procrastinators I meet tend to say they procrastinate because they are lazy, disorganized, or don’t even care that they are procrastinating. They know what’s stopping them from being productive, but still, they don’t fix the thing that stops them.

Does that make sense? If you know the activity that stops you from reaching your goal, you must stop doing that activity, right? Instead, you keep doing it, and in the end, you become the loser.

However, most procrastinators are wise, and they are hardworking individuals. They are capable of doing their work, but they don’t do their work on time. And not doing work on time is a huge problem.

Okay, now you are wondering whether you fall into the first category or second, am I right? Despite the category, you have to worry about the reasons why you are procrastinating. What if I provide a few questions and you just try answering them? Once you have found the answers, you will be able to find the reason. Or maybe you’ll get a clear understanding of your behavior. Let’s go:

Q1. Once you get a project, do you start thinking negatively about it?

Negative thinking is one of the reasons that cause you to delay the project that you must do. When negativity invades, you start questioning your abilities and skills.

You think that you have so much to do and there’s so much to research, so you think that you must start it when you have a good mood. And for your information, that good mood never comes and eventually, you end up delaying the project till the last minute.

Thus, whenever you get a project, you must believe that you are capable of doing it. You must consider every new project as challenging. However, you must love the work you do, and if you love it, procrastination can be controlled.

Q2. If you fail, what impact will it have on your reputation?

As I said, there can be people who procrastinate and yet get things done in the last minute. But sometimes, they might also face failures due to their habit of delaying. Just imagine, your habit of procrastination might not have affected your work life yet.

But if it does? What if you get fired due to delaying the projects? How will it affect your reputation? Have you ever thought about this? Most people don’t think it through. Thus, they keep delaying their work without even feeling the importance of it.

The moment you start understanding the importance of the work and how it might affect your reputation, you’ll become organized. Or if you don’t, you’ll have to face the consequences.

Q3. If you perform well you might have more responsibilities, is that why you don’t want to do the work on time?

You must understand that meeting deadlines is one of the important qualities of a worker. If you do the work on time, you will feel comfortable and good about yourself. You wouldn’t have to stress on completing the project.

Almost all the negative emotions can be avoided if you stay on track. So you see, working on time has very less to do about others and a lot to do about you. If you think that you’ll receive more responsibilities, you must talk to the relevant person and turn it down politely. Just because you’d get more responsibilities, you shouldn’t procrastinate. Even if you do get more responsibilities, it will be beneficial for you!

Q4. The task should be perfectly done. Do you believe in perfection?

Well, it is good to think about doing something perfectly. But the moment you target perfection, you tend to delay. For example, your first draft will not be perfect, but through editing, you make it perfect. Somehow, we have to spend a little more time to get the final product. Thus, you must understand the concept of delaying shouldn’t be related to perfection. But most people delay due to this factor, and they want to get the perfect result, so until they get it, they delay!

Q5. Once the task is assigned, do you wait for the right time to start?

Most of the time, the right time that you wait for never comes until the deadline is close. If you follow the habit of waiting until the right time, you might never get things done on time.  I have associated with people, who believe that they should wait for the right time.

Let me mention an example, assume that a project was assigned in the evening, the procrastinator starts it the next morning. If you ask why he/she will say that the project was assigned only after half of the day was gone. Of course, yes, but he/she still had time to, at least, plan the work. But the procrastinator who waits for the right time will not do it. Instead, he/she will waste time and worry later.

Q6. Once you get a project, do you divide the work according to the level of importance?

Well, most procrastinators are good planners, but not good followers. They might plan the project, and they might even divide the tasks as per the level of importance. But they will not follow the way they planned. Instead, they will focus more on less important things and struggle to complete the project in the last minute. Basically, they will not follow the plan they write.

Q7. If you have two or three weeks to complete a project, do you use the phrase “I’ll start tomorrow?”

If yes, no doubt, you are going to end up impacting your work-life balance. If you neglect the importance of the deadline, you will not be able to get the work done on time. If you don’t get the work done on time, you will not be able to maintain the balance in life.

What happens when you don’t have the work-life balance? You struggle to hang on to the ONLY job you have while trying to keep the family bonds stronger. Do you really want to have a hectic and an unsteady life and mind?

Q8. If you have a tight deadline, will you consider doing unimportant things?

If your procrastination level is exceptionally high, you might not consider deadlines as a big deal. You might even ignore them. Or you may even focus on other unimportant things. Some people do such things even if they have very tight deadlines. But remember, procrastination will not let you do anything peacefully.

These are some of the questions that you must ask yourself, I have mentioned certain factors as well, by using those you’ll be able to get a clear idea of what and how you should make decisions if you have these problems.

Sometimes, procrastination hasn’t caused any problems for you yet. Thus you don’t consider it a problem. But if you rewind and see how you reacted and felt when you had tight deadlines, you might sense the negativity it caused. When you delay something, you fear every minute whether the client will ask for the project, every call will create tension, every message, and so on. Do you really want to handle this tension?

You should accept that procrastination is a cycle of shame, avoidance, fear, and anxiety. If you don’t get the work done on time, it will run in your mind until you complete it. Maybe you’ll watch a TV series, or maybe you’ll play video games instead of doing the project assigned, but the thoughts will be about messages from your client asking for the completed project. You will not even enjoy the game or the TV series because your mind is tense and it is not at all soothing.

If you had allocated the days and completed the project before the deadline, you could have spent time playing or watching TV series without any guilt or tension. Think about it, wouldn’t it be wonderful? If you once try this, you will know the taste of working on time.

However, most procrastinators forget the consequences they often face and then, they keep repeating the same thing over and over. Thus, I’ll share a few exercises and tips that you must follow to overcome procrastination.

Self-Sabotage and Procrastination

Procrastination has a direct connection with self-sabotage, and there’s no doubt about it. Whenever you are procrastinating, you are self-sabotaging. Have you ever felt that way? Normally, people are aware of the things that they do, and they know, by doing it they will be benefitted. Yet, they resist doing the things that must be done. It’s just like doing wrong to yourself. You become the enemy, not anybody else.

As an individual, you will have goals to achieve. You might be working towards achieving them, but then, you get distracted by unimportant things.

Whenever you get distracted, the unimportant things may look substantial, whereas the essential things may look unimportant. If you are dealing with this, it is not because you are unable to perform the task. It is because you are losing the motivation to achieve your goals. This is where self-sabotage comes into the picture.

Sometimes, when you want to start something great, there’s something that stops you from doing it. Or sometimes, you might be so confident of finishing a certain project within the given time, but then, you see yourself running behind the deadlines. Why does it happen?

Have you ever wondered the reasons why such things happen? You must focus on the underlying reason so that you can take necessary actions to overcome them. However, you must understand that self-sabotage is related to your mindset. The way you look and see things have a lot of connection to the concept of self-sabotage. Constant failures mean you are not motivated, and it is high time to treat yourself. To make yourself understand the importance of your goals and aims.

Only you can stop self-sabotage because you are the one who’s causing it! How will you do it? You just have to understand and find the pattern, once you do you will be able to work against it! There are two main contributing factors when dealing with self-sabotage: negative thinking and perfectionism.

You must understand that negative thinking is dangerous because it can cause a lot of damage to your productivity. If you are regularly criticizing yourself, you will not be able to achieve your goals or tasks.  Maintaining a good relationship with yourself is crucial. You are important. Most people fail to understand their self-worth, and it triggers negative thinking. If you are kind to your own self, you will be able to build a successful relationship, and it will help you do better in whatever task you are completing.

Similarly, the need or compulsion to begin only once you have perfected the skill is another motivator for self-sabotage. You assume that there is perfect timing for everything, but actually, it is not true.

The perfect time is when you start the task or the milestone as soon as possible without postponing. Most of the time, when you wait for the perfect time, you tend to lose track of the deadline, and it makes you get things done in the last minute. This will lead to poor work performance.

You must be sure to overcome the two main factors that deal with self-sabotage. Also, know that there are different tools that you can find online to overcome self-sabotage. It is highly recommended to search for tips and tricks to overcome self-sabotage. Learning has no limit, so keep educating yourself.

Accept that you get distracted, if you do, it will not take time to overcome it. The ones who don’t accept the truth tend to struggle a lot to overcome it!

Chapter 4                     Meditation: The Key To Inner Peace

What springs to mind when you think of the word meditation? Do you imagine a monk with shaved head sitting for hours in a trance? A swami lying on a bed of nails? Do you imagine it as some boring fad for weird people? Maybe you think it's too hard or that it's just not for you.

To set things straight, meditation is not a fad. It has been around from our earliest history and is not going away anytime soon. In the west today, it has become a way of life for people from, all walks, from CEOs and brain surgeons to high school students and housewives. Successful stars and celebrities like Clint Eastwood, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs and Kobe Bryant to name a very few, all swear by meditation.

This chapter offers an in-depth look at meditation and its benefits and hopefully, will dispel many of your misconceptions along the way. The goal is to help you make an informed choice about whether you want to make meditation a part of your life, and how to go about it.

Why meditation?

We are living in one of the most hectic and fast-paced ages in human history. We are bombarded on a daily basis with new discoveries and trends, news of horrific world events, we face fiercer competition in career and business and we are under immense pressure to keep up with it all. Despite all our progress and the conveniences available to us, our lives are more stressful than ever before.

In order to find peace with the outside world, we need to find peace within ourselves. Doesn’t that make total sense? Well, meditation, more than anything else, is the key to that inner peace.

A brief overview of meditation

1.       The word meditation has its roots in the Latin word meaning "to ponder". The philosophy behind meditation is to form a stronger connection with our body, spirit and emotions and to gain awareness of how our mind influences our behavior and reactions to the world around us.

2.       Meditation is actually one of the 8 "limbs" or branches of yoga and is called Dhyana in Sanskrit. It is described in ancient Sanskrit texts as the way to attain liberation.

3.       In later centuries, other writings throughout Eastern Asia used various terms to describe the practice of meditation. These include "guiding tranquility", "embracing the one", embracing simplicity" and "guiding the middle".

4.       It is a relatively new concept in the west but today, its regenerative powers are being used in the fields of medicine and psychology to supplement traditional treatments.

5.       Studies on the benefits of meditation and how it affects the body and the brain are constantly making new discoveries, giving us more reasons to adopt it as a lifelong practice.

The history of meditation

There is no accurate evidence for where or when meditation first began and its origins are a topic of debate. Some researchers suggest that meditation was practiced in some form or another beginning with the Neanderthal age but there is no concrete evidence to support this.

The earliest written records date back to 1500 B.C. from the Hindu tradition. These texts mention the practice of Dhyana or "the training of the mind".

There are written accounts of meditation in the Buddhist scriptures from the first century B.C. It is wrongly believed that it was Buddha who invented meditation. Although his writings describe different meditation techniques, he looked to other enlightened teachers to learn and record these techniques. Although Buddha did not invent meditation; he is credited for spreading the concept through his writings and developing several techniques..

Hieroglyphic texts from ancient Egypt have been found which describe the nature of the mind and instructions for how to meditate, confirming that the ancient Egyptian knew and practiced meditation.

In China, references to meditation were found in early Daoist writings from the 3rd to the 6th century B.C.  by the Chinese philosopher Lao-Tze, who laid down the principled of Daoism. His writings speak about meditation as the 'wisdom of silence".

In the 7th century, A Japanese monk called Dosho traveled to China to study Buddhism at the hands of one of the great Buddhist masters. He is credited with bringing that practice of Zen meditation back with him to Japan, where it became widespread.

There is evidence that meditation was practiced in the Early Jewish tradition. For example, the Torah mentions Isaac going out into a field to meditate. The Jewish school of Kabbalah also practices its own forms of meditation, which centers around prayer and deep philosophical thought.

Meditation was also practiced in Sufism, an ancient Islamic tradition that appears to have been heavily influenced by Buddhist meditations. A Sufi attempts to gain oneness with God by swaying or twirling to music or by chanting mantras and going into a trance state.

The practice of meditation first became known in the west in the 1700s, when ancient Sanskrit texts describing the practice were translated into several European languages. But it remained no more than a topic that was discussed by philosophers

Meditation gained increasing popularity in the 20th century, especially in the United States, with the migration and visits of prominent Indian spiritual teachers.

Today, meditation has become a common practice throughout the world. By 2012, there were over 700 programs worldwide just for mindfulness meditation.

Today, science continues to study the effects of meditation on the body and mind and important findings have been reached regarding its benefits for various physical and psychological conditions.

The long-term benefits of meditation

The benefits of meditation are cumulative, meaning that the longer you practice, the more long-lasting benefits you will achieve.  Here are some of these benefits:

Smoking is one of the hardest habits to break but studies have shown that the regular practice of meditation gives you a 90% chance of kicking the habit – and the likelihood of never relapsing.

Meditation alleviates chronic pain including back, neck and joint pain

It improves the immune system which is responsible for regulating the chemistry and functions of our body.

Improves fertility

Helps you become more spiritual and accepting of yourself and the world around you.

Helps you become self-aware, self-confident and more   able to change negative behaviors.

It helps sharpen the mind.

What science tells us meditation can do

In addition to its general benefits, we can also access the following benefits which research findings have confirmed:

Helps reduce stress, anxiety and social anxiety disorders. This is through a specific type of meditation called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, a technique developed at the University of Massachusetts Center for Mindfulness.  Studies have shown that this method works on the areas of the brain that are "me-centered", bringing changes in these areas that alleviate stress and social anxiety disorder.

Meditation helps with addiction. A number of studies have proven that meditation works on the "control areas" of the brain and therefore, can help overcome addictions. One study found that people who practiced meditation to beat addictions were far more likely to achieve permanent results than with conventional rehabilitation treatments. Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention is another form of meditation developed by psychologists that helps cure addictions.

Meditation boosts achievement in school children. Some schools have begun to incorporate mediation session into their class schedules and the results have been fascinating. Studies have shown a rise in grade and attendance rates in these schools. Other studies are ongoing to confirm the cognitive and emotional benefits of meditation on school children.

Reduced work-related anxiety. Several studies including one on a group of nurses showed that regular meditation helped reduce anxiety in high-pressure jobs, even after participants stopped meditating for some time.

Enhances attention span. Two studies showed that an 8-week meditation course taken by participants in two different work fields increased their attention span and their ability to focus longer on daily tasks, as well as improve their memory about details of the tasks they had performed.

Improves sleep. We all have trouble sleeping at certain points on our lives and many people struggle with chronic insomnia. Meditation can help control "runaway thoughts" that keep us awake at night. Studies on people struggling with insomnia have found that participants who meditated regularly were able to fall asleep faster and to stay asleep longer than participants who did not meditate.

Boosts emotional health and promotes kindness. Numerous studies have been conducted in this area. One of these showed that regular meditation decreased depression on over 1400 participants by improving their self-image and negative outlook on life. Another study measured the electrical brain activity of participants. Those who meditated were much more optimistic, empathetic towards others and had a much more positive outlook.

Can reduce memory loss related to aging and keeps the mind young. One type of meditation called Kirtan Kriya, which is based on repetitive finger movements and the chanting of a mantra, has been shown to improve attention span and memory retention. Participants suffering from age-related memory loss showed significant improvement after practicing this type of meditation. Studies are currently ongoing to show that meditation can also improve memory loss in patients with dementia.

Decreases high blood pressure. High blood pressure can put an immense strain on the heart and is the leading cause of heart attacks, hardening of the arteries and aneurysms. One study conducted on 996 participants showed that one type of meditation which involved repeating a silent mantra or word in the head, reduced blood pressure by an average of 5 points. Several other types of meditation have led to similar results. Meditation relaxes the nerve signals between the heart and blood vessels that trigger the fight or flight response.

The above findings are all the more reason for why you should consider meditation of you are not practicing it already. There is so much to gain and nothing to lose!

How meditation can rewire the mind

More research on how meditation affects the brain chemistry and neural activity has been ongoing for several years. New findings are published on an almost weekly basis showing how meditation can transform the brain. A diverse range of neurological benefits have been discovered so far, including:

Increased connectivity and coordination between regions of the brain.

The increased volume of grey matter, which keeps the brain young and preserves memory.

Minimized activity on the "me" areas of the brain which cause stress and worry.

Meditation minimizes activity in the area of the brain responsible for our minds wandering, called the Default Mode Center. This helps us focus more, sleep better and worry less.

It is clear from the interest taken by science and the discoveries made already, that meditation can and does influence brain activity. And who knows what other amazing discoveries are yet to be made!

How to start your meditation journey?

If you are a beginner, there are several simple steps you can choose from to get you started without feeling overwhelmed/

Invest in a Meditation app. This is a highly recommended investment for beginners and veterans alike. Meditation apps are subscription packages that simplify meditation, putting everything you need to do   at your fingertips.

Depending on your choice, a meditation app may contain a number of meditations, soothing music, "sleep stories", basic instructions, reminders of your meditation times and much more. The best apps cost money of course, but an annual subscription ranges from $7 - $25, so it really is a good investment. There are also some free apps out there that you can try as well. Some of the most popular apps for 2019 are The Mindfulness app, Headspace, Insight Timer, Calm and Simple Habit.

Studies have also shown that people who used a meditation app were more likely to meditate more than those who don’t. 62% of app users meditate 3 times a week compared to 52% of those who do not use an app.

Take beginner's meditation class. This is another good way to learn the basics of meditation. You can likely find a variety to choose from in your area. You can find online classes as well if you prefer to learn from the comfort of your own home. For more advanced meditators who wish to dive more deeply onto new methods and techniques, a meditation coach or advanced class is a good idea.

Trusty YouTube. As ever, YouTube is an excellent resource for learning the A – Z of meditation as well as accessing tons of meditations under the topic of your choice; stress and anxiety relief, inner calm, mindfulness, physical health issues and even Christian meditations.

Helpful tips

Start with guided meditations. Even if it's just a short breathing meditation, using a guided at the beginning will give you an idea of how long you should breathe and out, what to focus on, how to sit, and how to start and end a meditation. Relying on guided meditation for the first stage of your journey will allow you to relax, follow the steps without worrying what to do next and just enjoy!

Start with short meditations. The average meditation is usually around 20 minutes but shorter 3-5 minute meditations are best for beginners. Once you start developing the habit, increase your meditation time gradually.

If you meditate daily for 3-5 minutes for 10 days, you will be on your way to forming a habit. Once meditating becomes a habit, it will become as easy as brushing your teeth every day.

Make meditation a morning habit. Starting your day with a morning meditation when your mind is fresh and rested is better than meditating after a long busy day when your mind is more likely to wander. Try to meditate every morning, even if it means getting up a little earlier.

Go for a quiet walk. If possible, go for a nature walk directly after meditating, or sit in a quiet scenic spot. This will help you hold the inner peace for longer and feel at one with everything around you.

Keep it simple. Yes, there are many types of meditation techniques and methods with varying philosophies behind them but don’t let yourself get caught up in the technicalities. Remember, id school kids can meditate then you certainly can. You don’t need a special meditation room or cushion. You can easily meditate sitting on a park bench or on the beach, or in your office during lunch break.

Join a community. Become part of an online community to share ideas and experiences with like-minded people. You will feel supported by helpful people eager to answer your questions, and you might make some great friends along the way!

Let's conclude with this powerful quote by the famous swami and spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yogananda: "Calmness is the ideal state in which we should receive all life's experiences". Tranquility and peace is how we are meant to live and interact with the world. Attaining inner peace through meditation empowers us to stop being in conflict with ourselves and with the universe, opening the way for us to become who we want to be.

Speak to someone who is advanced in meditation and hear from them the effect that inner peace has had on their lives – and know that you can start your own journey to inner peace today.

Chapter 5             How To Develop Your Emotional Intelligence

Indeed, emotional intelligence can be learned and developed. One of the ways of enhancing your emotional intelligence is to observe how you react to other people. You should not rush to judgment before you comprehend all of the facts. Avoid stereotyping people like this breed biases and clogs your judgment. Examine closely at the manner in which you interact with other people and try to empathize with them. Start being more open and accept the views of other people and needs. Then examine your workplace and determine if you seek attention for your accomplishments. While humility is a wonderful attribute, it does not imply that you lack self-confidence. Learn to give others a chance to shine by putting the focus on them and avoid worrying much about looking for praise.

It is possible to develop emotional intelligence by doing self-evaluation. Start by determining your weaknesses by responding to the question of are you willing to acknowledge that you are not perfect and that you need to fix some areas to become a better person. Muster the courage to examine yourself honestly, as this can change your life. Then review how you respond to demanding situations. Some of the things to look out for could be that you get upset each time there is a delay or something does not conform to your plans. Review if you tend to get angry or blame others even when it is not their fault. Remember that the ability to remain composed and in charge of challenging situations is highly valued. Learn to maintain your emotions under control when things seem uncontrollable.

It is also important that you learn to take responsibility for your actions. For instance, apologize when you hurt the feelings of another person directly. Do not overlook what you did or seclude the person. If you make an honest attempt to rectify things people are more willing to forgive and forget. Review how your actions will impact others prior to taking these actions. Put your place in the position of others if your decision will affect others. Ask yourself if you would prefer the same experience that you are about to subject others to and all this is part of operationalizing emotional intelligence.

Furthermore, begin to notice how you feeling at any instance as a way of developing emotional intelligence. For instance, maintain a diary of the times that you are in a good mood at work. Understand that moods are contagious and that leaders of an organization define the weather in that organization. Ask yourself the kind of forecast that you are inviting at your workplace each day. By noticing when you are in a positive or negative mood, you will begin to handle your emotions. You can pause before reacting. Go further, imagine a performance conversation with your employee if you were in a negative state of mind, and make a comparison to when having the same exchange when in a positive state of mind. Determine what would change. Desirably, start working to change your emotional state by taking a walk, listening to music, venting to a co-worker or taking some deep breaths. You can also engage in any other action that assists you to avoid getting emotionally charged.

Indeed your emotional intelligence is not rigid

While changing reputation might be relatively easier, adjusting the internal emotional intelligence tends to be difficult. In other words, there is a likely mismatch between the inside feelings and the external feelings a person projects to the people around him. It is acceptable that some individuals are born shy and self-centered while other persons are gifted with composure and soft-skills. Fortunately, every human behavior is adjustable. Another encouraging piece of news is that emotional intelligence increases with age even where there are minimal interventions.

Effective coaching programs work

Fortunately, a well-formulated intervention program will help an individual attain as much as 25% with respect to improving emotional intelligence. The most trainable element of emotional intelligence is interpersonal skills that can give 50% improvements. In this aspect, emotional intelligence can be treated as teaching social etiquette and negotiation. Stress management programs can yield as high as 35% improvement where both the trainer and the candidate are committed. Various studies affirm that with sufficient coaching individuals can become more altruistic, pro-social, and compassionate. High emotional intelligence attributes are likely to lead to enhanced levels of mental and physical health as well as happiness. Improved marital relationships and social relationships are also attributed to enhanced emotional intelligence levels. The emotional intelligence programs can be more sophisticated and employ an eclectic approach

Seek accurate feedback

Agreeably, you can only work on your shortcomings if you get accurate feedback. Even though several inputs are critical for an effective training program the most critical element is giving candidates accurate feedback. As seen, most individuals are unaware of how others perceive them and this common among managers. Your notion of how appealing you are as likely to be less accurate and this attributed to overconfidence or wishful thinking. Most individually wrongly thin that they are better than they actually are. For this reason, a good emotional intelligence-training program should start with helping people comprehend what their real weaknesses and strengths are. The best outcomes can be realized by using reliable and valid evaluation methods such as personality tests.

Concerning feedback, it is important that you deliberately create an environment and personality that encourages others to voice their opinions on you. Naturally, we all want to hear positive descriptions of our behaviors and personality. Feedback is not a criticism but rather a reflection by the people on the much they understand us. Against this backdrop, it is critical that you do not be tempted to disagree or victimize colleagues that voice feedback that portrays your weakness. A mistake that most individuals make is to interrupt the feedback and start justifying why the acted in the manner noted. Feedback is the complete picture that you painted out there and the crowd is simply describing that picture.

Techniques vary in efficacy

In trying to enlist for coaching to improve your emotional intelligence levels appreciates that, some techniques are more effective compared to others. Even though there is little evidence on the personal attributes of effective trainers, there is evidence of the approaches employed that deliver. Some interventions to improve emotional intelligence deliver more than others do. Most of the high impact approaches to enhance emotional intelligence fall under cognitive-behavioral therapy. Efforts to improve psychological flexibility, which is the ability to acknowledge and handle challenging situations, are also effective. Meditation and relaxation are among the popular but not necessarily effective approaches to improving emotional intelligence levels. Interventions are created to improve self-esteem rarely deliver even though the popular belief is that they work. Additionally, coaching is also an art and the effectiveness of a program will also rely on the talent of the trainer.

Similarly, some individuals are more trainable compared to others

It is highly possible for best training methods for improving emotional intelligence levels to fail with particular individuals and this is expected. There are unenthusiastic candidates. Clients with people skills, greater self-awareness, and more empathy are likely to be highly receptive to efforts to adjust their emotional intelligence levels. Individuals that are sensitive to criticism, worry about the future and are insecure should be willing to change for better emotional intelligence levels. Arguably, evaluating the candidates’ trainability levels can enhance the impact of the training. Some studies link employee demoralization and mental health issues to the behavior of their managers and these inhibit productivity and employee retention levels. Most of the employee turnovers are triggered by stress. There is a possibility that managers embracing emotional intelligence training may lead to lessening the frequency of employee demoralization at the workplace.

Learn to reduce negative emotions

Equally important, an individual should learn to manage adverse emotions that can overwhelm and impact the judgment. One of the ways of managing negative feelings is to change how you react to them. For instance, avoid making a negative conclusion outright when feeling strongly opinionated about the behavior of someone. Take an example where you feel that your friend is ignoring you for not picking your call. You can also take the position that your friend is busy or far from, the phone or the phone could be on silent mode. By avoid personalizing the behaviors of others; you will start to make an objective conclusion. Understand that a person acts or behaves because of the individual needs compared to the needs and feelings of others. By widening the perspective, one can lessen the possibility of misunderstanding.

Additionally learn to minimize the fear of rejection and one proper way to handle the fear of rejection is to grant you multiple choices in critical situations. When you have several options, you will focus less on the outcome as you have alternatives. It is a good practice to be hopeful but you must have contingency plans. For instance, when applying for a dream job, you are likely to be devastated if that was your only option if you are not absorbed. You can increase your options in the example given by applying for three exciting positions.

Learn to stay calm

The ability to maintain composure can help manage stress. The manner in which we handle stress can make the difference between being reactive and assertive. The most advisable thing to exercise when under duress is to maintain calmness.

Express difficult emotions and be assertive

It is sometimes necessary to define boundaries in life to communicate your stand. One of the situations that require taking a stand is when exercising the right to disagree or rejecting something without feeling remorseful, defining your priorities and safeguarding yourself from harm and duress.

Learn to recover from adversity

Accept that life is not straightforward and mistakes and losses will arise. Additionally understand that the manner we think, act and feel in relation to challenges in life can create the difference between despair versus hope as well any other feelings. However, take each challenging situation as a learning moment. For instance, interrogate yourself on any benefits for thinking outside the preset boundaries and you might realize you are likely to increase your choices and open up your feelings.

Learn to express intimate emotions in relationships

Another way of developing emotional intelligence is to possess the ability to express and validate loving emotions to maintain close personal relationships. With time you will learn to share reciprocate constructive emotions and react positively when others return the feelings. One of the simple things that most people ignore is salutations and asking about how other people feel. From the adjectives, that a person uses you can effectively differentiate how the person is feeling and adjust your tone and attitude to be accommodative and comforting to the person. Additionally, the body language bidding is important and this includes things like smiling, eye contact and patting the elbow.

By learning to manifest positive emotions in a relationship, you enable the other person to return such reactions. Fortunately, positive emotions in a relationship and how to express them can be learned. One of the ways of enhancing your expression of positive emotions in a relationship is through the appropriate use of nonverbal cues of communication. For instance, project your voice when speaking about a formal issue and lower the pitch of your voice when talking about a personal issue. For some people shaking hands signals more than just greetings as it shows confidence and willingness to hold a conversation.

Without expressing your emotions, the other party in the relationship will not get a chance to read your feelings and this will interfere with communication. Words and phrases such as “I care about you” help verbalize your feelings. Some individuals find it embarrassing or feel unease expressing their true feelings. Lack of manifesting your true feelings will only increase the chances of misunderstanding between you and others. In a relationship, lack of expression of feelings can strain and end the relationship as each party cannot effectively read the mood and intentions of the other party creating a disconnect in communication and feelings.

Empathy

Additionally, on empathy, it is important to also visualize why the other person is happy or angry. Empathy should not be used only for negative emotions such as anger and disappointment. It is also advisable to try and picture yourself as the other person who is contented or happy. By learning to position yourself in the other person’s shoes, you will increase your understanding of the other person life. A mistake that most eager learners of emotional intelligence make is to consider empathy only for negative emotions such as anger and disappointment. Negative emotions are only a portion of the complete spectrum of human feelings, which include positive emotions.

Chapter 6             Consider The Bigger Picture.

Overthinking only magnifies trivial things so much it causes panic, and the world is already terrifying enough as it is. Also, overthinking makes a little issue an unnecessarily big deal.

Every day, we go through one trial or the other and over time, our bad experiences breed fear. Fear of bereavement, or loss of valuables, fear of dissatisfaction and discontentedness in life, fear of flopping in an interview and losing a job you have not even gotten yet, or fear of ruining that first date.

Don't let yourself be limited and held down by fear. Don't let fear keep you from reaching the heights you desire.

Not everything will go as planned but don't be discouraged because setbacks usually are indicators of greatness yet to unfold. Hence, when making your plans, you need to learn to relax and trust the process. The relationship between intention and fear is the tendency to be less afraid when we are more willing to believe in our intentions and push aside every negativity to focus on the chances of having good end results.

Overthinking is so easy. It's so easy to let yourself slip into that over-analytical mode every single day but you need to learn to pause and look at the general overview.

We need to realize that most of these things that seem like a big deal now will most likely not be significant in a few months, or a few years, or sometimes even in a few weeks.

The moment it dawns on you that what seems so huge of a deal is only but a minute speck in comparison to the broad view, then maybe you will stop magnifying it.

Outlined below are a few tips to clarify things and help you look beyond your fears to see the general overview:

Pause and ruminate. Immediately when you start to feel yourself overthink, just pause for a moment to mull over things. Then asking yourself plain but important questions might help put things in perspective.

Ask yourself what the issue is precisely. Identify the specific problem you are having a hard time with is and this can help you make the right adjustments.

Ask yourself about how the whole thing makes you feel. If you find yourself unsettled over it, then you most probably won't get any clarity.

Now ask yourself about the why. Why did you respond the way you did? Was your reaction suitable? You will agree with me that we tend to lose it and have a fit in the face of a volatile situation. Pausing to consider these things can help get issues clarified.

Come to terms with the things you can do nothing about. It is pointless and enraging to overthink things that you can't change and it can cause you to have a mixed up view of life. It can be hard but with the tips below, you can learn to just let go of things you can't control.

Identify your part and task. Can you do something about it? Or is it totally out of your control?

Be optimistic. One of the few ways to handle a case you have no control over is to just find something good about it and stay optimistic.

Progress. Retrace your steps when you find that you are going around in a circle, getting the same outcome. Assess your actions to consider other options.

Stop measuring yourself up against other people. Comparing your occupation, appearance, skill, and wits to those of others is totally uncalled for. Life influences and molds people in different ways and no two people have the same lives. These comparisons only set unattainable heights for yourself to reach. Nobody else has lived your life but you and you can never live another's life. Never forget that you are one-of-a-kind.

Learn from past experiences. No matter what you might be combating, reflect on past events in relation to the issue at hand and watch yourself worry less. So, deliberate on the lessons to be learned from these historical events and see how they can help solve the issue at hand.

Concentrate on the things you can change. It's harder to make changes to a case you deem impossible. Therefore, start by trying to change the littlest things in your control in order not to feel totally useless. For instance, when job hunting is looking futile, try to pinpoint what you should do to begin or accelerate the process. Sooner than later, you will find more jobs to apply for or just simply fill an application form to begin the process.

Be hopeful about the future. Another thing that overthinking does, is make the future look bleak to you. You might just feel like there is nothing to look forward to. You need to learn to separate the current happenings in the present from the unknown in the future. Your pessimism in the present doesn't have to take away the hope of the future, no matter what. Instead of saying things like "I will never be able to complete this work", say "how can I achieve this goal and complete my work." See yourself done with the project and look forward to the satisfaction.

Pinpoint your feelings. Your tendency towards optimism may sadly be dependent on how other people see you. Be concerned on how you view yourself, and who you are to you instead of caring about everyone's perspective of you. For instance, be more quick to ask yourself what you like in yourself instead of what they may or may not like about you.

Never forget that things change. Life is variable. Times and seasons change. Those who are happier and sometimes live longer are those who have learned to adjust to those changes. For a clearer understanding, one way you can learn to adjust is by seeking out old pictures and noting how much you have grown. Perhaps you can start all over again by taking photos of yourself now as a measure against the change you desire. Looking at the "basis" picture from time to time can inspire you and help you to work on the present.

Visualize your surroundings. You should be comforted knowing that in this vast world, there are, most likely, at least 2 other people who have a similar issue to yours. You are not alone! Stop trying to solve every problem, the truth is that you are only one being, you can't win them all by yourself.

Devise practical objectives. Setting up reachable goals can really help sustain clarity. When setting up your goals, stay away from unrealistic goals, those ones that are so daunting, they seem impossible. For instance, you can set a goal where you will lose a few pounds per month if your long term goal is to be 100 pounds slimmer. Instead of trying to lose it all in the first few months, break it into units.

Put things into a wider perspective. Ask yourself how long this will matter. Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks? Envision a happy ending.

Chapter 7             Remove Negative Influences

This may be one of the toughest chapters, and I’ve waited to write on this topic until this point because I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed. Having a little momentum going before getting to this point may help you see clearly, now that you’ve taken a step back, evaluated your thought processes, and begun to change them through better, healthier habits.

Removing negative influences from your life encompasses a great deal of space that is filled with different things from person to person. Negative influence does not look the same for everyone, so again, it is important that you not get caught up in comparing yourself with others. No one out there is better than you because they don’t struggle the same way that you do. I guarantee all those people who appear to be living perfect lives in social media are struggling with their own personal obstacles.

Go ahead and get out that list from a few chapters back detailing all of the sources and causes of overthinking in your life. You may have mentioned things that have happened to you in the past that you continue to carry with you, past trauma, or bad treatment from others. Maybe you wrote down things like a bad boss at work, or friend who keeps trying to get you to get high with her, or videos in your social media feeds that show you images of the person you’re supposed to be and it’s making you sad. Now that we’ve walked a few steps forward in the process of turning overthinking into focused achieving, it’s time to look at your life and determine how many of those negative influences are still present. You may have eliminated some big sources of overthinking, stress, and negative emotions, but are there a few still present in your life that is holding you back from your goals? For each reader, this list is going to look very different and I’m not trying to take the place of a counselor. But with a clearer mind, you should be able to see how certain influences continue to cause you more harm than good. It is up to you to make changes in these areas, but I can offer a little advice for you along the way.

First of all, it’s never easy to cut ties with something or someone who has been present and comfortable in your life for a long time, even if this presence is ultimately harmful. A lot of times, people see what they want to see and avoid anything too challenging. That’s probably where you were at the beginning when you first decided it was time to make a change.

Getting rid of negative influences in your life is very important to your progress. It is very easy to embark on a journey like this, succeed, then slide back based on the negative influences you let take ahold of your life again. Confidence is important, but it is also important to not underestimate the power of other people and influences in your life. Even the smartest of us are fooled sometimes, whether it’s a marketing scam or a lie from someone we trust. If there is someone in your life who is having a negative influence on you, it may be time for an important conversation.

Talking to friends

First, let’s talk about how to approach friends. A lot of times in a strong friendship, we learn to overlook little things about the person’s personality or character that we may not think are perfect. Nobody is perfect, and your friendship is more important than a lot of those little imperfections. You may have had bad arguments and disagreements, but if your relationship has lasted through these, you know that the bond you have with the friend is very strong. But sometimes, the things we overlook are actually a lot bigger than we make them out to be and need to be addressed.

There are many different kinds of negative influences that can be introduced from a friend. Your challenge is to determine whether these negative influences are hindering your progress toward becoming a happier, more functional person. If the answer is yes, as hard as it may be to accept, it may be time to have a talk with your friend about removing the influence, or else cutting ties completely.

This is never an easy decision to make and it may hurt at first. But if you give yourself a good amount of time to think it over and keep coming back to the same hard truth, it really is a good idea to move away from that influence.

Try not to make the meeting confrontational. Even if the discussion ends up being a difficult one, the best way to approach it is through the lens of how much you value the good times you’ve had with your friend. Sit down together and approach the subject by explaining thoroughly what you are trying to do in your life. Explain that you are making a lot of difficult changes in order to live a fuller, healthier life. Explain that you’ve struggled with the same mindset for so long without results, and now it’s time to remove influences that are keeping you from your goals.

It may not be so serious as to have to cut ties completely with your friend. Perhaps it is just a behavior or tendency that you need to ask your friend to stop bringing up around you. If they tend to gossip nonstop and talk negatively about other people and you find that this feeds your cycles of obsessive thoughts and overthinking, then tell your friend you don’t want to talk about those things with him or her anymore.

Perhaps it is drug abuse, alcohol abuse, or some other physically harmful influence your friend keeps bringing around you. In both of these situations, a friend who truly cares for you and your wellbeing will understand as long as you approach from an honest and genuine place. Don’t come out accusing your friend of purposely causing you harm. They may believe their lifestyle works for them and they have no intention of stopping. But that doesn’t mean they won’t be willing to adjust their behavior around you in order to help you reach your goals.

Think of another possibility. You may begin talking to your friend or friends about what you are trying to do with your life, and they may light up at the idea of trying it themselves. Through having an honest discussion with your friends, you may just gain a strong ally and partner to continue down this path to clarity. Don’t be afraid to talk from a place of vulnerability and earnestness. You may just prove to be a powerful and positive influence on their lives in return!

Talking to a loved one or partner

Talking to a friend about how they may be negatively influencing you in some way is hard, but talking to a loved one or partner is probably going to be far more difficult. If you are lucky enough to be surrounded by supportive, positive influences in your life, then count yourself very fortunate indeed.

However, if you are suffering in a toxic relationship to any degree, it is very important to address the problem as soon as possible. And while grappling with a decision of whether or not to cut ties with someone close, it is important not to confuse something that is fixable through discussion and communication with those things that are not. Everything needs to begin with clear, honest communication. Research shows that a large percentage of marriage problems stem from bad communication habits. Miscommunication can turn a minor misunderstanding into something devastatingly painful. If something your partner or loved one has said or done caused you pain, perhaps it was simply a miscommunication on their part. This won’t be the case for everyone, but if you’ve experienced a mostly positive, supportive relationship with that loved one, then there is a higher chance that it is something as simple to fix as miscommunication.

However, if you’ve experienced a long history of constant abuse in one form or another, then it is time to gather up some support and confront the negative influence head-on. Don’t disappear without a conversation unless the current situation is putting you in physical danger. If this is the case, it is imperative to leave the situation immediately.

But if it is a matter of breaking up with a boyfriend or communicating with your partner or loved one about how to break some bad habits that are hurting you, your best route is to set aside a large amount of time for some serious discussion. Again, it is going to be very important that you not begin the discussion by being confrontational. Be honest and offer some background and context for why you need to talk. Confusing your loved one is not going to help you.

As with a situation where you need to talk to a friend, honesty and vulnerability are the best policies. Don’t do all the talking, give your friend or loved one a chance to talk and explain how he or she is feeling as well. If the relationship has strong redeeming qualities and is worth working on, then you should end up at some kind of understanding and agreement for moving forward.

Give yourself time after a break-up or cutting ties

If your decision was to break it off with the negative influences in your life, then you need to give yourself some time to recover and move through those emotions. Don’t try to get right back up where you left off if you are hurting and need time to grieve the loss. This is completely normal, even if what you’ve rid your life of was negatively affecting you. Human beings are creatures of habit, and anytime a regular presence is removed abruptly from our lives, we’re going to feel effects as we readjust. You may need a day or two or a couple of weeks or even a month. This is okay. When you are ready, come back and refresh yourself on your goals and keep moving forward.

The worst thing you can do is try to cushion your emotions with a rebound. There is nothing more harmful to you or another person than using someone else and their emotional attachment just to soothe your own emotions. Even if this is tempting, it is important to support yourself and find more healthy tools for moving through your feeling of loss after a bad relationship. Trust and depend on those people in your life who will love and support you. Don’t turn to a stranger.

Other negative influences

Now that we’ve gotten through some of the tougher topics, let’s talk about some other possible negative influences that may still need to be addressed in your life.

Bad food habits are some of the most difficult habits to break because they are so immediately gratifying. The same is true for habits like drugs and alcohol, which offer immediate feelings of inhibition and euphoria. Don’t let guilt come into play as you evaluate your food habits. Everyone struggles with eating healthily, and the fact that you can’t seem to stop getting that chocolate bar from the vending machine at work every day doesn’t make you a bad or weak person. The fact that you recognize it as a bad habit is a great place to start.

Here it is again—take baby steps. Don’t decide that from now on, after having eaten chocolate every day for the past two years that you are going to never touch chocolate again. I promise you…it isn’t going to happen.

Instead, limit your chocolate intake by one day per week. That’s right. If you literally eat a Twix bar or something every single day, choose one day out of the week and set a goal of not eating chocolate that day. It’s as simple as that to start making healthy changes to your eating habits. Although this chapter is all about removing negative influences completely, we still must consider that changing behavior and eliminating bad habits is not something that happens overnight.

If you buy your chocolate at the same place every day, then there are additional steps you can take to help you start eliminating this habit. Find a different route to your desk, even if it is longer, that does not pass that vending machine or the snack counter or the cafeteria at work. Obviously, this will be adjusted according to your environment, but just seeing a place that offers chocolate is a bad influence on your behavior because seeing that place triggers in your brain that it is time to eat chocolate.

The same principle applies to advertising. When you see those images of juicy hamburgers in TV commercials, it’s not just because they’re trying to show their products—they are subconsciously influencing your cravings and placing a connection in your brain that associates being hungry and craving hamburgers each time you see this commercial.

To remove this negative influence, try to limit your exposure to these ads. It may be difficult, as these ads are everywhere. But with a little creativity, I’m confident you can find ways to remove a lot of this influence from your day-to-day routine.

Removing as much of this influence as possible is going to do a lot toward improving your self-esteem and positivity. And again, all it takes is one small change at a time.

This is going to remove the pattern of seeing an image and immediately judging yourself in comparison with what you see.

