Vonnegut, Kurt - Long Walk To Forever (ss) v1.0

Kurt Vonnegut. Long Walk To Forever

They had grown up next door to each other, on the fringe of a

city, near fields and woods and orchards, within sight of a

lovely bell tower that belonged to a school for the blind.

Now they were twenty, had not seen each other for nearly

a year. There had always ben playful, comfortable warmth

between them, but never any talk of love.

His name was Newt. Her name was Catharine. In the early afternoon, Newt

knocked on

Catharine's front door.

Catharine came to the door. She was carrying a fat, glossy magazine she

had been reading.

The magazine was devoted entirely to brides. "Newt!" she said. She was

surprised to see him.

"Could you come for a walk?" he said. He was a shy person, even with

Catharine. He

covered his shyness by speaking absently as though what really concerned him

were far

away--as though he were a secret agent pausing briefly on a mission between

beautiful, distant,

and sinister points. This manner of speaking had always been Newt's style,

even in matters that

concerned him desperately.

"A walk?" said Catharine.

"One foot in front of the other," said Newt, "through leaves, over

bridges---"

"I had no idea you were in town," she said.

"Just this minute got in," he said.

"Still in the Army, I see," she said.

"Seven months more to go," he said. He was a private first class in the

Artillery. His uniform

was rumpled. His shoes were dusty. He needed a shave. He held out his hand

for the magazine.

"Let's see the pretty book," he said.

She gave it to him. "I'm getting married, Newt," she said.

"I know," he said. "Let's go for a walk."

"I'm awfully busy, Newt," she said. "The wedding is only a week away."

"If we go for a walk," he said, "it will make you rosy. It will make

you a rosy bride." He

turned the pages of the magazine. "A rosy bride like her--like her--like

her," he said, showing

her rosy brides.

Catharine turned rosy, thinking about rosy brides.

"That will be my present to Henry Stewart Chasens," said Newt. "By

taking you for a walk,

I'll be giving him a rosy bride."

"You know his name?" she said.

"Mother wrote," he said. "From Pittsburgh?"

"Yes," she said. "You'd like him."

"Maybe," he said.

"Can--can you come to the wedding, Newt?" she said.

"That I doubt," he said.

"Your furlough isn't for long enough?" she said.

"Furlough?" said Newt. He was studying a two page ad for flat silver.

"I'm not on furlough,"

he said.

"Oh?" she said.

"I'm what they call A.W.O.L.," said Newt.

"Oh, Newt! You're not!" she said.

"Sure I am," he said, still looking at the magazine.

"Why, Newt?" she said.

"I had to find out what your silver pattern is," he said. He read names

of silver patterns from

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Vonnegut, Kurt - Long Walk To Forever (ss) v1.0

the magazine. Albemarle? Heather?" he said. "Legend? Rambler Rose?" He

looked up, smiled. "I

plan to give you and your husband a spoon," he said.

"Newt, Newt--tell me really," she said.

"I want to go for a walk," he said.

She wrung her hands in sisterly anguish. "Oh, Newt--you're fooling me

about being

A.W.O.L.," she said.

Newt imitated a police siren softly, and raised his eyebrows.

"Where--where from?"

"Fort Bragg," he said.

"North Carolina?" she said.

"That's right," he said. "Near Fayetteville--where Scarlet O'Hara went

to school."

"How did you get here, Newt?" she said.

He raised his thumb, jerked it in a hitchhike gesture. "Two days," he

said.

"Does your mother know?" she said.

"I didn't come to see my mother," he told her.

"Who did you come to see?" she said.

"You," he said.

"Why me?" she said.

"Because I love you," he said. "Now can we take a walk?" he said. "One

foot in front of the

other--through leaves, over bridges--"

They were taking the walk now, were in a woods with a brown-leaf floor.

Catharine was angry and rattled, close to tears. "Newt," she said,

"this is absolutely crazy."

"How so?" said Newt.

"What a crazy time to tell me you love me," she said. "You never talked

that way before."

She stopped walking.

"Let's keep walking," he said.

"No," she said. "So far, no farther. I shouldn't have come out with you

at all," she said.

"You did," he said.

"To get you out of the house," she said. "If somebody walked in and

heard you talking to me

that way, a week before the wedding--"

"What would they think?" he said.

"They'd think you were crazy," she said.

"Why?" he said

Catharine took a deep breath, made a speech. "Let me say that I'm

deeply honored by this

crazy thing you've done," she said. "I can't believe you're really A.W.O.L.,

but maybe you are. I

can't believe you really love me, but maybe you do. But--"

"I do," said Newt.

"Well, I'm deeply honored," said Catharine, "and I'm very fond of you

as a friend, Newt,

extremely fond--but it's just too late." She took a step away from him.

"You've never even kissed

me," she said, and she protected herself with her hands. "I don't mean you

should do it now. I just

mean that this is all so unexpected. I haven't got the remotest idea of how

to respond."

"Just walk some more," he said. "Have a nice time."

They started walking again.

"How did you expect me to react?" she said.

"How would I know what to expect?" he said. "I've never done anything

like this before."

Did you think I would throw myself into your arms?" she said.

"Maybe," he said.