The same influences exist on your phone and other mobile devices. It may be harder to avoid these ads, but a good start would be to go through your social media feeds and stop following personalities who advertise workout or nutritional products and then flag ads that keep appearing in your feed that you don’t want to see anymore. And, of course, the best way to remove this negative influence from your life is going to be limiting the time you spend on your phone in general. Replace the hours you usually spend on the internet with something more mentally healthy, like something from your new list of interests and healthy habits to introduce into your life. It may be difficult at first, as breaking off any bad habit always is, but you will immediately start to see and feel the positive difference of clearing your mind of those influences.

Another negative influence may be difficult to pinpoint at first, as they present themselves as helpful and vital to self-improvement. If you are prone to listening to someone else in your life and seeking out their advice, it may be time to try and break off that dependency in favor of becoming more independent in your thought process and habit forming. Like I said before, no one knows you better than you do, and just because something works well for someone else, doesn’t mean it’s going to work perfectly for you as well. So, stop watching Dr. Phil and get out your journal. Listen to your mind and body. It should be a lot easier now that you’ve done so much to clarify your path to a better you. Also, be proud because you’ve done all the heavy lifting yourself!

Changing your job or career situation

In the realm of negative influence, nothing can be more insidious than the slow, gradual death of working a dead-end job. If you left high school or college with big ideas and plans for your life, only to see them disappear as you settled for that boring but dependable job at a company you don’t even care about, it may be sucking you dry of any and all motivation, passion, and energy.

If this is you, rest assured that you are not alone. Our society today encourages and even praises those figures who are willing to work themselves to the ground for a nice paycheck. We are inundated with the message from a young age that success equals money and responsibility. But, as we’ve already reflected on, the more you gain, the more you clutter your mind and home and the more stress you introduce into your life.

Life isn’t about gain. If the career is not something you love or are passionate about, it’s not worth your entire life’s commitment. Life is way too short for that.

This may be the last and biggest obstacle standing between you and your new self. As we near the end of this book and your new confirmation as a refreshed human being with a clear mind ready to be filled with positive influence and experience, make sure that the one place where you may be spending the majority of your time throughout the year is somewhere you truly want to be. Don’t do this or pursue that because other people tell you it’s the right thing to do. Do it because it’s where you want to be.

Chapter 8             Techniques To Prepare For Change

So far, you have familiarized yourself with some of the key causes of overthinking and negative thinking.  You have gained knowledge of primary traits and side effects that result from overthinking and repeating negative and fearful stories to yourself.  Similarly, you have become familiar with what it means to be a positive thinker and what it takes to begin changing the negative patterns you have established.

With a solid understanding of both positive and negative thinking, it was easy for you to build upon to develop an understanding of thought modification.  Now you are familiar with the origins of behavioral conditioning and how this study has grown into thought modification and cognitive behavioral therapy.

You are beginning to see how all of this information comes together in a plan and process to reduce and remove negative thinking from your behavior and replace negative habits with positive ones.  You are gaining clarity on how these tools can be an effective part of your thought rehabilitation.

There are three more foundational tools to add to your toolbox.  The three techniques in this chapter are some of the most widely studied and commonly applied techniques to help individuals and patients to shift the way they think and develop positive patterns instead.  These techniques are known as “the 3 Ms”; mindfulness, minimalism, and meditation.  We will look at the origins of each and how to apply these concepts to your own shift in thought-patterns.

In addition, you will see examples of each of these as they apply to thought modification, and what you can expect to see because of implementing these tools in your daily life.  These concepts will help the overthinker keep his or her mind from wandering, and it will help bring the wandering mind back to home base when the thinker says to return.  Use these approaches below to defeat overthinking, end negative automatic behaviors, and declutter your environment and your mind.

Minimalism

Origin

The idea of minimalism has existed in various forms and practices for many years and through many generations, and maybe better known as the idea of “simple living”. History’s Mahatma Gandhi, for example, was a proponent of simple living at the turn of the century.  Gandhi believed that the individual had become too commercial; in addition, consumerist, too enamored with material possession, and because of this, the individual had become spiritually, morally, and creatively bankrupt.  In order to reignite our spirit, creativity, and ethics, we must return to a simpler lifestyle.  He frequently practiced this way of thinking and living; rejecting extravagance and indulgence, and making his own food, clothing, and shelter.

The minimalism we typically know of and refer to is a version of these ideas, though often not so extreme.  In the 1960s, the United States latched onto a trend in art and fashion known as “minimalism” and coming from Europe and Japan.  In the world of art and fashion, the idea of minimalism detoured from the ideas of Gandhi, but at the root, they had not.  The idea was still to accomplish greatness with the least possible means.  In art, this resulted in strikingly stark abstract paintings and sculptures; absence of color paired with a solitary bold color, sweeping minimal lines and movements, little to no fine detail.  These ideas were inspiring and groundbreaking and indeed set the stage for minimalist architecture in the U.S. through the 60s and 70s.  Homes and buildings were designed to capture natural light.  Materials were organic aesthetics such as wood and stone.  Lines were simple; nothing ornate.  Flat, clean surfaces, everywhere.  Again, though quite different in some respects from the teachings of Gandhi, the architectural designs still echo the ideas of simple living by using natural materials, open-concept space, and natural lighting.

Minimalism has since evolved into a mindset and a lifestyle practiced by many in order to feel a sense of peace and order in daily life.  This mindset still consists of the echoes of Gandhi and minimalist art: less is more.  What is meant by that ultimately is that the less you have to be distracted by, the more you learn to grow, love, and learn; the more you develop spiritually and creatively.

Application

For overthinkers, we can take this same concept and apply it to thought modification.

Less is more.  When you have fewer thoughts vying for your attention and focus, you can give a higher quality of attention to the most important thoughts. When you downsize your possessions, you can find and use the possessions you do have, more easily.  You can use and store these items properly.  You can enjoy them more thoroughly.  This can bring a very calming peace to your environment, but doing the same with your thoughts can bring that peace to your mind.

Sift through and toss the junk. It is okay to sort through the thoughts, wonders, and worries of your mind and scrap the stuff that is no longer working or that no longer fits.  The beliefs from high school that you have been carrying around and acting on, are they still what you really believe or are you just holding onto them?  As situations arise and you call on your thoughts and beliefs to guide you, ask yourself whether the information you are operating with is actually the information you still believe - or need.  Toss what is not serving you and making decisions will suddenly become much easier.

Set clear and measurable goals.  Prepare yourself for the success of your goal.  This means that when you set a goal, picking what you want is the first step, but not the last.  Pick the goal you want, but then, make sure to set a clear deadline.  Make sure to set clear parameters.  This will help you to measure the success and speed of your goal.  You will have a benchmark of what you expect and if you start to veer off course, you will be able to notice it quicker and adapt to it better.  A goal without a deadline is a daydream.

Simplify your environment. Whether this means getting rid of some old furniture you have been meaning to sell at a yard sale, or it means painting the room you have been meaning to finish painting, simplify it. Especially if you have one spot in the home that you can call your own, start there. Clear it and organize it.  Get rid of items you no longer use or want.  File paperwork. Clear items out of drawers and cupboards.  Declutter your space.  Then, simplify it further by bringing in one or two solid, muted colors that are calming to you and conducive to your space.  Add natural elements like plants or pictures of plants and nature. Keep materials natural and basic.  Keep up with your space and give it a little TLC once a week to ensure it stays a peaceful environment for you to relax in.

Minimize worry.  When you begin to panic about an idea and your mind races looking for the answers, minimize the millions of tributaries and stories about the idea down to one idea.  You have the question, and you have the answer.  The answer is hard to hear when all the other thoughts are yelling at you.  Eradicate the other stories with one story.  You have the answer.  You are listening to it. It is coming.

Reuse positive thoughts.  When you find a set of thoughts that feel good, even just one or two, reuse them.  Stick to them for a while. Enjoy them.  Expand on ways to enjoy them.  Repeat them.  If a particular idea or phrase puts everything into perspective for you, use it often.  Repeating the ideas and beliefs you do truly hold in your life now, helps them to become stronger in your subconscious mind and on your internal map of reality.  It also allows the older beliefs you no longer agree with to dissolve away.

Forgive and forget.  For an overthinker, it can be helpful to practice minimalism when things go wrong.  If you have done something to let yourself down, or someone else has, consider letting it go. Do not be so hard on yourself.  Holding onto that guilt is reminiscent of hoarding and that is not a minimalist approach.  Let bygones be bygones.  Forgive and forget, and start anew.

Expectations

By implementing minimalism in your mind and in your environment, you will be adding calm and clarity to your lifestyle.  When you keep the fundamental pieces and let the rest fall away, you are suddenly able to see and enjoy the fundamental pieces at full value.  This can serve us well in our thought processes and in our physical environment.

It is not uncommon for overthinkers to have trouble cleaning and organizing the home.  This occurs because the individual overthinks the cleanup process; stopping to assess each item, where it should go, how it will be used when it will be needed… It becomes too overwhelming and the things around the individual build-up. A minimalistic approach helps the overthinker to declutter the surrounding environment and the internal thought-house.

Mindfulness

Origin

Mindfulness, like simple living, is a concept that goes very far back through history but comes to the U.S. through relatively recently means. In the 1960s, the United States grew more familiar with Vietnamese Buddhist monk and activist, Thich Nhat Hanh.  Hanh studied, practiced, taught mindfulness, and in fact taught at Princeton and Columbia University in the 60s. It is primarily through the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh that mindfulness has found its way into Western culture.

Thich Nhat Hanh taught in mindfulness to regularly take notice of where you are in your mental process.  He also taught the importance of slowing down to live in the moment and practice the small daily pieces of life with extra-sensory focus.

American medical professor and society founder of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, Jon Kabat-Zinn, recognized the teachings of Hanh. For a time, Kabat-Zinn was a student of Hanh’s and eventually went on to develop the study of mindfulness, as we know it today.

Many of the techniques and practices used today in coaching and therapy, as well as personal practice, are rooted in the same two concepts:

Bring yourself back.  Refocus, recollect your thinking.  When your mind begins to wander from the one thing you are doing, gently bring it back.

Savor the moment you are in right now.  Rather than wanting to rush through one thing to get to another, appreciate the step you are at in this very moment.  If you are washing the dishes, your mind should stay on the one dish you are washing.  You pay extra close attention to the experience of washing this one particular plate in this one particular moment.  If your mind starts to slip and think about the next plate you will wash, you gently bring it back to the plate you are holding and focus on, quite literally, the task.

Application

Practicing mindfulness is a wonderful complement to practicing minimalism.  Both remind the individual that simple is better.  If it feels too complicated, you can probably simplify it, whether it is a physical space or a mental attitude.  Here are a few mindfulness techniques commonly used by practitioners and therapists, as well as self-practicing individuals. Keep in mind they are all to do with a focus on the small and simple pieces of everyday life.  They may seem mundane at first glance, but that is the point here.  Something we might normally rush through is something we should fully observe and appreciate.  That includes the moments that are not so enjoyable.

Sit in a chair, only.  Find a chair and sit in it.  Do not do anything else.  Sit in the chair only. Sit in that chair for about 5 minutes and when your mind starts to wander, bring it back to the observation of the chair.  How does it feel?  How does it smell?  What does it feel like?  Hard or soft? Silky or leathery? What does your skin feel like on the chair? What does it sound like when you move in the chair?  In addition, when your mind begins to wander, gently bring it back to focus on the experience of sitting in a chair, and nothing else.

Eat mindfully.  When you are eating, alone or in a group, at home or at the office, in any situation you find yourself eating practice mindfulness.  Move your utensils more slowly than you normally might.  Take a bite on your fork or spoon that will easily fit into your mouth without a struggle.  Chew that piece of food more slowly than you normally might. Pay closer attention to the textures and flavors.  Put your utensil down while you chew.  Take a sip of water after swallowing your food.

Engage the senses.  This can be something as simple as enjoying the smell of the soap or shampoo you use in the shower, or something as extreme as skydiving.  There is a wide range of activities from one to the other and you are sure to find comfort somewhere between them.  Give your senses a new thrill.  Visit a new city or town.  Listen to new music.  Rent a car just to switch it up.  Try a food you have never had.  Find ways of igniting the senses.

Listen and nothing else.  When someone is talking, give your full attention to him or her.  Be attentive to the language they use to express themselves.   Pay attention to their body language and what they do not say. If you are on the phone with someone, sit down and talk to them as if they were in front of you.  Avoid talking on the phone while you are doing 10 other things around your house.

Do not multitask.  Get it yet?  It is about doing one thing and one thing only, and dedicating your focus and attention to that one thing until it is complete. As often as you can, practice giving your full attention to one process at a time and watch how much faster you, excel at the activity.

Learn from pain.  It is part of life, there is bound to be some discomfort.  If you want flowers, you have to have showers.  Mindfulness says to be patient and kind with yourself about that, too.  In the moments of life that don’t necessarily feel good subjectively, you can still experience calm and happiness in knowing that you will learn and grow from this painful experience.

Expectations

The primary benefit of practicing mindfulness is giving the analytical mind something to do and focus on; observe the moment, savor the moment.  The busy analytical mind has an activity to engage in which keeps the mind from otherwise following the negative streams of thought to a sad conclusion.

The secondary benefit of practicing mindfulness is the natural increase in positivity.  By practicing mindfulness, individuals often gain satisfaction from the realization that they could enjoy doing things much more when the goal is simply to enjoy doing anything that comes to them.

In addition to these rather abstract benefits, the practice of mindfulness can benefit in physical, measurable ways, too. Mindfulness often helps to lower heart rate and blood pressure, increase circulation, release tense muscles and joints, and assists in helping sick individuals to recover faster.

Meditation

Origins

Meditation is an ancient practice that dates back as early as 5000 BC and perhaps even further. Thus, it is difficult to say with any accuracy when and where meditation began.  What is easily known is that meditation began to make its way into the United States at the end of the 1800s, as the western world became familiar with India through Great Britain.  At a time in society when the paranormal and the occult were all the rage, meditation, and any exotic alternative that broke norms and challenged taboos, fit right in.

Meditation on a large scale can represent a religious devotion.  Meditation on a smaller scale can offer a decrease in perceptual stress and anxiety, and improved health, especially of the heart and circulatory system.  It is recommended that you meditate for as little as 10 minutes each day.  Meditating for a longer period can be beneficial too, but for many, it creates too much resistance and only 10-20 minutes is achievable.  A routine practice of 10 minutes or more, at least once a day, can have a significant impact on you physically and mentally.

Many people think meditation does not work for them or they cannot do it.  This is an unfortunate misconception.  In almost every case of this, the individual has been misinformed about what meditation is, and what has to be expected.  When the individual is freed from the restrictive thoughts of what meditation must be, they are able to enjoy its benefits without resistance.

Application

There are many different types of meditation, but in one form or another, most forms of meditation focus on creating a silence in the mind.  In whichever form of meditation you practice, this usually means that you become quiet, still, and focus on an external stimulus like the sound of your breathing or the sound of the wind or water.  When your mind begins to wander, you bring it back to the moment and refocus on the sound of your breath, or the wind, or the water.

Let us take a look at several types of meditation that can be easily practiced almost anywhere, by almost anyone.  Pay attention to which forms of meditation sound comfortable to you and test one out today.

Kindness Meditation:  In this meditation, exercise you sit in a peaceful and quiet location for about 10 minutes with your eyes closed.  During this time, you keep your mind on only one thought.  The thought is usually a message of loving-kindness you want to send to someone.  For example, let us say a friend has a broken leg and you are hoping for them to recover soon.  To perform a kindness meditation, prepare a short basic sentence that expresses your love for your friend and your desire to see them well again.  As you meditate, repeat this phrase as a sort of mantra, all the while trying to elicit the positive feelings of seeing your friend well again. When the mind wanders, bring it back to this mantra.

Progressive Relaxation:  In this meditation exercise, you sit in a calm and quiet environment and become still and soft.  Typically, you would begin by slowing the breath and listening to it; concentrating on the sound of it.  After about a minute or so, you focus on one small aspect of your being with the goal of relaxing it.  For example, let us say it is time to relax your jaw. Wiggle your jaw and stretch it out for a moment.  Imagine the tiny muscles and nerves in your chin relaxing.  Imagine your tongue relaxing.  Move your tongue around in your mouth and feel it relax.  As you relax each part, you move to another, slowly relaxing pieces of yourself from head to toe.  If you intend to practice meditation for longer than 10 minutes, this is an excellent one to start with.  It keeps the analytical mind focused on the task, and the extra relaxation makes it easy to stay in this meditation for upwards of 20 minutes.

Breathing Exercises:  There are many different breathing exercises that work effectively and the key is to find one or two that you really like to use.  In a breathing meditation, the main objective is to only focus on the sounds and feelings of your own breath.  When the mind wanders to other thoughts, it returns to the breath.  One very common breathing exercise is to close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly and comfortably.  As you inhale, count to 3.  Hold your breath in your lungs for a moment and then exhale and count to 5 so that your exhale is slightly longer.  Focus on this practice only for 10 minutes.  Another popular breathing exercise is to breathe slow and deep and when you do, imagine that breath going into a sore or uncomfortable area of the body;  a sore back perhaps. You imagine that breathe stretching out the sore area and giving it a good massage, and as you exhale, you imagine the soreness leaving with your breath.

Kundalini Yoga:  This yoga practice doubles as a meditation practice and the individual experiences peace of mind through focus, and physical health benefits as well.  To practice Kundalini, you would learn a set of poses or movements that you would blend.  Each time you restart the movements, you focus on making them as perfect as you can.  When the mind wanders, you bring it back to your form.  The set of movements usually includes 4 - 8 poses that start over at the completion of each set.

There are of course many other forms of meditation and if none of these sound as if they will suit you, do not give up on meditation.  Consider what it is you are looking for in an effective meditative exercise and then use other resources to find the form of meditation that will best suit you.

Expectations

By adding as little as 10 minutes of meditation to your day, you are reducing stress and anxiety.  You’re quieting the mind and training it to know that obsessive negative thought patterns are not the only thought patterns you have at your disposal. Giving yourself the opportunity to rest the body and mind simultaneously for just 10 minutes a day promotes emotional health and enhances self-worth and self-actualization.

Meditation is an excellent tool for lengthening the attention span and improving the memory and it can actually reduce memory loss for seniors as they age.  You can look forward to more control over your thoughts and emotions with 10 minutes to realign and focus.

In this chapter, you’ve prepared for making positive changes to your thought and behavior process by equipping yourself with the 3 Ms; mindfulness, minimalism, and meditation.  You are more than ready to move to the next step and establish new thoughts and behaviors.

Chapter 9             Acquiring A Mindset Of Action

If you are going to realize your dreams and achieve your life goals, then you must have a mind that is ready to rise up to the occasion and actualize things bit by bit. Let us try and break this down as much as we can.

How to Feel Confident

Many people are not born confident. You might be one of them. Fortunately, this value can be worked in various ways to a degree of perfection. When achieved, confidence shall improve the quality of your life immensely.

Think positively

Reality is what you perceive. If you think you feel confident, then you are. Relive your happier situations. Thinking positively is not tricking or kidding yourself but taking control. Do not allow yourself to live on negative thoughts. Learn to stop yourself upon such realization or find a way of reframing them positively. Do not be hard on yourself. When you think positively, you also tend to be more confident with yourself in multiple ways.

Be grateful

The more you think and really affirm that things are working out for you in ways, the more you assert that you are good at what you do and that you have every backing with you. You have the skill, talent, mindset, your loved ones, and a future to go for. That is all you need to get going, and it means a great deal.

Smile

Smile and you will be happier. Do not wait to be happy to smile. Smile and be happy. Smile and notice your stress levels and blood pressure down. A smile is a wall of immunity against disease and negativity. Smile and look more attractive. Be happy and build your confidence. When it all depends on you and you make it look good, then you have no reason to worry.

Speak yourself up

Tell yourself how authentic you are like and your brilliance is unparalleled because you exist in your own right. You owe nothing to anyone. Speak to yourself in the mirror and urge yourself to go out for what you must get, everything and everybody notwithstanding. Speak strength, speak speed, speak accuracy and precision, and speak outcomes because you deserve no less than you want in values, actions, and returns.

Dress intently

When you think you look good for the event, you are more confident about it and yourself. Take the shower, wear clean and on purpose, do the deodorant and just feel collected and put together. Modesty is good but the intent is great and powerful. It is a language encoded and decoded with a pleasure and measure of precision.

Mind your posture

Keep your chin up, your shoulders back, and walk like you own the place. Occupy enough space for you. Look unapologetic. Be flexible, relaxed but stable and fearless. Look confident and so be it.

Work out

Work out to look better. Looking better makes you feel better. What’s more, working will make you feel more productive, energized, as well as add vigor and dimension in your moves and activity. Working out makes you feel like you contain yourself and are better able to handle what comes your way.

Wear color

In humans, color has something to do with mood. When you look just bright, it is likely that is how you expect things to go. If you wear a dull color, well that’s the kind of reception you anticipate too. The little spike in pizzazz could be all your confidence needs. You may be advised by your friend or stylist early about what colors and garment details to go for during specific events.

Speak with everyone and compliment where due

Contrarian, you may think. When you understand people, you will know how to carry yourself assuredly around them. Simply, do talk to everyone even for a few seconds. People are friendly and will not try to catch or judge you by your statements. Rather the benefits are mutual. People like being approached for conversation and appreciate it when you break the ice for them. And that is a plus for you.

How to Stop Procrastinating

Procrastinating simply is leaving things unattended until the last minute. You have trouble getting started at a task. And doing a task at the last minute means you do it in an inattentive manner, giving a poor outcome. Let us some strategies on how you can overcome this.

Do not be hard on yourself

Thinking and treating yourself in a harder way will not make you get things done. Stay focused on what you have to do. Avoid feelings of guilt and regret. Be easy and start working at the task.

Start in small chunks or time durations

If you fear that the work could last you a whole lot of time, start by giving small amounts of time and regular breaks. With time, learn to allocate more and more time until you can do more in one go.

Start strong on the hardest

Whether it is morning or just when you are energized to start on the task, start with the toughest items and progress to the easier bits with time.

Practice makes perfect

Begin by focusing on getting the job done. While it may not be perfect in the initial stages, you will learn how to do things better with time. Encourage yourself to improve on every next round, and reward yourself when you do.

Setup a convenient workplace

Find the most convenient place where you can work with the least disturbance. You need silence, just enough light and fast access to accessory tools. Avoid phone distractions. Instead, use them to set alarms for getting to work. Stay off the internet. If you must listen to music, then let it be without lyrics. But generally, put gadgets away till you are done with a session.

Schedule your tasks and goals way in advance

Prepare a schedule for a week or even two in advance listing what goals you need to work at and how important they are. Then allocate them their respective tasks time. By regularly seeing your schedule before you, you are motivated to start at them. You can practice using planners and analyze which tasks need to be attended to immediately, later, are important or can be eliminated.

Do one thing at a time

Try to focus on getting one thing completed before the next. If you follow your earlier plan well you will work efficiently. Avoid multi-tasking as it keeps your attention divided, slowing you down and compromising the quality of your work.

Have someone to keep you in check

An honest willing friend can help you to stay accountable for your goals and time. They can help check how you get to work and how you set your station up, how you work and the coverage rate. They can then advise on how to improve over time.

How to Start over

Every day is a new opportunity for you to start over new things and make changes in your life regardless of how the past may have been. Here is how you can get started again.

Leave the past alone

Stop holding onto the past relationships, jobs or other situations. What happened and need not and cannot be changed. You do not have to forgive or understand first, just focus on what matters this moment going forward and forget what the past had.

Do not lose the lesson

If you must remember anything about your past, then choose to remember what you have learned that will help you to become better or do things in a better way.

Being beaten isn’t being defeated

That you did not make previously does not mean the future is bleak. There’s a difference between being beaten and being defeated. Take stock of your actions and how they have previously led to your small successes and failures in the past.

Then re-strategize on what works and how it can be improved on to realize better results. As long as you are not quitting at life, there is hope for a win someday to come.

Just start over

Just get doing things as long as you have performed your due diligence how better you are going to do it this time round. You do not need to announce to anyone or seek their permission or justification. Start over and let the others catch up with you when the results begin to show.

Connect with your purpose

Things make more sense when they are aligned with your life purpose. Get to know what you exist for and see how your goals are aligned in that way. Purpose ignites passion and excellence, bringing you fulfillment in every small accomplishment you make. What’s more is that, ultimately, you have the vision of empowering people at your skills and investing more in growing their numbers, and you will draw gratification from your everyday progress.

Make decisions alongside your goals

Identifying your purpose, decide your missions and goals and what vision you want to achieve. Goals enable you to break down your dreams into tangible bits. Mission is a roadmap that shows what influence you are making along the way. While the vision keeps you reminded of what the dream means when actualized. So set your goals and objectives in the long-term and short-term and commit to accomplishing them within specific timeframes.

Be mindful of your motto

Live in the present and connect with what goes on around you. Begin by influencing your immediate environment forward. Maximize every moment where you are to impact your future to come.

Get out of your own way and over yourself

You need to be clear what your purpose in life is and have a roadmap of how you will work there. Then get started. You do not need to know every tiny detail of the way in advance. You will make way treading there. Stop waiting for information to get started. You will get it along the way. Get going and the things will get responding.

Be authentic

Know your values and stand and work by them. Acknowledge some vulnerability when it comes. You will overcome. Seek the help of others where needed. Just plan to take necessary action and be open to learn as you go along. Be sensitive and sensible – referring your vision and amid the currents and torrents.

Keep celebrating your progress

Focus on your goals, acknowledge your progress and work at it more creatively.

How to Stop Complaining

Many people choose to complain rather than working at things they must. As a result, their lives remain miserable if not get even worse. This is how you can free yourself out of it.

Be assertive

Ask for what you need in a respectful way and you will get it. Give your views and defend your rights while you show consideration for others’ thoughts. You only get your way when you ask, not quit or quiet yourself.

Stay open-minded

Change may be uncomfortable and new ideas strange but that is how life moves from good to better. Be open to new things and quickly flexible so you can flow along with ease.

Accept responsibility

Take full charge of your decisions and actions in order to stay in the course in your wholeness. Correct any mistakes in a good time. Play from the forefront, not at the back .

Criticize constructively instead

Do not just complain about things. Get a little more objective by saying how things can be improved on and go your way to try on the suggestions.

Practice gratitude

Complaining is a lack of acknowledgment of the opportunity you have to make things work. Be grateful for the things you get and you soon find out how many more come your way.

Be passionate, not judgmental

Be willing to roll into action to help out yourself and others out of the situation. Sincere feelings are positive in nature not negative, and they move you to action. Be moved to get things looking and working better for yourself and others.

Never lose the lesson

The world is not perfect, nor every detail of it. But it is a good place to be. Learn while you last and you will never have a thing to lose at the end of everything.

Learn mindfulness

Mindfulness is acceptance of the present with its state of things and careful selection of the advantages in it over the demerits. Be mindful of the positive and live positively. This will go the whole way to boost your attitudes and emotions, setting you for an extraordinary existence.

How to Get Rid of Bad Habits

Everyone has their one or two poor habits. How can you break away from them?

Study yourself

Know your triggers and avoid them in all instances. Also, whenever you succumb, make it a little painful by associating it with a form of self-punishment. Think about your habits and see how you can improve on them. Take a while and keep monitoring how you are changing in that regard.  Then enforce corrective measures more and more as you progress.

Build your will power

Find ways to remind yourself to act soundly in all circumstances. Make notes, reminders on your mobile gadgets and your calendar, etc. Do this for a while and you will soon be free from your ill mannerisms.

Switch Your Environment

Watch where you spend your time, what you spend on, what you keep, the routes, etc. Drop some things and friends and find better substitutes. Then set yourself up a corrective station where you can be training yourself on stopping some mannerisms and acquiring others. Try it.

Keep a review program

Create a plan that will guide you on what to do in case you experience a relapse in your behaviors. Lay down a system that will enable you to be sensitive to your relapse tendencies and what to do when they manifest. Commit yourself with discipline to follow through in this.

Think of yourself and about your habits differently

Regard yourself in a responsible and respectful manner and train to handle yourself with honor and decorum. Know your true value and live by them.

Overcoming the Limitation of Hesitation

Start small

A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Not even one mile; just one step.

Set goals and act on them

Set realistic goals and break them down into smaller tasks that you can daily attend to with the least effort. Then take the daily small actions for the start.

Beat your inaction

Things will not get done unless you stand up and get at them. Choose to leave your comfort zone and throw yourself into action.

Focus on the long-term

What you do today, you won’t have everything right away. Also, overcome your moment to moment attitudes by compensating with the future outcomes you anticipate. That is what matters in the course.

Learn to tolerate uncertainty

Uncertainties are natural in life. Life itself is a risk. No one is ever sure what the nest moment will be like. Develop resilience and perseverance through difficulties and you will be good in days to come. This also calls for you to avoid procrastination at all costs.

Stop perfectionism thoughts

You will not have the perfect time to start. You will not have every tool to get started. Start with what you have, where you are and right now. Also, you will not get everything you purpose on the first outcome. You grow through it. Finally, do not attach your worth to the accomplishments. Your values, discipline, and skills are what make you.

Chapter 10    Why Panic Attacks Are Triggered Elements

A panic assault happens on account of elevated anxiety. Anybody can have a panic assault, however it is additionally a trademark side effect of panic disorder. It can prompt a quick heartbeat, fast breathing, perspiring, shaking, and different side effects. In individuals who don't have an anxiety disorder, a panic assault can occur if an occasion triggers anxiety. A panic assault and panic disorder can influence anybody of any ethnic foundation, yet it is more typical among ladies than men.

Manifestations

A panic assault regularly comes from an immediate trigger or episode; however they can likewise start all of a sudden and haphazardly with no conspicuous reason. They are accepted to originate from a developmental reaction to risk.

Having a panic assault is said to be one of the most seriously terrifying, disquieting and awkward encounters in an individual's life. The American Psychological Association (APA), takes note of that an assault may keep going for 15 seconds, yet manifestations can to proceed for around 30 minutes or more, and now and again for a considerable length of time. As indicated by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, a panic assault includes in any event four of the accompanying side effects:

•Chest agony and inconvenience

•Chills or feeling strangely hot

•Feeling confined

•Dizziness and feeling dizzy

•Experiencing a solid, unexpected dread of passing on

•Fear of losing control or feeling as though an individual is "going insane"

•Feelings of gagging

•Heart palpitations, sporadic heartbeat, or quick pulse

•Nausea and stomach upset

•Numbness or shivering

•Shaking or trembling

•Sweating

•Trouble breathing, feeling as though an individual is covering

Panic attacks can likewise be related with agoraphobia, a dread of spots from which the individual considers to be hazardous, or hard to escape from. Individuals who have encountered a panic assault regularly state after that they felt caught. At times the manifestations related with a panic assault can reflect other ailments. Instances of these incorporate lung disorders, heart conditions, or thyroid issues.

Some of the time an individual may look for crisis restorative consideration for a coronary episode, yet anxiety is the genuine reason. Panic attacks are exceptionally treatable and don't imply that an individual is a depressed person or rationally sick.

Panic disorder is a hidden ailment, and panic attacks are a side effects. As indicated by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, an expected 6 million Americans have a panic disorder. Ladies are destined to encounter the condition and it most ordinarily happens when an individual in early adulthood, from ages 18 to 25 years. The condition happens when an individual has encountered various panic attacks and furthermore lives in dread of having another panic assault. While everybody can encounter a panic assault in their lifetime, those with a panic disorder experience repetitive attacks.

The dread they may encounter another assault can make them pull back from loved ones. They may dread heading outside or in open spots. A panic disorder can seriously influence an individual's personal satisfaction and ought to be dealt with.

Causes

Specialists state that anxiety and panic, partially, are an essential piece of our endurance. Be that as it may, when levels become so high that they undermine customary manners of thinking, an individual normally winds up apprehensive. At the point when the cerebrum gets a flood of anxious sign intended to caution of inevitable peril, the amygdala, a piece of the mind, is actuated. The amygdala controls an individual's on edge reaction. A few people's amygdala responds with anxiety when there is no fast approaching peril, making it substantially more likely that they will encounter high anxiety and panic attacks.

At the point when an individual is given the sign to respond with anxiety, they produce adrenaline, otherwise called epinephrine.

Adrenaline is discharged by the adrenal organs. A few people consider adrenaline the "fear or flight" hormone. An arrival of adrenaline into the framework can raise the heartbeat, cause perspiring, agitate the stomach, and incite sporadic relaxing. These are on the whole attributes of a panic assault. On the off chance that there is no impending risk and the framework is stacked with adrenaline, that hormone won't be spent for fleeing. The development can cause a panic assault. Various hazard elements can improve the probability an individual will have panic attacks and panic disorder.

Hereditary qualities may assume a job. In the event that an individual has a nearby relative, for example, a parent or kin, with panic disorder, they might be bound to have a panic assault. Notwithstanding family ancestry, encountering real pressure or life change can trigger expanded anxiety and panic attacks. Models incorporate an ongoing loss of a friend or family member or detachment of marriage. Having a past filled with physical or sexual maltreatment may likewise improve an individual's probability of having a panic disorder.

Propensities, for example, smoking or drinking over the top measures of caffeine are additionally hazard elements related with panic disorder. Utilization of medications? Panic attacks can likewise happen close by conditions, for example, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), fanatical impulsive disorder (OCD), and post-awful pressure disorder (PTSD). Some of the time, be that as it may, there gives off an impression of being no specific occurrence or family ancestry to trigger an assault. They can happen all of a sudden.

The APA distributes the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). The manual records criteria to enable a specialist to analyze psychological well-being disorders, for example, sorrow or panic disorder, and it intends to give a standard to finding the nation over.

The criteria for diagnosing a panic disorder include:

•Experiencing continuous and surprising panic attacks

•Having at any rate one month of continuous dread of having a panic assault and its going with indications, for example, losing control. An individual may essentially change their conduct inspired by a paranoid fear of having a panic assault openly

•Having panic attacks that are not owing to taking certain meds or having another emotional well-being disorder, for example, social fear

An individual who has these indications is probably going to have a panic disorder.

Reasons for Anxiety Disorder that may astonish you

What causes anxiety and anxiety disorders can be muddled. All things considered, a mix of elements, including hereditary qualities and ecological reasons, assume a job. In any case, plainly a few occasions, feelings, or encounters may make manifestations of anxiety start or may aggravate them. These components are called triggers.

Anxiety triggers can be distinctive for every individual, except numerous triggers are normal among individuals with these conditions. A great many people discover they have different triggers. Be that as it may, for certain individuals, anxiety attacks can be triggered for reasons unknown by any stretch of the imagination. Consequently, it's essential to find any anxiety triggers that you may have. Distinguishing your triggers is a significant advance in overseeing them. Continue perusing to find out about these anxiety triggers and what you can do to deal with your anxiety.

Anxiety triggers: A Closer Look

1. Medical problems

A wellbeing conclusion that is irritating or troublesome, for example, malignant growth or a chronic sickness, may trigger anxiety or exacerbate it. This kind of trigger is incredible on account of the quick and individual emotions it produces.

You can help lessen anxiety brought about by medical problems by being proactive and drawn in with your PCP. Conversing with a specialist may likewise be valuable, as they can enable you to figure out how to deal with your feelings around your conclusion.

2. Meds

Certain medicine and over-the-counter (OTC) drugs may trigger manifestations of anxiety. That is on the grounds that dynamic fixings in these prescriptions may make you feel uneasy or unwell. Those sentiments can set off a progression of occasions in your brain and body that may prompt extra indications of anxiety. Meds that may trigger anxiety include:

•Birth control pills

•Cough and blockage meds

•Weight misfortune meds

Converse with your primary care physician about how these medications make you feel and search for an elective that doesn't trigger your anxiety or exacerbate your indications.

3. Caffeine

Numerous individuals depend on their morning cup of joe to wake up, yet it may really trigger or intensify anxiety. As per one investigation in 2010 Trusted Source, individuals with panic disorder and social anxiety disorder are particularly touchy to the anxiety-instigating impacts of caffeine. Work to reduce your caffeine admission by substituting non caffeinated alternatives at whatever point conceivable.

Here's a determination of decaffeinated espresso and tea to attempt.

4. Skipping suppers

When you don't eat, your glucose may drop. That can prompt jumpy hands and a thundering stomach. It can likewise trigger anxiety. Eating adjusted dinners is significant for some reasons. It gives you vitality and significant supplements. In the event that you can't set aside a few minutes for three dinners per day, solid tidbits are an extraordinary method to avert low glucose, sentiments of apprehension or disturbance, and anxiety. Keep in mind, sustenance can influence your state of mind.

5. Negative reasoning

Your mind controls quite a bit of your body, and that is unquestionably valid with anxiety. When you're vexed or disappointed, the words you state to yourself can trigger more noteworthy sentiments of anxiety. In the event that you will in general utilize a great deal of negative words when contemplating yourself, figuring out how to refocus your language and emotions when you start down this way is useful. Working with an advisor can be unfathomably useful with this procedure.

6. Money related concerns

Stresses over setting aside cash or having obligation can trigger anxiety. Startling bills or cash fears are triggers, as well. Figuring out how to deal with these types of triggers may need looking for expert support, for example, from a money related counsel. Feeling you have a partner and a guide in the process may facilitate your worry.

7. Gatherings or get-togethers

In the event that a room brimming with outsiders doesn't seem like fun, you're not the only one. Occasions that expect you to make casual banter or cooperate with individuals you don't know can trigger sentiments of anxiety, which might be analyzed as social anxiety disorder. To help facilitate your stresses or unease, you can continually bring along a buddy when conceivable. But at the same time it's essential to work with an expert to discover methods for dealing with stress that make these occasions increasingly reasonable in the long haul.

8. Strife

Relationship issues, contentions, contradictions — these contentions would all be able to trigger or exacerbate anxiety. In the event that contention especially triggers you, you may need to learn compromise systems. Likewise, chat with an advisor or other psychological wellness master to figure out how to deal with the sentiments these contentions cause.

9. Stress

Everyday stressors like congested driving conditions or missing your train can cause anybody anxiety. Be that as it may, long haul or chronic pressure can prompt long haul anxiety and compounding side effects, just as other medical issues. Stress can likewise prompt practices like skipping dinners, drinking liquor, or not getting enough rest. These variables can trigger or intensify anxiety, as well.

Treating and counteracting pressure regularly requires picking up ways of dealing with stress. A specialist or advisor can enable you to figure out how to perceive your wellsprings of stress and handle them when they become overpowering or hazardous.

10. Open occasions or exhibitions

Open talking, talking before your chief, performing in a challenge, or even simply perusing out loud is a typical trigger of anxiety. On the off chance that your activity or side interests require this, your primary care physician or advisor can work with you to learn approaches to be increasingly agreeable in these settings. Likewise, encouraging comments from companions and partners can enable you to feel increasingly great and sure.

11. Individual triggers

These triggers might be hard to recognize, yet a psychological wellness master is prepared to enable you to distinguish them. These may start with a smell, a spot, or even a tune. Individual triggers remind you, either intentionally or unwittingly, of a terrible memory or horrible mishap in your life. People with post-horrendous pressure disorder (PTSD) as often as possible experience anxiety triggers from ecological triggers.

Distinguishing individual triggers may require some investment, however it's significant so you can figure out how to conquer them.

Tips for distinguishing triggers

On the off chance that you can distinguish and comprehend your triggers, you can work to maintain a strategic distance from them and to adapt. You can learn explicit adapting methodologies to deal with the triggers when they occur.

Here are three hints for recognizing triggers:

•Start a diary. Record when your anxiety is perceptible and record what you think may have prompted the trigger. Some applications can enable you to follow your anxiety, as well.

•Work with an advisor. Some anxiety triggers can be hard to distinguish, however a psychological well-being master has preparing that can support you. They may utilize talk treatment, journaling, or different techniques to discover triggers.

•Be legitimate with yourself. Anxiety can cause negative contemplations and poor self-appraisals. This can make recognizing triggers troublesome in view of the restless responses. Be tolerant with yourself and be eager to investigate things in your past to recognize how they may influence you today.

Chapter 11     Environmental Decluttering

Human beings are hardwired for personal connections because our relationships complete us and fill the void. This is one reason we are always looking to form fruitful relationships. However, most of the time, the relationships we form becomes a burden. We are not able to sustain them or feel constrained by them. We start feeling the relationships to be a burden.

This inability to sustain relationships has become a widespread phenomenon for some time. It can lead to unhappiness, discontent, and mental fatigue.

It is important to understand that relationships are two-way connections. Unrealistic expectations in relationships contribute to the problems. It isn't the other partner in the relationship that causes the friction, but your expectation from the partner. If you are expecting something from your partner, you may become disappointed. Even setting rules doesn't help in this case as it is not a matter of receiving but perception.

Expectations from any relationship can cloud your thinking process. You come in the receiving mode and you start quantifying the unquantifiable. As a result, mutual trust and respect start fading. You become more and more demanding and less forgiving and accepting. Each and everything keeps getting registered in your mind and clutters it; the reactions arising in such cases are instinctive.

If you want to have healthy relationships, then being instinctive should be shunned. Mindfulness is the only way to cultivate nourishing relationships. You cannot let your mind clutter and prejudices rule your relationship. The clutter in your mind would make you unreceptive and unjustified. It will inflate your ego and make you unkind and uncompassionate.

Maintaining a relationship with another human being is a tightrope-walk. You are dealing with a being with the same level of intellect and completely different set of problems. You may be living in the same home, working the same type of jobs, and having the same circle of friends yet your worlds can be completely different. Every person has a unique perception of things. Individuals have their own way of quantifying problems. Every person has unique triggers of stress and joy. Measuring the other person with the same yardstick will create problems. The bigger problem is that if you have a cluttered mind, you will never be able to understand these things and cause friction.

The best way to cultivate nourishing relationships is to declutter your mind, become more mindful and do not have prejudices.

Be More Inclusive

Mankind considers itself to be the most intelligent race on this earth. It has the power to understand and rationalize. It may be accurate to a great extent when it comes to understanding other organisms and systems, but it may also work in understanding your partner.

Another human being is also as complex as you. Trying to understand the other person all the time is a strategy that will fail. You can never accurately predict the circumstances, outlook, and the reaction of the other person in a situation. The more you try to understand the person, the more alarm and defensiveness you'll cause. Relationships are not about accurately understanding but about being inclusive. You need to accept your partners with all the merits and demerits. It is the only way to disarm and let the guard go down. The harder you try to understand, the tougher the situation will get.

Listen

Most of the problems in a relationship simply need listening. When you are listening without judging, you are giving a vent to the problems of your partner. This helps you in accepting their problems and them a chance to open up. It increases the bond and releases stress. Your attentiveness is all that your partner seeks most of the time. Most people are capable of solving their problems and if they need you, they'll ask for your help. You only need to pay attention to the things they need to get off their chest.

Mind Your Words

Opinions are double-edged swords in a relationship. If you are not mindful of the things you say, your relationship can go south. One of the biggest problems in sour relationships is speaking unmindfully. People do not pay attention to the things they say and do not foresee the extent of damage they can cause. Your opinions are only good for yourself. Do not push them on your partner or it can easily turn out to be worse than the prime-time TV debates. Mindful speaking is the only way to keep the guard of your partner down.

Don't Pick and Choose the Qualities

The main difference between human beings and robots is that every individual comes with a unique set of qualities. You can make any number of robots with identical qualities and features. We may like it or not, but this is the truth we need to accept. Nothing harms a relationship more than selective picking of qualities in a person. It raises their guard and makes them defensive and skeptical. The comparing of two individuals is inhuman. A person with a set of qualities also comes with a separate set of vices. If your mind is cluttered, you will not be able to see this. This selective viewing can endanger any relationship.

You must understand that relationships are not absolute. They can never be absolute. They will always be variables. It means that they will need mindful adjustments. They will need your careful attention. They will need your acceptance.

Decluttering your mind is very important for making yourself more receptive. It enables you to pay attention to things that are important.

Getting into relationships is fairly easy as attraction is the key here. Two individuals can become close due to the attraction. It is the point where only your strong points matter. You are displaying your strengths and pass on merit. However, maintaining a relationship is a completely different ball game altogether. You cannot pretend to be your best all the time. In fact, you cannot pretend anything at all. All your flaws will become apparent and the same goes for your partner. If you are not inclusive in your approach, then the relationship is bound to fall apart sooner than later.

To accept so many things in your partner and still be reasonably satisfied, your mind must be receptive. A cluttered mind would fail you here. You will either end up pretending to accept or falter anyway. In both instances things wouldn't end pleasantly for you.

Mindfulness, on the other hand, will ensure that you are in a ready state to accept the facts. You can take the facts as they are and live with them. This will ensure that your partner feels more welcomed and comfortable.

Therefore, decluttering your mind is an essential step towards building lasting relationships that can work for you. These relationships will bring joy and happiness in your life. You wouldn't feel suffocated in these relationships and there will be no danger of them turning toxic.

How do You Use Affirmations to Declutter Your Mind?

Affirmations are consciously formatted positive statements that are frequently said (either aloud or in the written form) or written with the intent of positively influencing a person’s thoughts and actions. The statements are aimed at impacting an individual’s conscious as well as the subconscious mind.

Affirmations are highly potent tools when it comes to changing a person’s mood, altering the state of his mind, manifesting change and getting what you yearn for in life. However, affirmations work more effectively when a person can identify that there is a belief that is holding them back or cluttering their mind.

Affirmations are designed to activate the power of your subconscious mind. They motivate you and keep your mind focused on the bigger picture or goals. Affirmations can alter the way you think, feel and behave. Positive statements help you stay more mentally active, enthusiastic and positive. They inspire and energize you to make better decisions and be the best version of yourself.

Affirmations help in eliminating negative mental clutter and chaos by focusing on the positives and thus being led into doing more thinking of more positive, focused and clear thoughts on a daily basis.

Affirmations should be simple, short and easy to remember. Think about this. You are on your way back home from the office and stuck in a lot of traffic. You have some time to go through your affirmations while you are still there doing nothing. Hey, the only jinx is that you can’t remember or recall it since it was so elaborate and long. There, you now have a valid excuse for not using affirmations.

Short and simple affirmations work best because you can easily keep saying them without forgetting the words or having to refer to your book/notes to gather the exact words.

Start by creating a list of affirmations that resonate with you, and represent what you want in life in the best possible manner. It doesn’t have to be something grand or ambitious. Your affirmation can be something as basic as “peace of mind and happiness.” Keep it so that it instantly rings a bell with you. Use statements that you connect with on a deeper level.

While there’s no hard and fast rule about when or how to say these positive statements, I’d highly recommend setting aside a special time or ritual for them.

When we are asleep, we are essentially resting our conscious mind and putting our subconscious mind to work. This means anything that we feed into our subconscious mind just before its activity peaks has a greater chance of being absorbed and retained. Similarly, when the subconscious mind is in a more receptive stage during meditation or mindfulness, affirmations can prove to be more effective.

Create affirmations you can absolutely identify with. Your affirmations should be in complete alignment with individual goals, dreams, objectives, and visions. What is it that truly matters to you? Whom do you want to become? What is your ultimate goal in life? How do you want to live your life?

Your affirmations should reflect the ideal that you want to accomplish in life. For instance, a more successful and rewarding career, a happy home, an understanding partner, and healthy, happy children who listen to you. Don’t copy and paste someone else’s affirmations and apply them to your life. Your affirmations should scream you all the way. Keep it something you instantly identify with.

Affirmations should always use positive words and phrases. Sometimes, I’ve had people coming up to me and telling me they keep saying their affirmations a number of times throughout the day and yet seen no visible results.

Don’t focus on what you don’t want. Instead, talk only about what you want.

Talk about it as if it is happening in the present. Your subconscious, as well as the universe, should be led to believe that it is your reality and not something you aspire to. If you aspire to having more mental clarity and peace, don’t say, “I am going to accomplish more mental peace and clarity.” Rather say, “I am mentally at peace and have complete clarity about my life.”

Talking about something as if you want it in the future ends up reinforcing the lack of it in your present. If you say you are going to be mentally at peace in the future, it simply means you are not at peace currently. And reinforcing a lack of something attracts more of the lack of it. So, saying something that denotes a lack of mental peace will only end up attracting more of this lack of mental peace. Talk about the positives or goals as if you already have them or have accomplished them.

Repetition is the key to allowing your subconscious to take aboard what you want to accomplish.

Fill them with compelling emotions. The more emotions you infuse into your positive statements or affirmations, the most effective results you are likely to accomplish. Don’t simply say your affirmations in a clinical manner because some self-help coach or book goaded you into it. It is an utterly pointless practice.

Feel them as you say them. Feel excited and energized by the affirmations. Live your affirmations. Allow yourself to be completely taken over by them. Get into the habit of measuring/tracking results. Make note of things that have changed for the better in your life after you started saying these affirmations. This will prevent you from saying them in a more mechanical way, and make you even more excited about using it.

Affirmations can also be what you have or are rather than what you want to be. While we are always focusing on things we want to achieve, we seldom pay attention to the positives we already possess. Human beings are constantly dwelling on elements they’d rather change about themselves or their lives.

However, breaking this pattern and affirming what you truly appreciate about yourself awards you with the required confidence to change the not so amazing things about yourself. This way you learn to accept great things about yourself and gain the confidence to be what you want to be in the future.

Make a list of all your positive attributes. Write them down in a manner where you can spot them every day.

Visualize your future or affirmations (as you’d like them to be). While visualizing, keep repeating your affirmations. Think carefully about what every word you are uttering means. Think about its impact on your present and future. Feel every word entering the realm of your subconscious mind, and influencing your behavior, and ultimately your life. Feel your mind clearing up to occupy thoughts related to these affirmations. Pay careful attention to what every word means and implies in your life.

Conclusion To Overthinking..

You need to train yourself to stop overthinking and make a conscious effort to practice this daily for it to become a habit. Controlling your feelings and thoughts requires serious practice and commitment.  If you “Think” about it, this is the only thing we really control 100%, our thoughts and actions. Everything in life comes down to your habits, and every habit started with a thought and then action. SO simply do the same thing to change your habits now.

On its own, your thoughts can drift randomly from one idea to another, it can go down memory lane, chase wild thoughts, or stir up bitter ideas or resentment and anger. Alternatively, your mind can dive into a sea of daydreaming and a world of fantasy, if care is not taken, your life can be controlled by such random thoughts such that every decision or action you take becomes unpredictable. Such intrusive thoughts you might experience during the day is evidence that most of the functions of the mind are likely beyond conscious control. In addition, our thoughts can feel so powerful and real and it can affect the way we perceive the outside world.

Take a moment to discard the assumption that your spontaneous thoughts are meaningless and totally harmless. In truth, such thoughts may be meaningless at that moment, they can be the product of past memory or emotion but in the present moment, they might not reflect reality.

Most of our thoughts are under the control of our subconscious mind and our subconscious mind will never grant us total control over our thoughts. However, you still have the capacity to control some of your thoughts. Also, you can change some of your habits and how you react to them to gain more control over your emotions.

As you went through this book, you have found a various selection of ideas and tools that can help you to declutter your mind so that you can mute all the negative voices in your head, reduce stress, and have more peace of mind.

Making conscious efforts to avoid overthinking is a rewarding course of action which will impact the quality of your life significantly. By spending less time going through intrusive, negative thoughts “in your mind” you will have more time to enjoy the present moment and every other moment.

REWIRE YOUR BRAIN

DEVELOPING SELF-CONTROL AND OVERCOMING FEAR TO LEARN SETTING YOUR MOST IMPORTANT GOALS, INCLUDED 500 AFFIRMATIONS FOR POSITIVE THINKING AND BUILD HABITS FOR SUCCESS

EVA BERRY

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1. Introduction

Old Brains For New Worlds

Chapter 1 Overcoming Fear

Chapter 2 Meditation And Overthinking

Chapter 3 Focus And Concentration

Why Focusing Can Be Difficult

Multitasking

Accelerated Learning

Focus Exercises

Fighting Boredom

Chapter 4 Eliminate Clutter And Create An Inspiring Space

Tasks for This Week:

Chapter 5 Evaluate The Company You Keep

Chapter 6 Natural Medicines: Rewiring Negativity Into Positivity

Chapter 7 The Change That Comes From Within

How to Change Your Emotions

Using Your Emotions to Grow

Chapter 8 Are Women More Emotionally Intelligent Than Men?

Women and Emotional Intelligence

Men and Emotional Intelligence

The Bottom Line

Chapter 9 Neuroplasticity

What is Neuroplasticity?

Importance of Neuroplasticity

Chapter 10 Creating Boundaries

Chapter 11 The Psychology Behind Changing Your Life

Visualizing Your Thoughts

Stop Focusing on the Negative

Chapter 12 Emotion And Brain

Learn Something New

Chapter 13 Automatic And Intrusive Thoughts

The ABC Model of Emotions

Characteristic of Negative Automatic Thoughts

What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive Thoughts and Anxiety

Intrusive Thoughts and OCD

Intrusive Thoughts and Depression

Chapter 14 Positive Affirmation

Affirmations For Wellbeing

Affirmations for Healthy Eating

Affirmations For Health

Affirmations For Healing

Affirmations For Success

Affirmations For Letting Go

Affirmations For Self-Worth

Conclusion

1. Introduction

During the day, the most select members of the tribe gave themselves up to rituals of linguistic ability in search of a higher status and - at least in the case of men - of greater sexual opportunities. At night, they gathered on the beach around bonfires and drank fermented juices while talking and practicing tribal ceremonies. An assembly of Australian aborigines? No, it is the annual meeting of the Society for Human Behavior and Evolution.

Although much of what is said could be extended to many congresses of Psychiatry or Psychology, it is true that evolutionists have a reputation for modern, somewhat hippie behavior and it seems that the study of sexual behavior is their favorite subject, but it is not less certain that the evolutionary perspective can shed a lot of light on our maladaptive behaviors and on mental disorders.

We already know that our brain formed thousands of years ago. From this point of view, we must ask ourselves why a machine , as wonderful as the one we carry inside our heads, how useful each of its functions was and if that machine that was useful so many years ago has adapted to a world in continuous and rapid change as is the current one. The brain mechanisms that regulate emotions and behavior have been shaped by natural selection with the purpose of optimizing adaptation, and we will agree that mental disorders suppose a break that affects this adaptation. This perspective, called evolutionist, tries to explain human vulnerability to mental and behavioral disorders.

Towards the end of the 80s, a series of authors such as Leda Cosmides, Dennis Crawford, John Tooby, or Dennis Krebs, from the University of California, which marks the beginning of what has come to be called evolutionary psychology. For them, evolutionary psychology is the psychology that integrates the knowledge of evolutionary biology assuming that understanding the process that led to the formation of the mind will allow us to understand its mechanisms. The principles of evolutionary Psychology try to establish the threats that existed in prehistoric environments, the mechanisms that were put in place for the management of these threats, and the way in which these mechanisms continue to function today. This approach, therefore, starts from three fundamental premises: a) there is universal human behavior beyond cultural differences, b) the brain functioning that defines our nature developed, as in other species, by natural selection and c ) the environmental factors that designed our brain occurred in the Pleistocene and not in the current circumstances.

As I mentioned earlier, it seems that our brain has not changed in the last 50,000 years, so it remains the same as that of our ancestors. Therefore, what has been called genome lag or genome delay occurs. The genetic load that conditions our instincts and our behaviors, which gives us an emotional design to survive, appeared adapted to ancestral environments and not to our current situation. Old brains for new worlds, our fears were not designed to fear airplanes, elevators or supermarkets, our fear was designed to flee the beasts that endangered our survival.  Here, we must consider that the increase in mental disorders may be the consequence of the poor adaptation of mechanisms designed to survive. In fact, we currently live in very protected environments, although we care so much about citizen security, and it is possible that mechanisms that were designed by natural selection to guarantee our survival, are maladaptive producing mental disorders.

Old Brains For New Worlds

For twenty years, when I finished my studies of psychology, I have been attracted to the study of addictive behaviors. I really know you few patients who are as rejected by health professionals as addicts. I will not be denied that we have serious difficulties in understanding how there can be subjects “with such a lack of will” that make the self-administration of a substance their greatest motivation to live. I have always found the paradigm of anti-intuitive behavior, people are destroyed and their motivation to stay alive is to have a few more days to self-destruct with the substance to which they are addicted. Few pathologies attempt as directly against Darwinist principles as addictions. We will try to explain this behavior from the perspective of evolutionary psychology.

Emotions must be understood as internal signals that direct our survival, of fast and adaptive action, that seek to connect our biological nature with the external world in which it is immersed. Emotions respond quickly to situations that threaten our integrity: fear warns us of danger, disgust moves us away from the rotten and sadness tells us that we have lost a determined social status. Emotions influence motivation, learning, decision making, thoughts, behavior and adaptation. On the other hand, the adaptive function of emotions is better understood when we observe the differences between positive and negative emotions, taking into account that positive and negative acquires a phenomenological sense here (experience of emotion as pleasant or not pleasant) and not both adaptive (by definition all emotion is adaptive). This distinction is consistent with the origin of emotions understood as physiological states that were molded to teach us which situations are advantageous and which situations involve loss and can offer an explanation from the evolutionary perspective of the effects of drug use on positive and negative emotions.

From the perspective of classical psychology, substance abuse is explained as an aspect of the tendency of human beings to repeat behaviors that produce pleasure and avoid those that make us feel unwell. For Randolph Nesse, a psychiatrist at the University of Michigan; This explanation is valid but incomplete. Drugs of abuse act on very old areas of the brain associated with positive emotions. Thus, the different drugs activate a brain system called the mesolimbic dopaminergic system and the associated opioid receptors in mammalian brains, a neural reward system and a substrate that regulates motivation.

For this author, drugs of abuse create a signal in the brain that falsely indicates the arrival of an adaptive benefit. This brain signal causes, in turn, an increase in the frequency of consumption displacing adaptive behaviors. In fact, other behaviors of the "modern man" have similar effects on the brain, for example, video games or the internet. The human brain continually demonstrates its vulnerability to rewards that affect adaptation because our brains are not designed to effectively address access to drugs, video games, or the internet. The disagreement between our old brains and our modern environments may be the biggest cause of the mental health problems we see today.

For Nesse himself, this perspective raises many areas of gloom as regards the explanation of addictive behaviors. For example, how addiction develops, how pleasure induced by the substance declines, or even how desire increases despite the accumulation of maladaptive consequences. A plausible explanation of these effects would be found in the separation in the brains of mammals from two differentiated systems: a pleasure system (hedonic pleasure upon receiving a reward) and another one of desire (motivation and implementation of behavior to achieve that reward). The pleasure system would be activated upon receiving a reward while the desire system anticipates the reward and starts behaviors in order to achieve it. When both systems are exposed to drug use, the desire system motivates a persistent search for a substance that does not produce pleasure in the long term. This is the great paradox of addiction. As Robinson and Berridge point out, organisms can tend to look for addictive drugs even if they do not provide pleasure and defend the existence of a separate neuronal system that intervenes in the desire for drugs. For these authors, although this neuronal system normally functions in connection with the neuronal systems that intervene in pleasure, in the addict this normal link would be broken between these systems, showing pathological levels of desire dissociated from pleasure. Somehow all of us can prove this dissociation when we are hungry and observe a cake after a shop window, seeing it, if we do not have money to buy it, produces a persistent desire although we cannot feel pleasure when we cannot acquire it.

An organism such as ours, with an outdated and chemically mediated reward system, in a society like ours, is especially susceptible to addiction. This special mammalian reward design magnifies the risks of non-self-administration of the substance, which would explain the behaviors that an addict arrives to achieve the substance. In this sense, perhaps, we could affirm that addiction is one of the prices paid by the human species for living protected and at the same time, overexposed to elements that provide immediate brain pleasure but are not related to any aspect of better adaptation to our environment.

This evolutionary perspective also has its implications when we refer to drugs whose purpose is to reduce anxiety, improve mood, and block other emotions. Negative Biological psychiatry currently has a large psychopharmacological arsenal whose purpose is to control negative emotions, as well as other disciplines, have drugs to effectively control cough, fever, diarrhea or vomiting. Thus, we find many investigations that try to explain the causes of a mental disorder without first understanding the normal functioning of the brain. Take, for example, anxiety disorders: diagnostic manuals can divide anxiety disorders into up to nine subtypes, and research treats each of these subtypes separately looking for epidemiological, genetic, neurobiological and effective treatment aspects. But the key question is: is anxiety, as such, a disorder or a defense of the organism? To understand this, let's take the cough as an example and follow the method used by biological psychiatry. First a pulmonologist can study cough and create differential diagnostic criteria. Perhaps a criterion could be the frequency, and thus different cough disorders could be obtained based on factorial analytical studies obtaining genetic, epidemiological characteristics and response to the treatment of different cough subtypes (moderate cough associated with mucus and fever, allergic cough, cough associated with smoking, etc.). The next step would be to study the causes of these different subtypes looking for alterations in the neural mechanisms of people who cough, reaching the conclusion that there is an increase in the activity in the nerves that contract the chest muscles. Subsequently, the discovery of a cough control center in the brain established that alterations in this center would be the cause of the cough. Finally, the knowledge that codeine controls cough leads varies to investigate the possibility that the cough is caused by a deficiency in opioid receptors in the brain. This ridiculous approach is continually used in the current study of mental disorders; we have definitely broken the line that separates what a disorder is from what an adaptive manifestation is?

Above issues can be explained by alterations in the functioning of the brain machinery. The utility of anxiety is known but ignored; the adaptive value of depression is no longer considered; grief is a pathological state.

As Nesse points out, these statements do not deny the usefulness of drug use even in some circumstances where negative emotions can be adaptive. Drugs can compensate for and prevent a pathology (as is the case with hallucinations in psychoses). The pain caused by surgery, although adaptive can be palliated with analgesics, a panic attack can cause problems if we are driving a vehicle. Likewise, we should not be catastrophic, since the body has redundant defense systems, so blocking anxiety does not have to lead to harmful consequences. On the other hand, although the brain has endowed with these adaptive alarm systems, we cannot forget that sometimes these neural systems can produce “false alarms.”

All these considerations lead us to think about a future where drugs will be used to eliminate both negative emotions that can be pathological and those that can be considered adaptive. A reduced and skewed vision can lead us to think that all negative emotions are the result of a brain imbalance at the neurobiological level. As Nesse points out, some anxiety or affective disorders may have as a primary cause an alteration in neurotransmission, but most of these emotions arise in a normal brain that seeks a beneficial adaptation that will ensure its survival. Therefore, trying to find the cause in an imbalance of brain chemicals is as superficial as believing that the cause of cough is an alteration in the brain centers that control it. After all, the fact that a drug reverses a negative emotion does not mean that the emotion is pathological or that the drugs used have reversed a brain disorder.

In summary, emotions are born to optimize adaptation, to guide us in the search for advantageous options, and to avoid danger. Emotions are not designed to seek pleasure but maximum adaptation, but the neural mechanisms that mediate emotions give us an intrinsic vulnerability to drug abuse in environments where drugs are highly available. The supposed freedom to choose whether or not to be an addict is nothing more than a fantasy of the ideologues who defend the legalization of drugs. The brain knows no concepts like freedom or free choice; the brain knows about desire and pleasure. Talking about the ability to choose whether one wishes to be an alcoholic or cocaine man is aesthetically good, and popularly it is a well-received idea, but this same argument has done a lot of harm to alcoholics and cocaine addicts who go through our consultations.  Since it seems that after weighing all the possibilities, the addicts have decided to destroy his family, not give affection to his children, lose his job and shatter his health. I don't know anyone who can make such a stupid decision freely.

Chapter 1             Overcoming Fear

What scares you the most? Know how to overcome your fears is overwhelming and challenging to most of us.

Luckily, all these fears can be learned. Keep in mind that no human being is born in this world with fears. Therefore, fears can be unlearned through practicing self-control and willpower over and over again until it vanishes.

Fear of poverty, loss of income/money, and loss of failure are just some of the most common fears we experience at this point. These fears often interfere with the hope for our success. These fears can cause us to keep away from the risk of any sort and to decline opportunity once it is presented to us. Also, we are very afraid of a letdown which we are about to paralyze with regards to taking any opportunities at all.

There are also many types of fears which restrict us from being happy. These fears can leads an individual to overthink things. These fears take account of the following:

➢ Fear the loss of our loved ones

➢ Fear the loss of our jobs and our financial security

➢ Fear of ridicule or embarrassment

➢ Fear of criticism of any form

➢ Fear of rejection

➢ Fear the loss of esteem and respect of others

➢ Fear of losing our partner in life

➢ Fear of death

➢ And etc.

These and other kinds of fears restrain us throughout life.

Below are some useful and proven effective techniques to help overcome fears which lead to overthinking everything:

Practice Relaxation Methods

A lot of people who experience cognitive distortions and overthinking find relaxation methods to be useful in stopping the damaging patterns of thinking so much. What is more, relaxation techniques, can also provide lots of physical benefits such as minimizing heart rate, reduce blood pressure, minimize the activity of cortisol in our body, slows down your breathing and many others. There are many kinds of relaxation practices, such as:

Autogenic Relaxation

This technique refers to repeating words to help you relax on the inside. You may think of quiet and peaceful settings and then repeat optimistic affirmations or concentrate on your breathing.

Progressive Muscle Technique

This relaxation technique refers to concentrating on holding, tensing as well as relaxing each group of muscle within our body. You need to begin at your head with muscles in your face and work your way through toe muscle or vice versa, holding and tensing every group of body muscle to 5 to 20 seconds prior to releasing the tension in your muscle to relax.

Visualization

This technique refers to allowing your imagination to create calming and soothing mental pictures, and visualize a peaceful setting or a serene condition.

Mindful Breathing

This technique is also very effective in getting rid of fear and overthinking. This is easy to do, simply put your one hand on your upper body and the other hand on your stomach. While you are lying, standing or sitting ( no matter what you find convenient and comfortable), take a slow and deep breath, forcing the air into your stomach rather than just your chest. You must feel your stomach inflate as you inhale. Then hold your breath for a couple of seconds, and then release the air slowly until the last breath is gone. Do this many times as required until you start to feel peaceful and relax.

Explore your Feelings and Beliefs in Writing

There is no doubt that writing is indeed an extremely reliable and efficient method of processing your thinking and ideas. This is also very reliable in analyzing thinking patterns, as well as looking for avenues to move past those thoughts. There are lots of writing exercises available out there, but the most and helpful one is to take ten minutes to travel around the nature of your pattern of thinking in writings.

Set your timer for ten minutes.

In which time, write all the things inside your mind, most especially those that trouble you a lot. Explore the conditions, situations, people as well as time spans which you link to those thoughts, and if those thoughts have nothing to do with your personality, your current situation and to those surrounds you.

When the time is up, slowly read all the thoughts that you have been jot down, look for thinking patterns. Then ask yourself, "Have those thinking patterns affect how I see my relationship with others, myself, or the world? If so, know if the effect is negative or positive.

Also, you may find it useful to ask yourself, "Have these patterns of thinking helped me? Or have the number of sleepless nights, and missed chances outnumbered the rare instances I was right?

Follow Your Heart and Mind Do Things Which Make You Smile

A lot of people who overthink everything keep away from going outside. They have fear in interacting with someone as they believe that something might take place. Although you are not capable of breaking out of those thinking pattern, you mustn't allow your overthinking to control your decisions.

If you want to go somewhere like for instance attend a birthday party or go to a concert of your favorite artists, then go. Don't stop yourself from enjoying life. Stop looking for a reason not to attend and force yourself to go. Or else, your thinking pattern will stop you from doing the things you love, and you will almost surely feel sorry for it. Keep in mind; you cannot turn back the time. Follow your mind and your heart, do the things that can make you feel happy. This will stop you from overthinking.

Tell yourself that the lament you would feel over missing a chance would be powerful than the lament over having less-than-ideal time. Consider the instances you took a risk at doing something new, and it is worthwhile. Think of the instances that staying home or being scared of trying new things has gained you something. You will instantly notice that taking the risk of letdown and disappointment was useful due to the fact that it results in good things.

Always keep in mind that you can leave early when you are not having the best time. What is vital is that you try and know whether or not you can finish up having a meaningful and fun experience.

Chapter 2             Meditation And Overthinking

Meditation is akin to mindful breathing. This technique also emphasizes the deep, slow inhalation as well as exhalation of breath along with a component of meditative mindfulness. This might signify narrating a mantra. A mantra refers to a phrase or word which helps you keep focused and calm or giving your concentration on body sensations. These physical sensations take account of breathing in and out sensation through the nostrils and feeling of sitting where you are.

Look for ways to divert yourself. Once you were continuously doubting yourself or thinking so much of a specific situation, you might need to look for an active way to a getaway that overthinking pattern. Try to divert yourself with a healthy, positive alternative. Like for instance, try to meditate to ground yourself in the current situation. You can also take pleasure in crafts; try to take up sewing or knitting to keep your mind busy each time thinking patterns attack. Do you love playing a musical instrument, then play your favorite tune. This will keep you relax and calm. Look for a way that keeps you relax. You can use that activity each time thought or thinking pattern strikes.

We all have a high regard for thinkers Marie Curie, Plato, Albert Einstein, Shakespeare, Charles Darwin, etc. These smart, intuitive, and innovative individuals change the ways the world with their impactful thought. But, although thinking is regarded as a positive characteristic, overthinking is definitely not.

Overthinking is a barrage of unsystematic thoughts, a lot of them. Neither does lead to clarity of mind. It doesn't help an individual gain a rational solution. Overthinking just results in resentful, obsessive as well as pointless thinking. A mentality prone to thinking pattern distorts perception. Perhaps you are aware that you are not able to bring back the past and future isn't known to anyone. However, the mentality is mislaid in the labyrinth of thoughts. Always, keep in your mind, there's an extremely thin line between learning from the previous mistakes and preoccupying over them.

Look at the child. You will see that there is just "today" in their mind. There's no thought on the future, they just living in the current time. All of us have been through childhood. We are also able to live in the present and relieve the pressure of overthinking. How? Through meditation! This can end overthinking, and it can help people to go back to simpler times, where there are no worries and troubles.

How Meditation Helps End Overthinking?

Experts have been discovered that meditation helps a lot in stopping you from overthinking. Here are the ways on how meditation plays a vital role in dealing overthinking.

Set Right the Viewpoint

Overthinking is able to infect and plaque the mind of an individual with unnecessary ideas and thoughts. It is pressuring the person with doubts, illusion, regrets, suspicions, as well as distorted reality. Not any of these qualities result in a happy or peaceful life. Meditation provided a point of view, making a person conscious that there's a bigger picture. He or she will realize that the ideas are parochial and restrictive. If she or he is ready to explore further, he or she will be capable of joining the dots for the bigger pursuits in life.

Helps Overcome Unconstructive Thoughts

Sometimes, we are seeing at fixing guilt and culpability for the bad things that occur in our lives. After all, dealing with issues in which you can blame somebody else is easier. Meditation, on the other hand, helps a lot in overcoming negative attributes like finger pointing and fault finding. Mindfulness meditation is worth trying. This technique will work wonder in assisting you to stop thinking too much. In this conscious space, you can banish negative ideas in your mind and look for higher realities. This will help in giving much of your time on greater deeds and ideas.

Frees from Attachment

Overthinking is a sign of one's attachment- to his actions, thoughts, ideas, actions as well as words. As a human being, we are extremely attached to others and rapports. This clouds reasoning and judgment, which makes us over critical as well as over-analytical.

Changing Your Approach and Challenge You Thoughts

After Viewing your Failure

It doesn't matter if you are scared of trying something due to your overthinking. If you believe you will not be successful, or you are not able to end replaying the memory of a time you botched at something or in various role, you have to be aware that sometimes things will not work out the way you would want them to. That is a bad thing always. Some of what we recognize as failure isn't an ending, just a start to new chances, opportunities, as well as new avenues of living.

Know that Behaviors' Might Not Succeed But You Don't

Instead of viewing letdown or disappointment as the conclusion of something good, why not see it as a new chance. Life, for instance, if you lose your career, you can find a good one that will provide you more satisfaction. If you're starting a new project and the result is not that acceptable, you can redo it, and you may have a good idea of what you would want to carry out in a different way next time.

Let failure your motivation. Put more concentration and hard work into doing good next time, or spend a lot of time in preparing for upcoming events.

Avoid Dwelling on the What Went Before

Being familiar with that you aren't able to alter the past and dwelling on it repeatedly will not help alter anything. This is a vital part of overthinking. Learning from your past is a vital part of maturing and growing, ruminating and overthinking on the things you have done wrong, missed chances, as well as other factors of what went before,  is destructive and barren.

The moment you learn the vital lesson you think you need to learn from events that happened in the past, try to set memory free. Do not intentionally and willfully think of it, and any time you get yourself thinking on it, divert yourself to some things and snap out that thinking pattern. Concentrate on the current situation that you do have the control to change.

You Aren't Able to See the Future

We don't have an idea about what will happen in the future. Your overthinking mentality surely is not going to see coming events. On the other hand, a lot of overthinking people are likely to believe that they are aware of the will take place ahead: which auditioning for the beauty pageant will just lead to disgrace and failure, or which asking someone out will lead to an awkward and overwhelming rejection. However, how will you know if you don't give a try? What are the bases of your hypothesis? Most of often, those hypotheses are unfounded. They set you up to not succeed by presuming from the very beginning that you will.

Chapter 3             Focus And Concentration

One of the hardest parts about navigating our neuroplasticity is our ability to focus and concentrate. You could have an assignment directly in front of you, but you might still discover that it's nearly impossible just to pay attention. In this chapter, we will help you explore how and why you can use your concentration.

Why Focusing Can Be Difficult

Having access to new material to learn, and valuable sources for information is never really the issue. The problem with learning is that it can be incredibly hard to focus and concentrate. To be better at both of these things, there are a few things that you can start to do. First, you have to make sure that you're checking in with your overall physical and mental well-being. Are you getting the proper nutrition, the right amount of exercise, adequate sleep, and are you managing your stress?

These things are essential in making sure that you have a high level of ability to focus and concentrate.

Those who are sleep deprived are going to have an impaired cognitive function. If you want to make sure that you are correctly giving yourself the ability to concentrate on what's important. We have to check in with all of these things. Aside from that, there are a few other things that might be making it harder for you to focus.

If you're constantly distracted by thoughts, then it will be difficult to concentrate.

Maybe you're anxious and worried about what you're going to do later that day. Perhaps you're sitting in the middle of class learning information for a test, but you're sitting there thinking that thinking about how scared you are that you might fail the test.

Perhaps someone is trying to talk to you, but you're so anxious about making sure that you listen to them that in the process, you end up not hearing a word that they say. This can all directly affect your ability to concentrate. It's challenging. But if you start to recognize the reason why you can't focus, it'll be easier to find a way to be able to concentrate better.

As we already mentioned, one of the reasons that it can be the most challenging to focus is because you're not multitasking right.

You can also find that it's challenging to pay attention because you have no interest in the things that you're learning about. Throughout this chapter, we will give you a few focused exercises you can do while also providing practical tips for you to stop multitasking fight boredom and overcome prioritization. Let's first look more in-depth into multitasking.

Multitasking

The world is filled with so many people who have interests and passions that they want to fulfill. There are endless options for the things that will be able to do in this lifetime. However, we can't do it all. That is the hardest pill to swallow. Sometimes, there are going to be sure things in your life that you just have to look past and try to deal with what you have.

Have you ever gone on vacation only to realize that you never went to that restaurant you want to go to or discovered that there was a place you wanted to stop at, but you didn't get the chance to do so? That's okay. Don't be stressed about the things that you couldn't do. All that matters is that we take on each new task to defeat it with our best abilities. We already discussed the importance of not multitasking. But let's look at a few practical methods that you can use so that you actually stop doing this.

The first thing is first, put down your phone. That is so hard for some people to do. You just are always getting texts, emails, calls, and so on. And each time this happens, you can look at them. Sometimes this can really stress us out. What if something bad happened? What if something happens? When we have our phone sitting right next to us, and we see all these notifications, it can be distracting. Now, phones are essential in our society. They help us function and stay connected. And we can learn new information through various apps.

At the same time, they're a huge source of distraction. Set a few boundaries for yourself with your phone. Give yourself time periods throughout the day that you can use to do nothing but sit on your phone. Whether it's 15 minutes, an hour, or two hours, whatever is fine. Just carve out this time for you to sit on your phone when you do that it will be less tempting to peek at your phone for five minutes or 10 minutes here and there throughout the day. Put your phone in a different room. It's very tempting just to have your phone in your pocket or sitting right next to you at all times. If you're trying to study That makes it super easy just to reach over and grab your phone.

Go put it in a kitchen cabinet, hide it in a bathroom drawer, put it under your pillow (just don't forget to leave it there while you go to sleep). Whatever you do separate yourself from your phone so you are last tempted to look at it. Get out of the habit of looking at it at the same time every day. Some people do it first thing in the morning, or the last thing they do before bed. Some people will do it while they sit there and eat dinner. Others will do it while they sit on the toilet. Whatever you do notice the pattern of using your phone and breaks our habit.

Phones are not bad all the time. They aren't the evil that we need to fight. They can be a great source of learning. You can download books; you can scroll the internet, you can play puzzles. Whatever you want to do, you could probably find a way to do it on your phone. However, if we aren't careful, It can be evil, it can be damaging to our lives, and it can have negative effects. Put your phone somewhere else. Break habits, recognize cycles and use it for good — not as a crutch of distraction or to alleviate any boredom.

Next, when it comes to multitasking, make sure that you start to be aware of how much attention you're putting on essential things. If someone asks you to do something that you don't think you can do, learn how to say no. This can be one of the hardest things for people to learn. If you say no to somebody, they might not ask you for something again in the future. And who knows if that will mean missing out on opportunities. Don't let yourself fall into this mentality. If you are always afraid of what will happen if you say no, you will always say yes. It's not an all-or-nothing thing. You can say no. Sometimes you can say yes, Other times, do what is best for you and don't hurt yourself just for other people. Especially recognize this if there's somebody that wouldn't do the same for you.

If you say no, and you notice that people are leaving your life and they aren't as present, maybe that's a sign that they shouldn't be there in the first place.

If you have to start using outside sources to stop you from trying to multitask, one secure method is if you have an iPhone or a phone that requires a password, enter it incorrectly several times. If you do it wrong enough, it will lock you out for a minute to an hour or however long depending on the type of phone. This is a great way to make sure that even if you do pick up your phone, you won't be able to get into it. Or switch your phone into airplane mode for as long as you need. There are also outside apps that will block certain websites from specific times on your computer. Try using these methods to keep you from being distracted and multitasking too often.

Accelerated Learning

Since there's so much information out there for you to learn, it's helpful to understand how you can accelerate your learning to get the best results possible. Accelerated learning is the process of taking new information at a rapid pace. While it might sound like this would, in turn, result in you retaining less data, it can still be an effective way to understand basic steps and smaller details.

To start, let's understand how you can read at an accelerated pace. This will require you to look through the text that you're going to learn to get an idea of what it is you're about to be consuming. Of course, if you're going to be reading a fiction book, this might result in the spoiling of the end or any other major plot points, so it's mostly to be used for nonfiction books that you are studying.

Pay attention to the table of contents and try to make connections before you even begin reading so that it's easier for you to pick up concepts as you go throughout the text. In addition to this, make sure that you have keywords picked out that you'll be looking for. For example, if you're taking a test on a book next week, and it has a list of words that need to be known or critical points, then these will be the sources for what you will be paying attention to as you're reading throughout the book.

Next, what you want to do is start the actual reading. One method for you to read faster is to read the first sentence of every paragraph only. And from there, skim the rest of the paragraph. This is because the main point of the paragraph is going to be started right away. Everything after that is going to be the description and more backup information to support that idea.

You can also focus on reading the last sentence, as this is going to help some things up and transition into the next paragraph. As you will be reading, you will also want to focus on reducing your subvocalization. What this is, is the voice in the back of your head that reads things as you do. What you want to do is quiet this voice so you can read even faster. Sometimes you get hung up on your words and you trip over the things that you're trying to say because you're too focused, trying to pronounce the words that you're reading.

If you really want to read at a rapid rate, just read. Don't repeat the words in your head. Just look at the words and try to take them in as fast as you can. In order to help you do this, have a small task you're doing in the back of your head. This could include chewing gum, playing with a fidget spinner, or using a bookmark to help you read the sentences and outline the things that you're looking at. After you've learned how to accelerate your reading, there are a few other methods that you can use for accelerated learning.

What you have to do when you're learning anything new is to make sure that you can describe it to the basic core. Explain it as you would to a five-year-old or an alien that's never heard of this subject before. How could you explain it in the simplest way possible? If you can't describe a concept within a short paragraph, then there's a chance that you don't really understand it.

Use metaphors and other ways to help simplify all of the concepts that you're taking in. Finally, the most crucial step and accelerated learning is changing up the environment that you're learning. If you sit on your computer at the same desk every day reading the same book over and over again, eventually you fall into the same pattern of learning. Don't just read while you learn. Learn things with your hands, do activities, perform experiments, watch videos, get out there, and learn and more ways other than just studying with your mind. There are a ton of ways that you can learn the same concept in brand new methods. Talk to people. Have discussions. Whatever you need to do is fine, just look for new ways to always take in new information.

Focus Exercises

There are a few exercises that we can start to do to make it easier for us to focus on. One of these is to make a to-do list of distractions. We always write down the things that we have to get done, but less frequently do we make a list of fun things to do. Next time you're sitting there, and you need to pay attention, pull up some things to take notes on, so you can create a distraction list. Maybe you're sitting in a meeting at work, or you have to listen to a lesson plan at school. Wherever you are, create this to-do list so that you can limit your distractions.

For example, let's say you're sitting there listening to somebody talking all of a sudden you start to think about the fun vacation that you're going on next week, stop immediately and write it down. Later in the day when you're riding the bus home watching TV, taking a shower and so on. You can pull up this list and go through those thoughts and work through them if you really want to. If you get to those thoughts later on and discover that it's not really something that you need to spend your time paying attention to, then that’s even better.

When you start to do this more frequently, it will be easier for you to limit your mental distractions and focus on what's right in front of you. Another focus exercise that you can do is called a wall sit. What this does is helps you focus on your breathing and your concentration, so that all other distractions are limited.

What you do is place your back up against a wall and slide down into a sitting position. It's very difficult to do for long periods of time because it puts a lot of strain on your legs. However, it's important to do because it teaches you what it's like to sit there and focus on nothing but the moment.

You can regulate your breathing help increase your blood flow and keep your mind sharp. Once you start to think of a distraction, you'll remember that you need to hold yourself up so it will be harder for you to break focus.

Something else that you can do in order to help make your concentration better is to use your two hands to do a different task, each. Let's say that you're sitting in the classroom trying to pay attention, and you start to lose focus. Take your right hand and place it on your right knee and take your left hand and place it on the desk.

Tap each finger in order on the surface that they are in. Start with your thumb, then tap your finger. Tap your pointer finger. Tap your middle finger. Tap your index finger and tap your pinky. Now go back through but do it in the opposite order on each hand. What this does is pulls your attention all to the moment right in front of you.

After you do this, you'll realize that it's much easier to focus on the things that are in front of you. Most of the time, it's easier for us to tap our thumbs, pointer fingers, and other corresponding phalanges at the same time. Try tapping them from left to right. This means tapping your left pinky at the same time as your right thumb. You'd tap your left index finger at the same time as your right pointer finger. You'd tap your middle fingers at the same time, then your left pointer finger at the same time as your right index finger. Finally, you'd tap your left thumb at the same time as your right pinky finger. Messing around with this order and how you choose to tap is going to have significant effects on your concentration.

Keep a concentration focus token on you at all times. This could be something as simple as a penny or maybe a little tin of lip balm. Whatever it is, have it be something that you always keep on you or in your pocket.

Whenever you're feeling distracted or like you're losing focus, touch this item, and it will remind you that the only thing that matters at this moment is that you are paying attention to what is right in front of you.

Fighting Boredom

Boredom isn't just the lack of having fun or exciting things to do. Boredom is the refusal to recognize these fun or exciting things. For example, if you're sitting there in class, feeling bored by what the teacher is saying, then you're just not trying hard enough to find an exciting thing to take away from this lesson. There's somebody in front of you trying to teach you new information. That's not boring itself. It's the method of learning that it might be annoying.

Maybe your teacher has a very flat voice, and perhaps they're just reading things straight from the book, they could definitely be a boring person. But the actual material that you're learning about likely isn't that boring. What you can do instead is to come up with a fun scenario to help you remember things more comfortable. For this example of a boring teacher, you could pretend that they're wearing something weird. Or maybe you could count all the times that they say a certain word, you could pay attention to their hand, or watch the way that their feet move as they walk through the classroom. Whatever it is, find a little game that doesn't require your complete concentration so that you can still pick up what they're saying, but something enough to keep you interested in the things that they're doing. Sometimes, if you're bored with a task that's already in front of you, then it might be just that you lack passion for this.

It's not necessarily that the subject material is boring; you just may be struggling to find a connection to your life. We often care about things that have to deal with ourselves more than we do with things that don't really matter to us. How many times have you found yourself bored, listening to your friend ramble on and on and on, because they only talk about themselves? Have you ever seen somebody telling you their dream of being bored, especially if you're not in it? The reason that we got bored with specific subjects is that it doesn't apply to us in any way.