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Vonnegut, Kurt - Long Walk To Forever (ss) v1.0

"I'm sorry to disappoint you," she said.

"I'm not disappointed," he said. "I wasn't counting on it. This is very

nice, just walking."

Catharine stopped again. "You know what happens next?" she said.

"Nope," he said.

"We shake hands," she said. "We shake hands and part friends," she

said. "That's what

happens next."

Newt nodded. "All right," he said. "Remember me from time to time.

Remember how much

I loved you."

Involuntarily, Catharine burst into tears. She turned her back to Newt,

looked into the

infinate colonnade of the woods.

"What does that mean?" said Newt.

"Rage!" said Catharine. She clenched her hands. "You have no right--"

"I had to find out," he said.

"If I'd loved you," she said, "I would have let you know before now."

"You would?" he said.

"Yes," she said. She faced him, looked up at him, her face quite red.

"You would have

known," she said.

"How?" he said.

"You would have seen it," she said. "Women aren't very clever at hiding

it."

Newt looked closely at Catharine's face now. To her consternation, she

realized that what

she had said was true, that a woman couldn't hide love.

Newt was seeing love now.

And he did what he had to do. He kissed her.

"You're hell to get along with!" she said when Newt let her go.

"I am?" said Newt.

"You shouldn't have done that," she said.

"You didn't like it?" he said.

"What did you expect," she said--"wild, adandoned passion?"

"I keep telling you," he said," I never know what's going to happen

next."

"We say good-by," she said.

He frowned slightly. "All right," he said.

She made another speech. "I'm not sorry we kissed," she said. "That was

sweet. We should

have kissed, we've been so close. I'll always remember you , Newt, and good

luck."

"You too," he said.

"Thirty days," he said.

"What?" she said.

"Thirty days in the stockade," he said--"that's what one kiss will cost

me."

"I--I'm sorry," she said, "but I didn't ask you to go A.W.O.L."

"I know," he said.

"You certainly don't deserve any hero's reward for doing something as

foolish as that," she

said.

"Must be nice to be a hero," said Newt. "Is Henry Stewart Chasens a

hero?"

"He might be, if he got the chance," said Catharine. She noted uneasily

that they had begun

to walk again. The farewell had been forgotten.

"You really love him?" he said.

"Certainly I love him!" she said hotly. "I wouldn't marry him if I

didn't love him!"

"What's good about him?" said Newt.

"Honestly!" she cried, stopping again. "Do you have any idea how

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Vonnegut, Kurt - Long Walk To Forever (ss) v1.0

offensive you're being?

Many, many, many things are good about Henry! Yes," she said, "and many,

many, many things

are probably bad, too. But that isn't any of your business. I love Henry,

and I don't have to argue

his merits with you!"

"Sorry," said Newt.

"Honestly!" said Catharine.

Newt kissed her again. He kissed her again because she wanted him to.

They were now in a large orchard.

"How did we get so far from home, Newt?" said Catharine.

"One foot in front of the other--through leaves, over bridges," said

Newt.

"They add up--the steps," she said.

Bells rang in the tower of the school for the blind nearby.

"School for the blind," said Newt.

"School for the blind," said Catharine. She shook her head in drowsy

wonder. "I've got to go

back now," she said.

"Say good-by," said Newt.

"Every time I do," said Catharine, "I seem to get kissed."

Newt sat down on the close-cropped grass under an apple tree. "Sit

down," he said.

"No," she said.

"I won't touch you," he said.

"I don't believe you," she said.

She sat down under another tree, twenty feet away from him. She closed

her eyes.

"Dream of Henry Stewart Chasens," he said.

"What?" she said.

"Dream of your wonderful husband-to-be," he said.

"All right, I will," she said. She closed her eyes tighter, caught

glimpses of her

husband-to-be.

Newt yawned.

The bees were humming in the trees, and Catharine almost fell asleep.

When she opened

her eyes she saw that Newt really was asleep.

He began to snore softly.

Catharine let him sleep for an hour, and while he slept she adored him

with all her heart.

The shadows of the apple trees grew to the east. The bells in the tower

of the school for the

blind rang again.

"*chick-a-dee-dee-dee*," went a chickadee.

Somewhere far away an automobile started nagged and failed, nagged and

failed, fell still.

Catharine came out from under her tree, knelt by Newt.

"Newt?" she said.

"H'm?" he said. He opened his eyes.

"Late," she said.

"Hello, Catharine," he said.

"Hello, Newt," she said.

"I love you," he said.

"I know," she said.

"Too late," he said.

"Too late," she said.

He stood, stretched groaningly. "A very nice walk," he said.

"I thought so," she said.

"Part company here?" he said.

"Where will you go?" she said.

"Hitch into town, turn myself in," he said.

"Good luck," she said.

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Vonnegut, Kurt - Long Walk To Forever (ss) v1.0

"You too," he said. "Marry me, Catharine?"

"No," she said.

He smiled, stared at her hard for a moment, then walked away quickly.

Catharine watched him grow smaller in the long perspective of shadows

and trees, knew

that if he stopped and turned now, if he called to her, she would run to

him. She would have no

choice.

Newt did stop. He did turn. He did call. "Catharine," he called.

She ran to him, put her arms aroud him, could not speak.

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