The thing is, we can always find a connection to how it could relate to us. Next time you're sitting history class, and you can't help but start to doze off because your teacher just isn't making any part of it interesting, find a way to connect it to your life even if it's a vast concept such as an international conflict. Maybe you could think of a time when two of your friends had a dispute with each other and try to find a way that their fight relates to this substantial international conflict.

It can be a bit of a stretch, but whatever happens, it stays in your mind. It's just a fun way to make the content more interesting, and more relatable and if you are still extremely bored at whatever you're learning, and you can't find anything interesting about it, then it's time to take a break. Your boredom might be the result of you not being able to focus or pay attention well enough. You could be feeling really anxious about something you could be distracted by a different thought that you're having, or something even more impressive is just taking up your time. Take a break, get a clear head, and go back with a fresh set of eyes. This is going to make it more fun for you to learn in the process and result in your learning more comfortable as well.

Chapter 4             Eliminate Clutter And Create An Inspiring Space

Clutter not only affects the aesthetics of your outer environment but also the beauty of your inner space. Just try meditating in a room that has dirty laundry strewn around and you will know what I mean. It won’t be too far-fetched to say that your environment is your mind. You just can’t think clearly enough as long as you have untidiness surrounding you.

This week, I would like you to eliminate clutter from your life. Eventually, I want you to work on both your inner and your outer environment. To get started, we will focus on the outer clutter.

I’d suggest that you start identifying what is truly important to you. Begin the decluttering process by removing everything that you don’t use anymore or that’s broken and non-functional.

Donate the clothes that you no longer wear and let go of things you don’t use anymore. If you haven’t needed something for 2 years, then you are likely never going to need it.

If you take a look at your wardrobe, then you will realize that you regularly reach out only for a few pieces. I don’t mean that you get rid of everything you don’t regularly wear. I’m just suggesting that you surround yourself with clothes and things that you truly cherish so that every time you look at your possessions, you feel uplifted by their beauty.

I personally like Marie Kondo’s method of holding each item in your hands and asking yourself if it sparks joy. Most of the time the answer is straight forward but sometimes it is not. Sometimes an item does not spark joy but it has sentiments attached to it. In such a case, it becomes very difficult to decide what to do with it. I would suggest that if something doesn’t spar joy and yet you are not ready to part with it, then it might be better to use it in a way that would spark joy.

For instance, a sentimental coffee mug can become a pen holder for your table. Look for creative ideas to use these kinds of items.

There are those items that don’t spark joy but are essential for maintaining hygiene and health: for instance, the dust pan or the broom. Again, storing them in an aesthetically pleasing way (perhaps behind a charming closet door) would help.

Letting go of things that you feel attached to is one of the hardest things to do in life. It is almost like letting go of a friend’s hand who is no longer alive. You feel guilty as it seems like there is something you can do for it. But once you gone through the process and managed to let go of everything that no longer serves your highest good, you feel exhilarated and light.

There is a lot more freedom in having fewer items that you truly cherish than in being weighed down by having too many possessions that don’t spark any joy. Let go of excess baggage to travel light through life.

I would suggest that you start out by decluttering just one small area of your house this week. You can spend the first three days removing all the clutter from this area and making it as clean and organized as possible. It could be your work desk, your bedroom, your closet – any place from which eliminating clutter will really help you right now.

During the latter part of this week, I would like you to work on turning this space into an inspiring one. What can you add to this space to make it more inspiring – so much that it becomes a delight for you to look at?

This might mean hanging a beautiful chandelier in your closet or placing a flower vase on your work desk. It could also mean adding aromatic candles to your bathroom or placing storage baskets in your linen closet.

The point is that this space should feel inspiring and beautiful to you. You are the only one who knows exactly what you must do to make it happen.

For this, you’ll have to find out what you like seeing, having, and experiencing in your environment the most.

Elimination is a very important part of the process as through elimination you make space for the new. However, inspiration is equally important as it invites into your life what you truly cherish and want more of.

Once you have mastered the art of eliminating clutter from a particular space and turning it into an inspiring one, I would suggest that you extend this practice to other spaces in your life.

Over time, this will likely become addictive as you would want to live in nothing less than a sanctuary of peace and beauty.

Tasks for This Week:

Choose one space and remove thoroughly declutter it. Start small, so that you don’t feel too overwhelmed by this task. It could be just your work desk or an armoire in your room. Once you have eliminated clutter make the space as clean and organized as possible. Be sure to have a place for everything and develop the habit of returning things to their designated space after each use. You can take up to three days to satisfactorily complete this task. Of course, you can take longer if that’s what feels right to your heart but this is the timeline I would recommend.

Once you have made the space clean and organized, it is time to make it more inspiring. Is there anything you can add to it that would make it a delight for you to behold every time? Spend the remaining four days turning that space into an inspiring one. Strive to make it a space so warm and uplifting that by being in or around it, you automatically feel cocooned in beauty.

If successfully completing this project makes you feel good, then slowly transform your entire house and workspace into inspiring spaces.

Chapter 5             Evaluate The Company You Keep

Friendship, romantic relationship, and family ties impact us far more than we may like to allow. Your friends may be building you up or holding you back. Your parents may have the best intention but may not be able to support your development or growth. Even your spouse may have shortcomings when it comes to mental support.

Mental support is the issue that we'll tackle here. Now you should be no means run out for a divorce order simply because your spouse doesn't understand your mental development needs. You should, however, consider making a few new friends, and the internet has made that more accessible than ever. Psychological support is vital for reaching goals of mental improvement or self-betterment. Why is mental support so important? Your brain handles stressors with more considerable bravery and a calm composure when friends, family, or even acquaintances are nearby. This result could be because you're trying to lessen the appearance of a threat or to divert your own attention. The Association for Psychological Science offered a statement that gives a lot of insight into the effect of the company, "Alone, the world is a lot more demanding.”

Aside from the mental stimulus response to the presence of friends, we have less analytical support. The people around you shape who you are currently. Yes, you likely have static aspects of your personality, such as your sense of humor, or lifelong preferences. If you doubt the impact that the people around you can have, consider the following statements. As you read through them acknowledge if you believe them to be true, or false.

If no one in your life participates in a particular hobby you enjoy, you are less likely to pursue that hobby.

Friend groups will often have two or more shared activities or preferences.

People around you will exchange information regularly.

Spending time with people socially can allow you to construct new perspectives.

If you believed that any of these were true, then you have already bought into the concept that the people around you can shape the way you think. Scientists worked with a group of approximately 47 college students and found that “friends” who spent time together outside of class responded similarly to videos. The videos used in this study varied from an actor practicing improv to a wedding between two men, and a short film about the risks of sports in college. The thing is that the concept of homophily, or the idea that we prefer to make friends who visually look similar to ourselves, transcended outer appearance. During this study, it showed that friends, whether they visually resembled each other or not had similar brain activity.

When friends saw the same videos, the mental imaging taken at the time was eerily similar. They thought the same jokes were funny, and the corresponding risks assessed provoked the same level of threat response. The similarity in these responses was so significant and consistent they could use elimination variables including religion, economic level, and even ethnic group. Essentially this study proved that your friends think the same and respond the same to information.

It would be easy to say, “That’s not true; my friend and I have different political views.” That difference of opinion may be present in the filtered and carefully thought out the response you have when discussing politics. On a simple action and response level, you and your friend likely have more similar views than you might have imagined possible.

Jim Rohn famously captured this concept in a quote, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” This quote relies on the law of averages, which works on the notion that anything will be the average of all possible outcomes.

Are you comfortable seeing and responding to your environment the same way your friends do? These are people you love and have probably spent years with, does that mean the price of friendship is your development? No, but carefully consider the restrictions that your association places on you.

Can you push your friends to expand their horizons and participate in learning or experiencing something new with you? Yes, but that’s not necessarily your job. As part of your brain training, you may realize the mental models that the people around you put to work and which ones they avoid. Additionally, you might see how they can easily accept some things that they know as truths, a semantic memory, while you begin to question them.

The most significant solution to the problem that comes with friendships impact on your brain abilities is to make more friends. You don’t have to give up your current friends and giving up your family is not an available option for many people. However, when you make new friends, you can somewhat shop around for what you’re looking for in your life.

Making new friends affects that law of averages mentioned with the Jim Rohn quote. By adding more factors into your life, you can offset some limiting beliefs of the people around you. More than anything else, though, our brains perform best when we are making new relationships. Friendships more than family ties or romantic relationships show the larges boost in the reward center of the brain, the basal ganglia. You might recall that this is the same region of the brain where we store many implicit memories and form new habits. As you start to piece together how your mind processes aspects of interaction, it’s easy to see the bigger picture.

When making new friends, you are creating new memories. New friends, in particular, spark a more excellent feeling of reward as these are more implicit memories of social interaction. You’re identifying and analyzing this new person, recording their preferences and reactions to your statements. As you build more memories, your brain shifts, creating episodic memories with that person where the focus becomes on the moment rather than the minute actions between two people. Making friends is good for you, and it’s clear that your brain benefits from it. Additionally, our brain will grow a little stagnant when spending too much time with the same people. You’ll adopt more limiting beliefs and narrower ranges of perception than if you were spending more time with different people referencing back to the law of averages.

So how can making new friends play a fun role in brain training? Well, there are a few different ways to implement this aspect of building up your brainpower by making new friends or increasing positive friend time:

Set a quota for new people to meet each week or month.

Schedule time to see people that you want to spend more time with regularly.

Join an online community and participate.

Change the way you interact with your current relationships.

Host a potluck for coworkers, current friends, or extended family you don’t see often.

Encourage friends to bring their friends to an event.

Sign up with Meetup to meet real people near you that have similar interests.

Join or create a club.

Take a class.

Start saying, “Yes” to invitations that you would usually turn down.

Diving into some of these tips a little more will help you decide which ones you are comfortable with and how much you want to change your social network.

To start making new friends, set a monthly or weekly quota. Many people actively avoid introducing themselves or engaging with another adult. A childhood skill that dies soon into high school has two primary purposes. First, people avoid forging new relationships because they fear being vulnerable. Second, people avoid meeting someone new because they don't know what those cards hold. In a society that has much more extensive access to news now than ever before, people have become scary. Strangers are the enemy.

While it might seem like that lady walking her dog at the park you run past could be a serial killer, she’s probably not. Remember the mental model of Hanlon’s Razor, the attribution of malice is least likely. At that rate, you can employ Occam’s Razor as well. It is improbable that the person you want to introduce yourself to will approach you with any form of malice.

There is no question, though. When you first start introducing yourself to people, you will get a few weird looks. Not only are people not accustomed to someone walking up to them in public anymore, but they may have the same fears of exposed vulnerability. They may even think that you’re out to cause them harm. As you introduce yourself to more and more people, you’ll see that your initial confidence will impact the response you receive.

To make meeting new people more comfortable to use an introduction template. Try this:

“Hi, I’m (name), and I (run/walk/eat) here all the time. I (like/see) your (object which grabbed your attention) and was interested. I wanted to say hi.”

In a real-world context, this might be:

“Hi, I’m John, and I eat here all the time. I saw your book and was interested. I wanted to say hi.” Then you would utilize that object which caught your attention to begin a conversation. In this example, you can say that you haven’t read it yet, or that reading is a hobby you enjoy.

Alternatively, you can find an online community for nearly anything. From online book clubs, makeup communities, auto sports forums, and even Dungeons and Dragons-style role playing games. The internet has made it easier than ever to make new friends. Additionally, there is no surface-level fear of having to prompt interaction. When joining an online community, you will have a built-in opportunity for initiating communication. A simple, hey what was last week’s book? Or “I’m new to playing D&D can someone help?”

Online communities can, indeed be harsh. There are many people out there who work their way into these communities with the intent of getting out their frustrations or causing discord. However, each community should have moderators and administrators to respond and divert these users.

The most important aspect of being part of an online community is to participate. Remember that your brain responds to interactions, not commentary. If you’re lurking, or just reading through threads and not responding, then you’re not getting any of the benefits that come with making new friends.

If you're having trouble, resort to a fun and modern-day solution, use Meetup. Meetup is an online service where you can find groups that meet physically in your area. To start, you select a subject that interests you, then find a group that meets a convenient time and location. The great thing about using Meetup access a new social circle is that everything is already built-in and controlled through a third party.

You have a commonality or subject that everyone can discuss, you meet somewhere that is convenient for everyone, and everyone there goes with the intent of meeting new people.

A common but useful brain training tip is to start saying, "Yes." It’s become a joke that people say no to invitations because they would rather stay home and binge-watch a show. The thing is, your brain is sorely missing out on a lot of mental exercises. When you go out to an event, dinner, or anything similar, you’re practicing all of your socialization skills at once.

Generally speaking, if someone has thought of you enough to invite you to something personally, say yes. For more open invitations such as a Facebook event, do something with a friend that you don’t see so often. Play the rule of averages to your benefit. You might find that this person has a hobby that falls in line with one of your brain training games. There are opportunities everywhere, if only you say yes.

Remember that when founding new friendships, you are both getting something out of the interaction. Science suggests that people with stronger social connections were even less likely to die. Those who have weakened ties or are outright lonely will experience the same risk factors of smoking 15 or more cigarettes per day, being an alcoholic, or being overweight.

Another part of the social health focus is that when you focus on the group, you take on responsibility for these other people. In turn, you must take better care of yourself to set an example and continue fulfilling your responsibility to them. But how can you be sure that you’re going to meet the “right” people or people that you want to be around and to grow with?

It’s easy. Use your values and your interests to forge your new friendships. For example, if you’re looking for someone also interested in brain training, look for someone who enjoys reading or math games. If you see someone buying a Sudoku puzzle book, introduce yourself. Alternatively, someone who listens to self-help podcasts might be someone who is open to exploring new perspectives rather than employing limited ones.

As an adult making new friends is a challenge. Friendships and other social ties significantly impact your mental health and wellbeing. As part of your brain training program, you should set a quota on meeting new people regularly, whether it is online or in person. Use these new friendships to put your different mental models to work and expand your perception of the world around you.

Chapter 6             Natural Medicines: Rewiring Negativity Into Positivity

Free Credits

Mirror neuron

Mirror neurons are the neurons that show action in both conditions when a person does an action or observe others doing that the basic function of mirror neurons is that it helps in understanding actions that are done by others. It is a small circuit of cells present in the premotor cortex and the inferior parietal cortex. It is called mirror neurons because as mirror reflects us and ID whatever actions we do in front of it, in the same way mirror neurons shoe action when it sees others doing the same thing. These neurons are well studied in primitive species like monkeys. You might have seen some real-life examples of Monkey copying you and thought that the monkey is doing it just for fun, but the real fact is that there are mirror neurons are active when they see people doing activities.

We people have a more developed mind then animals. We have our Desire thoughts unwillingness to do a thing so power motor neurons are not so active and we don't the things by seeing others. But we are the evolved species of the primate monkeys so how can we not copy others. Do we have self-control still we sometimes tend to lose it and start copying other people which in some way is good and also bad. We should only copy others regarding the things which are beneficial for us and which can improve us to be a better person, like learning good manners from others. There is no harm in following other good qualities to make our life better.

Mirror neurons as Natural healers

The other group of neurons which get triggered by its environmental stimulus. Our environment affects us teaching us thanks a lot of things may it be having pros or cons. Mirror neurons have a great impact on honor learning and emotions. They can also show actors natural healers because it absorbs us into our environment. Whenever you feel anxious to be in a positive environment and around people who make you happy.

Effect of mirror neurons in our brain:

● Effect on our learning: Mirror neurons play a critical role in human abilities like speech habits language behavior etc. Because of our mirror neurons, we learn actions by seeing others even though they are not being taught to us. The memory of observed actions is stored in the subconscious mind and are executed by mirror neurons for output. Like if we are around a group of people who are eating our mind also directs us to eat even though our stomach might be full. We start to learn things by induction and implement them in our life. For example, middle Eastern countries observe the culture and tradition of Western countries and implement them in their life do they are not being taught by western peoples.

● Effect on our emotions: Emotional recognition and empathy is been linked to Mirror neurons. Association between mirror neurons and emotions have been shown by fMRI scans. This has observed the imitation of facial expression based on emotion. when two individuals interact there emotional States effects each other. Like you can't be happy when you're your dear ones are sad. Being happy and inducing happiness to others is the effect of mirror neurons activated in our brain.

Listen to each other

Share your part of sadness and misery can actually decrease the low emotional feeling in you. By sharing your grief you let out all the negative energies from the body. Talking and listening to each other can be a natural healer as you feel that you are not alone in your life. Being connected to someone makes it easy to run the errands of life. Which has been proven by psychologists that Having a conversation with your partner can clean your Aura. Communication gap can create a crack in a relationship. Even if you have any conflict for the misunderstanding with your partner talk and listen to each other this is the only way to dissolve the barriers between you. Having conversation Tu to decrease your differences doesn't mean Tu To overpower your partner by showing anger and superiority. Only by giving them equal place in your heart and mind your distances can be turned into closeness.

Friendship

Free Credits

Friends are companions who do not let us feel lonely. We become friends with a person only when our thoughts match. Being with someone so much like you makes you feel happy at first place. You have so many things in common to talk about regarding your studies daily life fashion sense your other friends and a lot more. We become close to our friends and share everything because we don't have the fear that they will judge us. We cannot be friends with our parents because there is an age an experience gap between us and also their superiority and fear of being judged makes us feel nervous before sharing our feelings.

Friends are the most important part of our childhood and it is the age when we are shaping our mind to become a intellectual person. As we spend half of our childhood in schools and colleges we are mostly around our behavior and nature has a great impact on us. Therefore we should choose our friend wisely on whom we can rely on. We should not break our friendship with old friends because they were part of our ups and downs. When we grow old we don't remember how much money we have earned but we do remember power memories with our friends.

Advantages of having friends-

● Friends help you in your problems

● They don't judge you easily

● You can have trust on them and keep your heart out

● They are the storehouse of Laughter medicine

● Cherishing old memories with your friends makes your mind nostalgic and sharp

● When you see your friends anti-stress hormone releases from our endocrine system

● You can call a friend for any suggestions and advice

Chapter 7             The Change That Comes From Within

You’re doing a wonderful job so far. You’ve already made a difference by making the decision to learn to master your emotions, understanding what they are, how they affect your lifestyle and what you can do to make a change for the better.

The next strategy is going to focus on how you can sidestep your emotional triggers by changing your emotions and using them to help you grow instead.

How to Change Your Emotions

Change is something that rarely ever comes easy. When you’re trying to change what is part of your personality, the very thing that makes you human, and something that has been part of your life for so long, it’s going to be even more of a challenge.

That’s okay, because the best things in life are the things which are worth fighting and struggling for, and in this case, learning how to master your emotions is something you’re going to fight for because it promises you a much better life.

A happier life, not just for you, but for the people you love. Emotional triggers will always be there because you don’t exist in this world alone. You constantly have to interact with people, and even find yourself in situations that are less than ideal. It is bound to happen every now and then.

These factors are sometimes beyond your control, but there is something that you can control. You can control how you decide to respond. You can make a conscious effort to change your emotions, although it will take a lot of willpower to resist the urge to rise to the occasion and succumb to the temptation to react to what’s provoking you.

It’s going to be hard because you’re going to have to go against your first instinctive response, to mindfully force yourself to react in a different way. A better way.

Changing your emotions may not be easy, but it is possible if you:

Choose to Do Something That Makes You Happy

Those who struggle with their emotions are often unhappier than most, which makes it very hard to hold onto any kind of happiness.

When you’re in a constant state of unhappiness, learning how to control anything becomes a challenge, let alone learning how to control something as powerful as your emotions.

Learning to master your emotions is not just about getting it under control; it is about reconnecting with yourself too and finding your happiness once more.

The best way to do that is to do something that makes you happy.

When you find yourself in an emotional situation and you’re struggling to get a hold of yourself, walk away and choose instead to do something that makes you happy.

Each time you actively try to engage in an activity which brings you joy you’ll find your negative emotions ebbing away quicker with each effort you make.

Harness the all-consuming power of happiness, because it’s a good kind of emotion which will benefit you and everyone else around you.

A happier state of mind also makes it much easier for you to think with clarity, and in doing so, gives you a much better handle at controlling your emotions.

Choose to Focus on The Solutions

Focus on the solution, not the problem.

The force of the emotions that we feel can still manage to get the better of us, even when we’re trying hard to reel them in.

It is especially difficult because you’re now trying to change the pattern of behavior that you have been used to for so long. The more you focus on the problem, the harder it is going to be to control your emotions, which is why you need to do the opposite.

Instead of focusing on the problems, turn your attention to the solution instead.

When emotions are running high, it is easy for someone else’s anger, frustration or any other emotion they may be experiencing to rub off on you (emotions are contagious, remember?), and this will disrupt your own attempts at trying to master your emotions.

It helps to focus on the situation at hand to help you find a solution to the problem.

The challenge here would be trying not to lose sight of the real issue that you should be focusing on.

When faced with an emotional situation or person, remind yourself that there must be a reason for it, and you need to find out what that reason is before you can attempt to find a solution for it.

Instead of thinking “I’m so angry” or “I am furious”, think about “What can I do to resolve this” instead.

There’s always a reason and a trigger for every emotional outburst and getting to the root cause of it is how to try to resolve the problem.

Choose Not to Follow the Crowd

When everyone else is feeling emotionally charged up, it’s not going to help matters in any way if you join the crowd and add fuel to the fire.

Instead, try an alternative solution where you are the one who continues to remain calm instead. Allow yourself to be the one who keeps a cool head on their shoulders and take on the role of problem solver instead.

It’s easy to let the emotions of others affect you, but the beauty of this situation is that you always have a choice, and you need to remember that.

If you choose not to follow the crowd, you’re choosing to change your emotions. You now have the opportunity to provide that kind of solution for someone else.

Choose A Time Out When You Need It

We all need a little space every now and then, especially when dealing with a highly emotional situation.

If you’re the emotional one, don’t hesitate to ask for a time out or a break if you need to remove yourself from the situation and take a few minutes to calm yourself down.

This is how you change your emotions, by choosing not to feed into it even more and taking a step back so you have a chance to breathe for a minute and try to calm your thoughts.

Emotions cloud your judgment and stop you from thinking straight, and you will be no good to anyone if you can’t even think straight because you’re too focused on how you’re feeling to care about anything else.

The best thing you could do to provide a helpful solution would be to get some space if you feel like you need it. Recommend that they get some space too, so everyone can come back and revisit the issue when they’re not as worked up emotionally and willing to listen to reason.

There are times and a place for effective communication and being emotional is neither the right time nor place. Take a time out if you need one.

Choose Open and Welcoming Body Language Responses

Another challenging exercise in self-control and self-regulation is going to be making a conscious decision to remain calm, open and welcoming with your body language, despite the strong emotional situation you may find yourself in.

Adopt body language mannerisms which are inviting and you’ll have a much better shot at getting your emotions under control quickly.

Body language is just as powerful as the words that you speak, and sometimes you could even end up making the situation worse without ever having said a word.

When someone is being emotional in front of you for example, and you roll your eyes and shake your head, you could end up aggravating the situation and making things worse, even if you never uttered a word the whole time.

As challenging as it may be, body language is just as important trying to resolve social problems which are caused by emotions.

What you need to do to change those emotions is to adopt open and welcoming body language gestures, which include making good eye contact, not crossing your arms in front of your chest, not frowning, clenching or muscles or display any visible indication that you may be feeling emotional yourself.

Choose to Talk to Someone

We’ll talk more about the negative effects of trying to suppress your emotions, but for now, one method of learning to keep your emotions under control is to talk to someone about it when it starts to feel like it might be too much.

Instead of keeping all those emotions bottled up inside you with no healthy means of release; choose instead to talk to a friend or family member with whom you’re comfortable with.

Venting, as it is often referred to, can make you feel much better, almost like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

When that weight is gone, your head feels much clearer and changing your emotions then becomes easier.

Friends or family members who know you well enough might be able to provide some form of insight too and even give you their feedback which could prove to be useful advice.

Using Your Emotions to Grow

Your emotions can do one of two things.

They can either help you grow and become a better version of yourself, or it can hold you back and destroy your reputation.

The former open doors to new and greater opportunities, while the latter will leave you with a reputation that you’re someone others should stay away from when you’re unstable and emotional.

To achieve the former, you need to begin cultivating a positive environment for yourself, one that is going to make it easier to nurture these positive emotions and help you grow.

Here’s the twist - it’s not all about you. That’s right, growing your emotions is not going to be an exercise that is entirely focused on you.

This time, you’re going to be focused on making others around you feel good, which in turn helps you feel good.

Humans are social creatures by nature, and doesn’t it always feel much better when you know you’ve done something that makes a positive difference in someone else’s life other than yourself?

That’s how you use your emotions to grow as a person. This is what you need to do:

Be Appreciative

There is nothing that demotivates you and other people around you quicker than a lack of appreciation.

Showing a little gratitude and appreciation every now and then can go a long way towards turning your emotions around. When you’re feeling terrible after a long day, just remembering that there’s a lot in your life to be grateful for despite all that is enough to put a smile on your face.

Simple phrases like “thank you” or “nice job”, maybe even a “we couldn’t have done it without you” can make a real difference in your moral and that of others you spend your time with.

You Need to Be Engaging

No matter whom you interact with, be engaging and go the extra mile to make a connection with them.

A genuine human connection is what we all long for deep down inside, and there’s no one who is ever going to tell you that they enjoy being lonely.

No matter who you’re engaging with, build a connection that is meaningful. With family, friends, and colleagues, out to them on a regular basis, congratulate them on little victories accomplished, and remember special moments like their birthdays and anniversaries.

These efforts will go a long way towards keeping the people who matter happy, and in turn, you will feel a lot happier too.

Making Others Feel Like They Matter Too

You’re not the only one who wants to feel like you matter.

Others want the same thing. If this approach was practice more in the workplace, it would make such a difference to morale and productivity levels for all employees involved.

There are going to be some people in your team that have better ideas than the next person, it happens. Instead of feeling jealous or envious, why not feel happy for them for a change?

If you wish it had been you, then use that as motivation to work even harder so you’re ready for the next opportunity that comes along.

Make it your personal policy to encourage anyone with an idea to approach you and give them a chance to express their ideas.

This kind of empathy and understanding is a sign of emotional maturity on your part, and that is always a good thing. It means you’ve grown.

Be Trustworthy

If you want to be thought of as someone who is positive and approachable, you need to be someone who is trustworthy.

Without trust, there is no possibility of working together well. When others feel like they can’t trust you, it’s impossible for them to be themselves around you, let alone consider any kind of relationship with you, personal or professional.

It is easy, to be honest when the news that you intend to share is good.

It takes courage to be even more honest when the news that you have to share is bad news.

Choosing Politeness

It is so easy to start yelling, screaming and throwing about some verbally abusive words when your emotions are out of control.

When someone is attacking you verbally, your natural instinct might be to start defending yourself and fighting back.

Trying to remain polite and professional is going to be the last thing on your mind, but it is what you must do if you want to use your emotions as an opportunity to grow instead.

If you continue to keep your tone calm, polite and civil throughout the emotional situation, sooner or later, others will follow suit.

Choosing to remain polite when someone is being extremely emotional in your face is not a sign of weakness on your part.

You’re not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, you’re making the choice not to stoop down to their level, and that is a reflection on your character.

Change Your Thoughts to Change Your World

A beautiful quote by Norman Vincent Peale which sums up perfectly that the only way to use your emotions to help you grow is to first change your perspective and your thoughts.

Reflecting upon his words, you’ll come to see just how powerful the nature of the thoughts that we have in our mind can be.

Our thoughts can determine whether we’re happy, sad, feeling optimistic, positive, frustrated, resentful, angry, bitter, or negative.

If you want to live a life that is happy, a life that is filled with contentment and a sense of fulfillment, then one thing’s for sure, and that is you need to change your thought patterns.

If you want to use your emotions to help you grow, you need to change the way that you think about them. It begins with getting rid of your excuses.

To keep your emotions under control, you’re going to have to get rid of all your excuses. No more making excuses that justify your behavior. No more finding excuses and reasons to justify your poor emotional reactions and outbursts.

Learning from your mistakes is what people who grow to become better versions of themselves do.

Excuses are the kind of thought patterns that will hold you back the longer you hold onto them, like an anchor that just weighs you down and prevents you from moving on.

Make Your Own List

Create a little list for yourself where you write down all the changes that you want to see happening in your life from this point forward.

Having it visually represented in front of you makes it stick in your mind for much longer. This old-school trick is still among the most effective techniques that have managed to stick around for one, very simple reason.

It works. Write down all the goals that you want to accomplish by the end of this master your emotions journey.

A simple goal with a clear outline of how your thought pattern needs to change to accomplish it.

Whenever you feel like managing your emotions is a particular struggle at any point during this process, simply look at the list again to renew your resolve and remind yourself as to why you’re doing this.

Learning to Let Go

Next to forgiveness, learning to let go of the past and move on is the next biggest indicator of emotional maturity.

A sign that you have grown from the person you used to be. Those who have been struggling for a long time with trying to keep their emotions under control will tell you this is one of the hardest steps to accomplish. Replaying or holding onto past hurts or mistakes is going to do nothing except get you emotionally worked up for nothing.

Now that we know emotions can have both physical and psychological effects on our wellbeing (and not in a good way), it then becomes more important than ever that you learn how to let things go.

Your very health depends on it. It may seem impossible, but you’ll be happy to know that learning how to let things go is a trait which can be learned over time.

Everything can be learned, you just need to be willing to learn.

Be the Forgiving One

Life would be so much simpler if we could all just get along and no one got emotionally out of control. In a perfect world, that would be the ideal scenario.

Once you have learned how to let go of your negative emotions and the things that bother you, there’s one more aspect involved with learning how to use your emotions to help you grow.

You need to learn to forgive.

This is going to be equally as challenging, perhaps even more so, because forgiveness is not something that comes easy to many.

Learning how to calm your emotions probably the easier thing to do.

Forgiveness is decidedly harder, but it is a necessary part of the process towards your overall journey to mastering your unhealthy emotions if you want to grow and become the better person you know you can be.

How to Use Your Emotions to Grow

Chapter 8             Are Women More Emotionally Intelligent Than Men?

Oftentimes, people throw around that one gender is more emotionally intelligent than the others for various reasons. However, it is not that simple. You cannot reduce an entire gender into either more or less emotionally intelligent. Those kinds of generalizations would only cause stereotypes that are not necessary. What is true of women and men is that they are often emotionally intelligent in different ways. However, you cannot say that one way is more intelligent than the other. They should both be respected and understood for their differences without labels of one gender being better or smarter.

Women and Emotional Intelligence

Women tend to score better on emotional intelligence tests because they tend to test heavily for empathy. Women typically are more empathetically motivated. Because they are better at empathy, they tend to develop better interpersonal relationships. Empathetic interactions tend to develop far more rapport than interactions lacking in empathy, and because of this, women, who tend to be more empathetic, tend to be more likely to succeed in relationships.

When tested, women tend to score better at empathy, recognizing expressions, and processing general emotions. This implies that they are able to better understand and recognize emotions than men are. Women simply have the right neurochemistry to be more emotionally tuned in. They are better at recognizing faces and understanding social cues around them. They can tell when a frown is meant because of annoyance or sadness. They can hear the slight variance in tone between fear and surprise. They see it all

Women tend to be better teachers, therapists, or leaders because they are constantly empathizing. They see other people and their behaviors and react accordingly. They try to make sure that everyone is taken care of within their circles. They tend to try to nurture those around them, legitimately wanting to better those who surround them and want to ensure that everyone is taken care of. This is in line with the typical biological role of female mammals—the females are responsible for nurturing the children, simply because they are the ones that produce the offspring’s milk. Out of biological necessity, infant mammals tend to stay with their mothers. Their mothers need to be able to empathize enough to keep them biologically motivated to nurture their children.

With that tendency toward empathetic behavior, paired with the woman’s tendency to dwell in emotions, women approach situations entirely differently when contrasted with men. Women root themselves in their emotions, using them to better situations and nurture those around them. They look to their emotions for guidance, but this means that they are also swayed by emotions more. When women face a problem, they tend to allow the emotions to take control of their behaviors, acting empathetically in order to nurture whoever it is they are empathizing with. This is related to a way to alleviate stress called “tend-and-befriend.” When faced with stress, or seeing someone else in distress, women prefer to nurture and use their empathy to solve the problem. This may imply that they are more emotionally intelligent, but remember, understanding and empathizing are only half of what makes up emotional intelligence.

Men and Emotional Intelligence

Men, on the other hand, tend to tune out emotions. They acknowledge what they felt for a moment and then move on to trying to solve the problem. Instead of focusing on emotional cues like women, men look to emotionlessly fix the problem. In considering things without emotions, they are able to deal with problems differently, which can sometimes be beneficial. For example, they may be better at making difficult snap decisions that may be compromised by emotions for women.

Men are better at tolerating watching other people suffer because they do have less capacity for empathy. However, that can also serve an important purpose. Men are able to handle more difficult tasks. They disconnect from their emotions in order to problem solve and doing so can allow for the males, who are typically responsible for protecting their families or packs from others. The lessened empathy benefits men in several roles, allowing them to think calmly about difficult situations.

Since the men did not have to be nearly as attentive to their children in order for them to grow up and contribute to the gene pool, they never really had the biological pressure to push the development of empathy in the same way that women faced. Women with lower empathy levels were less likely to tend to their children, meaning the children with the tendency for lower empathy levels were less likely to live. Women needed to be able to recognize emotion and empathize, but men did not.

Men, with their less emotional, but more technical cognition skills tend to lend themselves better to problem-solving roles in society. They are more likely to go toward jobs such as doctors, police, lawyers, or other jobs in which they need to be able to turn off their emotions in order to do their jobs well. They are simply taking advantage of their biological tendency to shut off their emotions and act without emotions clouding their brains.

The Bottom Line

Ultimately, the brains of both men and women are wired differently. They each are tailored differently, which, of course, can lead to several conflicts. Women may feel as though men are far too detached from their emotions, feeling as though they are unable to get through to the men in their lives when they talk to them about things that are emotionally heavy. They may feel as though the men are refusing to see the problem—that the women are upset, and sometimes, what the women need is someone compassionate to listen and comfort rather than trying to fix the problem.

Men, on the other hand, are far more likely to feel that the women in their lives are behaving too emotionally. They feel like the emotions are given too much sway, though women use them to develop deeper relationships with others. The need for men to focus on rationality and problem-solving makes them feel as though focusing on emotions are a waste of time.

Chapter 9             Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity relates to an individual’s ability to essentially rewrite their brains. Neuro relates to the nervous system or brain, and plasticity relating to how malleable it is. Neuroplasticity then is the ability to reorganize the brain’s synapses, the connection between nerves. It is typically related to people that are actively trying to learn or is relevant when someone has become injured and lost some brain function.

Neuroplasticity is widely studied and constantly changing. It is relevant to a wide range of fields and has numerous applications, ranging from learning, rehabilitating after a brain injury, working with ADHD or other mental health issues, and even in teaching the brain to handle prosthetics or process artificial sensory information, such as using a cochlear implant to allow a deaf child to heal.

What is Neuroplasticity?

Neuroplasticity recognizes that the brain is constantly changing throughout life. It can be changed through learning when you encourage new connections or synapses to form, or it can be changed through a lack of use, in which synapses weaken and eventually fail. When you are seeking to use neuroplasticity to your advantage, you are typically looking at ways to develop and encourage new synaptic development that will allow you to function better.

At one point, it was believed that the brain loses plasticity in adulthood—all of the synapses you would develop were developed in childhood. However, recent studies show that while the brain of a child that is still developing will learn and develop synapses quicker and easier than that of an adult, an adult’s brain is still plastic enough to be changed. You can see this in the rate at which infants and young children attain speech—it takes about three years to develop a functional fluency in speech for a child, but it can take a decade to attain a similar fluency of a new language in adulthood. In adulthood, picking up a language from context out of necessity is far less likely—in fact, in studies on so-called wild children, children who grew up isolated enough to never develop a language naturally eventually lose the ability to do so. One of the most well-known studies on this was of Genie, the “feral child” who was found at age 13 and 7 months without any language acquired after a lifetime of abuse and neglect. She was never fully able to acquire a language with fluency, though she was able to learn to communicate.

This implies that the brain does have certain critical periods for learning things such as a language, but even when those periods have closed, learning still occurs. While Genie never learned to speak fluently, she could still communicate. Different skills and areas of the brain can also be learned at different rates, as shown by Genie developing the ability to read nonverbal communication.

Importance of Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity is important because it implies that learning never stops in healthy brains. While the adult brain is more rigid, it is not hard. It can still create new synapses or rewire itself, allowing for further learning. It can be used to treat brain damage, working with people with learning disabilities who need to learn how to better cope with those learning disabilities, and even to break long wired habits. There are several uses for neuroplasticity, and the possibilities when the skill is mastered are endless.

People who have been brain injured or have suffered a stroke or cancer can relearn skills they have lost. People can learn to walk, talk, write, type, and do virtually anything, so long as there is ample effort to teach and enough of the brain matter was kept intact. Someone who has had a stroke and lost some coordination can still redevelop it in adulthood through various therapies and rehabilitative techniques. This implies that the brain will begin creating new pathways to replace the ones that were destroyed.

Recognizing that the brain is plastic means that people can change. If you have a bad habit, such as yelling, that habit is likely hardwired into your brain. The pathway that links anger to yelling is likely to be far stronger than the pathways connecting your anger to your ability to speak about things rationally and calmly. Even though your gut reaction may be to react through yelling because that is the neuronal path that has been strengthened the most and your body has adjusted to, you can rewire your brain. Through effort and repetition, you can literally retrain your brain. Over time, the synapses you are exercising become stronger. Your reactions can be changed, influenced to no longer be the habituated response.

You can learn how to harness the power of neuroplasticity. You can learn to make it yours in order to take control of your brain. You can rewire your mind if you take the time and energy to do so. Most importantly, however, you can take control of your actions and life by changing your brain and taking advantage of the adaptability and plasticity of the brain.

Part II

Chapter 10     Creating Boundaries

One of the main habits that people with low self-esteem tend to fall into the habit of saying 'yes' too often. These are people pleasers, who either say 'yes' to tasks at work, or 'yes' to family and friends, to things that they within their mind really don't want to do. Before you try to become more assertive, you may have to practice creating and maintaining boundaries with certain people in your life. A lot of people may not know what creating boundaries means, or how to begin doing so. Should you be one of those people, this section will help you take a glance inside and comprehend just what building boundaries might mean to you.

Name Your Limits: First, you need to tune into your mental, emotionally, and possibly spiritual limits. You can't try to build boundaries without recognizing this. Observe yourself, and consider what you can tolerate, and learn to accept the things that make you feel stressed and uncomfortable. Those feelings will help you understand where you limit lie.

Tune into your Feelings: There are several feelings that arise that may be important for helping you to notice when your boundaries are being crossed. The main ones are the sensations of discomfort and resentment. Try to think of these feelings on a continuum from 1 to 10. 10 would act as the higher level of sensation. If you are feeling one of these emotions on the high scale, try to ask yourself what is causing them; what is it about the moment, the interaction, that is making you feel this way? Is it the person, or their expectation? When you first start observing yourself, try to make note of it in your notebook, so you can recall it, should you feel this feeling again. Resentment comes from feeling like you are being taken advantage of, and a sign that you are being pushed beyond the limits you possess. It is also because we feel guilty if we do not grant this request from a person that we care about. We worry that it will affect our relationship with them and that we will no longer be valued.

Be Direct: If you do not have boundaries, and have difficulties being assertive with people, then being direct is going to be hard for you. Depending upon the relationship you have with the person, you have not had to be so direct in dialogue while you are trying to establish these boundaries. But there may be others who are not like you in your life, and of whom you need to be more straight-forward with. An example of this difference may sound something like this: you have no problem having a friendly disagreement with a sibling about politics, while your sister-in-law feels uncomfortable having this discussion. This could be crossing her own personal boundaries. Time, as another example, is a topic within a romantic relationship that may be involved within the conversation of boundaries. Some couples need to have a direct talk about how much time is needed on their own in order to maintain a thorough sense of sense, as well as how much time is needed together to feel intimate.

Give Yourself Permission: When you first begin to instill this habit, it is more than likely that you may feel feelings of guilt, even if you are feeling taken advantage of. You may feel like you are a bad partner, a bad daughter or son while setting boundaries with family members. But try to remember this; setting boundaries is healthy, and a sign of self-respect. If you have never tried to create boundaries for yourself, then those around you may not be used to it, so try to give them time to settle in. If it's easier, you can practice being direct and telling them that you are trying to make boundaries for your own mental health.

Practice Self-Awareness: Self-awareness is going to be key in instilling new habits in general. You have to try to become more aware of how you are feeling, as well as the physical reactions in your body. Try to listen to these occurrences, and not judge or criticize them for existing. If you notice yourself slipping and not maintaining your boundaries, try to maintain observation, and ask yourself some more questions, such as “What is the situation that is making me feel resentful and stressed?” You can then go over your options, what you can proactively do about the situation. Try to focus only on what you have control over.

Consider your Past and Present: If you haven't ever created boundaries, it may be time to look into your past and reflect on how others in your life have affected this influence. If you grew up as the caretaker, you may have grown up thinking that it is your responsibility to take care of others, and thus drain yourself of energy and emotions. Notice this, and accept it. Note now, that you are not going to do that anymore. Try to think about the people you surround yourself with, and how they influence your opinion on setting boundaries. Think about whether or not your important relationships are balanced, give and take. Take a look at your environment as well, such as your work; many work environments expect you to 'go above and beyond', which is often unhealthy. If you are trying to maintain boundaries in your work life, it may appear to others that you are not working 'as hard'. But the truth is, you are trying to take care of yourself. Reflect on how this makes you feel at work.

Make Self-Care a Priority: Self-care is important when trying to instilling boundaries, especially when you are tuning in to your emotions. Putting yourself first requires a lot of mental energy, especially when you are starting off with them in several sections of your life.

Seeking Support: If you are having a hard time setting boundaries, try to seek out support from others, like a good friend or family member. It may be better to seek support from people who are outside the people of whom you are building boundaries with, so they can act as a third party. There are also many self-help books you can use should you want to follow along on your own.

Be Assertive: This strategy will be discussed more extensively in the next section, but it very important to maintain boundaries by being assertive. There are some people who are not used to you acting this way, in favor of your own desires and needs, so you are likely to receive a lot of push back early on. Stick to your guns though, and do your best not to allow them to make you feel guilty. Try to remember this; you are not being selfish or aggressive by letting people know that you are only going to participate in what makes you feel comfortable.

Start Small: Assertively communicating your boundaries is going to feel difficult at first. If trying to create boundaries with your parents, who show up without notice at your apartment on the weekends, feels too large, experts have suggested that it may be best to start smaller. So within your little notebook, write a hierarchy of boundaries, starting with the smallest, least threatening boundary you want to instill into your life. Then slowly work your way up from there, constantly looking through this list should you feel a setback or lack of confidence in the new habit you are instilling.

Chapter 11    The Psychology Behind Changing Your Life

I have read another set of statistics every few months or a report that shows that the majority of people are dissatisfied. About 75% of people appear not to like their work, while a recent survey found that almost 93% of people are concerned about money. But what's your life like never minding the statistics? Want to change your life? Are you someone who is looking for financial freedom? Will you suffer from timidity? Want to be more relaxed, more desirable, more comfortable with yourself? Do you hate your job? Or is it so easy and so difficult to fit into the dress suit that has returned to fashion?! The truth is that if you were able to get a bottle and you had to take three snacks every day, that would change your life, you would be a very wealthy person! It would take almost something like that magic potion though,' as the odd thing is, although we all want to change our lives, we are simultaneously afraid of change. That's just how rough we're wired.

We are habituated, people. That's how we're made. We become vulnerable to what psychologists call habitual by the age of 2 months-yes, months, not years. When we become used to somebody or something, we stop paying attention to it–the media has taken away. And when we were two or three years old, we knew the hazards of seeking new opportunities, new situations, new people. So, as we become' mature' adults, we tie down, fence in, although I don't know many mature adults. We call it our life-but actually it's about life passes.

One of the key effects of the habit is that we stop paying attention to what we do on a regular basis. Everything becomes normal sooner or later, though, and, in the end, we pay no attention. The research essentially suggests that your ability to be happy and successful–of course, I assume that you want to turn your life into a happy and successful life –is directly related to your ability to pay attention.

The consequence of our failure to pay attention and our repetitive behaviour and our belief that there is a risk inherent in new and unknown situation, locks us into an existence that is a pale shadow of the life we should lead. Yet ask the next person how they do, and they're likely to respond, "Not so good joyfully," or "Not so bad." Not too bad is not good enough in my opinion-Why are you frustrated but not unhappy to walk through your life?

You've got a problem, therefore! How will you change your life if you fear change! You shouldn't get upset about this phenomenon-because it's the human condition, it's like us. But that doesn't mean it's the way you have to stay. Why should you live if the pleasure and excitement of a fully lived life is before your own eyes if you go to the trouble to open them? I already stated that we don't pay attention to anything as normal adults. I also said that focus is related to your happiness. You should relearn the knowledge you used as a child to pay attention to what is really happening here and now.

Have you ever heard the well-known saying you have to stop and smell the roses? Okay, that's just what you have to do. The daily routine tumbles the mind-we wander through a senseless existence. To break this psychological loop, you have to hit your senses. Literally, I mean you really must stop and smell the roses. You really must stop in your tracks-call your attention-and face the wonderful truth that actually happens right in front of you. You must see the chances a numb mind can't see. You should know the sincere joy of a particular moment that the ordinary mind finds a routine. You must wake up. You must wake up.

If you wake up, or if you wake up, you will know there is no such thing as fear. And you should freely try the change you want in your everyday life. Once you discover it, you know how easy it really is to change your life. What do I say? What do I mean by this? Okay, your life today is the full product of every little thing that you have done, half-done, or not really completed–going back to the age of eight or nine. Every little thing you ever did in your life brought you to where you now are. The argument is that the little things you do will change your life— not some big scary, frightening-of-life changes you have to make. In other words, there will be nothing to be scared of.

So, here's a quick guide if you want to change your life. Then make small changes. Small changes interrupt your habitude and allow you to begin paying attention to what you do–however, routine, and you might have felt what you do. For example, tonight, you can brush your teeth with the hand you normally don't use. Mess with your brain, you messed up your entire life as an adult–and you were far from the ideal place. You will find yourself mercilessly-yes, I said without effort-if you come to your senses, pay attention to the little things in your life. Start making larger changes that you would otherwise usually fear. And once you begin to change, you are put in a whole new world, which will though always be there, open your eyes to the possibilities and chances of life.

Visualizing Your Thoughts

If people are interested in changing a major life, it can be frightening. Many people are resistant to change because they go through pain-like with the transition. I will share a great tip with you, which will turn that perceived pain into the whole opposite-something that makes you feel great.

It is known as visualization.

It's one of the most effective ways to radically change your life and imagine how you want to live.

I'll give you a warning at the beginning if you are new to this exercise-you might feel uncomfortable in the first place. We were grown up in a world in which it is typically frowned upon to imagine, to dream, or to fantasize about what we want. How many times can you remember daydreaming at school, and the teacher told you to take care?

But what's wrong with visualizing is that it helps to get you to where you want to be. Kids who day-dreamed in school are the same kids who now live the life they dreamed of all those years ago.

Our minds are very powerful. Whenever we have an idea in our mind, it sends our body to the right vibration, and then on that vibration, we act. Our thoughts essentially control our feelings, and our feelings dictate our actions. If you doubt this, look at the economic turmoil which is happening today to so many people. You permitted thoughts of loss and weakness to determine how you felt–lost, confused, and frightened. Now that you are in this unpleasant vibration, you behave in ways that make your life more wanting. You also reduced your expenses. You find yourself in a job, you're unhappy. You can't find a way out because life is missing.

When you didn't feel that terror, you wouldn't be restricted anymore, if you knew that the whole universe was at your fingertips, you would understand that you are responsible for all aspects of your life. You wouldn't be scared of the economy or live in a job you hate. You should know that you only control your life-nobody or anything else. You will know that you own your own money and your own happiness. And you'll think about plentiful, healthy, life-giving ideas, which make you feel these positive emotions and act positively to improve your life.

Have you ever seen in pictures what you think? If we think of anything, we have an image in our minds, and we can see that thought. Think of the automobile you drive, the kitchen in which you eat, or the bed in which you sleep. Think of the inside of a movie theatre, waiting and watching a soccer game at the airport. Those pictures pop into your mind, one after the other all these things can be seen.

This helps us to use this visualizing ability as we think in images. We may take the picture in our mind literally and turn it into a physical form in our universe.

It's crucial to decide what you want. It must be simple. Otherwise, this exercise will not bring you any good results. Unfortunately, you are probably not going to get any results. You really have to sit down and figure out what you want from life and how you want to live all of it. From the house, you want to the friend you want, to the shoes you are wearing, to your everyday lifestyle-take a few minutes to write it all down — the more detail you give this new life image, the better the results.

Now that you have a clear view of the kind of life in which you want to live, it is majestic glory in everything, and you want to burn this image into your mind. Close your eyes and continue to see the vision you have just written down.

See the difference? In both cases, you put your emotions in the frame, which is important for this exercise. Nevertheless, you only want to express constructive, not negative emotions.

The unfiltered thought is your true desire, while the filtered thought is your desire with restrictions. If the image you visualize starts filtering your desire, it will never manifest because you invest negative emotions and visualize the lack rather than focus on positivity and abundance. So be aware that you start doing this and do not get out of control. Remember, your life is in control.

You must be alone with your thoughts to visualize effectively. This is not to be negotiated. So, turn off all distractions-your phone, your television, your radio, your screen-anything that lets your mind wander. You don't want to fight to hear what the world wants to give you.

When you think of your new life, feel it all. Feel good. Feel good. Feel the love. Feel the love. Feel happy about everything in your life. If you want a family, feel like you're ecstatic about having a family. If you want to operate your own company, feel the absolute joy that you can earn your own money, do something that you like to do, at your own time.

Most people imagine themselves as they want to be, and that is 100% wrong. You will always manifest a state of becoming when you imagine yourself. You want to imagine as if you are the person now because that is what is going to be created. Remember when you were a kid and thought that you were a world-class athlete or a renowned dancer? That's the same thing.

You'll want to have this exercise at least once a day for a few minutes-twice as much as you can. You can't believe the energy you unleash when you begin to imagine your new life daily.

In order to recap, you must first define clearly what you want. So, see where you are unshaken and truly feel your true, unfiltered love for this new life. When you finish, you will feel your body in a vibration of positivity and happiness. This sound determines what you do, and the results will be collected. You will change your life faster and easier than you ever thought by visualizing it daily.

Stop Focusing on the Negative

If you want to succeed, it is the first thing you want to do to change your mind. You must be SELF AWARE. Stop concentrating on the negatives and focus solely on the positives. If you get angry, you stay mad as you keep thinking of these negative thoughts. Essentially you add more fuel to the fire to make you angrier. People dwell and focus on all the wrong things that happen, but never stop remembering any of the good things that happen. People are pushing themselves harder and harder, but they never stop pushing themselves.

Saying "positive thought" may sound like a cliché, but most clichés appear to be real. Once you have a bad mind, that's the perfect time to catch it, shift your perspective, and change your mindset.

Whatever you keep trapped in your comfort zone is what you need to change. To change something, you have to do something totally contrary to what your mind tells you. A common example here is that you see people dancing and having fun at a wedding. You want to dance too, but a thought tells you that you would look ridiculous and restrict yourself from doing that. Instead of letting the thought dominate you, remind yourself that you have only one life and that you want to live as your last one. If you believe and feel the raw realities and rationality behind that thinking, your mood and perspective will change. You regain confidence slowly and go back.

You ask yourself and really analyse your own thoughts in order to improve your attitude. Don't think about things but consider whether or not this reasoning is motivated by a logical or autonomous view. If it is an individual view, forget it and focus on the RATIONAL. When you continue to rely on your negative thoughts, you'll question the path to success later. The only way to break a habit is by practising and trying to change your thinking. Anything in your mind that impedes clear thinking will definitely inhibit your progress.

Understand your goal and set yourself a path

Understand your goal and set yourself a course that motivates everyone to drive. Some have children, others have a family, and some just have their own children. If you are to achieve success, the foundations and steps to reach this ultimate goal must be clearly defined. If you want to change your mind, happiness is the only thing that motivates others to drive themselves harder. We have many meanings and ways of achieving happiness, and I like to believe that the aspirations of everyone should be a much larger purpose than money, even if it includes the "feeling of happiness." If you want to support someone other than yourself, you must set clear financial targets to help you get closer to your humanitarian journey. Life has a far greater purpose, and materialism is not and will never be the answer. Find something which drives you, and gradually, you'll begin to change your mind. This is a true success tool.

Once you have built a framework that motivates and moves you forward, your goals must be clearly defined. How will you get there? Each detail must be drawn up to create a road map to your destination. Your goals must be tangible and rational. Don't force yourself forward. When your goals are formed, just remember that you should always do something PRODUCTIVE. Create daily, weekly, and monthly targets to meet consistently. Set long-term goals to help push you and set short-term deadlines that will keep you on track. Do not rest until these targets are met. You have to create a foundation to change your mindset, and finding your course is just the beginning.

Sticking to these targets will be the hard part. Keeping it consistent will be the only way you can establish a routine and discipline; the practice you need to change your thinking.

Focusing on the moment

Focusing on the moment is only a natural part of life. The wonder of all that happens at once always inspires me. You have to have a clear mind to succeed. To do this, you do not have to be thinning — actually, process what's happening NOW. If your thoughts do not spread around you, you feel more in touch with reality and yourself. As you think continuously, your mood starts to be influenced by certain emotions or reactions. This prevents your progress from changing negative thinking because a thought usually triggers negativity. Concentrate on your targets and specific objectives to help you get there, and anything else is turning your focus to the moment. The emphasis is on how real inspiration hits, and it is important to change your mind.

Journal

Journaling is the only way to track your progress. You document and recollect what your conscious and subconscious mind is thinking by journaling. When you have heard that you only use 10% of your brain, imagine what you can reveal by journaling. When you journal, your own shortcomings and negative thoughts can be much clearer. If you are conscious, the mind loops various things, and people usually don't have enough interaction with themselves to be aware of each and every thought that crosses their minds. The purpose of the journaling is to see how your thinking responds to certain events and how you can alter the pattern so that you can create another occurrence, circumstance, feeling, or opportunity in the future and change your thinking.

Journaling is very relaxing. You feel clean and much happier after getting it all out since journaling is a form of self-therapy. Write every day and practice coherence, as ultimately, this will allow you to recognize negative habits and discipline.

Chapter 12     Emotion And Brain

Here are many ways that you can improve your neuroplasticity. The amount of information that is available is outstanding regarding training and strengthening your brain.

“Use it or lose it” may be a mantra that you have heard repeated quite a bit. The research that has been done regarding neuroplasticity and brain disease has shown that keeping up regular mental exercise can not only help your brain forge new neural pathways, but it can also help prevent brain disease such as Alzheimer's disease, and Parkinson's disease. In some cases, regular mental exercise has been shown actually to stop diseases like Alzheimer's from becoming more severe. Studies have also shown that regular mental exercise can prevent disease and even reverse it. If you don't exercise your brain, it will become weaker just as your body becomes weaker if you don't use it.

Mental exercise can give you a 50% less chance of developing a brain disease like Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia. The elderly can especially benefit from mental exercise as it can help the mind stay strong and prevent mental decline that is expected with the aging process. Studies have been conducted with regard to brain training and the elderly. The average senior citizen was able to counteract regression in mental capacity with the use of mental exercise.

Early education has been studied and it was found that people who had higher schools showed less sign of plaque buildup in the brain. Plaque buildup is one physical sign of Alzheimer's disease. Never stop learning, no matter how old you are. Learning new things at any age can help stimulate the production of new neural pathways. It can also encourage other parts of the brain that control cognition and senses. Learning a new activity or taking up a sport at an older age can be awkward and frustrating. However, repeating the task and cementing new neural pathways (and enjoyable old ones) will pay off in the long run.

There is so much information out there regarding brain health, we can break it down into a few points of discussion that are a bit easier to understand. Below we will discuss a few methods of brain training, and the statistics of physical exercise and diet with regard to brain health, and alternative methods of brain strengthening through practices such as meditation.

As you age increase your brain health

Studies have shown that our brain health begins to decline in our mid-forties. This happens to everyone and is just a fact of life with regard to aging. However, we know that the declination doesn't have to go any further. As you age, you must keep yourself physically, mentally, and socially challenged and engaged. It is true that with age brings wisdom; we need to continue to build on the wisdom that we have gathered over the first 40 or so years of our life. Stay engaged in your own thinking by continuing to make your own decisions as you age. When you stop thinking and challenging yourself, that is when cognitive processes begin to decline.

Keep your brain healthy and engaged in smart ways

Staying mentally active throughout your life will protect the aging brain from losing cognitive processes. You can improve your cognitive capacity as you age. You can even rebuild and strengthen cognitive abilities that you may have missed over time. Challenge your brain in new and exciting ways. You can learn techniques to help you focus more on the task at hand and block out distractions. Adopt new ways of thinking and listen to the thoughts of others who are different from your own. Instead of criticizing, think about what can be done to change specific situations. Engage in the novel and challenging tasks every day. If you have always challenged your mind throughout your life, don't stop as you age. Continue to find new challenges. Absorb as much new information you can regarding finance, business, technology and other subjects. Finally, keep your mind engaged by reading, going to lectures, movies, and conversations that you may have.

Use strategy when picking engaging mental activities

Tasks should be chosen because they are beneficial to brain health. Brain training games keep the mind busy, however, for optimal brain health pick tasks that keep you engaged in being independent such as health decision making, planning, solving problems, and reasoning.

Don't focus on little memory glitches

If you forget where you put your keys, or you forget to stop at the grocery store for milk, don't fret. These are minor hiccups that happen every day. Of course, if these problems are affecting your quality of life, then it would be time to see a medical professional. It is true that as we age, the facts that we have learned over the years begin to decline. Basically, don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on the things that your mind has recalled throughout the day. The best form of memory is the one where different ideas are meshed together to create a greater experience. More knowledge is retained this way. To help mesh minds, sit down and write them out, put them into a smartphone diary, or make notes.

Healthy habits overall

Enrich your mind by enriching your entire body. If you have always been an active person, it is imperative to stay physically active. Aerobic exercise helps improve memory functions. Keep up a healthy diet that is rich in beans, nuts, olive oils, vegetables, and healthy proteins. Some great brain foods include blueberries, avocados, whole grains, and wild salmon.

Heart disease is a common cause of memory loss. Also, get plenty of rest. The brain needs at least 8 hours of down time each night. During the brains downtime it consolidates all of the information that it has taken in during the day including new information.

Meditation and Neuroplasticity

Neuroscientists have been studying the effects of meditation on the brain. It turns out that it not only calms the mind, but it can improve brain health.

There have been studies conducted using groups of people who meditate and people who do not meditate. The mediators were found to have a thicker brain cortex. The areas of the brain that deal with attention, sensory processing and interception were especially denser.

Grey matter is neural tissue that is found in the brain and in the spinal cord. White matter is also found in mind. White matter is covered in myelin sheaths that help connect neural pathways and regulate the speed in which information gets from one place to another in our body. Our gray matter passes sensory input to other parts of our bodies. It gathers information from our sensory organs and sends it where it needs to go. For example, if you smell cookies baking, your gray matter grabs that very important information and passes it along to your olfactory nerves so you know cookies are baking and you can act accordingly (definitely, go get a cookie). Studies are done with people who mediate showed that they had an increased gray matter density in the brain stem. Also, the increased gray matter was shown in the hippocampus region of the brain and frontal lobes especially, the areas that regulate emotion and response control. Mindfulness also increased the amount of gray matter in the brain.

The correlation between meditation and neuroplasticity has been studied. One of the best known studies was conducted by neuroscientists from Harvard University and the University of Wisconsin. In cooperation with the Dalai Lama, they studied the effects of meditation on the brain. The results showed that meditation resulted in increased levels of brain activity in the regions that control anger, attention, anxiety, depression, and fear, and in the part of the brain that gives the body the ability to heal itself. It was concluded that these changes might be caused by neuroplastic changes in the brain over many years of the practice of meditation.

Brain Training Games

To sharpen your brain you must know the correct areas to train. Brain Training websites and games, like Luminosity.com offer games that are available on your laptop, mobile device, tablet, and computer. These games are designed to specifically work toward testing and strengthening memory, verbal reasoning, concentration, and spatial awareness. Many schools in the United States are now using software that includes brain training games.

The goal of brain, training games is to keep the brain healthy, alert, and learning from early adulthood into our twilight years. The hope is to stave off brain diseases such as Alzheimer's disease and other types of age-related dementia.

These mentally simulating activities keep your brain challenged and are great for your mind. They go hand in hand with reading, playing cards, and playing musical instruments. The New England Journal of Medicine found that seniors who participated in challenging activities daily for 20 years or more reduced their chances of dementia by 63%. Crossword puzzles, Sudoku, brain puzzles, brainteasers, and brain training exercises can be found everywhere on the internet on several different websites.

Video Gaming and Neuroplasticity

Video games have been seen as mindless activities ever since the advent of the first gaming system. However, can playing video games help train the brain? Games such as Brain Age and others have come to the forefront as family games that can train the mind.

Studies have been done regarding elderly brains and playing video games. In one study, aging patients 60 years of age and older were put together to play the real-time strategy game Rise of Nations. They played the game for eight weeks, six times a week. Some gaming sessions took place at the patient’s home while others took place in the lab where the brain activity could be logged. It was found that functional connectivity increased in several parts of the brain. There was also an increase inaccurate answers to a test called the “everyday problems test” that was given after some time playing Rise of Nations. Studies have shown that playing video games can increase hand/eye coordination, increase problem solving skills and can be used to improve focus and attention.

Another study that took place showed that playing games can increase the amount of gray matter in the brain. These results are helping develop more treatments for diseases such as Alzheimer's disease, Post Traumatic Stress Disorders and other psychiatric disorders. A research team from Berlin placed a group of adults together to play Super Mario 64 for 30 minutes a day over a period of two months. This group was compared with a group who did not play the games. After two months of playing, MRI's were conducted on the participants and it was found that gray matter had increased in the brains of the players. They also exhibited neuroplastic changes in the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory, and the prefrontal cortex of the brain that works with strategic planning and executive functioning. The cerebellum, which is in charge of motor control, also showed changes. The increase in the gray matter also correlated to the amount of time that they wanted to play the game. These findings support alternative treatment options and brain health programs.

Learn Something New

Learning new things can help build new neural pathways. You are never too old to learn something that you may have always wanted to do. If you always wanted to learn to play the violin but you didn't have the time because of family obligations, or job obligations, see if how you might be able to make time. It may take a bit longer for you to learn because of age, but perseverance will prevail, and your brain will gain a new amount of knowledge and new neural pathways. With every new piece of music, you learn, the more pathways that begin to develop.

Many therapists who are treating patients with anxiety and depression have heard from them how they wished they finished their educations, whether they be high school or college. Therapists are encouraging these patients to push forward and get their degrees. When patients express their fears regarding passing courses, such as math and English, they still encourage them to move forward with tutors and any other type of help they can get in order to retrain their brains to learn these subjects in new ways. Some people have problems understanding math in the way that it was originally taught to them. They may have always struggled with it. However, with the invention of new ways to learn and the understanding that people learn differently, it is possible to retrain the brain to learn old subjects in a new way. It can be tough; however, their patients are persevering and receiving their degrees in record numbers with fresh courage and hope to continue on the path to learning.

Chapter 13     Automatic And Intrusive Thoughts

The architect of cognitive behavioral therapy, Aaron Beck, emphasized that automatic thoughts play a huge role in our feelings. Automatic thoughts are merely emotion-filled thoughts that are elicited by a trigger such as an event or an action. They are called automatic because you have no conscious knowledge of them taking place.

Automatic thoughts can be advantageous. For instance, you might be driving and then it starts raining heavily. An automatic thought will pop into your mind, Please be careful! This will cause you to be anxious and drive with much caution.

Sadly, automatic thoughts can be the bearers of negativity, especially for people who struggle with mental and emotional health issues. For instance, an anxious person might see a frowning person looking in their direction, and they will automatically think, That person hates me! This will cause them to worry and feel sad needlessly, and they couldn’t be further from the truth, considering that the frowning person might just be battling stomach pains.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is concerned with unraveling the automatic thoughts that contribute to negativity in an individual’s mind. Once a person understands their automatic thoughts, they are empowered to get rid of their negativity.

The underlying philosophy of cognitive behavioral therapy is that thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are entangled in a multifaceted camaraderie. Considering the huge role that thoughts play in shaping our feelings and behaviors, we have to alter our thought patterns if we are to modify our feelings or behaviors.

The ABC Model of Emotions

A: Event: Boyfriend doesn’t pick up your call.

B: Thought: This is awful! My boyfriend is mad at me! Maybe he wants to dump me!

C: Feelings: Anxiety takes over. The heart knocks on your chest. You get stressed.

We have all experienced an event that triggered a negative thinking pattern. However, as much as we cannot control the things that happen, we can control how we respond to them.

Characteristic of Negative Automatic Thoughts

Short and simple: An automatic thought is expressed in short phrases. This creates more impact. For instance, if you’re driving at night and your headlights die out, you will automatically think, I’m in trouble! and not something like, Now the headlights are dead, and I have about 30 miles to cover!

Always believed: Automatic thoughts pop into our minds, and we believe them at once. We never stop to question their validity. For this reason, automatic thoughts are very powerful. If you are to overcome your negative thought pattern, you surely have to challenge the authenticity of your automatic thoughts.

They worsen the situation: An automatic thought rides on the wings of fear. When an automatic thought pops into your mind, the dreadfulness goes up. For instance, if you were driving in a lonely part of the road at night and your car dies down, at first you will become afraid, and then anxious, and then panic attacks. The fear factor builds up. The difference between automatic thoughts and intrusive thoughts is that automatic thoughts at least have a trigger. Intrusive thoughts pop into your mind out of thin air.

Intrusive thoughts pop into your mind without any warning, and their nature is often alarming or disturbing. Almost everyone finds themselves having intrusive thoughts. However, some people have a difficult time pushing away these thoughts once they appear.

What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?

Some psychologists believe that when an intrusive thought appears in a recurring fashion, it indicates that there’s a problem touching upon the subject. For instance, if you keep receiving intrusive thoughts that depict naked people having sex, perhaps it’s your mind trying to get you to look for sex.

Although the scientific world has no real evidence to point to the origin of intrusive thoughts, another big concern is their sticky nature. For constant sufferers of intrusive thoughts, it can be hard to get rid of them. It doesn’t matter whether you choose to ignore them or not, they just keep hanging in the back of your mind until you pay them attention.

If you find yourself having to deal with violent, degrading or strange intrusive thoughts on a regular basis, then you are facing a major mental health issue. The two most common disorders associated with intrusive thoughts are anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Additionally, intrusive thoughts may be indicative of depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder.

Having the occasional intrusive thought is totally normal. However, if you experience recurring intrusive thoughts or you get stuck on your intrusive thoughts, you may be suffering from a mental or emotional health issue.

Intrusive Thoughts and Anxiety

People battling anxiety have to struggle with unwanted thoughts popping into their mind. Sometimes, your intrusive thoughts may be informed by the nature of your anxiety. For instance, people with generalized anxiety have a tendency of receiving intrusive thoughts involving one of their loved ones, whereas, people with social phobias tend to receive intrusive thoughts that remind them of a moment they embarrassed themselves.

Intrusive Thoughts and OCD

Every sufferer of obsessive-compulsive disorder battles a severe form of intrusive thoughts. It leads to the sufferer having a negative evaluation of thoughts. This is basically a person thinking that something is wrong with them for having such intrusive thoughts. People with OCD are extremely distressed about intrusive thoughts, and in their bid to get rid of these thoughts, they fall into an even worse state.

Intrusive Thoughts and Depression

Repetitive, intrusive thoughts often lead to depression. And this is especially the case when the thoughts are of a depressing nature. The following are some of the intrusive thoughts a depressed person might have:

Extreme self-evaluation

Always expecting the worst

Ruminating over a potentially negative outcome

Overthinking

Mind-reading others

Creating hills out of anthills

Always assuming the worst

Chapter 14     Positive Affirmation

Listed below are some example affirmations. These could be useful as you start to craft your own positive, personal belief statements, to inspire, motivate, or encourage you. You could use them as they are, adapt them to suit your own purposes, or simply let them germinate fresh ideas in your mind.

Affirmations For Wellbeing

2. ‘I accept peace, joy, and love into my heart.’

3. ‘I am safe and well, and blessed with this life.’

4. ‘I feel balanced, and have complete inner calm.’

5. ‘Good health and wellness is a lifestyle choice for me.’

6. ‘With each step I take, I feel better and better, both inside and out.’

7. ‘I enjoy a peaceful balance in my mind, body and spirit.’

8. ‘I am responsible for my well-being.’

9. ‘All is well with my life.’

10. I love and accept myself now.

11. I love moving my body and being more active.

12. I am strong, healthy, and slim.

13. I love finding ways to get more active.

14. I listen to what my body tells me it needs, with love.

15. Exercising makes me feel great about myself. With every workout, I enjoy it more.

16. I am full of vitality and energy. I count. I am enough.

17. I feel safe. I am at peace with myself. I easily release all the fat from my body.

18. I accept and deeply love myself. I burn fat. I will let my fit and trim self-emerge.

19. My vitality, energy, and health are increasing with each breath I take.

Affirmations for Healthy Eating

20. I love to eat vegetables.

21. I naturally eat foods that are healthy.

22. I am a naturally healthy eater.

23. I find it extremely easy to eat a healthy and nutritious diet.

24. I am easily able to resist the temptation of chocolate.

25. I am going to be free from chocolate addiction.

26. I love eating healthy snacks.

27. When I crave chocolate, it only makes my willpower stronger.

28. I find that I can easily say no to chocolate.

29. I make sure to fuel my body with only the best healthy foods.

30. I am fully and completely satisfied with the proper amount of food that I eat.

31. I am drawn to foods and resources that are supportive for my body.

32. I find it easy to say no to foods that are not healthy for me.

33. I enjoy eating fruits and vegetables.

34. All of my eating choices are healthy in order to support my healthy metabolism.

35. Others view me as a person who is naturally thin and can easily burn calories.

36. I am able to control my metabolic rate with the power of my mind.

37. I am making use of the power of my subconscious mind in order to influence my metabolic rate.

38. My metabolism is naturally healthy and fast.

39. I burn calories in an efficient manner.

40. My metabolic rate is always on the incline.

41. I find it extremely easy to control my metabolism.

42. My mind and my metabolism are always in sync, naturally.

43. I have a naturally quick metabolism.

44. I am in complete control even when I experience a chocolate crabbing.

45. I always make sure that I fuel my body with only the healthiest of foods.

46. It is very important to me that I take control of my eating habits.

47. Dieting is something that comes very naturally to me.

48. I love how a feel when I successfully complete a diet.

49. I enjoy dieting.

50. I find that I am naturally motivated to eat in a healthy manner.

51. I make sure that the way I eat sets a good example for the rest of my family.

52. I love when I get to have meals that are full of fresh fruits and vegetables.

53. I make sure that I take care of my entire body by keeping fueled with only the freshest of whole foods.

54. I find it extremely easy to maintain discipline when I am faced with a temptation of junk food.

55. It is very important to me that I am able to get my chocolate addiction under control.

56. Taking care of my body and eating in a healthy manner is extremely important to me.

57. I am the type of person who can easily avoid junk and processed foods.

58. I find that I naturally crave fresh whole foods.

59. Eating healthy is something that comes naturally to me.

60. I am fully devoted to my decision to quit eating chocolate.

61. My relationship with food is something that is healthy and natural.

62. By taking control of my impulses, I am able to defeat my comfort eating.

63. Setting a regular meal time for my meals and sticking to those times is a normal part of my life.

64. I know that food isn’t the solution to emotional stress.

65. I naturally quit eating once I am no longer hungry.

66. I don’t eat when I am full.

67. I am always wary when I have a pure desire to eat.

68. I can simply and easily overcome hunger.

69. I always make sure that I monitor my eating habits.

70. I am naturally in complete control of my food intake.

71. I stay aware of all of my eating habits, bad and good.

72. I naturally know when I should quit eating.

73. I am naturally satisfied when I stick to my eating routine.

74. I have complete control of the things I eat and when I eat them.

Affirmations For Health

75. ‘I love the way I feel when I take complete care of myself.’

76. ‘Today, I love and respect my body, knowing I am doing my best to keep it healthy.’

77. ‘I am ready to be healthy.’

78. ‘I only act in the best interests of my body.’

79. ‘I choose good health and vitality.’

80. ‘I will sleep well tonight, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world.’

81. ‘My body works hard for me, and I work hard to keep it healthy.’

82. ‘I am learning to conquer my anxiety and feel calmer each day.’

83. I am completely grateful now that I have reached my ideal weight.

84. I am going to make myself proud.

85. I have chosen to be more energetic, happy, and slim.

86. I am able to burn off excess body fat easily.

87. My metabolism rate is at its optimum, and it helps me when it comes to reaching my weight loss goals.

88. My metabolism is at its best when I work out and exercise on a regular basis, and I become fitter and leaner.

89. I love getting up for my workouts each day because they make me feel energetic.

90. Every single day my body is becoming more and more muscular and fit.

91. With every single shoulder press that I do, I become more muscular and healthier.

92. My stamina increases with every step that I take.

93. I can do anything.

94. Reaching my weight loss goals gets easier each day.

95. I have people around me who support and encourage me.

96. I focus on feeling good about myself all the time.

97. Getting fit gives me a positive outlook on life.

98. I love that my clothes are starting to get loose on me.

99. Fitness is starting to be a part of me that I enjoy.

100. I can look around me and find people who are excited about losing weight.

101. A slimmer me is emerging joyfully.

102. Losing weight is making me feel more comfortable and confident in my own skin.

103. It is easy to find fast ways to burn calories each day.

104. My body is getting fit and firm, and it is thriving.

105. I am celebrating the joy of feeling more attractive, alive, and vital.

106. I believe in myself.

107. Each day I am feeling more energetic, slimmer, and lighter.

108. I love that I have committed to do good things for my body.

109. I am choosing progress over perfection and I’m at peace.

110. I deserve to live a life that is healthy and happy.

111. I am letting go of all the urges to criticize my body.

112. My metabolism rate helps me reach my ideal weight because it’s at the optimum level.

113. I can reach my weight loss goals, and I won’t allow anything to stay in my way.

114. I feel that my body is losing weight every moment of every day.

115. I am getting closer to my ideal weight every day.

116. I will reach and keep my desired weight.

117. I am able to do this, I will do this, and my body is losing weight at this moment.

118. My mind and body are healing.

119. I am exercising and taking care of my body each day.

120. My body and health are improving more each day.

121. I am getting thinner each day.

122. I am a green, lean, clean eating machine.

123. My metabolism is very fast.

124. I am reaching my ideal weight fast.

125. I deserve to look and feel healthy.

126. I will and I can.

127. I am enough.

128. Losing weight is fun.

129. I take care of my body.

130. I am determined.

Affirmations For Healing

131. ‘I allow healthy, healing energy to enter my body.’

132. ‘I give myself permission to heal and feel well again.’

133. ‘My strength grows, and my body heals, with every step I take.’

134. ‘I acknowledge my fears. I am learning to conquer them, so I can enjoy life to the fullest.’

135. ‘I breathe in healing energy, and allow the energy to make every cell in my body healthy.’

136. ‘I forgive those who have hurt me in the past, and more forward with a positive attitude.’

137. ‘My energy, health and vitality are expanding every day.’

138. ‘My body has an amazing capacity for healing.’

139. ‘My scars are healed. I am well.’

140. Affirmations For Happiness

141. ‘I accept positivity into my life.’

142. ‘Success in life is being happy with myself.’

143. ‘I love myself and allow others to love me, too.’

144. ‘I don’t need to be perfect, I just enjoy being me.’

145. ‘I attract only good things/positive people into my life.’

146. ‘This will be a beautiful day, full of happy surprises.’

147. ‘As I sleep, I release all negativity, and only have thoughts of happy, joyous times, people, and places.’

148. ‘I see opportunities for growth and fulfillment everywhere.’

149. ‘I love my smile and want to share it with the world.’

150. ‘Today, I choose to be happy.’

151. “I am already happy and have everything I need to be happy.”

152. “I am able to be happy even when being challenged.”

153. “I am living a life of purpose and happiness.”

154. “I am happy even in hard times.”

155. “I am receiving limitless support from the Universe to help me grow happiness in and around me.”

156. “I am free from hardships and instead experience moments that enhance my joy.”

157. “I am calm, connected, and excited about my journey to happiness.”

158. “I am excited and open to happiness in my life.”

159. “I am surrounded by wonderful people who want me to be happy and believe in my happiness.”

160. “I am succeeding in my pursuit of happiness.”

161. “I am facing situations that lead to happiness.”

162. “I am thankful for my happiness and contributions.”

163. “I am positive and happy.”

164. “I am creating a happy and fulfilled life.”

165. “I am happy and grateful for my happiness and success.”

166. “I am content and satisfied with my happiness.”

167. “I am happy and thankful for every accomplishment and take time to celebrate everything.”

168. “I am a naturally confident, assured, and strong individual that contributes positively to all the lives around me.”

169. “I am becoming happier and happier with each passing moment.”

170. "I am a leader to others on their quest for happiness."

171. “I am creating a positive change to my happiness with courage and strength.”

172. "I am passionate about my journey toward happiness."

173. “I am creating more happiness, joy, contentment, and gratefulness.”

174. “I am providing more happiness to the Universe and my community.”

175. “I am a valuable contributor to happiness.”

176. “I rely on my personal abilities to be happy.”

177. “I am amazing, and all my actions lead to increases in my happiness.”

178. “I am happy and free because I am me.”

179. “I am prepared for a day full of happiness.”

180. “I am learning and creating my life to be purposeful, happy, and free.”

181. “I bring success and happiness to me with each intention and action I take.”

182. “I am constantly developing, and this brings more happiness to me.”

183. “I believe in the journey towards happiness.”

184. “I am innately happy all the time.”

185. “I am full of energy, success, and happiness.”

186. “I am an example to others on how to spread happiness

187. “I am encircled by community and circumstances that provide more happiness in my life.”

188. “I am living a happy life by being my true self.”

189. “I am certain about my purpose and path.”

190. “I am accepting all the happiness that is coming to me.”

191. “I am journeying forward toward my happiness through my intentions and actions.”

192. “I am creating a positive and happy life through healthy habits.”

193. “I am prepared to accept the amazing opportunities coming to me for my happiness.”

194. “I am capable of overcoming obstacles to happiness.”

195. “I am creating a life founded on my own happiness, and filled with joy and purpose.”

196. “I am adding to the happiness of the Universe.”

197. “I am bringing more happiness to me.”

198. “I am bringing my happiness to me, along with success, contentment, and joy.”

199. “I am an unmovable force of happiness.”

200. “I am loving this happy life!”

201. "I am dedicated to happiness, and this opens up more opportunity for happiness to me."

202. “I am thankful and thrilled to pursue my happiness and enjoy watching it blossom.”

203. “I am constantly receiving happy and wonderful gifts.”

204. “I am a naturally and enthusiastically happy person.”

205. "I am ready to accept the opportunity, and this brings more happiness and opportunity to me."

206. “I am full of life and energy thanks to my happiness.”

207. “I am an amazing person who offers great things to the Universe.”

208. “I am deserving of happiness, success, and contentment.”

209. “I love who I am and my real self.”

210. “I am balanced and purposeful.”

211. “I am motivated to be happy.”

212. “I am happy being my true self.”

213. “I am the center for happiness, joy, and love.”

214. “I am grateful for all my past and current happiness. I look forward to my future happiness too.”

215. “I am bringing more happiness to my life through my positive actions and intentions.”

216. I do not criticize those who think differently than I do, it is their choice

217. We all have choices and my choices are success and happiness

218. Being happy breeds success

219. If success is a trick I guess I’m a magician

220. Nothing eludes me that can make me more successful

221. I radiate success because I can’t help it

222. Never again will I be less successful than I am right now

223. I am always moving in a forward positive direction

224. I know the road to success and all of its shortcuts

225. For me success is like looking for an address, I eventually find it if I don’t give up

226. I know the only way for me to fail is to stop trying

227. If I never give up I will always succeed no matter what it is I’m pursuing

228. Life became successful for me once I changed my thinking

229. My happiness is really nothing more than a frame of mind

230. I live to laugh and laugh to live

231. Knowing that I am as successful as I want to be is a huge burden off my shoulders

232. I am large and in charge of my thoughts and my life

233. Life is what I think it to be

234. I succeed at things because that is my attitude going in

235. I have so many happy thoughts a day they spillover to the next day

236. My mind is set each morning that I will succeed that day

237. Without thought control I am a pinball to circumstance

238. I make my own life by making choices to think only good things

239. My thoughts are always in rhythm with my goals

240. I deter from thinking anything that reflects negativity

241. To have good things happen to me I have to think good things

242. If I’m honest, only positive thoughts feel normal to me

243. Thinking negative goes against every fiber of my being

244. I’m a productive human being when I’m in a positive frame of mind

245. To know myself is to know all measures of success

246. I can say I am completely happy the person I am today

247. I can only improve when I work on myself

248. I don’t try to change others I only set by example

249. I am kind and considerate to everyone I meet

250. I stand with pride and confidence when shaking hands with someone

251. I look people in the eyes when meeting them

252. I am proud to be me and no one can take that away

253. When I reach a new level of success I always reflect on what got me there

254. What used to seem unachievable is now within grasp

255. I have succeeded in everything I have attempted to do

256. I will not waiver from thinking positive ever again

257. It is my faith that carves the path to my success

258. All is the way it should be when my thoughts are worthy

259. If I can help someone that asks for help I am more than happy to

260. My spirit is glowing with happiness more than ever

261. I have so much faith that all things good for me will come

262. To know me is to know pure happiness

263. I show the world how happy I can really be

264. Me being happy with my life is a testament to positive thinking

265. I do not let others control what happens to me

266. I make my own circumstances by attracting positive frequencies

267. No harm can come to my family or me when I am thinking only good

268. Now that I know the key to success, I will not stop striving forward

269. My soul is full of pure joy and nothing can take that from me

270. I have tears in my eyes for all I have suffered but I am grateful for life’s lessons

271. I respect life and the universe and do not try to take advantage

272. I only think upon positive things for me and for others

273. I achieve the amount of success I wish to

274. Believing in myself has given me new hope and happiness

275. Success is mirrored by my thoughts

276. I cannot control the thoughts of others nor is it my place

277. I only practice self-development and self-success

278. I do not worry about what others do; it is their own making

279. I focus on my own development because that is what matters most

280. I learn from others and take away what I can from all situations

281. I stop once in awhile to smell the roses and enjoy life

282. My life is what I make it and only what I make it

283. I have learned more about myself by monitoring my thoughts

284. Everything positive in my life is directly from a positive thought

285. My love for life is apparent to everyone because I do not hide it

286. I am grateful for my happy and healthy spirit

287. I send my love out to the universe through my feelings of gratefulness

288. The person I am today is a better person than yesterday

289. I read affirmations everyday to achieve continued success and happiness

290. Thank you for reading! I know success and happiness will find its way to you.

Affirmations For Success

291. ‘I expect success.’

292. ‘There are no limits to what I can achieve.’

293. ‘Each day is a new opportunity to achieve something amazing.’

294. ‘My goals are important to me; I won’t let fear hold me back.’

295. ‘I remove all distractions and obstacles from my path to success.’

296. ‘I am proud of myself for my efforts and accomplishments.’

297. ‘I give my energy to what I can achieve right now.’

298. ‘I trust that my efforts are being rewarded.’

299. ‘I am responsible for my own success.’

300. I give thanks for my wealth, success and abundance.

301. I create money miracles.

302. I love giving and I love receiving.

303. I feel inspired to make money every day.

304. I am able to freely express my money making ideas.

305. I am rich and powerful.

306. I am able to easily train my thoughts on abundance.

307. My wallet is overflowing with money.

308. I am an abundant person.

309. Financial abundance is mine for the taking.

310. Financial abundance is mine and I accept it now.

311. I always have more than enough money.

312. I always find ways to make large sums of money.

313. I am focused on achieving wealth and success.

314. Every day in every way I am becoming wealthier.

315. My bank account is always growing.

316. I find it easy to attract money into my life.

317. I naturally attract great wealth into my life.

318. I am highly focused on achieving financial success.

319. My mind is in harmony with the energies that create wealth and abundance.

320. I am getting more and more used to the idea of being wealthy.

321. My financial situation improves on a daily basis.

322. Money appears in my life through many channels, and in harmonious ways.

323. I attract many lucrative circumstances into my life.

324. All the money I spend brings me joy and happiness.

325. Financial freedom makes me feel content and secure.

326. I live in an abundant universe that constantly supplies me with everything I need.

327. I am the creator of my own success.

328. I am living an abundant, rich life.

329. Having money makes me feel great.

330. I release all resistance to money.

331. I enjoy being wealthy.

332. I am getting more and more prosperous as each day passes.

333. There is a wealth of abundance available to me and I accept it now.

334. An abundance of money is always circulating in my life.

335. I always have more money coming into my bank account than going out.

336. I accept money from all positive sources.

337. I am debt free.

338. My money consciousness is always increasing.

339. I am surrounded by money.

340. I allow money to flow into my life consistently and easily.

341. I am grateful for all the money I have.

342. I put 100% of my energy into my financial goals.

343. I am open and willing to receive wealth in all of its forms.

344. I am gracious for the wealth and success I have in my life.

345. I enjoy making money and strive to have fun in every aspect of my work.

346. People love to give me money.

347. I am earning a fantastic income doing what makes me very happy.

348. All of my bills are fully paid each month with more than enough left over.

349. A lot of money is coming to me today, and I deserve it.

350. I spend money wisely and happily, blessing myself and others.

351. I am richly paid for the work that I do.

352. I always make smart financial decisions.

353. I give generously to myself and others.

354. I run a very successful business.

355. My business grows stronger every day.

356. I attract dozens of paying customers through my door every day.

357. I have several successful businesses.

358. I have a great business mind.

359. My business grows from strength to strength.

360. My business is very profitable and lucrative.

361. My business makes me a lot of money.

362. I love the financial freedom my successful business provides.

363. Running my successful business fills me with excitement each day.

364. I attract successful businesses into my life.

365. I always win major business contracts.

366. I have excellent business contacts.

367. I run my business easily and effortlessly.

368. My business always makes a profit.

369. My successful businesses always take me to beautiful countries around the world.

370. I run a successful company from the comfort of my own home.

371. My company is profitable and successful.

372. I am a successful businessman/woman.

373. My employees help to make my business the success that it is.

374. The source of the universe is rich and opulence, therefore so am I!

375. The more positive attention I give to wealth; the more wealth I attract!

376. Money is energy, and I am filled with the energy of money!

377. My thoughts are always attuned to wealth and abundance!

378. I have the ability to be as successful as I want to be!

379. I trust that I am always guided to obtain prosperity!

380. I am intuitively guided to wealth and prosperity!

381. The more money I attain; the more opportunities I seem to attract!

382. I am the king/queen of passive income!

383. I am a master of finance!

384. I always have loads of disposable income!

385. God/The Universe is my source of supply; therefore, I am unlimited!

386. The more money I have, the more service I can provide to the masses!

387. I choose my life, so I CHOOSE to be wealthy!

388. I love paying all my bills on time!

389. I am grateful for all my multiple streams of income!

390. The more gratitude I feel; the more prosperity I attain!

391. I was prosperous, am prosperous and will always be prosperous!

392. I always have whatever I need.  The Universe takes good care of me!

393. I am a magnet for money.  Prosperity of every kind is drawn to me!

394. I love prosperity and I attract it naturally!

395. My income is constantly increasing and I prosper wherever I turn!

396. I spend/circulate money under direct inspiration wisely and fearlessly, knowing my supply is endless and immediate!

397. I am fearless in letting money go out, knowing God is my immediate and endless supply!

398. I now release the gold-mine within me.  I am linked with an endless golden stream of prosperity which comes to me under grace in perfect ways!

399. Every day in every way I am becoming more prosperous!

400. I am open and receptive to all the abundance in the universe!

401. My financial abundance overflows today!

402. I was destined to be prosperous.  I have abundance to share and spare!

403. Every day in every way, my wealth is increasing!

404. I am thankful for the abundance and prosperity in my life!

405. Today is rich with opportunities and I open my heart to receive them!

406. My attitude towards money is becoming more positive with each day!

407. I deserve to be wealthy and have financial freedom!

408. I find it easy to think positively about money!

409. Each day I am becoming more and more financially healthy!

410. I am a master at investing my money!

411. My financial investments are always doubling!

412. Every day in every way, my wealth is increasing!

413. Financial opportunities are always arriving in my life!

414. Abundance within me, abundance around me!

415. Every day is a wealthy day!

Affirmations For Letting Go

416. ‘I relinquish anger and resentment.’

417. ‘I release all ties that bind me to past issues and hurts.’

418. ‘I willingly let go of the old fearful me, and welcome the new confident me.’

419. ‘I let go of any resistance to health and healing, and only act in the best interests of my body.’

420. ‘I no longer allow negative thoughts or limiting beliefs to prevent me from enjoying life.’

421. ‘Fear is only a feeling; it cannot stop me achieving my heart’s desire.’

422. ‘I willingly accept change, releasing old negative habits.’

423. ‘I let go of self-doubt and love my unique qualities’

424. ‘Today, I release fear and open my heart to love.’

Affirmations For Self-Worth

425. ‘I’m okay just as I am. I’m grateful to be me.’

426. ‘I know I am capable of making great things happen in my life.’

427. ‘I have the power to choose, to say no, to say yes, to take control.’

428. ‘I am ready to express my thoughts and feelings to others, without fear of judgment or criticism.’

429. ‘I accept myself unconditionally. I don’t need others approval, only to know I’ve done my best.’

430. ‘I focus on the best in everyone and everything, knowing they see the best in me as well.’

431. ‘I have the courage to face challenges and find solutions to any problem.’

432. ‘My talents and strengths can make a positive difference to the world.’

433. ‘I give thanks to myself for what I’ve achieved today.’

434. ‘I choose to be strong and confident.’

435. I only take part in activities that bring me joy and improve my outlook or abilities.

436. Today will be better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today.

437. I am excited to try new things and seek self-development.

438. I push others to become their best selves and support them on their journeys just like how they support me on mine.

439. I make sure that there is at least one task that I have accomplished every day.

440. I know how to manage my money wisely and keep savings aside for the future and in cases of emergency.

441. I opt to relax in the evening and stay away from distracting things, such as phones and gadgets.

442. I always start my day right and wake up on the right side of the bed.

443. I let myself cry sometimes, especially when most needed; I do not have to bottle up my emotions and keep a brave face.

444. I will cry when I have to cry, and start afresh afterward.

445. I never fail to keep myself healthy and fit through exercise and a healthy diet.

446. I encourage others to stay fit and healthy.

447. I use meditation and mindfulness to have a relaxed and peaceful mind.

448. If my body and mind is peaceful and calm, it will radiate out of my body and surroundings.

449. I am focusing my mind and all of my power on the present moment.

450. I remain calm, especially in times of stress, because I know that nothing good will happen out of panic and anxiety.

451. Whenever I feel angry, I try my hardest to calm myself down.

452. I do not lose control because I remain calm under pressure; I only have to acknowledge that I am angry and let it all mellow down.

453. Whenever I feel angry, I make myself more productive so that all my anger becomes good results.

454. I forgive and forget because I want to live a happier life.

455. I have no problem confronting others and telling them what I really feel.

456. I enjoy a good joke and am always a good sport.

457. If I know that I am right, there is nothing and no one that can stop me.

458. I feel fear because fear is still a great character of a true leader; without it, overconfidence in yourself will keep you blind.

459. I solve my issues logically and realistically.

460. Good things will come out of peace and calmness.

461. I do not let stress and anxiety overwhelm me.

462. I am calm and relaxed when something does not go my way.

463. I love to live in the moment because if I worry too much about the future, I will no longer live a happy life.

464. I keep all the life lessons I accumulated and use them wisely.

465. If I live my life the right way, I will not worry about regrets and pain.

466. I am sensitive to the feelings of those around me.

467. I can understand and empathize with other people’s feeling.

468. I believe that I can control what I feel under all circumstances.

469. I love adventure and like to face it head-on.

470. I always look forward in every journey because then I see things in a new way.

471. I know that I am blessed and have something to share with others, especially those who are less fortunate.

472. I am happy being alone and it doesn’t make me lonely; it is not the same in definition.

473. I enjoy some alone time because then I can collect and reflect on my thoughts.

474. I can enjoy things even if I am alone; I am confident that I can make and do things without the help of others.

475. I don’t let negativity affect me because, if I do, I will only be on the loser’s end.

476. I can be successful in my own right, especially if I work hard.

477. I know that I will be successful financially because I believe in myself.

478. I always spend my money wisely because it is hard-earned.

479. I am confident that I can handle my finances and save for the future.

480. I contribute sincerely to make the world a better place.

481. I can always think of new ideas because of my creativity.

482. I can get what I want when I put my will into it.

483. All the things I do, I do passionately.

484. With every storm comes a rainbow.

485. I know how to think outside the box.

486. People are always interested in me.

487. If I have a positive mind, all blessings will come.

488. I concentrate on things that are within my control.

489. I plan whatever is the next priority to do.

490. I know what things I can control and what I cannot.

491. I still enjoy vacation time.

492. I face my problems calmly and with an open mind.

493. Every day that passes means that I have gained a day of wisdom and experience.

494. I give myself permission to have high expectations of myself because I know I will meet them.

495. There are no “do nothing days”; I will accomplish at least one task every day.

496. I make small adjustments in my everyday life that will lead to vast improvements in my future.

497. I always choose quiet and calming activities in the evening.

498. I find it easy to get up out of bed and start my day.

499. I am someone who is easily motivated by my drive and my goals.

500. I know that pain is temporary and that it will pass.

501. I love to exercise every single day and look forward to staying energetic all the time.

Conclusion

Thank you for making it through to the end!

We must participate in this wonderful search that reveals how mental processes and brain functioning unite in a single reality that is man. The sciences of man are too important to be left exclusively in the hands of scientists. The philosopher Baruch de Spinoza said that “people believe to be free simple mind because they are aware of their actions and unaware of the causes that determine those actions.” Neuroscience is the way to know the ultimate causes by which human behaviors and behavior move and is governed.

Knowing how our brain works makes us freer. Neuroscience will help you understand and understand (which is not the same as justifying yourself). Neuroscience is creating a building where the truth of each mental process is sought, no matter how sublime it is and that building is shaped like a brain. That some do not worry about this panorama since between brick and brick of this magnificent construction, there are still slits that can be conveniently filled with ideology paste. Our mind has a unique peculiarity that the difference from other parts of nature that surrounds us is the part of the world that we occupy ourselves. My mind is me The disadvantage of this is that we try to approach the knowledge of the mind with an instrument of the same complexity, as is the mind itself. The advantage is that we can know it from the inside and know how one feels being a mental instrument. We don't know how it feels to be anything else we intend to know. Ah! The number of socks you have to take out of the drawer is three.

HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE

A SIMPLE GUIDE TO RECLAIMING YOUR LIFE AND PERSUADE YOURSELF TO OVERCOME NEGATIVITY AND GAIN CONFIDENCE FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

EVA BELLY

© COPYRIGHT 2020 - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

The content contained within this book may not be reproduced, duplicated or transmitted without direct written permission from the author or the publisher.

Under no circumstances will any blame or legal responsibility be held against the publisher, or author, for any damages, reparation, or monetary loss due to the information contained within this book. Either directly or indirectly.

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Please note the information contained within this document is for educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has been executed to present accurate, up to date, and reliable, complete information. No warranties of any kind are declared or implied. Readers acknowledge that the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical or professional advice. The content within this book has been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed professional before attempting any techniques outlined in this book.

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1. Introduction

Chapter 1 Releasing Negative Energy

Stop Dissociating

Sense Yourself

Stretch Yourself

Journaling

Chapter 2 The Intuitive

Signs You Might Be Intuitive

Chapter 3 Understanding a Highly Sensitive Partner

Chapter 4 Habits that show you are Highly Sensitive

Chapter 5 Survival Stones: Protective and Healing Stones for Empaths

Best Healing Crystals for Empaths

Malachite

Amber

How to Use Healing Crystals

Cleansing Your Crystals

Chapter 6 The Threats to an Empath’s Peace of Mind

Chapter 7 How to Live with High Sensitivity

Headphones

Acceptance

Deep Breaths

Counting to Ten

Keep a Positive Sense of Humor

Focus

Chapter 8 Social Interaction as a Highly Sensitive Person

Caution

Chapter 9 Close Relationships

Chapter 10 General Health and lifestyle for HSPs

Chapter 11 Making Spiritual Contact With Empathy

Chapter 12 Rest and Recharge

Chapter 13 Balance Relationships

2. Conclusion

1.              Introduction

Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is a term that is understood as someone who sees the world on a deep sensory level. The scientific term is known as Sensory-Processing Sensitivity (SPS) and has been misunderstood for some time until recent years. It has been discovered that as many as 15 – 20% of people in the entire population experience this type of sensitivity to the world.

It is a type of survival strategy in which observations are the priority rather than reactions. Highly sensitive people are able to read between the lines and see what is not being said or feel what is not being expressed. The brain is wired differently for these people and makes the person be able to reflect on the world and situations in a deeper and more personal way.

The Aspects of the Highly Sensitive Personality

Because of this deepened state of thinking, it is very easy for highly sensitive people to become overwhelmed easily as they are taking in more information all the time. There is no way to turn off the sensory levels to take a break from the bombardment.

There has been a misconception about the personality traits of people with SPS. Because they would be more cautious before getting into new situations or environments, they were labeled as shy. However, shyness is not an innate trait; it is something that is learned and can be used as a coping mechanism.

After further studies of this personality trait, it proved that there was a misunderstanding that people with SPS were, in fact introverted. However, the studies had shown that as much as 30% of HSP are extroverted.

There are several aspects which are found commonly for most highly sensitive people. Even if you do not have all of these aspects, it does not mean that you are not a highly sensitive person. These personality traits vary in intensity for each individual.

Your perception is top notch as you are more insightful and seemingly wise beyond your years, even as a child. You will be able to see situations in an objective light and see solutions that other people would not have thought about.

You see the beauty in all things from how the wind blows around the colorful autumn leaves in the backyard to how music can take you to other worlds. Beauty is all around and sometimes putting you into a trance state as you are in awe of the world around you. The simple things seem to have another significance and impacts you deeply. Since you see the world in this light, you are confused as to why other people do not see the same world that you do.

You perform tasks in a conscientious way. You are always trying to accomplish goals and jobs to the best of your ability. This can be a good trait, but it can also lead to perfectionism, which can lead to being a source of frustration and stress if it becomes a focal point.

How others perceive you are put onto a pedestal. The words of others reflect on how you feel about yourself inside. When others are seeing you in a positive light and hand out compliments, the highly sensitive person’s self-esteem will be elevated. However, the opposite is true if any criticism or judgment is given by other people as they will start to doubt themselves and their abilities. Negativity and toxic people are avoided by highly sensitive people at all costs due to this after-effect of feeling bad about themselves.

If there is any discord or conflict within any close relationships, the highly sensitive person will feel this on a deepened level. Some will even display somatic symptoms of becoming physically ill. This can lead to HSP automatically letting things go or avoiding conflict altogether as it is powerfully negative to them on a mental and physical level. It can also have a negative impact on relationships as the HSP will agree with the other person about all situations, which can also lead to a higher chance of being manipulated.

The effects of stimulants have a heightened result for HSP. This means that they can only drink a small amount of caffeine, and their body will react as if they have been drinking a much larger amount. On the other hand, there are similar effects to the depressant of alcohol, where they will not be able to handle large amounts without ill effects. It also has been found that over the counter or prescription drugs have a negative impact on the HSP, which will have them taking smaller doses or avoiding them altogether.

You may notice that you become irritable or angry when there is a large space of time between eating. The HSP is more in tune with their bodily functions, and this includes their sensitivity to the blood sugar levels. To counteract this, keep some snacks available to grab easily so this reaction can be curbed.

You often feel as if you are misunderstood. This is due to society mislabeling the HSP as an introvert or anxious. When this occurs, the highly sensitive person starts to feel something is wrong with them as they are not accepted fully for who they are.

You may set your environment to be predictable and stable without too much change. This can prove to be a difficult hurdle when you decide to move to a new home or even go on a vacation. Because your system is used to the same stimuli, the new situations and experiences are too much for the system to handle. Even though these are situations welcomed by other people as an enjoyable experience, it usually only brings anxiousness and can lead to being burned out easily.

Because of these reactions, many highly sensitive people will refrain from changing even the smallest aspect and live a life based on routine. There is no differentiation between positive and negative change as they are both very stimulating to the highly sensitive person. It is not that they cannot feel the positive effects when good changes happen. The feeling is combined with the deep feeling of being overwhelmed by all the new stimuli. Because of this reaction, highly sensitive people need an extended amount of time to adjust to new situations, which is not always a possibility.

You have an active imagination in which you can get drawn and trapped. As a child, you may have experienced more daydreaming, playing fantasy-based games, or even had imaginary friends. This inner world does not disappear when you grow into adulthood. However, it does lead you to have more realistic dreams of which you will likely pursue.

Pain tolerance is generally very low for highly sensitive people. They may exaggerate physical pains as they are more in tune with their bodies. This includes all levels of body pains, including general fatigue, injuries, and headaches.

The clothing that is worn by an HSP is chosen carefully as their outer experience is influenced by the feeling of their clothing. They will refrain from wearing anything that is tight-fitting or scratchy materials. If they happen to wear this type of clothing, their attention will be distracted, and no matter if it is a joyous outing, it will be overshadowed by their uncomfortable feeling felt by the skin.

Any sudden outbursts or sounds are very disturbing to the equilibrium of the highly sensitive person. They can be jolted very easily as their nerves are already on edge, even in comfortable situations. This could be an outside source as simple as a loud automobile or even a household appliance.

The highly sensitive person is likely to seek the answers to everything. This is a natural reaction as they are subconsciously gathering information about every situation, and they want to understand why. They question accepted ideas of society and what their role is in any given situation.

One of the classic traits of an HSP is that they are able to process concepts on a deep level. This not only happens at the moment, but it also results in much reflection on events after they have happened. This is a cycle that can become dangerous for the HSP as they may get stuck with all the recurring thoughts in their mind and can leave to negative overthinking. When this occurs, there is a likely chance that it will lead to anxiety issues.

You need your space to unwind and recharge often. Even though you may like the company of those close to you, there is an urge to get away when the highly sensitive person is starting to feel too much. They are seeking a break, even though there is no real possibility without trained effort.

Deadlines are highly stressful situations for highly sensitive people, as they become more anxious. This may be where a student is given a pop quiz or an important exam which will determine a decent amount of their overall grade. This will usually send the HSP into an anxious mode, and they will not perform as well as they would have without the pressure. This stress also bleeds into adulthood when stress is experienced due to too much being on your plate.

One aspect that highly sensitive people share with empaths is their ability to absorb the emotions of other people even if they are strangers. This ability bleeds into being perceptive. When an HSP walks into a room, they are usually able to gauge the moods of the people in the room. This can be a very useful skill if used properly as the body language, tone of voice and facial expressions can tell you a lot about what a person is going through. However, just like empaths, the HSP will take on the other person’s emotions and experience them vicariously. When not given the time to unwind and determine what emotions are actually being personally experienced, this will lead to emotional exhaustion.

The sensations are more exasperated with close personal relationships. Because you can feel their emotions, you will start to take on the same emotions or ailments that the other person is experiencing as you are very impacted by how life affects them as well.

When it comes to cruelty or violence, it is avoided by highly sensitive people, much like conflict. They will shy or turn away from such events if they happen to witness them or avoid people altogether where these events are likely. This is part of each aspect of the HSPs life to include the workplace or even movies. Just like when conflict is being experienced, the HSP can go through somatic symptoms of feeling physically ill when any sort of violence is witnessed.

When the highly sensitive person is in an energetic place such as a party, restaurant or bar, they may get overstimulated and shut down because of being overwhelmed. In fact, they may decide to leave an event early or forego the invitation altogether.

Falling in love does not just start with butterflies in your stomach, but it is more like skydiving. It is an exhilarating experience, but all the new sensations are completely overwhelming. You feel like you are losing yourself as everything is seemingly changing throughout your entire world.

Sleep is a requirement to feeling on balance. If you get off of your sleep routine in any way, you will likely feel irritable the next day. Not only did you go off of the scheduled routine, but you also did not get your rest and rejuvenation time required to make it through the emotionally energetic day.

Because you do not want to cause any conflict, you have a difficult time telling anyone “no.” This leads to being burnt out because often times the HSP will overextend themselves or look after other people’s needs more than their own.

If there is a failure, there is a tendency to go overboard and beat themselves up. This line of negative self-talk is detrimental if allowed to continue over time as it leads to low self-image and self-esteem issues. Even if the HSP made a decision they later figured out was not for the best, they will have a hard time in forgiving themselves, forgetting about the matter and moving forward. This can also result in the individual being even more hesitant than usual in making decisions in the future or even voicing their opinion for fear that they are incorrect.

Another common aspect which is setting the highly sensitive person to fall into this negative thinking cycle is that they usually set high standards for themselves. When they are trying to live life with purpose and intention and then fall off the wayside, like every other person in existence, they wonder why they are not capable of being perfect or meeting these set standards.

The stimuli can be internal or external such as their realizations, emotions, thoughts, and surroundings.

Of course, every person can feel sensitive at times when subjects are broached that would invoke this type of response. However, in the case of the HSP, this is a daily occurrence, which is a personality trait. Their reaction to these stimuli is more profound than the non-HSP as it can become overwhelming for the HSP to be in situations which would be normal to others. Many times, highly sensitive people have a safe refuge whether it is a room in their home or a place out in nature that is away from outside influences in which they can regroup and recharge from life situations.

Even though it may seem like this is purely a negative personality trait, there are great advantages to being a highly sensitive person. They tend to be more sympathetic as they empathize with all people and life situations. They are able to understand the unspoken and be open and honest when given the safe platform to speak their minds to be able to give a differing perspective even in complicated scenarios. Because they are able to read between the lines, they are very conscious of what other people need.

Common vocations of highly sensitive people are in the creative and selfless categories, which include writers, musicians, artists, counselors, and therapists.

Studies have been conducted for over 20 years on the subject of HSP. The first published study by Dr. Elaine Aron was written in 1997 and has been expanded upon by other scientists and researchers. These research studies not only included animals but humans as well and is trusted as a confirmed personality trait.

According to Dr. Elaine Aron, there are four aspects which are found in all HSP and can be remembered by the acronym of D.O.E.S.

Depth of Processing

The HSP will find a deeper meaning behind information, even if there is no meaning for others. One mechanism showing this at work is when someone wants to meet you for coffee. Their friend will tell them the name of the place and/or the address. The HSP will then start to memorize and associate the name and address with other familiar tidbits of information to include concrete and imaginary. Let us say it is an Italian café by the name of Il gusto dell’ Italia at 333 Magnolia Street. Upon hearing this information, the HSP will think of their favorite trip to a little secluded Italian restaurant of which they really enjoyed their espresso and brioche pastry. They will then think back on the beautiful flowers of spring and how the magnolia has a distinct and sweet smell. It might even go back to a sweet childhood memory of a garden full of flowers of a family member or a bath with magnolia-scented bath gel. They may then start to associate these two factors with their friend they are to meet. Even though this information means nothing to another person, this is the complicated process that is performed by the HSPs mind.

This does have a logical and practical purpose as the event and location will likely not be forgotten by the HSP. It also shows the creative side of the HSP when they are connecting the dots in their mind about this particular event. However, when you think that this same scenario of delving deep into the information given to the HSP throughout the day and compound all of the thinking, you can easily understand why this personality trait will cause them to wear out the mind and make them feel burnt out.

Overstimulation

When every piece of information is dissected continuously by HSPs, this can be quite exhausting mentally and in turn, become physical ailments. Their brains are in overdrive constantly throughout the day. You will find highly sensitive people are not able to pack many projects into their day as they like to take their time to perform a task perfectly or perhaps only one or two places when they are traveling. They will schedule “me” time during the day, especially when stressful situations are going to be experienced. It is not that HSPs are not able to handle high-stress situations. It is the fact that they take a longer time to recover from the overstimulation. They also feel like they are able to tackle the day better when they have gotten a restful night’s sleep.

Emotional Reactivity

Because HSP feels on a deeper level, they react strongly to all situations. It has been studied recently that even though the HSP also has a powerful reaction towards negative situations, they are even more so with positive scenarios. The personal level of which these emotions are felt help to accelerate the emotional state of the HSP, which leads to them thinking more clearly and creatively. Emotional reactivity is also displayed when highly sensitive people show empathy towards others. HSPs are more focused on helping other people because they are able to understand the needs they require. However, this is not just on the surface as the highly sensitive person usually takes on that person’s or place’s emotions and energy.

This can prove to be a blessing and a curse as the HSP may not be able to distinguish between their feelings and another’s. This also adds to the feeling of being overwhelmed as is a catch 22.

Sensitivity to Subtleties

You can consider a highly sensitive person in having a detective mind. They are adept at picking up clues which are completely overlooked by the non-HSP. Because they are conscious of everything going on around them, they are able to have a deeper understanding of the less obvious. This awareness includes such subtleties as smells, tastes, and sounds which most people would easily ignore or not notice at all.

Self-test

Read the following questions and indicate if the statement is true for you:

1. During childhood, my teachers and/or parents saw me as a shy or sensitive child.

2. When there is a time deadline, competition or otherwise observed task, I do not perform as well as possible because I get too shaky and nervous.

3. Intense stimuli such as chaos and loud noises causes me distress.

4. I follow a daily routine to avoid overwhelming or upsetting situations.

5. If there is a lot of things going on at the same time, it becomes an unpleasant situation for me.

6. I pay special attention to works of art, sounds, tastes, and scents and find them pleasing.

7. I am unable to deal with even the smallest changes in my life.

8. When I have not eaten for a while, it shakes up my mood and concentration.

9. When there is a lot going on around me, I get very anxious.

10. I do not watch violence on television or in the movies.

11. I do my best always to remember things and to avoid making mistakes.

12. When I am told to perform several different tasks by people, I am annoyed.

13. I notice the subtle changes that could create a happy environment for others around me (such as changing the temperature or offering a better seat).

14. When there is a short amount of time to complete a long to do list, I panic.

15. I am very jumpy.

16. I am conscientious.

17. I have to have alone time in a space away from distractions and people when I become frustrated.

18. Music and arts move me in a deep way.

19. Loud noises of any type make me uncomfortable.

20. My inner life is full of complex fantasies and dreams.

21. Any distracting sounds, smells, scratchy clothing, or lights makes me feel overwhelmed.

22. I do not have to drink much coffee or alcohol to have a “buzz.”

23. When I have hectic days, I need to retreat to an isolated space to digress from the day.

24. I am sensitive to pain.

25. I tend to take on the mood of the people I am surrounded with.

26. I notice the small things that others do not notice.

27. Strong input to my senses makes me feel overwhelmed.

If you found that at least fourteen of the statements were true for you, it is very probable you are a highly sensitive person. Of course, this test does not absolutely determine this is the case, as every individual is different. Case in point, if you scored less than 14, but the statements were entirely and strongly true, it is also possible you are a highly sensitive person. Gender also can play a role as women who are HSP will score higher than HSP men.

Difference between HSP and Other Psychological Disorders

Even though there has been studies and research conducted over twenty years about

highly sensitive people, there are still many people who do not understand this personality trait. We live in a world where it is easy to go to a therapist to get diagnosed with a disorder because we or a loved one feel that something is “off” or wrong about a person. In truth, this is the wrong way to go about understanding highly sensitive people because it is not a disorder at all.

Because there are many psychological personality disorders and illnesses that can be associated with HSP such as general anxiety disorders, types of depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder or hypersensitive personality disorder, it is easy to look for a label to understand this type of personality. When you read through the explanations and coping mechanisms in this book, you will have a full understanding of why is it not a disorder as you were born this way.

Highly sensitive people are commonly misaligned with have Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). This is where you were not born with this disorder, and it was a learned coping mechanism. SPD is where the sensory information of the nervous system giving out incorrect responses to the information that was gathered. This information that is gathered is not the amount which is soaked by the HSP. It is a neurological disorder which is rarer than SPS. In the case of SPD, the patient would need to seek treatment, which is not the case for highly sensitive people.

When you look at the traits of a highly sensitive person and compare these to specific disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) which is written by the American Psychiatric Association, you will find that the criteria will not be met with any of the disorders. When you use the self-test to gain knowledge if being a highly sensitive person is a possibility, then you will be on the right track to working with this personality trait that you were born with.

Of course, it is possible to have HSP in combination with another mental disorder. However, being highly sensitive is not a disorder within itself. When you are having doubts about whether you have only HSP or if it is coupled with another disorder, consult a medical professional so that they can properly evaluate your personal situation, so you are able to fully tackle and gain the knowledge you need to about yourself.

Chapter 1             Releasing Negative Energy

In Peter Levine’s book, Waking the Tiger, he likens a human’s stress response to be like that of a deer hearing a branch break in the forest. They become hyper-vigilant and freeze. The difference is, once the threat has passed, the deer go through a physical release of stress by shuddering in a specific manner. Humans, however, are quick to snap back to our rational brains. We try to process our scares and traumas verbally, on a superficial level, even if it is just in our own minds. Sometimes this works; often, it does not reach deep enough to soothe the damage.

Before you can become a healthy, strong empath, there are some very basic, yet possibly difficult things for you to confront. In order to confront our fear, we have to recognize it. How can you identify fear? It may be more difficult than you think if you’ve buried your emotions.

●     ☐       Have you settled into your environment so well that you would immediately pass on an offer of a significant promotion if it meant you would have to move?

●     ☐       Do you stay in relationships that you know are unhealthy and give excuses to people when they ask why you don’t break it off with the toxic person?

●      ☐       Do you avoid taking on new responsibilities at work?

●      ☐       Do you keep your partner or children on a tight leash?

●      ☐       Are you quick to jump into a heated political debate?

●      ☐       Do you defend every unnecessary purchase you make, even if only to yourself?

●      ☐       Do you keep most people, even your favorite family members, at a distance?

●      ☐       Have you quit a hobby or sport you loved for “sensible” reasons?

●      ☐       Do you lie to keep the peace?

●      ☐       Do you keep your kitchen stocked with only your favorite convenience foods?

●      ☐       Do you equate your worth with your weight?

●      ☐       Do you drink more than one alcoholic beverage a day?

●      ☐       Do you avoid housework or lawn work because of pain?

●      ☐       Do you have a stockpile of something?

●      ☐       Do you buy books but are unable to remember the last time you finished reading a book?

●      ☐       Have you tracked someone’s movements using GPS?

●      ☐       Do you look for escape routes whenever you’re in public or a new private residence?

●      ☐       Do you bristle and close up when a stranger speaks to you in passing?

●      ☐       Does anything that reasonably happens in daily life make your heart race in an unpleasant way?

●      ☐       Does talking about anything make it hard to breathe?

●      ☐       Do you dread phone calls or other forms of interaction?

●      ☐       Does making decisions take a long time?

●      ☐       Do you see your children talking negatively about themselves and do their words sound familiar?

●      ☐       Does the idea of giving up any particular kind of food or drink make you laugh sarcastically?

●      ☐       Do you have rituals that you perform wherever you travel, like a specific order of things you do before bed?

●      ☐       Do you have goals you can’t begin working on?

●      ☐       Do you spend all of your money as soon as you make it?

●      ☐       Do you make a list of things you need to do, but routinely get distracted?

●      ☐       Do you do things a certain way just because your parents did it that way?

●      ☐       Do you do things a certain way just because your parents wouldn’t do it that way?

●      ☐       Do you self-deprecate?

●      ☐       Do you apologize for things even when you’re alone?

Now, not all of these things are wrong in and of themselves.  As you go through that list, ask yourself follow-up questions.

●      ☐       Why?

●      ☐       Is what I do different from what I say I want to do?

●      ☐       Do I want something because I want it, or because it’s logical?

●      ☐       Do I want something because it’s logical?

●      ☐       What keeps me from acting on what I want to be?

●      ☐       If I succeed, what will happen to me?

●      ☐       What will my life look like?

●      ☐       How will people treat me?

●      ☐       What will I feel?

●      ☐       What will people say about be?

●      ☐       Who will still be close to me?

●      ☐       How would I function with that success?

●      ☐       Where exactly would my money go, if I achieve financial freedom?

●      ☐       What would my new goal be?

●      ☐       Will people use me?

●      ☐       Will people want to be around me?

●      ☐       Will I travel more?

●      ☐       If I had financial freedom, would I make any legal actions, such as a divorce or put down roots and buy a home?

Some of these things require another “Why?” Perhaps that answer begs even another “Why?” Follow those trails until you have an “Aha!” moment. Know that you may be afraid to see or experience things, so time to meditate and affirm yourself that it is okay to see. It is okay to feel.

Stop Dissociating

Empaths have a difficult time staying connected to their own bodies in the present time. Here are some exercises to aid in re-establishing the mind-body connection.

Sense Yourself

Stand or sit in a comfortable position. Listen to the sounds your body makes even as you remain mostly still: the way your back pops a little when you correct your posture by supporting yourself with your spine instead of slouching into your ribcage. Listen to yourself swallow, listen to yourself as you begin to breathe deeply through your nose. Close your eyes, and feel your body. Where do you feel pain? What do you usually ignore because it feels just fine? Pay attention to the good things happening in your body for a few minutes. Speak your gratitude for those things aloud.

“I am grateful that my calves feel strong and are capable of propelling me through life.”

“I am grateful for the breeze that cools my skin and makes my hair dance.”

“I am grateful that I can breathe through my nose without congestion.”

Stretch Yourself

If you still feel pain in certain muscles, slowly begin to stretch in a way that engages that muscle. Don’t press yourself so far that your breath hitches, and instead, stop before that moment. Beginning with your diaphragm, inhale deeply, thinking about the area holding the tension. Exhale slowly, imagining some of the pain leaving that area with your breath.

Repeat this action three times, returning to your original position between each time. You will likely be able to move a little further with each stretch! Move on to another area that is holding tension and do the same. After going through these movements, take a leisurely walk for about five minutes, and drink at least sixteen ounces of water to help deter the buildup of lactic acid in your muscles.

Journaling

It’s helpful to record the good things as well as the bad. It’s a way to find patterns in your life and to allow you to dig deep while using your rational brain, which is a more comfortable way to learn about yourself, your needs, and your world for some than going through psychological treatment.

Chapter 2             The Intuitive

When Keysha’s niece, Sierra, had a child, Keysha was thrilled. Finally, she got to be a great auntie! Keysha lived in a hefty seven hours away, but when she visited her family in Galveston, she was always ready to babysit. She adored her grand-niece, Faith, but was in full disbelief when, one day, she found out that Faith, now five, had just been diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia.

Because of her job, Keysha wasn’t able to get back to Texas in the early days of Faith’s treatments. She kept in contact with her girls, which helped, but her heart was always with both Faith and Sierra. Often, Keysha would find herself staring into space or at a blank wall, and even at the back of a work partner’s head. She lost time this way. Once, when asked if she was all right, it took her a few moments to be able to answer.

In her mind, Keysha had been in the hospital room with Faith and Sierra. She could have told you details about the place: the way the room’s trim didn’t quite get along with the wall color, the layout of the furniture and the machines—the way the window sill was cluttered with flowers and stuffed animals, the view from the window. She even had a feeling of where different things were located in relation to the room: the common waiting area on the floor, the women’s bathroom, the vending machines, and even the nurse’s station.

Keysha realized she’d been doing this for weeks. She could even envision the nurses. A part of her had been there with the girls the whole time, and it was exhausting.

What Keysha was experiencing was called a soul tie. Soul ties can cause you to have unconscious reactions. In Keysha’s case, it had become physical, too. She had begun clenching her teeth so hard in the night that a tooth abscessed and eventually had to be pulled out.

As soon as she was able, she visited her family in Galveston. She was surprised to find the details of the hospital were very close, if not dead on, to what she’d envisioned in those bouts of lost time. Even more, Keysha found out that her other niece, with whom she’d been close, too, had to have a tooth pulled because—yes—she’d been grinding her teeth so much that it had abscessed at the root.

Most of the time, people don’t intend to create soul ties with intuitives.  It’s not an intentional, malicious thing, even though it can have negative effects on their partner. It’s up to the intuitive to recognize the signs and take steps to free themselves from the aspects of the relationship that are unhealthy. Letting go of a soul tie to a person doesn’t mean you must disappear from her life; it means that when you are present, you are your whole, thriving self.

Signs You Might Be Intuitive

●     ☐       As an adult, you catch yourself losing time.  You may not immediately know what you were thinking about, as you weren’t actually daydreaming.  When you try to access what you’d been thinking about, it’s real people and situations, feelings and places, not fiction or fantasy.

●     ☐       You are often struck by the beauty of things that go unseen by most people and can easily access stories about their origins.

●      ☐       Patterns of abstract things, like emotions and events, emerge easily for you.

●      ☐       When talking a friend through a problem, you know the right questions to help them untangle their emotions and thoughts.

●      ☐       You are unintentionally aware of others’ schedules.

●     ☐       You sometimes to forget to look at a person’s appearance when you’re interacting with them.  It’s usually a secondary thought, as your primary attention was on something else about them.  Sometimes, you have no idea what they were wearing or carrying after they were gone, even though you had a face-to-face conversation with them that lasted ten minutes.

●     ☐       Words can be hard to come by.  If someone asks you a simple question like, “Where did you put the tape?”  out of the blue and you weren’t expecting it, you sometimes have great difficult remembering words like “mud room” and “drawer.”

●     ☐       You experience setbacks, like traffic detours, long lines, or a store being closed, and you’re able to let it go when other people might get mad.  You figure you’re not supposed to be where you thought you should be quite yet, and that it will all work out.

●      ☐       You suddenly develop a new habit, like nail biting or tapping your foot, and then see someone else doing it shortly after.

☐       You can find your way around a new town or building without much effort.

Intuition can be a pleasant and useful gift but keep aware of what belongs to you and what does not.  Don’t allow people to connect to you on a spiritual level without your consent, and don’t feel obligated to share your insights or your energy with just anyone.

Chapter 3             Understanding a Highly Sensitive Partner

Relationships tend to be quite complicated, regardless of your personality type. And certain statements about relationships are true for everyone, no matter how they are, such as fighting is not enjoyable. Gestures of appreciation or romance are typically a positive thing, communication is highly valuable and compromising can be highly difficult. But many of these subtleties are noticed only when you are the more sensitive type of partner.

Keep these Factors in Mind about HSP in Relationships:

Whether you are a highly sensitive person in a relationship with someone, or you are someone in a relationship with a highly sensitive person, or you are both sensitive, there are some important things to remember.

●     They Take Relationships Seriously: Since HSP are so emotionally driven and reactive, they do not typically take relationships in a lighthearted way. They do not typically think of things unless there is some type of emotionally motivation behind it. This could be fear, love, or simple curiosity. Either way, we think about things only when we really feel something about them; otherwise our mind will pass over it. Remember that if a highly sensitive person is involved with you, it’s for a reason.

●     HSP are Intuitive: We have already gone over the point that highly sensitive folks notice subtle cues and nuances in conversation or social situations, but this also relates to your relationship. If the loved one of a HSP is upset, the HSP is definitely going to pick up on it, probably instantly, as we are very sensitive to shifts in mood. Remember that they are noticing changes in your tone, often even over text.

●     Highly Sensitive People have a Hard Time with Conflict: Getting into arguments with loved ones is not enjoyable for anyone. However, for a highly sensitive person, it is especially negative and uncomfortable. This is due to the fact that they are often undergoing an intense debate inside of them while it is happening. They get stuck between saying what they feel and trying to avoid confrontation.

HSP tend to respond in a more productive way to experiences that are positive, rather than the opposite. Although partners may wish to resolve conflict as they arise, when tensions are high, this can feel difficult or nearly impossible for the HSP. They need a chance to process their emotions first and let things calm down, then come to a solution through supportive talking, not aggression.

●     HSP Must have their Emotions Validated: Telling a HSP that they are being too sensitive or taking things personally when they don’t need to can actually feel very insulting. For a highly sensitive person, it isn’t possible to have too many emotions and it can be painful when those are viewed as some kind of weakness. If you tell a HSP to stop being sensitive, they will probably withdraw.

●     They are Easily Bored: People who are sensitive tend to get a bit restless when it comes to relationships devoid of deep connections and meaningful talks. This doesn’t mean that they will easily give up, in fact. It could mean that they are motivated to make more of an effort to start interesting conversations and connect more deeply.

●     They Want their Emotions to be Noticed: HSP show what they feel, whether it’s sadness or happiness. Being with someone who understands and appreciates you is a must, since sensitive individuals cannot help but be expressive. It’s just who they are.

●     Make sure Dates include Time for Talking: The typical HSP’s idea of a perfect date will involve some time to talk. While parties can be fun, avoiding over-stimulating environments will be appreciated. Plus, the company is a highly sensitive person’s top priority, with details of the date coming in second in importance.

●     They Listen Closely to their Partner’s Desires: Highly sensitive people are intuitive about their mate’s desires and have the ability to figure out what they wish for and follow through with it. This applies in love relationships as well as friendships. They care a lot about making their significant other satisfied; and when they aren’t, it isn’t a good feeling.

●     You don’t have to have the Same Personality: A highly sensitive person does not have to have a partner with the same personality. In fact, relationships between two very different people (as far as sensitivity levels go) can be quite harmonious. The important factor is understanding each other’s traits and being able to appreciate them. Don’t ever think that just because your partner is highly sensitive, they expect you to be.

Just like any other relationship, a relationship with a highly sensitive person will take work, understanding, and patience. It’s just part of love. However, the more interested you are in your partner’s personality, and the more willing you are to work with their inherent traits, and the better off the partnership will be. In fact, if you are open minded enough, you might learn a thing or two from your sensitive significant other.

Chapter 4             Habits that show you are Highly Sensitive

Have you noticed that you seem to reflect on life more often than those around you? Are you often preoccupied with wondering what other people are feeling? Do you tend to enjoy environments that are less chaotic and quieter over loud and busy ones? If these apply to you, you are probably a highly sensitive person. Interest, in recent times, toward the trait of introversion has shed some light on traits in people that are more sensitive and prefer less stimulation. Although more research is being done on this subject, and more people are becoming interested, it still seems that very sensitive people are the minority.

But just because this trait is less common, doesn’t mean it isn’t good. Actually, being a HSP comes along with wonderful benefits. Here are some habits that highly sensitive people display, along with their beneficial features. This list will also give connections between the mental and emotional habits of highly sensitive people and the love relationships they find themselves in.

Do these Habits fit your Personality, and How do they Relate to Love?

●     You Tend to Think with your Heart: Do you tend to listen to your heart in regards to coming up with solutions or ideas? This is a sure sign that you are highly sensitive, and it is a great quality for relationships. But watch out and make sure you also pay attention to the logical side of things.

Thinking with your heart is what allows you to be so connected with yourself and your needs. It also lets you see the deepest desires and needs of those close to you, making you a fantastic partner and friend. Knowing how to analyze situations with your heart is great as long as it’s balanced out with the whole picture and not just one side of things.

●     You Like to Talk things Through: A HSP has a need to freely express their emotions and thoughts about every subject. This is necessary in relationships for feeling appreciated and heard by their partner. They enjoy offering support and giving advice, but make sure that you also listen when others try to offer you advice or well-meaning criticism.

In relationships, you need to feel as though you can come to your partner with anything, and a partner that you need to hide feelings or thoughts from is one that won’t last long. If you are in a committed relationship, make sure this aspect is present or you likely will not feel fulfilled with that person and it could lead to resentment.

●     You never Need to Rush: This is one of the best qualities of highly sensitive people; they like to take their time in life and to enjoy every passing moment. This quality can rub off on others, helping them remember to slow down and notice all of the details of life. Highly sensitive people need to be allowed to express this quality, without feeling rushed by another person.

If they feel pressured by others, it might add stress to relationships and put trust at risk. This is a highly important factor for compatibility in HSP relationships. When it comes to tense conversations, try to focus on the positive when talking things out, and find ways to compromise so that you are both happy.

●     You, at times, Put up a Tough Front: People who are highly sensitive may put up a tough front as a way to conceal what they are feeling, because they don’t think it will be taken well or understood. In fact, this can cause you to suppress issues, staying mad at a friend without ever revealing why. Perhaps you were hurt by a comment your friend made and want to keep it inside to avoid conflict.

However, in healthy love relationships (and also friendships), it’s important to be able to share your concerns openly whether you feel you are being overly sensitive or not. Make sure that when you bring up concerns, or something that made you angry, you do it in a way that doesn’t come off as accusatory.

●     You are a Highly Passionate Person: In areas regarding family members, close friends, or your romantic partner, you are never short of passion and excitement. The exception to this is when you find yourself in situations that you feel you are not being valued or appreciated. Appreciation and enthusiasm from others is important to you, so you should make sure that this is present in your love relationship. Otherwise, you may not be able to flourish at your highest possible potential.

●     You Tend to be Spiritual in your Beliefs: You have a tendency to believe that things happen not just randomly, but for specific reasons. You believe that the world is working in a way that makes sense, even if you can’t always see it at the time. Your ability to see the bigger picture, and patterns of life in retrospect, allows you to take on new situations with a calm composure.

You are likely to try out yoga or meditation, even if it’s only once, as a way to expand your mind and body connection. This can be a great way to go deeper with your partner, if they also show an interest in these topics.

●     You Trust the Signals your Body Sends you: Whenever you are making an important, life-altering decision, such as signing a crucial legal contract, you may notice signals going off inside you. These will tell you whether the decision is good or bad, and you have learned from experience to trust these intuitions. It’s important to be with a partner who knows this about you and respects your need to heed these calls.

Being with someone who laughs or shrugs off these feelings you get will bring you further from your higher self and could lead to issues down the road, both personally and in the relationship.

●     You may put Other People before Yourself: Sometimes, you get too caught up in what other people need, which can lead you to forget about your own needs. It’s important to first know yourself well enough to recognize your needs and wants, and second to be assertive enough to state these with confidence. This all comes down to the level of respect you have for yourself, which will reflect in the relationships you hold.

In love, you must find a partner who is appreciative, even if it just means that they never forget to say “thank you”. These small gestures go a long way for you, and trying to fit with someone who doesn’t go along with this could end up being a struggle. Make sure that you assert these needs in order to have healthy relationships with others.

●     You Like to Ask Questions: You like to understand the world around you, and the people in it, so you ask questions. At times, these questions can be too forward or deep for people, leading to awkwardness. In relationships, it’s important to have a partner who also likes to explore ideas with you or will at least give some thought to your curious questions.

In order to feel fulfilled in life, you should make sure that the people you spend your time with are compatible in this way. You can easily draw inspiration from other curious, passionate people around you, learning from them and becoming a better person as a result.

●     You are a Great Problem Solver: You are definitely not simple minded. Your multifaceted access to the nuances and emotions within you allow you to think up plenty of creative solutions to all of the issues in life. You enjoy mapping out multiple possible answers to problems and then finding ways to solve them.

A compatible partner will recognize and appreciate this trait within you, taking your opinions seriously and considering them fully. The will respect your intuition, as well as all of the thought and feelings you put into coming up with answers to problems. The right partner will hold your intuitions and feelings in high regard, never shrugging them off.

●     You Stand up for What you Know is Right: Once you get a vision, thought, feeling, or idea, you are not afraid to express it, even if you’re the only one with that opinion. This can lead you to feel like you have a hard time relating to others and can be disheartening if you don’t have anyone around who recognizes this trait in you and appreciates it or takes it seriously.

It’s important for a highly sensitive person to be with a partner who knows how important it is to you to stay true to your feelings. They will look for ways that they can learn from you in this way. Just make sure that you are also open to your partner’s feelings, so that this is mutual and healthy.

●     You Know how to Admit it When you’re Wrong: An HSP is aware of the importance of getting credit for doing things right. Naturally, this means that you have no qualms about admitting it when you’ve made a mistake. This is a great strength when it comes to relationships, since you aren’t interested in wasting time holding onto a wrong opinion stubbornly. Instead, you can move on from conflict swiftly and find your way to creative solutions.

Again, benefiting from your personality type is all about recognizing and using your strengths. The most compatible partner in a love relationship will know your sensitivity, cherish it, and take it seriously, learning from it and appreciating you for these unique traits.

Chapter 5             Survival Stones: Protective and Healing Stones for Empaths

Justin is an empath. He feels other people’s vibrations and energies. He can even read other people’s minds. He knows when someone is telling the truth. This is the reason why he is a great stockbroker.

However, the Wall Street is one of the most emotionally hostile environments. It is the playground of toxic people and narcissists. So, even if Justin is good at his job, he feels drained and tired all the time.

He feels anxious and he absorbs all the anger, guilt, and rage of the people around him. Because of this, Justin started to drink a few bottles of beer every night just so he can sleep. He eventually had a hard time controlling his drinking problem.

That is when he decided to consult Krista, a well-known energy healer. Krista introduced Justin to the world of healing stones and crystals.

Krista gave Justin a bracelet made of different healing stones. He started to wear the bracelet everywhere he goes. He cleanses this bracelet using salt and water before going to sleep.

After a few days, Justin felt safer and less agitated. He felt more energetic and optimistic, too. He no longer absorbs negative energy.

Healing crystals are beneficial to everyone, but most especially to empaths. These precious gems are not only easy on the eyes. They also protect you from all kinds of negative emotions and energies.

Best Healing Crystals for Empaths

Healing crystals balance your energy flow, making you more vibrant and spirited. Below are the best healing stones for empaths.

Citrine

Known for its bright yellowish-orange color, citrine is considered as a success stone. It is said to bring success because it improves your mental strength and focus. It increases your personal will and helps manifest your deepest hopes and dreams.

This stone opens, activates, and energizes your navel and solar plexus chakra. This increases your personal power, decisiveness, and creativity. It also increases your energy, allowing you to do many things you want to do. Citrine takes away all your stress and exhaustion. It makes you feel calm and at peace. It relaxes every inch in your body. Who needs valium when you can use citrine?

As with other yellow gems, citrine can help decrease anxiety-related physical symptoms, such as bladder and digestive issues. It also helps improve the function of your thyroid gland.

What makes the citrine perfect for empaths is its ability to heal at a spiritual level. It does not only heal your body, it cleanses your spirit. It helps you let go of all the negative energy and regenerates every part of your being.

Rose Quartz

Known as a symbol of universal love, rose quartz opens your heart to all levels of love – friendships, romantic relationships, unconditional love, and self-love.

It helps you attract love and improve your relationships. It helps heal your heart from heartbreak and pain, and helps you restore trust.

Rose quartz stimulates your heart chakra. It makes you more understanding and forgiving. It also balances your crown and third eye chakra, so it also increases your mental clarity and psychic abilities.

This stone is great for empaths because it has strong nurturing properties. It also has strong protective qualities. It can protect you from chaotic environments and other draining situations.

Carnelian

Carnelian is not as popular as the other stones in this list, but it is just as powerful.

This stone empowers you trust your own intuition and perceptions, helping you escape abusive situations. It also protects you from negative emotions, such as rage and empty.

Jasper

This brown stone is a great protective shield for empaths. It grounds your body and it absorbs negative energy. It cleanses your chakras and helps improve the function of your organs. It cleanses your liver, kidney, and colon. It even improves the function of your heart and lungs.

Jasper helps ward off negative energy. You can wear it as jewelry. You can also place it in various parts of your house.

Red Garnet

Named after the pomegranate seeds, this stone restores your energy after your encounter with an energy vampire. Garnet strengthens your intuition and increases your self-empowerment.

Known as the “stone of health”, this stone promotes physical and spiritual healing. It increases your self-confidence and helps open your heart to new possibilities. It helps improve your mental clarity.

Garnet also promotes emotional healing. It helps you get rid of all the toxic energies and emotions. It is also great for people who are going through great loss.

Red garnet also increases your self-esteem and can help you attract good luck.

Selenite

Also called the “desert rose”, selenite is a moonstone that was first seen in Ancient Greece. This fascinating stone has a milky and pearly texture and it is commonly found in Chihuahua, Mexico.

This stone brings harmony, balance, and peace into your life. It is also used for spiritual healing. It helps you find your true self and helps you access your most precious gifts. It leads you to the path of enlightenment.

This precious gem promotes positive thinking and helps you adopt a more positive outlook in life. It soothes your soul and helps open your third eye.

Black Obsidian

This stone is not a crystal. It is actually a form of molten lava. However, it is more powerful than most crystals.

Black obsidian is packed with strong protective energy. It prevents unwanted energies from penetrating your aura. It blocks off energy vampires who feast on your joy and positivity.

This stone protects you from psychic attacks and helps you deflect negative energy. It makes you feel confident and safe. However, keep in mind that this stone is too powerful. You should only use it under the supervision of a professional crystal healer.

Amethyst

This lavender gem is not just beautiful; it is also a powerful protective stone. Amethyst can convert negative energies into love, hope, and happiness. It eases depression, grief, anxiety, and most importantly, anger.

Amethyst increases your intuition. It makes you feel calmer and more at peace. It also balances your crown chakra, allowing you to experience bouts of bliss and ecstasy. It opens your mind into higher realities and dimensions.

The best way to wear amethyst is to keep it close to your heart. You can wear it as a brooch or a pendant.

Fluorite

Considered as the most famous fluorescent minerals, this multicolored stone is just captivating and mysterious. It is unique and fascinating.

However, fluorite is more than just a beautiful stone. It also has strong protective elements. It cloaks your aura, protecting you from psychic attacks.

This stone protects you from energy vampires and electromagnetic stress. You can wear it as a pendant or you can place it near your computer.

Blue Kyanite

Blue kyanite is an excellent healing crystal. It aligns all your chakras and unleashes your psychic gifts. This crystal does not absorb negative energies, it destroys it. That is powerful!

This crystal has the ability to raise your vibration. So, wear this stone whenever you feel anxious or depressed.

Blue kyanite also helps remove emotional blocks. This connects you to other people on a deeper level.

Bloodstone

Also known as, bloodstone, heliotrope is a powerful protective stone. It cleanses your blood and increases your intuition.

According to a legend, Jesus Christ’s blood dripped on green grass creating this mythical and mysterious stone.

Bloodstone promotes healing and selflessness. It eases emotional pain. So, if you are depressed or extremely anxious, carry the rock everywhere you go.

Amazonite

Absorbing too much negative energy can result to emotional trauma. Amazonite calms your mind and removes your worries. It converts your anger and other negative emotions into positive action.

This bluish green gem helps you establish healthy boundaries. It restores flow into your life and balances your throat chakra.

Labradorite

This stone protects you from misfortune and undesirable energies. It removes all your insecurities and sharpens your intuition.

Labradorite stimulates your creativity and imagination. However, it also relaxes your overactive mind. It is not only

Malachite

Malachite has this hypnotizing bright green color. It is soothing to the eyes. This amazing stone opens your heart chakra, and cleanses and releases stagnant energy.

This stone strengthens your intuition. It strengthens your compassion and activates your chakras. It also opens your heart to hope and unconditional love.

This verdant stone does more than heal your spirit. It also helps you attract material wealth and spiritual treasures.

Lapis Lazuli

This crystal helps you achieve spiritual enlightenment. It stimulates good judgment and increases your intellectual ability. It is also the stone of truth and understanding.

Known as the crystal of truth, this stone increases your self-awareness. It helps you understand yourself a little bit more. It allows you to open to new ideas, dreams, goals, and opportunities.

Lapis Lazuli helps cleanse and maintain your positive aura. It is a great tool for spiritual development.

Amber

Found in Poland, Russia, and Colombia, this yellowish orange stone helps relieve stress, depression, and anxiety. It heals your emotional wounds and helps you adopt a more positive outlook in life. It cleanses your sacral chakra and energizes your endocrine system.

This stone is a symbol of tenderness and beauty. It attracts long lasting love and opens your crown chakra. It balances your mind, body, and spirit.

Black Onyx

There is something about the stone that feels calm and quiet. It has strong restorative qualities, helping you relax after a long and stressful day.

Black Onyx absorbs other people’s negative energy. It increases your emotional strength and stamina. It has strong healing properties and it helps ward off negative energy.

Tiger’s Eye

This fascinating golden brown stone protects you from ill wishes and curses. It also boosts your self-confidence and self-worth.

Tiger’s eye can heal anxiety, depression, and even a number of physical conditions. It increases your energy, clears your body, and helps you build resilience.

Many spiritual mystics believe that this stone brings luck and can increase your wealth. It boosts cash flow and helps you connect with your deepest ambitions. It improves your judgment and helps you find genuine happiness.

This stone also helps improve your sense of balance. It sharpens your senses so you get to identify your real friends from those who are just using you.

Black Tourmaline

This stone acts like an energy shield. It helps push away all negative energy, and protects you from narcissists and other energy vampires.

According to several legends, this powerful grounding stone wards off demons and evil spirits. Black tourmaline purifies your spirit and helps remove negative thoughts. It also eases feelings of anxieties, feelings of unworthiness, suicidal thoughts, anger, and stress.

Black tourmaline clears energy blockages and it increases your stamina and physical strength.

Unakite

Unakite has this beautiful pistachio green. However, it is more than just a pretty gemstone. This healing stone releases repressed emotional wounds and increases your resilience.

This stone connects you with the spiritual source and improves your spirituality. It makes you feel at peace and blissful. It helps heal trauma and encourages you to practice self-acceptance and self-love. It relaxes your body on a cellular level.

Blue Topaz

Topaz is one of the most beautiful gems. It is a symbol of affection and love. It stimulates self-confidence and improves your creativity. It calms every part of your body. It increases mental stability and inner peace. It is useful for businesspersons, travelers, and salespersons.

This stones helps you achieve mental clarity. It makes you see things in the right perspective and forces you to focus on what is important.

Jade

Known as “stone of wealth”, Jade has this calming green color. It is popular in China and other Asian countries. Many Feng Shui experts believe that Jade helps attract prosperity and good luck.

However, Jade can do more than attract wealth. It is a powerful protective stone, too. This fascinating stone can protect you from negative energies. It boosts your self-confidence and encourages self-sufficiency.

Many Eastern healers believe that jade can cure a plethora of physical conditions.

How to Use Healing Crystals

Here is how you can get the most out of your crystals:

●     You can ask an expert to help you out in picking the right crystals. However, it is essential to listen to your intuition. Listen to your gut and go for the crystal that naturally pulls you in.

●     You can use the healing crystals as jewelry so they are always close to your body. However, you can also place the crystal in your bag or pocket.

●     Place your crystals near your pillows before going to bed. This can help you sleep soundly.

●     Use a protective stone when you are meditating. This can help deepen your practice and can easily unleash your psychic abilities.

●     Place your crystals in your bath. This helps raise your vibrational frequency. After a few minutes of soaking with your crystals, you would start to feel happy and peaceful. However, take note that not all crystals are meant to be in water. Therefore, it is best to do a little research first. Rose quartz is the best crystal to use for your bath.

●     If you are in front of a computer all day, place your crystals on your desk. This will help you block all the negative energies from the internet.

●     Place the healing stones around your house, especially in your bedroom and living room. You can also place a few crystals in your car.

●     Hold your crystals while you pray. This can help you easily connect with the Divine Energy.

Cleansing Your Crystals

This is why you have to keep your healing stones clean. You have to get rid of the negative energies before using your crystals again.

Here is how you can cleanse your healing stones:

●     Wash the crystals with running water. This can help neutralize the negative energy stored inside the stone.

●     If you live near the beach, place a little bit of salt water in a bowl and soak your crystal for at least eight hours.

●     If you do not live near the ocean, you can mix a bowl of water with three tablespoons of table salt. Mix well and then soak your crystal for at least eight hours.

●     You can use bundled sage to cleanse your healing stones. To do this, light the tip of the sage using a match, creating smoke. Hold your crystal and move it around the smoke. Do this for 30 to 60 seconds.

You do not have to clean your crystals daily. You can do it once or twice a month.

Chapter 6             The Threats to an Empath’s Peace of Mind

Before we get onto the balancing techniques and the wonderful ways to use your gift, we need to give a special mention to the merry band of people who are out to spoil the party. The first thing you need to realize in your empathic journey is that not everyone is like you - not everyone is kind and open-hearted. We’re going to start talking to you as an empath because by getting to this point it’s likely that you’re more towards the empathic side of the population than otherwise.

There are people out there who are simply negative in general. We’re not going to say they’re bad people, because most of the time they don’t realize that they’re actually being negative or causing distress to another, however, some do, and obviously, they are bad people!

There are people who are particularly dangerous or threatening to an empath’s peace of mind and general emotional health. Have you heard of narcissists? You probably have, as this is something which many people talk about these days. Narcissists are very dangerous for an empath, and a relationship between a narcissist and an empath is only ever going to end in one way - total heartbreak for the empath. It’s really that simple.

There is another type of person you need to be on the lookout for, the energy vampire. We'll cover both of this peace of mind threats in this chapter so you can be more aware of what to look for and avoid like the plague!

Of course, you might be confused because we said that empaths are good judges of character. On the whole, that is true, but narcissists, in particular, are very cleverly disguised. Energy vampires are often mistaken for those in need, who turn out to simply be happy to suck the life right out of you - you’ve probably met one before, they simply don’t stop talking, moaning, and generally being negative. Avoid!

Why Certain People Can be More ‘Dangerous’ to an Empath Than Others

The word ‘dangerous’ is probably quite strong, but it is required in some cases. A narcissist, in particular, has the power to emotionally destroy an empath unless they can spot the narcissistic traits quite quickly and take action.

The reason these two groups of people, in particular, are dangerous for an empath’s peace of mind is that they feed off of emotions, and those are what an empath thrives on. Remember, empaths are very open-hearted and sensitive people. Human beings are generally quite wonderful, but there are very negative traits possessed by some, e.g. the desire to hurt others, and the desire to take what they can from another person, without really caring about the feelings of the other person. This is a risk for everyone the world over, not just for an empath, but the depth of an empath’s feelings means that they are far more likely to be hurt for a longer period of time than someone who doesn’t have empathic tendencies.

Heartbreak for an empath can feel like the literal end of the world. Whilst heartbreak is never a good thing in any situation, and can literally be devastating, for an empath it can feel like a complete rejection of every single part of their personality. Why did they do this to me? What is wrong with me? How could they be so mean? What is the point in having feelings like this? These are thoughts that an empath will have after they have been hurt by another person. Their feelings are magnified to the point of being so overwhelming that eating, sleeping, and going about their daily activities can be borderline impossible for a while.

With all of this in mind, it’s vital to be able to shield yourself from two specific types of people.

Narcissists and Empaths

This chapter is not designed to be negative, it is designed to be informative, so let’s just get that out there now. This particular section is going to be one of the most important you will read, whether you’re an empath or you’re not. We are all at risk of meeting a narcissist and being totally and utterly devastated by their selfish actions. An empath, however, is likely to be steamrolled by one, and may never be quite so open-hearted again as a result.

Firstly, what is a narcissist?

A narcissist is a person who has the following traits:

•  Very selfish

• Everything is about them and they don’t care about the thoughts, feelings, or opinions of others - their opinion is the right one and yours is wrong

• A huge sense of self-importance

• Very vain in their appearance

• Always bragging and talking up their achievements

• An overwhelming sense of entitlement

• Often puts down other people or belittles them

• Often needs praise or admiration in order to feel good

• Drags other people down to make themselves feel better

From that, you might think that by meeting a narcissist you’re actually meeting the devil. The problem is, narcissists, are far more common than you might think, and the severity of narcissistic behavior can be mild to severe, with several notches in-between.

A trust narcissist actually can’t help their actions to some degree, because they suffer from a personality disorder called ‘narcissistic personality disorder’. Personality disorders all come under the mental health umbrella, and whilst there are treatment and behavioral therapy available for narcissistic people, it takes acceptance of the problem in the first place. For a narcissist, this is highly unlikely to happen. In the eyes of a narcissist, you're the problem, not them.

To an empath, a narcissist is a true emotional bully. The problem is that narcissists are actually attracted to empaths because of their openness and sensitivity. They falsely see this as a weakness, and an ‘in’. Narcissists like to control people because it makes them feel better about themselves and they use a method called ‘gaslighting’.

You’ve probably heard of gas lighting as it has been in the news and in magazines a lot over the last few years. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, which takes the form of causing the person to question their own sanity. For instance, a narcissist will cause so much emotional distress that you start to wonder whether it’s them doing it, or whether there is something truly wrong with you. You’ll then start to believe that their actions are your fault, e.g. they’re shouting at you because you’re wrong, or you’re creating problems when it’s really them doing things they shouldn’t. The problem with gas lighting is that it then prevents people from leaving those with narcissist tendencies, who refuse to change, because they’re not sure whether they’re the one in the wrong or their emotionally abusive partner.

Basically, narcissists play on emotions, and empaths are a huge bundle of emotions.

Can you see how damaging this could be, especially for an empath who hasn't yet learned how to control and manage their gift?

It isn’t easy to spot a narcissist, and it doesn’t help that there are so many notches in the severity ladder. You might meet someone who is slightly narcissist on occasion, or you might meet someone who is an all singing, all dancing narcissist. You won’t know this at first, however, as they will be the epitome of charm and wonder. Their traits won’t really come to the fore until you’re hooked, completely and utterly under their spell and probably 100% in love with them. Leaving a narcissistic partner takes extreme strength and staying away is even harder because you will always question whether you did the right thing.

For an empath, this is a million times more difficult. How to avoid these people? It’s difficult, but being aware of the traits, knowing your own self and being strong is vital. By doing this and knowing what to look for when red flags appear, you can get out of the relationship, or away from the person, before gas lighting and other problematic issues really begin.

Energy Vampires and Empaths

The second issue is less emotionally devastating but no less problematic. The energy vampire.

There are many different types of energy vampires, but they are much easier to spot than a narcissist. You will know if you’ve met an energy vampire because they will literally suck every little bit of life out of you, hence the name. They will take, take, take, and you’ll feel exhausted at the end of it.

A good example of an energy vampire is a person who you have noticed is very down. As an empath perhaps you feel their sadness, so you ask them what is wrong. Big mistake. This person then latches onto you and doesn’t let go. They talk, talk, talk, and talk some more. If you have given them your telephone number, that was an even bigger mistake, because they will continue to talk, even when you’re not there in person!

As an empath, you’re naturally kind and want to help, so it’s likely that you’ll probably always be there for this person, to listen and offer a shoulder to cry on. What you need to realize is that your self-care and health is just as vital as theirs.

Energy vampires in general lack empathy, which makes them difficult to be around. The other types of energy vampires you need to be on the lookout for are:

•  Dominant energy vampires

• ‘Playing the victim’ energy vampires

• The ‘everything is so negative’ energy vampire

• Judgmental energy vampires

The list goes on, but these are some of the main types which you need to avoid or minimize your time with. They will exhaust you emotionally and leave you needing to lay down in a darkened room for a time!

The Downsides of Being an Empath

This is the last negative word we're going to say about the whole empathy gift - promise! However, it's important to give a balanced view, and that means the good and the bad.

Always keep that story in your mind, especially as you read the next section. We need to cover the potential downsides of being an empath, so you know exactly what to expect.

As an empath, you are very emotionally intelligence, and that opens itself up to possible disadvantages too. Feelings are unpredictable and wild on occasion, and much of the time they can’t be controlled. What you need to remember is that feelings are only temporary, and are never a permanent state of mind, especially when they are not your own.

The main negative points of being an empath however are:

•  You feel the emotions of others, not only good but mostly bad - As humans, we tend to feel negative more than we feel positive. As a result, your empathic nature means that you’re going to feel more negative emotions than you deserve to feel. You have your own negative feelings (we all have them on occasion) as well as everyone else’s too.

• An increased chance of developing anxiety and depression - Feeling all of this negativity can be stressful and extremely overwhelming. It’s no surprise that someone with an empathic nature has a higher chance of becoming depressed or anxious as a result of everything that is going on. This is far more likely when that person doesn’t know how to center themselves and control their gift. By learning these tools, you'll drastically reduce the chances of this happening to you, and even eradicate it completely.

• You are so sensitive, even the news is stressful - If you watch the news and become extremely emotionally distressed at what you’re seeing, you’ll probably start to avoid reading it or watching it. That’s not surprising. The problem is, you’re cutting yourself off from the world by doing that. Again, coping mechanisms will help you learn to balance.

• People seek to take advantage of kind-hearted people - You’re a kind and open-hearted kind of person and that means that you are unfortunately open to those who like to take advantage of this. We mentioned narcissists and energy vampires, and it’s vital that you start to learn how to spot these people and get away from them before they have the chance to feed on your endless emotional pool.

• Every day is a whirlpool of emotions - You can feel a huge number of emotions within the spectrum within 24 hours. You can start the day feeling happy and content, and by the end of the day you’ve experienced extreme anger and sadness, gone back to feeling fine, felt ashamed and scared, and then ended the day simply feeling totally exhausted. Being able to soak up the emotions of others is a physically and mentally draining thing but taking time out for yourself and learning how to manage your gift will reduce the tiredness and symptoms you experience.

• You’re likely to become very tired, quite easily - Again, this is down to feel so many emotions within a short space of time. It’s so easy to become mentally drained and you start to feel physically achy and ill as a result. Have regular bouts of being with people and on your own, and recognize when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed. By doing that, you can take yourself out of the equation, before the problem becomes too much to bear.

• You might struggle with romantic relationships - Not all empaths struggle to form romantic relationships, but many do. The start of a relationship is confusing enough, without having to deal with your emotions and someone else’s too! Many empaths also worry about losing themselves within the relationship and as a result, they avoid any type of romantic union. This is a shame because empaths have an endless pool of love to give.

A person who knows they are an empath but can't cope with it, e.g. they haven't learned how to manage it, or someone who is completely aware of their gift will find everything a struggle. There is a lot of good news coming your way, however - by learning the tricks to manage the gift of empathy, and by knowing your own personal boundaries, you can maximize the potential of being an empath, and minimize the effects.

Now it’s time to be positive!

Chapter 7             How to Live with High Sensitivity

Being so intensely influenced by the environment has a way of making life difficult. Becoming a hermit and pushing away the outside world may seem tempting, but it’s not the answer. Keep in mind, even at home, the incessant ticking of an analog clock or your children tapping their pencils on their half-finished homework is going to work its way into the very depths of your mind. That being said, you can take a number of measures to help block the negative influences.

Headphones

Noise cancelling headphones could be your best friend if you’re an HSP. They’ll minimize the cacophony taking place around you and allow you to more easily process what’s inside your head. Alternatively, you might consider a simple pair of earbuds. You’ll have the freedom to choose the sounds you hear and control their volume.

Alternatives to Conventional Medication

Being more susceptible to pain as well as the medications meant to alleviate it could lead to a fair amount of misery, but your heightened sensitivity to substances may mean you don’t need the same medications your peers take for discomfort. Children’s acetaminophen, Ibuprofen or even cold and cough remedies might be enough to help. Steam and Neti pots could be suitable solutions for sinus congestion. Hot and cold compresses are also simple and effective options for a range of less complicated issues.

Lower the Lights

Whenever possible, close the blinds or curtains to block out natural light, and keep artificial illumination turned low. Sunglasses are an obvious countermeasure for the outdoors, but don’t be afraid to rely on them inside as well. Having random strangers give you odd glances and tap their temples to let you know you “forgot” to take off your shades is a small price to pay for fewer and less intense headaches and eye pain.

Small Avoidances

You can’t avoid everything negative in life, but there’s no shame in just saying “No” at times. Tell those in your social circle that you have no desire to see the latest blockbuster blood bath. Don’t watch the news; quickly scroll past any social media posts depicting violence, crime or hateful activities. If anyone wants to discuss “what happened the other day”, gently explain you can’t talk about it. It’s okay to perpetually remain behind the times, especially if you’re happier and healthier as a result. Another thing you can do is focus on finding certain places and specific times that suit your need for less commotion just to get errands done. For instance, go to a grocery store that has a lesser amount of customer flow either most of the time or some of the time. Keep an eye out for when most times throughout the day that will be busier. After five on the weekdays whenever most people are getting off work, and weekend evenings when most people will be out are times that you should keep in mind to prepare yourself for the flock of chaos that your sense might endure. Finding those small windows for productive times can make a great difference for the things you can’t avoid or put off.

Walk Away

Little can be done to dodge overpowering smells aside from nose plugs, and they’re not very practical. Oddly enough, smell is the one sensory perception not sent through the body’s natural sensory filtration system; the RAS, before reaching the brain. Still, the high sensitivity trait is hardwired into the brain as well as the entire nervous system. If the situation allows, no harm is likely to come from walking away or politely excusing yourself. The same can be said of scenarios where the volume exceeds your limits or negative feelings radiating from others have you on edge. Always be realistic with yourself and never minimize the overwhelming stimuli that can constantly come in. Take yourself out of the equation when necessary.

Seize Opportunities

While shutting out the entire world is neither healthy nor possible in most cases, a certain amount of seclusion is recommended. As an HSP, you need time for yourself and a quiet place in which to enjoy it. Forgo parties you know will be too boisterous for your own comfort. If working at home is an option, jump at the chance. You’ll have far more control over your work environment in your own home, and conflicts between coworkers aren’t likely to affect you quite so severely. Do some of your shopping online from home when the local malls and outlet centers are sure to be crowded and over-lit.

These are general resolutions relevant to everyday scenarios. As you delve into specific areas of your life, more in-depth solutions come into play. You can’t control all the situations you’ll encounter at home, at work or in a social setting, but you certainly have the power to decide how they’re allowed to affect you.

Home Life

Take pride in your home and make it a place that is relaxing to come home to and decompress. Your senses could have you feeling on edge from your day at work or errands that forced you to run around into crazy environments. While you can’t control the world or the chaos of certain places, you can always make efforts to turn your home into an environment that gives your senses some relief. If the sight of clutter or too many wall decorations is too much for your senses to handle, take a day to de-clutter and simplify your décor. Perhaps your home is bare and has barely any feel when you come home. Don’t let the constant demands of life away from home distract you from spending time on little things that could make a great difference every time you walk in your front door. Put peace in your home so it can return the favor to you.

Acceptance

As easy as it sounds, it can be hard for some people with high sensitivity to accept their trait. It can be tough for friends and family members to also accept especially if they are tired of having to go to certain restaurants, or save their violent movies to be watched with other people more tolerant of those genres. When an HSP picks up on this irritability that some of their loved ones face, they try to ignore their problems and pick activities or places to go to that are too much for their senses to handle.  Understanding how easily senses can be triggered can cause an HSP to become very indecisive or possess the need for control over a situation. Although you can’t control the world around you, there are ways to cope with the many obstacles you could be faced with. Remember to always be realistic with yourself and what your senses are able to endure. This acceptance can always help you avoid situations that could make you look bad. When you inevitably have get up and leave, or remain detached from the situation by limiting conversation and social interaction by putting in ear plugs, this could give off a negative impression to those around you. That is never a good look. When you have those gatherings that you can’t get out of and are more than necessary, there are coping skills to help with the over stimuli and some anxiety that can come with it.

Deep Breaths

When you feel that you’ve come to the point that you need to get up and leave or you want to shut out others in attempt to limit what your senses focus on, focus on taking deep breaths in at a slow pace. This will help calm you down and make you a little more capable of cooperation. Make sure not to breathe in and out at a fast pace as this could make your situation worse by hyperventilating; thus, furthermore stressing you out.

Counting to Ten

When someone says something to set you off, avoid a confrontation or fight by counting to five, ten, or even twenty seconds. Take time to pause and compose yourself before making matters worse that could send your senses off the deep end. HSP’s are usually quick to respond to any situation especially if it’s a heated argument.

Keep a Positive Sense of Humor

Instead of letting some things set you off or cause you to be increasingly more irritable to the situation, try to stay positive and keep your thoughts from becoming negative. At the very least, try to find humor in a situation before jumping out of your seat or jamming ear plugs in as an attempt to handle the situation. Although, this response might not be appropriate for all occasions. When it’s a serious matter at hand, or there is nothing to be confused with humorous, this attempt might not have the ability to make things appear a little more desirable. At most other times, this could lighten the burden that your heightened senses could bring in some situations.

Focus

Although it may seem ironical for someone to tell an HSP to focus, this could sometimes be the response your senses need to be able to give you more control over them. At first, everything around you does not become background noise naturally, but you can attempt to do this by choosing one thing to focus your attention on. For instance, at a concert or restaurant, when there are people all around you and a range of different noises going on, find your focal point. At a dinner, find someone nearby that you can engage in one on one conversation with. Direct your senses towards their responses and reactions to you. This person will have your undivided attention and that will certainly give you a good impression. At a concert, while being surrounded by very enthusiastic fans that can cause your senses irritability, ear plugs obviously aren’t the answer. Either focus your eyes on the view of the music artists, or try closing your eyes in an attempt to hear the music better. Although you can’t just ignore what your senses pick up on, you can try to direct them in an attempt to distract them from everything you don’t wish to focus on and overwhelm yourself with.

Chapter 8             Social Interaction as a Highly Sensitive Person

First and foremost, the importance of explaining your plight to your closest friends and family members can’t be overemphasized. There are plenty of others out there who understand very well everything that you struggle with. You may find a couple of your friends are a fellow HSP’s and were reluctant to share this with you due to the common stereotypes and misunderstandings. There are plenty of support groups online where you can meet other HSP’s that share your struggles and strengths. This can be a good source of help when you need someone to vent to or socialize with and you need someone who understands how challenging it can be. By looking for people that also have this trait, you can limit the amount of negative reactions you face from your social circle. Some will readily attempt to understand what you’re going through and accommodate your needs. Others won’t comprehend your struggle in the least and will make no effort to understand.

Truly understanding what you’re going through will be difficult for those on the outside looking in. Many won’t hesitate to voice their doubts. You’re bound to hear all the typical objections:

●      You’re just being overly sensitive.

●      You’re over-thinking this.

●      You take everything too personally.

●      You wear your heart on your sleeve.

Of course, there’s every HSP’s personal favorite:

●      Just stop thinking about it.

Few people realize you can’t just stop thinking about it. You can’t ignore the HSP trait any more than a diabetic can will his or her pancreas to work properly. Anytime you’re able to choose the company you keep, try to limit social interaction to those who at least try to understand.

Don’t be afraid to tell your friends you can’t handle the tastes or aromas of authentic Mexican food. Suggest a more Americanized southwestern-style venue for lunch. HSP’s are more likely to have food sensitivities or allergies. Avoid conflict by picking a restaurant with great variety on their menu so you can stick to what works for you while others can be more adventurous with their tastes. Explain just how profoundly a deeply emotional movie will affect you, and ask if a more lighthearted romantic comedy might be an acceptable compromise.

A lot can be said for keeping your go-to social circle small, but in some cases, you’ll be faced with larger, less forgiving crowds. Your best friends have their own social lives to live, and they’ll have the occasional birthday party or wedding you just can’t get out of attending. Family gatherings are also prime examples of potentially nerve wracking events for HSP’s. People are excited, they get too loud, lights and music are blaring and any number of smells invade your space. It’s enough to send anyone into sensory overload, but you’re particularly susceptible.

Being an HSP is by no means a weakness, so play on your strengths. Your unique attention to detail makes you an asset to any event. Focus on the little matters catching your attention. Set right the overturned vases. If the mood in the room seems to be taking a downward turn, tell the DJ to play something with a little more pep. Aunt Sue is obviously unhappy with her current seating arrangements, so direct her to a more comfortable chair. Make a special effort to chat with the attendees everyone else seems to be ignoring, and work your way into the kitchen to get a head start on the cleanup efforts.

Focusing on specific details gives you more control over the situation and directs your attention away from those things apt to bother you. Nonetheless, finding a quieter, less populated room is never a bad idea. Don’t hesitate to plan out your escape route, too. Either drive yourself to the venue or have a reliable ride on speed dial, so when you’ve had all you can take, you can leave just as easily as you arrived.

Caution

In attempt to tune down or tune out your senses, HSP’s are more susceptible to abusing drugs and alcohol. While there are some drugs out there that heighten senses, there are plenty of others that can suppress them. Regardless of choice, some HSP’s can use these to their own device as a mental wall. Whether they are using it as a way to block out emotions they feel that they cannot deal with, or to suppress emotions in attempt to cope with situations and environments their social circles may take them to, it is something they must monitor. Addictions can arise, thus making life more difficult and damaging to their emotional well-being. Always try to drink moderately and stay away from substances that could have negative impacts on your life.

Chapter 9             Close Relationships

Highly sensitive individuals are often seen as powerless or broken. Yet to feel powerless isn’t a side effect of shortcoming; it is just a normal reaction of a truly compassionate individual. It isn’t the sensitive individual who is broken; it is society’s understanding that is debilitated. There is zero disgrace in communicating your true emotions. The individuals who are, on occasion, portrayed as being “excessively passionate” or “muddled” are the very texture of what keeps the fantasy alive for a caring and thoughtful world. Never be embarrassed to let your emotions and tears shed a welcoming light in this world.

With that said, being a highly sensitive person can become confusing at times and cause individuals to ponder on a few questions such as: Why do I get overpowered by ordinary undertakings that others take in their stride? Why do I consider insults that should be overlooked? Why are nuances amplified for me but lost on others?

It resembles you were brought into the world missing a defensive layer of skin that others appear to have.

You attempt to conceal it. Numb it. Block it out. However, the remarks still penetrate your defensive layer: “You’re overthinking things. You’re excessively sensitive. Toughen up!”

You’re left pondering what on earth might be the matter with you. You yearn for that faces the same situations as you and think about things the same way you do. Won’t it be wonderful to hear the words, “You feel the same way? So do I!”

Numerous sensitive individuals feel disengaged from others. They feel misconstrued and abnormal and then often don’t have the foggiest idea why. They simply don’t understand that they have a basic characteristic that clarifies their peculiarities.

Upon doing a little research of your own, you might find that many famous figures over the ages were indeed highly sensitive individuals. Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King, and Steve Jobs all had the powerful gift of being sensitive people. Any HSP would consider this to be incredible news since it implies that sensitive souls aren’t innately hindered.

However, when we don’t understand how to deal with our affectability, we end up pushing too hard to even consider keeping up with other individuals. We endeavor to do what others appear to deal with effortlessly and attempt to show improvement over them. What’s more, this prompts issues.

For a period, we complete a top-notch occupation of utilizing our regular blessings: we’re inventive understudies and principled representatives. But when we hammer on past our cut-off points, we can cause ourselves significant physical injury. It appears in the form of muscle or joint pressures we can’t dispose of and being unendingly exhausted or nervous without any justifiable cause.

In the event that you reverberate with any of this, here are ten ways you, as a sensitive individual, can make use of to quit battling and begin flourishing:

Stop Hunting Down Somebody or Something to Fix You

Sensitivity or being sensitive has to do with your temperament and should not be seen as a medicinal issue. Thus, nothing is naturally amiss with you. Tragically, however, many professionals don’t comprehend this in light of the fact that tactile handling sensitivity, researching this emotional state is still in its infancy.

Of course, very sensitive individuals are bound to have hypersensitivities or sensitivities to nourishment, synthetic substances as well as prescriptions. Furthermore, they’re progressively inclined to overstimulation, along these lines finding it easier to feel pressure—which can prompt other medical problems. However, sensitivity in itself isn’t something that needs settling but rather ways of coping with sensitive situations.

Individuals who handle their sensitive nature with ease understand that they’re not “broken.” If your psyche is depleted from hectically investigating one more answer to remove your “blemishes,” realize that the responses to living in amicability with your sensitive nature live inside you.

Let Yourself Know That You Are Not Fake

Impostor disorder isn’t selective to exceedingly sensitive individuals. Numerous high accomplishing individuals succumb to this annoying apprehension. Yet the stewing distress about being discovered is consistent for a sensitive individual.

Is there any good reason it wouldn’t be, considering you’ve spent a lifetime of feeling different from others and endeavoring to fit in? Perhaps you accuse the tears in your eyes amid that television ad, or you agree to accept the organization fun run despite the fact that you detest running and you realize you’ll feel embarrassed about what extent your body will take to recoup. Regardless of whether you grew up showing your sensitivity with satisfaction, it’s improbable you got away from the social weight inspiring you to camouflage your genuine self to fit the standards of others.

Flourishing sensitive individuals regard that their sensory systems are wired uniquely in contrast to 80–85 percent of individuals. Honing your accomplishments and qualities enables you to show the real you.

Search for Like-Minded People and Realize That You are Not the Only One

You feel overpowered by society, and you feel alone. However, in all actuality, you’re most certainly not. Many have encountered disarray in segregation before finding that crowds of individuals have some sense of what it resembles to be you. They’ve felt the flood of intensity that originates from being bolstered by like-minded people. Also, they need to show proactive kindness.

The key is to spend time with sensitive individuals who are thriving, or if nothing else, open to those potential outcomes. They comprehend how to deal with their sensitivity, yet they know how to employ its superpowers. They comprehend what it resembles for you to feel under attack, and they can offer firsthand involvement and insight to enable you to make your sensitivities work to support you.

Thriving sensitives acknowledge and relish the qualities of sensitivity in themselves as well as other people. In case you’re feeling unsupported or misconstrued, discover a sensitively proficient mentor, tutor, or network who gets you and support that association.

Search for the Concealed Energy in Each Circumstance and Relish in It

The cerebrum is an incredible channel that molds encounters and views of the real world. In the event that you think the world is an unsafe place, your cerebrum is wired to chase after proof of a threat. If you trust it’s a safe spot, you can train yourself to search for spots similar to this. What you center around, you get a greater amount of.

As an exceedingly sensitive individual, the more negative the earth, the more you endure. However, the inverse is also valid—the more positive, the more you flourish; even when it is in contrast with others.

The act of thinking is a way to stimulate your sensory system. As a sensitive person, you need to learn to recognize the negative but not overlook it and then release it. Inundate yourself in positive musings and circumstances that make you feel better, or possibly give you a mitigating liberating sensation.

Thriving sensitives choose to see the world overflowing with chances to feel appreciative for and to relish in that positive vibe. In case you’re feeling helpless amid certain conditions, understand that your contemplations and the passionate charges they trigger are at your command.

Find New Ways to Deal with Old Tricks

Your endowments of sensitivity incorporate profound reflection and intuition to see all points and outcomes. By being profound, you’re effectively overpowered and depleted by incitement. Also, when you don’t comprehend why you feel and act in the manners in which you do, it’s anything but difficult to outline these as defects.

In truth, these “shortcomings” are just your neglected need for support. In reframing your past and supporting your present, you set yourself up for achievement in your future.

Thriving sensitives reconsider old observations in light of their more profound understandings of sensitivity. In case you’re overloaded by the hypersensitive and ignored parts of yourself, look to find the opposite side of the situation where you’ll discover a portion of your most noteworthy qualities: instinct, vision, and honesty.

Treat Yourself with Sympathy

As a very sensitive individual, you are profoundly caring—to such an extent that putting others’ needs before your very own is second nature. What’s more, you’re regularly your own greatest commentator. You propel yourself hard, and after that, you beat yourself up when you come up short. You scrutinize yourself in manners you’d never dream of doing to others.

Controlling your bothering feelings is fundamental to self-empathy. However, as opposed to prevalent thinking, you shouldn’t do so by disregarding it. Profound thinking is of your endowments, so why not grasp that control? Take control by listening to your musings without judgment and afterward rotating to contemplations that trigger kinder and more cherishing feelings in your body. From that “feel better” place, you’re ready to live positively.

Thriving HSP demonstrates to themselves the equivalent cherishing sympathy that they’re normally great at giving others. It might feel childish or vain at first; however, it’s most certainly not. In the event that your basic internal voice is cheapening your identity, answer back with self-generosity as this is the antitoxin.

Create Boundaries That Aren’t Ridden with Emotion

We live in a culture that qualities “take a painkiller and push on” undeniably more than it esteems sensitivity. We grow up hearing, “No agony, no increase,” “Survival of the fittest,” “Life isn’t fair, so get used to it.” We appreciate the individuals who show coarseness to beat their awful predicaments.

As an exceptionally sensitive individual, your reflex response might be to solidify up or battle to toughen up. You create walls to shield yourself from hurt. Emotional walls, for example, can be smothering sentiments or making sensational strife to occupy from the genuine reasons for agony. Physical walls, for example, can be heaped on layers of work to take cover behind. Mental walls, for example, can be blocking out everything around you with liquor or medications.

You may give every one of your limits a chance to fall without a moment’s delay, along these lines unwittingly engrossing others’ energies and feeling eaten up by their feelings. You endeavor to get away from the emotions by becoming involved with overthinking everything: perpetually arranging and investigating while putting some distance between your instincts. So you beat yourself up about how you realize you ought to have better limits. It’s an endless loop.

Thriving sensitives exemplify delicate yet firm limits. If you battle to put your own needs first, which doesn’t fall into place easily for a very sensitive individual, settle on a cognizant decision to rehearse the aptitude of saying “no” with adoration and elegance or cutting out alone time to energize and choose to like that.

Listen to What Your Body Tells You in Order to Avoid Emotional Strain

Numerous very sensitive individuals figure out how to disregard the messages their bodies are sending them. They change it to evade overpower, or they check out others’ needs rather than their very own to meet what’s anticipated of them. Does this sound like you?

Doing this abandons you swinging like a pendulum. Not listening to your body swings you forward and backward between being over-animated and mind-numbingly exhausted, counting calories and after that gorging or practicing hard and afterward requiring a few days to recoup.

Thriving sensitive individuals check out the physical sensations in their bodies; they acknowledge that it’s not constantly agreeable, yet they trust their bodies to direct them. If you have a propensity for escaping emotions or passing the purpose of overpower, figure out how to perceive your body’s unpretentious indications of overstimulation. You’ll invest less energy being tossed out of parity and additional time influencing your sensory system’s scope of ideal excitement.

Make Use of Healthy Habits

In the long run, everything catches with you. Overwhelming hours at work, trailed by hard perspiration at the gym and keeping things afloat in your home—all powered by horrible weight control plans and insignificant rest or downtime. It’s a simple snare to fall into on the grounds that you’re essentially living the manner in which you see the vast majority get by on.

In addition, some unhealthy habits can take its toll on a sensitive sensory system—like nourishments that are vigorously handled and siphoned with sugar and fake substances, or exercise that is not accompanied with sufficient recuperation time.

If you permit excessive incitements without rest in between, you risk getting sick. However, if you overprotect yourself, your virtuoso goes unexpressed, and that, likewise, can prompt your well-being to be put into jeopardy.

Thriving sensitive individuals practice propensities that really support them. In the event that you battle with vitality or prosperity issues, organize propensities that support these parts of your life (for example, more rest and alone time), and a point of confinement if something over-invigorates you (for example, an excessive number of high weights exercises—regardless of whether they are allegedly sound).

Don’t Try to Suppress Your Sensitivity

After a lifetime of being shelled by stimuli, it turns out to be second nature to drive sensitivity out of the conscious mind. You, for example, block out certain sensations, for instance, so you can imagine you don’t care at all. You condition down extreme emotions (great and awful), so you aren’t on a crazy ride. You smother feelings to get a break from everything and everyone around you.

This self-defensive instrument may trick your conscious personality, yet it doesn’t trick your sensitive body. This affects your well-being, your connections, your vocation—in short, each part of your life—and it manufactures strain until something’s got to give.

Thriving sensitives let go of the grip for control. When you free the vitality used to hold on tight, you free the blessings of sensitivity that have been lost to you: sympathy, imagination, and elevated satisfaction, to give some examples. What’s more, you enable your actual potential to bloom.

Remember that the way to flourishing as a very sensitive individual, more than all else, is to perceive that it’s all right to be sensitive—with its difficulties and qualities.

Utilize your profound brain to perceive shrouded understandings, and purposely refocus on energy and conceivable outcomes.

Utilize your profound body to tune in your feelings and sensations, and remain in your ideal scope of excitement as frequently as could reasonably be expected.

Utilize your increased attention to move to whatever beat you. It would be ideal for you regardless of whether it appears to be odd to many individuals.

Chapter 10    General Health and lifestyle for HSPs

Although there are many obstacles that could get in the way of your senses, there are far too many other traits that serve as a huge plus to being highly sensitive. This is where HSP’s have more power than the average person’s senses.

Creativity

When your senses are always on overdrive, this brings in a tremendous amount of information that your mind processes differently than most others. You may find a different outlook on a situation that could turn into a brilliant idea for a painting or book. You feel everything much more deeply to levels that give you more emotions that you feel compelled to write about and sometimes to just get off your chest. Many HSP’s have occupations as writers and artists for this very reason. The urge to express yourself can be a priority at times. Maybe there’s a problem at work and none of your co-workers are coming up with any ideas on how to solve the matter. You, however, will be one of the firsts to suggest a solution and your idea is more likely to work since you have to brain power to already have thoroughly thought everything out.

Health

There are some traits that come with being an HSP that could benefit health. HSP’s are likely to have faster reflexes, keeping them out of harm’s way. HSP’s are also less likely to use stimulants like coffee. It is easier to wake up when your senses seem to always be awake. The long term effects of coffee could range from Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), complicating pre-existing diabetes, and can increase the risk of heart disease especially when coffee is unfiltered. Since you are the first to notice subtle changes in the world around you, you will also be able to spot when some changes occur in your body or your normal routine. HSP’s are highly in tune with their bodies. This serves you the upper hand in noticing anything that could be a sign of something serious that could turn into a more potentially life-threatening or a life-altering situation. Symptoms and outcomes could turn for worse without being spotted early on with your quick and thorough senses.

Sense of Self

When you notice a hundred more details than a few, you have more chances of having a thorough knowledge of who you are and what you truly desire in life. This allows HSP’s to figure out their desired road map to life much more quickly than most others. While the average person may be stumbling around from career to career, and still wondering what they are chasing, HSP’s are already on the run for their life goals. Determination is easier found when you desire a goal ten times more than others with the same goal and average senses. Every positive and negative reaction HSP’s face in life is only an intense indication of who they are or what their bodies can’t withstand.

Sense of Pleasure

When HSP’s find a new favorite song, movie, or hobby, they have a more intense experience with these new discoveries. Whether you love art, love doing a great job at work, or have a big dream that you strive to make reality, your heightened sense of pleasure will help push you through. Having a better understanding of yourself only makes it crystal clear what you love and what goal you are working towards.

Vivid and Emotional Dreams

HSP’s are not only more likely to have intense vivid dreams that pertain to emotional areas of their life, but they are much more likely to recall many details about their dreams. Dreams are a very inner reflection of our lives and subconscious. There are dream dictionaries online that can be used to translate the specific meaning of objects and colors that appear in dreams. When HSP’s pay close attention to these indications of what their subconscious is speaking, it could help them realize things that they are missing in their waking life.

Compassion and Kindness

When HSP’s have a higher sense of what they feel and who they are, they also have a better sense of what other people feel and who they really are. This is another reason why they make good counselors and teachers. HSP’s are more likely to have a big heart and a good understanding of what can potentially hurt others. This allows them to give out kindness more freely and feel a deep level of compassion for others.

Intuition

Not claiming that HSP’s are psychic, but that details that most people are likely to overlook, can add up easier in the mind of an HSP. This allows you to predict how things will play out in the near future. HSP’s have a great sense of situations and are able to feel energy. You are the first to point out that something isn’t right in a situation. Your gut instincts can drive you through situations that most people have no second thought about. Instead of thinking of yourself as an HSP with five heightened senses, it’s as if you have six senses.

Sense of Nature

HSP’s have also been known to easily predict weather. You are the first to notice the change in the wind and humidity levels. Sometimes, you are just able to sense when a storm is coming. When you go camping or on a brief walk, you will get more out of the experience. Your friends that may join you won’t notice the way moss grows on various objects, or the way the birds change their chirping tones. The leaves rustling against each other in the wind will send your senses into an inner pool of peace.

The Industrious

Since HSP’s are more likely to have high levels of motivation and be very determined individuals, it makes complete sense for them to be dedicated, hard workers. They are prone to also be perfectionists. When you notice so many details at once in a project, you may have the compelling desire to address every odd and end that pops out at you. Although some employers may become irritated by this nature, other employers out there love people who are this hard working and take the time to thoroughly complete their tasks and assignments. Along with HSP’s having great gut instincts, fast reflexes, and better memories for either dreams or a real life occurrence, there’s no question why some of them also make great detectives. While observing details and being able to quickly recall them, they will also notice when someone’s tone of voice or body language indicates that they are lying. Although some HSP’s cannot handle the gruesome reality of criminals and cases, some of them seem to be made for the job. Any person that processes and completes a task thoroughly does a diligent job. The diligence is ten times more when you are an HSP.

Chapter 11     Making Spiritual Contact With Empathy

From this point onwards we're going to give you practical and helpful advice. This advice will allow you to manage your gift and avoid the negative downsides which are associated with being an empath. Spiritual healing tools may be of great help to you and these are things you should learn a little more about.

Of course, these tools may not be for you and you may not be able to connect with them on any level - that’s fine; spirituality is a personal thing and what works for one person may not work for another. What you should do however is open your mind to at least trying them out, and only then you really can make a firm decision on whether these tools are helpful to you or not.

This chapter is going to outline a few of those tools before touching on techniques to help you separate your own emotions from those of other people. Meditation is also something you might like to try, and whilst this is something many people find difficult at first, it certainly can be learned, with a little perseverance.

Spiritual Healing Tools to Help You as an Empath

Learning how to protect yourself from negative energies is vital if you want to live a balanced and happy life as an empath. There are many ways you can achieve that protection; some methods are self-help, e.g. taking time out for yourself and using the power of nature, but some are a little more towards the spiritual side.

If you don’t consider yourself a particularly spiritual person, it’s certainly still worth giving these tools a try. You will, however, need to open your mind and attempt to believe that they will work. A lot of the power of these types of tools is in your belief system. The power of the mind is a wonderful thing.

We’ll cover three of the most common and the easiest, to begin with. Many empaths also move more towards the spiritual side of chakras and spirit guides to help block out negative energies, but this is something you can explore yourself if you feel the need to do so. For now, let’s stick with the more ‘mainstream’ methods to try first of all.

Crystals and Stones

There are many different crystals and stones, and all have particular qualities. For instance, if you want to be more confident in yourself and attract love, you should wear rose quartz, and if you want to attract abundance, you should go for green colored stones, such as citrine or green jade. Black colored stones such as black tourmaline, obsidian and onyx are known to be protective stones and have a certain amount of grounding power, which is vital for an empath who wants to protect themselves from negative energies.

All you need to do is carry the stone with you and hold it in your hand when you’re starting to feel a little overwhelmed. You could even try meditating with the stone if you want a little extra power, and we’ll talk about meditation in a short while. Many empaths choose to wear protective stones and crystals as pieces of jewelry, e.g. a necklace, as a constant source of protection.

Visualizing Your Own Personal Shield

A very common and useful method of protection is visualization, and this comes in the form of imagining an energy shield around you, which stops any negativity from entering into your space. This is particularly useful if you’re out in public, e.g. if you’re sat at a bus stop and someone stands next to you who is particularly emotional. By imagining this shield around you, wrapped tight like a protective barrier, which nothing can penetrate, you are mentally pushing away emotions which may otherwise have the power to overwhelm you.

Imagining a personal shield takes practice, but the more you do it, the easier it will be to call upon it in times of need. Practice at home first of all and it might also be useful to image your shield as a color; this makes it easier to see in your mind’s eye. Many people opt for white light.

Smudging

Smudging is a form of spiritual tool, which basically sweeps negative energies away from your home. This makes your home a space of sanctuary and somewhere you can escape to, in order to regroup and recharge yourself at the end of a long day. Smudging itself involves burning herbs and many people find that either too difficult or too overpowering to their senses - remember that empaths often have a very strong and sensitive sense of smell. A good alternative, with the same results, is to burn incense instead.

You might think using another strong-smelling item is against the sentence we’ve just written, but incense has known calming effects. However, you do need to make sure that you go for high-quality incense and not the cheap versions you will find in your local supermarket!

By burning incense and allowing it to rid your home of negative energies, you’re creating a more balanced and positive space.

In order to use this form of smudging you simply need an incense holder, a stick of incense and a candle. You then simply light the stick from the candle flame, remembering to blow out the candle as soon as the incense has lit, carefully place the stick into the holder, so it doesn’t fall over, and that’s it! Simply let the incense burn until it has finished, and your home should be free of negativity.

These few spiritual healing tools are certainly ideal for beginners and don’t require a huge amount of equipment in order to give them a try. Of course, one size doesn’t fit all, so be sure to try a few before settling on the method which works for you. It could also be that spiritual healing tools just aren’t your thing, and in that case, it’s going to be more about allowing yourself time away from others, setting boundaries, and self-care.

How to Separate Your Emotions from Those of Others

One of the biggest problems for an empath is learning how to separate their emotions, from those of others around them. This can be extremely difficult, especially for someone who is yet to really get a handle on their emotions and the way they feel as an empath. Understanding how to separate your emotions from those around you is the first step to really being able to protect yourself as an empath. By knowing when you’re experiencing the transfer of emotions from someone else, you can extract yourself from the situation far more easily, before you become overwhelmed.

The question is, however, how can you be sure whether it is someone else’s emotions you’re feeling, and not your own? Becoming mindful of the way you are feeling every single day is a good starting point, and in that case, a journal is a great idea.

Every day before you go to work write a few words down which sum up the way you’re feeling. If you’ve woken up feeling tired and a little moody, write it down if you’ve woken up feeling fine, with nothing really of note to report, write that down too. At lunchtime, do the same thing, and again when you finish work. This exercise will help you become more at one with what your emotional state is, and you can then pinpoint when someone else’s emotions are coming towards you much easier. You will obviously need to repeat this for a short while so that it becomes second nature to you, but the more you do it, the more effective it will be.

Being mindful of your own emotional state is the single best way to be able to separate your feelings from those of others, but you can also be mindful of the way your feelings change when you are around other people. For instance, you might suddenly start to feel differently, and the fact that the change happened rapidly will be informed enough to tell you that these emotions aren't yours. In that case, you can leave the situation far easier than otherwise. Staying in that situation for too long, falsely thinking that the emotions are actually yours, is a fast-track towards empathic burnout, something we’re going to talk about in more detail later on.

The Art of Meditation

One of the best ways for an empath to really ground and center themselves is by learning the art of meditation.

The problem with meditation is that many people have a false idea of what it is, and as a result, they avoid trying it for themselves. Meditation doesn’t have to be difficult, and it doesn’t have to involve chanting or any type of special moves. Meditation can be as simple as being quiet and turning your thoughts inwards, or simply being mindful of the things which are around you. What every type of meditation requires, however, is the ability to be able to quieten the mind.

We live in very stressful and busy times, and we are rarely ever disconnected and at peace from the things which are circling around us. For instance, we always have our phones with us, we’re always on social media, there is always music in the background, perhaps the TV on, the radio when we’re driving, people talking wherever we go. This constant chatter and white noise can be distracting, and when you’re attempting to meditate, you need to be able to cut out this out and focus on your breath. By doing this, you can explore answers to problems, but you can also simply give yourself time to ‘be’, and to stay in your original emotional state, without being affected by the feelings of anyone else around you.

So, how to begin meditating?

There are countless different types of meditation, but for an empath, there are two main methods to try as a starting point. Let’s explore these now.

Method 1 - Self-Awareness

This particular meditation exercise allows you to turn off your reactions to the outside world and to turn everything internal. This means that you focus only on yourself and your own feelings. The more you practice this type of meditation, the easier it will become, so don’t worry if the first few times you can’t quite manage to turn off the noise, or actually get yourself into a quiet state.

Make yourself comfortable, either sitting in a comfortable chair or lying down in bed. If you’re cold, grab a blanket, etc. You need to be comfortable temperature-wise and in terms of how light or dark it is, in order to avoid your mind becoming distracted.

Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Breathe in through your nose for a count of five, in a slow and even manner. Pause for a count of three, and then exhale through your mouth in the same slow and even manner, for another count of five. Continue this throughout the exercise. This type of breathing is very useful for many different situations, e.g. if you’re feeling anxious, panicked, or you need to turn attention inwards in general.

Once you feel relaxed, turn your attention towards your toes. Scan for any aches or discomfort in the area. It might help to tense the part of your body you’re focusing on, hold it for a few seconds and then release.

Once you’ve finished scanning your toes, move to your feet and repeat the process. Slowly make your way up your entire body. By the time you reach the top of your head, you should be completely calm and focused, without any outside interferences.

Once you get yourself into this deeply relaxed state, do not put pressure on yourself to feel or do anything. Simply focus on your body and the way it feels when you think about a certain part of your body, or when you tense up and relax. Relaxation is so vital for empaths, and this is something you could try and do on a regular basis, to really grab the benefits. This particular exercise also helps to make you far more self-aware, and that will be a great source of protection against negative energies. It will also help you become more aware of the emotions that are yours, versus those from other people.

When you’re ready to come out of your meditative state, simply set out your intention and allow yourself to come back ‘to’ in a slow and even manner. Don’t suddenly sit up as this could be a rather abrupt shock to the system! Lay still for a few minutes and slowly sit up, bringing your attention and awareness back to the room calmly.

Method 2 - Mindfulness

Mindfulness meditation is one of the easiest starting points for anyone to try because you don’t necessarily need to do anything other than be aware of what is around you. It is far better to practice this type of meditation outside, e.g. within any type of nature, as it will hold more power for you and therefore have greater benefits. You can do this type of meditation whilst you’re walking to work.

Repeat the breathing exercise from the self-awareness meditation, e.g. breathing in through your nose, pausing, and exhaling through your mouth. You can do this without closing your eyes, you simply need to focus your attention on your breath entirely.

Look around you and notice the small details. For instance, notice the leaves on the trees you’re walking past and how green they are, notice the feel of the wind against your skin, the noise it makes as it gently whistles past. The more aware you are of your actual surroundings, you’re taking your attention away from your emotions, and therefore ground yourself whilst you’re outside.

As you can see, mindfulness meditation is by far the easiest method, but it takes focus and practice even still.

If you want to continue your meditation journey there are many other types of meditation you can try, including guided meditation. This may be useful if you’re really struggling to focus yourself and you need a more formal and rigid exercise. This type of meditation is usually done in a class, which may not be ideal for an empath, and in that case, why not download a podcast and try it at home? You simply listen to the words and follow the instructions.

Chapter 12     Rest and Recharge

He was a man at the peak of his military and political success. Vilified as a monster and praised as a saint in the same breath. Napoleon Bonaparte’s campaign to invade Russia would come to be known as one of his most ambitious undertakings as well as his greatest failure. Assembling what was the largest army ever at that time, Napoleon’s force of 680,000 soldiers would dwindle to fewer than 30,000 in less than six months. What many historians cite as the root of Napoleon’s failure isn’t that the opposing forces out-strategized him, rather it was that he simply took on more than he could handle. Napoleon’s ill preparation to battle, lack of food and water as well as the persistent, bone piercingly cold weather was the wall that halted the man the world had deemed unstoppable. The military and social pressures that likely guided Napoleon to shun retreat are similar to the stigmas that still exist today. In our highly competitive society, rest is often painted as weakness, while retreat is quickly dismissed as giving up, but that misconception remains just as dangerous to your success as it was to Napoleon’s hundreds of years ago. As you apply each of the principles it is crucial that you do not overstrain your emotions. Leaving yourself anxious and exhausted benefits neither you nor those around you. The truth is that growth takes time and while there may be a temptation to rush these steps, slow and steady is what will win the race. It’s natural to be nervous about applying these steps in the beginning, especially if it’s your first time doing so, but continually adding to your stress and stretching yourself thin for extended periods is inproductive and even dangerous behavior. Whether it’s a difficulty with a friend or an overwhelming amount of work at your job, having a plan to retreat, recharge, and reassure yourself is crucial to getting back at the issue stronger than before. No one can continue going non-stop. Being aware of the dangers in doing so as well as the best way to know your limits and relax when necessary are some of the most important steps to sustainable success.

Stress: The Unseen Killer

Our view of stress has progressed with science’s ability to monitor its effects. For years, it had been painted as something trivial. It’s diagnosis was generally followed with no more than, “sleep it off,” or “try not to be so easily overwhelmed,” as if those who struggled with anxiety were simply being over dramatic. Today, we’ve learned the very opposite is true but our response remains just as ill suited. Being hard on yourself or taking on too much responsibility can often create more of the very anxiety that you’re trying to address. Brian Krans, a writer for Healthline, excellently summarized the findings of a paper titled Cognitive Emotion Regulation Fails Stress Test that was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science of the United States of America when he said,

“A recent study by neuroscientists at New York University found that even mild levels of stress can impair our ability to keep a grip on our emotions. In their study, researchers taught subjects stress-control techniques. But after participants were put under mild stress by having their hands dunked in icy water, they couldn’t easily calm themselves down when shown pictures of snakes or spiders. “Our results suggest that even mild stress, such as that encountered in daily life, may impair the ability to use cognitive techniques known to control fear and anxiety,””

The steps we’ve walked through to empower your empathy and manage your sensitivity are not meant to be applied all at once. The principles are sound, but are only effective if acted upon properly. And that is an area completely in your control. Research shows that stress actually inhibits your ability to deal with your emotions so you’re doing yourself a favor by relaxing. The most dangerous time for those with high sensitivity is actually in the initial stages that they are improving. Realizing your success and growth so passionately it is easy to speed the process and take on more than you can handle, ultimately applying so much tension that you will snap right back to where you started. And the danger isn’t in simply in going too fast. Even if at a slow pace or over long periods of time, if you continue to pile on too much work without properly handling each issue, you will find yourself emotionally exhausted. What these two instances show is that you must have a retreat strategy and take time to consolidate your success. Incorporating a plan and making the commitment to take a step back when necessary will revive motivation as well as help you reassess the issue with a fresh start. Doing anything otherwise only adds stress, creating a brutal cycle that leaves you unable to effectively handle your emotions. So the question is, what is the best way to retreat? How and when is it okay to take a step back?

Know Your Limits

Napoleon’s failure was that he didn’t have a proper knowledge of what his men could not endure and in our lives we run the risk of making the same mistake. When you don’t know how much you can hold, it is only a matter of time before you take on too much. The danger of adding to your anxiety warrants a serious response and the first is curbing exactly how much you will place on yourself. It is not cowardly or weak to know what you cannot handle at the moment. Rather, saying no to extra projects or certain people is a responsible practice. As you improve your skillset and become more comfortable handling your sensitivity there will come a time to take on larger tasks. But the misguided technique of “plunging yourself into the fray” will actually slow your progress by creating more worry and insecurity. With that said, setting limits for yourself requires an amount of maturity and responsibility. You must be careful that you are not setting your boundaries too narrow, based on fear. And there are ways to ensure that your limitations are protective instead of restrictive. First, predetermine and write down your limits. In the moment of crisis, you are far more likely to make a decision based upon emotion, resulting in others being allowed to bend your boundaries. Setting down the rules before you have to play the game will help you better adhere to them when the time comes. Second, genuinely assess your past accomplishment. In order to determine whether or not you’re ready to take on something new, there is no better indicator than to see what you’ve been able to handle in the past. Allowing yourself to formulate a logical decision based on past examples combats being emotionally manipulated by fear or other’s intimidation. These limits will serve as the rails to keep you on course as you empower your empathy and manage your sensitivity.

Patience is Key

Success doesn’t always come in leaps and bounds. Laying a foundation for the future requires daily, often small, improvement that builds a strong skill set. There will be times when it is difficult to say no. Denying an invitation to a social event or a co-worker’s request to take on extra work after a long day can leave you feeling discouraged or guilty. But remind yourself, it’s not that you will never be able to take on more, it’s simply that now isn’t the right time. There is a crucial difference between retreat and giving up. When you retreat, there is always the option to return to the battlefield, but giving up is throwing in the towel. Focus your energy on the steps before you instead of dividing your attention upon what’s ahead. You will never move to another level if you do not properly address the issues that you must face now.

Create a Castle

In his essay The Minotaur, French philosopher and author Albert Camus wrote, “In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion." I’ve stressed the importance of reflection for growth, but the idea is only as effective as the quality of its application. You must be mindful of properly taking time to relax and pull away from problems. Science has shown that your body is unable to go more than two hours before it needs a break and while we ignore that need more often than not you cannot make the same mistake in managing your sensitivity. You’ve set your limits, but enforcing a plan once someone or something crosses those limits is the final step. Create a castle, a safe place, that you can return to when you feel yourself becoming too stressed. This can be in the form of a relaxing activity, confiding in a close friend, or perhaps a mix of both. Whether it’s meditation, watching a movie, reading, or sleep itself, find something that is able to relax you regardless of the circumstances. Rest is too easily dismissed as laziness in our culture, yet there is a profound difference between the two. This form of rest is taken with the purpose of returning to your problems stronger than before. On the contrary, laziness is using rest to avoid your problems. Think of productive rest like re-equipping yourself to manage your sensitivity and taking adequate time to view a situation from a different angle. Even without considering your higher sensitivity, our energy and emotions were never meant to jump from problem to problem without a break. As a result, doing so will only make your mind resent the idea of work and growth entirely. Once your heart isn’t in something, your ability to perform will go down as well. Take for example your favorite food. What if I told you that you had to eat it every meal, each day, for a year? I’d imagine that despite it being your favorite food; you’re likely not very excited by the proposition. Our motivation doesn’t function well on isolated repetition. The very same principle must be applied to managing your stress and easing out of your comfort zone. You should be encouraged by your progress and commitment. Resenting the journey to your destination only makes the distance farther.

Chapter 13     Balance Relationships

Social interaction isn’t without its challenges both for those with high sensitivity as well as for many others. You’ll find that your anxiety to fit in or tendency to be hurt by the other’s insensitivity isn’t an obstacle that you face alone. While socializing requires a great management of your sensitivity, you’ll find that overcoming these obstacles opens a whole new world of rich experiences and opportunity. As we’ve already said, your sensitivity is not a reason to deprive yourself of living life to its fullest. The family, friendships, and relationships in your life present an entirely new offering to your fulfillment. Your sensitivity and empathy are the exact qualities others are desperately searching for in their own friendships. In our business-saturated world, modern day interaction is puppeteer by pragmatic and exaggerated kindness. While there will always be those who are blind to your unique sensitivity, there are also many people searching for just the sincere and honest relationships that come so naturally to you. If there’s anything that I hope this book has convinced you of, it’s that there your sensitivity is not a problem: your empowered empathy is one of the most highly sought-after qualities in both business and personal interaction. But even with that said, many highly sensitive people cite socializing as one of their most difficult challenges. I believe this comes from the unpredictability of social settings. All it takes is a few seconds for someone to say words that hurt you or catch you off guard. Being close with someone often requires honesty from both parties, something that you may find difficult to receive and at times even more difficult to give. While you possess a strong sense of how someone is feeling, you may have found they respond by putting up more walls or acting irrationally to cover their emotions. There are an endless amount of variables and yet in the same way that is what makes the possibilities so beautiful. Just as someone can spout unwarranted negativity, individuals possess a strong capability to show love, affection, and support without asking anything in return. Being able to sift through and separate those who will do the former and those who will do the latter is something that takes time, but it’s not impossible to improve your talent for distinguishing both categories. Learning how to recognize and deal with both groups requires balancing your empathy in four key ways. As you read through each of them think of your current and past interactions with others as well as how you can adapt moving forward.

1. Exercise Grace

The most important thing to remember in building a healthy relationship with others is reminding yourself that not everyone will think or act the same way you do. While it’s easy to dismiss this principle as obvious or basic, we subconsciously reflect our own opinions and thought processes upon others. Someone will do or say something that upsets us and we’ll justify our feelings with statements like, “Well, I would have never done that,” or “They should have known better.” People are complicated and things that register as obvious or common sense to you, may genuinely have not crossed their minds. It’s easy to immediately label words as intentionally insensitive. Or to be hurt by a close friend failing to pick up on signals that something is bothering you. But these areas of intuition generally do not come as naturally to others as they come to you. A friend may unknowingly say or do something insensitive despite sincerely caring about you. Exercise grace in these situations. Jumping to conclusions and holding others to an unfair standard, simply because it’s one you can hold for yourself, will only leave you disappointed when others unconsciously miss the mark. Differentiate between those who cause problems unintentionally and those who do so on purpose. Before assigning judgment or allow your feelings to run away from you, think of this person’s past track record. Instead of holding them responsible for one, possibly unintentional mistake, has this person consistently acted in your best interests before? No relationship that you pursue will be without its rough patches. If you allow your feelings to condemn even the smallest mistakes, you will eventually eliminate your chances of a healthy and diverse social life. Realize those misunderstandings are bound to happen. This does not mean you have to tolerate continued and consistent harm. Just don’t alienate yourself from healthy friends by making the wrong assumptions.

2. See the Best in Others

One of the most common reasons for why highly sensitive people struggle in relationships is due in part to their sincerity. Their inner sense of justice makes it difficult for them to hide how they truly feel about people and situations. While this does not lead to being outspoken, it can make them highly uncomfortable in certain company or situations. Their inability to reconcile their emotions with their actions, frequently results in the decision to suppress the emotions entirely, or fail to act upon them. But if you wish to freely act in accordance with you how you feel, all that’s necessary is to do so. Now, it’s probably not difficult to see why acting however you feel could easily backfire. The goal is to responsibly manage your emotions according to the situation. So the question stands, how can you transition your feelings to make your ensuing actions match proper social etiquette and not require suppression? Well, we’ve examined how even the best people can make mistakes at times as well as how to be forgiving of that. The next step is to find the good in those who do not present it initially. Dealing with negative people will never be easy, but it can be a great way to exercise your empathy. Challenge yourself, to envision how it may feel in their shoes. Can you understand or argue for why they may act a certain way? Can you use your empathy to temporarily step in their shoes? Finally, given that understanding, how can you readdress the situation? This method does not excuse or reverse wrong actions, but it will allow you to deal more comfortably with insensitive individuals. Use your empathy to your advantage by transforming emotions of anger or bitterness to compassion. I completely understand that this is easier said than done, but it is a crucial step. Do not allow others to rob you of your happiness. Forgive and see the best whenever possible. Keeping an open mind enables you to act comfortably and consistently with how you feel.

3. Don’t Overthink

When I was growing up, I could never seem to catch hold of the secret to playing chess. And perhaps part of my mistake was believing that there was some sort of secret to begin with. I can remember nights spent playing multiple games in a row and yet my win loss ratio wasn’t becoming any more impressive. My mistake was that each move from my opponent made me second-guess myself, resulting in a strategy that changed each time it was my turn. This tendency to overthink is just as detrimental in the game of life as it is in the game of chess. Highly sensitive people often confess to creating most of their anxious behavior themselves. While we’d assume that stress would reach its peak at the point of conflict, emotions often intensify after the confrontation. It is once you begin thinking about how things should have gone that you really start to feel bad about it. The more we ruminate over a situation, the more we tend to become offended by something that was probably never intended to be rude. This pitfall of creating something out of nothing will only lead to fabricating unnecessary stress. One of the most common symptoms of this practice is feeling upset, but being unable to pinpoint what exactly you are frustrated about. As great as the temptation may be, prevent your mind and emotions from fabricating a situation from a story that never happened. Especially without knowing actual motives, do not make the mistake of assuming the worst. Filling in the blanks by yourself and overthinking a person’s actions will only lead you to become resentful. This self-sabotage can destroy a healthy relationship completely on its own. There is no end to the amount of excuses or problems we can formulate if simply given enough time. Though, how many of those would be true is a different issue. Think critically, but try to realize when you’re worrying yourself too much.

4. Be Honest

This final step goes hand in hand with the first three. The best way to separate unintentional and intentional harm, see the best in others, and avoid over thinking, is through clear communication. Honesty and openness will always be the best way to sooth emotions with facts as well as understand the people around you. Do not create an overreliance on your empathy and perception. Remember again, that even the greatest strength becomes a weakness when overextended. While you are naturally perceptive of what others may be feeling, do not use that as an excuse to avoid getting the real situation from the source. This tendency is often one of the biggest barriers for those dealing with their heightened sensitivity. Instead of understanding others through communication, they rely solely on observation and empathic intuition. But just as you do not appreciate being mislabeled, do not make the mistake of treating others in the same way. How you exercise honesty can take different forms, depending on whom you are confronting. For friends, simply being straightforward about your sensitivity is crucial. Always begin with language that assumes they did not mean to hurt you. Trade accusation phrases like “you did” or “you were” for ones that focus more on your own personal feelings such as “it made me feel.” They will appreciate you confronting based upon how you feel rather than your attempt to predict theirs. For those you may not know personally, honesty does not have to mean a one on one conversation. Standing up for yourself and enforcing your boundaries shows strength. And as others often do not mean to intentionally cause harm, they will respect your directness even if simply from you mustering the courage. However, do not be disheartened if your honesty does not immediately change an individual’s behavior. Even if they never acknowledge your wishes, no damage was caused by expressing them. One of the most prevalent themes in this book is that there is no need to suppress or hide your feelings. Rather, all that’s necessary is learning to properly express them. Being honest gives others a chance to change. You cannot expect the latter to come before the former.

Review

●      Do you tend to make assumptions about other’s intentions?

●     Have you settled for less from fear of pursuing more?

●     Which people or situations can you begin to view more positively?

●      In what ways can you be more honest?

2.              Conclusion

I recognize that based on the nature of this book, it can be a challenging one to read. You may be facing many emotions after reading it, so I hope you have been seeking support or finding ways to allow yourself to integrate this information so that you can use it to support your escape and healing processes.

If you have already left the narcissistic relationship, I commend you. I know that is a very challenging process and you have done a wonderful thing. If you are struggling, be sure to reach out for help and continue reaching until you are pulled out. I know this can be an extremely challenging time. Do not beat yourself up over it. Trust that this is not your fault and that you are absolutely not to blame for any of this, no matter what anyone may try and tell you. There is a happily ever after for you.

The next step is to carry on in healing from the breaking or now-broken bond between you and your abuser. Continue working in the direction of healing as much as you can, taking it one step at a time and always focusing on the outcome. Trust that you have an outcome on the way and that it will not always be like this.

It is natural to feel stuck or unable to do this on your own. That is because healing from abuse is a painful process that often requires professional support and a lot of time and effort put into healing. Please do make sure that you reach out. I know that until now you have been conditioned to isolate yourself. This should be the first thing you start undoing by reaching out and receiving support from others. Keep trying until you get it; you can do this. Even if it has been some time since you left and you are feeling stuck, reach out. There is no time frame for healing. Do what you need to do. Be kind and be patient with yourself.

If this sounds like you, there is a good chance you are an Empath. In it, you can learn more about what being an Empath means, how it impacts you, why narcissists are drawn to you, and how you can protect yourself on a deeper, energetic level.

Lastly, if you found this in any way helpful to you, please take the time to review it on Amazon. Your honest feedback would be greatly appreciated and it will greatly help many other lost souls out there who may be struggling and in a time of need.

Table of Contents

1.Introduction

Chapter 1Introduction to Empaths

But … are you really an empath?

How can you know that you are an empath?

What does it feel like to be an Empath?

Physical/Medical Empath

Emotional Empath

Telepathic Empath

Claircognizant/Intuitive Empath

Geomantic Empath

Animal Empath

Plant Empath

Precognitive Empath

Chapter 2The Empath Way

Being an Empath in Today’s World

A Day in the Life of an Empath

The Empath Calling

A Realistic Understanding

Chapter 3What Type of Empath Are You

Understanding Empaths from a Scientific View

Chapter 4How to Protect Yourself from Energy Vampires

Chapter 5Understanding Energy

Chapter 6Empath Types

Emotional Empaths

Physical Empaths

Animal Empaths

Plant Empaths

Geomantic Empaths

Claircognizant Empaths

Medium Empaths

Precognitive Empaths

Chapter 7Overcoming Your Fears

Social Anxiety

Do You Have Social Anxiety?

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety Challenges

Fear of Rejection

Fear of Intimacy

Tips for Empaths in Intimate Relationships

Fear of Being Selfish

Chapter 8A Step-By-Step Guide to Develop Your Potential

Step 1 – Figure Out the Best Version of Yourself

Step 2 – Take Feedback from Others

Step 3 – Work on Your Decision-Making Skills

Step 4 – Identify Your Emotional Triggers

Step 5 – Start Setting Boundaries

Step 6 – Practice Self-Discipline

Step 7 – Be Open-Minded

Step 8 – Always Be Open to Experiencing New Things

Step 9 – Keep Yourself Motivated

Step 10 – Cut Off Unsupportive People from Your Circle

Chapter 9Identifying Characteristics of Empath

Range of Indications

Hypothetical Empath

Check the Indications

Chapter 10Common Empathic Traits

Chapter 11Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Chapter 12Meditation for Empaths

Chapter 13Emotional Health

Do you need healing?

Chapter 14Reasons for Not Healing

Empath Healing Techniques

Repressed Sexuality

2.Conclusion

1.Introduction

Chapter 1Positive Thinking: Stop Bad Self-Talk To Minimize Overthinking

Chapter 2Overthinking And Sleep: What Is The Relationship?

Chapter 3Why You Procrastinate. Identify Your Enemy And Reasons For Self-Sabotage

Self-Sabotage and Procrastination

Chapter 4Meditation: The Key To Inner Peace

Chapter 5How To Develop Your Emotional Intelligence

Chapter 6Consider The Bigger Picture.

Chapter 7Remove Negative Influences

Chapter 8Techniques To Prepare For Change

Chapter 9Acquiring A Mindset Of Action

How to Feel Confident

How to Stop Procrastinating

How to Start over

How to Stop Complaining

How to Get Rid of Bad Habits

Overcoming the Limitation of Hesitation

Chapter 10Why Panic Attacks Are Triggered Elements

Manifestations

Causes

Reasons for Anxiety Disorder that may astonish you

Anxiety triggers: A Closer Look

1. Medical problems

2. Meds

3. Caffeine

4. Skipping suppers

5. Negative reasoning

6. Money related concerns

7. Gatherings or get-togethers

8. Strife

9. Stress

10. Open occasions or exhibitions

11. Individual triggers

Tips for distinguishing triggers

Chapter 11Environmental Decluttering

Conclusion To Overthinking..

1.Introduction

Old Brains For New Worlds

Chapter 1Overcoming Fear

Chapter 2Meditation And Overthinking

Chapter 3Focus And Concentration

Why Focusing Can Be Difficult

Multitasking

Accelerated Learning

Focus Exercises

Fighting Boredom

Chapter 4Eliminate Clutter And Create An Inspiring Space

Tasks for This Week:

Chapter 5Evaluate The Company You Keep

Chapter 6Natural Medicines: Rewiring Negativity Into Positivity

Chapter 7The Change That Comes From Within

How to Change Your Emotions

Using Your Emotions to Grow

Chapter 8Are Women More Emotionally Intelligent Than Men?

Women and Emotional Intelligence

Men and Emotional Intelligence

The Bottom Line

Chapter 9Neuroplasticity

What is Neuroplasticity?

Importance of Neuroplasticity

Chapter 10Creating Boundaries

Chapter 11The Psychology Behind Changing Your Life

Visualizing Your Thoughts

Stop Focusing on the Negative

Chapter 12Emotion And Brain

Learn Something New

Chapter 13Automatic And Intrusive Thoughts

The ABC Model of Emotions

Characteristic of Negative Automatic Thoughts

What Causes Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive Thoughts and Anxiety

Intrusive Thoughts and OCD

Intrusive Thoughts and Depression

Chapter 14Positive Affirmation

Affirmations For Wellbeing

Affirmations for Healthy Eating

Affirmations For Health

Affirmations For Healing

Affirmations For Success

Affirmations For Letting Go

Affirmations For Self-Worth

Conclusion

1.Introduction

Chapter 1Releasing Negative Energy

Stop Dissociating

Sense Yourself

Stretch Yourself

Journaling

Chapter 2The Intuitive

Signs You Might Be Intuitive

Chapter 3Understanding a Highly Sensitive Partner

Chapter 4Habits that show you are Highly Sensitive

Chapter 5Survival Stones: Protective and Healing Stones for Empaths

Best Healing Crystals for Empaths

Malachite

Amber

How to Use Healing Crystals

Cleansing Your Crystals

Chapter 6The Threats to an Empath’s Peace of Mind

Chapter 7How to Live with High Sensitivity

Headphones

Acceptance

Deep Breaths

Counting to Ten

Keep a Positive Sense of Humor

Focus

Chapter 8Social Interaction as a Highly Sensitive Person

Caution

Chapter 9Close Relationships

Chapter 10General Health and lifestyle for HSPs

Chapter 11Making Spiritual Contact With Empathy

Chapter 12Rest and Recharge

Chapter 13Balance Relationships

2.Conclusion